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Amoyea Hassan

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Modesty, DPDR, and Conviction ft Amoyea Hassan | SavedNotSoftPodcast

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Yeah, you had, like, women who started kind of looking up to you with your walk with Jesus at this point.

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hopefully they register one day right that's my hope if he gives his life to christ there's a lot of celebrities who need to give their lives to christ but but you kind of like see that too now there is this like chain reaction of some celebrities like coming forward and proclaiming christ people with platforms we see it a lot i think it's really people realizing that is this emptiness that's inside of them like you've you've got the money you've got the following you've got the attention you got the fancy clothes you

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Brooklyn to be exact. Born and raised.

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You've got everything that you want, but there's still an emptiness that's inside of you. And that emptiness is the fact that you do not have Christ. One of the worst things that you can realize in your life is when you become successful, but you're not fulfilled. And I see a lot of people, that's why you see billionaires and millionaires committing suicide.

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You can have all the money in the world, you're successful, but there's no fulfillment inside of you. Can you imagine reaching that place in your life where you have everything, but you still feel empty? Yeah.

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i'm in country culture shock complete culture shock i came here i was like emmy where you got me right or even you would look at my location be like do you live in the middle of nowhere literally like on apple just looks like she's in the middle of absolute nowhere and i'm used to the tall buildings the corner store on every single block here it's like you got to drive to get anywhere yeah

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things catastrophic happens in the faith is people are jumping from these really big platforms and they're failing to just get at the feet yeah it's also because they actually don't know christ facts they don't know christ some people have been starting a lot of platforms prematurely that's that's another thing as well too like some people they experience christ

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um they had like a supernatural experience but they don't really know who jesus is they haven't went through their pruning season with christ and um they start these platforms and now they start experiencing spiritual warfare and they're like whoa whoa whoa yeah and they walk away from the faith

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I feel like that kind of happened to me in the beginning of my walk with Christ because I gave my life to Christ like in 2020. And then I was just openly sharing my testimony a lot like on TikTok. I would just go live and just start sharing.

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telling everybody about jesus because it's like you know you get that fresh fire like when you just give your life to christ all you want to do is just share the gospel yeah um but i would begin to share the gospel but also at the same time people are coming to me for prayer and all these things so i begin to like start preaching like like a minister and um the lord told me to sit down

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like he said what are you doing like sit down like there's so much more that i have to teach you like you have to go through this process by yourself and that's when i said like i lost a lot of my friends i went through that season of really just being consecrated that's another thing too they don't know what a season of consecration looks like yeah um they don't know what it's like to like really just be alone with god and receive from him find out exactly who you are you know because that transition there's a lot that needs to be removed needs to be added like god is like patchworking you

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you are like one of the closest friends that i have that know the word hallelujah know the word and to fact the fact that that it's only been like three years three to four years like people be 10 years into their faith yeah they don't know the word people will also go to church their entire life yeah and not know the word of god but i think the difference for me when it comes to the word of god is that

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Yeah, literally. This is my twin. This is my other half on the other side of, literally. We thank God for this friendship.

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That's my biggest insecurity. Yeah. That's why I always say to you, carry graces as my best friend that I know that some of those things I don't carry.

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Because that girl can pray for hours. We thank God. We give God all the glory. No, but when it comes to you, like you said, the memory. And it's so funny how you speak about the accelerated fire because that was my... In terms of starting the podcast and everything I told you, that is literally... my biggest insecurity was me feeling like I did not know enough.

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I did not know enough to start or did not know enough to share the gospel. And that is a lie from the enemy. That is truly a lie from the enemy, feeling like you don't know enough.

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and one thing that god also said to me is that your testimony is actually your biggest sermon is the most powerful sermon because it's a personal revelation of how you know jesus christ and not not everybody can relate to that yeah so for me um like yeah when it came to well my podcast is called giving grace so when it came to that um i was like being disobedient to the max like i felt the burden for the whole year was not starting the thing because i felt like i did not know enough or i felt like um

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i it's hard for me to memorize scripture even to this day like that is still something i always i'm transparent with you about that is something that i i just can't stand but god is working with me god is giving me grace on that um not being able to memorize scripture but the love that i have for god he told me is enough it is enough and um just understanding that it is the lord that will put that utterance inside of me a lot of the time the fear comes from the

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Then I sit down and I start speaking and it's not me. It's the Holy Spirit that is moving through me. And the Bible says that the Spirit will give you that utterance. So I had to understand that that is not by my strength alone. It's not by my works alone, but it's by him. It's by his strength.

