Bob
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
Hey! Don't fucking touch me! And you, clean up that over there! Yeah! I'm the man of the house.
That's all. And then Toby's upstairs just twitching.
And it's still L. It's L looking down at a giant fucking... It's L looking down at a giant fucking cuphead flower.
They call him Tiki Toby because he has Tourette's tics.
I'm pretty sure that's the opening to an Avenged Sevenfold song, but... No, that's definitely a mule.
This is actually an old Morgan three-wheeled. It's the original car. It's a one-cylinder engine trying to start. Wait, I know this one. I'm Gilbert Gottfried. I know this one. It's like 88 BPM.
I'm sorry, I don't think there's a third.
All right. I have to move my mic for this, but here we go.
every time I hear that sentence I think of him oh it's a European swallow no that's what your mother did to me last night Rebecca damn you Connery I think this is yeah I think that's a loon Spot on!
It's a bird! No, there are a lot of loons.
Last time I failed so miserably, I've been secretly practicing animal noises quite a lot in my free time.
I think I know this one, too. Oh, yes, the AR-15. What the fuck? What the hell? No, no, yeah. I think I know what that is.
No, that's not the animal I was thinking. I was thinking it was, it was mimicking like human sounds. Like it was mimicking like forestry where, cause there's bird, there are birds that can like mimic whatever sound that here, right? That's I've actually seen a shoe bill before.
Yeah, no, it's hilarious because it looks like a prairie dog, if you don't know, for the listeners. They open their mouth like they're screaming when they make this noise. They really do. They're all... I did a quick Google, and I'm finding, yes, marmots and prairie dogs are fairly related. They both belong to the scuridae family, which includes squirrels, ground squirrels.
However, they belong to different... Lemurs? Different genera. Marmota for marmots and cinnomies for prairie dogs. They share similarities. They're rodents.
I thought I was going to say that and you were going to be like, it's a bat.
I want the pitch. I want to match it. Can we harmonize? Fucking turning into the Matrix over here. Ah! I gotta be honest, I was just gonna whistle. Yeah. But that's not the same quality. It honestly sounds like his normal speaking voice is a lot lower. And he was like, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, look! Look how high I can sing! Ah!
Wait, I know this one. I know this one. This is actually, it's misleading because it's edited. That is cut three minutes into a video that started with Tyler laughing. And then it progresses and progresses. And if you drop the needle three-ish minutes in, that's actually the sound of Tyler almost dying from laughing.
I don't know if I have anything that's going to help me on this one.
Do I get to go first? Sorry, that was kind of an experiment.
All right. That's not working. That really hurts.
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Did you bug it in a pan, in a loaf pan, or just like on a big sheet?
I have also done that, and it's always surprising when you do it, and then it turns out and it's bread, and you're like... Oh, I've also fucked up some breads really good, so it is possible to fuck them up real good.
It's a music fraternity. And we sold grilled cheese every Wednesday at lunch in CCM in the big, I don't know, entry, whatever the fuck it's called, atrium. And I was in charge of that for like two years. And I took it from...
thing where it was like the night before one of the dudes would go to Kroger and get some bread and some country crock and some cheese and they would sell it to where I had like a journal of like I kept accounting and I kept and we did specials where I got special bread and special cheese and you could get a dollar for a plain grilled cheese or like a few bucks for like a fancy grilled cheese.
We added tomato soup at some point. That was a big seller. You could add on a little cup of tomato soup for 50 cents with your grilled sheet. It was a whole thing. I turned that bitch into a profitable enterprise. I was going, I was buying eight, 10 loaves of bread, the whole like gallon of country crock, piles of cheese, all this stuff.
Yeah, well, they really tried to kill it off. When I took it over, we used to do it in like the atrium entryway of CCM, which was like this big open space. It was really cool. There's just a counter there. And we just plugged in an electric griddle. And they were like, oh, you can't do that.
I mean, I'm I'm pretty sure that there's a distinction between like setting up a restaurant and like kids are allowed to have lemonade stands on the side of the road. I'm not saying this is exactly the same thing.
But there's something in between you're not allowed to ever sell any food and you have to be a licensed, regulated, health inspected restaurant where it's like you're allowed to sell like a lemonade stand or like cookies.
We made like 40 cents a grilled cheese or something. And on the expensive ones, we made a much better margin. But that was just savvy business.
Yeah, yeah. Almost there. This is part of the process.
Oh, I disqualified that one because. Oh, I should have.
It's just like, this is the joke you tell about a rich business guy and there's a baby and he's holding a lollipop. Like, you want a lollipop? And then laughing and punching the baby. What actually happened was the players were in the locker room and one of their stars saw on the TV that the kid was getting the PS5 and he was like, hey, I don't have a PS5. What the hell?
And they were like, oh, wait, take that back. That's the only one. Give that to the star. Give the kid a jersey or something. It'll be fine.
four players on the hornets are making close to i don't know 70 000 or 70 million dollars this year just the first four i see their salaries and they were like 300 ps5 like lamello ball is under contract for this year for 35 million dollars and change and then they're like ah but that 300 ps5 for the christmas on court skit it's a bold move cotton let's see if it pays off
Mark, this was a great story to bring up. And I absolutely love when corporations do something good and then look like assholes when they make the most boneheaded decisions afterward. I'm just still trying to understand like there. It was a skit. OK, fine. They called it a skit. It was a skit. I'm trying to piece together what the joke was.
Like, it was a skit because they were like, oh, we'll pretend to give him a PS5, but we'll actually give him something he wants even more, a jersey. Mm-hmm. Like, the cheerleaders, apparently, nobody was in on it. Like, one person knew that it was a skit and was, like, whispering to apparently the uncle, like... The kids aren't actually keeping this stuff. It's what?
It just goes to show no company ever has your goodwill in mind. It's only to garner support and look like they're good and make you think that they're nice. Everything else is a smokescreen. I want to see the meeting where they were like, all right, what should we do? We need like an encore. Let's have someone come on the court. It's Christmas. What if we give a kid a present he really wants?
But what if we take it away and give him a jersey instead? Because a jersey is an even greater gift. Yeah, that'll go great. All right, Johnson. Good work. Smoke break. Everybody, mandatory smoke break. Get outside. Get outside now.
I have no fucking clue who Carol Channing is, but I know that Ryan loves doing an impression. I looked her up one time and I was like, Ryan's impression makes no sense, but I'm sticking with it. She's doing a bad Carol Channing impression. Who is Carol? I've never looked this up. Carol Channing.
That was actually a surprisingly large amount of small talk, but that's okay because the episode idea I have for today is one of those ones where in my head, it sounds like it's totally an episode, but the more I've thought about it and written things down for it to talk about, the more I've been like, wow, this might be awful. So we're going to do it anyway. No, I'm sure it'll be fine.
I'm sure it'll be fine. Wade, I'm going to give you the segue point for this, even though the segue that you made was about 25 minutes ago. Thank you. And I'm going to spell segue like the gyroscopically stabilized mode of transportation and not like segue. That's because we're wheeling right over to the topic. Order is important, Wade. You're right. Order matters.
Just like this is the last episode of the year. What did I say? When did I say that? It was a long time ago. It was like right at the top. The order in which you do things, especially some things, matters a lot. And I have a lot of food stuff here, but we'll talk about a wide range of things. Specifically, I just want to talk about what order we do things in and who does it correctly.
So like for starters, we can talk about this, but this one is not the most engaging. The order you make a sandwich. Oh, yes, I knew it. I had it in my brain. Oh, it's like a normal pretend. It's like you're making yourself the most deluxe sandwich you can. It's like a normal at home sandwich with all your usual stuff.
Are we including getting the ingredients out or are we assuming they're already there? I like where your head is at. Include getting the ingredients out if that's a thing that you have order for. Do we get points taken off if we don't eat a lot of things on our sandwiches? No, no, it's all about the order.
We're just I'm not we I'm going to decide whose order is more correct is basically the way the points get divvied out here. So but there's not like one point per thing there. If you have good reasoning, you know, you know how I keep score. I'm Drew Carey. Who wants to go first? Me. Well, he said it. That's fast. Mark, you're up first. The obvious first step. And this is something I'll defend.
Because some people don't do it and they're still wrong if they don't do it. You should do this first. Check the bread. I always check the bread. Not that I have it, but for mold. For mold. For mold. Because it's been there a long time. For mold. Oh, my God. Exactly. Check the bread for mold. I always assume there's bread around. And I assume that because if there isn't, it's been thrown away.
And that's not me. It's there somewhere. Yeah. And it's probably if it's old, I'll see the mold. I love that catchphrase. I say it every time. If it's old, I'll see the mold. It's like an infomercial. It's just perfect. Do you have one of those mold defying glasses? I want it to be a negative point, but I have to give you a point for that because it actually it actually tickled me.
It's going to be one of those episodes. Go on. You've checked the bread. It's fine. Oh, am I going the whole way? Unless you want to toss it back and forth. But I'm interested. I'm intrigued because that is a very thoughtful first step. I got taken by that recently. I didn't make a sandwich.
I was trying to like just have some toast like bread with peanut butter on it, like a breakfast toast in the morning thing. Didn't realize till I was taking a bite of toasted bread and I was like, oh, that tastes moldy. Fuck. I didn't die yet, so I'm sure it's fine. So I'll keep going then. I can't say the specifics of the order, but once I've checked the bread, it's to the fridge, right?
Who is... She's the lady from the movie where she's got the gun and she's like, I knew what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or seven? Oh, right. That's Carol Channing. She passed away four years ago. At 97 years old, born in 1921. That's a good life. Well, I mean, I don't know the quality, I guess. It's a long life. Let's say good. Let's just say good.
Almost all of my ingredients for whatever sandwich besides a PB&J are fridge-based. Well, actually, 50% of it are fridge-based, I guess, in a PB&J. Unless it's New J. Could be New J. Yes, you're right. But I go to the fridge no matter what.
I open the fridge, stand there, because I've forgotten what I was making, looking around, I eye the cheese, I eye the giant block of cheddar that's there in the drawer, and I go, hmm, that's easier than a sandwich. Oh, a sandwich! And then I grab the mayonnaise. Hey, a sandwich! I grab the mayonnaise and the lunch meats because it's in the same tray as the cheese.
And then I grab the sliced cheese if I have it. Most of the time I don't because I've eaten it. So any sliced cheese goes very quickly because it's slightly easier than chopping off my own cheese from the block. And I don't do that for a sandwich. That's the wrong kind of cheese. Wrong kind of cheese. Once I grab all of it, I grab it all in one. I don't tink, tink. Grab it all.
Hip, close the fridge. Plop it on the counter. Grab a paper towel. Rip it off. Lay it on the counter. Put the two pieces of bread on the paper towel. Grab a knife. Mayonnaise first. Meat. More meat. Cheese. Sometimes I'll do ketchup. Not ketchup. That doesn't go on that sandwich. Mustard. The other thing. Mustard. Sometimes...
A long time ago, I told you a bologna ketchup and sliced pickle sandwich. Very good, but not for here. It's usually like ham, turkey, roast beef, provolone cheese if I have it. Anything else if I have that. A mayonnaise on the other side. I don't usually do veggies or anything. And I slap that bad boy on there. Close it up. If I'm feeling fancy, I'll cut it diagonally.
Wrap it in the paper towel that I just had there. Nom, nom, nom, nom. I will say, cutting your sandwiches at home, underrated. It's a different thing to eat a sandwich that's been cut, especially on the diag. That's a nice touch. I do appreciate that. And you said you put, you put the, you build the sandwich on the counter, but you put a paper towel down? Or do you just literally lay it on?
Yeah, paper towel down, paper towel down, bread on there, mayonnaise on one side, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop, not plop, plop, not plop, plop, plop, plop. You know, when you make a sandwich, plop, plop, plop, plop. You know? Oh, we all know about plapping. I know how to make a sandwich, all right? Then eat, yeah. A lot of that, I gotta say, content-wise, a lot of that matches up with how I do it.
There were a couple interesting choices. Wade, hit me with it. I'm debating whether I want to give you my real thing or if I just want to go fucking wild. I mean, you can lie if that's what you're here for, I guess. I don't know. I just I'm imagining like instead of spreading the jelly on the bread, you spread it on your hand and then just slap it on the bread and smear it off. What the fuck?
That's the thing. I wouldn't believe that you did that. No, okay, so I'll go PB&J because that sounds the best to me right now. I had like a sub yesterday with like meat and cheese. So right now a PB&J just sounds good. But if I'm going to have a PB&J, the first thing I always do, I do check the bread, but I also check and make sure I've got milk because I need milk with a PB&J.
So I got to have milk that's in, that's good. And I also am like 10 years old, so I have to have either chips or SpaghettiOs with my sandwiches. Oh. Whoa, whoa. SpaghettiOs goes with PB&J? It goes with ham and cheese, PB&J, whatever. I like it with both. Those are not the same kind of sandwich, but I'll allow it.
I have a topic for today's episode, as the host often does. I have an idea. Bye. I like this. When you search Carol Channing, the questions are, what was Carol Channing famous for? And the second one is, why did Carol Channing say raspberries? That didn't help at all. I thought that if there was a bright behind me, it wouldn't be like, oh, that background's bright enough.
To give you my order of operations, I check, make sure I have all my ingredients, that they're all still good. And then it's timing. I eat two sandwiches and a bowl of SpaghettiOs, but the timing has to be right. So I get a bowl, I open up the can of SpaghettiOs, put them in the bowl, scrape out the can, rinse out the can, whatever.
And then I put a paper towel over the bowl and put it in the microwave because SpaghettiOs like to out everywhere and make your microwave dirty. So you have to like wrap it and tuck the corners under the bowl, which gets to be really annoying because one corner always wants to untuck. But you get it tucked in, you put it in there, and I think SpaghettiOs are like two minutes.
Put it in the microwave, get all my ingredients for making sandwiches ready to go. Got my, you know, knife for the spreading of peanut butter. I use a spoon for the jelly. And then it's like, timer, start. Two minutes, gotta make my sandwiches. I get a plate, four pieces of bread, and I grab two, set them down, two, set them down. I do two sandwiches.
Oh, right, I must have missed that part, sorry. Two, set them down, two, set them down. And then I flip the two over, so that way they're two pieces of bread that line up properly. So, yeah, so the butts are touching. So I know which jelly goes to which peanut butter. And then I start with the jelly. I do the jelly first and lay that down. Jelly, lay that down. Then peanut butter, put it on top.
Peanut butter, put it on top. But when I eat them, I flip and I eat jelly on top because peanut butter likes to stick to the roof of my mouth. So I want jelly on top when I eat. And then usually microwaves about done when the sandwiches are done. Put my stuff away, stir the SpaghettiOs or pour my chips, whatever what I'm doing. Pour my glass of milk, sit down, eat.
I'm defending a piece that he does here really strongly because he's very right about the order that you do the peanut butter and jelly. He's correct. Jelly first. Why? Because you can lick the knife and it'll be clean going into the peanut butter. But if you do peanut butter first, you can't really get it off going into the jam.
I don't mind a little jam in my peanut butter and spit, I guess, but also I wipe it on the paper towel. So I use two different utensils. I use a knife for the peanut butter and a spoon for the jelly, but the peanut butter? Fuck this guy. I hope he burns in hell. This guy is the reason America is going the way it is. Wait, say the reason out loud. Bring it home.
Because you spread the peanut butter and then you dip it back in and you get a finger full of peanut butter from your clean finger you eat, but then the knife's still clean because your finger was clean, so you get one more. But then you've got saliva on the knife, so then the knife goes, has to be in the sink. But you get two just bites of peanut butter by itself.
This is a man of sin, of waste, of gluttony and excess. Oh, I'm sorry, we just got unlimited silverware here. I only grew up with one knife that we all had to share. We all had to share that knife. When I was done, I licked it, handed it to my brother. He licked it clean so my germs weren't on it. Stick it in the jam. Peanut butter.
And then we just, you know, we use our long dog-like tongues to lick it out of the jar. Look, let me just throw this out there. I respect Wade's reasoning. If you use a knife to get jelly out of a jar, there is something wrong with you as a person. Oh, I'm sorry. There is something that malfunctions. Your crossed or broken fingers can't have the manual dexterity to navigate jam out with a knife.
What are you? We're out here and I just see ting, ting, ting, and we're scared. Scraping it out and like an animal. I churn the jelly with the spoon and then get it out. Churn it with the knife. He still can't scoop it out. Yes, you can. What kind of jam are you doing? You're doing the liquidy crappy jam, not the preserves. Are you not doing the preserves?
Wade, what he's telling us is he doesn't put enough on that he doesn't encounter this as a problem. That's what he's telling us. Listen, the jam, you don't need as much as you do to the peanut butter. Oh. You need more jelly than peanut butter. No! You need a lot of peanut butter, but you need more jelly. Listen, I don't need that much jam.
You really just look like you're green screened in at this point. Look, I could be in Mark's office too! Editor's explode Mark's background! Wait till I do this. I'll give you something to explode on. No. There we go. There we go. There we go. Guys, my capture card is broken. Dune! What? Dune? You're in Dune! I'm in Dune. Doesn't that look like the palace in... Wait! Hit the screech!
I need the peanut butter, which is why I built a peanut butter wall around the bread, edge of the bread, so the jam doesn't leak out. If you put too much jam in there, it's going to explode.
bloat everywhere that's why i'm a fast eater and i'm like you have to watch your bite it's like a whole act of like it's a game it's a bit you have to take a bite it's like how's the other side look i gotta get that oh you don't need peanut butter defending your borders you are the border defense you eat your way to the center and none of it leaks out I'm sorry.
Listen, you're trying to tell me that you need a spoon as a crutch to get jam out. It's not a crutch. It's just the way it's done. And it's because you like the mess that it makes after it's spilling out of your sandwich. I've never in my life had a mess from eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I do it right. I haven't either because I do it right also. A wall of peanut butter.
You have more peanut butter than jelly on your peanut butter. Yes, of course you do. Oh, what do you glue your mouth shut and die every time you eat one? It's delicious. Yeah, dude, you got to have a lot of jelly. It's got to be the top layer in your mouth. The jelly is the part, the reward for the peanut. You can have peanut butter on toast whenever you want. That's not exciting.
The jelly is the thing that spices it up. If you like the jelly so much and you eat the jelly up, it doesn't touch your tongue. You do jelly down so it gets to your tongue. If you chew your food, it all touches everything. Oh, this guy said he ate fast. He ain't chewing nothing. Wade's hawking it down like a snake and an egg. I do chew. I'm a fast eater, but I do chew. I have a question, though.
I've never done this. I blew my own mind years ago whenever it was like I wanted like a ham and cheese, but I also wanted a grilled cheese. So I was like, what if I just put ham on there and grill it in a grilled ham and cheese? Very good. Has anyone ever done a grilled PB&J? Yes, it's delicious.
What you what you really want to do to perfect it because you don't really want to squeeze it because of the nature of a peanut butter and jelly air fryers. You take, you'd make a peanut butter and jelly. If you want the pro-est of pro tips, it sounds gross. Mayonnaise is the thing that you want on the outside of a grilled cheese sandwich. No, no. Mayonnaise. No. Oh my God.
You put it on the outside and then you toast it in the air fryer. No. It gets a thicker crust than butter ever could have dreamed of having. This is from one of those stupid food blogs that some asshole was like, That person should be shot. I've been doing this since like 2015. And that's when you were the blog post. You made it. I'm not a mayonnaise guy, so I don't know if I'd like it or not.
It doesn't taste like mayonnaise. It tastes the same as any other grease that myards on the outside of a grilled cheese. Oh, it's it's terrible because it started this epidemic of people all all of a sudden being like, oh, you know, you don't put butter on grilled cheese. You put mayonnaise and it's like, I like mayonnaise. It don't belong on the outside of your grilled cheese.
You just butter it and it's fine. We've tried it here because Amy was also like, oh, you put mayonnaise. I was like, that's and I even heard that. I was like, it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And then you tried it. It's still the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
take my points i don't care take them take them away mark mark turned into wade at some point during this exchange god i didn't know i was doing this podcast with barbarian heathens heretics no do you want to know why mayonnaise is good and why it's useful do you keep counter butter Do you keep warm butter in your house or is your butter all refrigerated? It's refrigerated.
Because spreading cold refrigerated butter onto soft sandwich bread, I might as well just fucking put it in a blender and then drink it. Because it destroys everything. There's no... Put it in the microwave. The man who won't use a second utensil wants me to microwave butter instead of just using the mayonnaise that's already on the counter while I'm making a sandwich?
Look, you put it in the microwave in the package for five seconds. It's soft. It doesn't melt. You microwave the whole thing of butter just for one little bit? Why not? Just to soften it. Because it fucking melts the whole thing of butter. Because then you take the stick of butter that is soft and you rub it on your bread. You, sir, are the barbarian. Cut it. You take the stick.
Bread dingleberries on a whole stick of butter. You lick it clean. Oh, my God. It gets worse and worse. All right. I don't do that. Where are we going? What's happening? I don't do that. I don't want people to think I do that. I'm always used to being one of the ones yelling. It's so much fun to watch you two go at it. Isn't it fun? Isn't it fun? I don't lick the butter after I'm done.
Before we move on from sandwiches, I do have a question, and I feel like this might just be me being a special kind of insane. Bread loaves that you buy from the store, they have like a dome. The top is like a dome shape, right? So each slice of bread, it's not like it's a flat side. There's like a curve to it, right?
So there's one side that's slightly bigger and one side that's slightly smaller of the slice of bread because of the nature of the sloped top part. Like a muffin. You have the muffin top. Whenever I make a sandwich, I specifically line it up so it's big side to big side, which means that one of them gets like flipped around.
I'll cue up the point! Ahhhh! It started actually on almost the correct note. That actually was really close. Yeah, but then he didn't understand what you were trying to get him to do. Yeah, I don't know what the hell you're referencing. What's wrong with that one part of Dune? Wait. This is a really inconvenient cutout that definitely won't be exploited.
Is this a thing that you guys ever think about in life or am I just crazy? Because I can't if I make a sandwich and it's not like that. And then you have like the uneven bread. I'm like, ugh. You don't want that. This is why when you pull out the slices, right? The four slices that I use for two sandwiches, you pull out those four, put them into twos that are touching.
And then I flip them like long ways so that they're like small squared offside to small squared offside. And then they close back up. It's like opening a clam and closing a clam shell almost. That way you have the right two pieces of bread and the correct sides touching.
The correct way is actually, if you really want to do it, you take the, the slices mirror at the other end of the loaf and you, you have to reach in and obviously it takes a lot of work, but once you get down in there, you, you find it's match. And then that slope that it goes up on the dome fits perfectly.
And whereas the other one is like slight, I get what you're saying is like slightly bigger to big, but it's still slightly. Oh, the whole slice is slightly bigger. It's yeah. It's still not, it doesn't match up perfectly. The outside would be, but the insides line up perfectly as long as they're the ones touching. All you have to do, no, Mark is right. And I've never done this.
All you have to do is open bread loaves from both ends. Oh God, hold on, no. You just go in from the outside. Yes. Don't go to the other end. Don't air, don't let the air touch it. You would go, so if you want one sandwich, the first slice, the first sandwich you get, you'll take, you'll take away the heel because no one eats the heel. The heel's a good part.
You leave the heel for defense and you use that. Yeah, the heel's the defense. You don't eat the heel. I eat the heel, but you leave that. You take out the first slice. You go all the way to the other end for the other slice. I don't say I do this, but I'm saying it is there. No, no. It's perfect. That's perfect.
other two are close enough together and they line up because they were where the cut was made they're slightly different they're slightly different but the mirror piece is the actual correct piece assuming it's a perfectly symmetrical loaf generally they they are they're manufactured even if it's not then this one may not have the first two might not have a mirror piece but the next two will like at some point there is a there's a majority of mirrors yeah but where it was cut you know those two sides line up yeah but then it's one bigger and one smaller that's okay
That's interesting. That's interesting. You know what? I feel like we arrived for where we were in the middle of that. I feel like we arrived at a really good place on sandwiches. Anyway, order matters. Great episode, bub. Yeah, well, I have a bunch of other stuff. No, I want more. I want more. I want to do another food one because I'm curious about this. I hope you bring up cereal.
