Andrew Kuo
Appearances
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Alright, so we're going to do the take and then we're just going to keep talking. Okay, good. Alright. So what's your take? Wait, give me again. Okay. I saw this flash. This is going in the episode.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I mean, I started selling used cars. That was one of my biggest hustles. You sold used cars? Yeah, dude. You flipped them. Yeah. eBay or in person or what? In person. So what I would do to pay for college, one of the many hustles is I would just buy a car on Craigslist, like let's say a 1997 Cadillac Seville, which was like three grand. I'd buy it.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
And the next, I wouldn't even transfer the title. Next day, I would just relist it on Craigslist for like $4,000. And I would sell it. I had no modifications, no title transfer. I'd skip the, there's a word for it when you skip the title transfer. And I would just make $1,000. And back then, I mean, $1,000, that was paying for a lot of ramen noodles. Dude, right now $1,000 is killer, bro.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
thousand bucks is not worth much anymore i don't know bro in a tariff world i'll take a thousand i mean i'll take it everybody that's my new take everyone on earth could use a thousand bucks that's a good take and it's true but a thousand bucks in new york is one matcha latte and like a gourmet hot dog those sound like needs No, those are wants.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
That everybody... How do you decide... Actually, that's a good question. How do you decide what to pursue between your wants and your needs? I'm here on Earth. Constantly trying to avoid earthly desires. Yeah. You seem like the type of guy who has a good head on his shoulders.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Yeah, that's why you buy the Range Rover instead of the Toyota Camry. No, because selfishly, the Range Rover, you're like, look, I'll look cool, I'll be swaggy, but I can also fit seven. Whereas if I get the Toyota Camry, I can only fit...
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I've seen your clothing. I know what's going on. Yeah, but this helps a lot of people. It helps the garment workers. See? I have to buy it. Yep, here we go. It helps. Don't even get me on fashion. Arabs in general because they're like, he's stylish and cool and maybe I can be stylish and cool as well.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I'm trying to get everyone off the mud. I want to be a good role model. That is actually something I really think about all the time. You know, I try to make content That is positive, not uplifting.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I just don't want to put out negative vibes into the universe. Same, dude. So, like, everything I do, I run it through that filter of, like... It's almost like that great rule, which I'm sure you have as well, but, like, not doing any advertising that promotes tobacco, alcohol, or gambling. Sure. I don't do that. And one time I tried... To justify it to my mom? Yeah.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
So Bush is infected with what, like Conqueror Syndrome?
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I was like, what if I'm in an ad for a tequila company, but I'm not drinking? Yeah. And I'm also saying, I'm not telling people to drink, but I'm standing next to it. And she's like, who's paying? I'm like, the tequila company. She's like, you can't do it. And I go, all right, I get it. You know, trying to justify it. Right. But that's putting some negativity into the world.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Damn. Man's got me all the way back in. Is this us?
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
All right. So here they have the most delicious Semek Meshwe I've ever had in New York. I can't wait. Oh, my God. It truly tastes like it came out of the Nile. I haven't eaten all day. Out of the Mediterranean. Me neither. I haven't eaten all day. I'm very excited. We're going to Hamido's. You like that one? Very good. The lips are so nice and thick. Cheers. We're here, bro.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
wow that's the meshway baby that tastes like this is something else thank you so much thank you here i'll serve you you're gonna serve me i'll serve you yeah basha i'll serve you that's your dog's name famously famously do you have any nicknames growing up rami salami oh that's a white nickname though that was a white nickname yeah do you have any like ones that weren't making fun of you i ought to be nicknamed
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Misho. Misho, that's nice. Did you have one? Kimo. Yeah, Kimo. But the problem is, I would still go by Kimo, but... Yeah, it's not ideal. It's not ideal at all. Yeah. You know when my dad moved to this country? He spelled my name on the passport, or on my birth certificate. K-R-E-M.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Yeah. Wow. And I would go, and I asked my dad, why did you do this? Yeah. He was like, it's easier to spell. I said, bro, it's literally... He's right. It's crap. But it is easier to spell? It is easier to spell because there are two fucking letters missing that are necessary for the name to be Kareem. And so I got it legally changed. And you changed the last name, too? I changed the last name.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
That's an interesting story. When my dad moved to the States, his last name was Abu Rahma. Yeah. Yeah. It was like Sayyid Ahmed Abu Rahma. So he removed Abu Rahma and just went with Ahmed. So I was Kareem Ahmed. You were Kareem Ahmed. I was Kareem Ahmed. And I never really liked it because what really bothered me is it was two first names. Oh shit, you have two first names. I do.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Yeah, yeah, it's a really bad disease. There's no vaccine. Who else is bad? Who else is bad? I'll say it. Bibi. Yeah, Netanyahu? Yeah.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I hate two first names. My uncle is Yusuf Yusuf. Two first names. I don't like two first names. And I'm sorry that I insulted your name. You first name shamed me, yeah, but... Maybe it was a beef problem. Yeah, you're gonna have beef with a lot of people, man. How often do you go to Egypt? Every year.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
That's a painful memory. Because my dad would always get so mad that he had to buy the phone card because it was like $40 for 10 minutes. That's expensive, bro. $3 a minute? Yeah. And then you barely know Arabic? Crazy. You know? Crazy. Say hi to your grandma. Hi. Oh, wow, your loser son doesn't speak Arabic anymore? And then it's quiet.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
John C. Reilly. I love that. He hit me with the Inshallah. That's, yeah. It was cool.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
It'll just be like everyone's Muslim. Well, Stepbrothers is an allegory about two young guys who are lost. And then they find Islam. And then they convert. And that's all of John T. Reilly just saying inshallah to you.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Because, yeah, man. I thought it was just my mom, but the conversion lore that happens in Muslim families is the same. I got one the other day that said that Trump's daughter, it didn't say which one, but it said Trump's daughter does the Shahada conversion. My mom sent it to me. And I literally, I'm like, mom. Tiffany. That's why I didn't talk to her. That's why I didn't talk to her.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I go, you don't actually believe this, do you? And she goes, it's on the news. I go, this is www.islamnews4real. Okay, because CNN has more logical headlines. I tried to explain to her that I could set up that website and start making my own fake news. And she was like, oh, really? Set one up for me. She wanted me to send a brush. She wants to do fake news? Yeah, for her. For her.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
So she wants to spread the... What she knows. Yeah, which is a lot of... Mamaganda? Mamaganda.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
No, you know what? They're pretty crispy on the outside, and then they're a little soft on the inside. It's nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I've thought about this a lot I'm like really glad that I'm Egyptian and not you know no shade on the other no shade on the other ones but Egypt has a pretty good reputation all things considered the pyramids are still working for us well they've been coasting on the pyramids for a long time forever there's nothing new they're dropping a new pyramid they just did they dropped a little one they made a new little pyramid?
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I think that BB might be infected by a djinn. That might be it. He has a dark spirit.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
yeah well they didn't drop it they dug it up really? no they always drop new ones almost every three years or so they go oh we found another one Oh, we found another guy wrapped up. I'm kind of sick of mummies. All right, so I want to do takes on takes. So I need your take on the takes that have been on the show. And you have to play me, which is 100% agree, 100% disagree.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
You see how difficult my job is. It's a very difficult job.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Yes, this whole country is built on 100% agree, 100% disagree. You can't be like a kind of agree guy here, which is why I made the show like that. We're going to start off with something problematic. Yeah. Gay men dress worse than straight men.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
But bad theater, you're like, okay, I'm a hostage. I agree with you on that take. There's two types of people in this world. People with cases on their phones and people who go raw dog taste buds. Gang shit. Tears. 100% agree. That's so sick.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I actually haven't thought about this much, but I think this might be a problem. You know how in the coal mines you get the black lung? I spend a lot of time underground. I might get the black lung. You might get the F-train lung because you've been on it. Wait, this is so bad. I never thought about how being underground could be affecting my health. All right, let me give you another one.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Therapists should not be hot. 100% agree. 100% agree. Yeah, it should be about the work.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Yeah. And that's the problem with a hot therapist is you want them to like you no matter what. Even an ugly therapist, you want them to like you.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I know, but that's, you know, I ask God every day to forgive me for having a hot wife. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
So you feel bad for him, that he's essentially an American human refugee on Earth.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
That's that's that's the how many layers of heaven are there? How many levels? I think there's seven. Okay, that's the highest level of heaven. You know how I don't know how many levels there are? Yeah. Because my mom's always like, if you want to make it to the top one, you have to do these things. I go, I'm good with the bottom.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I can think of countless examples of bad people. I'm not even going to rattle them off.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
No, they're like, you can get whatever you want in heaven. I'm like, great. I just need level one. I don't need plus. I don't need premium. I don't need the highest level tier. I'm good with Hulu with ads. It's fine. I'll take heaven with ads. It's fine with me.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
No, I agree. That feeling. Here's the thing. It's kind of like, I don't want to keep bringing this back to Islam, but it's kind of like Ramadan.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
And when you pee, it's the iftar. Oh, my God. Yeah. You know, like you're fasting all day by not peeing. By not peeing.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
You get to pee and you're like, oh, my God. And then at the end of the day, you go, oh, God, that feels so good to pee.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
It changed it so quickly. How quickly did it change your gut from ingesting to operation change my pants? It's a five-hour situation. Five-hour situation.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
do this and you're going to feel so good at night well that's one of the only times I ever feel like sometimes I forget that I'm a soul in a body sometimes I realize after I take that leak that's when I realize I have a body and it feels good to have a body I don't take it for granted anymore you ever have that moment where you wake up and you go oh look these are my hands and that's what happens after that long day of holding it in I go
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
you got a new show coming out. First ever animated. First ever Rami Youssef animated. Tell me about how difficult that was. I can only imagine that this human being, it's a lot easier to control this body than it is to control a bunch of other bodies.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Did you get to stand in the booth? I love watching those videos of people doing voice.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I was about to say, that's literally, I see myself every day, the baby gets older, I see myself turning more and more into a dad. I'm a stereotypical dad where I'm... I don't have manic energy, man. I'm a really relaxed... No, you're chill. I'm the chillest guy, but now I find myself being like, is that a choking hazard?
