Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa

this thing of pushing people away, you end up hurting yourself so much more because you forego ever having a really close, committed relationship.

Now it's hard to, I mean, definitely go listen to my episode about attachment styles and all of that, but in a nutshell,

And one of the best things that you can do is to speak to your partner about this attachment style early on in the relationship, okay?

You tell them the reason you are pushing people away is because you've got this deep-seated kind of thing, even though you might not acknowledge it, but it's, I can't be hurt.

And the reason you tell yourself you can't be hurt is because you think you can't cope.

Like, you know, I think a lot of us can relate that maybe when you go through your first heartbreak, you think I'm never going to let myself get heartbroken again.

I'm never, never, never, never.

I'll never.

But then you heal and then you think, well, I did heal.

And while that was fucked, I am ready to love again.

And yeah, okay.

Okay.

And then you let your walls down and whatever.

So that's kind of like, you know, if you've got like that, that relatively secure attachment style, that's kind of how you may feel.

What you don't want to do is maintain that emotion of like, I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Okay.

If you allow yourself to rebuild after you go through emotional hardship, and especially if you're the one that rebuilds yourself and you're not like leaping into a new relationship or a new, you know, situationship or whatever, then you start to trust yourself.

You start to trust your ability to heal yourself, you know, to overcome adversity and things like that.

But I think for you, this needs to be communicated with your partner.

When they start to notice that your walls are up, if you've communicated this, saying this is my defense mechanism, I don't want it to be and I want us to be a team and I want us to be able to work through this.