Amber Tamblyn

I think there was I think I got discouraged early about ever sort of submitting my work or doing anything with it other than just writing and performing.

I would do book tours.

I would I would frequent a place called Beyond Baroque in Los Angeles where I would read a lot.

And I think around the time I was writing Dark Sparkler, which really, really was a kind of exorcism for me, it was a

I was deep in the middle of a real existential crisis trying to figure out what I wanted to be outside of this idea of going into other people's rooms and auditioning and interpreting their work and knowing I had so much more to offer.

Where did the existential crisis stem from?

Well, it stemmed from the fact that I had only ever really played other people for a living my whole life since I was 11.

You know, people always ask me, like, how old were you when you knew you wanted to act?

And that...

That idea is something that I have come up against and talked about in therapy for so many years to think about how does a child have a choice?

What choice does the child have in choosing that life?

It's not really a child's choice.

That's the choice of adults.

And then the child spends their time trying to please adults by performing.

And so then your life becomes performative.

You are a walking, talking, living performance.

It's complicated.

And so Dark Sparkler was sort of this reckoning for myself, coming to terms with myself, with also how do you talk about this pain?

How do you talk about this invisibility experience?

while still knowing you are the most privileged person in any given room for the money you make, the job you have, the industry you're in, that people would love to be a part of.