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Where all of a sudden your brow is furrowed and you're like, who left the lights on? Dude, every... I think that's about being a dad, right? I've never in my life... I've been poor so many times. Always left the lights on. I've never in my life complained about how expensive things are. And now I'm like... I was talking to my wife. I'm like...
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
why is the sea bass so expensive yeah she's like because because sufi needs to eat sea bass no and i go we don't eat sea bass no you and me why are we eating salmon but the baby's eating sea bass and then she's getting way goo yeah yeah no i think you become a father you prioritize tilapia and you're just like this is what it's we're a tilapia and shrimp family
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
And kind of just, you know, key food salmon family. I don't know what happened to me because I used to be cool and now I'm my own father. Yeah, all of a sudden sushi's a ripoff. It's an awful deal. You're like, I'm paying $40 for all these tiny pieces. Dude, dads are so funny like that. Dads go to wholesalers. When I was young, my dad would take us out to All You Can Eat Chinese. Uh-huh.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
But he had stipulations. When we went to All You Can Eat Chinese, we were only allowed to eat crab legs and shrimp. But if I came back with a plate of spaghetti, well, not at the Chinese place, but if I came back with a plate of orange chicken, he would make me bring it back. Because he was like, I'm paying $20 for All You Can Eat. You better be eating good.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
He's like, we have orange chicken at home. Wow. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Oh, my God. Imagine an all-you-can-eat buffet in Egypt. Have you ever thought about that? No. Dude, people would not leave. I don't know if they'd like it, honestly. I think they would love it. Are you kidding me? You think? Yes. But the problem is they wouldn't leave.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
to go bags not even boxes like a literal duffel no they would have a duffel bag of beans when they go to the airport you know an Egyptian family in the airport has 85 bags for three people they're just leaving the buffet just rollers a roller case with we would bring we would bring so much food from Egypt in the suitcase to back to the back to the states yeah all the time like what
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
I don't think you can bring them now anymore. Like, I tried to bring some sunflower seeds, some lib.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
No, no, they'd say we have to confiscate these.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
You don't know what's going on with that. They're eating beans. The show, though, is really, really funny. I saw the first couple of episodes.
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Let's say I didn't give notes, but what I did do was say, I like it. You said, what do you think? I said, it's good. No, no, there was one time. You were that reserved about it. You sent me a cut and you said, should we put this music in the beginning?
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
Yeah, it's so damn funny. Did you sing the songs?
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
That's who I get. Bob Dylan. No. You don't get Bob Dylan? You get a little bit of a Bob Dylan. Well, we both have, like, Dylan-esque froze, but...
SubwayTakes
How Ramy Youssef Became Kebob Dylan | Uncut
after 9-11 happened did your dad put up a bunch of American flags yeah the whole block did but I think we had one or two more just to be like hey you know for good measure we got a huge one huge one like really large you know the ones that you see in like a used car dealership yeah yeah yeah that was in our yard all of a sudden and I didn't get it like I was like dad what the hell is that when did you guys start selling used cars
SubwayTakes
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Oh, got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look, now I'm doing it too. That's great. And by the way, I love that you're giving me credit for getting things done. We have to agree that I did not get a guest for this episode.
SubwayTakes
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That did not happen.
SubwayTakes
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Well, look, it's not really me. I think we've decided that it's someone else.
SubwayTakes
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That's true. That's true. What I'm going to blame it on is that it was a holiday weekend. People were not responsive. And so now it's just a boys episode.
SubwayTakes
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Where are they going to comment that? Where do the comments go?
SubwayTakes
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Oh, okay. That's nice.
SubwayTakes
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Okay. All right. Are we ready for this feedback?
SubwayTakes
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Oh, yes. So people can call in.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, sorry.
SubwayTakes
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You just Googled it and they're like, oh, you can get one?
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, I mean, I can give you the number. I mean, what's the number?
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, do you have the number? Oh, wait. Are you saying that you don't have the number?
SubwayTakes
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I don't think that's a thing. This is so confusing. Look, Google's a mess.
SubwayTakes
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By the way, someone hit us up with a Google bag. By the way, what do you want people to do with this phone number? What would they say if they left us a message?
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Is it a good number?
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What do you mean?
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, but is it a good number? No, it's not.
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I would rather have no number than a New Jersey number, honestly.
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I don't give a shit. No, it's not.
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Can we actually talk about Garden State for a second if we have the time?
SubwayTakes
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great that's a good number actually is it a good number it is a good number it's like not like a weird mix of numbers it's a nice kind of um number that flows yeah it's nice yeah and i was i was there was a couple really good numbers last time when i was trying to get google voice but for some reason i was banned but now we have it this is big time this is huge this is big time what if we what if we don't get that many messages though that's fine okay we just have to keep plugging it on it on every show
SubwayTakes
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Because I just, because I was just talking, while I was just talking about this, like, that era of New York City, like, the shins and whatever, all this shit, like, is that a movie that you think is, like, iconically representative of, like, an era, like, girls type shit?
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Like, or is it just, like, oh, wow, like, it's actually a terrible movie that has no cultural significance, and I'm so glad we're past that phase. Mm.
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Like it brings a smile to your face? In what sense?
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He's in the doldrums. He is definitely in the doldrums. Hollywood hasn't worked out for him. He has to come back home.
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I think we're having a conversation about the decline of print media. We should have that conversation.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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Yeah. And I also remember you were playing a lot of hoops. I was hooping. Yeah, you really were hooping because I was talking about you were hooping.
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No, but you're also hooping in your bed. Did you have a hoop behind your house or something? You're shooting hoops with random kids. I remember you telling me that story too. You'd just be hooping.
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Oh, was it? Okay. I never moved to Minneapolis.
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Oh, so you're saying the all-drinking diet is what got you slim?
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, right. Just to make sure you're not eating anything else. Yeah.
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Oh, that's nice.
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Are you obsessively checking your weight or just like you do it once a week and you step on the scale?
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Every morning. Wow.
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Right, right. I mean, man, what was the catalyst for this? You just saw yourself in a picture being like, oh boy, I kind of have an interesting no-shape shape.
SubwayTakes
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Well, that's a perspective thing. The baby is small. You can hardly be blamed for looking gigantic next to it.
SubwayTakes
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No one can see the photo, Karim.
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Oh, yeah. You look husky, I would say, in that picture.
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Yeah, right, right. By the way, I will flag that we were actually in the print magazine on the Sunday. No, no, I heard.
SubwayTakes
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Okay, got it.
SubwayTakes
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But they're just like, oh, your fat mass is too high.
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They don't even give you a number. There's like, oh, sir.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, that's really fat. That's really high.
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Yeah, I think you have to be sub-10% to see abs, and mid-teens is probably pretty good.
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Oh, man. But is this the language they use? They say just like excellent or they say high?
SubwayTakes
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Why? Why would they send photos to you? Because I'm mentioned in the article. You are mentioned in the article. That's true. That is true. Yeah, I don't know. Like, I think... It was very funny for that to happen.
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my visceral fat high what is it with like what does that mean visceral fat like you're angry fat it's so visceral what does that mean no i think that's like in the belly that's like the oh yeah that doesn't sound very good how does it know all of this though i don't know i don't know yeah because i did the same thing at equinox and where you just stand on like basically like these magnets on a on a weight pad and i'm like this how are they getting so specific you know percentage points to like two decimals it doesn't seem like that makes sense
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Maybe. I mean, I'm sure we could look this up. I mean, it's definitely a smart scale.
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Did you just come up with that idea, concept yourself? Or had you read that somewhere? Because that's actually a really smart idea.
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It's like, it's just wading through an ocean of fat.
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Yeah, that's not called gluttonous. That's just called you're just a sedentary, unhealthy human. Phoning it in. Yeah, you're phoning it in. That's right.
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I think the thing that was most fun about it was getting some messages on LinkedIn from people that I haven't spoken to in a while wishing me a congratulations because they had seen it in the Times and I thought that was really nice. That is nice. You know, that was particularly nice. LinkedIn people. Yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, I'm so glad we're a first degree connection. Thanks for reaching out.
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Wow. You had the dry popcorn. Yeah. So dry.
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You would never want to get married in front of anything other than a custom piece of wood. What about the pyramids? Is that what you're doing? Are we going to the pyramids? That would be sick, first of all.
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Check back in in a year. Yeah, look, I guess that's a question of perception. There was a time when I was talking about everything and I kind of caught myself as like, ooh, there is a really bad, snarky, cringy version of what I'm saying. And I hope to fucking God she doesn't do that take.
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Did she? I should review this whole thing. That could be a whole episode, man. I should review this whole thing.
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Yeah, that was a cool vibe. I get that.
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They are very cool.
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Dude, they're so lit. I mean, again, all three are very creative. As you know, that was the theme of the article was that only creative people allowed. But yeah, man. Look, I aspire to be that age and still doing my thing. That's actually the biggest takeaway from those three guys.
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They've been in the game for decades and they literally, if you talk to them and hung out with them, you'd be like, oh shit, these guys are dope.
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What, with them or just generally speaking?
