Andrew Dice Clay

Last year in New Year's, I got jumped in Austin on 6th Street.

I don't know if it's the way I dress or the way I walk, but homeless people keep targeting me.

Yesterday on 6th Street, a guy sitting on a pizza box yells at me, hey, you look like you need to be fucked in the ass.

What the fuck?

Yeah, fuck that bitch.

Fuck that bitch.

Oh shit.

She came into my meet and greet line demanding a picture because she paid for me.

Kept grabbing at me too.

So I acted retarded again and I bit her.

Hell yeah.

Good luck getting that nose fixed.

I bite with the strength of 47 chromosomes.

And yet I find, yet I find, there's no one left to call.

Alexander wept for there were no more riffs left to conquer.

It's funny you bring that up, because seven years ago tonight, my teacher, Miss Garlic, Carly Garlic, she, heir to the garlic fortune, she, old garlic money, you guys would have loved her, but

And I said, speaking?

And she said five words that changed my life.

I think she was startled because a relapse is predicated upon an initial addiction.

But she's a sheep.