Alain De Botton

And you call up your friend afterwards.

And you go, how did it go?

And they go, really nice.

Really nice person.

And you go, oh.

Is that a problem?

And they go, no, maybe you didn't have that much to say to one another, et cetera.

Now, maybe what they're maybe perhaps struggling to say is, this person I encountered is too nice to give me the feeling of suffering that I need in order to feel I'm in love, because that's slightly the way in which I may have developed.

That

being loved and giving love is not an uncomplicated process.

As I say, in many families, for example, you're only loved if you do something, if you achieve something, if you prove yourself in a certain way.

It means that in adult relationships, we're often looking to recreate that conditionality.

And therefore, well, you know,

The ick.

Why does the ick sometimes descend?

It's very Gen Z of you.

I know.

I've been taught by younger folk.

The ick can descend in contact with a level of kindness and sympathy which doesn't feel warranted and earned.

It's simply unfamiliar.