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Right, right. No, look, if we're not cool like 40 years from now, we've definitely fucked this up. And by that I mean all three of us, Dale included. We're going to be the other three wise men. That's the aspiration, man. I don't aspire for money. I aspire to always be cool when I'm older. Same. You don't want to be washed. No, that's the worst thing.
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And that's why, you know, you got to spend time with young people.
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Exactly. Punk, dude.
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Always punk.
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Is it punk? Fuck yeah. Nice, dude. If you actually knew what it was, you wouldn't say that, but I'm glad that you think it's punk.
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No, it's a hat from one of my favorite golf courses. So it's actually the anti-punk. No, that's sick.
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Golf is sick, dude.
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Just because he's doing business or him just... Shit, man. That's so tight.
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Yeah, the tea box.
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Look, we're very creative.
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Shout out Luigi. I didn't say that. I didn't say that either, man. That was Dale. No, dude. Golf is tight. I think it's tight just doing the stuff you're into. And right now I'm into golfing.
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Oh, dude. Let's ride, baby. Let's ride.
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Because my primary residence is in the city, obviously. That's according to the New York Times.
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Oh, that like a bump to you're like this is bizarre.
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um you're shook I'm literal speechless I don't know how to respond to that well because first of all it's like I don't know who this person is and I don't want I don't know if I've met this person um so I don't want to be derogatory toward towards that choice but it's a choice it's a derogatory choice it's a choice I mean it's a real choice are they are they are they from Denver
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Be honest. Are you actually friends with him? Or are you just trying to be nice because it's a recording? No, no. He's my good friend.
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Oh, got it. Whispering.
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Oh, midstream.
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And pulled ahead. So your friend John really wanted to go to Denver.
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Oh, Eric. Okay, got it.
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Yeah, yeah. Because you realized your whispering wasn't working, so you just came out. So I went to the town square. You went to the town square and started shouting from the rooftops.
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Yeah. Look, I think the Times is trying to capture the creative energy of the city and highlight people who are really creative, creative directors, creative designers. Creative producers. Creative producers. Look, I get it. I get it. But no, it was a really funny thing. I did buy the paper, by the way. Of course. Are you going to frame it? No, I'm not going to frame it.
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They're like, you're being too mean.
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And so now everyone thinks they have to accommodate Kareem. Well, here's what I did. Wow. Here's a nice special... Well, here's also what I think. So they think you're big-timing now. So the whole trip, they're going to be checking in with you. Kareem, are you okay? Are you okay with this trip? They're white, which means they're selfish. Right. That makes sense. I agree.
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Right. Okay.
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Yeah. Well, it sounds like your whispering failed.
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Yeah, which really makes me question how good of a convincer you are. It sounds like you're actually not that great at it.
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I'm pretty good. I have seen you pitch. That's why I'm shocked that it's gone. It's not even like you went to an okay destination. Denver is crazy. I would keep that to yourself.
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Okay, that's lit.
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you're not going to have a good time.
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Yes, that's true.
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Why not great friends? Why did you correct yourself? No, no.
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But it actually was kind of hard to find a paper upstate.
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Yeah, man. Question related to this. Etiquette. Is everyone chipping in to cover the costs of The Bachelor? Is The Bachelor shelling out any money on this trip? Or what's happening? Because I think that's what used to happen. I don't know if that's what happens anymore.
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So then he's not paying for everyone to fly to Italy then?
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Right. No, I like that. I like that gesture. That's what adults should do. I really do think adults should do that. They should be accommodating and hosting their friends.
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Of course. Those who can should.
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Yeah, it'll still be a good time. All right, so I guess I like Rick again.
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Yeah. Well, look, I think the reality is now you're gonna have a really good story. Because it's completely insane that this is where you're going for a bachelor party. I've just never heard it. It sounds like more like you're going to like a like a industry convention, you know, for like a SaaS company. It's like, why are you in Denver? It's like a bachelor party.
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What does that even mean?
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Yeah. And you're just like playing EDM and you guys are just like dancing with each other.
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Yeah. It's going to be fun.
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It'll be great. Wait, are you going to have a bachelor party? No. Maybe. Why'd you say no so definitively? What happened there?
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I'm also so certain that it's not, first of all.
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What? The one to Italy and then the one to Ireland and then the... And then Paris. Yeah, that is going to be a sick trip.
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It's going to be great content for the pod.
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Me? I got calls. I got baby shit to do. You have to prepare the tub? I got to prepare the tub. But I also got to set the vibe because it's like a home birth. Well, I asked you that question. I asked you that question. You did. Yeah, which is a good question, right? It was a great question. For the audience, the question was, what kind of music am I going to play during the event?
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and hadn't really thought about it. And by the way, I don't know if I'm allowed to disclose this, but you were playing Bob Marley, which I thought was a really... Of course you could disclose. I thought that was a very interesting choice because I've never known you to be a big Bob Marley fan. And I think I was going to ask you, it's like, yeah, you don't even smoke weed.
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Okay. Which is where Bob Marley is famously from.
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And then how long did you let that playlist play for? You let the algo take over? Or were you just like, we're going to play the hits, maybe one or two hits. I was DJing. Okay, nice.
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Yeah, they're like, oh, Kareem, do you want to cut the umbilical cord and do skin to skin? You're like, no, I'm DJing right now. I'm busy. I'll get back to you in 20 minutes.
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Oh, did it feel like cutting meat? Is that a weird question?
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Yeah. Do you get to keep the scissors? Is that part of the memorabilia? No.
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Am I going to get a moil? I think he might just be au naturel, dude. That's tight. I think that's back. I think that's back in 2025. I think guys are holding on to their foreskins. What's up? Well, and either. Yeah. Yeah. I just like the word moil, to be honest with you. It is a fun word.
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Did she know what you were talking about?
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Yeah. Do you think they go to school for that? I would hope so. They're not just practicing as they go.
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Your penis?
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Oh, so you have a fucked up penis. Is that what you're saying?
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Oh. I don't need a description.
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Oh, you're not symmetrical is what you're saying. not clean. I don't know what that means. I've never looked at my penis and been like, oh, that doesn't look very clean.
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Well, look. It's high and tight. look, Kareem, you're doing well. You're doing well business, career. You can get that fixed if you want to. I'm sure you could find a person that specializes in adult correctional, corrective penis surgery. Be like, yo, I just want to nip and tuck this area right here. That is what it needs. Maybe you should do that for your 40th birthday.
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Actually, maybe I'll get that for you for your 40th.
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but i don't i just don't know what the point is because i'm already married i already have a baby i don't really need my penis anymore that's true you're definitely not using it but i think it's more that like when you look down you're like oh no they they fucked up well first i have to lose about 20 pounds so i can see my penis right that's right that's really the main reason why you're doing this like i need to get a smart scale i already had the smart scale oh wow you've always been smart i like that
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Yeah, look, I mean, if you haven't seen it in a while, look, that's when you know that you've got to get your shit together.
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Oh, shit. Yeah, man. Look, the foreskin is back, dude. That's what I hear is really hip these days based off of all the chatter in the community. Chad. Chad? Chad. What about Chad? That's your son's name. Oh, God. I'm actually trying to figure that out with my mom. She's been sending me just the most wackadoodle emails with Chinese names.
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But I got to. I don't know enough Chinese to get the name right. Right, right, right, right, right, right. And she just sends me an email with just, it's just a paragraph, but it's so long. It's so long.
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Yeah, we still want it to be tight. You want like a good first initial. True. Right. You have a good first initial. I have a great first initial. She was giving me all these terrible ideas that start with the letter Y. I was like, a Y dot? That's not going to work. Z dot could be cool. It's funny you say that. She has given me a Z dot. I was like, oh, that might work. An L dot. No?
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You don't like the L dot? I don't like the L dot. L dot's too weird. Really? Okay.
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A Z dot's really, you don't see that a lot.
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It's like, yo, that's my son, Z1000.
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Dude, I once went to Vermont on a ski trip, and I was staying at the Stowe... Whatever is a nice hotel on that place in Stowe, like right on the mountain. And... My ex at the time, or my girlfriend at the time, who's obviously now my ex, we went there together and she had to go pay for something at the gift shop. And she was like, oh, can you put it on our room?
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And the person behind the register was like, oh, room 1713. He looks at my name, he goes, KU0? It's like, wow.
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would why would why would any name ever have a zero in it that doesn't make any sense i love that story um this person in stowe obviously was probably very very white had never seen a last name like mine was probably very confused like i just have to assume that you know you're dating someone that is a robot because otherwise this name would make no sense
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Yeah. No, I like that. I mean, you don't think it's even a little bit self-congratulatory at all?
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Shit, dude. Don't get that. They have this weird sticky rice bowl thing. Don't get that. You'll be really disappointed. Do you know what the hack is if you're trying to be lean? Get the omelet with the salad.
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Yeah, that's the obvious hack. High protein salad.
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Where'd you guys go for that?
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Okay, yeah. That's all the same type of restaurant, by the way. Yeah, it's like old people restaurants. Yeah, like sort of a fake French bistro, sort of pan continental.
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Yeah, who's going to Sweetgreen? You love Sweetgreen.
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I know you don't love Sweetgreen. I refuse to go to a Sweetgreen. I don't think you've ever even stepped foot in one before. No, I used to for a bit. Oh. And then I was like, this is fucking shit. You're like, wow, I want to spend $30 on a pile of kale.
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She's terrifying. She's a real legend. She is a real legend.
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All right. Well, have fun. Okay. I'll see you next week. Okay. Bye. Bye. Bye.
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Well, that's why I haven't really sent the article to people other than people.
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It's just weird, right? It's like, hey, guys, by the way, FYI, what's good?
