Andy Zaltzman

So, the public-facing side of the state visit was, in many ways, the easy part.

Dress up smart, read the autocue, don't mention the war or the Geoffrey.

The question is, what was said and done behind closed doors?

Now, through the undercover BBC intern in the White House disguised as a houseplant... I'm glad to get some use out of Gary Lineker while he works out his contract.

We have full details of everything that happened away from the cameras.

I've got the details here, in fact.

We do know they played a game of battleships, the new Iran edition.

Big win for Charles, helped by the fact that he had so few ships, they basically couldn't be found, and that all the big dons were crammed into the Strait of Hormuz.

So it was quite an easy win for Charles there.

But can our panellists tell me what Charles and Trump and Melania and Camilla said in private, away from the cameras?

Well, I'll give the points to Ashley for that.

You're basically word for word correct there.

To summarise, King Charles is the second British monarch to address the Congress almost 250 years after America binned off his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather because they viewed him as tyrannical, arrogant, egotistical, lacking in empathy, exploiting America for his own financial enrichment.

So if revenge is a dish best served cold... LAUGHTER ..irony is a dish best served at a five-course state banquet.

LAUGHTER

So, at the end of that round, the scores are six points all.

Vittorio and Ashley, you can have our next question.

By this time next week, we will know the results of what?

The first round of the NBA playoffs.

That is the kind of answer that I like, and it's factually true.