Arasha Lalani

Yeah.

Yeah, which is why I think it's maybe why she felt the need to say something right then and there. Yeah, totally. Because I feel like she definitely did the right thing, obviously, by standing up for herself. But what's tricky is maybe her bringing it up in front of the family, which in this context is funny and is like, yes, go off.

But I think in that situation, if you truly are a partnership with whoever this person is, right, in this case, your boyfriend, it feels like there's a little bit of an exchange of like, oh, we're going to talk about this later. Yeah, fair. And later being like, hey, what was that? Like, what's going on? Or a brief beforehand of like, hey, my family doesn't know this yet.

I'm really ashamed of this. Can we maybe bring this up? Or can we maybe avoid talking this? Like, there just needs to be like an alliance. And that's clearly missing. And he was kind of dumb to just expect that this would come up.

Right.

They were funny. That was a mess. And people who only saw the first half didn't even know where we went toward the end. So they were like, this was just a normal video. Yeah. Watch till the end, people. Watch till the end.

Amanda...

She really reads as, like, just incredibly independent to me. Yeah. Right? Like, the way that she has laid out him being in this, like, cramped apartment, not a nice area, and he's not really, like, in a rush to move. Yeah. And she's like, I want to move forward. I'm ready for the next step. I'm doing it with or without you. Here, I've done it. Now, almost, like, just letting him be a part of this.

And she has kind of taken that, like, dominance, which she seems to be fine with. Like this is the plan that she has executed and it's fine, but he's clearly not fine with it. He doesn't want that narrative. He's like, you make more money than me. My family can't know this. He's like lying about it to cover it up.

The only sad part about that is that you are insecure. Yeah.

She's like, fuck it. I bought real estate. Move in.

That's it.

Right. He gave her a look.

Which would have been easier.

The younger brother.

He's like, I want a game. Yeah.

Yeah, what I disagree with that take is definitely like, it certainly does matter, the verbiage of who bought the house, who did this, like, because what the family is saying is true in that purchasing your own house at 26, massive. Really impressive.

But give it to the woman who actually did that. Yeah. Not this man who's claiming it.

Yours? I feel like it has to be romantic based. It definitely has to be like a person that they're hiding, someone that they've been seeing.

Which is maybe where... Matt gets that, right? That's his family. So maybe his family instilled those values and virtues in him.

Totally. Again, not to completely drag Matt, I think he just needs some growth, and he also just kind of needs to learn his place in his family, in his life, in his world. But for OP, I think she deserves a man that's gonna be like, my awesome fucking girlfriend who bought a house and is making a lot of money and is awesome and is actually worthy of that title.

That you agree with me. Yeah. Oh, like they're cheating. They're cheating. Okay.

I think far too many women date men or marry men that aren't proud to be their partner and instead are like, oh my God, everything that they're doing, I'm actually jealous of and insecure of and I want to pull them down. Yeah, that sucks.

You wanna be in competition with your partner? Then they don't truly love you. They're actually just like, I want us to be together, or this relationship is something that I want, but I'm not actually like, I don't love you. I don't want you to be happy, because those things are obviously great things to attach to your partner, Otherwise.

Or like they're not studying what they told their parents that they were.

Update.

That's a thing. That's a thing.

Right. Matt's going to go back home, though, and his parents are going to be like, she's a bitch.

Yeah. How did he find out that it was paid through the staff group pay? It was like, we got paid!

For two days. And free food vouchers.

Also, he didn't know it was paid.

No. This is the problem with so many of these situations is people just make assumptions before asking. Yeah. Of like, hey, did you end up finding out that it was paid? Or what happened there? Instead of just being like, so you set me up.

He's just trying to make enemies.

Yeah. I don't know. He's definitely being clouded by this need for finance, that he's like, I needed money, and you didn't let me do this opportunity. I'm desperate for it. And that's getting in the way of his judgment. He was home just looking at IG, and he was like,

Damn him. Get off ID. Go volunteer, man.

Yeah, I think what you have to do is evaluate these events not just by money, but what other forms of currency are you going to get? Exposure, publicity, contacts. Those are also big things that if you just go into these events or jobs in general, just thinking, how much money am I making per hour?

Ultimately, you're not going to get very far in life because there's a lot more that's actually going to pay you.

Yeah, it just, that's going off of the assumption that, like, OP is thinking about his friend at all times. Yeah. Which you aren't. He's working. He's working. He's doing his thing, and he's like, oh, sweet, cash. Like, I'm not thinking about everybody that I've ever known who needs money and could show up right this second. Right.

I don't know, actually, being clued into that made me think, like, maybe they are closer if they are talking so much and, like, they're, yeah, texting every day, seemingly, or, like, he's at this event and he's like, hey, how's it going? Like, maybe they do have regular conversation?

Yeah, yeah, then that's a little sus.

Totally, being like, you set me up.

Yeah, there's more needed in terms of level of friendship and also, I would say, how much OP has heard about this financial situation. If they really have been having deeper conversations about it and he's constantly been like, hey, if you have any work that might come up, let me know. I'm really trying to look for some money. I'm strapped.

Right, the way that it read at first was more of like a casual, like, hey, how's it going? You set me up.

And it's like, that probably wasn't it then. Yeah.

Ryan, man.

Yeah, he could go on a reality show and make some money. That's so true.

Right? Don't they make so much money on this? You would slay on a reality show.