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By the way, it makes you think that she was the one who wanted it. You literally told me. Well, actually, funnily, I don't even think I had thought about it. I was actually the one who was like, oh, maybe we should do this. Does that blow your mind? No, you threw her under the bus. Well, now I'm coming clean and I'm letting people know.
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First of all, just one of two homes. Just want to be crystal clear that I still obviously maintain a residence in the city. I'm still a city dweller. But every single podcast we do, you are upstate. Well, I mean, I'm on baby mode right now. Like, I can't leave this immediate premises because the baby could arrive at any time. So it's really the baby's fault, not mine.
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That's a lie. That is a lie.
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We don't need receipts. I can just say that.
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Yes, I did.
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Yeah. No, it's funny. The lady who wrote it, Sada Bahasan, who, you know, shout out front of the pod, who wrote the article, said, No, she actually asked me that question. I think this will get really corny. But as someone who didn't move to New York until in my mid-20s from a small town in Midwest, I was like, oh, having a love story that's in the Times feels like such an anomaly.
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It's such a big city. Isn't it crazy that you'd actually happen to find a person that you'd want to get married to and have a great story? And I was like, oh, that'd be nice if that could be um that was like the dream of a 25 year old um romantic and apparently at 42 still romantic so there you go apparently apparently did did you worry at all about how you were perceived
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Yeah, but I think you just got to let that go, man. It's no big deal, dude. I don't know. You talk to a lot of people in the press. Do you manage yourself? You're like, fuck it. I'm just going to be me. Because that's what I did.
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Well, the problem is now you're like a father and a husband. You're the least important person in your family. You get the least amount of attention.
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Maybe. Yeah, that's true. You're a fun dad, I assume.
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Well, I was going to ask, so are you not going to do avows for your wedding then? I don't think I'll do avows. I'm kind of a private guy. You are a private guy. I'm kind of a private guy. Yeah. Are you also just worried that you wouldn't get the same Sunday paper treatment that I got and that would just be embarrassing to you?
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Well, I think now they may mention me in yours if you And a little callback, a little link back? Yeah, potentially. But yeah, look, feel free to ride my coattails. I'm happy to plug you in with the people there. Obviously, you know the editor and the writers. Feel free. Just let me know. Let me know what's good.
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Yeah, you are a simp. I've always said that about you.
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yes yeah that's true it's um you've definitely done it in a very specific order of baby first then marriage and then the ring i've quite not ever seen that order ever like i did love um when you send the invites out for the wedding which by the way you didn't send to me which i thought was very fucked up and i'm still a little salty about it i let karina handle it and she's not doing a good job
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He's not producing it well is what you're saying.
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It shouldn't be hard. All I'm saying is I never received a wedding invitation before someone had proposed and had the ring. That was a new order that I had not seen. Very you. Very inverted, but it was great. Very excited for you, obviously. We're coming, obviously, to Egypt.
SubwayTakes
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Well, to be crystal clear, this is a home birth.
SubwayTakes
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Right. A one-sided fight. It was a one-sided fight.
SubwayTakes
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And you won, I guess, is the way you would phrase it.
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Okay, that makes sense.
SubwayTakes
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They titted first, okay.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, I like that.
SubwayTakes
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So yeah, look, that'll be exciting for you. Maybe you won't get quite the press that I got. As you know, I'm a press magnet. By the way, FYI, I'm up to like 250 followers on my Instagram. Are we going to do this in every episode? I'm just saying that from an audience growth perspective, this has been one of the most successful weeks of my life.
SubwayTakes
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I've literally gained, I think, 50 followers in the last seven days. It's been absolutely crazy.
SubwayTakes
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It might be. It really might be. I should probably get married next week again just to keep on building the audience. It's been very effective for me.
SubwayTakes
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Is that bad? Again, is this bad behavior? Is that not good social protocol? Do I have to follow? Okay, so I have to go through and actually see who's followed me and then see if I know them and then follow them back.
SubwayTakes
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Do you have a tub in Manhattan? No, I don't actually. I have a stand-up shower. Okay, okay. So, you know, you get what I'm saying.
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It's everything in one.
SubwayTakes
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And that's where you know if friendships are real or not. And I really apologize for that, Dale. I would never want you to feel that way at all. I apologize. I'll go through and do that right after this recording.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, Andrew, yours is a little weird too. Yeah, but I couldn't find, I couldn't get my name. Someone else had already taken my name, which I thought was really unfair.
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Yeah, but there's only one that's really my friend slash nemesis because he gets all the shout outs.
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You're right, you're right. By the way, I will say, according to the New York Times, I do live in two residences. Oh, let's talk about that, New York Times. That's what the article said, so you can't fight with the press. That's the truth.
SubwayTakes
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Which one? Me or the other one?
SubwayTakes
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I know I could have used my phone, but, you know, as a millennial, some things must be done on the laptop.
SubwayTakes
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No, you know this. Don't pretend you're like any better than anyone else. You know that millennials, some things must be done on a laptop. Like, for example, in my opinion, like renting a hotel room that you care about. You have to do it. You want to look at the big photos. You want to sit. You want to read the description. You want to compare pricing.
SubwayTakes
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You can do that on an iPhone, but it's not pleasant.
SubwayTakes
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yeah people like like there is a whole thing about how millennials like if you do if you're doing something important buying airplane tickets i i think if i'm buying a ticket just for myself no problem delta app boom book flight it's fine but if i'm buying more than one ticket It's like I'm going I want to sit down.
SubwayTakes
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It's like it's like I think it's like a nostalgic feeling of like when you go used to go sit at your parents computer and make your big purchase or something. I don't know.
SubwayTakes
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So you keep that thing on you, the second screen, you keep that thing on you so you can snipe. You can snipe out who's posting.
SubwayTakes
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That's so tight. I'm not going to lie. That would have gone a long way for me many times. Yeah. Because I get easily duped
SubwayTakes
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it's not new it's the oldest sandals in the world oh maybe this is what you're in montego bay or were you in like yeah okay yeah i think they built another one on the other side of the island that maybe that's what i saw if i would have looked if i would have looked at the instagrams it would have been like fat dudes posting about like guns and and deer and confederate flags and
SubwayTakes
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and i would have been like oh that's just posting from there right and i assume you had a couple of pink guys pink skin guys from the uk there were several no no but not uk pink skins it was all american pink skins okay yeah that's always rough when you walk in and the purple nose boys i love the purple nose boys they're increasingly increasingly rare and i don't know if it's because we live in new york but
SubwayTakes
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You know, like a guy that just drinks so much alcohol, his nose is purple.
SubwayTakes
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But that bulbous, I'm talking about the bulbous.
SubwayTakes
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I'm going to have to start considering that, that extra layer of diligence when booking. Yeah. But yeah, you get my point. So I was, I was, I was happy that I had my laptop. I could have done everything this week. Probably it would have been fine. You know, I've gone many days without the laptop and this is actually something I learned from, from Karina, uh, She's very phoned.
SubwayTakes
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Like, she would work on her phone only. Like, she didn't really have a laptop. And I was like, how are you doing that? And so I started doing it. And I was like, oh, this is great. You know, like, I don't really use my laptop that much. But for certain things, I like to use it.
SubwayTakes
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Wow. Yeah, I mean, Karina, I gave her my old laptop. And she doesn't use it. But she does have one. But technically...
SubwayTakes
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it was a hand-me-down i don't know i i think because i don't know they're not businessmen like us maybe yeah we're like korean businessmen we're always hustling always on the grind and they are not korean businessmen by any means no no no it's funny she's like i got i'm going to do a little bit of work right now and then she'll go sit on my couch and she's on her phone i'm like oh okay it's kind of tight though
SubwayTakes
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How can she do work on her phone when she's designing? I think it's... Doesn't she need CAD? Doesn't she need AutoCAD?
SubwayTakes
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I mean, there's a lot of things that are sad about it, but what in particular? I didn't even look at Like, you know, like the watercolor thing? Yeah. It just looks like... it just looks like a graphic that they provided. That's amazing. That's so sad.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah. I am looking at it right now. I pulled it up, but it legitimately looks like she was on paperless post.com and they were like, Oh, here's an option with like a tree. And she was like, cool, I'll pick that one.
SubwayTakes
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Well, it was done on her phone, so I guess I don't feel that bad.
SubwayTakes
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That's cool that she was able to do that. No, she got mad skills. Wait, so let's talk about that ASAP Ferg episode that everyone just listened to. I'm sure people have. It was nice to catch up, but I think people are here to hear about the damn podcast. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
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It was fun. It was a fun day. It was me, Anthony, those who will not be named, and Rami. Okay. And I think they, yeah. And they wanted us. So I don't remember what month this was. It was a while ago, but they wanted to meet uptown at Harlem, which makes sense. They sat for the whole gang or Harlem boys, all the ASAP mob is. And so I was like, dude, it was like at like 11 AM or something.
SubwayTakes
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So we took an Uber XL, which I like, you know, I was like, you know, we deserve an Uber XL. Yeah. I get that. Cause I here's the, here's the other thing.
SubwayTakes
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about interviewing all this big talent is they're always showing up in uber xls and and i'm like well i'm also the talent i'm arguably as important as them so why am i not showing up in uber xls i also had four people in tow but it is it is funny that like once you get the uber xl you're like i have to you know i love taking the uber xl so we took the uber xl up to harlem
SubwayTakes
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And met on like a hundred and I don't remember it. Let me check the emails. I can check the emails. Oh, nice. Let's see here.
SubwayTakes
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I'm just using, I'm just typing in Ferg. Is that short for Ferguson, by the way? I think it is.
