Alfie

You don't seem happy, Elfie. I asked if she thought turning out on the street would put a spring in my stub. No, Mum sighed. Of course not. You can stay as long as you need to, but I'm worried that maybe you're worried about moving on. Have you even, you know, been with any lads since? I asked her if she really wanted an answer to that question, which of course she didn't. The answer was no.

You don't seem happy, Elfie. I asked if she thought turning out on the street would put a spring in my stub. No, Mum sighed. Of course not. You can stay as long as you need to, but I'm worried that maybe you're worried about moving on. Have you even, you know, been with any lads since? I asked her if she really wanted an answer to that question, which of course she didn't. The answer was no.

Sorry, I just worry, my mum said. You should be in love. You should at least be out looking for it. And you need to take fewer shifts at work. That hospital is going to put you in an early grave. I told her that at least if I was going to have a heart attack, I'd be in the right place for it. She was right in the end, though. Though not in the ways she thought.

Sorry, I just worry, my mum said. You should be in love. You should at least be out looking for it. And you need to take fewer shifts at work. That hospital is going to put you in an early grave. I told her that at least if I was going to have a heart attack, I'd be in the right place for it. She was right in the end, though. Though not in the ways she thought.

I took my sad half-Golden Grahams, half-cornflakes up to my room and wondered if Mum was right. It had been comforting to hear her telling me there was no rush, that if I didn't want to dive back into the dating pool before I was ready, that was fine. My friends were in the opposite camp, strong believers in that not-so-old adage that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

I took my sad half-Golden Grahams, half-cornflakes up to my room and wondered if Mum was right. It had been comforting to hear her telling me there was no rush, that if I didn't want to dive back into the dating pool before I was ready, that was fine. My friends were in the opposite camp, strong believers in that not-so-old adage that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

I did briefly toy with the idea of looking for someone else called Alfie that I could sleep with just to see what it was like, but Turns out most men called Alfie would be considered geriatric patients if they came into the hospital, and I couldn't even tell whether any of the ones I'd found were gay.

I did briefly toy with the idea of looking for someone else called Alfie that I could sleep with just to see what it was like, but Turns out most men called Alfie would be considered geriatric patients if they came into the hospital, and I couldn't even tell whether any of the ones I'd found were gay.

It was one thing to walk up to a pretty guy in a bar and flirt with him to test the waters, and another entirely to approach someone's grandad who isn't even hot and say, hey, you've got the same name as me, fancy a shag to cure my trauma? Feeling quite sorry for myself, I dug my phone out of my jacket to scroll through as I ate my depressingly padded out pole of golden grahams and Yep.

It was one thing to walk up to a pretty guy in a bar and flirt with him to test the waters, and another entirely to approach someone's grandad who isn't even hot and say, hey, you've got the same name as me, fancy a shag to cure my trauma? Feeling quite sorry for myself, I dug my phone out of my jacket to scroll through as I ate my depressingly padded out pole of golden grahams and Yep.

There it is. That's 12 hours since I last drank the blood. Why am I telling you about the fucking cereal? Why am I talking about Ben? None of this matters. I've not started to feel it yet. There's a cold that creeps in when the blood wears off. But it's not started yet. That's good, at least. Last time it was about 20 hours before I needed more.

There it is. That's 12 hours since I last drank the blood. Why am I telling you about the fucking cereal? Why am I talking about Ben? None of this matters. I've not started to feel it yet. There's a cold that creeps in when the blood wears off. But it's not started yet. That's good, at least. Last time it was about 20 hours before I needed more.

Casper said the time between would get shorter and shorter, and that it'd help less and less, you know. Like building up a tolerance. Casper got all wise with me when I made that comparison, though. He said, yes, but this tolerance will build your death, like that wasn't all we'd been talking about for the previous hour. It's the easiest comparison, though, building up a tolerance.

Casper said the time between would get shorter and shorter, and that it'd help less and less, you know. Like building up a tolerance. Casper got all wise with me when I made that comparison, though. He said, yes, but this tolerance will build your death, like that wasn't all we'd been talking about for the previous hour. It's the easiest comparison, though, building up a tolerance.

And before I need to drink more of it, it's like a process of withdrawal. And yes, Casper, if you're listening to this, I know that's not exactly like that. That what's actually happening to me is that all the dying that the blood is keeping at bay is slowly creeping back into me. But this is the best analogy I've got, so bear with me. And I need my analogies cast, but they keep me sane.

And before I need to drink more of it, it's like a process of withdrawal. And yes, Casper, if you're listening to this, I know that's not exactly like that. That what's actually happening to me is that all the dying that the blood is keeping at bay is slowly creeping back into me. But this is the best analogy I've got, so bear with me. And I need my analogies cast, but they keep me sane.

The withdrawal starts off like tingling in my fingers, almost like pins and needles, but kind of cold. Like the feeling of mint in your mouth, you know? And it creeps and creeps. And I can feel myself sweating and my heart starts thundering and I can't breathe. And all I can think about is the taste and... I've tasted blood before, but it's not like caspuses.

The withdrawal starts off like tingling in my fingers, almost like pins and needles, but kind of cold. Like the feeling of mint in your mouth, you know? And it creeps and creeps. And I can feel myself sweating and my heart starts thundering and I can't breathe. And all I can think about is the taste and... I've tasted blood before, but it's not like caspuses.

It's like rust and nothing, normal blood. This is like... It's sweet. Like honey and wine and musk and boozy and rich and... God. I should sleep before it starts. Casper said it would be like this. It can only serve as a pause. It can't heal what happened. So either I spread it out I drink two doses at once and I become like him. Like Casper. But I don't need to decide that yet.

It's like rust and nothing, normal blood. This is like... It's sweet. Like honey and wine and musk and boozy and rich and... God. I should sleep before it starts. Casper said it would be like this. It can only serve as a pause. It can't heal what happened. So either I spread it out I drink two doses at once and I become like him. Like Casper. But I don't need to decide that yet.