Andrés Rosende (Podcast Producer/Moderator)

Fans at home, did she leave us? Comment down below. Yeah, comment down below. You know you did. Who gave you the most fun opportunities? Us. And she doesn't take them. Come down to Long Beach. Get appreciated. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. Yeah, yeah. And it's fine. And now you're single. She's a hot shot. She's got money. Does whatever she wants. Single.

You know what's so funny about you two?

See, people like you. People are like ungrateful. Ungrateful. Ungrateful people. What has Tito Bobby done for you? Literally everything. And here you are ordering underwear off of Amazon.

Heavy metal fucking.

Can I tell you something? What?

When you posted that photo of you at the Renaissance Fair, I literally said, I go, he looks happier than I've seen him in years.

No, I'm serious. Put up the photo. I'm not kidding. I saw that photo today.

You and Britt, dude. I was like, you guys, you look so stoked. You know why? She's my friend. I know, dude, but I'm just saying, you know why? Why?

You know why? Yeah. Because you're having, I can tell right there, you're goofing. You're having fun. And you're goofing. I said, oh man, he's goofing. He's having a good time. And I guarantee you, you got recognized a lot and you were jamming and having a good day.

A king recognize you.

What do you mean? That's just, what do you mean?

That's a real thing there, by the way. You do see people on leashes, huh?

You're gathering information as you go.

You like sweet or savory crepes?

Nutella?

Love.

You like Pinkberry or Yogurtland? I hate Pinkberry so much it's unbelievable. It's a fake place. It's dog shit. Give me ice cream. Frozen yogurt is a lie. Am I right, guys? It's a lie.

It's a lie. Tell me this. Pinkberry can't compete with Salt and Straw, McConnell's, Van Leeuwen. It doesn't even come close.

But it doesn't satisfy you.

Ice cream is better than frozen yogurt every day of the week.

You have to send it to me on Cash App.

It's a safe, easy, and fast way to send, receive, and transfer money to family and friends. Bobby and I are both a family and friends. It's so easy to get started. Just enter your phone number or email. No bank account needed at all. My money showed up right away.

It's your money. You shouldn't have to wait. Cash App has your back. If you're about to send money to a sketchy account, a scam warning pops up. Do you feel way more relaxed knowing Cash App has your back? Because you should. It does. And by the way, I got scammed on one of these money transfer things.

I'm not going to tell you which one, but somebody was using my money to rent boats in Florida and go fishing. That was me, dude. That was you?

Well, I'll tell you what. I love using Cash App because it's fast, it's safe, and it makes life way less stressful. All right? So from now on, all you got to use is Cash App. It's the best. For a limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash for real. No catch.

Honestly? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Will you play the bird again? Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful.

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Huh? Are you lactose? No, I'm Christian.

I know. But I'm converting to Christian. You're the first Korean Jew that I've ever met. I know, dude. My tummy hurts. No, dude. You can't have ice cream. I know. When we go out, no, you have. You just take a lactate. I like a lactate. I like a lactate. I like a lactate. Can you have lactose?

Yeah. Your stomach gets upset? Man. What it's like to be Jewish in South Korea. Let's zoom in. I'm shocked.

Not one of those people are South Korean.

I can't wait to leave.

Look at your little wand, by the way.

what are you texting nothing you're on your shit here's the deal about bob when he falls in love with somebody or falls in crush whatever he's on his phone the whole time that's crazy you have another crush hard hard you love you like this person a lot no let me do my own sorry Dating addiction. Maybe cut that out. That felt weird. It didn't hit. Carlos thinks you have a dating addiction.

And I would love you so very much. What is it?

That's what we're saying. No, we're not saying. No, we're literally saying I want you to be happy. Am I wrong? I think you're a sabotager. Why? I don't know, man. How?

Yeah, and can I tell you something? Every time you date someone or starts talking to someone, I do something. What do you think I do?

And I'm gonna say this to the fans right now. What do you think I really do?