Can you imagine? Like, give it up. Can you imagine it? I mean, everyone with an allergy, am I right? Just own a cat and get a spoon of peanut butter already. Get out of here. What do we think it is?

I'm going to go with cats. I think people.

You gotta back up.

No means no.

Yeah. Stop it. Yeah.

Do you not agree? What's happening here? I just feel like I'm mad that he didn't take the sip of the peanut butter smoothie in the beginning.

No, no, I won't push my smoothie.

They're fucking delicious. So I'm over here like the lie is that he's going, I love peanut butter, but he's not taking a sip of this peanut butter smoothie. Yeah, he messed up.

Yeah. Well, do you guys think it would be embarrassing if he was just like, hey, I have to admit, this is where this lie came from.

Yeah, I think this is.

Right. I think he just let it spiral too much. I think he should have corrected it right at the beginning.

It should have been a more immediate, like, hey, I accidentally just said this in the moment, but I actually didn't mean it.

Yeah.

Yeah, this is this is tough because it's like I feel like reading hearing that story. It made me be like, OK, yes, because there's a big difference between lies and pranks. And in this case, you're fully just lying like this. He doesn't really have an like a set date to be like, hey, this is the truth. And this is going to come out. And this was all for fun.

Yeah, exactly. Like, you blurt out things sometimes, and then it's like, oh, shit, I shouldn't have said that. But then he doubled down and then tripled down, and six years later, he is here.

That kind of feels almost like the first story where it's like, if you just, if he just like completed college and got his diploma, then it's almost like a technicality of now everything is true where you did graduate from college now, but earlier lies still persist. Same with the peanut butter allergy. Now the truth is out that you are not allergic, but they think anymore.

Yeah. These are my cousins, Creamy and Crunchy.

You need to talk to Aaron Dougal about this. Like, once a week, I would be like, I'm not fucking falling for this shit.

It's just kind of crazy that all of the solutions are like, this is practically the best thing to do is to lie again to get out of all of it instead of being like, confess, you know? I think it's too late.

Which is crazy.

This is actually just like living in a lie.

That's what happens. Don't lie.

Agreed.

I think he'd be really disappointed. That's karma.

Which, for the record, I would never do.

Yeah, I feel like you gotta think ahead when you lie and make sure that it's not gonna be something that haunts you or puts you in a bad box for later. Like, I feel like- Like Marvel movie. Right, right, exactly. That's a genius lie.

It's like, if you lied about the peanut butter smoothie, later, if it comes up one more time and you're around other people, then it's like, oh no, I wasn't referring to the peanut butter, I was referring to the cocoa powder. Just like, I don't know, switch it up. I feel like- You can never have hot cocoa ever again.

My parents don't know I work here. Could you imagine?

Put it under the sink? Maybe he just tells her. Like what if it's like, hey, let me let you in on something.

Let me show you something. She's like, okay, don't murder me. And it's like his peanut butter room.

They're like, hey, how's the hospital today? I'm like, it's going great. Dr. Arasha. Dr. Arasha.

Ooh.

Okay.

We love Morgan.

I'm like in the corner. I'm like, yes.

Fuck this man. This is devastating.

Oh, it's so bold right here. Damn. And that sucks that he's just like, let's do counseling, babe. What the fuck? No, man. You need counseling. You need personal counseling away from everybody.

Why? What are you thinking, man?

That actually makes no sense. Like, there's nothing I want to advocate for with this man.

He's not even sorry. I don't even think he's sorry. No, this affair has been happening for two years. He possibly has another child with this woman. And he's been married for almost 20 years. Yeah, that's crazy. That's insane. Yeah.

That's actually psychotic of him to do.

Like, what's the long-term plan here, you know? Is it, like, was he actually just like, I'll just. Gonna ever end it? Right, like, I'll just do this for all of time, and when it comes, I'll just be able to keep her in my life, too.

But like you said, I think the incentive here, the motivation is like, which one is worse, the guilt or the shame?

And that's just like... It's like cheating is such a betrayal on so many levels, but to actually... truly never see it coming in the fact that you're like, I'm committed to this man, I've been married, we have a kid who's almost 18. It's just like, that is the cherry on top of all this unpredictability.

Yeah, and also just the lousy cover-up of like, oh, you can't come to work because of COVID. And she's like, it's 2025.

Oh, totally.

Yep. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like, you're right. It's not her fault. But I can totally see her, like, reflecting and being like, I knew something was up and I didn't follow through on that. Again, not her fault.

But that's just like the natural human thing to do to be like, I should have known. I should have said something. Like she's clearly obviously going through a lot of grief and loss over this marriage and everything. I can just already also see that as a layer that she's also experiencing.

Yeah.

I think you have a great point of, like, he kind of already had this other woman in terms of his wife. He's like, oh, we're in a committed marriage. She's not going anywhere. I have this kid. They already love me. Now that I have an affair and a new kid, I need to prove to them that I'm going to show up for them. So I'm going to get this tattoo because that's what they need.

They need to just not find out about them.

Yeah, definitely.

See, I think for me, it's kind of like, if I get a tattoo on my body, it's not necessarily important for me to... that this means something for the whole rest of my life. It's more just like, even if this just represents the time that I got this tattoo and I was happy about it then, I can just look back and be like, that version of me is really happy with this, and so I'm gonna honor that version.

This is This is scarily close. Devastating. Yeah.