I hope to God you bring up cereal. Oh, that one's quick and easy. Okay. How can you screw this up? There's only one answer with cereal. Let's do that real quick. Cereal. Oh, here we go. Bowl of cereal. What order? Oh, I'm going to roll up the sleeves. You put your bowl down. You pour milk in it. Then you pour your cereal. I'll die on this hill, and there's so many reasons.
All you sheeple out there that think it's like, oh, you pour your cereal first, then your milk. No, you pour your milk first, so you have a fixed quantity of milk. The elements that you're fighting is time till sogginess.
If you have your milk first, you get the quantity of milk that you want, and then you pour cereal a little bit at a time so it never becomes soggy, and then you will have a perfect ratio of cereal to milk at the end of it, because you will pour exactly as much cereal as that milk requires in the duration that it needs to be poured! So the, the just sogginess thing is always the argument.
And like, that's correct to me, but I've never understood, you know, how, how I do it is you pour the cereal first and you pour a small amount of milk and then you eat down the side. Oh,
so that you're eating the part that's in the milk as it's getting milk saturated before it gets soggy there's not enough milk like for me like less than a quarter of the bowl is ever touching milk at any given moment why why if you pour milk first and your cereal floats you get like five cheerios before it's floating over the edge of the giant bowl of milk that you just poured how much do you fill it with milk i don't know i assume if you pour milk first you pour a lot because you're a fucking weirdo like a
I'm sure no one will ever do anything wrong with this. Random unrelated question. How wide can you open your mouth? Oh, really wide. No. Wow. I hate this. Everything. I hate everything. How about this? Oh, look at that. Is this the whole is this is this small talk? Is this your small talk? No, I got other small talk. Let's do small talk. Let's move on to small talk. Wait, go ahead. Yeah.
third of it in there you don't want a lot of milk but you're just you the way you're describing it you're a milk first or in denial you're a milk first or i would just rather have my cereal maxed out and then the left milk to make it very delicious to eat i don't have time to pour cereal 30 times for one meal i fill that bowl like three quarters with cereal i pour like half full of milk and then it's like a hot dog eating competition man i'm
I'm ravenous, I'm a fast eater, and I am pouring through that thing. You don't need to do that if you just pour your milk first. I like it, and I wouldn't change it. And how many times have you been there when you have your cereal, you pour your milk, and suddenly you're like, oh shit, I don't have enough milk. I gotta go pour more. You can tell how much milk you have.
It's never ever happened because when I pick the milk out of the fridge, I know exactly if I have enough or not enough milk. Then pour that amount into your bowl. You know what I've had happen, which is even more sad, is whenever I'm preparing for this and I go to pour the cereal and the box weighs so much, I'm like, oh, there's at least enough for a bowl. And like four pieces of cereal come out.
And that's it. Well, that's a whole other issue. That's another issue. That sounds like a skill issue. Yeah, that's a different issue. Well, nobody gets any points for that. I feel very conflicted now. Oh, it is cereal first. It is milk first. Wade, somehow you're right, but very wrong. And somehow, Mark, you're right, but also wrong.
And I don't understand how this is where we arrived at, but I find it very confusing. Crunchy cereal is better, but you don't milk first. Well, you're just accepting soggy cereal as your life? I think Wade's argument is he eats it so fast it doesn't have a chance to get soggy, but that's not how I eat cereal. Cereal is fun. I want to enjoy that. I don't want to just... I enjoy it.
The truth of the matter is, full bowl of cereal fast, refill because there's still milk, more, more. The milk reload is always nice. Cause then you're putting cereal into cereal flavored milk. And then you get, especially if it's something like, or those, the cinnamon toast crunch milk. Yeah. That's a whole separate kind of, that's like a special experience. But that's a milk first thing too.
You, it gets progressively more cereal than by the bottom of it. When you're finishing out the exact ratio that those last bites are just as delicious. Now you pour it over the cinnamon toast crunch and it gets that loose granules off and saves it for later. Yeah. What? You're just stripping your top layers of cereal of their cinnamon? Put it in the milk for later. Let's move on to a stupider one.
What order do you get dressed in? This is not a complicated process, unless you're putting on like a three-piece suit or something. What order do you get dressed in? Because there's kind of an order you have to get dressed in, but there are choices along the way. Are we saying like you're taking a shower, getting out of the shower, getting dressed for the day or something?
You are starting as you were born with nothing around you or upon you. How do you begin to clothe yourself from 100% naked state? All right, I'm going to take this like getting out of the shower. Am I first? Mark first. Go ahead. Mark seems to be pondering. It is underwear first, then for me, usually shorts, then shirt. And if I'm going out and about, it's socks.
Well, sometimes I'll do, okay, if I'm going out and about, sometimes it's socks after underwear before pants or shorts. Sometimes jeans can just be annoying to deal with whenever you're trying to put socks on. So if I'm doing socks, then it's underwear, socks, shorts, shirt. If I'm just hanging around the house, underwear, pants slash shorts, then shirt.
So you're a no socks in the house kind of person though? Nah, I don't really need them. I'm not like a cold person. I feel like socks, I get warm, so I don't really need socks in the house. I'm either socks, but I never walk around with bare feet in my house. I have slippers on if I don't have socks. I'm barefoot. Gross, disgusting human being that you are.
That makes sense, along with your jelly tastes. Dude, growing up, my mom had a pool whenever I was, like, in elementary school, and you'd wake up, and it was just like, oh, wake up, put on some swimming trunks, walk outside, hop in the pool. Like, you never needed shoes for anything. Why would you put shoes or socks on to go, like, walk outside?
So I just kind of grew up being used to being barefoot. More convenient. Less to take off and deal with later if I want to swim. More ringworm on your feet. Never had ringworm. My feet are too tough to get it. I don't think he knows what ringworm is. Isn't it hookworm? Isn't hookworm what you get in your feet? Probably. You would know. Please. Worm foot.
So there's a lot going on in life. Family holiday time is and was upon us. This is our last episode before the new year, right? Technically. The last episode was our New Year's episode, so this one's kind of just filler. But this is our last episode of the year. Technically. So I got to tell y'all, really hoping Diablo 4 turns it around because, man, I'm still playing Path of Exile.
That's my favorite Lord of the Rings character. He's basically right. I mean, I can't really argue. It's underwear first. And anyone that actually argues underwear in any other place than first, they might have something wrong with them or they might be magical. That would be very impressive, but not practical for me.
uh i slip into my very comfortable revolutionary briefs first obviously uh and then i stand there and let the the the cool get to me because if i put on anything too fast i start sweating immediately after a hot shower yes i take lukewarm showers i can't do hot showers and i don't overheat if anything i'm chilly when i get out of the shower so i want to get dressed quick because you need that you need the hot shower but you just need to cool down the hot shower is way better
I'm too much of a baby to do the cold after the hot shower because I'm like, I just enjoyed it. Why am I going to make it terrible at the end here? Yeah, so I put on my underwear and I just kind of stand there for a bit, walk around, let myself cool down. Then it's, yeah, I think he's right. It's pants. Sometimes I'm underwear shirt first, but usually it's underwear pants first.
It's whatever I can reach first, honestly. But most of the time, if after a shower, you know, I'm getting properly dressed, it's pants. Yeah. Underwear, pants, shirt, socks are dependent. Socks fit in that order. If I'm going out, yeah, it's like socks, then shirt or shirt, and then socks will come when they come. Yeah, my feet have gotten further away as I've gotten older.
I don't know what's happened. Oh, you mean because you're tall? Yeah. Well, that also just like I feel like I put on a bit more weight. So like whenever I put jeans on, like try something about jeans and socks. It's like I never want to put on socks if I have jeans on. Couldn't tell you what it is. Maybe I need stretchy. Like they have those stretchy jeans that are really comfortable. Yeah.
Do you still wear like hard like hard denim jeans because they have...
think a couple of pairs i have are but like there's something about like you reaching jeans and even if you can like physically stretch sometimes jeans are just like you're not today i haven't worn jeans in a long time i prompted that one by saying it was gonna be stupider and it was i was so i was hoping for some surprises but no no no magical surprises not here not here all right this was just happening we all probably just did this at least in some form
It's still an order, but it's not an order of different things you do. This is one thing that you do. How do you approach unwrapping a present? Assume it's a it's a box. This is not some weird. It's like a box. It's wrapped in a very sort of traditional way where it's like the ends are taped and it's just like a very standard, straightforward wrapping. How do you where do you start?
How do you approach this? I'm going to throw this out there and I want to disclaim it's not me. This is not me. I'm going to describe a psychopath. Oh, OK. OK. A psychopath opening a present, and I know this because I witnessed it all growing up from my brother.
A psychopath opening a present carefully lifts the tape so that it doesn't tear the paper and slowly disassembles the entire wrapping without ripping any of the paper and then removes the present, sets it aside and folds the paper. Why?
why i don't know he didn't do this a lot like but for a while there he was very perfectionist about it he wanted to do it as like a challenge i don't know if he still does because we don't do tons of presents now but he did that stuck with me and so i like a sane person just take the present and go yay
however it'll come off i get it off whatever i see the you don't you don't have a technique you just dive in whatever i there's usually a weakness on wrapping and if it's like a professionally done one you got to go in through the long slide side long slip but you got to be careful because you'll paper cut yourself if you go too fast that shit's sharp especially the professional ones but usually just grab under that first one piece of tape because no one really puts that much effort into taping it or they shouldn't anyway and they go oh
that's it the shush shush method wade so two things here first of all if you get a bag that has like the wrapping paper in it and then like there's just a present under the wrapping paper i am the guy that's like well they might want the bag and the wrapping paper back so i'll like gently take out the wrapping paper and like make sure the bag is okay but if it's a present that has like wrapping paper and tape if it has a bow i'll like undo the bow nicely like okay maybe someone wants to reuse this or whatever try to be thoughtful
Still doing it. We played Path of Exile together. We did. It was fun. We got some good Orbeez. Mark, you going to join us on Path of Exile next time? No. That's what I feel bad about. I should...
But then the wrapping paper, it's you find those folds. It's usually for our family, it's the side folds. And you grab those little triangular fold things and you rip one. And then you have your weakness. And then like Mark, I mean, Mark's right about that rip. Yeah, but I do it to the bags too. I don't give a shit if they want them back. They can get the pieces back.
You get a bag and you don't open it. You just start ripping the bag. Why don't you feel a need to clarify that you don't damage the bag? What kind of sociopath damages a bag that a present comes in? Exhibit A. Exhibit A. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That doesn't make, that makes me feel unsafe. I mean, some people are kind of rough. They'll like dent the bag and they'll be like tear into it.
They'll like fold up or rip the paper inside. It's open. You don't have to do that. However, the present got in there. It comes right back out. I am gentle with the bag because the bag poses a risk. Sometimes they put it nestled into the paper. I've had a nightmare scenario where I pull the paper out. The present came out with it.
It was a glass ornament and it just or some kind of decorative thing. It went right out of the bag and shattered on the floor. And and it's because it was wrapped like the paper was like a you around it. And so when I put one side, it came all out. And so that was that was sad. So I'm careful with that. I do not shush the bags. All right. Well, apparently I'm the crazy one. What do you do?
I don't have a I don't do what your brother did or anything, but I I want it to be satisfying. Thing about opening presents is the ripping randomly is less satisfying to me than maximizing the number of rips, though. You get you start on one end and you get the end open and you kind of work your way. You kind of undress it.
kind of work your hands in and you kind of work your way down and you like rip it all the way down to the other end. But then you also want to enjoy untaping slash tearing the other triangular end part. It's just like, it's like when you do a screen peel, you know, you have like the plastic on the screen. You don't just take it and just go and peel it. You take the plastic and you go.
sorry this is for the view no don't microphone don't do the microphone this is viewers only anyway no i i do have bellatro time i feel bad that i have bellatro time which i don't actually have bellatro time i have time that i should be working on many many other things like playing path of exile 2 with your bud he's not gonna play path of exile way down with your homies Look, it seems really fun.
and you ease it it's like satisfying i do not foreplay my bags man i'm going in her all i'm not saying i do it slowly it's quick but it's it's like maximizing the satisfaction of it this is the type of guy that would rather go to a burlesque show than a good old-fashioned american strip club am i right wade hit it probably yeah oh Are those different in a way that I should understand?
I've never been to a burlesque. I've only been to one strip club and no burlesque, so I must be an American. All right. I've been to Zoo Manity in Vegas. Does that count as burlesque? I don't know where that falls. I don't know, but Star Wars had a burlesque show in Cincinnati recently. I forget what it was called. I heard about that. Did you bring that up? I think you brought that up.
The Empire Strips. Did I talk about that on the show? Yeah, I think you did. Yeah, it's still happening, I think.
disney hasn't shut them down yet nice hey you can't shut down burlesque i assume no one can it's illegal probably i assume man i really should have saved sandwich for last it was just it just started off with a lot of fireworks there and then look i just you know watching youtube go at it doesn't happen often i'm always almost always the one that gets controversially attacked controversially attacked i don't know it's controversial because i get attacked i don't deserve it but like youtube going out it was very entertaining for me
Listeners and watchers, I guess, if you want, tell us what order you do things in by following this order very particularly. Go to the Reddit, find the thread for this episode, make a comment where you talk about what order you do things in. You can't change that order. That's kind of the order that has to happen in. Or you'll just be commenting on some random website on the internet.
What if they make like a word document where they type it out their comment, then they go to the Reddit and just copy paste it. It's some serial killer shit right there. I love it. That is the end of the episode. I really thought I didn't have enough. I have like seven more of these we could talk about, but I do another. I do another episode. We could we could circle back to this.
We could circle back to this. I think some of these other ones are going to have a little more nuance. So we'll have to get to. So maybe we'll circle back. I don't do many things. So the order of things is going to really be interesting if I don't do it. Well, then maybe you could just make it up. The points are... Actually, you know what?
I'm going to read what you got points for, and then I'll say who it was at the end. See if we can figure out who said what. You got points for... Do you feel lucky? That was me. Confusing Homer. Me, yeah. Trombone Trombone. All me. Fair plus honest. Segway spelled wrong. Mold defying glass. I doubt that. Yeah. Under the gun sandwich. Serial confusing and what you got a half point for.
And rapping, I guess. Most of those sound like me. Yeah, that was Wade's points. Mark, you got a point for dune. Really? Why? Secrets.
hornets skit uh check the bread plop plop plop plop plop plop defending wade for some reason uh the mirror pieces of bread and then confusing cereal also earned you half a point uh if you can count you will know that with nine and a half points today's winner is wade Dude, starting the year off right.
I actually ended up giving you a lot of sandwich points, Mark, despite how much we went back and forth on that. But then I think I was just worn out by that. And so I really favored Wade for the whole rest of the episode. Yeah, that makes sense. I get that. But I tried to be fair with the sandwich stuff because I did it. You know what?
I'm not saying it's a bad game. I'm saying I don't have time to get invested into a game. That's why I haven't actually played a lot of games besides casual ones I can pick up. And even when I do, I kind of get too into them because I just don't want to get that into them that it takes up all my time. And I want to play it because I know myself. I want that for you. I want that for me too. I do.
Explain if you want to explain yourself in your loser speech because you have one more opportunity. And anyone that says otherwise is a liar, a worm-footed liar. And I will not tolerate and no one should ever tolerate such people. If you can even call them people. You can. I rest my case. Got him. Wade, winner speech? It's been a rough stretch this last couple of months.
There's been a lot of losses, but if I learned one thing today... It's that if you go head to head with Bob at something and he disagrees with how you feel about it, he's less likely to award you later. And I'm thinking that next time he hosts, I'm going to try to remember that and let Mark wear him out so he gives me more points. And I think that that is absolutely fair.
I also want to point out that I think Mark had four things, Bob, that I had to mark down today. And I think we had two in the last episode. So I just want to make sure we're keeping track of that. I think that's right. But it was fun. I'm glad that we could all agree on most things. The sandwich one being a strange one. I think we pretty much agreed, which is good. Cheers to that.
I hope you all had a great 2024. Here's to 2025. See you all soon. Enjoy taking Mark's image and doing what you like with it. And thank you for another great episode. That was another one. Mark, you're supposed to check with me if it is one. No, no, you're not part of this. That's part. No, that is part of it. There's some else. No, no. Oh, that's another one, Bob. That's for you.
I write that in your column. Well, anyway, thanks so much for watch listening. That was another one. Everybody who watched, listened to this episode, check out Markiplier, LordMany777, or MySkirm. Those are our names. That's the end of the episode and the end of the year. Woo! Oh, wait, that was another one.
Yeah, so we'll see you at the same time we always see you, the next episode, when it comes out on the next time. But it'll be in a whole new year. It's fucking... It's fucking... It's fucking...
I gotta move. I gotta get the movie done. I gotta move on with my life. Mark, this is a long shot, but I just really want this for you in general. You think there will be a point in your life where you circle back around and start just no-lifing wow again at some point?
Like, like you, like you've made, you've made your dreams, you've done things and you're not like in the middle of trying to pursue things that you're really passionate about. You're, it's more like you've got some more time. Things have opened up. Will you circle back? Assuming wow is still, you know, in the next three decades, we'll still be there. If you ever want to go back to it.
Oh, for sure. It's not going anywhere. I'm sure. Probably. Maybe you think that's possible because wow. Mark was like a whole different human being. Yeah. That I don't even know who that person is anymore. I,
I've tried to play WoW almost every expansion I kick it back up again and it's fun for the leveling experience I like some of the changes Dragonflight I know that's already like two expansions behind by now but Dragonflight was fun made a lot of soup I like the soup minigame that was fun you know leveled up the new dragon people were pretty fun I like the new things but at the same time it's like the reason that I really got into it was less about that the game was so fun it
It was because there was a very specific social circumstance that made me feel like I belonged and that I was valued because my skill was good, where I could be useful, and I was a healer, and I had a very close core group of people that I like to play with a lot of. So I did it more for them.
All my times playing WoW a lot were because I was in a guild that I really liked and I wanted to be around. I don't see myself doing that again because almost everything is, Are you Mordor?
it's my own fault because i made my character named markiplier so uh but even if i hit it like usually as soon as i start talking you know the game's up but go with chomboni trombone they'll never know it's you damn it why'd you reveal it that name a hundred percent is taken wade well it'll be taken after this episode so i gotta go get back into it and claim it on every server get on it now and no one will know it's you everyone forget this expunge this episode from their minds editors delete their minds
Hello and welcome to another episode of distractible. Uh, my name is Bob. I'll be your host because I won the last one. Uh, my competitors for today will be Mark and Wade. They're competing for that's right. Studio audience, the opportunity to host the next episode. Yeah. If you've never seen the show before, I'm Drew Carey. That's the rules. Am I Ryan because I'm tall or Colin because I'm bald?
I'm curious to see what that's going to look like in the final cut. Yeah, I have no idea what that's going to do. You should look at the Path of Exile 2 skill tree. I've seen it. It's nightmarishly huge. How does anyone actually fill that up? No, honestly, I've only played one character a little bit, and it's terrifying. I don't care for the BOE. It's very Final Fantasy X-esque.
i was gonna say it reminds me of the final fantasy 10 and i fucking hated that so oh i remember that one the stupid orb web of final fantasy 10 when it's just like yeah it's like infinite and i hated it i loved i loved the water soccer minigame and i wish that it gave any other type of reward in the game because i played the shit out of it i wish you got experience or something like i spent all the time i should have been grinding blitzball with waka dude blitzball was awesome
I had friends who didn't even actually play that game who knew what Blitzball was and had played it because people would be like, you gotta play Blitz. Just try this. Just try this mini game. The Zanarkand Abe's. The Zanarkand Abe's. How do you remember that? I looked that one up. I didn't remember the name. How is your memory so good? Oh. Nothing escapes Wade's steel trap of a mind. Wow.
Final Fantasy X was the first RPG I ever watched anyone play or played. And the only one I played after that, the only thing I watched it after was Summoner. But like those were my introductions to RPGs. So I have a lot of memories of those two specifically because they blew my mind.
After playing like Twisted Metal, it's like, well, I guess I had Diablo, but Diablo feels different than Final Fantasy does in the way that you do things. And like, there's not really a skill tree. It's like attributes and stuff. But like, I remember seeing the skill tree in that and watching like my friend grind and go and fight like the different summons and stuff.
It was like that game blew my mind. So it stuck with me for a long time. Still has. I already went over my brazine last episode. You're not at all sketchy thing of white powder. It is suspicious, but I'm not dead after trying it. So that's good. What else was new? It was more miscellaneous computer parts. Oh, I'm marking that one down, too.
oh you and your i don't believe any of you i don't believe anything you shouldn't i play lots of video games and i'm enjoying them and now that i'm less mobile and more like pc gaming it's been a lot nicer nicer i'm always inclined like my problem with mobile gaming is i'm always inclined some of those some of those gotcha options that pop up i'm like That would be nice.
That would save me like three days of grinding. So I got to be careful with that kind of stuff. Whereas a lot of PC gaming, like sure, some of them have like battle passes and stuff like that. Path of Exile is all purely cosmetic stuff. Like you buy the game and then there's cosmetic stuff and it's like whatever. Some of it I might care about. Mostly I don't care. I just play and enjoy the game.
And it's just such a nice feeling to like play a game and not feel like I've got to worry about stamina or you're going to love Bellatro. You're going to love Bellatro. You are going to love Bellatro. That's true. It's installed and ready to go. It's super fun. Why don't we just cut this recording early and we just go play Bellatro? Oh, I'm down.
We just record ourselves playing Bellatro separately all here. That's an episode of a podcast. Oh, that's a little bit of small talk. Gaming. I want to I have to redo the whole basement floor because our cat has ruined the carpet. I've got to redo the whole basement floor.
I want to get one of those like board game tables like the poker table, but you can also put like the ping pong on top or like play cards or tabletop games. Like a like a fancy one.
yeah I want to get like a really nice just like gaming tape I don't know where to go to shop for those but yeah I do want to get one there's a couple there's a couple brands that sort of have like make them more manufacture them but there are also some like custom sellers where it's just like a woodworker or a small shop that makes it there's some cool stuff out there do you know any of those
off the top of my head now i think we're warm warm wood where wood is one i'm not sure if you start googling the the like mainstream ones will come up but if you if you dig around i usually just go to reddit dig around right a little bit people will talk about like oh look at this there are some ones where it's like they have cup holder attachments that hang out off the table they like attach wherever you're sitting but they're over the over the edge of the table so if you spill it it doesn't like spill into the game field there's ones where there's like
compartments for your pieces or game like notebooks or whatever. There's all kinds of stuff. It's very fun. I also I want to get one of those, but we have like a regular table in the place where that table would go. And it's like, well, that table's table's fine. Seems stupid to get rid of a table for a table, but maybe someday.
You're definitely... Ooh. Or neither. I chip? You're definitely not chip. If anyone's chip, it's Mark. Why do I got to be Chip? Well, because you're definitely not. You're definitely not Ryan. No, I don't want to be Ryan. Of course, I'm not Ryan. None of us. None of us could be Wayne Brady. And none of us could be Colin Mockery. That's for sure. Well, except Wade, you are bald.
a really good one yeah i gotta measure and see what kind of space we have because the one spot i've got for it is not the biggest space in the world so i gotta see how big one i can fit along with having seating and room because like there was the previous homeowners had a pool table but like it was not regulation it was like more narrow because they couldn't really fit and play on a normal size one so i've got a little bit of a smaller space i want to put it in but i'll figure all that out but that's that's that's my goal for next year is to get the uh basement floor redone
Are you going to fix it so the cat doesn't ruin it again? I'm going to get like a fake wood, like a laminate wood or something down or something and do the area rugs. Bob, your woodworking skills are coming in so clutch right now. Not only can you redo his floors, you can build him his conversion table. I believe in you and everything that you will do in the future.
