Ben Kissel

Also, Flanagan's, that's a big Casey Anthony spot.

Oh, I bet.

She'd do really well in a Flanagan's.

They don't give a.

well anyway so you're leaving flanagan's you're swerving and scooting listening to buffett's a1a album it's fucking kicking you know all right you pull into your gated community out west just past 441 you wave hello to the stoner gate guy you turn left while tearing up to a pirate looks at 40 and you clip a teenager on a scooter oopsie doodles

Now I don't have to go to homeschool.

Yeah, and he's screaming.

He recognizes you.

Yeah, so you grab a handful of Bermuda grass and you just jam it down his throat.

You pinch his nose until he stops moving.

And all you hear is the chorus of green tree frogs while you realize your life has changed forever.

It could happen to anyone.

That's a Buffett story.

I say scooter men.

Scooter adults.

What you're going to want to do in this situation is you're going to want to throw a ball cap on them, stick them in the passenger seat, take the carpool lane south, swing a right on old US-41, a.k.a.

Alligator Alley, ride that bitch till the radio stops working, no muss, no fuss.

And shit!

Miller's Ale's house is open till 2, so you got some time to get some zingers and a nightcap.

Because you're pretty sure that cute bartender Stephanie is working a night and you got to harass her anyway.