Alison Wood Brooks

hide your own selfishness, your own egocentrism.

Oh, sugar, this happens all the time. I think the reason this clip is so funny to us is because it's so relatable. We have done research recently to show that people's minds are wandering 24% of the time during conversation. Wow. And this was based on their own self-reports.

Oh, sugar, this happens all the time. I think the reason this clip is so funny to us is because it's so relatable. We have done research recently to show that people's minds are wandering 24% of the time during conversation. Wow. And this was based on their own self-reports.

Oh, sugar, this happens all the time. I think the reason this clip is so funny to us is because it's so relatable. We have done research recently to show that people's minds are wandering 24% of the time during conversation. Wow. And this was based on their own self-reports.

So we interrupted them every five minutes in a conversation and asked them, were you listening attentively to your partner or was your mind wandering? And 24% of the time they say, actually, my mind was wandering. I wasn't listening to my partner. We suspect this is an underestimate because people know that it's sort of embarrassing to not be listening to their partner.

So we interrupted them every five minutes in a conversation and asked them, were you listening attentively to your partner or was your mind wandering? And 24% of the time they say, actually, my mind was wandering. I wasn't listening to my partner. We suspect this is an underestimate because people know that it's sort of embarrassing to not be listening to their partner.

So we interrupted them every five minutes in a conversation and asked them, were you listening attentively to your partner or was your mind wandering? And 24% of the time they say, actually, my mind was wandering. I wasn't listening to my partner. We suspect this is an underestimate because people know that it's sort of embarrassing to not be listening to their partner.

You see this happen during video calls or like on Zoom. People are smiling and nodding at the camera even while they're like to the side texting their friend or making a grocery list because there are these norms of politeness, right? We know that we should make our partners feel like we're listening to them.

You see this happen during video calls or like on Zoom. People are smiling and nodding at the camera even while they're like to the side texting their friend or making a grocery list because there are these norms of politeness, right? We know that we should make our partners feel like we're listening to them.

You see this happen during video calls or like on Zoom. People are smiling and nodding at the camera even while they're like to the side texting their friend or making a grocery list because there are these norms of politeness, right? We know that we should make our partners feel like we're listening to them.

That's right. We often talk about this idea of the myth of naturalness. So many of my students and so many people believe that good conversationalists are born, that they are extroverted and gregarious and charismatic, and that's just how they are. It's their personality.

That's right. We often talk about this idea of the myth of naturalness. So many of my students and so many people believe that good conversationalists are born, that they are extroverted and gregarious and charismatic, and that's just how they are. It's their personality.

That's right. We often talk about this idea of the myth of naturalness. So many of my students and so many people believe that good conversationalists are born, that they are extroverted and gregarious and charismatic, and that's just how they are. It's their personality.

But so much of the work that I've done over the last 15 years suggests that many, many things about conversation are very learnable. Even for the most introverted, shy, awkward people who really think that they weren't born charismatic, these things can be learned as well. And one of the most valuable things that we've learned in our research and in my class is this idea of topic preparation.

But so much of the work that I've done over the last 15 years suggests that many, many things about conversation are very learnable. Even for the most introverted, shy, awkward people who really think that they weren't born charismatic, these things can be learned as well. And one of the most valuable things that we've learned in our research and in my class is this idea of topic preparation.

But so much of the work that I've done over the last 15 years suggests that many, many things about conversation are very learnable. Even for the most introverted, shy, awkward people who really think that they weren't born charismatic, these things can be learned as well. And one of the most valuable things that we've learned in our research and in my class is this idea of topic preparation.

Topic preparation is literally just thinking about what are possible things that we could talk about before the conversation begins. It's not complex. And many people find this idea of preparing for a conversation, especially for people that we're close to outside of work, to be very aversive.

Topic preparation is literally just thinking about what are possible things that we could talk about before the conversation begins. It's not complex. And many people find this idea of preparing for a conversation, especially for people that we're close to outside of work, to be very aversive.

Topic preparation is literally just thinking about what are possible things that we could talk about before the conversation begins. It's not complex. And many people find this idea of preparing for a conversation, especially for people that we're close to outside of work, to be very aversive.

You sort of have this instinct that I shouldn't need to prepare for a conversation with someone that I'm close to. We'll get together and I'll know exactly what to talk about or we'll have many things to talk about. And many of my students feel this way too. They're sort of like, why are you making me prepare for a casual conversation?