Didn't you literally tell him like last episode he'd fail? No. I'm betting against myself. He implied that I would fail, but he wants me to succeed and I'll allow that. All right, I'll start building you a table, Wade. Okay, if it's really good, I'll keep it. And if not, I'll thank you for it. And then I'll give that one away and get the good one.
I'm going to come over periodically and just check and make sure it's exactly where I wanted you to put it and that you didn't do anything. Oh, I'll be honest with you. I'll be like, yeah, yours was nice, but like I wanted nicer. But if you do a really good job, I'll keep it. I feel pre-injured by that interaction.
You guys want to hear a funny story that's also sad and not funny at all, but kind of funny? I'm ready to laugh. So a sports story, kind of. No, not yet. Haha, you hold it in. NBA's Hornets sorry after giving child the PS5 before taking it back off camera. Damn. They replaced the PS5 off camera with a jersey. Why? They're a basketball organization. Why not just give him the PS5? Like, damn.
It is the Hornets. The incident unfolded during the second quarter of Monday's game against the Philadelphia 76ers when Hugo, the team's mascot dressed as Santa Claus, brought a 13-year-old fan onto the court. After a letter to Santa requesting a PS5 was read out loud to the whole crowd, a cheerleader presented the console, prompting cheers from the crowd and visible excitement from the boy.
That's nice. That's very nice. But... The joy quickly evaporated when a Hornet staff member took the console back after the camera stopped rolling and handed the boy a jersey instead. The confusion was said to leave the boy, his family, and even team performers stunned. Why in the fuck did they do that? There is no reason that could exist that makes that make any sense whatsoever.
$600 to the Charlotte Hornets is like a counting error. Why would they do that? I don't know. They issued a public apology on Tuesday, acknowledging their error, saying, quote, During last night's game, there was an on-court skit that missed the mark. The skit included bad decision-making and poor communication. Simply put, we turned the ball over and we apologize. The fuck does that mean?
I feel like Wade is more Ryan-y. Am I bleeding? Isn't that special? uh anyway that's the explanation of the show i'm not gonna give you any more rules uh that's what happens and so when the end of the show comes and you know what's gonna happen then do you feel lucky do you punk i remember that that's such a good bit if you don't remember that you're not a fan
I was going to say, if they have anyone who's worried about PR at all, they definitely already sent him a PS5 as an apology. I didn't miss that, right? That doesn't say that they did that. As far as I know, he still hasn't gotten the PS5. There's an easy solution to this. Apparently, they told the kid's uncle beforehand that they were, it was, the kids aren't keeping the presents we're giving them.
And the uncle's like, that's funny. And then they meant it. But apparently now that all this shit's come out, they've said they've reached out to the family and not only committed to making it right, but exceeding expectations. We provided the fam with the PS5 that he should have taken home last night, along with a VIP experience to a future game.
However, that VIP experience, they're also going to take away. They're going to give them a bill once they're sitting in their VIP seats. Like, well, you've got a new jersey and a hat, and you're sitting in these first-class, top-of-the-line seats. That'll be $900 a seat, please. Also, this is a lifetime ban. You're never welcome back after this.
I want to see the fan cam just focus on two child arms around a big pillar going like... The Hornets have called this an on-court skit that missed the mark. The skit included bad decision-making and poor communication. The thing about that is... What? Yeah. I want to know what accounting guy was like, We can't afford this. We'll just trick them. That'll be fine. Just take it back.
Why not just tell them, hey, we're going to give you a jersey, signed or not. And the kid who's at a Hornets game probably like, oh, cool, a jersey. But instead they were like, you know what would be a better idea? Pretend to give the kid the thing he wants for Christmas, then take it away. That couldn't possibly look bad on us later.
That's the new this is the new intro to the episodes the moment the recording starts put that in Welcome to distractible.
It's glass, Mark, of course it's clear.
I'm going to say you don't want it to reset everyone if you ever want this game to finish. Because all you have to do to foil your opponent is get yourself caught to drag it all back to the beginning.
We're building a scene here. And once, once something is a successful action, then that's part of the scene, but you get to, you have to keep going.
This is probably not interesting for most people, but it's hockey playoffs. It's about to be hockey playoffs. As we record this, it's like the end of the season, not to date it too hard. Then the Blue Jackets are toying with everyone's hearts. If you're not a hockey fan, the Blue Jackets are the Columbus hockey team, and they were pretty mediocre this year. It was a weird season.
Wade, can you take your headphones off for like 30 seconds?
I'll cover my mouth. Anyway, am I allowed to get captured on purpose as part of my plan in a sort of Ocean's Eleven-y sort of arrangement? I will allow it. And how much of the layout of this building can I freeball before, like, what's the leash on that? Because obviously if that's my plan, I'm going to have to sort of make up some locations and do some stuff.
All right. Okay. I don't know why it really mattered if Wade heard that. I just don't want him. I just don't want him to get any ideas.
What if I just turn my headphones off but leave them on my head? I don't trust. I won't.
I am wearing a dark jumpsuit like coveralls. I have a big sack with a dollar sign on it slung over one shoulder. And then a ladder that looks like it's about the right height to climb up to reach the diamond slung over my other shoulder. And I just walk up like I'm going to walk into the museum carrying these things. And I have an obviously fake mustache glued to my lip.
Wade's naked in the sewer. Alright.
Our star player... and his brother actually died tragically in the off season in between seasons um in an accident and so a lot of the beginning of the season was sort of there were a lot of memorials and like i can't imagine having to like go and play on a professional sports team where that occurs and then the season starts and you have to jump in and try and be focused and and on it so it's
That seems pertinent. Bob, you get... Dissolving handcuffs? All right. Glass cutter. Is that Wade? Yeah, that's Wade. No. Oh, wait. Yeah. I thought that was going to say acoustic guitar.
Is it like he has to be wearing glasses or he can't see?
epileptic memory what the fuck does that mean i don't know so i put eidetic memory on there and i was like what's a counter that epileptic memory so anything i have to remember it's all like i'm like an epileptic i don't know what it means you just have it it's up to you oh okay okay great do you want me to spit again wouldn't the opposite of eidetic memory just be a fantasia
But the thing about eidetic memory is it's like a photographical memory, right?
All right. Hang on, can I opt to just keep my epileptic memory and create the definition of what it is before we get started? I asked a chatbot and I got, epileptic memory is a rare and highly particular cognitive condition in which a person involuntarily and vividly recalls memories that never actually happened. These recollections come in short, intense bursts.
Would you write these at three in the morning after like a fever dream state?
It's been kind of a different season for that. And they've done fairly well considering that that must have been on their minds for a lot of it and hard to deal with, I'm sure. But it's the end of the season. There are literally a couple games left and the Blue Jackets are literally doing the exact bare minimum to where they're not mathematically eliminated at
Wait, so do I have both of mine?
That's why you went in the sewer. You're fine. You blend in. Wait till you get another one.
I'm happy with mine. I don't know. I mean, yeah, he's good. He's got four toes and ellipticals.
Technically, I'm also a four-toes Williams.
Well, you can turn your head, just your eyes don't move in the socket. You just have to be like... Yeah.
But literally, there's another team that needs to lose out to the end of the season and the Blue Jackets need to win out through the end of the season. And if maybe one or two other thing happens, we can maybe get the last wildcard spot. And every day I'm like, I'm almost like, just just lose. Just end this. This is an Ohio sports thing, is it? The Bengals did the exact same thing last year.
I just try and walk in the front door with my sack and my ladder, and I'm just gonna go beeline straight to the diamond room.
Alright, I'm standing in the diamond room. I hear the screaming in the distance, and that registers on some subconscious level, but I put it out of my head. I set down my sack, take my ladder with both hands, lean it up against the pedestal that the diamond isn't on, just below the pressure-sensitive glass.
And just start climbing up until I'm on top of the ladder, like eye level with the giant diamond.
Oh, okay. So I'm not to the diamond yet. Okay, okay.
All right. Well, all I'm doing then is same stuff, ladder, sack, beeline for the diamond. If all I get to do is walk through the next room, that's all I'm doing. I'm going straight for it.
Yeah, it's just like that. Literally, the odds makers are like, the Jackets have a 0.7% chance of making the playoffs. And the Jackets were like, so you're telling me there's a chance?
bob i'm now i am standing starting this turn i'm standing in the diamond room i set my sack down i'm off the floor and i slide my ladder off my shoulder and i lean it up against the diamond pedestal so that the top bar of the ladder is just below the pressure sensitive glass and i climb up to get i i level with the diamond you place the ladder down it's a precarious germany and you've climbed all the way to the leavening levitating platform let's see if that worked
Yeah, and so maybe you didn't say this or maybe you didn't hear it. No repeat actions is kind of the idea, right? Yeah, don't do the same thing again. That action is decided. It will fail the exact same way. I don't get another roll on the... Okay, got it.
I'm standing in the diamond room. I set down my ladder and my sack and I get out my acoustic glass breaker, which looks like a shoulder-mounted bazooka. I get it out and I obnoxiously, I get it out, like I pull it out of my pant leg and get it on my shoulder and just like, and I power it on and it goes...
and it like starts building and i aim it up at the diamond and i'm just like like standing and i'm gonna shatter the glass that contains the diamond all right i let's see you got a one man oh no all right
You just have to make it bad enough that the one stays, and it's a huge detriment to the whole situation.
I don't follow basketball. Isn't that where Luca went? The whole thing where Luca got traded and everyone was like, what? Didn't he go to the Lakers? And now that's, he's with LeBron.
Dear penthouse form. I can't believe it happened to me. The farmer showed up, and I know what he's up to. He's feeding me the good shit, and I know what that means. This is my last day on this planet unless I do something about it. Somehow, I escape from my pen, and I find the keys to a tractor. So I climb up in the tractor, and I'm gonna run the farmer over.
For some reason, my girlfriend's there. She's just a stack of hay. What the fuck? I try and run the farmer down, but he dodges it. I crash into the barn. A lantern spills onto the ground. The oil goes everywhere. Poof! Flames. Fire. I fall out of the tractor. There is no way out. I watch as a huge timber frame thing falls down from the farm's rafters onto the farmer. He's dead.
But so am I. I lay there, inhaling smoke, knowing what's going to happen. I'm back in the museum. What the fuck? God, I hate this disease. All right, let's continue, shall we?
Don't I? Wouldn't I know a breakaway climbing rope?
All right, well, my action doesn't change that much. I realize what he's doing, going for the diamond. I take my ladder, heft it up onto my shoulder like a javelin, take a running, like weird hoppy jumps that javelin throwers do in the Olympics where they...
and i like and i scream when i do it i'm like and i'm throw it and i'm trying to throw it directly at the diamond to shatter the glass that it's in knock the diamond out of its uh suspension and land over on the other side of the room on the uh on the platform i love it uh let's see what happened
Does that accelerate how soon the guards get here, or do we still have two more turns?
There's so much blood on that thing. It's not going to cut glass the same as it was before. Good thing the glass is cracked. There's blood on it? Didn't he use his glass cutter to cut a sack off?
Oh, it's one-time use? Look, no, I'll stipulate that he has it, but it's got to be at a disadvantage or something with it, because it's all covered in blood. That's right, you have already used it. It's slippery.
They have people on their team. Uh-huh. And pressure their taxpayers to buy them a stadium for them to play all their good football in.
Well, I feel like this one shouldn't, but we'll see. I'm standing down near where the guards are coming in. Quickly, I slap on my disintegrating handcuffs and lay down on the floor like I was knocked out and lay there motionless, handcuffed, indicating that he did this to me and now he's getting the diamond because I still look like janitorial staff, right? Yeah. Oh, you are in a jumpsuit.
That's true. I'm trying to like blend in. I want them to not notice me. I want to be there on the ground like I'm knocked unconscious and handcuffed and they'll see me and be like, get that guy and then ignore me.
Yeah. Somehow we both got nat ones on our important item usages.
I died when I fell into it, so... It's 60 feet.
Wade is a very rope-heavy villain.
Excellent. Guys, look, there's a bird on the bird feeder I put out. Ooh. Whoa.
They believe my story completely.
I'm laying there. They come. One of them checks on me and I pretend like he stirs me. I wake up and I'm like, oh, the naked guy. Where do you go? He did this to me. He's so dangerous. You got to get him. It's vague. I pretend like I'm disoriented. Anything to get them all to turn their backs to me completely and focus on Wade and imply that he's incredibly dangerous.
Do we need to see if that is successful or do I succeed in that? Because the next thing I do is another action.
Does it hurt him, or is it, like, fine?
I'm putting that out of my mind. I'm ignoring that. Everyone's ignoring me. I stand up. I dissolve my dissolving handcuffs, and I'm free. And as everyone else is focused on Wade, I look to my side, and I see a closet on the periphery of the room with a placard on it that says maintenance.
And I take out my edible lockpick and go try and jimmy my way into the maintenance closet real quick while everyone else is completely distracted.
Okay. But they will try. They literally will lose it. It's, whatever, it's Ohio sports. I'll just go watch the Cavaliers, that's fine.
I stick my lockpick back in my pocket as the door swings open freely in front of me before I even touch it. You whisper, thanks, Wade, as you enter the room. Thanks, Wade. Okay, well, the point of going to the room is I had a thought. The container for the diamond is now destroyed and they're going to need somewhere to put it.
I go into the room and I grab the backup diamond containment cylinder and I take that back out of the maintenance room. So now I look like a janitor who's carrying the backup diamond container. These police officers are about to apprehend the man who's trying to steal the diamond from the broken container. So I think we can all see where this is going.
I mean, you can roll to see if I succeed at that, I guess, but that seems like a... Let's roll to see if there is one in there.
Also, I put up a bird feeder today. Woo! Huh?
You grab your dick thinking it's the rope and...
No, it's one of those ones with the webcam in it. So we're going to get sneaky pictures of all the birds coming to eat our bird seed now. But I had to, I put up a solar panel and then wired it up and then put up the bird feeder itself. It's cool though. We're going to get bird pictures. Guys, bird pictures. Sneaky pictures. They won't even know. I assume. Unless birds understand how webcams work.
I don't know, I kind of just need to wait for Wade to successfully do anything before my part of this plan really comes to fruition. Uh-huh. So I guess I watch.
And I do things. You're just doing stuff. It's fine. You're just doing it in the interstitial. I totally forgot that I was supposed to do that.
All right, look, how about this? I'll set mine up. I'll set mine up. Yeah, yeah. I walk over to the edge with the bucket, and I get all of the cops' attention. Now I'm ready, and I go, hey, guys, the diamond container, it's broken. Toss it over here. I'll put it in the backup.
I'm prompting them to toss the diamond over so they can arrest Wade, and the janitor will keep the diamond safe until everything can settle down.
Please, he's a heinous criminal. I have like a weirdly paternal relationship with the diamond. I treat it like it's my daughter. And I'm like, don't let him touch her! Don't let him put his bloody, grimy, inky, stinky fingers on her!
1 to 10 and 11 to 20. 11 to 20.
Alright, I'm standing, holding a scummy mop bucket, and they're all looking at me. I'm a pretty good thrower. After the javelin success with the bladder, I looked out of the mop bucket, and I realized this is just a bucket-shaped javelin. And, uh... Is Wade holding the diamond right now? Let's say he did throw the glass.
But the diamond is like suspended and the glass is currently broken?
Yeah, I just stand there for a second, look around at all the cops and slowly back away from the edge and assume like the javelin position again and do the exact same like jumpy runny thing and then...
I was a thrower in college.
Yeah, just adding actions.
Where is Wade? He ran and he jumped. Is he like standing next to it?
Okay. Is the bucket inside or outside of the guard ring?
There's nothing else to it. I preemptively unzip my coveralls all the way down as far as they unzip, and then book it to the diamond on the direct path that I can see sort of weaving through and around and whatever. Get to the diamond this turn ASAP right now.
Yeah, I'm kind of on the back side of everything now, right? So I have a long way to get out, kind of, is what I'm imagining.
For some reason, I believe my arch nemesis in the moment. I know there's only one way. I take the diamond out of the bucket. I hand the bucket to him and I say, you're right. Fill this with shit as fast as you can. And when he takes the bucket and squats down to start filling it with shit, that's what I make my move.
And just with the diamond up in the air, like Jack Sparrow style, like sprint towards the atrium exit just on my own. Because I immediately realized I actually am not going to work with him. Fuck that guy.
Well, then I have a plan. I give him the bucket to fill with shit, and I say, just so you'll trust me, you hold the diamond while you shit. And I still want him to fill the bucket with shit.
No, you're filling the bucket with shit for a different purpose. The diamond's unrelated to the shit. Okay, so I'm holding the diamond, and I'm shitting. So you trust me. We're working together.
Right, and I'm working with him.
I'm working with him. I am trying to work with him. I gave him the diamond so that he can trust me so he knows I'm not going to run away with it while he's filling the bucket with shit. He's just already naked and I'm wearing overalls. Even though they're unzipped, it's just hard to get them down that far so I can poop in the bucket. Okay.
There's a plan well it got a 14 so whatever happened happened So the result of my turn is wait as the diamond and collectively we have a big bucket of shit sure
Yeah, that was essentially my exact plan, minus you standing in the bucket for some fucking reason.
I guess my original plan thinking was we would just take the bucket and throw it and try and make a line between us and the exit. So it would like part the cop because everyone would get out of the way of it. Or if it hit them, they'd be disgusted and be like disoriented for a second, which would give us a gap. Yeah. to run through to get to the exit.
So assuming Wade's stuff all happened, basically that happened, right? But Wade is way ahead of me because he jumped and rolled out of the bucket of shit and I'm just sort of behind him, but that's what's happening.
I mean, they're all like milling around doing stuff.
I run to catch up with Wade. My, how I see it is we're going to run straight through the glass covered atrium, but he's naked and crazy. And even though his feet are covered in shit, he's not going to make it very far. And we're on a team suddenly. So I've now I had unzipped my, my overalls previously. I tear the top half of them off and tear that in half.
There's a lot of tearing and I offer them and I'm like, put these on your feet so that he can run over the glass and and we can both make it out unscathed. I'm like, I'll hold the diamond. Tie these on your feet quick so that you have shoes to get through the glass because I'm still wearing my boots. I'm not worried about it, but your feet will get all cut up.
No, I think it's a Chinese cuisine thing, too, because I think if you go to a traditional dim sum place, they'll have chicken feet as one of the little things you can get off the cart at the whatever. My dad likes those. I could never. It's too chewy and stuff. I get it. It's good for you, and it's a specific thing. I could never do it.
I'm standing behind the bucket while you're standing well ahead of me in a pool of shit, and there's a big gap because of the shit towards the exit. I see that my only chance here, because he's naked, he has no grip. For some reason, he's covered in blood in his bottom half too. It's all bad.
I aim towards the door, build as much momentum as I can, and try and like half run, half ice skate across the shit as fast as I can right towards the exit. And as I swing past Wade struggling for traction, I'm going to yoink the diamond so that I end up with full momentum going straight out the atrium that's all covered in broken glass.
I'm assuming you're doing the javelin hop before you... It's more like the long jump lead up, but very similar. It's like a very hoppy run kind of thing. I'm so sorry. No. It's because three. No.
Can I make one last-ditch effort? What is it?
Just like in the comic slash Netflix series Lock and Key, I suddenly remember that doors can be opened anywhere if you only believe hard enough. And I take out my edible lockpick, and I just jam it into a crack on the floor and start furiously trying to open a door in the floor. Like, if it's not a 20, it doesn't succeed. I just want to take a shot at it. And if the door opens, I'm just escaping.
I don't get the diamond or anything. I just get out.
Hey, if you give a mouse a cookie. All right, okay. What'd I get? Let me show you the screen. Ah! Hey! What happens, Mark? Well, the game was over. I don't know what. I don't know. You fucking pickle. He got the DLC. I opened the floor door and I escaped. That's what happens. You opened the floor.
I open the door and the floor and light emanates from it dramatically and I jump up into the air and then fall through it and gravity suddenly changes by 90 degrees and I fall flat on my back and I'm laying in the apartment in Amsterdam that I lived in in my early 20s. That sounds right to me. And the door slams shut behind me and disappears forever.
Can't believe that didn't work.
I had a plan. I feel like it was self-evident. Mine too. Standing in the bucket was clearly not part of the plan. I know. That's why I had to throw a wrench in your plan.
Editors, cut out the last hour and 20 minutes. No! Look, I drew pictures of what I was doing, too. Wow. So I could visualize.
I self-destruct a lot on these episodes. So first, how many bonus points? Yep. Two bonus points.
I gotta get this game perfect. Bonus point number one. Ready? Point for viewers.
It really does, considering how many things are on this wheel.
All right, so it was 16% before. This is so stupid. So now it needs to be 18%, and I need 18% of 360. So 360 times .18 is 64. I need to turn this to 64. That's too many.
So remember last year, people got really mad when Degree changed their Cool Rush formula? One dude even started a petition? Guess what? Degree listened, admitted they messed up, and are bringing the original Cool Rush scent back.
It's a pretty big one. You're right. You're right. Don't worry about it, Mark. It'll be fine. You only have 64 chances to have it happen. Oh, Wade. No. Look at this. Look at these spins. Look at this bullshit.
Look at the history of these spins. I mean, I wasn't on the wheel for every single one of those spins, I guess, technically. But still.
I escaped. I feel like I did better than Wade did.
No, I was, I was just, that's the apartment I did live in. Someone else lives there now. I just, that's where I ended up.
I am transformed from a European criminal to an American prison warden. And then Wade and I have another face-off.
That's true. That's true. That's very true. I had to lean into it.
I was just curious what was gonna happen with all the ink you used. Nothing happened with the ink.
Well, this is starting to really pile on. I don't like to complain, by which I mean, I think we all know I complain a lot. But just to put it in perspective, with this being added to the tally, I have now lost or not participated in four straight episodes. Five straight. No, four straight episodes. I feel like I'm showing up. I feel like I'm bringing my A game.
I feel like it's really not paying off. So I guess next time I'll just be the Wade and you guys just do a two-man show. We'll see how that works out for me. What does that mean? I'll just not pay attention and watch Shakira videos the whole time. I was locked in today. Yeah. And despite cutting your own balls off and trying to die, you still won! Eh, that's true.
Alright, Wade, what do you have to say for yourself?
Your heart's stinky, all right.
I always forget that you actually still press record on the camera and record onto an SD card. I haven't done that since like 2018.
I just don't want to have like my camera placated on literally you set it up so that you record two things one of them is your whole desktop and one of them is your whole face and It's one file which is double as wide as a normal video 3840 by 1080 And then when you edit it, you just go, and the other one you go, and then you have each file separately all from one single thing. Okay.
Well, I might have to try it. It's so much better. It's so much better.
Also, if you want a camera, I'll go shopping with you. It's real fun. Not like we have a B&H photo we can go to or something. It's super fun. There's a Micro Center which has some. There is a Micro Center. I'll go to Micro Center just for whatever.
That sounds kind of like a RAM issue to me. I'm not going to lie, but I'm also not an expert on this.
I haven't put an SD card in this camera literally since we were on tour, because I had this camera with me on tour, and I was recording stuff handheld with it. Mm-hmm.
Yeah, it's the exact same thing. All you literally do is change a couple settings in the scene and arrange your things.
This is the most pointless question, but I'm just curious. When you remux, Wade, do you remux directly to your final destination or do you remux it to the same spot and then copy the file from there to the final destination? I do that one. I figured. You know you don't have to do that. You could set the destination when you do the remux and just be like, put it over there.
