Alison Wood Brooks

That's right. We cannot possibly communicate about all of these micro decisions. We cannot. The irony of it is that even while we're talking to each other, we can't actually communicate directly about all of these things. Not only for feasibility concerns, we don't have enough time to communicate about all these decisions. But also we have this expectation of sort of naturalness.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

A good conversation needs to feel like you've alighted on delightful topics without talking about it, that you understand each other's minds without communicating directly about it. That's sort of where the magic lives. And too much direct communication can quickly undermine that magic.

A good conversation needs to feel like you've alighted on delightful topics without talking about it, that you understand each other's minds without communicating directly about it. That's sort of where the magic lives. And too much direct communication can quickly undermine that magic.

A good conversation needs to feel like you've alighted on delightful topics without talking about it, that you understand each other's minds without communicating directly about it. That's sort of where the magic lives. And too much direct communication can quickly undermine that magic.

That's right. In many ways, he finally met the right woman to give him feedback that was so valuable for him. But in other ways, some would say that he went on a date with the wrong woman, mess with the wrong girl. That's right. It's so rare to get certainly direct feedback about, you know, oh, that joke was really funny. Or I really loved when you gave me that compliment.

That's right. In many ways, he finally met the right woman to give him feedback that was so valuable for him. But in other ways, some would say that he went on a date with the wrong woman, mess with the wrong girl. That's right. It's so rare to get certainly direct feedback about, you know, oh, that joke was really funny. Or I really loved when you gave me that compliment.

That's right. In many ways, he finally met the right woman to give him feedback that was so valuable for him. But in other ways, some would say that he went on a date with the wrong woman, mess with the wrong girl. That's right. It's so rare to get certainly direct feedback about, you know, oh, that joke was really funny. Or I really loved when you gave me that compliment.

Or, hey, you've asked me 16 questions so far. Good for you. Yeah. Or, hey, that thing that you said, I didn't quite understand it. Or, hey, when you said this, it really hurt my feelings. We just don't have time to communicate in that way and give live feedback like that. And it just goes against all of the sort of norms of human-to-human communication.

Or, hey, you've asked me 16 questions so far. Good for you. Yeah. Or, hey, that thing that you said, I didn't quite understand it. Or, hey, when you said this, it really hurt my feelings. We just don't have time to communicate in that way and give live feedback like that. And it just goes against all of the sort of norms of human-to-human communication.

Or, hey, you've asked me 16 questions so far. Good for you. Yeah. Or, hey, that thing that you said, I didn't quite understand it. Or, hey, when you said this, it really hurt my feelings. We just don't have time to communicate in that way and give live feedback like that. And it just goes against all of the sort of norms of human-to-human communication.

And I think every once in a while you encounter someone who is courageous enough and kind enough to actually tell you that, hey, I really admired when you did this thing or it really hurt me when you did this. But it takes such an incredible array of sort of stars to align and a very skilled person to be able to deliver feedback in a way that doesn't feel overly personal, overly threatening.

And I think every once in a while you encounter someone who is courageous enough and kind enough to actually tell you that, hey, I really admired when you did this thing or it really hurt me when you did this. But it takes such an incredible array of sort of stars to align and a very skilled person to be able to deliver feedback in a way that doesn't feel overly personal, overly threatening.

And I think every once in a while you encounter someone who is courageous enough and kind enough to actually tell you that, hey, I really admired when you did this thing or it really hurt me when you did this. But it takes such an incredible array of sort of stars to align and a very skilled person to be able to deliver feedback in a way that doesn't feel overly personal, overly threatening.

It also requires a really sturdy relationship. You have to really trust each other in order to be able to say something so vulnerable to someone.

It also requires a really sturdy relationship. You have to really trust each other in order to be able to say something so vulnerable to someone.

It also requires a really sturdy relationship. You have to really trust each other in order to be able to say something so vulnerable to someone.

Yes, even a professor of conversation is not immune from the perils of small talk. About once a week, I would say, I have a conversation where I think, wow, I really messed up small talk there. This conversation, we were taking our three children out trick-or-treating. It was an unseasonably warm night. It was beautiful.