Alison Wood Brooks

What are our intentions? If we can think a little bit more about that before the conversation happens, and then afterwards, you have much more clarity to assess, well, did we achieve those things? And so in the book, we outline a framework to help people think about what their goals are in conversation. Every conversation, you have at least one goal.

Otherwise, you wouldn't bother having the cover. You wouldn't bother talking to the other person at all, even if that goal is just to have fun or just to be polite. Someone wanders up to you and they start talking to you and you feel like it would be rude to not talk back. That means your goal is politeness and upholding the very basic expectation to respond to somebody.

Otherwise, you wouldn't bother having the cover. You wouldn't bother talking to the other person at all, even if that goal is just to have fun or just to be polite. Someone wanders up to you and they start talking to you and you feel like it would be rude to not talk back. That means your goal is politeness and upholding the very basic expectation to respond to somebody.

Otherwise, you wouldn't bother having the cover. You wouldn't bother talking to the other person at all, even if that goal is just to have fun or just to be polite. Someone wanders up to you and they start talking to you and you feel like it would be rude to not talk back. That means your goal is politeness and upholding the very basic expectation to respond to somebody.

But usually when we have conversations, our system of goals is much more complex than that. We hold many goals at once. And some of those will align with our conversation partner goals and some of them will conflict. For example, so we use this framework called the conversational compass. It has two axes. The X axis is relational.

But usually when we have conversations, our system of goals is much more complex than that. We hold many goals at once. And some of those will align with our conversation partner goals and some of them will conflict. For example, so we use this framework called the conversational compass. It has two axes. The X axis is relational.

But usually when we have conversations, our system of goals is much more complex than that. We hold many goals at once. And some of those will align with our conversation partner goals and some of them will conflict. For example, so we use this framework called the conversational compass. It has two axes. The X axis is relational.

At the high end of the relational axis, these are goals that reach for things like trust and showing someone that they matter. So things that serve the relationship and serve the other person. At the low end of the relational spectrum, these are self-focused goals, things that serve yourself. They are not intrinsically bad. They're not evil.

At the high end of the relational axis, these are goals that reach for things like trust and showing someone that they matter. So things that serve the relationship and serve the other person. At the low end of the relational spectrum, these are self-focused goals, things that serve yourself. They are not intrinsically bad. They're not evil.

At the high end of the relational axis, these are goals that reach for things like trust and showing someone that they matter. So things that serve the relationship and serve the other person. At the low end of the relational spectrum, these are self-focused goals, things that serve yourself. They are not intrinsically bad. They're not evil.

It's just the fact of life that every person has their own needs. And so we're constantly navigating this relational access. Then the Y axis is informational. And at the high end of the informational axis, these are goals that reach for accurate information exchange. The most obvious purpose of communication is that we're trying to exchange information with each other.

It's just the fact of life that every person has their own needs. And so we're constantly navigating this relational access. Then the Y axis is informational. And at the high end of the informational axis, these are goals that reach for accurate information exchange. The most obvious purpose of communication is that we're trying to exchange information with each other.

It's just the fact of life that every person has their own needs. And so we're constantly navigating this relational access. Then the Y axis is informational. And at the high end of the informational axis, these are goals that reach for accurate information exchange. The most obvious purpose of communication is that we're trying to exchange information with each other.

It's why humans evolved the ability to communicate and use our words. So this is things like learning, teaching, brainstorming, persuading, making a decision, very highly information-rich things. motives that people hold in conversation. But let's not forget that there's a low informational end of that y-axis of that spectrum.

It's why humans evolved the ability to communicate and use our words. So this is things like learning, teaching, brainstorming, persuading, making a decision, very highly information-rich things. motives that people hold in conversation. But let's not forget that there's a low informational end of that y-axis of that spectrum.

It's why humans evolved the ability to communicate and use our words. So this is things like learning, teaching, brainstorming, persuading, making a decision, very highly information-rich things. motives that people hold in conversation. But let's not forget that there's a low informational end of that y-axis of that spectrum.

We hold all kinds of motives that are not related to exchanging accurate information exchange at all. So things like filling time, having fun, keeping secrets, protecting privacy. These are goals that are not about exchanging accurate information. Sometimes it's about concealing accurate information, or maybe it's not about information exchange at all. And these goals also matter.

We hold all kinds of motives that are not related to exchanging accurate information exchange at all. So things like filling time, having fun, keeping secrets, protecting privacy. These are goals that are not about exchanging accurate information. Sometimes it's about concealing accurate information, or maybe it's not about information exchange at all. And these goals also matter.

We hold all kinds of motives that are not related to exchanging accurate information exchange at all. So things like filling time, having fun, keeping secrets, protecting privacy. These are goals that are not about exchanging accurate information. Sometimes it's about concealing accurate information, or maybe it's not about information exchange at all. And these goals also matter.

So we, in my course, use this compass to help plot our goals for any given interaction to get more sense around, well, what do I care about and what are my top priorities? What do I really want to achieve in this interaction? And you go off, you have your conversation, and after it's ended, you can look back and say, oh, my number one goal was to learn about John's history in the military.