On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Dan Harris: The Hidden Stressors That Are Ruining Your Inner Health & 10 Changes to Make to Reduce Stress
Mon, 23 Dec 2024
What stresses you out the most? Have you noticed stress hurting your health? Today, Jay sits down with Dan Harris, journalist, meditation advocate, and the author of 10% Happier. If you’ve ever felt like stress and anxiety are running the show in your life, this episode is here to remind you that you’re not alone—and better yet, there’s a way forward. Dan opens up about the growing levels of anxiety and stress we’re all feeling, thanks to modern life’s endless distractions like social media, political turmoil, and the ripple effects of the pandemic. He unpacks the difference between stress and anxiety and offers some eye-opening perspectives on why we often feel overwhelmed. But this isn’t just a heavy conversation about what’s wrong with the world—it’s packed with solutions. Jay and Dan dive into the magic of human connection, the science of mindfulness, and the art of not being so hard on yourself. Dan shares personal stories about grappling with anger, dealing with claustrophobia, and navigating his own inner critic. You’ll hear how meditation has been a game-changer for him, not in making life perfect, but in making it manageable—and even joyful. They also get into the nitty-gritty of practical tips: How do you set boundaries with your phone? How do you learn to live with discomfort instead of running from it? And how can you reframe that negative self-talk that’s always lurking? Spoiler alert: It’s not about silencing your inner critic; it’s about befriending it. In this interview, you'll learn: How to Differentiate Stress from Anxiety How to Build Meaningful Connections That Reduce Stress How to Reframe Negative Self-Talk How to Identify the Root Cause of Your Anger How to Embrace Discomfort for Personal Growth How to Recognize and Change Destructive Habits You don’t need to have all the answers or fix everything overnight. It’s about showing up, being kind to yourself, and embracing the messy, imperfect journey of personal growth. With Love and Gratitude, Jay Shetty What We Discuss: 00:00 Intro 01:08 How Are You Handling Stress? 02:51 What is Stressing You Out? 07:24 How to Build Deep Relationships 11:32 How Develop a Healthy Relationship 19:43 The Possibility of Reprogramming Your Inner Dialogue 24:16 The Benefits of Meditation 26:51 What is “ME”? 31:14 How Do You Befriend Your Mind? 38:37 There’s a Reason Why You Keep Wanting More 40:39 Get More Familiar with Your Thoughts 43:39 What is Your Daily Meditation Practice? 47:10 The Modular Model of Mind 51:49 Healthy Anger Versus Destructive Anger 57:07 Are You Defensive or Dismissive? 01:00:12 The Power of Having a Sense of Humor 01:03:05 Observe Nature to Understand Yourself 01:07:23 Dan on Final Five Episode Resources: Dan Harris | Website Dan Harris | TikTok Dan Harris | LinkedIn Dan Harris | Instagram Ten Percent Happier | YouTube 10% Happier with Dan Harris 10% Happier (10th Anniversary): How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works—A True Story See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Chapter 1: What is the difference between stress and anxiety?
And that almost sounds like there's an external authority, whether it could have been a teacher or a parent, a family member who may have said that to us. And now it's internalized as a negative authority in our minds.
And so what you're actually saying is the positive authority also works that if someone says your name, Jay or Dan, and then coaches you and guides you through that, would you say that That's a skill that you have harnessed and nourished through meditation. Or do you see that as separate to meditation?
I think it's absolutely complementary. You know, as you know, in meditation, you are one of the benefits is that you're more self-aware. You're more aware of all of these wild thoughts careening through your head. And so it's easier to wake up. Now, I mean, I get lost in meditation. you know, homicidal fantasies and, you know, unspeakable fantasy, other kinds of fantasies. That's just the mind.
But I'm more likely now to have some self-awareness. I mean, another word for that is mindfulness, to be able to see what's happening between my ears, behind my eyes, without necessarily being caught up in it. And so the sooner I can wake up to the fact that I'm in the middle of a jag of self-judgment, Then I can bring in these other tools.
Oh, yeah, you know what I need to do right now is have a talk between the sane part of myself and the insane part of myself. And as you said before, the inner critic comes to the ball masquerading as wisdom. But it's not wisdom. It is your ancient fears. And it is the dysfunction of the larger culture. So you might be telling yourself you need to look better. Well, that's not your voice.
