Ari Matti

He was fucking fat. I have one fat fuck friend. His name is Matt Fat Fuck. And one day we were talking And I noticed that me and Matt, you know, we have to use the same toilet bowl. And I noticed that the distance from Matt's cock to his asshole is quite a journey. So I ask Matt, what do you do? Do you just fucking shove it in there? And fat fuck Matt goes, no, I gotta choose.

So I ask Matt, okay, so if you go poopy, if you go poopy, does it sometimes happen that piss flies out too onto the floor and shit? Matt looks at me, he goes, oh yeah, all the time. That's what I respect about Matt. That even though he's cleaning up his own piss, he's like, fucking worth it. And then he goes, you think that's bad?

So I ask Matt, okay, so if you go poopy, if you go poopy, does it sometimes happen that piss flies out too onto the floor and shit? Matt looks at me, he goes, oh yeah, all the time. That's what I respect about Matt. That even though he's cleaning up his own piss, he's like, fucking worth it. And then he goes, you think that's bad?

So I ask Matt, okay, so if you go poopy, if you go poopy, does it sometimes happen that piss flies out too onto the floor and shit? Matt looks at me, he goes, oh yeah, all the time. That's what I respect about Matt. That even though he's cleaning up his own piss, he's like, fucking worth it. And then he goes, you think that's bad?

Matt goes, sometimes I come home and I fucking eat so much shit that I every hole shit, piss, and puke. And he has to sit in the bathtub. and just full Coachella. Just fucking. Now that should be the McDonald's commercial. Fuck the hot yoga girl with a burger. Oh my God, Maccas. Put my fat fuck friend Matt in the tub of his own shit, piss and puke and let the camera pan out.

Matt goes, sometimes I come home and I fucking eat so much shit that I every hole shit, piss, and puke. And he has to sit in the bathtub. and just full Coachella. Just fucking. Now that should be the McDonald's commercial. Fuck the hot yoga girl with a burger. Oh my God, Maccas. Put my fat fuck friend Matt in the tub of his own shit, piss and puke and let the camera pan out.

Matt goes, sometimes I come home and I fucking eat so much shit that I every hole shit, piss, and puke. And he has to sit in the bathtub. and just full Coachella. Just fucking. Now that should be the McDonald's commercial. Fuck the hot yoga girl with a burger. Oh my God, Maccas. Put my fat fuck friend Matt in the tub of his own shit, piss and puke and let the camera pan out.

And he just looks at the camera. Still loving it.

And he just looks at the camera. Still loving it.

And he just looks at the camera. Still loving it.

What's up, Tony? What's up, Brian? Hello, Garrett.

What's up, Tony? What's up, Brian? Hello, Garrett.

What's up, Tony? What's up, Brian? Hello, Garrett.

You know I got bad luck. Uh-huh. I was in Florida. Yeah. Fort Myers. Yeah. I found out that the show that, do you know who Tito Ortiz is? Tito Ortiz, yes. Tito Ortiz, former light heavyweight champion, UFC. Yes. Apparently he owns a bar called Tito's Cantina. And the person from Florida tells me, if you drive past this bar and you see a white Rolls Royce outside, that means Tito's in the building.

You know I got bad luck. Uh-huh. I was in Florida. Yeah. Fort Myers. Yeah. I found out that the show that, do you know who Tito Ortiz is? Tito Ortiz, yes. Tito Ortiz, former light heavyweight champion, UFC. Yes. Apparently he owns a bar called Tito's Cantina. And the person from Florida tells me, if you drive past this bar and you see a white Rolls Royce outside, that means Tito's in the building.

You know I got bad luck. Uh-huh. I was in Florida. Yeah. Fort Myers. Yeah. I found out that the show that, do you know who Tito Ortiz is? Tito Ortiz, yes. Tito Ortiz, former light heavyweight champion, UFC. Yes. Apparently he owns a bar called Tito's Cantina. And the person from Florida tells me, if you drive past this bar and you see a white Rolls Royce outside, that means Tito's in the building.

I drive past, Rolls Royce is there. I go to the bar, motherfucking Tito. Tito and three people, they're watching the UFC. So I sit down, find out they have a raffle. Raffle! I love a raffle. You know what a raffle is? You win shit. There's three other people at the bar. I'm gonna win this fucking raffle. I go to, Tito! Tito! What's the prize? He goes, it's a bottle of vodka. I'm like, eh, okay.

I drive past, Rolls Royce is there. I go to the bar, motherfucking Tito. Tito and three people, they're watching the UFC. So I sit down, find out they have a raffle. Raffle! I love a raffle. You know what a raffle is? You win shit. There's three other people at the bar. I'm gonna win this fucking raffle. I go to, Tito! Tito! What's the prize? He goes, it's a bottle of vodka. I'm like, eh, okay.

I drive past, Rolls Royce is there. I go to the bar, motherfucking Tito. Tito and three people, they're watching the UFC. So I sit down, find out they have a raffle. Raffle! I love a raffle. You know what a raffle is? You win shit. There's three other people at the bar. I'm gonna win this fucking raffle. I go to, Tito! Tito! What's the prize? He goes, it's a bottle of vodka. I'm like, eh, okay.

Then he goes, but the final prize after the pay-per-view is over A championship belt. Wow. And I see this fucking belt, and I love belts. Listen. I love belts. I love belts. I love belts. I see your belt. I'm with you. I'm with you. But it's a big, like, champion belt, you know? I never won in MMA. I'm 0-3, so I need a fucking belt. Me and a belt. I need that belt.