Yeah, this is fine. No, this, it's actually, I'm so glad that you said that. There's like a, there's a Bollywood movie that there is a line in it, and it's, it's, Whoa! Nice. Which means, which means, Love that, I understand. That was hot. Yeah, you guys got that? Did you like that? Got it. It means, like, it roughly translates to like, if the lie is going to make someone happy, it's not a lie.

Which is complete bullshit.

Yeah. But it's truly like in that movie, it's just full of flooding people with lies to protect them. Wow. It's constantly just like, oh, no, no, no, I'm lying because, you know, I don't want you to be hurt by that. It's a white lie.

You didn't finish it? No, no, I didn't.

Yeah, I don't know, I turned it off. No, it's definitely, like, they go through with that being the full message. Okay. And it's like, this is a story that in a weird way kind of reinforces that, where it's like, you aren't really harming anybody except for Jake and his business, maybe. Jake's bakery. Yeah.

Yeah, I think you have to evaluate who is being harmed. Is there anybody that is going to be hurt should the truth come out? Is the lie itself hurting people? Are you getting people's emotions involved? Are you going to feel guilty? Like, truly doing an all-around, like, check-in.

I really like that language of it is a lie, but it's a good lie. Or it's a lie for good in that way. But don't call it not a lie, you know? So again, the Bollywood movie's very wrong.

All my lies are good.

Guys, think about it. I got everybody donuts that day.

Yeah, but I watched you be upset that day, and I was like... Yeah, that part was bad.

But we got closer. We actually did. And so now, I'm a good person.

But the systems in place, I think, are set up in not only going to a big university and having sort of this big college experience, but I feel like these days, too, from middle school, you're expected to pick a track. And those are the courses that you'll take that will eventually lead up to your career. And the reality is that you don't actually know what you want to do until after college.

I pitched it first. Jesus. I was like, I will do that.

Okay, these are so sweet. So positive.

I thought people were going to tear him a new one.

Yeah.

I also feel like I haven't shown anybody my degree. Like, nobody has ever seen my diploma.

You have a journalism degree, right?

No, it's hard. Yeah. It's hard, but it's fun. Are you retired? I'm done now.

Let's go back to the... It was very boring, actually. Can we go back to the huge Indian man? Like, he was, like, physically this large?

I'm done.

Yeah.

I mean, lying is essentially for other people, right? So that you can kind of twist other people's thoughts. You know the truth. What's happening here?

Never again. Okay.

Just with holding hands.

Just hands. All right, well, I'll just, I'll have this here whenever you want.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Who bought it? Yeah. Who's your mommy?

Girl boss.

Good. Put his ass on the line. Yeah.

Sam's like, Bill, I mean, Amy. Amy, you're Amy. Amy, sorry. No, that's your mom. Shit.

What? There's more?

All right, let's hear it.

What did she order? She had, like, tears streaming down her eyes, and she was like, crunch rubs of cream. Yeah, like, how did she do that?

And then ran and then went home and typed on Reddit. This is all of them.

Three months though and they're in love. Why'd he say he was a doctor though?

I'll mop the floors because I can. The name tag says, like, Bus Boyd. He's like, oh, it's an old one.

Oh, shit. He's like, I was just so ashamed I didn't know how to tell you.

I save people for my job.

He's like, sorry, babe, we said just sex. Just sex.

Oh, girly, that better be the benefits. Yeah.

Yeah, that sucks. I hated that. That was gross. That was pretty gross.

The waiter was like, where are they?

WTF AI?

Those are our middle names.

I'm sorry. Ten years ago? Okay. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no. Love that.

Can't wait.

And she goes, one second, and runs out the door. And then she goes, oh, no.

Ja, es ist klar für mich, dass es eine Hypersensitivität gibt, dass sie Fotos nimmt. Und wir wissen nicht, wo das herkommt, aber sie findet deutlich großen Wert und Bedeutung in diesem. Und dafür verstehe ich.

Es gibt Momente, in denen die Emotionen hoch sind. Und es ist so, warte, ich bin vielleicht bedroht oder ein bisschen besorgt. Aber dann genau das, das Gefühl, warte, wenn sie tatsächlich interessiert sind in jemand anderen oder wenn sie sogar so weit gehen, um sie zu folgen, gibt es wirklich nichts, was ich tun kann,

Sie hat es gesagt. Sie hat darüber gesprochen, dass er die ganze Nacht aufsteht, um sie zu sehen, wie er es manchmal macht. Ich bin so, das ist unglaublich.

Aber ich denke, ich kann empathisch sein, dass es so wichtig für sie ist. Es scheint dumm zu sein, dass ich ihn nur für Fotos von uns möchte. Ja, ich denke...

Rooted in that sort of bitterness and resentment of not having the photos.

And it's a quick passing thought.

No, not the selfies, those aren't enough.

I don't know about this quality being better.

Grandma was like, I think it'll work.

I forgot it was jealousy, so you're absolutely right. Good one, Shane. Hey, that's why you're in that seat.

I think so. Or just outside of romantic relationships.

Yes. It's like you think you're gonna have this huge impact because of your feelings. It's like when you're mad at someone and you just kind of shut down. You're like, you don't actually deserve my personality anymore. And it's like, you're just doing that to yourself. And now you're just upset. And everyone else is kind of like, what's going on with you?