Play the bird. Play the bird. Play the bird, bud.

Every time you date somebody, I look into their profile. And what's the first thing you think I do, Carlos? What do you think I do with their profile?

Carlos, what do you think I do? I think you look at the stories. I see if... I think you look at the stories. I see if... Go ahead, McCone.

Thank you, McCone. Okay. I go, how many comics is she following? And then I also see, has she... DM'd anyone we know. And the current woman that you're having a good time with, goose egg. That means she's a good one. Am I wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not following a lot of comics.

And she hasn't been DMing comics.

That means she's legit.

Well, no. She likes Bobby Lee. Instead of liking the world of Bobby Lee, she likes Bobby Lee. And that, to me, as Booth knows, is the most important. Have I not supported you seriously? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Yeah. No, but am I being serious? Yes. When I see she's following other comics, blah, blah. And let me tell you something.

What do you do? Sorry.

Here, I'll get it. I'll get it. Good girl. Oh, my God.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, put some more water.

I'll take that hit. Yeah, yeah. What do I remind you of? An ugly old 52-year-old man who's single and sad.

That's the thing about love on the spectrum. The autistic kids, when they're like, I don't know if I like guys, they go right to bi-curious.

I'm saying, Perry.

She like trains Perry.

So what, you're interested in chicks or no?

No, you're open. But you're leaning towards girls now?

Okay.

What, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? Big black cock?

No, no, no, no, yes. Well, attention all BBCs. There it is.

Send in your, don't send in your penis. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Send in your, what?

No, no, because they'll do penis.

No, no. No, your credit rating.

Send him what kind of car you drive. You drive a Challenger or a Charger at carlessinthebooth at gmail.com. Let's see if you can get some chocolate love down here to Cinnamon Central.

There's Brad Williams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop, dude.

And they're famous OnlyFans.

Are you going to do apps now? You never did the apps.

Hinge, Tinder, Raya. Try it. Raya's yours, right? That's what you're on?

Does your generation not do the apps?

I think you're asexual. Is that what it is? No, but I mean like, isn't that what all the apps are? Am I crazy?

Yeah. Fancy, don't know.

Yeah. You were never on the apps, right? You met your wife in where? At a bar. What bar? The Dodgers bar. The Dodgers bar? Do you mean the shortstop? Yep. Are you fucking kidding me?

You met your wife at the shortstop on Sunset? Uh-huh. When you go in for a move- Joel, shut up. Honestly.

I know. Yeah. And you know what? I'm drunk on Easter, and let me tell you something. I'm hurt.

Because Jules was our... Oh, my God. She was one of the pillars of the show.

And she went away. And she doesn't give a fuck about us anymore.

You don't care about us anymore.

But I do.

Everybody wants the king to close. Am I right?

I was rife in it.

It was Matt rife in it.

My guy, Dr. Drew.

Dr. Drew came and saw us. He diagnosed us.

He gave us a breakdown. This motherfucker can diagnose you live.

I got to tell you, Bob is ready to film.

Yes, you are. Bobby Zauer is so funny. And I've seen it. For two years, we were on the road.

And now he's been doing his thing. And I'm not kidding. You're so ready. It's crazy. It's so funny. It's funny to watch someone do it. No, I'm not kidding. I'm still not done, man. No.

And we were there with Kevin Nealon last night. Nealon, one of the greatest of all time.

Yeah, yeah. Would you bring a date to the ice house? Yeah. Because you bring dates to the store. I think it's, you know what? Home territory is different, though.

You feel better when you go down there?

Yeah. I will say, I miss the old ice house for people that don't know. It was all Mexican.

Give it to me. Yeah, I love Mexicans. I love Mexicans. And it was more Mexican. It's still some, but I liked when it was all Mexican. Yeah. I love Mexicans. Yeah. They're just great people. They're just, I don't know. It's different now. Am I wrong? Please. Come on. Mexicans No no They're real now Oh you don't like Mexicans?