Why don't you just do all the remuxing at the end?
Everything is trying to be a subscription now, and I don't really want that. Subscription funerals? The worst. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.
Oh, okay. I thought that was something that I had said that you were referencing and I was concerned that I was turning into Mark. Yeah, you told me last week. A. A. B. B. B. I'm sorry, B comes after hey?
Thanks, Colin. You guys ever just watch clips of Colin Mockery doing the intro to the news bit where he always has a funny news headline and it's never business. It's always amazing. I'm Lars Lars Pants on Fars. Today's top story, a man charged with beating a cow to death in a rice paddy with two small porcelain figurines.
Court reporter said this is the first ever reported instance of a knick-knack paddywhack.
That's one of my fucking favorite ones ever. Oh my god. So good. So good.
That one and like the two times he gets Ryan Stiles to just absolutely die of laughter in the bloopers are burned into my memory forever.
Yep. My topic, it's very original. It's been almost two entire pages in my score sheet since we did this topic, so you might not even remember what we talked about.
It's been a while. Do better. I'm not done talking about this, and I don't want to talk about sandwiches this time because that was a whole rabbit hole, but we're doing Order Matters Part 2.
i want to get back into this is this the sandwich thing and the cereal thing because yes yes yes yes we're it's you this is dangerous waters here that you're treading into i will say the reason i was gonna let this simmer this was on my list but i saw have you guys seen how to make a sandwich and a half have you seen this a person makes a they're like i want i want more than one grilled cheese sandwich but i don't want two grilled cheese sandwiches
So they take three pieces of bread and they like glue them together in like a smooshed bread triangle. And then they grill each side separately. And I think, I think it's online. It's referred to as a grilled threes or something like that.
I saw this and I can't get it out of my head. And I was like, we talked about sandwiches and that thing. And then, so now we're doing this.
We talked about that because Mandy and I have reservations, I think, at Soto.
It's fine. I don't think anything we're going to talk about today is going to cause that kind of issue.
It's spoon and knife, but we're not talking about that. We're not getting back into that. I want to start with one that at least two of us, I think, will have opinions on. And wait, you might too. God damn it. Mark, this might be hard for you. Wait, what? You have a new office. You have a new empty desk. You have a new place and you have to set it up to be your new workspace.
How do you set up a new desk? And imagine you own everything that you might want for this. Maybe you're moving your previous setup to a new place, or maybe like you plan this out and you have, but you have your computer or computers, you have your monitors, you have whatever accessories, your mic, your whatever, right?
We're setting it up presumably to like make YouTube videos, do this podcast, do all the other sorts of stuff that we do at our desks.
yeah wait i'm not sure you're gonna have a strong opinion about this one but i why wouldn't i i said i do this i've done this your approach is to leave all the tech in boxes and just pile the boxes on your desk and hope it turns into a working pile of technology there's still strategy to that well anyway i have opinions about this and i'm curious what you guys think how do you set up a
The blank canvas that is a brand new desk.
Mark, are you suffering? Suffering from my acute time dilation syndrome or something? Just you were here already, but we weren't yet. Good Lord. Maybe.
All right, nothing earth shattering there. It's not, I don't do it particularly well, but every time, because I've also moved my office around a fair amount and I have a ton of shit that goes on my desk to do the stuff that we do. And every time I'm like, I'm going to do it better this time.
And by 60% of the way through, I'm like, I can't fucking tuck another cable through this stupid fucking channel. And it always just ends up with my desk just being a...
of cables and if I ever need to add anything I just lay the new cable on top of the raft of old cables there's definitely some cables in there that are not connected at either end where I like I unplugged it and I was like well well that's not coming out and I just left it and it's part of my cable management because I have a hammock of pre-existing cables that all new technology can rest in you use those cables and wrap them around the good cables and they'll hold them in place
I call it cumulative looming. You just keep wrapping things around and it's like a big organic root loom of cable root of the loom. That's what I call it. That is a better name.
Yeah, on the tag, there's a cornucopia.
Yeah, you literally said half the word and gave up.
I mean, you did do most of the groundwork, but like... Alright, Mark gets a groundwork point. Thanks, Wade. Do I get accessory point? No, you don't get an accessory. Nope. This is one where I feel like Mark's potentially going to get into hot water. Oh no. Because this is related to one that you did just as wrong as you possibly could, but it's also simple. So maybe it won't be a big deal.
Whatever. How do you make coffee or tea? What order do you do that? There's not complicated. Do you drink black coffee, Mark? So your order is like put coffee in cup.
If you're making yourself a coffee at home on a random Thursday morning because you're tired and you're like, God, get some caffeine.
Wait, I'm assuming you make tea for Kamali sometimes or coffee or something. I know you're not a big... I mean, it's pretty... Tea is pretty easy.
The Animorphs we did talk about last week. I remember that too. Yes, yes. Okay. Okay. All right.
They absorb hydration through their skin, right? So their skin is like permeable, probably tripping balls in that coffee can.
You're not? Coffee grounds are not supposed to go in the sink?
You know what, Mark? For your honesty, you're going to get the point on that one. I know that that's true because I've seen other parts of your life that function in that exact same pattern, and I just know that that is 100% accurate to how coffee functions for you in your world. I know that that's true. Also, I'm a little concerned you're going to die of a fungal infection at some point.
Hey, Wade's being gaslit by car dealers, and Mark is being gaslit by Wade.
No, I descaled it once, the coffee machine.
That's how often I replace my French water filters.
Yeah. And then it goes off and I'm in the middle of something else. And I'm like later. And then I click it and it marks it as completed. And then it goes away forever. And I'm like, well, I'll remember that at some point in three months, probably. You know what? Can't argue with that. You know what the other strategy I tried for this is?
So the things that are hard, you're supposed to change the filter on your HVAC system like every three months or something. You're supposed to change the water filter if you have a water in your fridge or an ice maker or whatever. Phone reminders didn't work for me. And I was like, you know what? Part of the problem is every time it comes up, I'm like, oh, it's time to change the filter. Oh, fuck.
We don't have one. So I have to like go get one or order one or something. And I was like, I know what I'll do on Amazon. I'll just schedule it so that every correct amount of time Amazon delivers one and it shows up and I'll just go put that in its place. And that'll remind me the first time it happened, like the filter for the furnace showed up. And I was like, I'm not doing that right now.
And I'll definitely remember to change it.
I put them both in the closet because I was like, oh, this is embarrassing. Left those for another few months. Went and got another. I was in there like a TikTok or something. It was like, go to the store. Buy a bottle of hoisin sauce. Get home from the store. I already had a bottle of hoisin sauce. Go to the store. I applaud your honesty, Mark. Good job. Thank you. All right.
This is one that I feel like is another one. I got this one. Tweed is not unfairly weighted against you, Wade. I believe you. I do. But this is what I feel like I might be the only one who has strong feelings about. So I'm just curious. You just pulled the tab on your brand new cellular device. Your previous phone is old and dying or got dropped out of a moving car or whatever.
And you bought a new one because it was time anyway. In what order do you set up your new phone device? Both of them are basically the same. You have to like log into your account and it starts doing things for you. But there still is like an order of stuff you have to do, right? How do you attack that?
Guy, the sales guy just calls you. It's like, hey, is your car running? What? I don't have a car. Yeah, I know. Got him.
This is a tangent. I'll tell you in a second. You know where that really gets me? School and stuff was hit and miss when teachers are lecturing and whatever, but when you're on the phone with customer service, and you're running through the mundane stuff, and they're like, uh-huh. And what's your name? Uh-huh. And what's the address for that?
When you're having that interaction, there's something about that, that like, it's physically impossible for my brain to stick with and follow. And every time I'm in that, that customer service sequence of like giving them info and they're, they're using that voice, there'll be a moment where they're like, okay. And, and, uh, what's your date of birth? And I'll just be like, What?
Sorry, what was that? And I'm like, date of birth? He'll be like, Berhoo. It's like too awkward for a touch too long. And they think I'm completely insane. But but anyway, you've got a new cell phone. I did hear this. You were there. I was here. What how do you attack setting that bad boy up? Assuming you've got you signed into Apple or you signed into Google Play or whatever.
And the phone is like alive. What do you do? You do. You have a strategy. Do you not give a shit? You just start doing whatever you needed to do with your phone. Texting people.
It's not a bad place. That's not exactly the diner from Groundhog Day. I mean, that's a pretty high-end place to have to go to repeatedly.
Yeah, you're allowed to not have an opinion. Like I said, this is the thing. I'm neurotic about this sort of stuff. I think I've told the story out here before. It's not a great story, but the first smartphone I ever opened was a T-Mobile G1, which was like the first production Android phone. I had a full-on panic attack because I got it.
My parents surprised me with it as like a gift, and I didn't think I was going to get it. And I literally, in the car on the way to my birthday lunch with my parents, I was just sitting there staring at it, just like, I felt like I was going to pass out for like half an hour. You're allowed to not have strong feelings.
You know, you can try those again. I mean, you have to get another one, but like you could.
Well, you get your money back. Presumably, it's a loop, so you start back with the same... It's basically free, kind of.
Yeah, those are pretty. All right, well, I'm a weirdo, and that's not unexpected. But I have a whole routine. I love I love a vanilla phone. I tell Apple not to install shit so that I can have a phone that's just like factory, nothing installed, wistfully thumb through all the settings and see if there's any different the minute OS changes that come with the new one.
It's like an experience for me, but I think I might be special. I think Wade wins that point for having very slightly more of a opinion on it than Mark. That's fair. That's fair. You're both like normal people, so that's fair. This will be the last one. We're all we're all guys here, right? So there's no shame in admitting if you do or do not do part of this one. Ikea furniture.
We're all familiar with or whatever. Flat pack furniture. You have an unopened box of thing, bookshelf, whatever. It's a piece of furniture. What is your strategy of attack for getting that bad boy set up? Okay, so it's me first this time, right? And you have no assistance, because that's cheating. It's just you in a room, and you just really need a flurm to finish your setup or whatever.
Not from you, just in general, from us.
I try to be fast. It just doesn't work. The real bookshelf was the bookshelf you had at the end of following the instructions very efficiently.
That's the thing I get pulled into. I'm very much on teamwork and I've never thought about it as a test, but that's exactly it. I don't not use the instructions, but it's like offensive to my sensibilities if I have to use them too much. But the other thing I do is I can't stand when it's like you have to turn something with a hex and you're like... Oh yeah. I get sidetracked and obsessed.
I'm like, I think I have like an extension, like a drill with like an extension and then like a thing. And then I can put a hex bit into that.
And I think if I get that at the right angle, then I can just eat and put, but I spent 45 minutes looking for tools and shit and digging through the garage when it would have taken me 90 extra seconds to just tighten the little screw one half turn at a time or whatever.
But I saved it. It still works. Yeah, I think that's how you're supposed to lift heavy things. Wrench your back in a jerky twisting motion.
Sorry, but I think Wade has to get the point on that one for actually building things the way they're supposed to be built.
I mean, yours is the more boring answer, and I don't identify with it. But in a world where you have a box and what you want is a piece of furniture, I think your way might be the correct way. Because there's even the smallest IKEA shit. I was building these things the other day for Mandy. She has one of those cube storage things, and I was just building inserts for those.
They're just like drawers that you put in. There were like 12 screws total. It was a tiny little thing, but I had to put drawers together. And by that, when I started, I was very carefully happy the thing in by the time i get to the last one even on something as simple as that it's like just fucking why isn't this and you just start screwing shit in and just check the instructions probably
I did all of them in the wrong order. It was part of the problem because I was like, I see how this works. And it turns out you were supposed to not. I was trying to slide them all in as one unit and they're not designed to work that way, which they thought about and wrote down.
this piece is bottom this he says top where the fuck do these pieces go which side goes to top anyway uh point for wade and that was the last one i feel like it was less controversial today but i think people will have maybe opinions but maybe not judgments but we'll see i'm curious last time it was quite the fire starter in the subreddit and uh
Next to your filter, next to your furnace filters. This is a closet full of shit you haven't done. In no particular order, Mark, you earned points for... Uh-huh. Trapped in time dilation. d2 steel wow i feel something and a drawing of a penis silver rug pull twin peaks desk oh desk setup groundwork and concerning coffee routine wait you earned points for 13 books real books i wrote Groundhog Day.
Shave it. You're B when I was all A and you were all B. Back to you in the studio, Bob. You at the tie point for the desk. Distractible point. A paying attention point. A slightly more safe point. And a building things the right way point. I lost three points. I don't even remember why, but I deserved it. You punish yourself for something, yeah.
Oh, yeah, because I'm stupid and I flooded my own basement in that one tiny little... Whatever. That means today's winner with 10 points is Wade. Oh.
You want a second? Here, I know you weren't paying attention. Mark, you lose. Wade, give his loser speech.
Oh, my God. Wait, I said Wade was supposed to give Mark's speech. What was that? That was me giving Mark's speech. Because it sounded just like him.
Did it work? All right, I'm writing down right now, so it must be true. Somehow, Mark wins anyway.
Excellent job, Wade. And congratulations to our winner by gracious forfeit, Mark.
I couldn't believe you didn't have any shenanigans, Wade. I teed it up for you guys.
All the ruse. Mark just pretends like he never pays attention and then sometimes just takes advantage of the situation. I can't even be mad. It was well played. Mark's genius knows no bounds. Well, congrats to our legitimate and fair winner, Mark. That means you get to host the next one.
Make sure you follow us all on socials and make sure you follow the podcast by clicking the little plus sign or checkmark or whatever the hell it is. Because then you'll know when the episodes come out. They come out on Monday and Friday. But then you'll know for sure. And yeah, next time Mark hosts and Wade maybe forfeits and I win. Who knows? Bye, everybody. Podcast out.
It's going up. Mark's out here rug pulling silver on losers. People think crypto is the cool thing, but we're back to precious metals, baby.
It's a standard by weight. I don't know that there is a single like, this is a bar of gold amount of gold. They're weights.
did i miss something again they had to ditch us they did a starship launch and they had to ditch it and the thing exploded the just the top starship part but there's a video or a picture maybe of someone who was flying in a plane who out their window caught the debris explosion field as it was falling back through the atmosphere looked sick and expensive
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. No qualifiers today, just Distractible. I can't remember the last time I didn't say it was your uncle's nephew's favorite podcast. Hi, welcome to Distractible. My name's Bob. I'm the host because I won. And I'm joined today by my...
None of that Maverick unibody hybrid stuff either.
There are features about the Chevy that I didn't even know existed, and I was already really hype on the Chevy.
No, Toyota... I don't even think Toyota has hybrid trucks. They might have a hybrid Tundra?
I was looking into cars, family cars, and I say Toyota's marketing strategy is interesting to me. When I was looking into cars, I was like, we want at very least, I think we want a hybrid. We might want an EV or like maybe a plug in hybrid. I don't know. We were looking at options of like we want to get something that's efficient because it's a big family car.
It's not like Toyota doesn't even advertise that almost all of their core lineup are just hybrids now because I was looking at like the minivan and And I was like, well, what do you not have a model of the minivan, the Sienna? That's like a hybrid. And I couldn't find it in the marketing and on the website. All of the new ones are all hybrids. So they don't mention it.
And I'm like, why would you not? Why would you? That was confusing. Because Toyota is exactly the brand I would think would be like, yeah, they're the Prius people. They would have, you know, good hybrid technology. Maybe I'm stupid and I just don't understand their approach. But I felt like it was very confusing that you couldn't even tell out front like, oh, yeah, all of these are hybrids.
to uh co-hosts slash competitors mark and wade hi boys hello hello they are here to compete to be the next host you don't know how the show works there's points i write them down the winner of this episode hosts the next one and so on and so forth in perpetuity does it go And I forget we made some very specific rules about that when we were sitting in a hot tub or something. I don't remember.
Look, you don't even have to pick. They're just all hybrids. Look at the mileage. Nothing. No idea. I thought it was super weird.
I had stuff happen. We were going to record many some days ago. And on the day of recording, I woke up and I had no internet. And I was like, ah, shit. It's like maybe the internet's down in our area. One, my internet provider was having technical problems as in their website wasn't working properly. But also their internal customer service wasn't working because I called.
I was like, hey, our Internet's down and I can't seem to find any information. And the lady on the phone was like, yeah, we don't have our computer system or anything. So I have no information about your account or who you are or what we do. And I'm like, what the hell do you mean? You're a, you're an internet company.
You just hear like electricity, buckets of water and a fire extinguishers in the background. Their shit was absolutely fucked. And like a technician came to our house later that same day, which one best service I've ever gotten was when the cable company was in such a disarray that they were just panic. Like you go to this address, you go to this address.
They were like calling each other on every. It was awesome. Best service I've ever had. But he literally got here and was like, hey, I was giving her address and I know how to fix cable and Internet stuff. So what do we got going on here? Man, you guys are just absolutely... That was not why our internet was out. I don't know what happened, but AltaFiber was just on fire for a while last week.
But what happened in our house was the opposite of fire. There's water in the basement. And rather luckily, it only affected the internet somehow. But our utility closet is like... One big wall where it's like our huge our power circuit breaker panel and our Internet and a bunch of other stuff. It's like the hub of the house utility stuff. And water got in a window that's right above that and like
trickled like marble runned its way down through and around the electric stuff without touching anything else and just flooded the modem that provided our internet and literally just like short circuit and fried the board in our modem nothing else even got damp no fucking idea how that happened bizarre and also the solution was it stopped happening did you close the window
no well so it stopped happening because i'm stupid but i was gonna i was gonna see if i could get away with leaving out but that's a lie you know how it gets cold outside and water freezes and hoses have water in them we had a hose on that side of our house i found this advice online but it's terrible advice now that i think about it and also that this happened
That was like, if you... We don't have a way to shut off our hose bibs. Lots of places will have a thing where it's like you could turn it off and then the hose bibs won't have water in them. So in case they freeze, there won't be water to freeze in them. And so I was like, well... What can I do if we can't turn the water off to those?
And the Internet was like, oh, if you have one, just the one closest to your water valve or whatever on that side of your house, just crack it open. So it's just like dripping. And I was like, oh, and we have an extension on that one to run it over to the backyard. I'll just leave the hose on it. And I'll just like let it drip, right? And the hose will contain that. So I'm not even wasting water.
But then there's like a pressure outlet for the pipes in the house. It'll be fine. Like the exact opposite of what happens. And I'm not very smart. Anyway, the hose burst and it was pissing water like a sniper. It was pissing water. At the joint between where the wood part of the house and the foundation part of the house go. And it was like it was trying to get inside.
So if it ends, it ends and we'll find out in post. I have a topic for today. We might even get to it because Mark, you haven't been on fire again since the last time, right? Okay. So, so we might get to the topic today, but we do usually smart. We do usually start with small talk. How's it going? You guys got any fun stories?
Literally nothing else even got wet. It was just like, and that was making its way into and then dripping down the wall. It could have been way worse, but also I'm fucking stupid and I lose three points for that. Okay. So anyway, my stuff's all fixed now.
All right. Any number of things could have gone wrong that we might not have noticed for longer or that might have been much worse. The guy came and plugged a new modem in and had it fixed in half an hour or less, even though he had no idea what my name was or why he was at my house.
He really was. He took the modem off the wall and he was like, I've never I've never seen this happen ever. How'd you do that? Listen.
That's your problem. Listen, we were due for an upgrade anyway. So he was like, nah, this is fine. We would have done and come and upgraded this if you just called anyway, because this was an old one. So now we have symmetrical gigabit internet. And he said we could get two gig service on our new modem, which is consumer grade two gig service, which is amazing. That's crazy.
I mean, I still had gigabit internet. It just wasn't symmetrical.
you know 10 20 years like especially with like 5g internet and then 6g eventually they're they're barely even getting to the point where 5g is actually widely available right now yeah 5g is still pretty sparse so it's it's slow sorry because you guys were like waiting for me for a long time and i was like oh it's back because i plugged it back in and the internet was like whoa and then when i unplugged it again water dripped out of the power hole and i was like oh i bet it doesn't work anymore and it was a whole thing but
I'm not Wade. I'm stupid in my own special way.
I don't know what... I actually didn't watch it back, so I don't know how the edit shook up, but... It's funny. That's ChatGPT. I uploaded a picture of that scribble, and I gave it all the discoveries I've made so far. And I was like, what in the fuck do you think this is? And I said to myself, there's no way it works.
And I said, I think the last one's song starts with an S, and it was like, hmm, judging by this, could it be Swan's song? And I went, you motherfucker, I'm gonna, the AI should burn because of this, at this one moment. Oh, did you see, not to keep harping on AI because I know some people don't like us talking about it, but it's kind of a thing and we're making fun of it most of the time.
The new video one that everyone's really, really jazzed up about.
And it puts out, you know, video that still is very clearly AI nonsense, but it looks prettier, which I guess is the good of it or something like that. But here's the thing. If you tell it to make a Fortnite Let's Play, it not only will put the person in the corner, it has almost perfect Fortnite gameplay occurring in the video.
And it makes me go like, I wonder where Google got all of their training videos. I wonder where Google, owner of YouTube, got all of their training videos from.
Hi. What's Bob? Hi. Do I have permission to talk?
Well, I think that all the people in the subreddit will diagnose you. All professionals. And some up-and-coming professionals. So, yeah, no, that's weird.
Well, it's not just about products. Sometimes it's about shows. And Amazon Prime also comes with Prime Video.
Yeah, they keep moving me because people keep finding me. I don't know how they keep doing it. I just wake up every morning, go out on my porch and go, Hello, everybody! And...
No wonder it looked weird. Studio light was on. Sorry, what's going on? Hey, what's up, pal?
editors are gonna love this i know i know what's wrong with what the editor is gonna be jealous i'm taking their job edit out the fireworks editors remove the fireworks from mark's video we can't have those we can't have those take those out make it just regular so that was the apple fire here's the editor's fireworks
I have a great... So you got happy endings, right? Yes. So, happy endings, but... Wait, which happy ending are you thinking of? The sex one? The happy returns is where you go to get a refund on your happy ending.
Stuff coming out of body. Oh, you're right. I had stuff going into body. I'm so stupid. God damn it.
Well, mine was not so happy, so maybe I had the irony about it, but on a fundamental level, I think he's still got it.
Mark, what do you think Alinaway is? Oh, well, it's from popularized by Lion King. Alinaway, Alinaway, Alinaway, Alinaway. In the jungle, the mighty jungle.
I don't know. Hey, I just talk, man. Mark's going to rat himself out. We've got to protect him.
What do I need to say? I don't need to say anymore. That's it.
Look, I'm already hit. I'm not gonna say anything.
It means some worries for the rest of your days. It means anxiety.
sobriety I don't know it's different every time who cares Mark what does it mean to be off the cob we know we did this one wait this is familiar on the cob I do feel like we did something similar but this isn't a 20 easy question situation again where we're getting the exact same words no promises oh boy all right so on the cob off the cob Which one is it, man?
So when you eat corn and it's still whole, you eat it on the cob. It means to eat something whole. Bob, what does off the cob mean?
That's not fair. You're real on the cob, man. It's like on the nose. You're too on the nose. No, it's not on the... It's off the cob. I love slang.
I know what it is. It's slang for a beet. Because, you know, some people, they didn't know what beets were. They pulled it out of the ground. It looks a lot like an onion. They got into it like, this red onion's weird.
That's telling. That's telling. That's telling. That clued me in. Uh... Does it mean... Couldn't be that simple. You're too wise and special for that. You're too sly. You sly dog. No, I'm literally stalling because I've forgotten what it was. What did you say? Off the cob. Focus your audio. God damn it! Focus your audio. Focus your audio. Yeah, that's right. You sly dog, you.
Apparently the phrase sly dog makes me forget because it's like it empties my mind of whatever's there.
