Alison Alford

There are no wrong daughters.

That's a toxic mindset inside our minds hurting ourselves.

And that we're actually doing so much more daughtering than we know.

Even the daughter who says, we said this is at the end of the spectrum, but let me talk about the daughters who are like, I've got to go no contact.

Well, they make that choice generally not to punish, but to protect.

Sometimes they're protecting themselves and sometimes they're protecting

that parent too because they would really end up saying unkind hurtful mean things to them or they're protecting the grandkids or their spouse or something but that daughter who goes no contact she's still thinking i've talked to so many no contact daughters and they say we're no contact but they think in the future i probably won't be like we just all got to get through this and chill out or they think we're no contact now but if she dies

I'm on tap.

And so then you almost have to do daughtering even when they're, even when they've passed.

So I don't think there's a daughter not doing daughtering, at least mentally.

And I don't think there's any way to be a bad daughter because everybody just has limited resources for what they could give.

I guess the only thing that would be bad is somebody who's

trying to destroy another person on purpose, but that would be sociopathy.

So I mean, we'd be in a totally different characteristic there.

One of the things that I like to think about when I'm in a difficult season with my parents, so my parent is experiencing something difficult or we're just not connecting something sandpaper, right?

Maybe your parent gets remarried and has a new spouse and you're like, ah, and it's just sandpaper or I've got a big, big project at work and I just don't have the time that I had last year.

I don't have the time.

So we're having some sandpaper.

I try to think about, and I talk about this in the book, hedonic happiness versus eudaimonic happiness and how I can

reframe my mind towards doing things in daughtering that provide long-term happiness, even if they don't have short-term benefits or nothing my parent and I are doing together is making me like feel fun.