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and I'm the last one and the youngest who's gonna want me who's gonna and that's how I looked at myself I'm like God I barely know enough like you know I'm around a couple of friends who are in ministries and they are they know their Bible they know scripture and for me I'm like uh somebody can ask me a scripture I'm like uh but it's like I love you Jesus like I know that this is what I'm called to um but yeah it's just like I said it's not by

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And I just kind of accepted Christ into my life at that time. But I was pretty lonely. I didn't have I had friends, but I feel like I didn't have people in my life who truly understood the battles that I was experiencing in Christ. And I remember I just cried out to God one night.

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That's kind of touching me. That was okay. No, that's good.

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You don't even know, like, in my quiet place, like, my secret place, I would cry out to God, right? Like, I would be wrestling with it. Like, in a sense, like, I'll have my days where I'm just like, God, why are you calling me to this thing? Like, what is this? Like, why don't you call somebody else? Like, I don't want this, right? Because I feel like I'm... I'm not there like Moses, right?

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And one thing that I see when it comes to Moses and his stutters, there's a compassion that God has. There's a love that he has for us. He knows what you're coming with, right? He knows that, okay, Moses, I know you have this stutter. Amoy, I know your memory is not the best. He's not asking us to come ready.

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He's telling us, listen, if you are willing, all I need is willingness and I can work with that, right? And that's what it was when it came to me. It was just like, God, I'm willing. I want to do the work. I want to serve you. And he said, okay. Like, that's all you need.

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and i was saying to him just like lord like i need to know that i'm not crazy yeah i need to know what i'm experiencing which was the dpdr yeah um and just severe anxiety and just a bunch of mind torment and i was like god i need to know that i am not crazy so i just felt very very alone and that's what the enemy tries to do to you always tries to make you feel like you're the only person that's going through um what you're battling and i can say probably like

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so like that even allowed me to realize like even something like anxiety right like the whole dpdr thing it's like okay i have this thing that's going on with me um i hate it i hate the severe anxiety i hate feeling like this but i'm gonna boast in this situation i'm gonna boast in this thing because i know that is the lord that is going i need a savior like you said like i will be saved through this thing god is the one who has given me the strength to go through this thing every single day

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You feel like you're in a video game basically.

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That's literally how mine happened. It was so weird, though, because mine was like when I say it was so weird. The first time I experienced EPDR was in a high.

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Was it called 420? Oh, yeah, it was 420. Yeah, that's the first time I had an edible. And ever since then, you know, be careful about who you hang with and who you chill with because these people, like, the enemy will send people into your life and they will plant seeds. And weed was introduced to me through a guy.

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And I began to become basically addicted to it to the point I had a very, very, very, very embarrassing situation. I was a senior in high school. I got so high. I was stressed out at that time. And the funny thing, what I was stressed out about senior year was the fact that I started missing my father. That's another situation. Yeah. But that's another topic.

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A week or two weeks later, I'm an Emmy. Yeah. Introduced by one of our, a friend.

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But yeah, my father died when I was three years old. So like when I got to high school, it was so weird. I felt like for the first time I started filling the void of being fatherless.

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and i started searching for um that love of a father and all the wrong things whether that be men whether that be drugs and um weed was that one thing at the time um for my senior year and yeah i had that oh my gosh like literally i got so high in the back of my classroom remember i had a substitute teacher and i started doing jumping jacks and i passed out boom

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Because I was so high, I kept fainting. Like, many, like, flashes. And I got to the front of the room and I started doing jumping jacks to, like, gain my speed back. Because I'm like, okay, no, nothing's wrong with me. You know, you try to convince yourself. And I did jumping jacks and boom, I passed out. The ambulance had to come to the school. It was a lot. It was really, really bad.

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So that was the first time that I experienced a DPDR. And me being a dummy, I continued to smoke, thinking that, OK, like, you know, it was just a little bad high. And every time I smoked, it just got worse and worse and worse. And I took a break. I stopped. Actually, I told myself I'm actually not going to do this thing anymore. And I think it was like 2014. Yeah, 2019, I was working at Zara.

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I had my first job and I caught it behind the register. Mind you, I'm experiencing DPDR now and I'm not high. So it was like a panic attack. And it was a panic attack that I just caught out of nowhere. This guy just asked me for something behind the register. And I... I literally did not know what to say to him. Like my tongue went numb and everything. And after that day, I was never the same.

