Amy Schumer
speaker
178 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard May 2025
Amy Schumer’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
No, I think it's like I just made you come and now you're kicking me out. And I'm like, oh, my God, what does it feel like to be a woman? You know?
hmm okay okay um i'm gonna say either christian bale or beyonce the range yeah but i don't think i would get a hall pass i would give a hall pass you wouldn't get but i wouldn't get one no but it's good to like think about it like it's i think it's even better when it's like a dream and like i don't know if you'd actually even want to do it yeah it's kind of like don't be your heroes
How many can I have? You can have as many as you want. Okay. Method man. Can I get my phone out? No. Yeah. Yes. Yes. And he knows. And he knows. And he's his beautiful wife and whatever. And he's like, so doesn't.
Yeah. But why? Did he say something to you? No. Well.
What is your most embarrassing interaction in Hollywood? Oh, my God, so many, so many, so many, so many. Okay, this is a long time ago, but I was at an Equinox Flex. Get it. And Alec Baldwin was there. This is 25 years ago, okay? And he was getting water, and I was behind him at the water fountain, and I quoted Glengarry Glen Ross, and I said, "'Water is for closers.'"
And I should have killed myself instantly. I don't remember. Like I blacked out because it was so stupid. I don't know if he acknowledged me, but I am sorry.
Yes. He's been nothing but really nice to me. Did he remember that moment or no? I don't think so. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I don't know. I don't know. I can't remember anything. Like, do you do drugs?
Okay, right. Good. No, no, I've never done cocaine. I've never done ecstasy. You've never done cocaine? Never cocaine, never ecstasy. Mushrooms and weed, you know.
No, that's good because like it has. I'm like, I won't remember what we talked about today.
No, I am no longer with us. But at least you're still funny.
Oh, God. So many. Like, you know, there's so much out there about me. Oh, well, this is fun. At my wedding, People magazine reported some celebrities who were there. And they said that Jennifer Aniston was there. And she was not there. But my mom, who is 75, said, I think what happened was from behind... I look exactly like Jennifer Aniston.
And I'm like, you just had knee surgery and you're in your mid-70s, you know. But I just said, oh, okay. Oh, mom. So that was, yeah. That tells me a lot about your mom. That does tell you a lot about my mom.
OK, this is this is really controversial. Oh, why are you looking away from me? Because I'm already regretting saying it. And it's not really even a thing. OK, it's not even a pet peeve. My pet peeve is men. But also... But also... And I already said men, right? Yeah, you said men. Okay, I said men. My other... This is kind of like a fun little not really... Okay.
Okay, I have a couple now that I'm going. Pickleball annoys me. Sorry. Have you ever played? No. Me either. I'm just hating from a distance.
So loud. And if you can vape while you're playing the sport, is it a sport? And... I don't like how a lot of people, and I don't know if you do this, so I'm so sorry.
Okay. The way that I think especially people, I don't know, both coasts. Say it. Have turned the word and into like a 10 syllable word, like and, and I'm like, okay. What?
Right, right, right. But... And... It starts E. They go, and... Who the fuck are you hanging out with? No, you're going to notice it now. You're going to notice it now. I don't think I've ever noticed that. You're going to listen back to the...
That doesn't mean. Right. Just play tennis. Everyone's just so smug and they've got their racket and they're like and they look so happy. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's just the joy that they're feeling.
And I'll never feel that joy. So, I mean, I guess that's what it's really about.
OK, great. No, but I like tear a meniscus or something. And I like I just like when people are like you just hear these people like I got a pickleball injury and you're like, That's it. Loser. Absolutely. Get on a boat and leave. And guess who plays pickleball?
Showing 21–40 of 178 · page 2 of 9
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