Bill Nighy

So I gave it up.

But I have a particular problem, which is I have Jupiter's contracture in both hands, which means that my small fingers rest in my palm all of the time.

So when I shake anybody's hand, it's like I'm sending a message.

And I have got into trouble over the years.

There was a girl years ago when my finger had just started to bend because I wasn't born like that.

It's a gradual bending of the little fingers over time.

And before it was really conspicuous, I had a crush on a girl at work and I didn't trouble her with it, obviously, but it was big and I was mad about it.

And I met her that evening at work.

And then the following morning in the corridor, she was walking by and I said, good morning.

And she said, if you ever try any of that shit with me again, I'm gonna fucking have you.

And I'm only cursing because she did, listeners.

And I didn't know what she was talking about, and she just stormed off.

And then about a month later, maybe I got a letter from her saying, Dear Bill, I'm so, so sorry, but when I was a schoolgirl in Leeds, that meant, do you want to go around the back of the bike shed?

And you think, oh, so I look like someone who might say or indicate that they want to take you around the back of the bike shed.

You know, I must have shaken her hand the night before.

And she thought that I was placing my pinky in her palm in order to send that message.

So I have to be really careful.

And it's dull because I have to spend the first eight minutes explaining my condition to people that I meet for the first time, which is not the greatest way to kickstart the conversation.

So I have a problem in that area.

But I kind of blazon it through a lot of the time now.