SubwayTakes
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It doesn't say where it was happening. I mean, I could find it, but I don't want to hold people up. By the way, that's also crazy. That's so hot to be wearing cowboy boots. Well, that's the thing. He had his uncle with him, who was dope. He was really swagged out. And then he also had his cousin with him, who was also swagged out. So it was a lot of swaggy magic.
SubwayTakes
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And then there was also his assistant. I forgot her name. Dude, this is too far away. I mean, it's September, October, November, December, January, February. Six months ago, so don't blame me. And he was really, really funny. It was a really easy episode to shoot. Usually it's a little difficult. But, you know, we got lucky in a number of ways. One, he was on time. I consider that luck.
SubwayTakes
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when you're working with talent because most of the time they are not on time uh and i'm you know people have been literally an hour late plus and the ones that go plus i i leave i just say i'm not doing this yeah it's rude and an hour is the most i'm willing to give to a major celebrity but if it's more than an hour i'm i'm sorry tough luck we were lucky because he was on time
SubwayTakes
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there was really good air conditioning on the train oh that's so nice yeah really good really good air conditioning on the train and it just wasn't busy it was just very it was a great shoot because we got on the train uptown and we just rode it downtown for like legitimately 45 minutes and we just kept going Just like we didn't have to get off. It never got full.
SubwayTakes
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I don't remember what train that was, but it was fucking magical. I mean, it was like a weird train. Like it's probably the one, right?
SubwayTakes
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Well, brother, here's the thing about me. The facts.
SubwayTakes
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Oh, really? There's a world where maybe we wanted short episodes. I don't remember. There's two things that could be possible. One is that we record it for 45 minutes and cut it down to 12 minutes. Right. Right. Possible. Because we want it to. Right. Or we record it for 20 minutes and we cut it down to 12 minutes.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah, people, you know, people have known, people have, are, are known to consider me someone who exaggerates or is just a little loose with the timeline. But I, I just don't know. I'm just assuming in my mind we shot for 45 minutes, but we may have not shot for 45 minutes. Have you spoken to Ferg since? I have not spoken to Ferg since, but what was, oh, let's see here. What's the word here?
SubwayTakes
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What are you guys shooting? Yeah. I don't know. I'm still looking, but I can't find it. What was the question?
SubwayTakes
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Oh, that's nice. But I forgot his cousin's name.
SubwayTakes
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yeah it's in the episode dude this is i mean what am i supposed to do it's like this is so far away yeah i think gmail stops letting you search by the way that's a challenge with mobile gmail on mobile you can only go back so far in your emails you have to be on your desktop and i learned that too by the way right you need to have a computer if you're an adult doing business yeah i agree with that we should have gotten hyundai genesis's
SubwayTakes
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They are Genesises. Yeah. Yeah. We need to get Genesises. Anyways, yeah, the episode was great. Ferg is tight. He's funny. He's really funny. And, you know, I think it comes through in the episode. No, I love the episode.
SubwayTakes
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Not just that Tyler Perry type shit. Yeah. So my cats, I get a daily update from my cat, from my cat sitter. Yeah. They have broken an expensive and nice, like, fruit bowl.
SubwayTakes
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And they're uncontrollable. Yeah. Or, and I actually, you know what? They were probably mad that we're not home.
SubwayTakes
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What are you doing for the rest of the day? Uh, today I'm going to go to the beach. Okay. You haven't been to the beach yet. I haven't been to the beach yet because the first day we got here, we got here at like 4 PM.
SubwayTakes
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uh or 3 p.m and then yesterday it was partially cloudy actually it was pretty it was pretty cloudy cloudy and rainy all day but now the forecast is supposed to be great for the rest of our stay so i'll swing by the beach i'll swing by the beach i'll read that book that you gave me by that guy gay what's his name gay gay hendrix i actually don't know his name i think his name is gay hendrix
SubwayTakes
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It's literally Gay Hendrix I'm looking at right now. That's amazing. Future Hendrix. Gay Hendrix.
SubwayTakes
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His name is literally Gay Hendrix. That's amazing. So I'm going to read the Gay Hendrix book that you gave me.
SubwayTakes
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Abundance Mindset. I mean, I live it, so I'm curious to see if there's any lessons I'll learn. I'm sure there are lessons I will learn, but we'll see. You know me. I'm skeptical because I'm... I feel pretty aligned with my inner self and I know who I am really well. And I'm even the flaws in me. I know, like I'm like, I know what I am.
SubwayTakes
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So sometimes I'm like, I don't need anyone to tell me who I am. Cause I already know, but I am going into it with an open mind as I do many things.
SubwayTakes
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Yes. I think that's. And then I think that the goldfish, it looks like clip art. Yeah. It looks like a paperless post invitation. It looks like your wife painted it. So the cover art for the book is a goldfish jumping from a small bowl to a large bowl. And the saddest thing about both bowls is that there's literally no accoutrement.
SubwayTakes
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Yeah. Well, that's bad, but I think what's worse is that there's nothing... Here's the thing. Life is a bowl. There's no way to be free of the bowl, in my opinion. We live in a system. Okay. The only way to get out of the system is to truly... You're like, I'm opting out. I'm going to live off the land. I'm going to live in a hut and have a farm, and I'm just going to opt out.
SubwayTakes
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If there's, you know, you can make your bowl huge. You can be a guy that does, I'm independent TV. I'm an independent music artist. I don't care about labels, blah, blah, blah. Like you can make your bowl bigger, but you're still in a bowl of capitalism. And like, you have to have money. So,
SubwayTakes
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The thing that is sad, I mean, I don't mind the bulls because I'm jumping from one bull to another, but I want at least a little sand in my bull, maybe a little tree. A little house, a little sandcastle bull in the bull? Yeah, a little army man, a little army guy.
SubwayTakes
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but like think about how much better the cover would be if he was jumping from a small empty bowl to a large bowl with accoutrement well yeah i mean that's like super fancy right i just don't know how you would fit all that on the cover of a book are you looking at the book i'm looking at the cover no i'm not i mean i know it by memory though because i i've seen it so many times why can't you fit it on the cover
SubwayTakes
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It's already on there, dude. It's already on there.
SubwayTakes
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I want everything to remain exactly the same, except in the large bowl. I'd like the large bowl to be a little more welcoming and a proper step up. It's almost like you're moving from a small house to a big house, and both houses are empty.
SubwayTakes
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I might cold email him, take your strategy and cold email him. I love a cold email. The colder, the better. I'd be like, I really like your book, but I don't think it's cool that the fishbowl is empty.
SubwayTakes
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I don't think this goes on YouTube. I think this just goes on Spotify and Apple and such, right? This is a podcast-only special. And we're not calling this anything. This is just an accoutrement. It's the big bowl with dressing.
SubwayTakes
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No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Cloutremont is definitely my word. I'm not even crazy. I'm not being, I'm not being silly.
SubwayTakes
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and per diem is my word too no i'll give you per diem although to be honest i start well i do all the i do all the budget so i start talking about per diems everyone's getting quite a bit as well actually yeah but you were you were talking about per diems not as a joke no yeah i was functionally discussing how we control our costs yes that's right and so yeah the per diem is mine and so is accoutrement anyways well we can we can find the first usage
SubwayTakes
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Well, this goes in... You mean it goes in the Ferg episode?
SubwayTakes
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I guess so. Okay. Alright. So we don't have a name left?
SubwayTakes
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Okay, so it's for the heads. Let's let the heads... Anyway, I don't know. Let's let them discover it. Okay. Maybe you should introduce yourself. No one knows who you are.
SubwayTakes
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They're going to be like, who's this guy that Kareem's talking to?
SubwayTakes
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Andrew who? Well. steals my accoutrement crazy you're crazy that you would literally think that anyways i think this is great i think we're hanging out i think we're done i think i'm going to the beach what are you gonna do today i gotta figure out how i'm gonna i'm gonna do all these home renovations around the house That's fun.
SubwayTakes
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By the way, I think that this Riverside is working well because right now it says that there's 992 out of 996 megabytes have been uploaded to the cloud.
SubwayTakes
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So I think it's real-time uploading. It's 99% uploaded. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
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So anyways, I guess we'll see You, dear listener, the next time we have a short episode, Subway takes on cut.
SubwayTakes
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More eggs. which are expensive now. So that's nice. Eggs are so expensive. Dude, eggs are literally, they literally are expensive.
SubwayTakes
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They're $10. For one egg? No, for like 12 eggs. Okay, right. Yeah, that makes more sense. But they used to be like $3. Oh, then that's too much. I mean, do you not look at the price of eggs? I don't think about it that much. Wow.
SubwayTakes
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I've been doing every time he does. Every time he sends APB, I do it. I love it. I don't know if it's worked out well for me, but. He's so conservative. He is really conservative. He's a bit conservative. I'm more of a big swings kind of guy.
SubwayTakes
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I don't think we can talk about that. That's for another episode.
SubwayTakes
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Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Oh, shout out to Tyler McCullough for the music. It's pretty good. I love it. He's a man. He's a great guy. Great guy. All right. He's a man. Okay. Okay, bye. Okay, bye.
SubwayTakes
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Your safety is important to us. Please stand away from the platform edge.
SubwayTakes
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I mean, life is a lot different. You know, I have to prioritize new things now.
SubwayTakes
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That's exactly right. That's the definition of hanging out for me.
SubwayTakes
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I only see the numbers counting down on your screen. But it does say it's recording. Yeah, we're recording, I think. This is the inaugural episode of Third Rail. Well, we don't know what this is yet.
SubwayTakes
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Okay, so we don't know what this is, but it's something that people will be listening to. This is the first time anyone has ever
SubwayTakes
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I think we're doing a pretty good job. I'm in Miami right now. Yeah, how is it? It's great.
