Angela Giarratana

Last night at dinner, I jokingly asked my husband to rate me on a scale from 1 to 10.

I expected him to say something like, you're a 10 to me, because that's what I would have said to him.

What happened next blindsided me.

He looked at me seriously, scanning my face, and said, quote, right now, maybe a 5.

I must have looked shocked because he quickly followed up with, quote, but when you're naked, you're a full 10.

Fuck off.

The damage was already done.

He now insists that it was just a joke.

But I don't believe him.

His tone was serious.

The same tone he uses when he's being brutally honest about other things.

And how do other people see me if my own loving husband rates me as a five?

I know I have low self-esteem, but I never make it anyone else's problem, especially not my husband's.

I don't ask for reassurance or compliments.

I've never asked anyone to rate me before.

This was supposed to be playful.

Now I don't know what to think."

Is he being honest and trying to communicate and I'm just overreacting and need to work on my own insecurities?

Or is this another sign that he doesn't want to love me anymore?

Just like the emotional shutdowns and cold shoulders.