Anna

Ich stimme.

Ich stimme.

Ich stimme.

Thanks so much.

Thanks so much.

Thanks so much.

Hey, it's Anna. Just a quick warning, there's a bit more swearing in this episode than usual. So if you're listening with kids, maybe wait until later? From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.

Hey, it's Anna. Just a quick warning, there's a bit more swearing in this episode than usual. So if you're listening with kids, maybe wait until later? From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.

Today, I'm talking to marriage and family therapist Terry Real.

Today, I'm talking to marriage and family therapist Terry Real.

This is Terry reenacting one of his marriage counseling sessions.

This is Terry reenacting one of his marriage counseling sessions.

Terry has just asked one of his clients, named Daniel, about the feelings he has during what have become typical but explosive arguments with his wife. Terry asks, if the feelings could talk, what would they say? And Daniel says back, kind of meekly, I try really hard. I try to be a good person. But Terry thinks there's a deeper feeling there that Daniel's not letting onto.

Terry has just asked one of his clients, named Daniel, about the feelings he has during what have become typical but explosive arguments with his wife. Terry asks, if the feelings could talk, what would they say? And Daniel says back, kind of meekly, I try really hard. I try to be a good person. But Terry thinks there's a deeper feeling there that Daniel's not letting onto.

So he says it back to him, only stronger. Fucking bullshit.

So he says it back to him, only stronger. Fucking bullshit.

It's a bit unconventional, but this is something Terry does often. He holds up a kind of emotional mirror to the men that he works with, trying to get them in touch with what's underneath.

It's a bit unconventional, but this is something Terry does often. He holds up a kind of emotional mirror to the men that he works with, trying to get them in touch with what's underneath.

Terry is well known for this direct, confrontational, but still quite loving approach. In this conversation, Daniel actually wrote about it for the New York Times Magazine in a piece called How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me.

Terry is well known for this direct, confrontational, but still quite loving approach. In this conversation, Daniel actually wrote about it for the New York Times Magazine in a piece called How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me.