Apostate Prophet

And life feels better that way if we live in a functioning society.

But there were always times when I would feel a little bit depressed and I thought to myself, what really keeps me here?

What really prevents me from giving up hope and throwing it all away?

Nothing.

There's really no reason to continue existing.

There's really no reason to go on.

Sure.

If I die right now, maybe some people around me will feel sad about it and all that, but what does it really matter?

In a few generations, nobody will remember this.

Nobody will remember them.

Their feelings and my feelings will not matter.

All of it is just a giant universe without any meaning.

All of it will at some point cease existing.

None of it will matter.

This whole cycle and trajectory of pointlessness and emptiness always made me feel – it made it difficult –

It made it difficult to go on.

And I always thought that it's wild to accept that I live in a pointless, meaningless world, that there is no real point to my existence except that I just popped up and exist in this world, but that I always have this tendency to seek meaning and to find meaning and to look for meaning.

I always thought that my mind is the best thing there is, that I should always trust my mind and only go for something if I know for 100% that it is true.

But I couldn't go on like that forever.

I did find that there is very good evidence that Christianity is true.