The sun's just that Mario version of the sun angrily coming after you the whole time. But Peekaboo stops his tracks. What's new? Bob, specifically?
Mark, claws sharp. As we all know, the musical scale goes egabud, egabud, egabud claws. It means that it's sharp. Note at the end.
And face, of course. Agaba Claws and face. I thought it was Do-Re- Agaba Claws. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, Do-Re-Mi-Fa-So-La-T Claws. Everyone knows. It's the sharp note. Agaba Claws.
Everyone knows Egg of a Claw, you fucking idiots. Anyway, give me my point. I'm so right.
I mean, is that like radiation poisoning? Like you got the bad light in you?
The five horsemen of the apocalypse. Oh, pigeon.
Okay. In the movie Goodfellas, when Samuel L. Jackson had that briefcase and it was all glowy inside. Yep. Yep. Okay, go on. Go on. Sorry. They called that the Master John Goodman.
And the one guy goes like, am I funny to you? Do I look funny? I remember that.
It had to be right eventually. We got to do an episode where we do nothing but come up with alternate names for penis.
The Phoenix Nest is a vagina, because it's a source of rebirth.
Well, we don't need to praise his answer that much. We could throw a couple little compliments on my answer, too.
Mark, Mrs. Fub's Parlor. It's another slang for vagina. You know, I step into Mrs. Phub's parlor.
Hold on. Let me turn on studio light. Yeah. My God, your shoulder is so sharp. Center stage.
Yeah, for some reason, when I turn it on center stage, it kind of follows me. And then when I turn it off, it just zooms in.
slug-like movement me the winner alright well thank you winner's speech oh well thank you very much all of my answers didn't make any sense at all if anything if it was an act of sabotage I was trying to do to sabotage my chances I don't think I could have put forward a better performance how I won I don't know but hey Hamuka Matata Bob not winner's speech well he sort of took my line there I was gonna that's just how it goes sometimes you know
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, One-Eyed Wade loses his beamer, goes blue with envy, tosses terribly, and flosses with the Ferrers. Basement Bob's baby flops and flushes hard. He then sends seed skyward and goes west side. Manacled Mark has ad guilt, gets wet with Houdini, refunds a handy, and starts a sing-along.
I feel an overwhelming guilt building up inside me for every day that I have not done a video about all the Prusa 3D printers that they have sent me. I... Well, you could keep talking about them. I could, I could, but I don't think it qualifies. I think about it.
I'm on vacation right now, so I'm just like, I'm out trying to relax, and then I wake up in the middle and I'm like, I haven't promoted Prusa.
No, they're being used. That's why it feels bad. It's like they're like chugging 24-7 now. And I'm just like, oh, I got all this productivity for all these printers I got for free that they sent in right before the tariffs hit. Send them in. Yes. It's like under the door of the tariffs. Yeah. Anyway, I can make oceans go poosh in Houdini now.
Have I not talked about Houdini? I mean, I might have mentioned it tangentially. With the render farm, like, the whole idea was for Houdini, but now I'm actually in Houdini, which is by SideFX, is the company that makes it, but Houdini is the software, okay? So...
it's everyone if you ask anyone who's houdini they'll tell you it's procedural you'll have no idea what that means but they'll keep saying it as if it explains everything you know what do you think it's procedural means like it does it there's a procedure
Procedure. There you go. That's probably it. No, it just means you have to build everything you want to build out of the fucking Lego bricks that they give you. And you can modify it as you go. I don't know. It's nuts. But they have little pre-made things like Ocean and Wave Tank, and I can make it go...
Yes. You don't know how right you are. You don't know how correct you are in this moment. I'm happy for you, I think. But I've had to embrace Linux. I don't want to.
It's so stupid for Houdini on Linux. Like, I don't know why this is. Wait, if I go to Houdini Linux requirements, yes, I'm shitting on Linux again. It has some great things, but also like, holy fuck. If you go to any program game has like system requirements, right?
and so sure if you go to side effects for this software it's like you know windows it runs on windows 11 10 8.1 server is not supported you know oh 8.1 server not supported mac os you know just this version linux it runs on ubuntu debian rel fedora centos mint pop 20.04, Rocky, Alma. Older distros like, it's just, and then that's not even the main thing.
It's, there's a sub page where if you install it for Houdini, you need to install all of these plugins that couldn't possibly be bundled with it for Linux reasons. You need Libasound, LibC6, LibDebus, LibEventCore, LibXPack, LibFont, LibGL, GLXO, ICE, NSP, PR, NSS, OpenGL, PCI, SM, X11, X11, XCB, XCB Cursor, XCB DRI3, XCB ICBM, XCB Image, XCB KeySumes. I'm halfway through the list.
I'm less than halfway through the list. That's how many you have to install yourself to get it working on Linux. You have to...
No, I don't know. Maybe. I don't know why. Why wouldn't it be packaged with the Linux installer if it needed these things? Why doesn't it come with it?
From witness protection to snatch synonyms. Yes! It's time for Peek-A-Boo. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Man, I bet, actually, there probably is one of those. But the worst thing is that list that I read you is for only some of those distributions of Linux. That's for Debian, Ubuntu, Mint, and Pop. For RHEL, Rocky, and Fedora, there's a completely different list. Smaller, but different.
I'm not following it either. I'm not saying I know this stuff. Linux is silly. We're on the same boat here.
If I said I was, I lied. I must have been like, I am lying to you.
That car, my guy, that car is gone. That car is gone.
Hey, Wade, let me explain it to you in words, in a way you can understand. Editors, like, help me out with this one. Pretend my head is your car. Editors, now delete my head.
and instead of looking for a solution how long did you spend in photoshop trying to figure out spoiler alert swan song look man i don't know because the thing is i had it right in front of me it was so clear because what it was like i didn't know what this was but i knew the last one was sung right so it was like this
and not no one listening it's like it was an s i knew it started with an s and i knew song was at the end and that was like three lines here i'm like no letter has three up lines literally w anyway so yeah no i uh i feel i feel dumb there was so much more cut out of that than you saw i spent a good hour and a half trying
It seemed like I should be able to solve it. And, you know, the answer was more obvious than I look, man.
I choose to give my lost point to Mark. No, I give it back to you just to spite you. Alright, first story. A couple, whether it's a man or a woman, the woman got pregnant. And as is common, they decided to throw a gender reveal party. And they decided, on a budget, here's how we're gonna do the gender reveal. We're going to go to our local park, catch a few pigeons. They don't really run away.
They just hang out and you just grab them with your hands. We're going to paint them pink because it's a girl. And then we're just going to go back to that park and dump those pigeons right back where we got them. No harm, no foul. Pigeons back home. Everybody happy.
You may be seeing in your head the flaw in this plan that the day after the party, people at the park called authorities because there were a handful of bright pink pigeons hanging around in a place where they're usually just normal pigeons.
Sie waren wahrscheinlich in Ordnung. Ich glaube, Pigeons sind nicht anstrengend, Farbe zu sprayen. Ich weiß nicht, Verstörende.
Die Leck-basierte Farbe verhindert das Leck in der Wasser. Jeder ist in Ordnung. Anyway, this man and this woman, who had such a beautiful gender reveal, I can only imagine. What really I don't understand is, if the point was to release the pink pigeons, to be like, it's a girl! Why'd they still have them? They brought them back to the park. The pigeons didn't go anywhere. Oh yeah, wait.
Did the pigeons not fly away? Or did they just, like, have them in a cage and be like, look, they're pink!
You've seen gender reveal parties, right? It's like, there's like a firework. And the guy's like, light the firework. And it blows up and it's blue. And that means it's a boy. And also it lights a wildfire in California. That was a California story.
It's unclear. The story, the news story says that allegedly they dropped those pigeons back off at the park where they captured them.
The police were like, we don't need to know that to know what they did to these pigeons.
Wenn man sich das im Kontext anschaut, haben sie diese Pigeons mit ihren reinen Händen in einem öffentlichen Park gefangen. Die Pigeons, glaube ich, sind nicht so überrascht darüber. Sie fliegen nicht weg, als Menschen sie zu holen kamen, um sie zu holen. Als sie pink waren, waren sie so, ah, da ist Brot hier.
I can't stand how crunched my midface is and how huge my top, is it top face? High face? Not a forehead or anything. No, there's terms. They have terms for these things.
Alright, we locked those answers in. Mark says no Florida. Wade says Florida.
The correct answer is, of course those were Florida pigeons. What the fuck? Thank you. Thank you. You're right, Wade. Pink pigeons come from Florida. I'm just surprised nobody thought they were flamingos that escaped from the zoo and ended up in that park.
We found some pygmy pamingos. Pamingos? Oh boy. It's a new species.
That's not even the funniest one. This one is one of my favorites. It's just the headline even. The story is not even that good. Headline reads, Woman on motorized suitcase leads police on dramatic chase through airport. Apparently the story is there was a woman who had a flight and was at the airport early and decided to go hit the bar and have a few drinks. Quite a few drinks, it seems like.
And then tried to get on her flight. And she was so drunk that the gate attendant was like, you can't fly. Like, this is your being a problem already. We're not going to let you on the flight. And this caused the woman to become quite upset. She was like being belligerent towards the flight attendant, gate attendant people. They called the police who were in the airport.
The police showed up hilariously on a bicycle. And when the police got there, the woman... hopped on her electric motorized suitcase and gunned it, which for some reason made the police officer get on his bicycle and chase her slowly through the airport.
And there was a call over the radio of the bike cop, and he literally was like, Yeah, we're about to have pursuit through Terminal C. A woman on a black suitcase, a bike in pursuit. And so that happened.
It's like an electric scooter, but it's built into the suitcase, so you sit on top of the suitcase and a little handlebar pulls up and then you're just like, weee.
I mean, it's very new. This is like in the last couple of years I've started to see these. It's very new.
Yeah, it's literally marketed as it's a suitcase that's also a scooter. So you can ride it through the terminal or if you're crazy, ride it from the airport to your destination. It doesn't go that fast. This is not like you go 20 miles an hour. This is like a scooter that would be perfectly safe to use inside in an airport terminal. Goes like a few miles an hour tops.
That is correct. That is very true. I'm pretty sure Florida is southeast.
Probably not anymore. This might be their Florida man, Florida woman incident.
You get banned from the liquor store, you get expelled from school, you get banned from the airport. Those are the three tenets of being a Florida person.
You could rock a hat. Oh, that'd be so uncomfortable with these headphones. They make like silk-lined hats. It'd feel really good on your head skin.
Anyway, what's your answer, Wade? Stop stalling.
Not Florida. This dramatic police chase took place in the Orlando Airport in Florida.
I honestly don't know. That was a big mislead. And I was conflicted about this one because the woman was flying home from Florida. So she is not Florida woman. She is from elsewhere. But this is a Florida woman story. I'm going to say it is Florida. No points on that one. Yeah, that's Florida.
Alright, this next one is simple. We'll get to the bottom of it real quick. A man was driving on the interstate with his dog in the car, but no other people, and was fairly intoxicated. You could tell they were drunk from outside the car, was swerving or driving erratically, whatever. This man eventually gets pulled over on the interstate.
While the cop is pulling him over and getting out of his car and stuff, the guy has a brainwave, thinks and acts quickly, switches seats with his dog, puts the dog in the driver's seat, and he climbs into the passenger seat. And when the cop comes and knocks on the window and sees that the dog is clearly the one driving, the man is still got in trouble for drunk driving.
But he almost got away with it. What was the car? It was a Ford Ranger pickup truck.
Yeah, no interesting facts about the man. He just had some drinks and then was driving and being irresponsible. And the dog was also not otherwise remarkable.
Okay, wow, okay, alright, well, okay, alright.
I'm gonna give you an abandoning Ohio point mark since you did that so much.
I'm gonna be honest, I did consider that. Except this story took place in Colorado.
That's a Ka-Bonus point for you, Wynn. A Ka-Bonus?
What do I get? Nothing. I didn't give him a Ka-Bonus. I said almost, so... But Kobonis was pretty funny. This one's a little rude, but it's also kind of funny, just for the situation. A man lived with his parents after separating from his wife and was not doing well. The separation was hard on him. He was struggling with it. Eventually, he had quite a fair amount to drink, got kind of belligerent.
His parents were trying to calm him down. He ended up... Ja, ja, ja. And he was angry and we're worried he's going to do something or that he might drive a car or something. And the police are like, okay, okay, what does he look like? And they're like, oh, he's wearing jeans, a red t-shirt, whatever. Oh, and he's a quadruple amputee. So he has no arms or legs. So pretty distinctive.
You'll probably recognize him. And the police put out a bolo that said, man, belligerent, possibly drunk, consider armed and dangerous. Which just feels a little insensitive. I am assuming it's a gun. I have no idea. And it's unclear also to me how he left. I'm assuming he had like a wheelchair or some kind of mobility device that he was able to do. Anyway, he ended up being fine. They found him.
Probably not a bad idea. Anyway, if you've never seen this show, I'm gonna judge them and one of them's gonna win and they're gonna host the next one. Usually I say that before we get into the small talk, but I forgot to say that today. It doesn't matter. Because I just make up the points and it's all bullshit.
Nothing bad happened. He was just having a bad time with a tough divorce and had some drinks and wasn't handling it well. But it was okay. And they found him and got him home. No one got hurt. No arms and no legs. Quadruple amputee. It doesn't say, it's not described as complete amputations. And so it could have been at the wrist, at the elbow. That doesn't mean he had no limbs whatsoever.
But it does mean each of his limbs was amputated to some extent. And it's not very specific.
His medical status was not a part of the story.
What? An episode about judging Florida? Biases against Florida? What?
Yes! I'm finally killing it all on my way back.
That was very much more the tone that the actual article I was pulling. The article was like, it didn't have any arms. Armed and dangerous guys.
Small talk? You guys got small talk? I got small talk. But you can go first.
This is not a hint. I'm just going to say this next one. Reeks of Florida. Ein 20-jähriger Mann wurde auf mehrere Warnungen gewünscht, die einen gewaltigen Akt verursachten. Nicht gute Dinge. Diese Person wurde von der Polizei gewünscht für eine ziemlich ernsthafte Sache, aber sie war auf der Runde. Sie haben ihn nicht gefunden, aber sie hatten eine Bildung.
Sie wussten seinen Namen, sie hatten ein Bild, sie wussten, wer dieser Kerl war. Und als Teil ihres Mannhunts posteten sie auf der Polizei-Departement-Social-Media, auf Facebook und wo auch immer, sie posteten und sie waren so, wir werden von der Polizei gewollt, das ist der Name des Kerls, er ist 20 Jahre alt, er ist 5,10 Meter, er ist 140 Pounder.
Hier ist sein Bild, wenn ihr ihn seht oder ihn kennt, bitte ruft uns an und seid vorsichtig, er könnte gefährlich sein. A bunch of people commented like they do and one of the comments reads, Y'all almost had me the other day. You gotta be quicker than that. The suspect wrote from his own personal Facebook account with his own picture and name on it that was clearly actually his account.
The police responded and were like, Hey, you better get in here. What are you doing? And he responded to their comment and said, what do I get if I turn myself in? It turns out you get nothing. You get arrested. There was no reward to him for turning himself in. I really need the money. I guess I'll turn me in. I found him, officer. They found him. He was just like hiding out at a friend's house.
Even medium talk is allowed. What kind of talk? How much talk?
It was not spectacular. They found him. He just saw the post and was like, you almost had me. I just imagined that guy from that commercial with the big fishing pole with the dollar on it. And he's like... Not Florida.
No, you just sneezed for references. I got it. It landed. All right. This took place. And wait, this is going to make us look really good. This took place in Ohio, the Florida of the North.
I like this one too. These are all fun stories, you know? This is the story of a 26-year-old woman who is just dropping her friend off down the police station. Her friend contacted her and was like, hey, I need to go to the police station. Can you give me a ride? And the woman was like, I'm a good friend. I can definitely give you a ride. Let's go.
And they got in her SUV and she drove down to the police station and dropped her friend off and then proceeded to drive into the parking garage of the police station into an area that was pedestrians only down several staircases and ended up getting stuck down at the bottom of these staircases in an area that's not car sized because it's for people to walk in because it's stairs.
Um, and when the, it is at the police station, uh, where the police came and, and talked to the woman and she was like, listen, my bad, I was just following what my GPS told me to do. And the police were like, ah, we think it might be because you're super drunk right now. Let's take inside and figure this out. Was she? She was incredibly drunk.
This is not the highest blood alcohol level in my list of stories, but she was more than twice the legal limit, according to this news article.
What do you think an Ohio woman would have just been like? Oh, you got me. Hi Drake, sir.
That took place in Florida. How could it not?
Well, I like this one. This one, the headline's not so flashy, but the story's pretty good. This one is, there's a man in his twenties who stole a truck. Caught stealing the truck. Police were called. Police pursued this person in the truck. And he's driving and gets onto a street where there's like a police blockade ahead of him. He sees there's police parked up. He's being chased by police.
He's done for. But he has an idea. He stops the truck and bails out and hops on his skateboard. Interesting side note. This man was wearing a high visibility construction worker vest. Could not be more visible in the evening dusk setting sun. Got on a skateboard while surrounded on all sides by buildings and police in cars. Did he escape on the skateboard? No. No, he did not.
literally hopped on the skateboard and skated right at the blockade and the cops were just like, and pushed him over and arrested him. And he got in trouble for stealing the truck, because that's not allowed. Anyway, I just love that he's wearing, there's a picture of him, like, at post-arrest, from, like, MNews, whatever, people somewhere nearby.
He's literally wearing one of those bright yellow with retro-reflective tape vests that you can see from two miles away that guys wear when they're working on the highway at night. Even if he could get past the cops, they could see him from everywhere.
What if the skateboard was in the stolen car? Maybe it was just fortuitous.
Yeah, well, clearly it worked out so well. How could you explain that? And there's construction everywhere.
He hops out with a shovel and he's just like, just digging the road.
Alright, to get here as quickly as possible.
Not Florida. It's pretty hot already. I feel like what you want is hot weather outside or skateboarding.
Well, okay, that seems like a narrow distinction, but okay. Anyway, despite your flawed reasoning, Wade, this took place in Los Angeles. No! It was Mark. Los Angeles, the Florida of California.
It says in the news article that this was the LAPD and it happened in downtown L.A. I thought I was trying to mask it a little bit. Part of the reason he couldn't get away except for the two ends of the street was it was on a grid like an overpass in L.A. Right.
It was it's a very city thing where it's like he was on an overpass where there's literally nothing on either side and you have to go one way or the other. And the cops had him fully surrounded at this point. Because in a normal situation, he could have run into a building or through the buildings, but he had no choice but to skateboard.
It's worse in L.A. I don't know if it's worse. It's just as hot as shit in L.A. kind of, but not as humid.
You were wrong, but also you were right. It's just annoying. Alright, I like this one because it's an intrusive thought that I've totally had before. A man and a woman were arrested at a Walmart because they walked into the store, got a cart, were doing some shopping, got hungry, grabbed a rotisserie chicken, ate half of it, decided they were full,
and put the rotisserie chicken back on the heating shelf where they keep those so that someone else could enjoy the other half meal. Turns out Walmart did not take too kindly to this. They called the cops. They were arrested for, I don't know, I assume the crime of eww or something like that. I've definitely had that thought.
I've had times, you know, you go to Costco and you're a little hungry because it's like you haven't had lunch or something and the rotisserie chicken smells really good.
Take it easy. You're really burning a lot of points on this right now.
Thank you, sir. It'll let you off easy. Like they knew in Florida. The finger-licking bandits. Florida or no Florida?
i know but they're everywhere i know of three walmarts within half an hour of my house in ohio they're everywhere but like the walmart vibe is definitely a thing i mean hell i walked through a walmart one time like 10 years ago and i feel like i farted through three straight aisles like weird things just happened to you in walmart why would you don't have why did you did that you chose to do that why did you do that my body chose to do it man just wouldn't stop you're you're what's wrong with walmart is what you're saying yeah wait why did you
I went into Walmart and I just started stealing stuff.
You just felt permission to behave like that because you have preconceived notions about Walmart.
This cropped us three consecutive aisles. I thought it would end. God, was one fart?
Tampa Bay, France. Ist pronounced... How would you pronounce that in a bad French accent? Tampa Bay. Yeah, that's French. None of those syllables are French. Les Tampa Bay. Yeah, Les Tampa Bay. There you go. Perfect. Les Tampa Bay. Anyway, it's really close. But also, I'm gonna make this last one worth four points. That's an oddly specific amount of points.
Why do I feel like I'm down and you're giving me a chance? No, you're right, Mark. That's too generous. How about this? The main question, I'm going to make that worth two points. If you can guess either which city in Florida it happened in or which other state it happened in, that's bonus points. Two bonus points. Und wir machen die naheste Stadt in Florida, also muss es nicht die gleiche sein.
Ich schaue auf eine Karte und wir entscheiden.
Ich weiß nicht. Ich habe nur gesagt, es wird irgendeiner Stadt sein. Aber wenn es in Florida ist, denke ich nicht, dass du Bonuspunkte für Florida bekommen solltest. Ich versuche es nicht zu geben. Ich versuche nur, meine Basis zu öffnen. Auf jeden Fall, die Headline schreibt Amazon Delivery Driver musste wirklich darauf achten, dass sie kein weiteres Write-Up bei Arbeit bekommen.
Dann Amazon Delivery Driver walked through an active shooter scene where police were like circled up and dealing with an active, well, not an active shooter, but someone who had a gun and was like holed up and the police were trying to arrest them and they were like, don't come in or I'll start blasting sort of thing.
Said the Amazon Driver pulled up to the scene and was like, if I don't deliver this package, Gary's gonna fucking write me up again. Next to the one that the person they're dealing with is in. Just leaves the package, takes the picture, walks casually back past all the cops to the Amazon truck. Just really, really wanted to make sure delivery got there. It was two day prime shipping.
Didn't want to cause any problems.
Was it you? Crazy story. But there's only one question that matters. I guess there's two on this one. But the first question that matters is Florida or no Florida? And it's the Florida, no Florida is worth two points.
Okay. Since you're committed to not Florida, do you want to lock in a guess for what state this took place in? Just so you have all your answers in at one time.
Were you trying to think, what state is fucking Boston in that whole time and you couldn't remember?
I will pick Jacksonville. Oh, I didn't even say that one yet. Mark knows so many cities. All right. I told you I knew so many cities.
Mark is locked in to, yes, Florida, Jacksonville. Wade is locked in to, no, Florida, Massachusetts. This took place in Raleigh, North Carolina, a city I lived in for seven years. So Wade gets two points, but no bonus points. And Mark, you're just actually flat out wrong.
But two of those both of you got. That doesn't really help you. I don't know that I got that many more, right? Well, we'll find out because I'm about to read what you got points for. Mark, you earn points for saving bacon, abandon Ohio, dog UI, quadruple amputee, police station DUI, and finger licking bandits. Oh, by the way, the person whose name I read first is the loser today.
Wade, you got points for breeding Hanabis, Minolta Lens, Florida Mandemic, Pink Pigeons, Faithful to Ohio, you also got the Dog UI, you got Gotta Be Quicker Than That, Bull... You also got Police Station DUI. You got LA Skateboard Man. Foul Play got you minus one point. So you do actually have minus one point.
There was another chicken pun that you said that got you another minus point, but I didn't write down what it was. But you also got point for Three Isle Fart, Finger Lickin' Bandits, and you just got Amazon Standoff. Mark, your efforts today gained you 7 points. And Wade, your efforts today gained you 13 points. Jesus Christ! Minus 2, which means that you still won with 11 points.
Wait, did you think 13 minus 2 is going to be less than 8? I don't know what episode you were listening to, Wade. The whole time, Mark was like, oh my god, I'm getting my ass kicked. And you were like, no, you're not. We're doing the same. I really thought we were.
