Ashley Flowers

You guys, I think there is this low-level hum of anxiety that almost all mothers live with.

And it truly never goes away.

What you worry about will change over the years.

Though the consequences never seem less severe.

Like when they're little, there's this fear of them falling or choking on something tiny that got left on the floor.

When they go off to school, you worry about them making friends or getting bullied.

Like my daughter is in preschool right now and there is this one girl in her class who keeps saying that she is better than my daughter.

And some days Joe comes home like really put down.

I want to go full mama bear.

I'm trying to keep my cool.

It's not really working.

But I know when she grows up, I'm going to worry about her getting her heart broken.

When I'm not driving her everywhere, I'm going to wonder where she is, who she's with, if she's safe.

And God help me when one day she wants to take a trip out of the country.

The regular human in me will be excited for her.

I know how much I like itch for those experiences, like stuff like that when I was young.

And I want her to have all of that.

But I'm also a crime junkie mom.

And that means in the back of my head, I am picturing the worst case scenario.

Something terrible happening to my daughter, but in a place a zillion miles away where I can't get to her.