That's not Pasadena, dude. Zoom out. That's fucking, what is that called? It's by a zoo. Irwindale. That's so far away. It's pretty far, yeah. It's Pasadena. Yeah, Pasadena is 20 miles west. So, were you well-received? What do you mean, dude? Were people excited to see Bobby Lee at the Renaissance Faire?

So you broke off from the group. I had to break up from the group to do my little shopping. Do you have to talk to people about it? Do they have to say, before we dismantle, we must organize? It feels like they're plotting for war every time they're there.

The guy from the Olympics. And women.

Let me see you pose. That's a bow and arrow if I've ever seen one.

No, it looks good.

Oh, target the pointer. Oh, go. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, right. There it is. That's the South Korean woman. She won the gold in the Olympics, right? Amazing.

An San Wan. That's her third gold medal.

Damn, dude. That's got to be so gangster.

Oh my God. By the way. The second guy's worse. When they pause it.

Yeah.

Paiolio. Here we go. Paiolio. Let's see if this guy. John David Paiolio. Try not to laugh, guys. Just thinking about his nurse gig right after this. Oh, no. Yes, sir. Jesus.

I mean, he's like tucking in pain. Look at his face. Oh, my God. How are they so bad?

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We're going to be coming to London and Dublin July 18th and 19th. These are the only two shows we're doing in 2025 together. Yeah.

It's an island. It's an island. It's a chain of islands. It's not Nebraska.

In the sun. Did you ever use sunscreen as a kid? That was not a thing. That's our thing.

So here you are, Jules. Young, single, successful, fresh out of college. What's the next move for you?

Yeah. It's him on the card? It's incredible. We should buy that. Yeah. Can we scratch all our money together to do that? Look at how sick that looks. You got the gold card.

We get it, dude. What is it?

Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.

Right. It's unfair. It's unfair. So the whites get to come and do whatever they want, and you can't come here and do whatever you want. Right.

Well, what's the Philippines' main export?

The Philippines may export electronic products, particularly integrated circuits. Semiconductors.

Okay, and coconut oil. Coconut oil. Copper, nickel, gold. Yeah.

You want to print something? Oh, yeah.

For sure. So what's going to happen to you now that you're single? Are you going to move back? Because you can't stay here. We don't want you here.

No, not with Trump. You can't. Guys, tell her. You can't stay. You need to join OnlyFans to survive. No, shut the fuck up, man.

Okay. Here comes someone in the village. Hi, Rudy. I'm your great-great-great-great-great aunt. And you know me. Do you remember me? I need money. What do you do?

You.

Can I tell you something? Yeah, I love it. This means more than I think you know to me. Why does it? Well, because you don't buy me stuff. Yeah. This is special.

So do you want to, I'm being genuine, do you want to get back into the dating scene or no?

Yeah, the wounds are too fresh.

But when you do get back out, you want to only date women, huh? Not only, but... What kind of woman do you want, though? Do you want, like, a girly girl or, like, a... Girly girl. Girly girl. Right. Like, who's your crush?

Like, what female famous person is your crush?

Is it, like, a girly girl, so it's got to be, like, is it, like, a Margot Robbie?

Who's that?

Isabella Merced. Shut up, Fancy, with the bullshit, with the fucking accent. Isabella Martin.

She is, but is that your style? That's your type? That's what you're looking for?

All right, Fancy, we get it.

You just want to see the sausage.

So now, with women, your favorite kind of woman is like that. Tan, small... Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, yeah. I'm buzzing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you tell?

Happy birthday to you.

Okay, so we saw on Instagram, Bobby went to the Renaissance Fair. First time ever.

38.

What's in there? Is that a sweet green salad?

Damn, dude. Tomatoes.

That's your cake?

Who texted you on your birthday?

He did?

Did he?

Interesting, dude.

Go ahead. Go ahead, fuckhead.

What do you mean you knew it was around?

First time last time, first time first time.