Ich denke, das ist großartig. Das war perfekt. Ich denke, sie ist valid. Ja. In dem, was sie fühlt. Und ich denke, es sind verschiedene Prioritäten. Ich bin so froh, dass sie diese Konversation hatten. Das klingt wie ein wirklich schmerzhafter und produktiver Moment für sie.

And grandma didn't succeed.

Oh, that's what she wants.

He has not.

Ja.

No, she's a jealous hag.

You didn't need hag, but sorry, she was being a jealous hag.

I was getting pissy though.

Sie sind unvermeidbare Gegner. Das war ein Kompliment.

Ich wollte nur sagen, dass es schön ist.

And sorry, was life a rom-com and now it's not because it's 2024?

Weil sie, sie kann nicht mal eine Geburtstagskarte bekommen, ist was sie gesagt hat.

Oh, verdammt. Sie ist 100% verletzt und ja, vielleicht nicht ein Hacker, aber 100% verletzt.

100%.

Oh, I was assuming younger. Because she was acting like a hag.

Besonders mit Schwestern.

It certainly seems like a quick response, right? She was obviously just reacting out of anger. Of course. Because clearly her sister threw the first punch, so to speak. She immediately saw this basket. What I'm getting from it is that she was like, oh my gosh. I wish my husband would do something like this. He would never.

And is sort of like, well, I need to protect myself and convince myself that this isn't what I want by being like, ew, who would want this? And bring her sister down, which affected her sister, obviously, and made her be like, why aren't you supporting me, you pissy, jealous hag? Yeah. and jumped in there and kind of attacked her like that. And clearly it seems like she's not a bad person.

She's like feeling regret for saying that stuff.

But she was being jealous and I think she did deserve to be called out on that front.

Ja.

That's so sweet.

Yeah, please say update.

Well, I want to know if the sister's like, bitch, and coming back, you know?

That's juicy.

Because he's the Easter Bunny. He has Easter to think about.

Bet you didn't think about that?

I'm very much in.

Yeah.

You have Courtney.

It could be that. Almost like a sort of protectiveness in a way. Or anger off of whatever happened between their relationship. I am suspecting that a lot of these stories are going to be Oh, total. Ja. Ja. The ex-wife has found happiness, she's not happy with it and is reacting in some sort of way of like, no, she can't have this.

Yeah. The new one?

Yeah, unfortunately, this is a little obvious.

Unhinged behavior. And it just continued to get worse. The gaslighting, the being like, well, it was a test, it was a prank, I actually just needed to make sure because I'd been cheated on.

Or anything.

Find something to do, girl.

Big ick.

And it's like, what was best case scenario?

Well, that too. Now she's given, she's distributed her trust issues. Now this man also is gonna have to face some of that, you know?

But be kind. That's it.

Skank ist viel schlimmer als Hagg. Wir sind Theresa und Nemo und deshalb sind wir zu Shopify gewechselt.

Yeah.

He said that, he said that up there, that she had shown signs of jealousy, but he was like, well, I'm wanted. And that's valid, that's fair. But it just could orchestrate into something bigger and messier.

Yeah, right. Exactly.

Gosh.

That doesn't feel right.

Okay, jetzt das.

Ja.

We see that you're liking your edits.

You've created the edit and then you go to another account to like it.

Courtney's like, I made that one actually.

Yeah, and you fell for the trap.

And I love the point of the husband being happy because his kids are gonna get another great figure in their life. That makes so much sense. But she, for some reason, isn't able to see that because she's caught up in her own tiff with this ex-wife, who, again, there's definitely a lot of context missing.

Sister-in-law?

OP's husband has a sister and that sister is calling her brother, who's the OP's husband, a nickname.

I'm with you.

Pookie.

Oh.

They'd be pretty rough. Maybe Babe.

Oh, Daddy at all would be creepy.

I think there's just clearly, there's just discomfort, there's jealousy, there's just weirdness around it. Maybe she just genuinely is like, finding that nickname icky and is just like, I don't want to hear that, but it's just like, you're not involved in that relationship just because you're married to him. That's weird, being like, you can't call him that. That's his sister.

Yeah, it's a type of control that's really intense.

Yeah, and again, it's like, for me, since they're siblings, it just seems so clear to be like, there's obviously nothing going on.

Ja. Warum? Ich glaube, wenn es von, wie wieder, das ist, warum ich dachte, wie, Baby, wie, wenn deine Freunde sie nennen, wie, meistens romantische Namen, dann ist es vielleicht so, hey, wie, vielleicht ist das für mich reserviert, weißt du?

Also, Rosh.

Aber dann, wenn mein Partner gesagt hätte, hey, nenn sie nicht das.

Genau.

Call her Skank. Yeah, please.

Alle sind so, no, you killed her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely odd, but I will give her credit for... being open and clearly, quickly being like, you know what, you're right, I'm the asshole. I mean, she asked and she's not upset at the end.

It's all the bubbies, they've gathered.

Also vielleicht sind sie falsch. Ich würde einfach versuchen, dass diese Frau versteht, dass sie nur diese kleine Person hier ist und dass es eine ganze Welt gibt.

Ich meine, ich würde es nicht sagen.

Like, she's like, oh my god, everything that happens around me has to do with me.

Totally, totally.

Ja. Ja. Ja.

It's clearly just mommy-daddy issues and she's like, oh my god, this four-year-old's cuter than me.

