Andy Zaltzman

And we have Sir David's own top tens exclusive for the Bugle.

Top ten creatures he most enjoys snooping on whilst they're having sex.

He's got a weird job.

Top ten animals he would like to hunt down, slay with his bare hands and teeth and eat raw if he was an apex predator.

And his top 10 outtakes, which include when he said, what's black and white and red all over?

That fucking zebra.

Jeez, that was a messy one.

Also, when he said, let's be honest, the naked mole rat is the kind of creature that makes you think Darwin was off his fucking chops on the shrooms.

And also famously a bit that I think might have been broadcast on the BBC when he said, personally, I couldn't actually give a shit about dolphins.

Massively overrated for me, the evolutionary indecisive fish mammal mashup and failed mermaid.

Make a choice, you herring bothering losers.

The Darwinian love child of the shark, the jet ski and the Geiger counter.

It is what this country so desperately needed.

Bring back King David.

Yeah, exactly.

He learned from the Queen and didn't try to reach his century in a blaze of glory.

He just patiently ticked off the years.

rather than trying to get there in one shot.

And we also have an exclusive report on Sir David Attenborough's special 100th birthday commemorative event at the Albert Hall last weekend, which featured several of Sir David's co-stars from his long career, including hundreds of the animals who've appeared in his shows.

Sadly, but predictably, it descended into complete chaos, although police in London have now reported that all the major carnivores have now been recaptured, either by the police themselves or by local kebab shops, and that most audience members escaped at worst only slightly nibbled, and we can confirm after the event.