Amy Schumer
speaker
178 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Amy Schumer’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Um, I left the... I left not the second I could. I left earlier than I should have been allowed. But, I mean, it's exciting, you know? It's like, um, I got to meet Beyonce.
And she was like, is this your first night? And I was like, it's my last. And she was like, uh-huh. I mean, I think I should be like grateful I was invited or something. But yeah, I was just like, it felt like a punishment. Like, I just, I cannot, it's not me. And I don't like it. We're dressed up like a bunch of fucking assholes. And we're like, hi, yes. And I have no interest in fashion.
Well just so you know both Megan Thee Stallion and Britney Spears has one of those shady DMs for me sitting in their inbox so I know the feeling and never has it been read never have they been read but I you know. I was so happy to see that. What is your angle with Megan Thee Stallion? What are you trying to get in there for?
i don't remember no that's the thing you send them you know you're like you know you feel connected to someone and actually i have met her i i'd met her at uh like i think an oscar thing okay and um when we both won oscars i don't know if you in your research came up but i won an oscar and so did megan maybe um and uh so i think i just wanted to be like
should we have a friendship you know and she you know in return has you know not followed me so I respect I think she's smart I think that's a smart move I'm obsessed and then we'll leave the Britney one to the imagination no Britney has it but she mentioned me in her book and god damn that felt amazing street cred street cred
Oh, my God. That's so nice.
But if I were to have one note, this mic is real heavy. God, do you do you ever think like, no, I don't care. Look, I'm a stand up like I hold a mic. Just roast me. This is like an actual way. Like, I mean, I want to support the brand. Obviously, I'm honored to be on this show. You're a, you know, a Salton. But this is a heavy microphone. You're exhausted.
No, I'm really tearing. It might be because the mic is so heavy, but I really, it's not that. That's a dream for someone to say that to me and for you to say that to me.
no i know it's like it's hard to give a compliment and it's hard to take a compliment but i'm taking it right right in right now this is close to the britney mentioning me in the book and i'm not i'm not fucking with you i am honored thank you for saying that of course no so i'm a huge fan so thank you for being here no it's good quite a while it's good it's good um okay i'm gonna ask you a bunch of just random questions to get us started are you ready okay okay okay i'm ready okay ready okay i'm ready whatever comes to your mind you're just gonna answer it ready okay
Yeah.
The Birds, Alfred Hitchcock. Oh. I know. So hack, right? But I mean, you know, everybody's a couple of comfort movies, but for some reason that movie gets you. Gets me. Gets you in your feet. And I know this is going to be like over when this comes out, but like, I'm so crazy about Wicked right now. Did you see it?
This was, what year was this?
But obviously, Kind of pregnant is like the movie everyone's talking about, but... Yeah, it's the year. I just needed to get it off my chest.
What? Right? I mean, that's crazy. That would definitely top the chart. Yeah. I mean, okay. You know what? I'm just going to get right into this here. Okay. Okay? And I've never said this anywhere.
But when I was sort of at my... kind of peak, like, touring arenas, whatever. And I'll say it, because this is where you say it. Were they a professional athlete? Sure. Did I text them, like, late at night and they came over, went down on me, and then I said, I'm so tired, I'm so sorry, and they left? Yes. And you know who you are. Not the look into the camera.
And that's happened a couple of times and I'm not proud of it. And I think like, you know, and the ambulance is good for this moment because this is like when I actually get actually canceled. No, but it's all about, you know, you want to be a giving lover and whatever, whatever. But at this moment, it was like, you know, some people like will blow a guy and that's the end of the night.
So I kind of, you know, did it my way to quote Frank Sinatra.
And we didn't have sex. Oh, right. Babe, he went down on me. And then I yawned and was like, it's been a, I mean, that's a moment in train wreck.
You're welcome. And like, that's not, you know, the most popular move that gets the best response. But that's the truth. I kind of feel like that would keep them wanting way more.
i that i that's happened probably three times in my in my life when i was in my hay yeah okay and uh and what you know one of them was furious i remember and um and one of them was like totally fine with it and you know what the baseball player was pretty cool about it
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