You had two that you both got. The rest of them, Mark got two and you got six?
No, those aren't points. Those are things you got right. Oh. No, no, Mark and I were basically the same. You got five and Mark got two and you both tied on two of them.
That's very true. Very sage of you. Good wisdom you're dropping on us or something. Anyway, congratulations, Wade. That means you're hosting the next episode. You can find us on socials. Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777. Wade is Markiplier?
Yeah, Mark's quitting everything. He's gone. Say goodbye, everybody. Yeah, Markus Markpleier. We have merch. DistractibleStore.com. That's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for watching. Make sure you follow the podcast, because then your phone or your tablet or whatever will tell you. You can only watch it on Spotify, though, so you better watch it on Spotify.
I thought I had something else to say. I don't, because the podcast is over. That's the end. Okay, bye. Podcast out. Editors, blow us up!
So you didn't even move it because you were like, oh, what if it leaks? Oh, it should relocate. You were just like, oh, I gotta fix that.
She doesn't know her numbers. Oh my God.
Aber es ist cool, weil es so passiert. Ich denke, das ist cool. Du hast einen einzigen Hanabi-Set, der völlig unnötig ist.
Schau dir all diese Tile mit Farben an.
You know what you need? Somewhere in the world, there's a double green Hanabi deluxe box. If you can find that, then you'll have bought three sets and have three sets.
You could breed Hanabi for others.
Well, I have small talk that both of you won't like. Well, hang on, you don't know yet. Maybe one of you will like it. I don't actually know for a fact you will like it. I just assume. Well, I talked to you guys about the fact that I golf now.
Sorry, I'm already tuning out. Look, listen. I'm not saying that you should watch golf on TV. I'm crying. I'm mourning the loss of my good friend Bob. No, I listen. Look, have you ever golfed? You should golf. It's hard. It's so hard, but in a fun way. I've top golfed. I haven't golfed. Der Topgolf zählt. Weißt du, was lustig ist?
Also habe ich ein Set von Klubs gekauft und ich habe einen Rund auf einen 9-Klub-Bar-3-Kurs gespielt, was wie ein Baby-Kurs ist, was wie der größte Baby-Kurs, der es gibt. Ich habe nicht gespielt, weil ich schlafe, aber Topgolf ist wie, sie haben die, sie tracken die Bälle, was auch immer. Ihr wisst, ihr wisst beide Topgolf.
Hallo und willkommen zu yet another episode of the podcast that just won't end. This is Distractible. I am your host because I won the last episode. My name is Bob and I am joined by my two competitors for today's show, Mark and Wade. Hi. Hello. Alright, I was gonna let them... Usually you guys have a lot... You jump in and you've got the... No, that's fine. That's fine.
Die Range, die ich zu der Praxis gehe, ist wie eine mehr seriöse Fahrer-Range.
Well, now I can do it slightly more consistently. Anyway, the range I go to that's like a more serious golf place, they use the exact same shit. It's called the Top Tracer Technology. It's just Top Golf. It's like a totally serious driving range, but also it's just Top Golf. You can do all the same shit, basically, which I find really, really funny.
But golf, guys, we have to go golfing. It's surprisingly fun. On an actual range? I mean, Topgolf is fun. I've gone to Topgolf a couple of times to like hit balls because it still counts, it's still practice.
The place I went had hills. I swear to God, it was as steep as that hill in LA that you've taken us down. It felt like we were on a fucking roller coaster. But also a lot of the hills were down into ravines over creeks. And the bridge is about two inches wider than the wheels of the golf cart.
So you're fucking screaming down a hill just like onto a bridge that's exactly the width you need it to be.
You're not supposed to go as fast as you can. But there's no rule that says you're not allowed to go as fast as you can. I think Wade cursed me with my eye because it's just something.
Cordial abrasion. No, I like Hanabi. I like Hanabi. Anyway, I like golf now. It's fun. We should do Topgolf. But I just want to say the first hole I ever played on a real golf course was a very short par three. The first swing I took, I just fucking rifled a ball a hundred yards to my left into the woods. Didn't even think about looking for it. I took the swing and it was like whack.
But then on that exact same hole, I take my next shot. I take another one and I'm just short, like just off the green, like about almost where you can putt it. I chip in from off the green using a pitching wedge from like 30 yards away. It rolls down the green into the cup. Fucking best golf shot I'm ever going to hit in my entire life. I feel like that epitomizes golf entirely for me.
Started off with just the worst thing I could have done. Finished it with an unbelievably talented shot that I had no reason to make. And the rest of the day was very much like that. Technik? Technik? I don't have to go on about this, but I golf now. So get ready for that. I'm learning a lot and I'm gonna talk about it.
We should record an episode of Distractible where we play Hanabi and go to Topgolf.
I never know which way it's gonna go and I just... I don't know.
Yeah, the DJI Osmo Pocket 3. It's built in with a perfect tripod that would be literally so convenient. And it has a microphone. It's like made for that exact purpose.
Especially me. I love golf. I gave myself five points for golf. You guys better catch up. Anyway, today's episode, I do have an idea and I even did research. Today's episode is called Florida or No Florida. Florida or no Florida. I have in front of me a series of websites and lists that I have compiled using internet research of Florida man stories. But some of them take place outside of Florida.
A lot of them do take place in Florida. Less than half, I'll be honest, less than half, but a good chunk of them, like 40% of them, Take place in other places. And the entire game is, we're gonna talk about funny Florida man stories. And you guys have to guess Florida or no Florida.
I will say I'm conflicted, but I've made a decision. One of them is a story about a person who is from Florida, but takes place in Massachusetts. And I'm classifying that as no Florida. Wow. Because it's about the location specifically.
I know, I know. Well, look, I gotta be honest, it was not as easy to find Florida man stories that weren't just in Florida as I thought it would be. Turns out, most of the crazy shit happens in Florida.
I don't think they really cared that much about the pandemic. I think they pretty much just kept drinking.
I wear glasses 100% of the time. You wore nothing once. In one recording session for, I think, two episodes, I wore contacts and then I realized I look really goofy without glasses on my face, so I'm just gonna stick to glasses. My glasses disguise the misproportions of my midface and top face.
I said it, but you get the points.
I hate that for reasons that I can't quite describe.
That is a slow burn and an explosive ending. I like that.
I guess my thing is there's a lot of words I don't remember. We just use a different word.
I think that's me. I'm having the best time, Mark.
All right. This one, this approach requires a quick snap decision. I'm not saying you'll never get it wrong, but I am saying you have to be really thoughtful because what you want to do, if you reach the point of like service is too long or Clearly your waiter is, is distracted or something has happened, whatever. What you do is you don't leave. You're still going to eat.
You're already at the restaurant. And like, it's, it would take so long to get somewhere. It's not like you're going to save time going somewhere else. But if you want to speed up, you go out, step out, excuse yourself, go out to the car. Grab your eight ball of cocaine that you keep in the car purely for planting evidence purposes.
Go back inside, ask an employee where the bathroom is and look kind of lost and wander your way back to the employee locker room. You notice the name on the waiter's name tag before all of this started. So find the locker that has their name on it. Stick that in there. Go back to your table. Get the manager's attention.
Let them know that you saw some white powder or substance or something on a waiter's nose and you have some concerns. They're behaving erratically, whatever. Cops will be there in 10 minutes. You'll get a new waiter. Service will be impeccable.
The manager will see to it that you get everything you want so that you don't do anything crazy and talk about their coked up waiter who wouldn't bring you your drinks and appetizers. I believe it would work.
I honestly don't know. I know that term from like crime procedural crime drama TV shows. I assume an eight ball is either eight ounces or yeah, or magic eight ball size.
That must be how much a eight ball at a billiard set weighs. 3.5 ounces. That's probably right.
What accent was that? Were you trying to be like a mobster or something?
Hey, Tony. Give me some of that gabagool.
I think I figured out where it is. Oh, okay. Well, bonus points if you got it. It's Chuck E. Cheese. No. No, isn't that Olive Garden slogan? It is Olive Garden.
Say they hadn't seen Edward Burback's video about Olive Garden? I don't know.
I got another option mine involves okay in this universe you're close personal friends with Vin Diesel you call Vin you tell him you're at a restaurant where they claim that when you're here you're family and then he gets outraged for you and Vin Diesel comes into the Olive Garden and just starts shouting at everyone it's about family and then they're all like Vin Diesel and your service is actually way worse but Vin Diesel's there
All right, what you do is you reach into the novelty pumpkin Halloween candy container that you use as a purse, and you pull out cans of SpaghettiOs that you always carry with you just in case, and then since it's Italian food, nobody notices, and you just eat cold SpaghettiOs right out of the can because you're family.
So you move the restaurant secretly to... No, just their fuck time. All right. This Olive Garden is on the moon. You're inside where nobody has space suits on. You look at your waiter when you finally get her attention and you say, Hey, excuse me. I think one of our party is outside trying to find the entrance. Would you mind peeking out the door and letting them know how to enter the restaurant?
It's warm out now, and that's really fun for James because it means we get to go back to the playgrounds and stuff. And we did that yesterday, and he had a hell of a time. Before it got cold when we were going to the playgrounds like the end of last summer, he was walking, but he was small enough that it was kind of like we had to chase him around, basically.
And without thinking, they go to the door and crack it open to peek out. But they don't have a space suit on. And they get sucked out into space and they freeze to death on the surface of the moon. And then you get spaghetti from someone else.
Does any of that solve your problem? All of them solve it. All of them solve it.
You're in the peach in the Claymation movie, James and the Giant Peach. You're the spider. James is the waiter.
Yeah, I think we're really on this, Wade.
Yeah, that's not a positive. That's just them pretending that something shitty is actually a positive. You get to pick your own seat. You don't get to sit with your party. You get to pick your own separate seats. They're all middle seats.
This makes me so angry. I don't understand what happens to people, but the solution is easy. It helps if you've been on a longer trip, but you can actually start preparing before your trip if it's a short trip. What you're going to want to do... is not shower or in any way bathe or wash yourself for a minimum of eight days in a row prior to having to stand and wait at baggage claim.
Cause at any moment he might just like fall off an edge or do something crazy. And so we would, and he's like really independent now, which is awesome. But I forgot one important fact about the playground that we take him to a lot. It's like one of those old school, like wooden castle style playgrounds. Super fun. There's an area with a really fun slide.
I think the outcome here is pretty self-evident.
But basically, you want a pig pen-esque visible cloud of stank that not only smells so bad that people want to stay away from you, but creates an actual physical barrier where if people try to get close to you and they try and enter your area, it's like they're caught in a miniature tornado and little splinters and debris get lodged in their skin if they stay in it for too long.
It's like a supernatural force field of stank. And I think you'll find you'll have lots of space in a number of different scenarios if you just prepare for your trips in this manner. And if it's a long trip, you can go, you can start your trip fully washed and then just make sure you lead up to the... Because when you're going somewhere and you have to do the baggage claim thing...
It's still stupid. But when you're getting home from a trip and you're like, oh, just let's get to the car and fucking the airport. That's the one where you really can't stomach the morons who push your three feet away from the thing. You're at the absolute minimum distance where you're like, I'm respecting the boundary, but I'm claiming my. And there's still some asshole who's like, excuse me.
Excuse me. The douchebag walk. Excuse me. It's not illegal even. You're totally welcome to do that. Like, you can't. What are they going to do? Arrest you? They can't. Can't get in the force field.
Yeah, no, it's like, it's like the princess. What's that? The princess bride. You slowly build up your resistance to Iocane powder, but it's not Iocane. It's stink juice.
This is a complete aside and not related to what we're talking about, but can I just put this out there?
Is there a greater joy in life than coming across a video on the internet of a person in one of those inflatable suits where there's a fan constantly sucking air into the suit to keep it, like, inflated and puffy, and someone comes up behind them with a little bottle of fart spray and just hits them with the old... And then the person in the suit is just like...
Is there anything funnier than that? Like I know that there is, but when I, cause those always come out of nowhere, you'll be online. And then it's like, there's just a video of a guy in a Barney suit or something. And then that's the fart spray happens. And you're just like, Oh, I needed that.
And he was, I was letting him climb up on his own and go up there to go on the slide. But right next to the slide, they made this feature where it's like tractor tires stacked up. And the middle of the tractor tires is a hole down all the way to the ground. And you're, it's meant for kids to like climb down the tires, like their ladders.
It's a really big roll of travel sandpaper. It takes up a lot of space.
I started relative. I thought we were going to- You got more? So you've got your carbon fiber retractable Assassin's Creed sleeve blade. Right? Yeah. And they push by you. You wait until you see their bag coming. And you just stand there and you blend in with the crowd, like in the games. And when the nuns start to get confused why you're walking around with them when you're clearly not one.
And as you see your nemesis eye their bag because you can tell there's a thing that happens when the bag comes out and around and the person is like and they like prepare their body to grab the bag you get up right behind them just outside of the range where they could send you real close and right as they're about to reach for the bag right through their hand oh through their hand Yeah.
Like intercept the grab right through their hand. Retract the blade. Walk away. Back to the nuns. Go climb into a wagon full of hay.
You walk through the crowd and you do like the swimmy arms. Yeah.
And then there's like some chains and like it's for climbing, but James is not tall enough or coordinated enough to climb on something like that. So I let him go up there and then he, he got to the slide and he was like, slide, slide,
That's where airport taco bells get their beef.
big tires and i was like what do you mean big tires because it's like up on the second level and i'm like what big tire and he went and he just like leaned over the hole and i was just like i forgot that was there oh and i ran and dove under the bottom of it and was like face up under the hole and i was like got on a slide and he just looked at me for a second it was like Oh yeah. Slide.
ketetTVket disputetTVketketet Thank you.
All right. I won't jump down the suicide hole yet. Like it was the one because when we got to the playground, I was like, all right, let's see how this goes. And he started climbing on his own. And I was like, this is cool. He's so he's having so much fun. And then he was like, I'm going to go on the slide and started climbing up. And I was like, oh man, big tires. Like, whoa, fucking shit.
Why did they put a jump hole in this play set? God. Anyway, he's fine. And he went down the slide about 20 times. He would just, but like half of the times I continue to let him go up on his own. And like half the times he'd get up there and be like, big tutters. And I had to be like, we're going on the slide, buddy. Remember the slide. Yeah. But anyway, it was super fun.
. . . . . . . . . . . in P a And so Justin Long goes out to his like mansion place and is like interviewing him. But he's kind of an asshole. And then the guy does the walrus stuff. Is that what you do to the people? Basically, you tusk them. Yeah. But actually, they become two meerkats, but not so cute because big and, you know, patchy.
And only twice did I almost think he was about to break his entire self, jumping down a big hole for no reason onto hard ground below. Also, he threw a lady her cell phone. That wasn't really funny. This poor mom was chasing her kid around who was more in the needs adult supervision, very directly staged still, younger than James.
I'm killing it. Mark usually only gives out, like, a handful of points.
and i added for you mark i added had the best time right that's great that's great good thank you for that
Oh shit. That's a tough one for this episode. Who got the biggest laugh?
I mean, I'm not, yeah, I feel like it's pretty balanced, actually. It's your discretion, Mark. I laughed a lot at Wade's stuff, so.
And she like went down the slide in front of James, like frantically like, ah, where'd you go, baby? And her phone fell out of her pocket on the top of the slide. And James is just sitting there with this stranger's phone in his hands, just like, hmm.
I don't know if there's going to be a debate if it's baldest. That's trouble for Mark. Well, that's a point for the viewers there.
Yeah, and didn't Wade kill God with a shotgun or something?
I love these episodes. I can never tell when they're starting off if stuff is just going to be unhinged and weird or unhinged and funny. But consistently, Wade will say or do something that will get me in the right mindset to just completely go off the rails and say the craziest shit I can think of. And I honestly think if it was not for Wade, I wouldn't have won this one.
But I did win it, and it's my win, and I'm keeping it. Okay, fair enough.
mine now and she's at the bottom of the slide like give me my phone baby give me my and he like contemplated and everybody eventually he was like oh okay and tossed it down the slide and it was very nice but i thought i was about to have to go wrangle my son from stealing a stranger's cell phone at the playground i thought you're going to be like oh you found us a new phone thanks baby and then like leave with it now james ask for money for this oh yeah
But I'm so excited. It's going to be a great playground year for this man. He's about to have a lot of near-death experiences that make me shit my pants only a little bit. Big tires. Big tires? Big tires. So that's my day.
Compared to you guys, I'm like the Stephen Hawking of parenthood. That's probably true, yeah. Or the LeBron James of parenthood. Just slam dunking that baby.
You don't know what he did, but it was hilarious.
I don't know if we actually ever said that out loud in an episode or not.
We're posted way to address in the comments of this video. Go just stake out a big circle around his whole property.
Here's a little patch of what sounds like white noise. But if you analyze it correctly, it's actually contains a lot of personal information, including his address.
That's the thing, yeah. Haunting blinds is where you wake up in a tree or a little tent on the ground and you wait in there. I've never been hunting, can you tell? I haven't either, but I've played hunting video games, so I'm familiar.
Yeah, if you hit exactly in the right spot, it could take out anything.
Oh, Ethan wasn't even offensive, but Tyler in France was a whole special kind of fun.
I don't know what he's saying. That must be some weird American bit. Nah, they don't know they're in Europe yet.
I feel like a lot of stuff you could be like, yeah, it does this. I don't know that mosquitoes do anything valuable whatsoever. They just pass around communicable bloodborne diseases.
Is that a real restaurant? Casa Bonita, Casa Bonita. It is a real place, but it's a South Park joke.
Is my camera in like two frames per second or am I losing my fucking mind?
heirloom i told you passed down from generations it's yours now and you'll pass it on to those who come after you i hope that thing is no longer in the family i'm gonna get like an fbi array like we have one of those grinders you hope the heirloom has been removed from your family that's not right that's messed up it was passed down from one generation of drug addicts to the next
I wish. A2. That's such a higher letter. I know. Why would I go for D2 when A2 exists?
Anyway, that's all I got. I'm looking at a list here and I don't see A2 even listed. Knife steel popularity index. We have the CPM-S35VN is the most popular followed by D2. I don't know if popularity is what you really want. The most popular knife is the mass produced Gerber, whatever blade that they sell at every hardware store in the face of the planet. Most popular doesn't mean most goodest.
If anything, you want one of the sort of least popular because that's probably mean it's cool. That's why I got the knife. I did. It was cheap. Anyway, I have a topic for today's episode. I'm pretty excited about it, but also it involves me doing a lot of readings. I'm a little concerned about that. So if I say anything incorrect, don't judge me. I just really need your guys' help.
It's going to be kind of, what's that show? Bob Barker? What's that show? It's kind of Price is Right rules going on here.
That's the name of the episode. I have a list of things that have happened. Pop culture, inventions, whatever. Stuff that's happened in the 20th and 21st centuries. Stuff we generally should be aware of as people, probably. It's not like a quiz to see how crazy the things are. I just need to know when that happened. Specifically, in which year that happened.
So we have a 1 in 25 chance for each of these, right? Or did you say 20th century as well? 20th and 21st century. Ah, my selective hearing only heard 21st. Excellent. I've got a good shot. Oh, wait. If you only guess within the 21st century, that'll probably help Mark a lot.
probably well it's like me trying to stay in russia whenever we were playing that other game that's true i don't know how many times i told you it was all in the u.s yep put me in guam oh that was funny i love that short yeah but anyway just just tell me the year honestly it's just whoever's closest i don't care you can go over under it that's not actually price is right rule so i don't give a shit
We'll start with one that we probably all three maybe know, maybe. And Mark's going to go first as his reward for having to do the one man show. So it'll be alternating who gets first crack. So there's no buzzing or any of that shit. I'm ready. The Nintendo NES system. Oh, the Nintendo Entertainment System. The NES launches in North America, revitalizing and innovating the video game industry.
That's an interesting guess. That's not exactly correct, no. All right, okay, all right. Okay, so my instinct here was to say 1986 before you said anything, but now I feel like I'm giving you the, like, you one-upped me if it came later, but I guess I'd be one-upping you if it came earlier.
Did you get the goop off successfully? I did. And guess what? It got three shots off in a row before it jammed. So now it only jams everything. Well, now you can defend yourself three times from a squirrel. 300% 200% improvement, Mark. That's a huge improvement.
oh is this price of rights rule did i miss something about that no no i said it's not it's it's closest to the closest to the number there's no over and under you're good you're good but my gut instinct was to say 1986 before you answered and you said 87 i was like you can take it you can take it i don't know if i feel like maybe it's more recent than 86 but i don't i don't know i was not a nintendo guy i was a i was a sega i was a dapper dan man fuck it i'll say 86
Man, I really thought you were going to steal it away from your own self. It was 1985. Wade wins the point. Oh, hey! There he is. You tried really hard to give that point to Mark. I respect it. I really thought it was actually 86 or 87. Like, I thought Mark, I was like, I think Mark might actually have the exact year.
And that was specifically released in North America because it came out before that. Wasn't that before TVs even? Ha ha ha. all right when you're next what year was lego patented oh oh oh legos lego lego my ego uh you know first legos came out oh man they were to distract kids from the nuclear bombs so 1944
It was just in case we had nuclear war. That's not exactly correct. I'm only going to give you the first answer, the point, if they immediately get it dead on the nose. So what's your guess, Mark? Repeat the question. What year was Lego patented?
But plastic wasn't made until they started pulling oil out of the ground. So it was probably part of the Industrial Revolution. I'm going to say 1924. It was 1958. Shit. Ah, it was the Cold War nuclear fear, not the World War II nuclear fear. Of course. Oh, I forgot about the nukes. Was that part of the clue, or was that part of your answer? I can't remember who said the nukes.
That was just shit that Wade said. That wasn't a thing. Oh, okay. God, I forgot about the nukes. I forgot about the nukes. God, how could I forget about the nukes? All right, we all know this one. We all know this one. But I don't know if we know know this one. What year did the platform YouTube launch on the internet? We all spend a lot of time on this website.
Mark gets to put right off the bat. I will also guess 2005. Yeah, and it started as a dating site. I always forget that, but that is actually true, isn't it? YouTube? MeTube? What? Yeah. YouTube. WeTube. Sex?
It was like a video dating site, right? But then they realized that the platform they had for video playing on the internet was... Which is crazy. I mean, I haven't checked the dating apps lately, but are there videos on those things? Why wouldn't there be? I can think of a few reasons why I wouldn't want to see them.
I mean, there'd have to be like rules about that and stuff, but... The same rules as the pictures, but it's like, why wouldn't there be... Honestly, probably because you have to actually show yourself talking in a not an opposed and potentially photoshopped picture. Hello, future potential spouse. My name is Richard. And this is Dick. Okay.
Is that music or the sound of your dick hitting the fan in front of you on the floor? They happen simultaneously. In time with the music, this fan is going to show you how much my dick can take.
YouTube. That's the invention of YouTube. There you go. All right, Wade. That was very high tech, which is not really your speed. I'm going to give you a low tech. Thanks, man. But it's a fun toy. It's fun. I think you love these probably. What year was the Slinky invented? Providing endless entertainment for children around the world.
Well, I'm going to give a little bit of a spoiler here, which will help my opponent. But I know the Slinky came out before Ace Ventura 2 because he had it going down the stairs.
Which means it was pre-2000. That's correct. You are dead on there. So I've got a 1 in 100 chance of just nailing this. The Slinky really feels like an invention straight out of 1936.
Well, I know I'm fond of this year. I've said it before. 1987.
man the simulation really heard what you said and wanted to make sure you got the message back yeah i really wanted random chance it said you're gonna have the same number twice in a row baby wonder what the odds are of that you can't lose twice yep that's wrong actually you can lose twice it was invented in 1943 the slinky was invented to distract the kids from the nukes clearly damn it
I always get my slinkies and Legos confused. No, wait, you're right, though. You are right. Yeah, wait, you get the point. You were closer. It just felt like a boring old people toy. So it had to be before everyone had teeth.
