Amy Griffin
speaker
222 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Mar 2025
last heard Mar 2025
Amy Griffin’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
This was where I got to be giving. Tootin' Totem. The Tootin' Totem food store. Because you honk your horn and toot, and then they tote it out. That's right.
That's right. Yeah. And, you know, that was where, in the beginning of my life, I got to be giving. I got to be loving. I got to bring my friends and say, everybody gets to get a Coke and one candy bar, and that's it.
And then I went in and the memories of childhood that I talk about in part of the book that are very difficult, that are childhood memories about deep childhood trauma that I've had to trust in myself to accept and to write about those two along with the memories that were so beautiful.
And then I went about this crazy criminal investigation, which you can read about, which talks about the secrets.
Yes. Well, the secret that I discovered was the idea that I had been for many years abused in a school bathroom by a teacher. I decided that, you know, if I went in and I criminally investigated this person and I did everything I could to hold this person accountable, that if I could do that, that I would show that I was right and he was wrong.
The pursuit was something that I thought that I needed because for many reasons. One, I knew I had to hold this person accountable so that he couldn't hurt anyone else. But also, I thought the criminal investigation and this pursuit of that would make me whole. It would take everything away from me, and it would prove, like I'd done in so many other areas of my life, to say, I got this person.
Look, I have validation right here that this person has been put away because of my efforts. And, you know, at the same time that I'm pursuing this criminal investigation and the ups and downs of all of it that I'm writing about, I realized I'm also really looking inside myself. And I'm investigating what I need from this. But I was running a parallel track at the same time, trying to do both.
Well, I look at that conversation with the physical therapist, and I think about the idea that she was talking about, just asking, why do you push yourself so hard? Why now? Why this? Why that? Why can't you slow down? And I look back at it now, and I realize... I was finally able to hear her, for her to say that to me, that your body is breaking down. I've had hip surgeries, back surgeries.
I mean, every possible injury you could imagine. And it was this idea that I then turned to myself in hearing her to say, Why am I not listening to the physical cues that my body is trying to tell me something?
Can you describe what was happening? Well, I was never a sit-by-the-pool girl. I was never a, let's just sit by the pool and hang out. And I've tried to be that, but I just have never been that sit-by-the-pool girl. But I think I realized and I started to see these little glimmers of the idea that I had and realizations that I had built up castles around me. I'd built up these castles in my life.
with this moat and this drawbridge. And there were a lot of alligators in that moat. And I was building and building and building. And it was much easier to always say, look at that person over there. But I think that I started to realize you've been running really hard, really fast for a long time, and you're missing something.
you know, they say your children are your greatest teachers. Yes. And in this case, and always in the case of my girls, and they're watching going, yeah, I know. But I have to say that that night I went into Gigi's room and both the girls called me in. And I went in with Gigi and Gracie said, no, Gigi really needs, she needs to tell you something.
And Gigi looked at me at 11 years old and she said, mom, you're there. You're not really there. Where are you? And I turned into the child and I stormed out of the room. I slammed the door. And John said, what happened in there? And I said, well, I do everything for her. I do everything. I do all the planning. I do all the packing. I have, her life is perfect because of me.
Mom, you're nice, but you're not real.
But that's not honest. And that was the catalyst. If your children can't be a mirror to you, then who can? And that was a moment.
I could never have taken it out. But as a mother... Do you also know how hard it was to say it?
I mean, the parent-child role had been reversed in that moment. Yeah. And I actually had to stop and listen and say, you know, I have to go figure this out. I have to understand why she's telling me this. And it could have been the other way around where the door could have stayed slammed and I could have said, no, you're going to just obey me and do what I say. Yeah. But I didn't. I didn't.
I leaned in to recognize there was something within myself. I mean.
Well, for me, I had a little bit of distance from it because everyone in my life knows that I really, you know, for this need for control and perfection, I don't like alcohol and I don't like, I'd never seen illicit drugs. And this is something that I stay away from. I like to stay in control at all times.
And so the idea that, you know, psychedelic assisted therapy, I had read so much about it for veterans and how veterans had used this I actually also didn't realize that PTSD could refer to anyone other than someone who'd been in combat. And I think that was maybe me disassociating in a way from that because I just couldn't understand that.
Showing 121–140 of 222 · page 7 of 12
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