Ashlyn Harris

And this isn't just like a nice to have. I know you're familiar with this research, but the study that comes up for me all the time is this study that was done that's still ongoing at Harvard University. It's overseen now by Robert Waldinger. And the idea is.

that they've been following several generations of people who live in the Boston area to see what contributes to a long life, longevity, health, happiness. And what comes screaming out of 80, 90 years of data is that the people who live the longest have strong relationships. And what's the mechanism for that? Stress is what kills us. You started this whole conversation with the idea of stress.

that they've been following several generations of people who live in the Boston area to see what contributes to a long life, longevity, health, happiness. And what comes screaming out of 80, 90 years of data is that the people who live the longest have strong relationships. And what's the mechanism for that? Stress is what kills us. You started this whole conversation with the idea of stress.

Stress is what kills us most of the time. And the best way to reduce stress is to have positive relationships. Waldinger has this great expression, never worry alone. And that's what you're doing three times a week with your buddy.

Stress is what kills us most of the time. And the best way to reduce stress is to have positive relationships. Waldinger has this great expression, never worry alone. And that's what you're doing three times a week with your buddy.

And there are obviously things you can talk to your wife about, of course, but the whole, and again, again, you know all of this, but you can't, you can't, your wife can't be the alpha and omega. Your wife can't be everything to you. And again, there's data to support this contention too, that the strongest,

And there are obviously things you can talk to your wife about, of course, but the whole, and again, again, you know all of this, but you can't, you can't, your wife can't be the alpha and omega. Your wife can't be everything to you. And again, there's data to support this contention too, that the strongest,

marriages or romantic relationships uh in those relationships the the participants have other relationships that support it you know that that you're getting certain needs filled through your best friend um and yeah so i just go back to what you said that that seems to be a direction that people can move in when they're trying to think about how to operationalize this stuff in their own life

marriages or romantic relationships uh in those relationships the the participants have other relationships that support it you know that that you're getting certain needs filled through your best friend um and yeah so i just go back to what you said that that seems to be a direction that people can move in when they're trying to think about how to operationalize this stuff in their own life

First of all, you said this thing about how you have struggled with social media. I just want to... ad that I have too.

First of all, you said this thing about how you have struggled with social media. I just want to... ad that I have too.

I mean, I just started, as we've discussed, and I can't tell you how many times I've gotten sucked into either scrolling and looking at things that, I mean, I could be talking to my child during that time, or, and this is even more embarrassing, compulsively checking back to see how a specific video is performing. And so, yeah, I don't come to this conversation with any superiority.

I mean, I just started, as we've discussed, and I can't tell you how many times I've gotten sucked into either scrolling and looking at things that, I mean, I could be talking to my child during that time, or, and this is even more embarrassing, compulsively checking back to see how a specific video is performing. And so, yeah, I don't come to this conversation with any superiority.

I also think, and I will get to some things that have been useful for me, but I also want to say that I'm not against social media. I think there are beautiful aspects to it. I think there are also very difficult aspects, and we can talk about that if you want. But it is popular not only for the negative aspects for it.

I also think, and I will get to some things that have been useful for me, but I also want to say that I'm not against social media. I think there are beautiful aspects to it. I think there are also very difficult aspects, and we can talk about that if you want. But it is popular not only for the negative aspects for it.

And I think it's, you know, you can get some degree of pleasure through social media for sure. And I think it's true just for any dopamine hit in our life. You can get addicted to anything that is the source of fleeting pleasure, from food to cocaine to alcohol to gambling to shopping. And there's healthy use, healthy involvement in all of these activities, and then unhealthy.

And I think it's, you know, you can get some degree of pleasure through social media for sure. And I think it's true just for any dopamine hit in our life. You can get addicted to anything that is the source of fleeting pleasure, from food to cocaine to alcohol to gambling to shopping. And there's healthy use, healthy involvement in all of these activities, and then unhealthy.

And it really just depends on the circumstances of your own brain, your own life, and it's a thing everybody has to work on for themselves. as it pertains to like practical things that work for me with technology addiction. One is just being pretty disciplined about putting it away at a, you know, usually at the end of the day, I try to put it away and have a proper evening with my family.

And it really just depends on the circumstances of your own brain, your own life, and it's a thing everybody has to work on for themselves. as it pertains to like practical things that work for me with technology addiction. One is just being pretty disciplined about putting it away at a, you know, usually at the end of the day, I try to put it away and have a proper evening with my family.

Don't always succeed at that, but I notice when I do it, I feel better. And that leads to the second piece of advice, which is As you know, I'm a big advocate of meditation, as are you.