The kids were done working in the warehouse. They're like, all I've got is this busted spring. I was trying to invent a mine that sprung up out of the ground once it was triggered, but it's so floppy. Looks like it'd fall all the way down the whole stairs. Wait a minute.
no well that's the date that was recorded it's not really it's not i think i use the same system that you use mark because i learned what's the lore 250102 the headliners what do those numbers mean have you guys seen the inspiration section on youtube of your youtube studio Of the what is that?
wait where the fuck where'd you see that so go under content under under when you're looking at your studio go under content it's one of the tabs there i've got anamorphic through fast food i goo golf sub terror kletka escape room edition human fall flat the headliners hike it's time to try starting with terror Oh no, apparently only one thing is successful on my channel.
My ideas are Ultimate Prop Hunt, the best of the best. The history of Prop Hunt, a deep dive. The science of Prop Hunt, why it works. Prop Hunt, the ultimate guide to winning. And Prop Hunt. I was mistaken. I goo? Question mark is supposed to be I go. Because the thumbnail says the I go challenge. Ah. Where when I play golf, I go. I really like the AI generated thumbnails.
They have words in them and they're really close. But also they're still AI generated words. My fast food simulator that has Animorphs in the tile, the image is just like a demon goblin with a crown. And it just says fast food simulator on top of it. By the way, for the listeners who are currently having a conniption, nothing is being shown. Yeah, we're not showing this. This is our private ideas.
You guys can't have them. Yeah, you can't see. This actually gives you a whole outline of a video? What the even shit is this?
I want to make a channel that is just me taking these exact ideas and thumbnails and just reading them out and putting it and see how AI does. We got to do our best to recreate each of these ideas to a T. I think this might be the future. If Quibble Cop taught us anything, it's that everyone wants creators to be more AI driven. Yes! Yes! Oh, here's my Animorph fast food titles.
Fast Food Simulator Animorph Edition. I'm a Big Mac now.
morphed and hungry fast food simulator there's a picture of like a wolf diving through the air with a cheeseburger if you actually click on each of the ideas it'll show you thumbnails sure sure sure anyway bob did we get the year right or whatever's happening oh yeah sorry slinky 1943 wade was correct that's the last one we did right yes and then i had to get my video public and we're all good now we got a little distracted there
you guys should all go watch distractible i remember to plug it this time yeah we gotta make sure we include this hey if you're not watching distractible you don't know where or what you are right now true words have never been said all right mark you love space i don't like this this is the same setup as last episode I almost just read the year out loud, so I almost just got a freebie.
Finish this horror story, Mark. What year did Neil Armstrong walk on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission?
all right yeah see you just gotta summon your ancestors and speak to them in the clouds you're like lion king 1990 and what was that 1992 93 then we go back to 1969 all right yeah mark was just goofing around yeah i goof that is the correct year right that's on yeah that's on the dot that's correct one of these days i'll get one i actually know whenever it's my turn
Oh, he's starting the unfair thing. He's going to go to the subreddit soon.
I don't think it's unfair. It's just unfortunate. All right, wait, I'll do a really modern one for you. Oh, that's the worst. How is that the worst? I don't know, but I just feel like it would be, you know, stuff, you know, modern things. All right. All right. Hit me. Hit me. All right, buddy.
what year did despacito become the most watched youtube video of all time youtube again our job our livelihoods center around this platform we know we know these sorts of things okay so it's whenever it became the most watched video of all time not what it necessarily came out i even gave you a hint this is a modern era happening I understand. Alexa, play Despacito.
That was such a big thing, and it was just a little while ago. It became the most watched video in the year of our Lord 2021. All right. That is not exactly correct. Mark, it's a chance to steal.
I think it was. Honestly, I sort of thought that it still was.
Mark gets the point. It was 2017. Oh, fuck. I thought too much about it becoming the most popular rather than just... How many views does it have? Apparently, the current most watched YouTube video is the Baby Shark dance by Big Fong with 14 billion. But Despacito was overtaken by Baby Shark in 2020. And it currently sits at about 8.5 billion views or something like that. How does Despacito go?
i don't know any of the words i just know the despacito part that's tragic alexa play despacito
I got no shot with Spanish. Anyway, I tried to cheat for you, Wade. Hey, you know, I took a shot. I'll give you one I think you could steal really well. What year was the Tickle Me Elmo released for the holiday season causing shopping frenzies?
You're right, it does. It really tightens that down. None to be found until December 26th when there'll be millions around of Tickle Me Elmo. What are you doing? The song, Tickle Me Elmo. That can't be it. That cannot be it. No, you can't say that. You can't say that like we all know this. What is that song from? That Weird Al? Let me look it up. Tickle Me Elmo song.
Are we waiting for him to look it up? I think it's a Weird Al song, yeah. He's looking up the year of Tickle Me Elmo. I am not looking up the year of Tickle Me Elmo. He's cheating. He's cheating. He's cheating. I will close the tab. I was just looking up Weird Al Tickle Me Elmo song.
That's not exactly correct. Wait for the steal. Okay. I'm pretty sure when we were doing the episode, we didn't start the fire. Pickle me. Elmo was one of the things I had on the list. And I'm pretty sure I had it on the list before we started talking. And I think I stopped in the late 90s. So I think it was late 90s. I'm going to go with 1996.
are you sure about that it's a pre-911 toy i think so yeah i'm gonna say 1996 and wade gets the point it is from 1996 god damn is it actually 96 yes it is i was like i was so i was like oh it's gotta be 97 the way bob's like are you sure i should switch 97 sure about that bud i don't like you're sure about that okay now can i go back and look up the weird alpha Yeah, I guess. Yeah, fine.
All right, Mark. Oh, wait, you don't get to go first. You shut your face, Wade. Yeah. We like treaties on this podcast, especially when Bob's in the mood to do a quiz show for some reason all the time these days. The Treaty of Versailles, which ended World War I and redrew European borders. What year did they do that? What year did they sign the Treaty of Versailles? Yeah. What year was that?
When was that again? 1918. Not exactly spot on, Mark. It's a chance to steal. No, that was the year of that movie.
I'm waiting for Gilbert Gottfried, like you fall to happen where like you actually need a coating on the bullets because otherwise it causes some kind of horrible friction that damages the barrel. I lubed them. Oh, you re-lubed them? I re-lubed them. I forgot to tell you about that. The last Tupperware, instead of cleaner, I put lube. Gun lube.
Mark sneaks it in with the steal. The Treaty of Versailles was signed in 1919. Yeah! See, if you'd have known your movies, you would have known they were still shooting. I'm still stuck on Tickle Me Elmo. Mark, you are a filmmaker. You know lots of things about film things. Yes. What year was the first talkie film The Jazz Singer released?
First film with spoken dialogue played as the film itself played.
First treaty, then jazz singer priorities. All right. That is not exactly correct. Yeah.
wade gets a chance to steal all right uh can you re-ask the question now that i'm not listening to weird al in my ears yeah sure welcome back the first talkie film the jazz singer what year was that released this is the first movie that has talking like like voices and not just music played by like a player piano as the movie itself plays or whatever oh this was 1932 1932
Oh, that's embarrassing for the self-made filmmaker. Wade gets the point for the first talkie. It's 1927.
vow of silence for the 30s for sure they went with uh charles chapman that's not his name never mind char yeah no that's old charles that's what they called him you know chucky chapman oh yeah you know he's actually the guy who invented chucky cheese the mouse is actually styled after him isn't it like chaplin it's not even chapman it's chaplin isn't it charlie chaplin yeah chapman chaplin whatever
Wade, you love the classics, and this is an American classic. It's another film, though Mark has a shot at this one, but you love this sort of shit. What year did E.T., the extraterrestrial, come out and become a global phenomenon? Oh, I'm just trying to figure out, was E.T. prior to Star Wars or after Star Wars? There's a lot of Star Wars. You have to be more specific. The first one.
The first one came out in the 2000s or something. It was like 98 or something. Yeah, Phantom Menace. E.T. E.T. E.T. came out and touched the hearts of tens of people that were alive back then in 1976. 1976.
Damn. I'll give you a line from it, Mark. E.T. phone home.
So in a few weeks, they're all going to be sticky again. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, you got two weeks to fire them before the lube expires, then you got to redo it. Yeah, you're right.
It just felt like the technology was kind of around there, I think. Are there VFX in there? Well, it's practical. It's a puppet and a real alien in combination. It's all practical. The bikes were actually rigged up with jets. They were actually solid rocket boosters, so they had to get it in one shot because everyone died. Yeah, ropes and strings weren't invented yet, but we had rocket boosters.
They didn't have cranes over 30 feet tall until the 90s. They had to get tall man's shoes cranes. That was possibly the fairest one yet. A thing Mark knew not a single thing about and yet somehow got exactly right and a thing Wade seemed to know a lot about except for the actual piece of information he needed. It just felt a little pre-Star Wars to me, but it was not. It was not indeed. Mark. Hmm.
I didn't see the movie Social Network either. It's worth watching. It's a pretty good, it's an okay movie. It's pretty good.
The Dusseldorf twins are really hot. The who? What are those guys called? The Rowe, the Harvard, the Brumblebacks. Oh, Brumbleback Mountain. Nah, that's different. These are the twins, the googly eye twins. I can't remember their actual name. Hans and Franz. Yeah, they were here to pump us up. That's right.
Wait till you get a chance to steal this one.
So I think it was like 2005 that I wanted to make a Facebook account because I think originally we had to be in college. Yeah, you'd have like a college.edu email address. But like in high school, we were like, we just pretend to go to college and we get in right away. That's so cool.
That was like sophomore or junior year of high school, which means that it was around before that used by college, which means it was invented even before that. He's using logic.
so like the obvious thing for me to do would be say 2003 because it's like i just cut mark off by one but i think i'm gonna be stupid and say 2001 because that's the year my brain tells me it was made okay so you sound sad about is that your official guess yes and mark gets the point it was 2004 oh You talked yourself out of that one for sure. I know. Wow. I was like, okay, maybe it was invented.
I'd be kind of terrifying to see like a bullet condom flying through the air. Like you can see it. Yeah. It's like Twinkies. You go to the range and you're like, oh, I got to load these up. Like plastic. Each one is individually plastic wrapped.
40 on the dot. Oh, that's way older than us. He's already got some gray hairs. I don't see any. You can't have gray hairs if you don't have any. Am I right? Get from being a lizard. God damn it. Yeah, we're going to do one more so that Wade gets one more shot at going first here. And not for nothing and not for any particular reason, but I would say this one's worth double points for no reason.
Oh, right. That thing that I haven't made yet. I knew there was something about the Constitution I was fucking forgetting. Our three wheels. Yeah, the series of wheels we need to make up and then implement. All right, that'll take. All right, I'm going to pick one that none of us know for sure, but I know because it's in front of me.
Locking that in. Mark, you do get a chance to steal on that. This is when the patent was put out. The first patent for a fully automatic washing machine. Because a lot of old marketing was like women is the home. They kept on the home while men were at war stuff, right? That was like the 1950s thing. So I'm pretty confident 1951. I think that this is because this key thing here is a patent.
And I'm pretty sure the patent probably had a general patent. Yes. Hero understands it now. So I'm thinking that it was actually like the diagram for this is probably some nonsensical wheels on the ceiling. Like, you know, the ceiling fans that are tied all by bands going all over there. It was like a device from Whoville and shit.
Yeah, like some Whoville-esque thing, but he got the patent in 1901. I shouldn't have made it worth double points because it didn't matter anyway because Mark's a fucking savant at this game. Was it 1901? It was 1907. Okay, I'll take it. Yeah! Mark was so much closer. It was not even close. Yippee! Well, now hold on. He was the closest without going over. Wait, that's also good. Yippee! Hold on.
well i want to look at the diagram what do you have a picture of it uh this is just a list so i just google it yeah mark just google it you lazy shit just google it you know just google it don't ask us questions just google it oh this is saying wait 1797
Yeah, 1937. 30-07. This is 37 on this Google search. I'm going to say this. I put this all together without double checking anything. So if it's factually incorrect, that's on me. But also what's correct for the purposes of this show is whatever the hell I had written down on my
No, these are condoms for my bullets. They're not for me. They're for my bullets. Guy that uses your spot after you goes and looks at the garbage can. It's just a bunch of condoms. He's like, what the hell?
I was just trying. I don't see. Oh, is this the image of it?
But this is an image from 1851. That's not the correct one. My God, I need a three sided die. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.
over here put together shit god damn it i forgot i forgot oh man our rules were excellent i'm so glad we do those council meetings hey you were all on board this time around you were fully in there no you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right i think i have everything i need to add a category to the wheel Before we ever use it once, you have to add one?
Well, at the end of every episode, the host must add one item to the wheel. Okay. Did we decide we were going to add one, delete one, or just add one, add one? Add, just so it gets huge. Okay, right. We want bigger wheel. I don't know why I said that like that. I'm sorry. You have a stroke there?
i am going to add a wheel slot for being a loser which means whoever has the least points at the exact moment the wheel is spun for that one they just get a point for being a loser does that include the host uh between the two competitors okay okay Other people and viewers and listeners can get points from this wheel, but this is between you guys primarily. The other things are extra.
And for, okay, that's going to be the end of the topic. And now we have a whole convoluted thing that we have to do to end the episode that I completely forgot about, but is all prepared now. Also, I forgot we came up with the new thing for the unfairness. I love that. I can't wait to implement that. The coin flip thing.
yeah i don't remember what it was if you use the word unfair you trigger coin flips the coin will be flipped three times if the complainer wins three in a row the unfairness is proven if the complainer loses three in a row it is now fair and will be made doubly fair against them did i earlier say it because i was like oh is this the is is he doing you did say no one triggered it but you did say the word unfair because you were mocking wade as which
Well, you got three whole shots off, and I'm proud of you. In a row.
should have triggered it it should have because anytime you use the word unfair it triggers it as the host i'm gonna say that's too far gone we're moving on to the next phase of the show but we could have jumped all over you we need to keep that front of mind we gotta yeah i gotta remember god i gotta read the constitution i know we gotta study guys we gotta study this constitution if i if i said i said it it would have been on me yeah so then you could have had a chance of winning well i guess you would have doubled or lost double the point yeah i don't we
Look, I don't think we should read too much into it. It's definitely a case-by-case type of thing. We're just going to have to see what happens.
Yeah, just don't throw that word around so casually. Everything will be fine. What if someone says that's not fair? That's not in the Constitution. That's not the thing. The thing that triggers it is the word unfair. Okay, understood. All right. So the way this new process works is we have to roll a three-sided die to determine how many spins there shall be of the wheel.
I'm not going to share my screen for this. We're going to do an honor system because if we do share screens and shit, that's going to be a whole catastrophe mess at the end of every episode. Honor system. I'm rolling a three-sided die. It gave me one. That's unfair. I don't want to do it, but he did say it. I don't know what that would do. Doesn't say we have to trigger it.
Oh, actually, it does say that it just triggers this automatically. So technically, but it's it's like you could do that as a last minute play.
I don't know what the world record is, but... Look out.
Oh yeah, you gotta get three in a row. Anything other than three in a row either way, nothing happens.
I don't know what that would do for the wheel spins, but it would give me twice as few. Rules sound even more fair a week after we came up with... What were you thinking? It feels more fair now than it did in the moment. I don't know. We were all like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were all for it, whatever this all was. I remember it felt, at the moment, I was like, this is brilliant.
This is the best idea we've ever had. All right. I know how the coin flip should be.
We all flip a coin. And that's how you get. And it's therefore the triangle of fairness from the three coins, which apparently in sign language, this means pussy.
saw that on subreddit i like that we need official distractible tokens for this or just a quarter or some shit yeah i can i can i can see about sourcing that yeah oh even better i'll have to buy it yeah i like that temporarily we could just use quarters or whatever we have all right but but we should get official tokens i feel like that would be see now i'm back on the train this is the best idea we've ever had for the show yes
none of us will ever be traveling or lose the coin or anything like that. It's always going to work out just fine. Yep. Yep. All right. So we get one wheel spin.
Uh, if anyone cares, the, the starting components of the wheel are, you get a point for being the baldest, the shortest, the tallest, eight, the most during the episode, loudest during the episode, biggest, got the biggest laugh, best looking, which is on here twice, which is incorrect point for viewers point for listeners, most locked in most distracted, uh,
or being a loser meaning you have to lease points moment that the wheel is spun so we get one spin here which is for one point i am triggering the spin got the biggest laugh is the one that has been selected who who got the biggest laugh uh i made you laugh with my lion king bit i think that got a reaction the lion king bit might have been the biggest laugh
In six months, you're going to transcend your physical form. You're right. He's right.
i was gonna say it's definitely not me it's between you guys he definitely the lion king might be it because he went straight from the lion king he's like 1969 that might have been the moment yeah all right all right all right mark you have a chance now I doubled the points just to make sure Mark could stay in it.
He said unfair. You just said it. You said it first. And I was like, I got a coin ready. Yeah, but now we both said it. So now we got to flip it six times. No, it's only one per round. One per episode. All right, I don't have a coin. I do have the sacred lens cap. Do we have to fucking lens cap it? No, you can do online. I literally have this sitting in front of me, so I'll just use this.
I'm going to say the part that has the company's name on it is heads for me.
I just did an online one. I'm not looking yet. All right, I know my result. I know my result. I dropped it on the floor. Hang on. Flipping. All right, I have my result. Heads. Tails. Tails.
heads all right nothing happens oh i was the one who fucked it why did i lie if we're doing it on the honor system you can totally game that and be like heads that's why we'll have physical coins hey i was honorable i said tails i'll put big handles on the side of them so you have to pick it up in a very specific way We need coins and a coin tray, and you flip the coin into the coin tray.
I think you should have just gone back to like the World War I or the Civil War muskets where you get your little bullets, you put some powder, you put your bullet, you shove it, you light, then you go through the process again. That way you would never have a jam. It's like making the weirdest espresso ever. It's very procedural.
The coin can only land a specific way because of the handles, but it's fair. You have to flip it into a glue trap, and that way it stays where it is, and you hold that up. Each of us needs one coin per episode. It is permanently flipped once it has been flipped. We get a bowl of Mark's bullets, and that way we know it'll stick. Yep, yep, yep. All right. Extra large glue trap thing.
glue trap here we go oh yeah you get a whole roll of it oh perfect yeah exactly yeah maybe the jumbo no roll wade you earned points for knife powder basketball stuff cocaine grinder the nes legos slinkies tickle me elmo and the first talkie i started off so strong For a total of, Bob knows how to add numbers together, eight points. Good job. Good job, buddy.
Thank you. Thank you. Mark, you earned points for Clean Bullets, Gun Lube, Watched the Super Bowl, An A2 Knife, YouTube, Neil Armstrong on the Moon, Despacito, Treaty of Versailles, ET, Facebook, Washing Machine, and you got the biggest laugh of the episode. For a total of, and the suspension is, you could cut it with a knife. Oh, Mark got 13 points. Golf rules? Golf rules? No, not golf rules.
I had to hope. I had to hope. Anyway, that makes Mark today's winner. Congratulations, sir. I didn't even need the weird wheel.
I gotta be honest. I know I'm going to complain about it. I really like the addition of the wheel and everything at the end. I like that. I'm into it. The wheel can be sponsored, guys. Oh! The wheel can have a spot presenting sponsor, presenting our wheel of things. Oh, we can have more ad spots. Yes! Everybody loves ads, and they love our ads the most.
Today's winner wheel brought to you by Walt's Wieners. God, I wish. Anyway, wait, loser speech. It was a very fair episode. It was very fun. I enjoyed it. Learning how much we did or did not know. I don't know why I managed to just shoot off the race course. I was really just like the hare and the tortoise and the hare today.
Took off fast and then took a nap and Mark blew right by me past the finish line. I also think that the circle of life was definitely probably the funniest moment. So I've got no disputes. Very fair episode. Thanks for hosting it, Bob. Fun times.
thank you but mostly thank me mark winner speech look at this look what i can do i gotta be honest when you had it lower down off camera it kind of looked like you're going like this Yeah, I'd like to thank me.
I don't think he decided that, but okay. He might as well have. He might as well have. He can suck Uranus. It's probably a pleasant because that's a gas planet. It's a planetary joke. I will rule with an iron fist. And we'll get you a cream for your asteroids. You know what, Wade? I'm going to give you a posthumous point for that. Just because it was really funny.
Yeah, you died. I only get that point after being deceased. Whoever loses an episode, they get killed off and we replace them with a replicant to do the next one. Thanks for your speeches, gentlemen. Thanks for competing. Congrats to Mark. You're going to host the next one. Make sure you follow the podcast so that you get notifications, you get the little plus thingy or whatever, however it works.
Thank you for watching or listening. We love all of you the same. and uh yeah the follow mark and mark plier waited lord minion 777 or minion 777 i am my skirm that's the end of the episode thank you so much for listening we'll see you on the next one podcast out goodbye
I mean, if it was an old school muscle loader and you're shooting, you know, little balls and you're not even shooting, the sight wouldn't mean very much. Generally aiming it towards whatever you're aiming towards is good enough because it kind of just, once it gets out of the barrel, the whole thing just goes.
in every which way and it's crazy what you really want to do you want to put a sign outside that says this is a muzzle loading household that way if you do have someone who breaks in they know they have to muzzle load their knife or their axe or their gun as well to make it fair yeah exactly they take their blade they put a little bit of knife powder put the blade in meanwhile you've got your thing going you aim at each other I think they do make like a gun blade that shoots the blade out
Just knowing the human species, I'm pretty sure that exists. Of all the things that humans would invent, that's way up there.
A knife gun. Also called a crossbow. I'm out of bolts. Hand me the butter knives.
Hello and welcome back for another episode of Your Uncle's Third Favorite Podcast. He's got weird... I don't like that guy. I don't care if we're third on his list. I'm just using it as an identifier. He sucks. We're awesome. This is distractible. I am your host. My name is Bob. I'm the host because I won the last episode, which I earned by existing.
You know what's seen always burns into my brain? I like the Pirates of the Caribbean movies in general, but there's that sequence where they are trying to outrun the Black Pearl on the British Navy ship, and then they can't, and so they've thrown everything heavy overboard, and then they're like, turn and fight! And they're like, we dropped all the cannonballs, and they're like,
put any fucking shit in the cannons. You want anything? And they're like shooting cutlery at the, out of the cannons and stuff. I love that sequence. It was a good sequence.
It'll, it'll go. Oh, that's it. You know what that is? That's a YouTube series. Will it cannon? The answer is yes, it will. It will cannon. I guess unless it's something that disintegrates, but even then hot watermelon goop fired out of a cannon at something. Yeah. Pretty destructive, probably. Big paper ball. I mean, it would flash to steam most of it, but maybe some of it. Be like birdshot.
Probably. Yeah. Sounds like a job for the slow-mo guys. Yeah. Get on it. Hurry up. we're waiting more like you guys are moving in slow-mo dude i don't know if you follow slow-mo guys at all have you seen gavin's hard drive setup to store all of their unbelievably dense footage that they have of shit i did and i think it's pathetic
I don't know what we were talking about. I just hijacked the shit out of that small talk, but... I cleaned off my bullet condoms. Oh, that's right. You made love to your bullets and you did it safely. What's new with Wade? I was hoping you would never ask because nothing that interesting. Same old, same old. When's the last time you left your house?
I told you last episode I went to that basketball game. That was just over the last weekend. This is the last time you left your house? Well, no, I went to the store in Skyline yesterday. Fun, fun. Sunday did not leave the house, but not to date this episode too much. That was Super Bowl Sunday. So I streamed and did not watch the Super Bowl instead because I had no interest in it whatsoever.