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I was experiencing DPDR every day. Not realizing that even me going back to that job at Zara, it was like a PTSD effect. Like I kept experiencing the panic attack over and over every single day. Then I had to quit. Kind of like OCD. Mmm.

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I like how you mentioned the temptation part too, because a lot of people think when they come to Christ, they're not going to experience something ever again.

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right yeah and that was that that's the the biggest thing for me was kind of like i begin to go back and forth with god like okay i'm i gave my life to you i'm living for christ why am i still experiencing because the truth of the matter is it still happens here and there you know like i still experience sometimes i'll have like a mini panic attack or

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the enemy tries to get into my mind wherever the case is right or i'll feel like i'm experiencing like that dpdr thing um but like you said it's about like how you handle it yeah and um before like the enemy would do this thing of trying to trap me because i started really experiencing in covid so i would be trapped in my home i wouldn't want to come out and i wouldn't even want to want to go to church like i wouldn't want to be around anyone and i started doing the opposite i started i started doing what god wanted me to do right so i started getting around people getting around community coming out of my room coming out of my shell

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And yeah, just is about how you treat the situation.

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with that there's a true crossover from 19 to 20 yes there is a true crossover because like i said like in those stages was when i started actually what they call it the frontal lobe i think like the the first part of my frontal lobe started i thought well i i'm pretty sure your frontal lobe fully develops when you're 25 oh okay

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but maybe you could just start maybe maybe i think i just started processing life different y'all understand what i'm saying she mad smart anyways like but um i there was like a part of me that started realizing certain things in my life right like um when i when leaving 19 going into 20 um realizing there were certain voids in my life right one of those voids was like i mentioned the fatherless void

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That's when I started searching for love and affection and so many other things rather than seeking God. Right. That was like 18, 19 going into 20 years old. And by the age of 20, that's when I fully devoted my life to Christ.

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yeah you just get it and i don't have to over explain myself or make you understand you just get it which is something i've never had with any of my friendships is there's just a part of me you get that nobody else just gets yeah we understand like everybody like all of our friends are in our life for a specific reason and for a specific purpose but i feel like you're one of those friends that have have been in my life like so that i do not feel alone yeah like your presence lets me know like i said is that like

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and we see in a lot of households that men are usually attacked the most yeah we see that yeah but um yeah literally growing up like we said the difference between me and you is that like we both experience absence but in different ways like my absence is the knowing that my father my father passed away very very traumatic um my father was shot i told you right yes um yes i know that very well no i'm not laughing okay

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I'm like, you remember that, right? But it's cool. But anyways, yeah, like, he passed away when I was three years old. So, like, with that being said, I'm so sorry. Oh. Why are you laughing? You're so unserious. I'm sorry. But yeah, so he passed away when I was three years old. He ended up getting shot. And growing up, you know, without my dad, it was not the easiest thing ever.

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My brothers, they have their fathers in their lives, unlike me. So, yeah, it was very hard when I came when I gave my life to Christ. I didn't. I didn't really know how to accept, like you said, God as a father. Yeah. I always looked up to God as this high authority figure, like, oh my gosh, you know? Yeah, same.

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But in like the last year, in the beginning of this year, was kind of those, like God was speaking to me to receive him as a father and come to him as a daughter. So even in my language, I realized even in my prayer language, I would speak to God like, you know, Lord. And I would say, God, I never called God father. Hmm.

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rarely rarely and I realized the more I called him father was the deeper of deeper intimate like I would I would get into like deeper levels of intimacy with him so like every time I would be like father father it would break parts of me it would break parts of me and like fill voids inside of me that I realized I didn't realize existed yeah and I think it's because there's a part of you that doesn't know that unknown space of like you don't know what it's like to have a relationship with the father and I think

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That allowed you to walk in a lot of forgiveness.

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I'm not going crazy and that I'm not alone in the things that I've been dealing with.

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I feel like for me, I experienced a lot of heartbreak from men in my past relationships. I started speaking to men probably around high school. Because like I said, high school was when I really began to feel that fatherless void inside of me. And even now, as you speak and tell your story, I'm realizing a lot of the heartbreak that I experienced, God allowed it.

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He allowed it because it would allow me to experience his love and to understand that those voids cannot be filled by sex. It cannot be filled by the fake affection from men, temporary love from men.

