Alison Wood Brooks

I want to go back and say, by the way, how was it? How was it to work for Lowe's? How long did you work there? And who were your favorite coworkers? What were they like?

I want to go back and say, by the way, how was it? How was it to work for Lowe's? How long did you work there? And who were your favorite coworkers? What were they like?

I want to go back and say, by the way, how was it? How was it to work for Lowe's? How long did you work there? And who were your favorite coworkers? What were they like?

So just a little moment like that where you remember what you talked about last time or what they've been doing in the time between or what they have coming up and jotting down a couple of ideas can make your conversation much more effective once you're in the conversation itself. You're a very good topic prepper, John, but more people could be like you.

So just a little moment like that where you remember what you talked about last time or what they've been doing in the time between or what they have coming up and jotting down a couple of ideas can make your conversation much more effective once you're in the conversation itself. You're a very good topic prepper, John, but more people could be like you.

So just a little moment like that where you remember what you talked about last time or what they've been doing in the time between or what they have coming up and jotting down a couple of ideas can make your conversation much more effective once you're in the conversation itself. You're a very good topic prepper, John, but more people could be like you.

Oh, so this is good. It's related to this idea of topic prep, right? Because in every, and in most tasks that are live, but certainly conversation there, you have to strike the right balance between preparation ahead of time versus intuitive improvisational decision-making in the moment. And the same is true in conversation.

Oh, so this is good. It's related to this idea of topic prep, right? Because in every, and in most tasks that are live, but certainly conversation there, you have to strike the right balance between preparation ahead of time versus intuitive improvisational decision-making in the moment. And the same is true in conversation.

Oh, so this is good. It's related to this idea of topic prep, right? Because in every, and in most tasks that are live, but certainly conversation there, you have to strike the right balance between preparation ahead of time versus intuitive improvisational decision-making in the moment. And the same is true in conversation.

You want to put enough prep in to show people that you were thinking about them when you were apart and that you prepped some topics and that you have thought about your intentionality and what you'd like to get out of the conversation. But once you're there, you need to let things go and be in the moment and rely on your more intuitive judgment, what psychologists would call system one thinking.

You want to put enough prep in to show people that you were thinking about them when you were apart and that you prepped some topics and that you have thought about your intentionality and what you'd like to get out of the conversation. But once you're there, you need to let things go and be in the moment and rely on your more intuitive judgment, what psychologists would call system one thinking.

You want to put enough prep in to show people that you were thinking about them when you were apart and that you prepped some topics and that you have thought about your intentionality and what you'd like to get out of the conversation. But once you're there, you need to let things go and be in the moment and rely on your more intuitive judgment, what psychologists would call system one thinking.

And so striking the balance between the two is really key. Now, many of us end up relying too heavily on our intuitive judgment. We don't prep topics. We don't think about what our goals are. We just bump into people randomly in the world and then we wing it. And our research suggests that is also not the right equilibrium.

And so striking the balance between the two is really key. Now, many of us end up relying too heavily on our intuitive judgment. We don't prep topics. We don't think about what our goals are. We just bump into people randomly in the world and then we wing it. And our research suggests that is also not the right equilibrium.

And so striking the balance between the two is really key. Now, many of us end up relying too heavily on our intuitive judgment. We don't prep topics. We don't think about what our goals are. We just bump into people randomly in the world and then we wing it. And our research suggests that is also not the right equilibrium.

You should be both preparing ahead of time and feeling comfortable improvising in the moment to become the best conversationalists that you can be. We call this the myth of naturalness. When we see other people who are really great at conversation, often we believe that they're just born that way.

You should be both preparing ahead of time and feeling comfortable improvising in the moment to become the best conversationalists that you can be. We call this the myth of naturalness. When we see other people who are really great at conversation, often we believe that they're just born that way.

You should be both preparing ahead of time and feeling comfortable improvising in the moment to become the best conversationalists that you can be. We call this the myth of naturalness. When we see other people who are really great at conversation, often we believe that they're just born that way.

and that they have amazing intuition and amazing intuitive judgment about how to behave in the moment. When in fact, what you can't see is all of the stuff that's happening under the surface for them. You don't see the many years when they were working hard to develop a skill, or like you, John, working to overcome some sort of challenge in their communicative abilities.

and that they have amazing intuition and amazing intuitive judgment about how to behave in the moment. When in fact, what you can't see is all of the stuff that's happening under the surface for them. You don't see the many years when they were working hard to develop a skill, or like you, John, working to overcome some sort of challenge in their communicative abilities.