Anoush Frunjan

But as the wedding got closer and closer, I had to start coming to terms with a couple of things and admitting some things to myself.

Like, I don't think I can get married in a converted barn.

I need to get married at Holy Martyrs in Bayside, New York, with a priest with a beard and a nose who's going to put gold crowns on our heads and where the best man will hold a cross over us and where we'll exit the church to the sound of celebratory Armenian hymns with the accompaniment of cymbals, which is offered as an option.

In addition...

After which our family will dance in circles for hours and hours and hours.

And when I asked Justin, his reaction was, sure, yeah, just let me know where I gotta be.

Because he's kind and decent, but he also didn't know what he was getting himself into.

I mean, this is...

This is the Armenian church we're talking about here.

It's old-fashioned.

It's sexist.

And it's Christian, but like the old kind of Christian.

Like the kind that's dark and smoky and all the men have beards like Frank Zappa.

And when they hold that little cross out to you, you're going to have to kiss that thing.

And...

And Justin says, what, am I gonna have to get baptized for this?

And I said, no, no, God, he's scared already.

I said, no, no, no, because you've probably been baptized before, right?

And he said, I don't think so.

And he says, because his family, religion wasn't a part of his childhood.