Ich denke, es ist nur, was mich hier verwirrt, was mich hier verwirrt, ist, dass diese Leute, sie schreiben diese Posts und können nicht sagen, warte, das ist eine Metapher für das, was ich in Therapie tun muss. Stattdessen sind sie so, warum besorge ich mich über die Satz, die meine Eltern gesagt haben? Und jeder andere muss sagen, Hey honey, and walk them to what it actually means.

That's really concerning.

Yeah, so she's maybe just like overly considerate in a way.

Right, and it's manifesting in a way of her thinking exactly what you said. It's a great point of like so often we get caught in a cycle of like this is how I think and therefore every human around me thinks the exact same way. And it almost goes back to the story with the photos, right? The wife is like, well, I think that photos are important and I need to have them with my daughter.

My husband definitely thinks that too. And so therefore him not taking photos with me is intentional, right? Und es ist so, dass wir alle so anders denken. Man kann das nicht wahrnehmen.

Oh, ich will nur lesen.

Sie hat verurteilt, dass sie falsch war. Das ist nicht so.

I want to hurt myself. Tell me how you guys met. And it's like, it hurts, but I want to know. I get that. So I think for me, it's in a way kind of like a guilty pleasure thing. I don't think I obsess over it in that way, because I also try to just be like, that was a different time and space. And almost everybody has exes.

Some, most.

And enough said. Your parents probably didn't know what was gonna happen.

Ich bin froh, dass sie auch die Behandlung akzeptiert hat, was dich in den Am I the Devil Club bringt.

Und Leid.

Ich denke, ich habe etwas gelernt.

Weißt du nicht? Ja, ich weiß es nicht. Aber ich fühle es.

Das ist großartig.

Bye.

And so when I put myself in the shoes of my partner and I think of my ex, I'm just kind of like, wait, there's no competition there. I'm not thinking about my ex like that.

I bet she thinks of the kids a lot in the way of like, that's a leg up that that woman has on me.

But that makes so much sense. It began as this chase of like, oh, I need him to choose me outside of his marriage. And now that he's done that, there's this, again, whole story that she's built up in her head.

What? Yeah, I think I've got it.

Das macht mich wirklich wütend, dass sie endlich gesagt hat, okay, Mama, hier, nimm das Foto. Und die Mama nimmt es zurück und sagt, es ist ein Video.

Yeah.

Two ho-ho-hos.

Yeah.

Right, right.

Right.

Oh.

Oh.

Only in Ohio, I guess.

Yeah, so go home.

Uh-uh.

Yeah.

Yay! Let's freaking go.

Why, why?

Oh my God.

That's really scary.

She turned around and she was like, damn it.

Hey, happy holidays.

No, I love it, I love it.

Ho, ho, ho.

Yeah.

That's true.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It already was bad, but then hearing that it was cat food I think just made it a hundred times worse.

Yeah, I would never, no.

Like in the bathroom mirror.

Like next to it.

Oh my god. I don't know how massive this hog is. It's just like curled around. Wow. Just coiled. Just wrapped it down the drain and pulled it back up.

Just being like, oh. And you're like fully naked on the toilet.

Boom!

Damn! See? Damn! She said, nuts!

Yeah. Yeah, dude. I love that.

Wow.

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

No, it's a good thing the cops were there.

Yeah, now I made her.

Now this is so embarrassing.

To whoever your date is.

What happened?

We were just talking about that yesterday. Yeah.

They're gonna think something else if you reach over to your one-night stand and say, nuts?

It's gonna be nuts, dude. Thanks for having me here, guys.

That is rough.

Dry dog food, I definitely. Maybe you thought we were going to come in and be like, yeah, you too. We all did that, right? Yeah, no.

Yeah.

Call them out. Call those cats out.

That was probably one of the best moments of yeet it or yeet it.

As far as writing stories go, this seems like one of the most mature relationships between two people that I've ever heard.

It's just very consensual, communicative. They're on the same page, even though they're broken up. Totally.

And you're like, hey, if this relationship thing didn't work out, do you want to go out with me, I guess? Literally.

I love going to Barnes & Noble and reading erotica. People probably do it. People probably do it.

You can put a million books on there. Like, I could totally see him like, oh, you know, the book came out, he bought a copy for his Kindle, and then it's just like, if it wasn't like the recently read, like 37% through. Reread 50 times yesterday? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little weird, but it's like, if there's just a book on the Kindle, I'm like, okay. Yeah.

Didn't she say she wrote under an alias, though?

That's like a weird line, yeah, because it's not...

I think it's also because he is still friends with the ex that wrote it. I think if they had had a split or something where they're like, hey, this is mutual and they never spoke again, it would be, I think that there's a reasonable amount of him being like, okay, I'm just gonna forget that that happened. I know that it's out there, like it's in the past.

But because it's with an ex that he is still friends with and talking to, I think I understand the idea of him wanting to communicate that and be open about it.

That's absurd. I feel like that's the answer you'd wanna hear. Anytime it's like, dude, would you still love me if I was a worm? And it's like, I'd make a little home for you of dirt in my house. That's a great, he's like, I'd care for you, I'd water you every day. That's very sweet.

Yeah. You just basically... You signed it. He's saying it as a joke. That is a terrible joke. It's like if you're saying that and he's saying that in earnest, that's a terrible way to do it. But he's being honest. But the fact that he's like, oh, did I just ruin my marriage? marriage? Yikes. And it's like, come on, man.

