Billie Eilish

Well, you know, we started making music when I was about 13. And as most 13-year-olds, I had not, you know, grown into my body and my voice and all the things that you age into as a human. And I always, you know, it's funny, like when things like that happen at a young age, you kind of have this idea that that's how things are going to be forever.

And so in my mind at the time, my voice was going to sound like it did then forever I thought it was going to be soft and my range wasn't going to be very big and I wasn't ever going to be able to belt and I wasn't ever going to be able to you know have much of a chest mix in my voice and you know I spent many years touring and singing and doing shows and My voice matured and started to change.

And in the making of Hit Me Hard and Soft, I started working with a singing teacher, which I hadn't done since I was a kid in my choir. And I kind of always felt hesitant to and kind of...

embarrassed to somehow and it completely has just honestly changed my life and I mean I've just my voice has just gotten you know 10 times better in the last two years and what's amazing is it's just gonna keep getting better

No, that's just how I sang. That's what's funny about it. I just, you know, I was like, I couldn't really do much else. Like I didn't have the range. I didn't have the strength in my vocal cords and my breathing, you know. And think about, you know, how your voice sounded when you were a kid opposed to now. It's a completely different thing.

was easy getting over

I think though, honestly, even though it was a lot for a young brain and body to deal with, um, In a way, the fact that I was a teenager and they were also teenagers somehow felt less kind of... I don't know. I think I just felt so connected to them because we were all the same age. And I think it can be really hard when you're an adult and you...

have fans that are children to you or, you know, way older than you. Like, I think that it, I think that something about us all kind of feeling like we were growing up together was like, like honestly comforting to me. And also, um, I didn't really have many friends for a couple of years.

Well, so this is what's interesting is we were homeschooled. We didn't go to school, but Phineas and I both had so many friends growing up and we did so many things and there was no shortage of friends. There was no shortage of activities and things to do, which I think can be surprising for people to hear because they kind of think like, well, then how did you meet them?

And we had all sorts of things we did. I was... part of a choir and I was in a dance company and I, we did aerial arts and I rode horses and I did gymnastics and I acted and Phineas acted and I was in a, you know, there were so many things that were social for us. And honestly, when I became famous-ish at 14, It was not a good time in terms of like keeping friendships.

I think when you're 14, that's kind of an age where friendships are already kind of rocky. And also all my friends did go to school. So like they were all going to high school and suddenly I had no way of relating to anyone anymore. And I kind of lost all my friends and I maintained a couple, but those were really challenging to keep even still.

And so for those few years of becoming this like enormous superstar, I was kind of feeling like, wait, what the hell is the point? I don't have any friends and I don't have like, like I'm losing all the things that I love so deeply and all the people that I love.

And so in a way, the fans kind of saved me in that way because they were my age and I felt like they were the only kind of friends I had for a while.

Right. Well, it's funny. Like, I always envied that. I remember like watching, you know, videos of men performing, whoever they may be. And, you know, people throwing bras and underwear and, you know, and I always thought like, oh, that's so awesome. So it's so sick, so powerful. I always was just jealous of that, and I remember when I was first doing shows...

You know, fans throw all sorts of things on stage. They throw gifts and presents and different flags of different kinds. And honestly, like right away, people started throwing bras when we were all, me and the audience, 16. And I loved it. I really did. You know, I spent many years having a lot of...

Not gender dysphoria about my own gender, but I think a lot of women go through the feeling of, you know, just envying men in any kind of way, one way or the other. And for me, I...

would watch videos of different male performers on stage and just feel this like deep sadness in my body that I'll never be able to you know take my shirt off on stage and run around and like not try very hard and like

you know, just jump around on stage and that's enough and, you know, have enough energy from just myself with no backup dancers and no, you know, huge stage production and the crowd will still love me. And that's just like, only a man can do that. And because of that, I think more than almost anything else in my career, I was very, very, very determined to kind of prove that

thought wrong and I really did I really feel like I did I I didn't like the kind of pop girl leotard you know backup dancers hair done thing I didn't like that for me I liked it for other people but that didn't resonate with me I never saw myself in those people and Honestly, I never saw myself in any women that I saw on stage, but I did see myself in the men that I saw on stage.

And I thought that was unfair. And so I did everything that I could to kind of try to break that within myself and the industry.