Alain De Botton

You will find this soulmate by intuition.

You'll get a magical feeling called falling in love.

If you don't have that feeling, you can sort of fake it.

But basically, it's an almost divine feeling.

Lots of other assumptions.

Sex becomes the most important thing in love.

You know, sex becomes the bellwether of love.

All these sort of assumptions.

Now, in a way, they're lovely.

But I argue, and the book argues, that to some extent, if we're to make long-term relationships work, we're going to have to be disloyal to some of the emotions, some of the romantic emotions that propel us into relationships in the first place.

These things are trouble and they're misleading.

How?

How old is this concept of romantic love?

Have we had it from the get-go?

No, I think it arises in the minds of people in garrets and libraries in old Europe in about the middle of the 18th century, and it replaces an older vision of relationships.

which is really all about a dynastic view that you should get together with people chosen by your parents, the elders, the community, and it's because they have a cow and you have a cow and so you should get together.

This is swept away by the marriage of passion.

And it's really a fusion of the love affair and the marriage.

And so now there's this idea that kind of it's forever and it's as intense as a previous short-term love affair.

And look, as I say, it's a lovely idea that's got us into trouble.