Amanda

because in this transaction is the promise of future peace yes as if peace is this is what you're describing anytime yes um so that i think we should be suspicious of and that's what that quote is getting at like if you're not if it's not now don't pretend that there's a means to an end here

It reminds me of that story of the person climbing.

There's a ladder against a wall.

I think this is another Buddhist story.

And the guy can't get up the ladder fast enough.

So he's trying to train and trying to figure out how to get up the ladder faster and how to be the fastest.

And then suddenly realizes the ladder is on the wrong wall.

Like it's the wall.

It's the wrong fucking wall.

Like it doesn't matter how good he's getting that, how fast he's going to make it up that ladder if it's the wrong wall.

So like I'm thinking now of the wall as your original goal.

Like the ultimate goal is to solve all the problems, do all the projects, do all the things, fix all the things for all the people, be the best at it.

If I do anything less than that, I'm just being less good at the wall.

So if that's not the wall,

Do you have any idea what the replacement for that goal is?

And it might just be, I also believe strongly in the not this moment.

It could just be, I don't know yet.

I just know it's not this wall.

Is there any inkling of what the next, the realer, truer ultimate goal or wall is for you?

Well, it's a good thing you can do hard things, sister.