Barry Baines

Most people these days or a lot of people shorten it a bit to not just be sitting and you cover your mirrors in your house and you sit on hard stools when guests come. But most of that Shiva period is spent talking about the person who's gone and remembering stories. And everybody who knew that person has a story. And so you get this treasure trove of stories, which provides a lot of comfort.

Most people these days or a lot of people shorten it a bit to not just be sitting and you cover your mirrors in your house and you sit on hard stools when guests come. But most of that Shiva period is spent talking about the person who's gone and remembering stories. And everybody who knew that person has a story. And so you get this treasure trove of stories, which provides a lot of comfort.

So there's that first week. And then the second week, the next phase is a month long period. And that's called Shloshim. And again, it's you sort of stay away from celebrations and stay with your morning and then gradually reintegrate into your community. And usually the morning period lasts a year where you would say a special prayer for those who are observant. called the Kaddish.

So there's that first week. And then the second week, the next phase is a month long period. And that's called Shloshim. And again, it's you sort of stay away from celebrations and stay with your morning and then gradually reintegrate into your community. And usually the morning period lasts a year where you would say a special prayer for those who are observant. called the Kaddish.

It's a prayer of remembrance in a way. And then at the end of that time, the grieving period formally ends, although everybody appreciates that it never ends. And there's on the anniversary of that person's death, that's sort of when people are remembered. Interestingly, the anniversary of my mother's death starts tonight. So I'll be...

It's a prayer of remembrance in a way. And then at the end of that time, the grieving period formally ends, although everybody appreciates that it never ends. And there's on the anniversary of that person's death, that's sort of when people are remembered. Interestingly, the anniversary of my mother's death starts tonight. So I'll be...

you know, saying this prayer and lighting a candle, you know, so again, it comes on. So I sort of like that more gradual reintegration back into your community rather than trying to compress your grieving and, you know, kind of just, you know, get over it kind of thing because I think we've already acknowledged that everybody goes at their own pace and you know, even a year may not be enough.

you know, saying this prayer and lighting a candle, you know, so again, it comes on. So I sort of like that more gradual reintegration back into your community rather than trying to compress your grieving and, you know, kind of just, you know, get over it kind of thing because I think we've already acknowledged that everybody goes at their own pace and you know, even a year may not be enough.

Right. You know, it's, it's, you know, it goes on, I think, you know, longer than that, but certainly focusing in on, on that gradual reintroduction, I think is helpful. So that's the rituals that, that I kind of under, you know, understand and have been a part of. And for myself, they, they've always been very, very helpful. Maddie. How about for you?

Right. You know, it's, it's, you know, it goes on, I think, you know, longer than that, but certainly focusing in on, on that gradual reintroduction, I think is helpful. So that's the rituals that, that I kind of under, you know, understand and have been a part of. And for myself, they, they've always been very, very helpful. Maddie. How about for you?

I kind of agree with Maddie. You know, there are some scripts about, you know, things to say. And I think the little story that you told, Stan, of just someone coming over and touching you, it's realizing the comfort of just a presence and being there and that you don't, people feel oftentimes compelled to say something. And then they're also worried.

I kind of agree with Maddie. You know, there are some scripts about, you know, things to say. And I think the little story that you told, Stan, of just someone coming over and touching you, it's realizing the comfort of just a presence and being there and that you don't, people feel oftentimes compelled to say something. And then they're also worried.

They're not going to say the right, the right thing is how do you comfort? And oftentimes just going over and just looking at the person and touching them says, you know, says it all. Yeah. Um, and, and I, you know, I, I guess the thing, you know, something simple, I, you know, I'm sorry for your loss. Um,

They're not going to say the right, the right thing is how do you comfort? And oftentimes just going over and just looking at the person and touching them says, you know, says it all. Yeah. Um, and, and I, you know, I, I guess the thing, you know, something simple, I, you know, I'm sorry for your loss. Um,

Again, and then just, you know, hanging out or telling, you know, letting the griever sort of initiate, you know, where you go. And oftentimes I think what we bring when we go to a funeral is that we have within us a nugget, as it were, of the experience that we've had with their loved one. And it's the sharing of that that oftentimes...

Again, and then just, you know, hanging out or telling, you know, letting the griever sort of initiate, you know, where you go. And oftentimes I think what we bring when we go to a funeral is that we have within us a nugget, as it were, of the experience that we've had with their loved one. And it's the sharing of that that oftentimes...

brings the most comfort because oftentimes you hear things that you never heard before um you know about you know experiences and stuff like that and stuff like that so i you know i think simple is is best um and just being a presence and being there to listen and as maddie said and to support um i think the other the other piece is that uh realizing that initially

brings the most comfort because oftentimes you hear things that you never heard before um you know about you know experiences and stuff like that and stuff like that so i you know i think simple is is best um and just being a presence and being there to listen and as maddie said and to support um i think the other the other piece is that uh realizing that initially

After the person, a loved one dies, there's lots of people visiting. Yes. And then as time goes on, all of a sudden, and that's a great support for the griever. And then what happens over time is that really disappears. And so thinking about maintaining a presence, not in the first weeks afterwards, but also to be checking in. that oftentimes can be the most helpful.

After the person, a loved one dies, there's lots of people visiting. Yes. And then as time goes on, all of a sudden, and that's a great support for the griever. And then what happens over time is that really disappears. And so thinking about maintaining a presence, not in the first weeks afterwards, but also to be checking in. that oftentimes can be the most helpful.