That is as to invoke another amazing person, Sonia Renee. What am I? Sonia Renee Taylor, I believe, is her name. I'm embarrassed and I'm forgetting her last name, but she's a great writer. And she said something to the effect of when I see self-criticism, I realize it's not my voice. It's the voice of the system. And so you're telling yourself you don't look good? Well, by whose standards?
It's the culture's standards. And I have two modes that I'm least proud of. One is greedy, and the other is angry. And over time, I've learned to actually have some affection for these modes because it's just the organism trying to protect itself. It's just my ancient fear-based patterns
doing their best usually you know like they're it's a five-year-old's version of doing their best to protect this body but i don't need to listen to them in fact the radical disarmament is to actually make friends with them to kind of high-five those demons instead of trying to slay them and for me that's been really useful and and just to get it back to your question combining these i would say modern psychological tools with ancient contemplative tools has really been helpful
With the LPGA underway, you can be closer than a caddy with Mel Reed and Kira Dixon, hosts of Quiet Please. We're so honored to have Michelle Wee West on the show. Five-time winner on the LPGA Tour. Listen in as they hit the driver off the deck in an up-close and personal conversation with this professional badass.
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Chapter 2: How can human connection reduce stress?
absolutely yeah I love you just reminded me of making that point about the system that you quoted there reminds me of years years years and years ago I was when I was a student in London and I remember walking through you know like a department store and there was a big advert that said get the natural look and then it was like all these things that products that can help you get the natural look and just that idea of
purchasing a natural look is fascinating because- As if you weren't born with one. Yeah, exactly. But it is that voice, right? Saying, okay, well, even to get a natural look. And again, I think there are pros and cons. I mean, I'm a big fan of so many products, so many services, so many things. And so it's not to say it's all bad, but there is a need-
in mindfulness to, I think what you're saying is to differentiate and have the ability of discernment between is this voice me or is this something outside of me, whether it's a system or a person or whatever it may be. And I think that's the quality that we need because it isn't necessarily saying, I'm just gonna shut everything off and nothing matters. It's this idea of, can I tell?
Can I tell that when I'm listening to the voice in my head as to whether it's truly mine or whether it's being picked up or nurtured by some other external force.
Another fascinating question is, what is me? Close your eyes and look inside. Can you find some core nugget of J? Spend some time with that question. That'll pop you out of ruminating about lots of other unhealthy things.
Where has that question taken you?
I think you I think I think you come more out of the Hindu tradition. Yes. And I come a little bit more out of the Buddhist tradition, even though I don't look like it. But, you know, that's that's where I've spent the last 15 years of my life really doing a lot of study. And one of the things they say in Tibetan Buddhism is that. the not finding is the finding. Because there's nothing to find.
Yes, I mean, on the level of consensual, conventional reality, I'm Dan, and that camera's taking a picture of me, and yes, that is true. But on the deepest possible level, if I look for some core nugget of Dan, there's nothing to find. And that not finding is...
is the answer and if can you stay with that ambiguity there is something healing about that so how how do you take that out of the esoteric clouds into your actual life one little linguistic trick you can you kind of teed me up for this before because you you use the phrase i am like i am so and so what if you just and again this is i want to give credit to the person who came up with this it's joseph goldstein is a great meditation teacher but he often
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Chapter 8: How do we cultivate meaningful relationships?
Yeah, do less all the time. But then some of the biggest things were the biggest hits, like Vindication, remember?
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Stress is the difference between the things on your to-do list and your capacity to handle that to-do list. Anxiety is fretfully projecting and fearing that bad things are going to happen. Both things are probably at the worst point they've ever been since we started keeping those records.
Former ABC News anchor.
Author of 10% Happier.
Mr. Dan Harris.
People who live the longest have strong relationships. Dose yourself with some discomfort. Go to that party. Accept the invitation. the number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty.
Jay Shetty. He won the only Jay Shetty.
Dan Harris, welcome to On Purpose. It's so great to finally have you here. I feel like this has been years in the making. I know my audience has wanted to hear from you. My community has asked for us to get together. I've seen so many comments tagging you saying you have to have Dan on the show. And so this is really exciting for me.
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