Alfie

She seemed to have also applied the same logic to other occasional-use household items, because my room was also home to the never-used stationary bike, which was dressed in several winter coats, the fully-assembled ironing board, complete with a decorative layer of shirts that had never even heard of an iron, let alone been subject to a pressing by one, a dog's bed filled with dog toys for the dog, Millie, who had died five years previously.

She seemed to have also applied the same logic to other occasional-use household items, because my room was also home to the never-used stationary bike, which was dressed in several winter coats, the fully-assembled ironing board, complete with a decorative layer of shirts that had never even heard of an iron, let alone been subject to a pressing by one, a dog's bed filled with dog toys for the dog, Millie, who had died five years previously.

In fairness, Mum had cleared the suitcases off the bed before I arrived, stacking them in a haphazard tower between the bike and the tree and its clingfilm condom. Will we need to move anything else, she'd asked, and I told her no, because I thought I'd only be there for a few nights at worst.

In fairness, Mum had cleared the suitcases off the bed before I arrived, stacking them in a haphazard tower between the bike and the tree and its clingfilm condom. Will we need to move anything else, she'd asked, and I told her no, because I thought I'd only be there for a few nights at worst.

I'd come back to stay with Mum, because my partner, Ben, who I'd previously been living with, had forgotten to check in with me about when my shift would likely be ending, so he'd failed to kick out the younger, hotter version of me he'd apparently been sleeping with for months before I got home.

I'd come back to stay with Mum, because my partner, Ben, who I'd previously been living with, had forgotten to check in with me about when my shift would likely be ending, so he'd failed to kick out the younger, hotter version of me he'd apparently been sleeping with for months before I got home.

Younger, hotter me was a medical student, who was also named Ben, which I'd found a particularly kick in the teeth. It wasn't that he was called Ben, which was my partner's name too, or even that he was younger and unquestionably more attractive than I was. It was that he was a medical student. My Ben had started sleeping with me when I was a trainee nurse.

Younger, hotter me was a medical student, who was also named Ben, which I'd found a particularly kick in the teeth. It wasn't that he was called Ben, which was my partner's name too, or even that he was younger and unquestionably more attractive than I was. It was that he was a medical student. My Ben had started sleeping with me when I was a trainee nurse.

I remember the night I left for my mum's house, right before I walked out the door, I looked at them, sat together on the couch that my Ben and I had bought together, and asking, dazed, if they said each other's names during sex, because wasn't that weird, saying your own names?

I remember the night I left for my mum's house, right before I walked out the door, I looked at them, sat together on the couch that my Ben and I had bought together, and asking, dazed, if they said each other's names during sex, because wasn't that weird, saying your own names?

They both just looked at me with the same mix of horror and embarrassment they'd been regarding me with since I'd walked into the bedroom and my Ben had his pelvis nestled against the other Ben's arse cheeks. I've since come to the conclusion that they absolutely did, because my Ben refused to answer this question, no matter how many times I put it to him.

They both just looked at me with the same mix of horror and embarrassment they'd been regarding me with since I'd walked into the bedroom and my Ben had his pelvis nestled against the other Ben's arse cheeks. I've since come to the conclusion that they absolutely did, because my Ben refused to answer this question, no matter how many times I put it to him.

I trudged across York, on foot because the car was broken, with my rucksack and my phone, and I was still crying when Mum opened the door to me. She made me a cup of tea, finished moving the suitcases and put me to bed. surrounded by all the strange off-season objects which had taken up residence in my absence.

I trudged across York, on foot because the car was broken, with my rucksack and my phone, and I was still crying when Mum opened the door to me. She made me a cup of tea, finished moving the suitcases and put me to bed. surrounded by all the strange off-season objects which had taken up residence in my absence.

I had assumed that first night that my Ben would come to me with snivelling apologies and I'd forgive him like all the other times I'd discovered his infidelity. However, when I returned back to our flat to pick up more underwear, I found other Ben making a cup of coffee in the kitchen, entirely nude, but for a pair of my socks. At that point, I decided I could probably do better.

I had assumed that first night that my Ben would come to me with snivelling apologies and I'd forgive him like all the other times I'd discovered his infidelity. However, when I returned back to our flat to pick up more underwear, I found other Ben making a cup of coffee in the kitchen, entirely nude, but for a pair of my socks. At that point, I decided I could probably do better.

So my couple of nights back at mum's became a few weeks. Those few weeks became a few months. Christmas came and we decondomed the tree, letting it take pride of place in the living room. And when the festive period was over, mum wordlessly removed the baubles, disassembled the tree and shoved it up in the loft. The ironing board also resumed its old folded position in the downstairs low.

So my couple of nights back at mum's became a few weeks. Those few weeks became a few months. Christmas came and we decondomed the tree, letting it take pride of place in the living room. And when the festive period was over, mum wordlessly removed the baubles, disassembled the tree and shoved it up in the loft. The ironing board also resumed its old folded position in the downstairs low.

I still share a room with the stationary bike and the winter coats though. Through all of this, mum had not once brought up the fact that I could not, in fact, stay living back in my childhood home forever. Are you hoping to not have to put the tree in the attic after Christmas? I asked her. Mum sighed. No, it's not that. It's just she gestured vaguely at my entire body.

I still share a room with the stationary bike and the winter coats though. Through all of this, mum had not once brought up the fact that I could not, in fact, stay living back in my childhood home forever. Are you hoping to not have to put the tree in the attic after Christmas? I asked her. Mum sighed. No, it's not that. It's just she gestured vaguely at my entire body.