Billie Eilish

And I, you know, I think it can be really hard when you're an adult and you have fans that are children to you or, you know, way older than you. Like, I think that it, I think that something about us all kind of feeling like we were growing up together was like, like honestly comforting to me. And also, um, I didn't really have many friends for a couple of years.

Well, so this is what's interesting is we were homeschooled. We didn't go to school, but Phineas and I both had so many friends growing up and we did so many things and there was no shortage of friends. There was no shortage of activities and things to do, which I think can be surprising for people to hear because they kind of think like, well, then how did you meet them?

And we had all sorts of things we did. I was part of a choir and I was in a dance company and I, we did aerial arts and I rode horses and I did gymnastics and I acted and Phineas acted and I was in a, you know, there were so many things that were social for us. And honestly, when I became famous-ish at 14, It was not a good time in terms of like keeping friendships.

I think when you're 14, that's kind of an age where friendships are already kind of rocky. And also all my friends did go to school. So like they were all going to high school and suddenly I had no way of relating to anyone anymore. And I kind of lost all my friends. And I maintained a couple, but those were really challenging to keep even still.

And so for those few years of becoming this like enormous superstar, I was kind of feeling like, wait, what the hell is the point? I don't have any friends and I don't have like, like I'm losing all the things that I love so deeply and all the people that I love.

And so in a way, the fans kind of saved me in that way because they were my age and I felt like they were the only kind of friends I had for a while.

Right. Well, it's funny. Like, I always envied that. I remember like watching, you know, videos of men performing, whoever they may be. And, you know, people throwing bras and underwear and, you know, and I always thought like, oh, that's so awesome. So it's so sick, so powerful. Yeah. I always was just jealous of that and I remember when I was first doing shows

You know, fans throw all sorts of things on stage. They throw gifts and presents and different flags of different kinds. And honestly, like right away, people started throwing bras when we were all, me and the audience, 16. And I loved it. I really did. You know, I spent many years having a lot of...

Not gender dysphoria about my own gender, but I think a lot of women go through the feeling of, you know, just envying men in any kind of way, one way or the other. And for me, I...

would watch videos of different male performers on stage and just feel this like deep sadness in my body that I'll never be able to you know take my shirt off on stage and run around and like not try very hard and like you know just jump around on stage and that's enough and have enough energy from just myself with no backup dancers and no huge stage production and the crowd will still love me.

And that's just like only a man can do that. And because of that, I think more than almost anything else in my career, I was very, very, very determined to kind of prove that

thought wrong and I really did I really feel like I did I I didn't like the kind of pop girl leotard you know backup dancers hair done thing I didn't like that for me I liked it for other people but that didn't resonate with me I never saw myself in those people and I Honestly, I never saw myself in any women that I saw on stage, but I did see myself in the men that I saw on stage.

And I thought that was unfair. And so I did everything that I could to kind of try to break that within myself and the industry.

Yes, exactly correct. I would watch those videos and instead of being jealous of the women who get to be around the hot men, I would be jealous of the hot men and I wanted to be them. And I wanted to dress like them and I wanted to, you know, be able to act like them. And to be fair... I had all sorts of women that I looked up to and artists that are the reason that I am who I am.

And also, I wouldn't have been able, even if I felt the way I did, I wouldn't have been able to achieve it had it not been for the incredibly powerful, strong-willed women artists and people in the public eye that came before me that made it possible for me. So my favorite singers are all kind of

old jazz singers that I've always looked up to and I'm always forcing people to watch videos of Ella Fitzgerald singing live and Julie London singing live and you know Sarah Vaughan and Nancy Wilson and all these people we were watching these videos and every single one of course because of that period of time they're all wearing dresses they're all wearing tight you know corseted maybe dresses with their hair done but like they didn't they couldn't they couldn't

just not do that. You know, that's part of how things were then. And so thank God that those women came before me because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to do anything.

Thank you so much for having us.

I wish you the best for the rest of your life. Felt sorry for you when I looked in your eyes, but I need to confess I told you a lie. The love of my life Did I break your heart Did I waste your time I tried to be there for you

Then you tried to break mine It isn't asking for a lot for an apology For making me feel like I'd kill you if I tried to leave You said you'd never fall in love again because of me Then you moved on