Ben Hollands

Splendid teller. Can't forget him.

So they're like besties at this point. Is she like a waiting maid or are they just like companions? Yeah, a bit of both, isn't it, Michelle?

No, I've held the hair back while they've been sick, but I've never pushed the heart back into the body. I've never reversed Temple of Doom to friend.

And you're like, not dead anymore.

Yeah, I'd be suspicious. I feel like Bartolomea sounds like a liability. I feel like she's adding little embellishments like, yeah, I saw the heart, I pushed it back in. It feels like Benedetta's got quite a lot of charisma, but I'm not sure Bartolomea commands quite the same amount of reverence, no questions asked, as her friend does.

So I feel like she's possibly not going to be the weak link in questioning.

Wow, the nun who loves salami. It's not how I thought she would be described.

What?

What? Those two good friends? Yeah. They were just roommates. The roommates, what?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no. Yeah, I've had that one as well. It's like, yeah. Like, there's someone watching, he's got, like, curly hair.

Yeah. It's so sad.

The nuance window! No!

There's such a scant amount of evidence and testimony. But when it does pop up, it's really visceral. And like those images of like licking Jesus's heart. It's very intense and very lesbian. I think that, you know.

I am going to go to a lesbian bar tonight and I am going to ask the gathered congregation if anyone's ever asked to lick their heart, which I think is probably quite likely, given East London.

Bless you, Greg. Bless you, Michelle.

Special feels like a neg, but I'll take it.

I'm very thrilled to be special and to be here and to be meeting Michelle Sauer.

Church bells. So I don't know. I don't really know anything. That's not quite true. I think I've got the sense that she's some sort of queer icon, but I don't really know much about her. And I've already heard from your intro that she's a sexy nun. Yeah. Wait, did you say that or did I? I was projecting. You didn't say that. I didn't say that.

I projected. You said Wimple and I was like, hot. That's what happened. How embarrassing.

Is it like sexy egg? Benedetta, is it like blessed one? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. She did Latin as well. All right. Yeah.

A nightingale as well. You don't get those anymore. It's crows and pigeons.

Okay, so if she's like reciting litanies from five years old, I feel probably quite like a young entrant. I'm going to go with lucky number 13. Okay.

Oh, nine. OK, classic age to take on a trade.

It's like a start-up convent. It's not quite recognised yet. It's like a young, cool... They're disrupting the sector.

Theateens are disrupting the sector of female monasteries.

Okay, when you started talking about Benedetta, I really thought that she was like, had been a great TikTok baby, because it's all like her dad's making her read these litanies. She's got this little bird and stuff. Like, I feel like she would have been creating content from early.

Yeah, just being like, it's another rosary. Benedetta, I think like being like a pretty, clearly a pretty smart kid, I think she'd just be like reciting chunks of the Bible, singing stuff, maybe getting the bird involved.

None of my Virgin Mary statuettes have ever tried to pash on me, so that is feeling a bit slighted.

She's just a nun walking through the mountains, tripping her nut off. It's...

I think she was told to go vegan. Jesus taking her heart. It's very poetic, like walking around without a heart for three days. It's relatable content. She's basically Charlie at CX. I think that Splenditello sounds a bit much.

Oh, my God. Sorry.

It feels like, especially if there's not other people doing it, if it's not part of the company culture to be having visions, then if you kind of state yourself out as having very disruptive and evocative visions, I feel like it'd probably get on a few of the nuns' tits.