Alfie

I don't remember who I was seeing next, maybe stitching gashes on an arm, fitting an IV, drawing blood, but I know at some point I looked up to see a distraught woman in slippers and pink flamingo pyjamas with a duffel coat over the top, bounding through the door. She was the spitting image of the girl on the gurney.

I don't remember who I was seeing next, maybe stitching gashes on an arm, fitting an IV, drawing blood, but I know at some point I looked up to see a distraught woman in slippers and pink flamingo pyjamas with a duffel coat over the top, bounding through the door. She was the spitting image of the girl on the gurney.

Hayley had just finished pronouncing the girl dead, and as soon as she saw the woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas, her face paled. I didn't hear the conversation, but I caught glimpses between pressing ice packs on forearms and checking drips in the back of elderly people's hands. The woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas covered her mouth, and then her face.

Hayley had just finished pronouncing the girl dead, and as soon as she saw the woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas, her face paled. I didn't hear the conversation, but I caught glimpses between pressing ice packs on forearms and checking drips in the back of elderly people's hands. The woman in the pink flamingo pyjamas covered her mouth, and then her face.

She sat down slowly, shoulders rising to her ears. It's always the same. Hayley wandered over to me, limply, and I politely excused myself from whatever tired I was attempting to stem to meet her halfway. She told me it was the first person she'd declared dead that wasn't elderly. We went outside to smoke, down the back of the hospital.

She sat down slowly, shoulders rising to her ears. It's always the same. Hayley wandered over to me, limply, and I politely excused myself from whatever tired I was attempting to stem to meet her halfway. She told me it was the first person she'd declared dead that wasn't elderly. We went outside to smoke, down the back of the hospital.

There were these unnaturally bright white lights which made the darkness beyond the little patch of light we were standing in feel even darker. We were standing slightly too far apart. I had to really stretch when I held out my box of cigarettes to her. Hayley wasn't a smoker, but she took one anyway. We stood there in silence, trailing smoke in thin wisps up towards the floodlights.

There were these unnaturally bright white lights which made the darkness beyond the little patch of light we were standing in feel even darker. We were standing slightly too far apart. I had to really stretch when I held out my box of cigarettes to her. Hayley wasn't a smoker, but she took one anyway. We stood there in silence, trailing smoke in thin wisps up towards the floodlights.

Out of nowhere, Hayley made this strange noise like a kicked dog. I looked up at her in alarm with my saucer-wide, sleep-deprived eyes, half expecting her leg to have fallen off or gallons of blood to be pouring out of her ears, but instead she was just crying. She pulled the sleeves of her jacket over her hands and covered her face with them. All of a sudden, she looked very young.

Out of nowhere, Hayley made this strange noise like a kicked dog. I looked up at her in alarm with my saucer-wide, sleep-deprived eyes, half expecting her leg to have fallen off or gallons of blood to be pouring out of her ears, but instead she was just crying. She pulled the sleeves of her jacket over her hands and covered her face with them. All of a sudden, she looked very young.

I don't really know what it was. She just looked really small. Junior doctor is a bit of a misnomer. Hayley had been out of medical school for two years by the time she'd come to work with me on A&E. At that point, I didn't know her that well. She'd only been at York Hospital for a couple of weeks then, but over her stint working with me, I'd already learned I liked her a lot. She was kind.

I don't really know what it was. She just looked really small. Junior doctor is a bit of a misnomer. Hayley had been out of medical school for two years by the time she'd come to work with me on A&E. At that point, I didn't know her that well. She'd only been at York Hospital for a couple of weeks then, but over her stint working with me, I'd already learned I liked her a lot. She was kind.

in spite of a job that punished that sort of thing, and she was a laugh on a night out and never took things too seriously. She felt more like a nurse than a doctor, and I mean that as a compliment. Not to diss doctors or anything, but they can be a bit up themselves. But Hayley always listened to us when we gave her advice.

in spite of a job that punished that sort of thing, and she was a laugh on a night out and never took things too seriously. She felt more like a nurse than a doctor, and I mean that as a compliment. Not to diss doctors or anything, but they can be a bit up themselves. But Hayley always listened to us when we gave her advice.

Always remembered staff like me and Tracy might not have been doctors, but we had been working in the hospital for years, something that she and her fellow junior doctors didn't have the luxury of doing. It was sad, seeing her so distraught. So broken, but I understood it. I told her it was fucking horrendous, because it was. It always is.

Always remembered staff like me and Tracy might not have been doctors, but we had been working in the hospital for years, something that she and her fellow junior doctors didn't have the luxury of doing. It was sad, seeing her so distraught. So broken, but I understood it. I told her it was fucking horrendous, because it was. It always is.

You get used to it in some ways, unshocked by the death and horrors, but it doesn't do you any good to get like that. Deep down, under the layers of thick skin, you always feel it. Sometimes it's sharp enough to poke right through to the surface. We didn't say anything else. We just stood and Haley-ness silently wept. I didn't escape A&E for another four and a half hours after that.

You get used to it in some ways, unshocked by the death and horrors, but it doesn't do you any good to get like that. Deep down, under the layers of thick skin, you always feel it. Sometimes it's sharp enough to poke right through to the surface. We didn't say anything else. We just stood and Haley-ness silently wept. I didn't escape A&E for another four and a half hours after that.

Seven more people died, and by the time I pulled into the drive and let myself back into my mum's house through the back door so I didn't wake my mum or my sisters, I'd almost completely forgotten about the girl on the gurney. I fell face down into my unmade bed, fully clothed and sticky with sweat and God knows what else, and finally, finally, I slept. Sorry. Um, where was I? Oh, yeah.

Seven more people died, and by the time I pulled into the drive and let myself back into my mum's house through the back door so I didn't wake my mum or my sisters, I'd almost completely forgotten about the girl on the gurney. I fell face down into my unmade bed, fully clothed and sticky with sweat and God knows what else, and finally, finally, I slept. Sorry. Um, where was I? Oh, yeah.