Alison Wood Brooks

At Harvard Business School, behavioral scientist Alison Woodbrook says that handling difficult conversations starts with noticing how we respond to them. You cannot be an effective interlocutor with someone else when you are unaware of how you yourself are reacting.

At Harvard Business School, behavioral scientist Alison Woodbrook says that handling difficult conversations starts with noticing how we respond to them. You cannot be an effective interlocutor with someone else when you are unaware of how you yourself are reacting.

At Harvard Business School, behavioral scientist Alison Woodbrook says that handling difficult conversations starts with noticing how we respond to them. You cannot be an effective interlocutor with someone else when you are unaware of how you yourself are reacting.

Alison got a chance to apply her research in her own life when a student came to her and complained that she had been insensitive in class.

Alison got a chance to apply her research in her own life when a student came to her and complained that she had been insensitive in class.

Alison got a chance to apply her research in her own life when a student came to her and complained that she had been insensitive in class.

It's recognizing your own emotions. It's also trying to recognize what your goals are in that moment. So emotions are often automatic, and you get into that upper left quadrant, those high arousal negative feelings, and there are these sort of parasympathetic nervous system signals that are happening that you can't control. But reflecting about what your goals are is so important.

It's recognizing your own emotions. It's also trying to recognize what your goals are in that moment. So emotions are often automatic, and you get into that upper left quadrant, those high arousal negative feelings, and there are these sort of parasympathetic nervous system signals that are happening that you can't control. But reflecting about what your goals are is so important.

It's recognizing your own emotions. It's also trying to recognize what your goals are in that moment. So emotions are often automatic, and you get into that upper left quadrant, those high arousal negative feelings, and there are these sort of parasympathetic nervous system signals that are happening that you can't control. But reflecting about what your goals are is so important.

Are you trying to persuade other people to agree with you? Are you trying to continue to engage in this conversation? Are you trying to connect? Are you trying to learn from them? Are you trying to listen?

Are you trying to persuade other people to agree with you? Are you trying to continue to engage in this conversation? Are you trying to connect? Are you trying to learn from them? Are you trying to listen?

Are you trying to persuade other people to agree with you? Are you trying to continue to engage in this conversation? Are you trying to connect? Are you trying to learn from them? Are you trying to listen?

What we've found in much of our research is that in these moments, when you're feeling these high arousal negative feelings, it's very natural to have goals to defend yourself and to persuade other people to agree with you. You need to understand me. So you start making statements to try and persuade them. But the more effective way to react in those moments is to focus on learning, right?

What we've found in much of our research is that in these moments, when you're feeling these high arousal negative feelings, it's very natural to have goals to defend yourself and to persuade other people to agree with you. You need to understand me. So you start making statements to try and persuade them. But the more effective way to react in those moments is to focus on learning, right?

What we've found in much of our research is that in these moments, when you're feeling these high arousal negative feelings, it's very natural to have goals to defend yourself and to persuade other people to agree with you. You need to understand me. So you start making statements to try and persuade them. But the more effective way to react in those moments is to focus on learning, right?

which is not intuitive. So you need to learn as much as you can about the other person's perspective. Why did they feel this way? Why did he feel... He clearly felt moved enough that he needed to come and give me this feedback. Tell me more about that. What was that like for you? And how often do you feel this way? And how could I have said this differently?

which is not intuitive. So you need to learn as much as you can about the other person's perspective. Why did they feel this way? Why did he feel... He clearly felt moved enough that he needed to come and give me this feedback. Tell me more about that. What was that like for you? And how often do you feel this way? And how could I have said this differently?

which is not intuitive. So you need to learn as much as you can about the other person's perspective. Why did they feel this way? Why did he feel... He clearly felt moved enough that he needed to come and give me this feedback. Tell me more about that. What was that like for you? And how often do you feel this way? And how could I have said this differently?

So learning as much as you can about the other person's perspective is... much more effective for making the conversation continue in a productive way and ultimately, and this is sort of the ironic part, ultimately to be more persuasive because the other person is going to see you as much more reasonable and measured.

So learning as much as you can about the other person's perspective is... much more effective for making the conversation continue in a productive way and ultimately, and this is sort of the ironic part, ultimately to be more persuasive because the other person is going to see you as much more reasonable and measured.