Right. Yeah, I feel like there's obvious, like, he got a big raise. And from what he said, it's like, hey, like, we're steady now. Like, he's like, we're not being able to save as much or put as much as we want into a 401k. But I feel like if I'm in that situation, it's like, okay, like, we can take a breath of fresh air.

And, like, they can wait a bit and then maybe have a conversation again about, like, okay. Because she said, like, hey, like, let's maybe see where it goes with my job.

And I think it's very reasonable to be like, okay, we'll give it a few months, give it however long, and if it still is a position where we need to be making more money or we'd like to be making more money and that's not gonna happen, then they can have that conversation again versus him being very snarky and like, hey, I got my raise, but that doesn't mean that you can stop looking.

And I feel like the risk of her potentially leaving a job that she really loves to maybe get paid a little bit more money but be in a potentially miserable situation or a thing that she doesn't love... I would never want that for my partner. I would never want someone to put themselves in a worse position where they're less happy. I mean, it's your job.

It's how you're spending so much of your time. You're 40 hours a week. If that's something that you're not loving doing, that's not gonna help. You have more money, but that's not gonna help the relationship.

It also seems like something that could have been brought up, like, previously, if this was something that she had an issue with. She seems like this nonchalant, she's like, I just think you could take me a little bit more seriously. That seems like a pretty reasonable conversation to have before you get married to someone. Right.

Well, at least he had his moment of clarity and didn't double down on being like, no, I don't understand why she's overreacting.

And I rewrote the statement and didn't see how fucked up it was.

Yeah. It is unfortunate. Like, financial things like that, they do happen, and they can be no one's fault. And it's like... it's hard and the most important thing is that you take it on together and you communicate about it. God, I mean, Raven and I, Osito, our dog, got attacked and almost got killed by another dog.

Yeah, if we're ever ex-friends, then that would make me sad.

And we had, and this was months ago, we had some crazy vet bills that we weren't prepared for. It was an expensive thing and it was hard, but it was like, okay, we're just gonna come at this together, we're gonna figure it out, we're gonna plan for it, and it's a hard thing to do. But yeah, you just have to be on the same team.

What an insane, unfortunate, like really tragic coincidence. Like that? Oh.

Oh, my God.

Literally, I have no clue what you do. As OP in this situation, I have no clue how you bring that up in an earnest way to be like, hey, do you think that I murdered your ass?

Yeah, I could see, like, I mean, that's gotta be a really jarring thing to go back to something from seven years ago, to be transported back in time, essentially, and seeing this person be like, oh my god, like, a former ex, potentially, like, wanting to, like, reconnect with this person in a way, and then having that, like, really jarring, tragic event, like, I could see how for her, that could just be, like, a mortality, like, what if that happened to me?

Like, what if I'm the person, like, someone that I knew and that I just saw died, like... that's gotta be a really shocking and scary thing. And so maybe it is just like a weird, like you said, like a weird grief, like coping. She could just be in a really weird head space about it.

It's like, update, guys, I actually did murder him.

Like, hey, I actually still have your jacket if you wanted it back. So,

And, well, most of our plants here are plastic.

And the parents are like the Try Guys or something. Shit.

That is so, I mean, that's just the plot of like a crazy rom-com.

It's like this is so, what do you do?

And it's clear that he's also still very connected to Nicole. Even though he set a boundary, which is like, I'm still, I care about your parents and your family, and I want to see them, but I don't want them to talk to me about you. That is a boundary that he set, but he's still seeing her parents and sister on a regular basis. And I don't believe that Michelle didn't know about that.

You know, that that's like something that's secret from her. Like I'm sure Michelle knows like, oh yeah, he's still like, you know, with his ex or like sees her family and she's probably comfortable and fine with that.

Yeah. That's crazy. That's a crazy layer. It could be. But yeah, I don't know. I think so. That's why, yeah, when she said like, or when he said that she probably just told me to go do it, like that's why I interpreted it as like she probably would hear that and be like, yeah, that makes sense. Like you should go do that.

I'm curious if she also, or if he asks the parents, please don't talk to me. or talk about me to your daughter. Or if she, when talking to her parents, if they were kind of giving her updates on him or something like that.

What? He waited two years. We got a one day and then a two year?

Dude, the happiest ending.

X kisses and hugs, I think. I think the O's are hugs. The O's are hugs. So you have to kiss me, you have to hug Arasha.

Okay.

I think you should kiss and hug me just to be safe.

And I get that. I feel like in relationships that I've been in the past that maybe I hadn't fully realized that I didn't want to be in yet. There are those little things that, yeah, to somebody else or on the outside in a situation wouldn't be weird, but that do kind of trigger something in the back of your head that you might not realize. It's like, oh, I don't want to be with this person.

That little annoyance. But this is just the turbo extreme version of that that has been built up over a crazy long period of time. Yeah.

But that's not how photosynthesis works. I don't think that's how photosynthesis works.

That's probably why she wants a divorce because he doesn't know what photosynthesis is.

I mean, this is... It seems like she went to really great lengths to be like, it doesn't resemble him in appearance or personality. There's nothing tied to it that could trace it back to him at all. It's probably just sex things they did. And it's like, you could get sex things from anywhere.

It's true, man. It's just probably easier for her to write about things that she's personally experienced and it feels like such a crazy thing if he is just fine with it. Yeah.

I do totally get it. I think that's something that would make me uncomfortable, just as far as where my insecurities are. But it is really a conversation, yeah, that you have with your partner and not with the person, with OP.

Yes, this is my lover.