SubwayTakes
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I mean, the weather's wonderful. I have a beautiful view of the beach, which I haven't seen in a long time. And the laptop that I'm recording on right now was just shipped to me via UPS for $350, which I think is actually a pretty good deal because I forgot my laptop earlier.
SubwayTakes
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on my counter before i left the house on saturday i think it's just amazing that you can ship something across country in like two days actually it's not even across country it's down country it's down country yeah how much would the shipping have to be to where you're just like it i'll just buy a new laptop i mean i guess it's the same whatever the price of the laptop is a thousand dollars i guess
SubwayTakes
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I guess that's a bad laptop. I mean, part of me considered going to Best Buy and buying one of those little weird laptops. Like an HP.
SubwayTakes
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It's pretty much like an airplane ticket for... my computer who flew in some sort of airplane. Yeah. I mean, there's no way that the laptop was driven to Miami.
SubwayTakes
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He flew in an airplane. Why is it a key? Because it's my boy, my, my son. Wait, but that is really funny because my original idea, like right when I landed and actually right when I got to the airport in New York, which is where I realized that I didn't have my personal belongings. I was like, okay, I can just buy an iPad and just, and just use that for the week.
SubwayTakes
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But then I was like, I already have an iPad and I've had iPads my whole, like since iPads came out, I've never used iPads. for anything except for snorting coke and playing spotify and now watching my baby on the baby monitor so i was like I don't do the cocaine anymore, so there's not really a point of having two iPads.
SubwayTakes
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I know, but now I just use the Spotify on my phone. I don't need an iPad on the table because the iPad was nice for controlling Spotify and doing lines off of it.
SubwayTakes
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the ipad that was playing the music but i don't think i want to do that with the ipad that is i'm watching my child is that was that the ipad mini that feels like that's not really enough surface area depending on the pile of cocaine i feel like no i had the regular ipad okay that makes sense it was at my first apartment in manhattan but yeah i think that you're about right though it's probably like
SubwayTakes
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I think it would have had to have been like, yeah, $650, $700, maybe $800 is when you go, all right, you know, we got to figure something out here.
SubwayTakes
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I mean, I just got here this morning, and I was more so relieved because I don't, I mean, here's the thing. I have everything in the cloud. Like, there's zero litter left.
SubwayTakes
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on my desktop it's uncluttered there's not a single piece of litter on my desktop everything is in the cloud so this laptop could fall off a building and i just replace it doesn't matter to me i learned a long time ago how powerful it is to have everything in the cloud then why do you need the laptop in the first place why you just because i don't have a i don't have a device you have a phone
SubwayTakes
“Restaurants need to stop with the artisanal ketchup!!” with Paul Scheer
We know how important it is to stay on top of the news. But let's be honest, sometimes it can be a lot to take in. That's why you should check out 5 Good Things. Every Saturday, we highlight the good stuff happening around the world. Because there's plenty of it, I promise. Hear 5 Good Things on Saturday mornings, wherever you get your podcasts.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, well, Dale's a cool guy.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
A crop tee, if you can pull it off as a man, is extremely slutty. It's one of the sluttiest looks you can have as a man.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It's a wife lover.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Actually, dumb question. What's a muscle shirt?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Okay, right on. But is it cut so that it goes deep so you can kind of see the rib?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah. Look, I jumped headfirst in. I did, as you may recall, I did hit up you and Hasan, front of the pod, Hasan Ali Khan, on our group thread to get feedback on what my username was going to be.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, the deep hole. Everyone loves a deep hole.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, it's like, oh, fuck these sleeves, man.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. That's definitely attitude for sure. I get that.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
By the way, on this tattoo thing, I haven't gotten the latest on your tattoo removal journey. Are you taking all of them off or just a handful? Are you going full Pete Davidson, spending like 200 racks, just taking them all off? What are you doing? What's the plan?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
What's the S then? What's the S at the end?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That's only IC is what you just said.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, very specific, actually.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, so you didn't even give him clear guidance. There were no comps. No. Oh, wow.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I was like, is this godaddy.com or like...
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, wow! So people just think you're like really into snakes on roses.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And why that is the thing? Because you want to return to the grave with a clean body. Oh, is that like a religious thing or that's just like a vibe thing? Yeah.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
no i'm um i'm a i'm a good boy yeah uh you did you did have a phase though what's a bad boy phase i did have a bad boy phase but what do they call that what do they call the asians that are kind of hood oh that is called oh fuck what is that called look that up there's a specific it's not blazing is it no no that's when you're mixed that's tiger woods
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I love Ian. How's he doing? I haven't seen him in like a minute. Is he doing wonderful?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It was... Name. Well, for girls, it's ABCs. Or ABGs. I can't remember. Asian baby girls. That's like the flip side of the Fast and the Furious. That's like Devin Aoki is like an ABG. But yeah, what was...
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'd be like, it's like almost like, it's like bad boy Asians from like San Gabriel Valley.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It is going to bother me too, actually. Let me just look it up as well.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I know.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, just like off. Yeah.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That's not correct.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I will remember it for next time.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wow, that's a really good storytelling device. I like that.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, and you 100% agree to that, right?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, I don't know if I agree with that.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I mean, a lot of people are showing hole these days, man. Very popular.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
10 years sober which is pretty good and he's i mean he's always had that infectious ian finance energy yeah i mean dude i remember the first time that i met him which i don't know if that was the first time you had met him when he was yeah that was the first time really okay got it when he came on um the last stop which is a deep cut for the subway takes heads know what i'm referring to but when he showed up on set and just realized wow this guy is a real um firecracker
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
He was so funny. So how did the episode go, man?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, look, I think that would be a big draw. By the way, I think if you're so nostalgic for the 90s, does that just mean that you're a little washed, a little old, a little bit out of touch? Did you guys touch on that as a topic?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, I phrase it as a question.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, I mean, it was a bit of a push-pull, I'll admit.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wait, did you not... You're not on the Platinum Medallion?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Okay. How do you define interesting?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Okay, got it. All right. Okay.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, to be fair, you are also picking on like the world's worst versions of a modern day coffee shop. Like those are devoid of anything.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I don't go to coffee shop chains. I don't even know what's happening there.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I eat at all of them. All of them.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah. I feel like you for sure were the guy that was in the playpen area. You remember when they had the amusement park that was attached to the McDonald's?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, I hear him. I'm wearing headphones. Yeah, I can hear myself.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It sounds kind of lit. I'm not going to lie.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
The sphincter is loose and my shoulders have dropped. I'm breathing deeper. You're right. Yep.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You could eat as much fruit as you wanted.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, there's no ball pits at the McDonald's on Sixth Avenue.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You convinced me. Great, great.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
They're warm and fuzzy. Yeah, yeah. I guess how do you think we're going to look back on the 2020s? That's now? Yeah, like in 20 years, how do you think we're going to look back on the 2020s?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wait a second. You don't look back on the millenniums? That's pre-Willingsburg not being a mall.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You came here when I came here. I'm like the 20... Why am I saying 20? 2008. i came in two thousand twelve oh wow all right so you're like uh fuck seriously oh so you're barely a new yorker barely yeah famously barely a new yorker so i'm really the new yorker here on in this conversation is what we're saying yeah
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wow. By the way, it's funny. So I actually had to do something today. And I'm actually a little bit ashamed to reveal it, but I think I have to because I'm trying to live more honestly in my life. Is that today... I canceled my Equinox subscription membership because I was like, oh, I'm not in the city enough to justify the enormous cost of going to an expensive gym. And I was like, oh, shit.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
What's up? What's up? What's up? I just want everyone to know I've got about 200 followers. The audience development is developing.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Does it actually mean that I really am an upstater? Is that like I can't even go to the Equinox anymore? I was like, oh, this just, you know, I'm no longer a member. How fucked up is that? It's really crazy.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, that's... Look, it's... You know, everyone's like, oh, there's no more third places. You know, that's like a whole thing. Like, you know, the New York... All these articles about third... Yeah, yeah.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
What's your third place?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, that's... First of all, that is sick. Banks have gotten really good lounges. What's their deal? Is it like free kombucha on tap? What are they doing over there?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
um every day i check it i'm like yo if i get like one new follower a day it feels like it's a good day so it's good it's i mean we all gotta start somewhere dude yeah yeah yeah we all gotta start somewhere that's right that's right you gotta start from zero i did i was shocked i was shocked
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, okay.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
that sounds like a band also from the 90s.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It is a band from the 90s. And like, what's the crowd like at the Capital One Lounge?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, I could say that. I could see that.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, well, that's... I mean, you can't even stay there. I mean, and do you think that's why there was no one there? Because I'll be honest. If I had walked in... No, no, there were a lot of people.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, so you were people watching from the safe confines of the Capital One Lab.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Strong body, strong mind. And if you've seen me IRL, you know I got that strong bod. What's good?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm so yoked, dude. I had to switch t-shirts because the other one didn't fit me. That was the one originally.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, that's right. Is that actually true? No, I actually did a weird random aside. What I was doing right before this is I was getting baby photos done at the house. So there's a photographer who's wrapping up with Malou right now. So I actually did have to put on a fit. And then I was like, oh wait, this t-shirt's too tight.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, in the baby photos. And I was like, oh, this isn't going to age very well. And so I put on a more appropriately sized shirt.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It was too tight. It was too tight.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You know, I don't actually know the brand. I remember picking it up randomly when I was home in Detroit, and I think it was Brandless, actually.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, it's like a boutique in downtown Birmingham. You wouldn't know about it, but it's cool.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Homo sapien? What do you mean? No, homosexual. That used to be the thing on the playground back when we were kids. You call me a homo?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Really? I was pretty popular in elementary school.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And then you'd be like, oh, homosexual.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I think that's fine.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Why? Because someone can see my forearms? All of a sudden, I'm not taking the shoot seriously?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm definitely not wearing a collar. That's right.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, but I don't know. Since when do collars signify me taking it more seriously? There's plenty of guys who wear collars that still look pretty fucking sloppy, let's be honest. You've been to Miami. You know what I'm talking about.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wow. Dale, do you hear that? I can't believe he would say that to two men on a podcast recording. They're both wearing t-shirts. That's actually insulting.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I don't wear t-shirts. I have noticed about you. You only wear a collar thing, and then you just unbutton it all the way down to your navel.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I know. I can see. I can see exactly what you're doing.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Look, just because you have really small calves, underdeveloped calves, and you're afraid to show them off, that's really a Kareem thing.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That's right.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Do you? I've never seen them. I wouldn't know.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
As much as I respect you, this is excruciating.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
So how do you eat? How do I eat? With your hands. No, no, but how do you use a knife and fork?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Do we have to get on another one? We go back.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Put these on. Your viewership is going to go, don't you think?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I think they've got a little bit of skin flake in the middle. Before I had glasses, because now I'm so old I have to wear glasses all the time, I used to look at people with dirty glasses and go, dude, come on. A little bit of self-respect, please. Just get a tissue and wipe them clean. And now my reading glasses are like old people's glasses. They've got the skin flake. They've got the thing.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
But don't you use it? Your thumbs are really important digits.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Well, no, I used to, but now I am one of those people. So I'm kind of, I've got a newfound empathy for the...
