Alexandra Carter

First, one of the questions in the mirror section asks people basically to write down how they feel, because I found that if you're feeling anxious and you write that down, if you're feeling angry at somebody and you write that down, you know, if you grapple with it before you get in the room, rather than pretending you don't have emotions.

you're going to do much better.

You'll feel calmer.

There's a way in which, you know, writing down what you feel ahead of time helps you release it so that then you can get to the table and you also, you know what to do.

Walking away...

can be really effective when it comes from the right place.

For example, these are times when I might think about walking away.

I'm really clear on what I need.

And it seems likely that we're not going to be able to get there, at least for right now.

Or, you know, let's say I'm getting what I would call some really unproductive behavior from the other person.

You know, I help people resolve conflict in a lot of New York City courts.

And so I've seen all sorts of, you know, interesting, quote unquote, offers for how to for how to solve situations.

If you get really, really challenging behavior from somebody else, you can also say, you know what, this isn't a productive conversation.

And when you're ready to come back to the table and have something that's productive, I'm ready to talk.

For now, I'm taking a break.

So if your needs aren't being met, if somebody's unproductive, or if they're emotionally overwhelmed.

And just a last note on that.

Right now, during the pandemic, I'm finding that even very rational people can get emotionally overwhelmed.

And so sometimes, I don't know that I would call it walking away.

I think I would call it taking a break.