A troll? Like, girl, you got clear skin, banging bod, and somehow you bagged this guy? Like, obviously you're attractive.

I mean, it certainly, from my end, it feels like it comes from just pure insecurity. Oh, absolutely. Of him, like, immediately being like, oh, whoa. Yeah, you're right. You're not even attractive enough. And then he, like, went to his room, locked the door. Sorry. Like a little boy. Like a little man child. And then in the morning is like, bye, babe. Sorry. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I don't like it.

I'm for some reason going downward.

he kind of brought up the attraction thing kind of out of nowhere, right? Because it was like these messages and he was saying that he was flirting and whatever. And then out of nowhere it was like, well, yeah, you're not even attractive enough to cheat on me. So it seems like that is the only thing on his mind, is appearance.

Which is perhaps why he felt like he was a part of this relationship, so that he could feel superior to her. True.

How you kind of behave after that, too. Like, you can apologize, but, like, locking somebody out of the room and kind of that kind of behavior, it's like you might be able to be like, ah, sorry, like, my bad. I was in a different headspace or whatever. Right. But the other person is going to remember that. Right. Exactly. They are not going to forget how you made them feel. Right.

Yes.

It feels like a form of gaslighting. Yeah, exactly. Where it's like, was I not there? Did I make that up? Was I maybe half asleep? Like, did I misinterpret these messages? Like, it makes you question everything that happened for yourself.

Yes, yes. It betrays that, like, safety, that sense of, like, I trust you to tell me when things are... are real or when I'm off or when something is off and now no longer.

Yeah.

Talk about a mattress baguette.

Seriously. I think we're gonna get something going here.

Yeah, and if not in a relationship, like in high school on a test.

Wow.

You guys not?

Yeah. Nobody hooks up over LinkedIn.

Yeah.

That's a bummer, too, because I was hoping, like, when I first was listening to the story, I was like, oh, it seems like, obviously, he thinks she's very beautiful. He is very attracted to her. He's married to her. Right, but it's clear that it's actually just a power dynamic, and he wants it that way to where he feels more attractive than her.

So we should comment. As a therapist, send pic.

Send pic.

What were you calculating?

I mean, that's implying that it's one condom per session, if you know what I mean.

He's busting them out. He's putting them on his nipples.

And then he's like, I never did that.

No.

Right. There's so many things that are insane with it, but we simply have to talk about why she declared that as low libido.

He's forgetting how many cocks he's got.

That's what I'm saying. And I think that that's what I'm saying.

That's fine, you can be dumb.

No, no, he's toxic dumb.

That's so funny. He's like, babe, meet me at this hotel. And she's like, one sec, I gotta go to the bowl.

But... That's a wild assumption to draw just because you ran out of condoms.

Like, it's like, it feels like there has to be something deeper that he is upset about. Or, like, could it be that he has been suspecting that she's cheating and he's choosing to relay it through it?

Right. Listen, if they didn't want it, they wouldn't put those desks right next to each other. That's so great.

Yeah, I don't like it.

No. And pester, too? Uh-uh. Pester. Like, clearly, if there's an issue, just kind of, like, there's another way to navigate that, but not being like, hey, hey, me.

What? Huh? Yeah. People do that?

Great. So they like write it on their arms?

Absolutely. Okay.

I'm ready.

Yep. Sir. Sir. Too late. It's already done.

And he's also like, he's also framing this being like, well, I stopped halfway. And it's like, not because you were guilty, but because she was bad.

Wife, friend is helping, husband. I'm there.

She was bad in bed, so you stopped, and then you were like, wait.

which all the wonderful things you're listing about your wife is not gonna make anybody feel bad for you, King. Like, I am sure these comments are tearing him a new one, being like, you fumbled, you lost your wife, you had it, and it's your fault for not recognizing that. You don't have to go have sex with somebody else to be like, oh my God, wait, I love my wife. That's so true. Wait a minute.

I cannot believe this man wrote those words. Like, that's baffling.

It all makes sense.

Yeah.

God.

It's quite clear what the advice is.

I was going to say, like, I thought it could have maybe just ended with the flirtation downstairs of, like, being in the hotel room and she was flirting and him being like, oh, well, yeah, you know, you're attractive, too. I'm interested, like, whatever. And then being like, wait, what am I doing? I am married. and stopping there, which even in that case is wrong.

That is a whole nother case of emotional cheating, but he literally went upstairs and started having sex with her.

You lost me again.

I'm there, okay. You know I'm a visual girl, we've been over this. Have to draw it.

This will help.

Yep, 10 out of 10.

Yes, all of them.

No! Oh, I forgot that those exist. I can't wait.

Yeah, this guy doesn't exactly scream sly.

No, I liked it. I don't want to, but like, it feels like this could perhaps just genuinely be like somebody who is actually, again, just very unaware, who is, again, just like, just stupid. Just like somebody who maybe doesn't understand relationship dynamics or commitment.

I'm not saying that that denies any of everything we've said, and I think that the wife is completely in the right, but even the ridiculousness of him being like, no, no, no, honey, look, I made it public and showed everybody. And told everybody.

I don't love you anymore because of that. And it's again, it's just like, okay, so there has to be something where he's just actually not getting that.

I think it was five. Oh, is it five years? Is that a different story? Have they been married for about five years? For five years.