So you didn't know his birthday and you just didn't wish him happy birthday?

Do you have anything to say for yourself?

This is a crew.

Did she?

Nice try.

All about herself.

Oh, fuck off. That doesn't count. Doesn't count.

Who didn't text you for your birthday that hurt you the most? For real. Like, who didn't acknowledge your birthday that actually bothered you? Oh, for real?

Yeah, because as we get older, right, Bob?

As we get older, what are you on, Facebook?

You're waiting until now? We had all night to order food. Literally all night. It's 9 o'clock. It's 9.30.

Yeah.

Okay.

Who didn't text you that bothered you the most?

Why would your ex-wife hit you up?

Well, yeah, but.

Yeah, dude, outside of exes, because that women, that's tough.

Hanny?

What guy, what buddy, what guy friend that you're close with didn't hit you on your birthday that bothers you?

What the fuck are you talking about? Whenever I call Fancy, when he picks up, I go, this is a bad idea. I know. Me too. Hey, Andrew. I'm like, never mind.

What? Shut up, Fancy. Shut up. Honestly, shut up. That was me. Phony. At the fair today. You're at the fair with your friend, Brittany. Yes. And I'm proud of you dressed up.

And the baby's like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I got to tell you, dude, I don't buy this bullshit. You and the baby and the wife. That's not real. That's not real, dude.

The baby or the wife?

So honestly, Carlos, a few people didn't text you. And it's okay. You don't have to call them out. But there's a few people that didn't text you that it bothers you.

Wow.

Holy shit. Does that fuck you up?

Well, let me tell you something. And I'm being honest.

Let's get real for once, yeah. A lot of my friends have kids. There's a thing that happens when you don't have kids where you're not invited. And honestly, I get it. I get it. You don't want to be invited. Dude, shut the fuck up. Honestly, honestly, shut the fuck up.

We're not close like that.

What are you doing, dude?

Yeah. I'll go hunt for kids. I'll go have an egg hunt. Yeah. I'm a fun guy. Not really. Really?

No, but I'm a good uncle. I'm a great uncle, but it's like I'll come over and do the acting. I think people feel bad about inviting us because they're like, you don't have kids. We don't invite you.

And it feels weird. You don't get invited.

Can I tell you something that's crazy? This is nuts. I lotion my nuts every day now because I have eczema, you know? Like, I...

Wait, check this out.

Dude, check this out. I have eczema all over my body.

No, it's not stinky. It's just dry skin.

I had eczema. This is wild. I had eczema all over my body one time. Dry skin. I got eczema on my balls. And the doctor said- And the doctor was like, just fucking lotion up your balls.

But I do lotion my balls. I lotion my balls every day.

Now I over lotion my balls. Yeah, I have pores on my balls that, you know what I mean? No, I'm serious. I over lotion my balls now. Okay. Do you guys put lotion on your nuts? Never.

Why?

Look who's talking.

Wait, why do you ask that?

On your conchita? Don't call that that.

Pussy. What, you got an ingrown hair?

Gross.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to hear about it. It's disgusting, dude. That's disgusting. You know what?

Okay, here's the deal. I'll tell you. Bobby could tell you. Bobby and I both know. The deal with ingrown hairs, you got to use witch hazel. Witch hazel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look up witch hazel. Look, for people at home, witch hazel is a great ingredient you can put on everything. It reduces inflammation. Right, Los? Look it up. There it is. Yep. Tucks cooling pads with witch hazel. This looks nice. Yeah. It protects from irritation, hemorrhoids, and other problems. Tux, man. Yeah.

Right, it's easy. If you're living in Scotland, go to England. And if you're living in Norway, please fly to Dublin. Yeah, yeah, or Poland. In Poland. If you're living in Poland, you probably got to come to our Polish show. We're doing one Polish sausage show. Yeah, yeah. We're not. July 18th and 19th, London and Dublin. Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com.

Piglet. That's a piglet? What's been going on with you, Jules?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. For Jesus. Yeah? Nice try, Jews. You know what I mean?

