Anna Goldfarb

That's why they sought each other out.

So that's how friendship works.

Okay, choice theory was developed by Dr. William Glasser in the 60s.

And what choice theory says is that we all have five genetic inherent needs of survival, power, love and belonging, freedom, and fun.

And all behavior is our attempt to get those needs met.

And everyone has these needs.

They change minute to minute, and they often conflict with other people's needs.

So when you think about friendship, it could be useful to think, how am I helping my friends meet their needs?

Okay, so if I help my friend watch her kids once a week,

I'm helping with her survival.

I'm helping her so she can take a nap and live her life or go shopping or help her with her life.

She's going to be much more likely to keep me around, reply to my text messages because I'm helping her meet her needs.

But Choice Theory really helped me understand what I can do to keep my friendships close, keep them enduring.

The friendships where I help my friend meet those needs are much more likely to stand the test of time.

I know that with the way our society is, friendships that threaten your primary romantic relationship are the first to go.

So they're much, much harder to maintain, the friendships between genders.

And it's really interesting.

There's not a lot of research on it.

I'm sure your mother or grandmother didn't have a best friend of the opposite gender.

It's very new in our culture.