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
but the skin stuff like if someone you know like if i forgot my glasses and you have to borrow someone's reading glasses and you get them it's like it's like it's like the facial toe jam it's really disgusting it's quite disgusting and really hard to cope with but then because they've lent you their glasses see yeah i'm just getting rid of this i'm just getting rid of the skin i don't know do they look good on me they look really good on you i think they look better
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Look, put these back on and then see.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
No, it's because you can see your eyebrows now and you've got great eyebrows. No, thank you so much. You don't wax or thread, do you?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I'm blind. I'm not reading my... See, this is the one... This is the one good thing about being clinically blind is that everyone looks fantastic. I look fantastic in the mirror, actually.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, until you see a photograph of yourself and you go, whoa.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
And what does naturally beautiful mean?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
In 2004? Oh, my God. So I must have slipped way down the list since then, since it's 2025. So 21 years ago, I was the third most naturally beautiful woman in the world.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Okay, well, you think that made my currency go up or down, but that was 21 years ago.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Oh, yeah, definitely. I want to get two or three more.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
But it also means you have to work, which I'm not so keen on doing. I want to be at home in my garden with my chickens.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
My garden, because I kill things and I want to learn to not kill things.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Well, they're all in Berlin. Are they moving here?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Like a vacuum cleaner. But see, you still wouldn't solve the pollution problem. No, I agree. Unless you had a leaf blower the size of Texas. I'm just saying in general. But the stupidity, this is the thing, it's a metaphor for what's wrong with us as a species, is we blow shit from one side of our lawn to the other side, and then the wind is just going to blow it back.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Avocado toast with chili flakes, but good coffee.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I think so. Vegemite toast. We don't really have a national food.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
We have a lot of beer. We have cold beer. As opposed to the English warm beer. Not that I drink beer.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
A seven-story bar? Yeah, I said, I'll probably pass. Why are there so many Australians here now?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
They're chefs. We do the Pacific Rim. We do good food. What's the Pacific Rim? We're situated geographically in Asia, but yet a lot of our culinary traditions are French and European. So we pull our... global warming is having something to do with the reduction of the amazing fish. But we have amazing fish.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Oh, you see, you don't have strap hangers.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
But they did this study in the Tube in London. And they said that the Tube seats were fine. It's bed covers. You know the coverlets that you get on a bed in a hotel. They are far more filthy than the seat covers in the Tube.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
So if you go to a hotel... Do not sleep on that bed cover. Pull it off, put it in a plastic bag, and fumigate yourself.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Sorry, have I been elbowing you in the head? Sorry.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
You're a bit of both. We're colonized by the British, so it's okay. Sorry, mate. Sorry, mate.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
You just put them through your nose.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Well, the 50-whatever state of America.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yes. What's your take? What annoys you? Talking to people on trains?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
But you suck it, you've still got to get the bag at the end and put it somewhere.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
It actually, my rage went through the roof in Washington, where I think there's the highest concentration of leaf blowers anywhere.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, yeah. And they banned them. So now you can, if you, if, I think it's because this is terrible. This is truly, truly terrible. They did a study back in, I don't know, 2010 or something, that 30 minutes on a leaf blower, this is going to make you really sick.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
has more pollution than driving a pickup from texas to alaska 30 fucking minutes it's really bad so they've banned them in washington but i don't think it's that's the only place they're bad but they're no but they're everywhere and i my my gardener in australia i said if you use a leaf blower it's over you should be ostracized yeah yeah i said my kids i'll pay my kids two bucks an hour okay three bucks an hour to rate the leaves and make sure their hearts are in good condition how old are they
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Well, they're now 24, so they don't listen to me at all. No, no, they deserve $3 an hour. Yeah, exactly. They're 25 years old, they're going to work for $3 an hour.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Are you in camouflage so that no one knows who you are?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
My take is that leaf blowers need to be eradicated from the face of the earth.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
No, I think we do need more podcasts. You think more? I think we need more. I think we need to triple the amount of podcasts that we get. Because where else are we going to get people talking to people? Not here. People not necessarily not here. No, people who aren't yelling at people. People actually speak to one another and listen a little bit on podcasts.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I do because I end up being on the train a lot in England.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
This is the world's shortest podcast. I think more podcasts.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I think men should have to menstruate every month. No, twice a month.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Male chickens? They do. Male chickens. They're called roosters. Yeah, I think the world would be a kinder, more compassionate place if men had to give birth. I mean, it would be a game changer.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, I've done it four times, well, three times.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah. But after that, it's just like, and it just comes out.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
It does. But after it's all over, like when it happened to me and I'm fortunate, I had three easy, relatively easy births. I just wanted a cheese sandwich. It was the first thing I wanted. It's like, yeah. Easy to please. I want to have another baby and a cheese sandwich.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
It was on the beach, on the boardwalk. He was blowing one leaf. So maybe he was trying to blow the sand.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Okay, but what if it's a black guy who's dressed so badly?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
No, that's probably true. What if a black woman tells you you look cool?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
That is so rude. I have four kids, and the stalk didn't bring them. Did you plan ahead?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
How do you know? Is that a come on line?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, a hard shoe. Did this gentleman used to wear white sneakers and then maybe he, what, maybe he hadn't changed his socks?
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
So he'd been blowing that leaf probably from five blocks away. It had finally got onto the beach. And his employer had said, if you don't fucking get rid of that leaf, you are done.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Okay. Of his own volition or just people, just women, or men, or whoever just swarmed all over him? Look, I'm not sure because I will say that... I've been propositioned three times on the way here in my white sneakers.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
You're also not cool. That black dude would not say that you were cool.
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This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
That's true. Well, yeah. Mine are kind of dirty.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Absolutely. Dirty. But see, that's he didn't qualify. Dirty white stinkers need to fuck all the time.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I would say about seven. But can you get another seven in before you reach the next star?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
And I've sworn way too much. Now, okay, so if you're doing ADR, right, and there's a lot of swearing in the movie, and they ask you to say a word to replace a cuss word, what will you do?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah. Or I just think they should just beep it. Like in the movie? Yeah, they should just go beep so that you know that someone is cussing rather than saying farm you melon farmer.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
You have to have a word that replaces like felucca. Which is, I think, one of the sexiest words ever. Do you know what it is?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
No, see, this is the thing. Not only are leaf blowers ugly and they're noise polluting, then your neighbors hate you because in the end all you're doing is blowing the leaves onto your neighbor's lawn. So it's really bad for neighbor relations. They're really bad for your health, not only your ears. Oh, I didn't know this.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, on the Nile of Egypt, which is where I'm from. But look. Are you from Egypt? Yeah, I was born there. I've been on many a felucca. Oh, yeah. But look, when you say felucca, look. Felucca. If I was on the other side of the train here and I looked at you and I went, Falooka, it'd be on, right?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I'm wearing white sneakers, so I probably wouldn't. I'm married. So am I. But if you said Falooka to me... You know. Felucca. Felucca. We have to say it softly. Felucca.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
That could be a... See, we need more podcasts.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
On this train? Are you here because of Black Bag?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
No, I've made a film with Steven Soderbergh again after, oh God, however many years. It's a spy movie and Fassbinder's in it. And Tom Burke, who I'm also on stage with, not right this minute, but in London. But I have to go back and get back on stage. And I'm not wearing white sneakers, I'm wearing Birkenstocks. Which are super, super duper sexy.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
And actually, I don't like socks with sandals at all. But Birkenstocks with socks... I think that's really cool. So you're in a spy thriller. I am. It's called Black Bag, and it's about this couple, Fassbender and I, who are high-level operative, intelligence operative. So it's a big stretch for me to be an intelligence operative cast against type.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
And then he realizes that I'm a suspect in this terribly dangerous thing.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, along with a lot of other people. And they're totally devoted to each other in their marriage. But, you know, it's this thing about if you can lie about everything in your job, then what's the truth?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
But I think the rise of cardiac problems has gone through the roof because people are not doing the physical exercise.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
How much longer will you be married, perhaps? What? You've been married for four years and you can't remember it's four... I've been married 28 years and I can remember that.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
And were you together for a long time before you got married?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Oh, maybe it feels like it's a year.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
So she re-became a Christian again?