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yeah so for me it was like I would go through high school and college and just craving love and attention and at the time it was like I wasn't even realizing that the void was coming from the fact that my physical father wasn't here you know I would feel validated because of men giving me compliments or just feeling like if a man doesn't love me I'm not enough yeah that was literally my mindset I never had um

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anyone call me baby girl like i never had my father baby girl me or love me as a little girl and stuff and um so it made me begin to crave those things from boyfriends and just talking stages situations situationships and then um

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yeah when i gave my life to christ that's when god began to reveal this thing to me and show me like these voids is coming from the fact that you know your father passed away and i begin to face that thing and by the grace of god this is what i always say like god truly like he he truly truly restores um restoration and he will give you better um i ended up like receiving father figures in my life whether that be my mentor whether that be my you know my apostle and

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It's the heart posture that you carry to be able to receive God as the father. It's not about, like you said, daddy this, daddy that. The actions. It's more so the heart posture. This is my father. I need to run to him. That's the mindset that we should be carrying.

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I always say iron truly sharpens iron. But in order for you to have a friend who is iron, you need to be iron yourself. And I felt like even before I met you, I went through a season. Like I said, I was completely lonely. I went through this season of having absolutely no friends. God stripped me. All my worldly friends were completely gone. I had no worldly friends.

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bloats me and it really it doesn't make me feel well so ever since i've cut out gluten and dairy i've been thriving health-wise but today at communion at church guys when they have gluten-free communion that's amazing i'm minding my business listening to the sermon and i just hear a lady come over to speak to emmy and she's like we have gluten-free and i hear gluten-free i'm like is she about to give her food and i see it's a communion cup and

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And then I'm like, this is disrespectful. Like, are you kidding me? Like, you think the bread of Jesus is a gluten?

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like they realize can't have a gluten or they'll be allergic i'm not allergic i'm just i'm just you're very dedicated that's what dedicated and determined that's one thing dedicated determined and disciplined yeah discipline discipline that's one thing that you definitely carry that i need to rub off on i feel like you've been saying that all week yes being around i feel like you know when i'm here i don't take this visit as just only a vacation but for me to receive you know like when you're around your friends your godly friends and you're my best friend so you

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It's like, okay, like, what is it that I know that I'm here for a purpose? I know it's one to celebrate, but there's also something, there's revelations that God want me to catch. And just being around you, like I said, like, you know, opposites attract, right? Even though we have a lot that is similar, there's a lot of things that I'm weak at that you're strong at. You're strong.

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And that's why we're saying iron is iron, right? And one thing is the level of discipline that you walk with. Like, it's amazing. Yeah. That's something that I lack in. And I'm like, God, I got to take this back to New York. I need this. I need this. That's literally been my prayer since I've been here.

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And then I came into Christ and I felt like I was building friendships. But like I said, I didn't have anyone who understood me. But in that time, God was pruning me. So like there was things about me that God was like taking on me, which was like bad character, nasty attitude, not being patient, all these things. And God was creating me, making me that iron to be your iron.

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guys that's actually crazy and you know something like god provides because i have not paid for a flight yet it's so off topic but um god has been providing because you opened the door like for me to honestly begin to fly guys to be honest with you 2025 2024 was the first time i got on a plane and it was because of emmy's proposal right emmy's proposal like the first time i got on a flight and it was smooth it was beautiful god provided for that and yeah it was

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And you were by yourself, too. Yes. Because for a long time, you said you would never fly by yourself. I would never. And I had to. I literally made the decision in a week. Your proposal was a whole plan in itself. But I made the decision literally in a week. I'm like, no, I must be there. And even that trip in itself, I was just receiving.

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Every time I'm with you, God wants me to receive something. Yeah, same. It's just not a trip of just relaxing and vacation. But it's like, what is it that I can get here, get out of this trip? And it's a lot. Yeah. This time is discipline.

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I'm like, oh, hey, I forgot you live here.

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No, I was able to wake up in your house and blasting in tongues and crying out to God was laid out. I'm just like, you know, my tears are stained on this floor.

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That would be so tough. No, we have to. Oh, my gosh. Talking about the bridal squad. Alana gave her life to Christ. Yeah, no, that was amazing. This entire week was a blessing. The Lord was just moving. No moving. Yeah, man.

