Alison Wood Brooks

Even just by labeling it and saying, let's hit the refresh button, it really helps so much.

So in other words, just like we can call attention to what's happening inside our minds and label it and say, you know, I'm feeling defensive, I'm feeling upset, I'm feeling called out, I'm feeling threatened. What she is doing is saying we can call attention to what's happening in the conversation. Notice where we are in the chat.

So in other words, just like we can call attention to what's happening inside our minds and label it and say, you know, I'm feeling defensive, I'm feeling upset, I'm feeling called out, I'm feeling threatened. What she is doing is saying we can call attention to what's happening in the conversation. Notice where we are in the chat.

So in other words, just like we can call attention to what's happening inside our minds and label it and say, you know, I'm feeling defensive, I'm feeling upset, I'm feeling called out, I'm feeling threatened. What she is doing is saying we can call attention to what's happening in the conversation. Notice where we are in the chat.

That's right. It's what makes levity so powerful as well. You notice if people are getting bored or disengaged from the conversation, it's so important in those moments to realize the emotional timbre and to do something about it. Switch topics, make a joke, smile, give someone a compliment. Just to lift the mood is incredibly powerful.

That's right. It's what makes levity so powerful as well. You notice if people are getting bored or disengaged from the conversation, it's so important in those moments to realize the emotional timbre and to do something about it. Switch topics, make a joke, smile, give someone a compliment. Just to lift the mood is incredibly powerful.

That's right. It's what makes levity so powerful as well. You notice if people are getting bored or disengaged from the conversation, it's so important in those moments to realize the emotional timbre and to do something about it. Switch topics, make a joke, smile, give someone a compliment. Just to lift the mood is incredibly powerful.

One error we make in difficult conversations is we sometimes try to see things from the perspective of the other person, which on the surface seems like a good thing. But the problem is when we do this, we imagine how we would think and what we would do in their circumstances. Talk about what happens when we do this, Alison.

One error we make in difficult conversations is we sometimes try to see things from the perspective of the other person, which on the surface seems like a good thing. But the problem is when we do this, we imagine how we would think and what we would do in their circumstances. Talk about what happens when we do this, Alison.

One error we make in difficult conversations is we sometimes try to see things from the perspective of the other person, which on the surface seems like a good thing. But the problem is when we do this, we imagine how we would think and what we would do in their circumstances. Talk about what happens when we do this, Alison.

It's such a well-meaning instinct, but unfortunately, the human mind is so egocentric. So we try to imagine what another person would be thinking and feeling, but we use our own thoughts and feelings as a sort of proxy, as a guess. This is what helps us guess how other people are thinking and feeling. We're relying on our own point of view. And unfortunately, no two people are exactly alike.

It's such a well-meaning instinct, but unfortunately, the human mind is so egocentric. So we try to imagine what another person would be thinking and feeling, but we use our own thoughts and feelings as a sort of proxy, as a guess. This is what helps us guess how other people are thinking and feeling. We're relying on our own point of view. And unfortunately, no two people are exactly alike.

It's such a well-meaning instinct, but unfortunately, the human mind is so egocentric. So we try to imagine what another person would be thinking and feeling, but we use our own thoughts and feelings as a sort of proxy, as a guess. This is what helps us guess how other people are thinking and feeling. We're relying on our own point of view. And unfortunately, no two people are exactly alike.

Even my twin sister, Sarah, and I are not exactly alike. And most people are just incredibly different from each other. And we underestimate how different other people are from us. So... Very famously, psychologists have found that people are just really, it's very challenging to take another person's perspective.

Even my twin sister, Sarah, and I are not exactly alike. And most people are just incredibly different from each other. And we underestimate how different other people are from us. So... Very famously, psychologists have found that people are just really, it's very challenging to take another person's perspective.

Even my twin sister, Sarah, and I are not exactly alike. And most people are just incredibly different from each other. And we underestimate how different other people are from us. So... Very famously, psychologists have found that people are just really, it's very challenging to take another person's perspective.

The most direct way to take another person's perspective isn't to guess, but to ask them for it, to ask questions and actually hear from their own mouth what's going on in their mind.

The most direct way to take another person's perspective isn't to guess, but to ask them for it, to ask questions and actually hear from their own mouth what's going on in their mind.

The most direct way to take another person's perspective isn't to guess, but to ask them for it, to ask questions and actually hear from their own mouth what's going on in their mind.

When we come back, why seemingly innocuous comments can deeply hurt another person and a magic key to disarming someone who is very angry with you. You're listening to Hidden Brain. I'm Shankar Vedantam.