Alex Cooper

And so I remember starting to have doubts. And it started to eat me alive inside because, you know, this wasn't the plan. Like... This wasn't the plan that Matt and I were so excited about. And it's not the plan that we talked about and that we agreed upon.

And I don't know exactly when it hit me, but in the moments where I was being really honest with myself, which took a minute, but I eventually realized I wasn't ready. And even when I got to feeling healthier again, as nice as that was, it didn't make me want to rush and have a baby. Instead, it made me more anxious because I should have felt ready. And I felt so frustrated with myself.

And I don't know exactly when it hit me, but in the moments where I was being really honest with myself, which took a minute, but I eventually realized I wasn't ready. And even when I got to feeling healthier again, as nice as that was, it didn't make me want to rush and have a baby. Instead, it made me more anxious because I should have felt ready. And I felt so frustrated with myself.

And I don't know exactly when it hit me, but in the moments where I was being really honest with myself, which took a minute, but I eventually realized I wasn't ready. And even when I got to feeling healthier again, as nice as that was, it didn't make me want to rush and have a baby. Instead, it made me more anxious because I should have felt ready. And I felt so frustrated with myself.

And I felt guilty. Like, How had I gone from being so sure and so excited to start this process? And then now I'm doubting myself and second-guessing everything. I also think I felt so conflicted because... In the back of my mind, I had this imaginary number, it almost felt like, like counting down.

And I felt guilty. Like, How had I gone from being so sure and so excited to start this process? And then now I'm doubting myself and second-guessing everything. I also think I felt so conflicted because... In the back of my mind, I had this imaginary number, it almost felt like, like counting down.

And I felt guilty. Like, How had I gone from being so sure and so excited to start this process? And then now I'm doubting myself and second-guessing everything. I also think I felt so conflicted because... In the back of my mind, I had this imaginary number, it almost felt like, like counting down.

Like, okay, so if I delay the process one year now, then I'm going to get pregnant when I'm about...

Like, okay, so if I delay the process one year now, then I'm going to get pregnant when I'm about...

Like, okay, so if I delay the process one year now, then I'm going to get pregnant when I'm about...

you know 31 and so then now I'm not having a baby until I'm 32 and ideally if I'm able to get pregnant like I don't want one I want I want more than one and so then I'm like and I'm doing all this like fucking math in my head and I I think I started to like get so anxious and panicked and I started to feel like it was all just like getting away from me and I was losing this precious time and it

you know 31 and so then now I'm not having a baby until I'm 32 and ideally if I'm able to get pregnant like I don't want one I want I want more than one and so then I'm like and I'm doing all this like fucking math in my head and I I think I started to like get so anxious and panicked and I started to feel like it was all just like getting away from me and I was losing this precious time and it

you know 31 and so then now I'm not having a baby until I'm 32 and ideally if I'm able to get pregnant like I don't want one I want I want more than one and so then I'm like and I'm doing all this like fucking math in my head and I I think I started to like get so anxious and panicked and I started to feel like it was all just like getting away from me and I was losing this precious time and it

was this all-encompassing, overwhelming feeling. And so, of course, I had moments, I'll admit, when I started to think, fuck it, just try and suck it up. Like maybe once I'm pregnant, I'll feel differently. But then I always came back to like, I just know myself and I know in my gut, like I need more time. And so all of this was going through my head and I was spiraling.

was this all-encompassing, overwhelming feeling. And so, of course, I had moments, I'll admit, when I started to think, fuck it, just try and suck it up. Like maybe once I'm pregnant, I'll feel differently. But then I always came back to like, I just know myself and I know in my gut, like I need more time. And so all of this was going through my head and I was spiraling.

was this all-encompassing, overwhelming feeling. And so, of course, I had moments, I'll admit, when I started to think, fuck it, just try and suck it up. Like maybe once I'm pregnant, I'll feel differently. But then I always came back to like, I just know myself and I know in my gut, like I need more time. And so all of this was going through my head and I was spiraling.

And so I knew I needed to tell Matt. I wasn't nervous about his reaction because I know the man that I married is always going to support me. I think if anything, it was almost like I was more hesitant to

And so I knew I needed to tell Matt. I wasn't nervous about his reaction because I know the man that I married is always going to support me. I think if anything, it was almost like I was more hesitant to

And so I knew I needed to tell Matt. I wasn't nervous about his reaction because I know the man that I married is always going to support me. I think if anything, it was almost like I was more hesitant to

speak it into existence because I don't know like I feel like I'm a very certain person and I'll be honest I felt very disoriented about how uncertain I felt about this one thing in my life and also I knew Matt was ready and although I knew he wouldn't ever show it, of course he was going to have some level of disappointment on his end. And so I told him all of this.