And it's important, I think, too, to establish that for yourself, right? Absolutely. Where is it in terms of your value? How much could you potentially forgive a partner if that happened to you? And this woman seems pretty clear in at least following her heart in the moment of being like, I know how I feel now.

It's such an interesting thing, you're right, and it's such a case-by-case basis because I know, like, a lot of the times too in situations like substances can get involved too. And that is often an excuse of like, oh, my thinking was impaired. And it's like, well.

And it's just like, well, but yeah, I agree. I don't think I would accept that, but like, In this situation, it's like the hardest that you could make this is like, you know, he realizes it right away. He does go and tell his wife. He fully apologizes and is like, I don't know what I was thinking and I was out of my mind. And then it's like, wow, what do I do?

You know, like it really is just like an individual thing that you have to self-reflect and understand where you feel on it. And sometimes you don't understand until it happens to you, which is heartbreaking.

Yay!

Oh my god, oh my god.

Of course. That's like a virtue that she's clearly not exhibiting, or she's not against her friend not exhibiting that.

Yeah. Right. Or like, sorry, you're not gonna do any other research two and a half years before? You're gonna go through all of that and not look up any other way?

How could I have gotten chlamydia? Google that, right?

I mean, we touched on this point earlier, right? Like, if somebody does cheat, it's likely that you're gonna be able to see that. And I would think if they were caught or exposed in this way, you would have kind of been able to detect it in him.

And it's crazy to say that the koala is the obvious choice.

No, no, no, not even, though it's enticing, 3K. Not for the money.

That's insane. And the koala just happened to pee on him.

Okay, let's hear it.

I want to hold and cuddle one.

Then I guess I have to bet opposite. I have to say that the man is a master manipulator.

Then definitely not.

Yeah. It's certainly one thing I think you're right of, like, in a lot of these cases, I think it is, like, not our business. Let me stay out of it because I'm not in that relationship. And oftentimes, too, because I am curious about y'all's opinions with this, like, when you're friends with a couple and you find out that one is cheating, like...

But we have confirmed that it was koala.

It was giving.

It's giving koala.

Yeah, that is an insane story to have.

Like for that to have happened to you and your marriage. I mean, this is what we were kind of saying with like the crazy situations of cheating, right?

Is it your responsibility to come in and tell somebody? And my opinion with that is always so nuanced because nobody knows that dynamic of the relationship.

Yeah, seance. That's crazy. I mean, what do you do? Do you forgive?

They were on a break, and this was Ross and Rachel, how dare you?

Wait, sorry, I just need to make it known they were not on a break. I just need to make sure that that's where I stand on that. They were not on a break. They were not on a break. I mean, they were on a break, but still what he did was inappropriate. Just need to make sure that that is known.

I mean, I agree with what you said. I think the way that she wrote out her feelings were very eloquent. And I love that she said she used to believe this, but now that she's in this situation, she realizes that That isn't actually how she feels, and I'm glad that she isn't just being like, well, this is what I feel, so I should do that. She's actually following her heart and being present.

And if you come in with this information and then let's say they still decide to stay together and get married, like then great, you're at this wedding and you're like, okay, well now this is very complicated or maybe I'm not a friend of them anymore. So it's almost like what is the part that you should play when you know someone else is cheating?

And yeah, she has to kind of evaluate, like, sure, maybe technically it might be okay or not okay, but it's just the feeling of, are you able to move on? Does it still feel appropriate to stay in this? And having a family... There's a whole other layer to it.

With Shane.

Honestly, that has grounded me throughout this whole video is mattress baguette. Coming back to mattress baguette.

Soft or firm. Maybe it comes in two different ways.

Yes, and I like memory baguette.

I guess it's kind of surprising that this feels like something you would know about your partner as well, right? Like to discuss values up front. And I guess if they hadn't yet talked about loyalty in friendships and in relationships, this probably is something that's shocking to him. And he's like, oh, I didn't realize that you don't care about that.

I mean, and if they're married, it's hopefully clear that they haven't had any infidelity between them. But this is clearly causing him to question, like, maybe now that this friend has introduced how easy and fun it might be to cheat, she might be like, oh, well, then maybe I could do something fun like that.

Now where's that link?

I think it's a baguette that's massive.

No, we're definitely, we're not losing that. We're gonna put a pin right there.

Right, like none of this is important, what's that?

I am obsessed with that, just coming up with random similes and metaphors and just naming it.

And we're coming back. Is it a mattress?

We can create this.

We can make this. This is gonna be a hit. To answer the question, My initial instinct was to say, yes, it's enough, because I believe that sometimes we can be just, I mean, we're humans. We're gonna have faults and gaps in our awareness, and it can be, I think,

moment of just getting caught up with this friend like you said like that already opened up so much more context of like your best friend is like my husband sucks and he's doing all of these things XYZ I don't even know how far that goes on that spectrum but she's like but I have this really great experience with this guy and I really need your help and whatever and yes maybe she could have come to her senses a little quicker and said something like wait this feels a little crazy or

If there is a problem going on, maybe let's talk about separating that relationship and then we can talk about introducing another man. But perhaps she was getting caught up in that situation and just being like, okay, I got your back. And maybe it's, again, fun in some way. And then it just took her husband to be like, hey, remember that somebody is getting hurt.

And then she is like, oh my God, you're so right. There's clearly a way to do this that doesn't hurt people.

Are there cards?

That's what I'm stuck on.

That's what I'm saying.

So soft.

Or firm.

Yes. There's a whole show here.