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
It's true. The rake, you have to move it. Your lats are getting weaker and weaker. It's like with phones. We're using this digit is now the most powerful digit around.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I can understand that. The mosques in Turkey are pretty spectacular.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
As is this sun. So you spend most of your day underground, like a mole.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Last time I was here. My son's at NYU, so I traveled. But this is good because people still do weird stuff. Whereas in London, honestly, people are just on their phones.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
Yeah, on buses and people giving themselves pedicures or saying weird stuff or what they're reading, reading books upside down.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
No, this person was actually reading. Really? Or maybe they were reciting something else. Yeah. That's interesting.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
See? The carriage is like a Quaker church. Everyone gets a chance to speak.
SubwayTakes
This Is Cate Blanchett's Sexiest Word To Say | Uncut
I once did drag at Stonewall to raise money because the Sandy Hook parents, much-needed... And they thought that's an amazing drag of Cate Blanchett. That's so good. But I'm really bad at playing myself. This is excruciating.
SubwayTakes
Hasan Minhaj Wants to Cancel Birthdays | Uncut
That's wild. I know, we're all wild. Warum dich ein bisschen Regen nicht auffällt. Warum Laufen zum Ritual wird. Also laufe und fühle das Runners High.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Right. But real talk, if we're actually talking about for real, for real, what I have found, and I'm not saying that this has to be the way you would do it, but the way that I've made friendships as an adult is I will get that text at a dinner party or a party or a function or whatever. And what I'll do is I'll literally just hit them up, whatever, and just invite myself to wherever they are.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
And if they're down, then I know we've made friends. What do you mean you invite yourself to wherever they are? It's like, hey man, what's going on? What are you up to? And they're like, oh, I'm doing this, blah, blah, blah. What are you up to? And people are sometimes just being polite. And I'll just be like, oh, cool. I'm going to come with. Oh, I would never do that.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
And what did that person say in response to that?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah, I was going to ask, by the way, is this like a foreign person? This person can't be American. You're firing back voice notes back and forth. No, they're American. Oh, and is this on WhatsApp or is this on text? Text, iMessage. Crazy, crazy. And so what happened? Did you guys end up linking up? Like what? Where'd you leave it? It fizzled. It fizzled. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Why are you so shy and being so aggressively just being like, hey, where are you at? I'm coming to hang out.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
That feels really intimate, but that's okay. I mean, 2025 is about male intimacy.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
And be like, hey, I'm going to walk my cats. I'll link on the corner of X and Z. I can just take a walk with him. I don't have to take my cats with me. Yeah, but I feel like you want to bring a companion with you as well. He's bringing a companion, you bring a companion. It's like equal levels, you know?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Oh, no, I got that story. But yeah, so how was it?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Exactly. Wait, that's so, yeah, I forgot.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
And you'd get the weird haircut with the puffs and the tufts.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
That feels kind of off-brand for you, if I'm being honest.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I guess you do kind of have a little puff and a tuft.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah. Yeah. I would think something a little bit brawnier though. Like a Doberman? Maybe not. Maybe something that's, you know, just, yeah, a little, not like Husky. Like I would never describe you as a Husky man, but I would be like, yeah. That's literally what you're, you're literally doing that right now. I don't know.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I'm saying that you're, you know, you're a man, you know, you're a man of a certain spatial taking up of, you know, that's how, that's a scientific term of taking up space. So I would think that you'd get a dog that similarly would also take up space.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
No, it's it. Yeah. I mean, I'm looking at him right now. He's sleeping on the couch. I'm not really doing shit. He's kind of a little big. He is a little bit of a big it's it's definitely like a bougie kind of basic dog. But he's cute. He is really cute. He is really cute.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
No, he's not. But I think I'm friendly. I think the energy is kind of the same. I think I'm a human version of that. I'm a pretty nice, friendly, outgoing kind of person, I would say. People have said that about me. 100% disagree.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah, that sounds good. Enjoy. Thanks, Andrew. Thanks for having me, buddy. Of course. I'll see you soon. I'll see you right after this. Okay. Goodbye. Bye.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I feel like it was Blake for sure. That feels very Blake coded.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Wow. This is like very high school. Was this at like Hotel Chantal or something? It literally, I think, was at a hotel. Yeah, that makes 100% sense.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Isn't that all relationships until you get to the final relationship? Isn't that...
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah, I was thinking that it's basically just like sex plus. It's sex plus.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
God, the right before the wedding one's tough. Right before the wedding is really tough. Yeah, I get that. You're in a position where you don't want to say no to something. You know, like someone's getting on their knee and they're doing the whole thing.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Right, right, right. The classic building blocks that you call the improv sketch.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Right. Which, by the way, thanks again for the book. You're welcome.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Oh yeah. How, how was, I mean, look, I'd only be getting a few little excerpts on page six. Um, so I don't know, obviously the whole arc, was it a good read? It's a great read. Yeah.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I thought you were going to say it was going to make you want to have a seafood tower.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Dude, I would fucking... I'd show up for sure, man. You should do it. We should do it together. Yeah, I'm down. Let's do it.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I like the idea of building a physical place where vibes are happening. I think that's a bit of a lost art nowadays. And I think that's why Balthazar is honestly so fucking iconic.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Remember when we had that idea for a podcast studio slash coffee shop slash record shop slash, and that's how we're going to make all this money doing that? That was a terrible idea. Horrible, horrible fucking idea. But, you know, you live, you learn.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Wow, that's so nice of you to give such a wonderful greeting. I'm doing great.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry. You're not. Dude, I literally just had this conversation with Malou yesterday. I actually had a conversation. I was like, look, I have to describe myself as being someone who maintains residences in both Manhattan and the Hudson Valley in order to ensure to let people know that I'm still in it. You know what I mean?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
That's a compliment, actually. I'll take that.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Is it the hair? Is it the body? Is it the vibe, the aura of it all? What is it about him that gets you?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I have a question, though. When did he come on your radar? And have you always been... Is it Walton or is it Walter? It's Walton. It's Walton? Okay, got it. It's a sick name. It is because you're like, oh, is that misspelled? Are you mispronouncing it? Is it wrong? When he goes to Starbucks, people are not writing his name down correctly.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Well, I think that's just because, you know, you're the type of guy that can get so much done that it seems like, like an octopus, you have your hands, your tentacles, and so many things. One could not possibly do it all, but, you know.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah, he was. I mean, look, we almost had him for Subway takes. We did almost have him for Subway takes. Couldn't make the schedule work, but c'est la vie, you know?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
No, no. He's like a character guy that you see. And what do you think about his hair? Is it the hair or the body that you think is so distinctive?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
you tell me more about the body because that's weird no but i mean like i think people you know how like you see these actors um and there's like more they seem like normal guys and then for whatever reason like in a movie or tv series they have to take their shirt off and they're just like jacked with like a 12 pack you're like why this has nothing to do with the character development this is just a person who just works out constantly
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
And I have to say, Walton, in this whole press tour, he has oftentimes not been wearing a shirt. I mean, let's be honest. He's oftentimes not wearing a shirt. Unclear why that's the case. And it's clear the man spends a lot of time in the gym. A lot of time in the gym.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah. I mean, look, I think it's funny that you're talking about the Hudson Valley thing because I think people don't even know that because of the whole AD episode that I think in a lot of ways also put on the map.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Again, clarification, I live in both places. But there was a weird capitalist side to me. I was like, oh, I bet that's probably good for real estate values. Which was kind of fucked up. That's literally exactly what I thought of a beat after I saw the episode. But yeah, I thought it was tight. His house was cool.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Wait, but wait, so wait, first of all, okay. Three years ago. That's crazy. But when did you run into him? I didn't even know that you had met him at one point.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
You are a collaborator. You love a collab. You love having Kareem X something. I love collab posts.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Right, but does he seem so happy just because his teeth are crazy? It looks like he's smiling even when you can't see his teeth.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Yeah, I don't think God gave him those teeth.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
By the way, when that happens, totally random aside, when that happens, when you have something like that in childhood, you get a fake grill. and presumably your teeth at that time fit the size of your head. Your head is a smaller head because you're tiny. And then what happens is you get older, do you get bigger teeth installed? You swap out the teeth?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Otherwise, the idea that those teeth, which by the way are huge for his head right now. They are huge teeth. So at seven, he had the same size teeth? Otherwise, that would be maniacal if he had done that.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Did you pitch it to him? You should have pitched him this idea. The Joker? I should have pitched him the Joker?
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
I think that is worth sliding in the DMs unless you got his phone number to be like, hey, about that invitation, how's Memorial Day weekend? I'm showing up with my wife and child.
SubwayTakes
“Anything is a dating app!” with Willa Bennett
Well, let me ask you a question. I feel like... Some of the people you've met along the show, you have become really good friends with. You think of Jerry Saltz. I would say you guys are legitimately good friends. How did you do that? Because then just rinse and repeat, replicate, scale that friendship-making enterprise, make it happen.
SubwayTakes
John C. Reilly Doesn't Like Food Videos | Uncut
I know how important it is to stay on top of the news. But let's be honest, sometimes it can be a lot to take in. That's why you should check out 5 Good Things. Every Saturday, we highlight the good stuff happening around the world. Because there's plenty of it, I promise. Hear 5 Good Things on Saturday mornings, wherever you get your podcasts.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
No.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Holy crap.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
One state.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Yeah.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Yeah.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Fascinating.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
They are thin socks.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Yeah.
SubwayTakes
"There are too many states in America! We need to get rid of ten!!" with Hari Kondabolu
Literally.
SubwayTakes
“Every man should have to wear a speedo to the beach at least once!” with Jay Jurden
All right.