Alison Wood Brooks

So we, in my course, use this compass to help plot our goals for any given interaction to get more sense around, well, what do I care about and what are my top priorities? What do I really want to achieve in this interaction? And you go off, you have your conversation, and after it's ended, you can look back and say, oh, my number one goal was to learn about John's history in the military.

So we, in my course, use this compass to help plot our goals for any given interaction to get more sense around, well, what do I care about and what are my top priorities? What do I really want to achieve in this interaction? And you go off, you have your conversation, and after it's ended, you can look back and say, oh, my number one goal was to learn about John's history in the military.

Did I achieve that goal? Did I ask him enough questions about that topic? Were we able to do that? So it gives you a tool to assess how you did. Now, here's the tricky part. And this is part of why conversation is just so darn hard.

Did I achieve that goal? Did I ask him enough questions about that topic? Were we able to do that? So it gives you a tool to assess how you did. Now, here's the tricky part. And this is part of why conversation is just so darn hard.

Did I achieve that goal? Did I ask him enough questions about that topic? Were we able to do that? So it gives you a tool to assess how you did. Now, here's the tricky part. And this is part of why conversation is just so darn hard.

No matter how much you work to understand your intentions and go into an interaction with intentionality, you don't have perfect control over everything because there's another person involved. And at any moment in the conversation, they could say something that completely changes your own conversational compass and completely changes their conversational compass.

No matter how much you work to understand your intentions and go into an interaction with intentionality, you don't have perfect control over everything because there's another person involved. And at any moment in the conversation, they could say something that completely changes your own conversational compass and completely changes their conversational compass.

No matter how much you work to understand your intentions and go into an interaction with intentionality, you don't have perfect control over everything because there's another person involved. And at any moment in the conversation, they could say something that completely changes your own conversational compass and completely changes their conversational compass.

Imagine if all of a sudden I said, John, I was also in the military and I didn't like it. All of a sudden you've learned something about me that we now really need to unpack, right? And you didn't know that ahead of time.

Imagine if all of a sudden I said, John, I was also in the military and I didn't like it. All of a sudden you've learned something about me that we now really need to unpack, right? And you didn't know that ahead of time.

Imagine if all of a sudden I said, John, I was also in the military and I didn't like it. All of a sudden you've learned something about me that we now really need to unpack, right? And you didn't know that ahead of time.

I wasn't really in the military, but just as an example, they can say something that changes the dynamic of the conversation, shifts everybody's goals, and we need to be ready to be nimble and adjust to that new reality. And that's what makes conversation so hard.

I wasn't really in the military, but just as an example, they can say something that changes the dynamic of the conversation, shifts everybody's goals, and we need to be ready to be nimble and adjust to that new reality. And that's what makes conversation so hard.

I wasn't really in the military, but just as an example, they can say something that changes the dynamic of the conversation, shifts everybody's goals, and we need to be ready to be nimble and adjust to that new reality. And that's what makes conversation so hard.

John, you're talking about topic prep. That's one of my favorite things. We talk about it a lot in the book. This is something that people do that is such a great life hack for showing people that you care about them and that they matter, is that you've thought about them away from the conversation. You've thought about them ahead of time.

John, you're talking about topic prep. That's one of my favorite things. We talk about it a lot in the book. This is something that people do that is such a great life hack for showing people that you care about them and that they matter, is that you've thought about them away from the conversation. You've thought about them ahead of time.

John, you're talking about topic prep. That's one of my favorite things. We talk about it a lot in the book. This is something that people do that is such a great life hack for showing people that you care about them and that they matter, is that you've thought about them away from the conversation. You've thought about them ahead of time.

So in our research, what we find is even 30 seconds of forethought before a conversation starts will help you brainstorm topics and thoughts that can show the other person that you were thinking about them and that they matter to you. So even 30 seconds and you jot down just one or two things. Oh yeah, last time we talked, he told me that he worked for Lowe's. I want to revisit that.

So in our research, what we find is even 30 seconds of forethought before a conversation starts will help you brainstorm topics and thoughts that can show the other person that you were thinking about them and that they matter to you. So even 30 seconds and you jot down just one or two things. Oh yeah, last time we talked, he told me that he worked for Lowe's. I want to revisit that.

So in our research, what we find is even 30 seconds of forethought before a conversation starts will help you brainstorm topics and thoughts that can show the other person that you were thinking about them and that they matter to you. So even 30 seconds and you jot down just one or two things. Oh yeah, last time we talked, he told me that he worked for Lowe's. I want to revisit that.