Audience Member

Donald Trump was busy getting our military in shape so he can finally fulfill our country's month-old dream of conquering Greenland. And first, we're going to need to have as many troops as possible.

President Trump has signed several executive orders to reshape the military, including directive banning transgender service members.

President Trump has signed several executive orders to reshape the military, including directive banning transgender service members.

Okay, did I say as many troops? I mean fewer troops, right? You know what they say in the Army, less is more. Look, maybe they don't say that. I don't know, but that's... Look, I don't have a problem with transgender soldiers. As someone who pees himself anytime he hears a loud noise, I think we should be grateful to anyone who's willing to put their life on the line so I don't have to.

Okay, did I say as many troops? I mean fewer troops, right? You know what they say in the Army, less is more. Look, maybe they don't say that. I don't know, but that's... Look, I don't have a problem with transgender soldiers. As someone who pees himself anytime he hears a loud noise, I think we should be grateful to anyone who's willing to put their life on the line so I don't have to.

But hey, yeah, okay. But I'm open-minded about being closed-minded, so what's the issue here?

But hey, yeah, okay. But I'm open-minded about being closed-minded, so what's the issue here?

President Trump signed an executive order calling transgender people unfit to serve.

President Trump signed an executive order calling transgender people unfit to serve.

One part says being transgender is, quote, not consistent with the humility and selflessness required of a service member.

One part says being transgender is, quote, not consistent with the humility and selflessness required of a service member.

Another says being trans conflicts with, quote, an honorable, truthful, and disciplined lifestyle, even in one's personal life.

Another says being trans conflicts with, quote, an honorable, truthful, and disciplined lifestyle, even in one's personal life.

Yeah, well, look, you know, it makes sense that the military has to be honorable, truthful, and disciplined. You know, sure, this is your secretary of defense, but that's all the more reason... That's all the more reason that the rest of them have to have their shit together.

Yeah, well, look, you know, it makes sense that the military has to be honorable, truthful, and disciplined. You know, sure, this is your secretary of defense, but that's all the more reason... That's all the more reason that the rest of them have to have their shit together.

It's like how every Beatles album had to be packed with hits to make up for that one song that Ringo wrote about wanting to f*** an octopus or whatever. I gotta say, the military sure has a lot of ethical rules for their mission of killing people. Hey, you want to blow some guy's head off? You better say please and thank you.

It's like how every Beatles album had to be packed with hits to make up for that one song that Ringo wrote about wanting to f*** an octopus or whatever. I gotta say, the military sure has a lot of ethical rules for their mission of killing people. Hey, you want to blow some guy's head off? You better say please and thank you.

But to be fair, Trump had another argument against trans soldiers as well.

But to be fair, Trump had another argument against trans soldiers as well.

Oh, up to 12 months. Do you know how long our wars last? I think they'll have you back in the game in no time. Vietnam War, 11 years. Afghanistan War, 20 years. Even our storage wars last 15 seasons. First of all, transgender people make up 0.1% of the military.