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every day i was at a summer vacation but every day i woke up in a new i'm like what's on what's on the thing today what's on what's on the map today yeah because i had a whole itinerary of like i mean for those who are watching i'll even just pull it up while we're talking right now

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And I was like, bro, I'm good. Yeah. No, literally that whole worship session was, it was so beautiful. Um, like I, I explained to you before, I felt like I was lacking a lot in my intimacy with God. And like I said, like even in the beginning of this year, coming towards the end of last year, God was wanting me to experience him more as a father and, um,

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being in that intimate setting really allowed me to just go on in into like that quiet like even though it was you guys were around probably like five of us right like like no like six in total um literally it felt like it was just me and god there alone i actually think having that amount of people was perfect because that kind of just like constructs like a family like it's gone like here's all my girls literally

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round of applause for moye and just coming on the pod and she flies home to new york tomorrow morning and then i'm gonna miss it i'm gonna miss this place you'll be back soon though oh real soon i'm trying to get her to come back to new york right yeah we're gonna see because i get buried in three months so countdown yeah countdown yeah

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Heavenly Father, in the mighty name of Jesus. Father, in the mighty name of Jesus. I just want to thank you, O God, for allowing me to be on this platform today, O God. Father God, I just want to thank you for Save Not Soft. We know that this is touching millions and millions of souls, O God.

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I just want to thank you for using Emmy, using her for all these women in the world, all these men in the world, O God. We just want to thank you for the topics that we touched on today, O God. Anyone who is dealing with a fatherless void, anyone who is dealing with... Even just being alone, the transition of coming to Christ. Father God, I just pray that you just give them peace.

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Peace that surpasses their understanding, oh God. Lord, I just pray that you let them know that they're not alone. May you even send them a friend like you sent Emmy to me, oh God. May you send them someone to let them know that they are not crazy, that they are not alone. May they feel the comfort of the Lord, comfort of Jesus in their lives right now.

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In the mighty name of Jesus, oh God, once again, I just thank you for what you have done and what you're about to do on this platform. May you continue to use Emmy and continue to build her up for where you are taking her, oh God. In Jesus' mighty name, I pray.

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And when you find someone who can be 100 percent transparent with you, it makes you want to open up more. So like that gentleness is allowing yourself to be transparent in your testimony and say, like, I've been there before. I've done that before. And I can say, honestly, doing that has even allowed me to bring more people into Christ.

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Yeah, I've seen people who walk away and they are straight or they're too. They feel like they're not ready yet because of that, because of people not being gentle, people not being transparent. But the more you're transparent, the more souls you can bring into Christ. Amen. Yeah.

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for a long for a very long time yeah maybe possibly since the first time we met yeah like even seeing you do this podcast and everything like this was this been in the works it's been talked about so to be on here is literally this is glory this is a pleasure yeah and i'm so appreciative no thank god

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It was his love. Love, yeah. And I even have, like you mentioned, I love that you mentioned that I prayed. I even kind of forgot that I prayed on the phone because I even prayed before I told you. So like throughout that whole week, it was a burden that God was placing on my heart.

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And you got to be careful, you know, how you speak to your friends or your brothers and sisters in Christ and like, you know, judge them with gentleness and with love. But yeah, I pray to God for that entire week. Like, God, how am I going to say this to Emmy? How am I going to say this to Emmy?

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Because I know modesty is that topic when it comes to us women and being transparent with each other about how we look and representing Christ as woman of God. And it's not an easy thing. It was not an easy thing, especially like the transition of leaving the world and trying to find out what's okay. Because the issue is a lot of people also press their convictions onto you.

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A lot of people press their modesty convictions onto you. So just because you wear a dress down to your ankles and God told you to do that doesn't mean that I have to do that. And a lot of people, when it comes to modesty, you're worried about your outer appearance, like the Bible says, right? But you're not worried about the heart.

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And I feel like when it came to me being modest, God corrected my heart before he corrected my outer appearance.

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One thing that I always say is, like, if it hasn't been tested in your life, it's not yours. And one thing I can say is that this friendship has been tested. That was the first test of our friendship. It was our first small little argument. Like... We were mad at each other. That was so rare. Like that never happened. But I believe that was the test of our friendship.

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So long story short, you want to tell me what I'm going to tell you? Well, my thing is, is that I don't even remember being that mad.

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And the crazy part is I didn't even know what Oakland was. The only thing I saw was Future. So I didn't even know about the Oakland part.

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Oh, they'll get so mad at me for saying this. Well, the Bronx. Okay. What's the one right under that? Um...

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And I feel like one thing that I realized is that, like, when you're not supposed to do something or when you're tempted to do something, God always makes a way out. Yeah. And her way out was the fact that she had no one to go with. Yeah. She was posting, anyone want to come with me to this future concert? And I went by myself. I did go by myself.

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I'm like, God is literally telling this girl that she should not go because she has no one to go with. And the girl still got up and went. Yeah.