So who did I go egg hunting with?

And Jon Hamm. Jon Hamm and I had lunch today. Are you being real? No, fuckhead. Do you know Jon? No. Oh, I met him once. You do? Yeah, one time I met him. Time out. Let's be honest. Yeah, yeah. Are you still mad at Carlos or no? Because I feel like there was a lot of tension from last week.

Yeah. Will you come to an NBA game? Yeah. No, you won't. I will. You won't. If you get me tickets. Would you come to a Dodger game? Will you sit in a Dodger game?

Who are these two idiots?

Yes, if you... You know you won't. I've offered you before. I'll sign a contract going, I will go if you go to a run on Suns Fair. Carlos, can I get some help? For real. I've offered you to come to, you don't want to come. You've never offered me.

Have you ever heard him offer me?

No, but seriously, you won't come to an NBA game. I will go. That's what it is. That's an NBA game. Look at the women. That's your NBA.

What did you say?

Oh, wait, wait. Look who we see. On the fourth picture in, look who we see. My boy. My dog. Yeah, that's my dog, dude. James. Did you finish it? Yes.

Ladies and gentlemen, she returns. She has risen. It's Rudy Jules. Yeah. Yeah. She's been away from the show for too long. She's been doing a lot of tiger belly, a lot of belly tiger, a lot of trash Tuesday.

I'll do it.

This guy is so fucking James. Dude, he's the biggest dick. What? He's the coolest guy on the show. I'm the coolest guy. I'm the coolest guy. I'm so sorry. James. I just imagined. James is the man. But is he better than Connor? Connor and James are head to head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me, they're head to head. Here's Connor. Ready? Yeah. She's coming over. Dude, I love that he pauses words.

Shh.

Yeah. Were you mad at me? No, because it was still hot. What a beautiful, you know what? Hot makeup. Now we can talk about it. Now you can. Well, for the fans, it's too late now. You had to watch.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Well, Abby has been making up. Remember, do you remember we ran into Abby at the airport?

We were going to Boston. Where are we going? Boston? Boston?

Would, I would. Abby. Carlos. Carlos. By the way, when he says something perverse, he always goes, it's really low. She's the shit. Carlos, shut up.

You are my mushroom zombie.

By the way, your nose double piercing. That's right. It's looking good. Good for you, dude.

Oh, sorry about that.

You know what I mean. Don't play dumb with me, pal. You disappeared. You became a star on other shows. Am I wrong? Am I wrong? I live with her. Am I wrong?

You don't even take care of his house well.

Yeah, do it.

And they cry at night. But they're not being walked. Because of you. Yeah. Because you're negligent.

Wow.

Yeah, what the fuck? Crazy.

Jules, what's been going on with Jules? Well, you keep asking that, dude. Because she's not around anymore. I know. She left us. Guys.

Did she leave us? She's graduating. No, no. Look at the booth. Did she leave us? Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? She started this show when she was in high school. I know. Senior in high school. I know.

Yes, you did. Don't, don't, don't, don't.

Andreas, dude, we're going to do that show together. It's plausible unless he said he wasn't.

That's not a business dinner.

The hairy part.

Charismatic.

Borderlands reviews.

Two million subscribers.

He doesn't have two million subscribers.

Is that a girl? I don't know. We don't know. Or the girl's dad. We don't know who was filming. But you saw a girl.

Yeah, that's why I only use one last name.

Yeah. Yeah, why?

Well, you have a middle name and we have two last names.

Yeah, this one won't go to ice.

This was an hour ago.

Bob is right.

At least some things never change.

He's having trouble selling the belly room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's having trouble.

I was just kidding, Bobby. No, you're not going.

Today we don't have Carlos because you were so mad at him.

You can come to Spain.

Bobby in Barbados.

No, no, no, no, no. Thanks for all the laughs. You have to wait until January. He's trying to get out of the special.

When you walked in.