Amy Muise

Yeah, I think some of the things that I'm describing here, just like what you're doing, if it sort of sounds like you or thinking about in that moment what your emotional needs might be, you could try to tailor your activities and the activities with your partner to those kinds of experiences.

So importantly, we had both partners.

We did a study.

There's about 390 couples across these three studies that we ran, and we had both partners.

So we could also see what it was like.

So when you're doing something that meets your avoidant attachment style, what's it like for your partner?

Well, the good news is that they also felt more satisfied and same with the reverse, right?

So even though it's not necessarily matching your attachment style, when you're doing an activity that matches your partners, there's still benefits for both people.

So it seems like there's benefits for the couple as a whole.

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

And just this idea that you could maybe vary this, right?

To meet both of your needs over time.

Yeah, that's a really good question.

So what we typically see is that for people who have these more insecure attachments, they tend to be less satisfied than people who we think of as secure, right?

Who are kind of low in both of these things that I'm talking about.

And essentially on the days where they did the activities that best matched their attachment style, their satisfaction was similar to those who were securely attached in most cases.

So these are like day to day effects.

So these aren't huge boosts.

You know, we're just talking about like little kind of little increases in daily life.

But it's sort of bringing you up to the level of what a secure person is feeling when you're matching to your attachment style.