Alison Pugh

I gave a talk in Oregon recently and someone was telling me about how they had had a horseback riding accident and they almost couldn't walk as a result, but then they managed to, now they are walking, are able to run, et cetera.

But she talked about how her feelings about her body, she's become much more cautious and wary and uncertain about what her body can do.

And listening to her, I said,

it's like a loss of innocence.

Like before she was innocent about, and just taking risks because it was fun and she could do it and whatever.

And now she no longer believes that about herself.

And her response to the, it's a loss of this innocence was like, when you do connective labor well, it's like powerful relief, a great sense of affinity, you know, like really, we were really bonded in that 30 second interaction.

And, um,

Then to me, that felt like, take a risk.

You know, like what she was saying to me, I was just saying back to her.

And so I wasn't tentative, but I was certainly open to the fact that I could be wrong.

So yeah, I guess the tension is you have to take that step.

You have to take that risk, but also be very correctable.

I agree it's a profound question.

I also agree it is an everyday one, especially for those of us who live in urban environments.

And it's not just about the unhoused, it's also about just seeing people in our midst who have deep need that you can't meet.

Just speaking directly to this questioner, I would say in my experience, they really appreciate your acknowledgement.

I think the worst is when you don't acknowledge them at all.

So just looking them in the eye and saying, I can't help you today, but I hope you have a good day or something that acknowledges them as a human being is one way forward.

in terms of like kind of the broader question of like, how do we handle interactions with those who are coming to us with much greater need than we can meet?