Alison Wood Brooks

Oh my goodness. Well, congratulations on being engaged. I heard the word fiance in there. And I think you're right in sharing that story about coming home at the end of the day. And of course we're tired when we get home. So there are going to be moments when you It's hard to maintain continuous attention on another person, but we always have to remind ourselves that attention is a gift.

Oh my goodness. Well, congratulations on being engaged. I heard the word fiance in there. And I think you're right in sharing that story about coming home at the end of the day. And of course we're tired when we get home. So there are going to be moments when you It's hard to maintain continuous attention on another person, but we always have to remind ourselves that attention is a gift.

Just meeting the gaze of another person, listening to what they're saying and giving them the gift of your attention is a way of showing that you care about them, you respect them and that they matter to you. I've recently learned that like many 40 somethings who were raised in a time when neurodivergence wasn't as diagnosed, I recently learned that I have ADHD.

Just meeting the gaze of another person, listening to what they're saying and giving them the gift of your attention is a way of showing that you care about them, you respect them and that they matter to you. I've recently learned that like many 40 somethings who were raised in a time when neurodivergence wasn't as diagnosed, I recently learned that I have ADHD.

Just meeting the gaze of another person, listening to what they're saying and giving them the gift of your attention is a way of showing that you care about them, you respect them and that they matter to you. I've recently learned that like many 40 somethings who were raised in a time when neurodivergence wasn't as diagnosed, I recently learned that I have ADHD.

And so I all my life have also struggled with these moments when your mind is wandering and it actually is quite effortful to keep your attention trained on another person and on the conversation. And even if you don't have ADHD, the human mind was built to wander. Our minds are very our brains are really good at connecting ideas and brainstorming spontaneously and thinking about things.

And so I all my life have also struggled with these moments when your mind is wandering and it actually is quite effortful to keep your attention trained on another person and on the conversation. And even if you don't have ADHD, the human mind was built to wander. Our minds are very our brains are really good at connecting ideas and brainstorming spontaneously and thinking about things.

And so I all my life have also struggled with these moments when your mind is wandering and it actually is quite effortful to keep your attention trained on another person and on the conversation. And even if you don't have ADHD, the human mind was built to wander. Our minds are very our brains are really good at connecting ideas and brainstorming spontaneously and thinking about things.

And so we should know that about ourselves. I think there is often this assumption that we are continuously and always hanging on the word of every other person in the world. That's just really hard to achieve. And in our studies of people listening to each other in conversation, we found that people's minds are actually wandering more than 25% of the time during conversation. And that's normal.

And so we should know that about ourselves. I think there is often this assumption that we are continuously and always hanging on the word of every other person in the world. That's just really hard to achieve. And in our studies of people listening to each other in conversation, we found that people's minds are actually wandering more than 25% of the time during conversation. And that's normal.

And so we should know that about ourselves. I think there is often this assumption that we are continuously and always hanging on the word of every other person in the world. That's just really hard to achieve. And in our studies of people listening to each other in conversation, we found that people's minds are actually wandering more than 25% of the time during conversation. And that's normal.

You don't need to feel... bad about it. However, because giving attention to someone else is a signal that they matter and that you care about them, we should work hard to repair these moments of inattentiveness. And so if you notice that your own mind is wandering, you can ask repair questions like, oh, hey, John, I felt like you asked a really good question, but I missed the second half of it.

You don't need to feel... bad about it. However, because giving attention to someone else is a signal that they matter and that you care about them, we should work hard to repair these moments of inattentiveness. And so if you notice that your own mind is wandering, you can ask repair questions like, oh, hey, John, I felt like you asked a really good question, but I missed the second half of it.

You don't need to feel... bad about it. However, because giving attention to someone else is a signal that they matter and that you care about them, we should work hard to repair these moments of inattentiveness. And so if you notice that your own mind is wandering, you can ask repair questions like, oh, hey, John, I felt like you asked a really good question, but I missed the second half of it.

Could you repeat yourself? A repair question like that is a form of caring. It's saying, hey, I actually do want to hear what you said, and I missed it. It takes a little bit of courage to do that. It means that you have to admit openly that you missed something, that you made some sort of mistake, and that can take a little bit of courage and bravery.

Could you repeat yourself? A repair question like that is a form of caring. It's saying, hey, I actually do want to hear what you said, and I missed it. It takes a little bit of courage to do that. It means that you have to admit openly that you missed something, that you made some sort of mistake, and that can take a little bit of courage and bravery.

Could you repeat yourself? A repair question like that is a form of caring. It's saying, hey, I actually do want to hear what you said, and I missed it. It takes a little bit of courage to do that. It means that you have to admit openly that you missed something, that you made some sort of mistake, and that can take a little bit of courage and bravery.

And then, of course, the greatest repair strategy of all is an apology, right? So saying, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear what you just said. but I really want to. Can you just repeat that or can you help me out, help me understand what you were trying to say? These things can be very powerful for showing people that you care about them and you care about their perspective.

And then, of course, the greatest repair strategy of all is an apology, right? So saying, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear what you just said. but I really want to. Can you just repeat that or can you help me out, help me understand what you were trying to say? These things can be very powerful for showing people that you care about them and you care about their perspective.

And then, of course, the greatest repair strategy of all is an apology, right? So saying, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear what you just said. but I really want to. Can you just repeat that or can you help me out, help me understand what you were trying to say? These things can be very powerful for showing people that you care about them and you care about their perspective.