Arthur Brooks

You know, super strivers who are never satisfied and struggle.

They, generally speaking, found that they only got attention and affection from their parents when they did something, when they got good grades, when they made pitcher on a baseball team, when they made first chair in the orchestra, when they, right?

When they, you know, set up a lemonade stand and made more money than anybody thought possible, whatever it was, right?

And their parents, often their parents are immigrants or came from poverty, and they'll reward their kids when they do a thing, thinking that they're actually wiring in success and happiness for their kids.

What they're telling their kids is that love is earned.

They're teaching their kids that love is earned.

And kids will learn that.

And when your brain is synaptically plastic, boy, will you ever learn that lesson.

And then you will go through life trying to earn love over and over and over and over again.

You'll look for, if you're a man, you'll look for women who make you earn their love, right?

And that you'll spend your marriage trying to bring in more and more and more and more money, for example.

Women will try to stay young forever by trying to earn their husband's love.

You'll find that they will surround themselves with sycophants and yes-men who are just like fake friends who make these people earn their love with gifts and favors and fanciness.

And you'll surround yourself with people because you believe that love is actually earned.

Well, the truth is that that's wrong.

real love isn't earned it's a free gift freely given to grace anybody who makes you earn their love doesn't love you that's what it comes down to but they don't learn that because that's actually what they've what they've what they've they've um uh evolved over the course of their lives and they're they become success addicts winning addicts looking for the specialness

And in the modern economy, when you can metastasize that from one to your family, to your community, to your church, to your city, to the whole world on the internet, then you're going to be searching for the adoration of strangers because it's the best possible dopamine hit that you can get.

And life is going to feel gray if you don't get it.

So this is a pathology that actually people have.

And the more talented you are, the more danger you're in.