But I was still somehow surprised by the outcome. It was a game. Did you watch it? Yeah, I watched it. He's got a sports podcast. He had to watch it. I watched it and Tyler didn't. Yeah, I was the guy telling him what happened. Master of balls and holes, my hole.
No, it was not a good game. It wasn't a like last minute, like, Oh, what's going to happen? It was like, Oh God, I'm petty. And I gotta be honest, the slow drawn out, embarrassing flogging of Patrick Mahomes and Jason Kelsey and the rest of those guys after everyone could not shut up about how glorious the chiefs were and how the refs weren't doing anything to help them.
And they earned all those wins and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm not even saying they're not good, a good team because they still got to the Superbowl. But just the like demonstrative flogging of the Chiefs after a full season of everyone riding them, riding their dicks super hard in terms of like announcers and pundits and everyone in the sports world. I kind of enjoyed it.
I didn't care, but it was kind of fun to just be like, wow, another interception. Patrick. Oh, no. Wow. Oh, another sack. Oh, Patrick. They keep touching you, don't they? Oh, no.
The real winner in the last episode was Shortman Everywhere. Tom and shoes. Tom and shoes.com. Not sponsored or affiliated. Don't know anything about that company. It is a real website. Don't look into it. I've never seen the show before. It's a show where I host because I won and two people, Mark and Wade compete to win today's episode and they host the next one. And I give out points.
That's super weird. I just expect you to tone out when I talk about stuff like this.
I saw a someone who is a big Chiefs fan doing a did a low lights of Jason Kelsey's performance. He had a pretty bad game, but he couldn't block anyone to save his life. And there's like a whole highlight reel of him lined up on the line, the ball snapping and him not moving for like an extra half second.
And then defenders just running past him and murdering the quarterback in the backfield and him kind of being like, oh, stop. oh no damn it he's old it's not even his fault but like man i didn't really care about the outcome but i i got it's kind of fun those reaction times they just kind of slip after a while you hit 30 and you're ready
all right it's been it's been five years but i'm only 35 and i can't imagine having played a serious sport at any point in the last decade with my reaction times to stuff so i'll let you know how it is i'm playing a very serious basketball league maybe right now there's three of us on the team how long till you go on ir oh i'll give myself half a quarter what's ir injured reserve oh
I think we're going to run down the court. I'm going to like play offense or defense. We'll run down the other side of the court. I'll ask the coach to sub me. I'd be like, I'm winded. Sub me out. He won't because we don't have a coach and the other players probably be paying attention. And right now we don't even have enough to have a full squad on the floor, much less have five guys.
We have three at the moment. That's not enough. Yeah, well, whenever I was asked, I was like, well, I guess I could. Who's on the squad? And he smiled. You, me, and him. Yeah, that was basically it. He was like, hey, you want to play? I got this league I'm setting up. I was like, oh, yeah. I mean, I've not played in forever, but if you need somebody, sure. He's like, yeah, that'd be great.
And then after I agreed, he told me that I was the first person to say yes. You don't preface, I've got this league I'm setting up. Oh, how many people are in it? Me. It's gonna, now it's a league. You said yes. League. Our team, whatever the hell. Yeah, man. And then he shows me a picture, right? Of like, he's like, this is one of the other teams.
And he's like, everyone on here is like the tallest dude. Six one. If you're playing center, a bunch of college basketball players or something, if you're playing center, like you're going to, you're going to, you'll be fine. It's not like you're going up against seven footers. Tallest guy's like six one. By the way, all of these guys are X like D one players.
hell yeah so are you right or something like that you played yeah you had a d somewhere i played for the school in junior high mark was d2 he could help that's me he's got that d2 basketball knife you're right not here anymore for some reason yeah i mean like college xd1 college players when i say d1 not not i didn't play in college I've not touched a basketball on like a real court in 12 years.
Because you're not allowed or because you got sad. Yeah, I was banned. They don't let me anywhere near a basketball. I'm a little bit concerned. I think you just need to hit the gym, get on the elliptical a little bit, maybe work on some core strength. You'll be fine. Can you build endurance and lose 30 pounds in three weeks? Yes.
Yes. I feel like it's almost guaranteed to work based on anecdotal evidence.
which I write down in my special, special notebook. And the points don't really mean anything. And also they're kind of just made up on the fly. But also if I don't keep track of them, I get in big, big trouble. How's it going, fellas? Happy, happy recording day. How are you?
Well, we had a grinder when I was in high school, so I'm sure that I could find a rock somewhere. I've told the story of my cocaine grinder science experiment. Yeah, you did. Did he? I don't remember. We were there for that.
you had a cocaine grinder you had a real legit cocaine grinder he was doing a material sifting sorting experiment in science class and he ended up using a cocaine sifter grinder thing instead and it was a whole yeah my mom was like try this this this is a fine screen to separate your minerals it's like okay well if you're gonna if you're gonna snort it it needs to be like fine powder right so you you do want to kind of make sure it's all i don't know evenly grinded ground up i would have assumed it was already a dust
look the most I know about it is in movies and TV shows when people are about to do cocaine they take like a razor blade and they're all that's to like make sure it's all like crushed up right so that it's powdery apparently there's a much fancier device that has a very fine screen that I thought was for sifting minerals and then when my teacher's like how did you separate sand from sand that I asked my mom she was like oh sweet summer child this was not a device made for sand
I was like, well, my teacher wants to know what I used. Sounds like it worked really well. So, yeah, only after I did this. God damn it. Only after I did the thing and turned it in was I like, well, do I tell my teacher it was my family heirloom cocaine grinder?
So we're getting you a present? Yeah, well, don't I deserve it? Yes, you do. You do, absolutely. Of course you do. But I'm just trying to confirm. We're not giving it to anyone else.
All right, Mark, what do you have? The gift that just doesn't stop giving. I'm going to give you something that not only is incredibly reviewed, 4.8 stars with 3,295 people reviewing it. But also, it's going to be so useful to your everyday life. I'm going to get you a 10,000 milliamp hour Timu battery bank. It is so good that it sold 20,000 of them. It's the number four bestseller.
And let me tell you, it's $7.47. So you know it's quality. It'll keep you guessing every day of the week when it's going to blow. Ha! You know how much lithium costs this thing? Definitely, definitely is worth every penny that it is, and probably more. It probably should be a lot more, but guaranteed to not go through a TSA pre-check.
TEMU stands for quality, and this is going to be the most quality power you've ever had in your life. I like that. I appreciate that.
Mark. I've got the gift that once again keeps on giving as I want to do. I want gifts that take you to the next level, to take you above and beyond what you could even possibly dream this gift would get you to. Everyone knows that the world of self-published books filled with AI slop, just cranked out, churned out AI nonsense.
Which means the people, quote unquote, that are writing these books are going to sell the options to make them into movies for pennies on the dollar. I'm going to go out there and I'm going to find you as many books as I can that you will own the rights to perpetuate into any form of medium that you want. at $50 of value.
I don't know how many books that is, but I will get you the best deal so that one of those slop-filled books is yours forever in perpetuity throughout the entirety of the universe to make into whatever you want. Bam.
I've got it done. All right, done. Tell me. I went a little over budget, but you're worth it, okay? Because what I got you was the most expensive pair of underwear in the world. That's what I was looking at, you $1,400 pair of underwear from pure cashmere embroidered with gold thread. And again, $1,400 is a little over budget, but I think it's within the $1,000 category.
Yes, it's 24 karat gold coated. Because you're in Cincinnati, you know what the emblem is? Flying pig. Oh, well, I don't know if I want a flying pig on my butt.
Mark, what would you like to say? I just want to say, I know what shoe he's talking about. I had a similar shoe to this. It is the shoe that I broke my foot in. Just gonna throw that out there because it doesn't have any ankle support. It is just a sock rolled real easy. Likes to slip and slide around inside there. Snapped my fifth metatarsal like a chicken bone.
I'd say that speaks to the strength, not the instability.
I know exactly what you need without even looking anything up because I've looked this up before and I've debated it heavily for my own purposes. Oh. I like this. I like that. I like this is going. They make a 105 inch OLED TV that is at the ludicrous price of $19,000 the last time that I saw it. but it is right there.
And when it comes to home decor, OLED is the top display technology, the deepest blacks, the best color accuracy. It is so huge, it's gonna make your eyes go in different directions. 105 inches? 105 inches. It is gigantic. It is beautiful. It comes with a five-year warranty.
You're going to need to get a custom wall mount for this, but with the thousand dollars that it's under budget, I think you can get it plus installation.
But there was a deal on a like a 90 something inch for like 4000. And I was like, well, let's see what this is. But I wish I wish I had gone for the bigger one.
don't know but zoltar is cheaper he comes with it looks like a flute some cards a feather your fortune what else do you need and i assume i get the keys to the cabinet so i can turn it on free mode or whatever right so you can just oh yeah i mean it's your cabinet this would be your zoltar i'm gonna i'm gonna raise an objection here because apparently he's overcharging you
I found a website that says you can get Zoltar fortune teller deluxe version with a wireless microphone added in, breathing added in, a free play, no dollar bill acceptor, and wheels for $10,800.
All right. So this is something that I think you would actually truly appreciate because it just is such a modern marvel of printing, 3D printing. And there's some people that would probably disagree with this particular pick more for like the, they, they probably feel like it's more expensive than it needs to be, but it's from form labs, right?
So form labs is probably more the Apple-esque of, you know, 3d printing. They have a very robust ecosystem, but it's kind of locked in. They want you to buy their materials. They want you to buy a service contract. If the budget is $50,000 though, and you want the best printing capability to make whatever whenever you want it.
I am getting you the entire package for the Fuse One Plus SLS laser centering printer. It can't do metal. Metal is still like way, way above, but it does a very strong nylon composite. It has millimeter accuracy in terms of its tolerances. It is extremely, extremely precise and can make some incredibly strong pieces
of material that will have minimal shrinkage it's all containerized so the powder you don't have to worry about doing it all it comes in that price is included the sifting machine to filter it out the curing machine you take it from one to the other it couldn't be easier even for beginners of printing to more advanced users it comes with a service contract so it will be serviced for five years plus and it's one of the ways that this kind of powder is dangerous if you don't have a robust system it's an entirely closed system you never expose yourself to powder even
You shouldn't use precautions, obviously, but if you were to get a printing setup, this would be the one for 50k.
pardon me i don't know what that was i'm sorry grandpa you're right that's the only the argument stopper i didn't even hear you say for now at first i thought you were just making just making my point
Yeah, I would say the resin, but resin, you know, unless you have good ventilation that can get, that could get to you.
But the Formlabs does have a self-contained resin system for the new ones. So it's like the, it has like an ink jet like thing.
It is. But if money was no option and it could show up, I'd be like, well, fuck you. All right, I'll take it.
I have the thing for you. You know my themes, man. The gift that keeps on giving. All right. There's a store by the name of Play It Again Sports. Now, I haven't... Now, I can't get one for sale ready to go. But the franchise fee for starting a Play It Again Sports is $90,000 to $105,000. What better way to get your foot in the door of sporting goods and have whatever you want at any time?
Then Play It Again Sports, which is where I sold my discuses when I was done throwing.
I'm not. I'm actually starting to Benjamin Button backwards. It's a very concerning affliction. It's a little early for that turnaround. I want to push it a little later. Yeah, I thought, well, it wasn't a choice. It just kind of happened. So I thought that I would have a few more years before I would start Benjamin Buttoning, but it's starting early and so that means I will be...
We need the storage. I look at the website and the pictures of products you can see in the background. It's just hellscape clutter behind these pictures. And they tried to isolate them, like put them somewhere clean to take a picture.
You could buy land on a mountain. So you must be able to buy the whole mountain eventually. Anyway, adventure. I'm looking for adventure, you know? I know that the best adventure you've ever been on in your life, besides the adventure of fatherhood, was the tour. So how can you relive that experience? With a tour bus of your very own. Tour buses, new, cost $750,000. That's a little much.
I wish. God, if only. Oh, if only. In other news, I'll say it. I'll say it. I'm going to be taking a course, a handgun safety course. I want to work up to that exact same course that you see Keanu Reeves going for when he's training for the John Wick movies. I want to get skilled enough to be able to do the thing where he's got a pistol and a shotgun around his back and he's playing, bam, bam, bam.
So that's not what I was going for. So I was looking for a used tour bus.
so that you can relive the adventure of your life for the rest of your life.
You could definitely accomplish that. The other half of what I was going to suggest is we just rented a van, a conversion van to take up into this cabin. And it was nice. It was a bit older, but the price of that is way under what it would be. It's not cheap by any means, but it's 125 as opposed to 250. So I was like, one's way too under, but they're very cool.
You could probably get a really decked out like Mercedes-Benz conversion van.
thing yeah that would probably be pushing the price up and it'd be maybe be a bit more practical but you could definitely get something like that but i was going for tour bus so i landed on that so that's my pick no i like that i like that that's good that's accomplishable thank you i believe it firmly in my plums you want adventure
If I go up to them and I say, like, I want the John Wick course, do you think that they would look at me and take me seriously?
mark mark's really been thinking about what he's gonna get me for christmas this year i like where your head's at let me tell you what's the definition of luxury uh excess excess is what defines a luxury good and you know what you're gonna have excess of everything we just said because you're gonna get two of all of it
i will say the the stair fight in john wick for i like john wick for but i did feel like some of those is that the fourth one yeah it wasn't oh wow okay oh yeah he fell down the stairs for a very long time i know that i just didn't know there were i thought that was the third one i didn't know there were four there are four anyway yeah the stairs is nuts the stair scene is nuts the stair sequence went on just as long as it needed to just for that joke of him just god so funny but it was like an hour three of that movie or if it wasn't three hours long he was
I actually forgot something about mine is you wouldn't just get two. It's a fucking it's a fucking like sales commercial.
Everything else prior to this cost $441,000 some odd dollars. You would get two more and still have $100,000 left over for another hot tub.
It's not about the items. It's not about the items. You see a guy with three tour buses. Come on. Come on. Come on. That's luxury.
He conceded the point about the tour bus thing was luxury.
Credit card money? I don't know. Look, I understand that the burden of three tour buses isn't for everybody. But, you know, some people are more accustomed to the luxury life. Three crypto scam rug pulls.
I persevered, and through my own obsession with constantly looking at very expensive things... I was able to carry this one through to the finish line with my outlandish suggestions and honestly cementing myself as a disdained, distasteful elite one percenter who only lives in a bed of luxury and will never be able to relate to the common man. But I'm a winner today, so I'll take that.
I'm from Ohio. My dad, he actually built muzzleloaders. So I, unlike these assholes who aren't from Ohio, who are immigrants to Ohio. Dude, I'll eat. I'll eat the pets.
i was ohio wait that's supposed to be immigrants too damn it never mind i wouldn't eat pets i'm ohioan i will forever associate that with ohio i think you're right i think that's where they said they were for better or for worse so i had some familiarity i think my dad uh let me shoot a desert eagle when i was like 11 or something like that way too early it flew out of my hands
It was gone. I don't know why you let me do that, but I want to take a course again because it's been a very long time since I have been around any kind of gun. And if I ever do any kind of action movie in the future, even with prop guns, I want to know like. proper safety protocol, stuff like that. And it's just good familiarity.
If you're in America, you probably should know, even if you don't want to own one, you should probably know how they work, how to be safe around them and how to operate them and disarm them, put them on safety on, empty it, make sure it's empty, you know, so that there's, you know, if you just pull the magazine out, it doesn't mean to understand how chambering rounds works and doesn't work.
man wait with the zingers today i'm i'm i thought i'd be killing it with the points but i'm trying i've been losing more than making man anyway so i want to i want to take uh the courses and there's like a it's a fun thing to do also i think i think i don't think that you know many people would disagree that going around to a shooting range and just like back target prices that's that's not bad even if it's like a an airsoft one if you wanted to do that or an air gun or something like that no i didn't
It's very fun. Maybe you're just really good at it. Maybe you're just really good and handsome at it. oh i know what you're doing and i like it anyway so that's that's what i'm going to be doing soon and there's someone else that's going to be joining me but i won't tell them in case they don't want anyone to know for some reason Thanks. I appreciate that. I appreciate that.
This is, it's like a tattoo. This is where it all begins. I become a gun nut real soon after this. So everyone get ready for that transition.
Wait, hang on. Yeah. Is there anyone in this obscure country that can run guns for me?
God, if Nerf actually comes out and makes a real gun, but it still looks like one of their Nerf guns. Oh, man.
What I want to do, actually, and not to continue this small talk, but what I want to do someday is I want, I know some people are probably trying to do this, but I want to find out how to make a better prop gun. Not a blank firing gun, but one that looks realistic, but it's slightly more than like an airsoft pistol, which is effective.
Like you'll get the blowback, but I want to see if there's a way to have it do the blowback, but also like emit light. Like the light is key in terms of like visual effects because you almost always have to add that in. But if the gun had like a very powerful light in the front that actually flashed really bright, that would be super cool. I bet I could figure out how to make that.
But then the FBI would come knocking on my door because I'd be making in my backyard things that look very convincingly like a weapon.
Yeah, my plan to sabotage Wade has started early. Wade just starts keeling over.
They would think that was really funny, I bet. I bet. I bet. Anyway, I think I can figure something out there. I would love to try, just because it does seem like a very, very useful thing. Because we've heard about cases on movie sets where people get... hurt and killed by using the kind of weapons that use blanks, which are just real guns. They just happen to have a different bullet in them.
Can't wait for this. This can only end well. I think I can make a better gun.
Anyway, that's my update. I'll be taking it. I don't know when, but soonish because California rules are very strict. Let me know which Keanu course you get. It's a roll of the dice. I really don't know. God, the stairs again. Go back next week.
It's just yeah, it's just skill building. You go there to practice and they have like a what's called like a tactical course where it's they have it's not just you stand and you shoot at a target. It's you are moving through a space to like it's it's kind of like not quite but SWAT tactics where you know how to cover properly.
And so this brings realism into projects where you if you're if you're fumbling around and you're just playing action, actual people that know how to do that stuff and military guys would know that it's completely fake and it would probably not come across realistically.
Oh, I thought it was just, you know, you're just really, really cool, like way back.
And I'm Bob. Hi Bob, how are you? Wet? Oh, I'm excited to be here. Dry.
That's a huge disadvantage. I love this for me. It's time. I take a deep breath.
He's in the walls. Alright, Bob. I am, what are they called? Prison guard. I'm the prison guard responsible for Wade's level.
For some reason, because I like it as the warden, I just like to sit in my office and stare at all the camera feeds. I just have a big wall of camera feeds up in front of me. And I'm just looking. And none of them looks into Wade's cell specifically, so I don't think I see what he does. But I'm just watching.
Ich habe eine spezielle kleine Frage. Ich weiß, dass wir das noch nie gemacht haben, aber du hast erwähnt, dass du Basketball spielen wirst. Ist das passiert und wie geht es? Weiter.
And I'm watching, and on Wade's level, on his wing, I think the security guard is like walking slowly, doing like the rounds, right? So at some point here, I'm going to see the security guard walk past Wade's cell and see that it's empty and start to kind of be like, Hey, warte mal, warte mal, warte mal, warte mal, warte mal, warte mal, warte mal.
Not even the guard, just me. I'm just like, he's in the wall.
Alright, Bob. Ich schätze, weil ich so ein Genie bin als Warden, dass der Gefangene irgendeine Art von Ausdruck bekommen oder hat irgendeine Art von Ausdruck. Also meine sofortige Reaktion ist zu Don, mein Ausdruck. Also stehe ich auf meinem Warden-Desk und schreie, Mann! Und mein Voice-Activated-Mime-Kostüm springt aus meinem Körper aus, als wäre ich Iron Man.
Ich benutze dann den perfekten Stille, den ein Mime verwendet, um zu bewegen und alles zu machen, um zu starten, um zu skulken. Und ich gehe zuerst, wo Wade's Zell ist, weil ich weiß, wo es ist.
Listen Dan, you can roll whatever dice you want.
Ich bin der Mimeist. Ansonsten, ich mime meinen Weg nach Wade's Zimmer und ich investigiere. Ich benutze meine Mime-Warden-Fähigkeiten, um zu versuchen, genau wie er in die Wälder ging, oder ob das der Fall ist, oder was auch immer.
Possibly. If I can find the way, I might follow him. Let me roll for you. Plus one. Roll.
Somehow I tripped and failed to get into the hole in the wall. And I stand there and look at it for a second and think to myself, I could try again. And then I turn and storm out of the cell, silent as a mime. Assuming that he's going to go down. So I start searching down from where I am, circling, assuming that the hole just, he went down and got out a hole somewhere beneath his cell.
Because obviously he's going to want to get to the ground floor. And so I just start silently miming around like... Ich schaue durch die Boxen und ziehe auf die Rippen und was auch immer Mimes tun. Da ist ein Elevator, um zu sehen, ob ich irgendwelche Zeichen von ihm sehen kann, die von dem anderen Ende des Wallholes kommen, um zu sehen, ob ich noch mehr Beispiele habe.
I was just trying to see if I could see him. He's going down the stairs looking for me. What, do I fall down the stairs to my death?
Well, that stinks. Was that a limited enough action for you, Wade?
I don't even know if you need to roll for that. I feel like that's allowed to happen.
Ja, nein, das hat nicht funktioniert.
I don't make noise, I intake noise. I know about noise. Okay, so I know that Wade is loose. I understand it now. I know that there's only one way in and out of the prison. There's a little, there's like a multiple gate setup type thing where you go through one and then it closes and you go through the next one. Very, like, prison-y. I go, I go for that. Because I know that's the way.
And I take my motion-activated pepper spray. Oh shit. Und ich setze es auf den Boden. Ich gehe in die Mitte der Klammer zwischen den beiden Türen, die er durchgehen muss, um rauszukommen. Und ich setze es auf den Boden. Und ich vergesse, wie schnell es aktiviert. Also drücke ich den Knopf, um es sofort anzunehmen. Und dann stehe ich da drüben, schaue es an, wie...
But I know, even if I'm trapped here, he will also be trapped here, if he comes to try and get out the exit.
I don't know. I guess my action is I decide I'm gonna run for it and I make a break for the gate to get back onto the inside of the prison and see if I can leave that there.
The exit door that I'm miming right in front of? That exit door? Yep.
His badge doesn't give him an advantage with the pepper spray, right? So he loses that.
Oh, we're not done. This isn't it. There's more steps to get out of a prison than get through the main gate of the prison block you're trapped in.
Ja, nein, ich werde das mitnehmen müssen. Okay, ich stehe im Hintergrund der Tür. Ich stelle meine Grüße an den alten What's-His-Face. Und ich erkenne seinen Badge und ich bin so, hm. Er schäbt und er geht raus. Und dann, gerade als er über die Pfefferspray kommt, gerade als die zweite Tür schließt, und er begann zu gehen, von oben, aus Wade's Zimmer, höre ich einfach jemanden schreien.
Er schreit nicht. Jemand anderes ist weg und hat umgekehrt, weil ich da war. Und sie sagten, warum ging der Warden da rein? Und dann war dein Körper unbewusst und sie sahen. Und es ist, sie haben, also bin ich plötzlich bewusst. Bin ich ermöglicht, das zu tun?
Du schaust dich um und sagst... Ich höre das und ich erkenne, dass der Guard, der gerade verlassen ist, muss der erste Gefangene sein. Ich fliege durch das erste Gerät in die Mitte der Klammer. Und ich habe eine Überraschung. Und ich gehe in die Sicherheitsabteilung. Und ich drücke den Hauptverbrecher, der alle Lichter auslöst. And it's dark, plunge into darkness.
And then I do that mime thing where I'm all... And I have an idea. And I take out my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses and I go... And get them going and put them on my face. And I've got my glow-in-the-dark sunglasses now. That probably helped me see in the dark. And then I dash mime-ly out of the security office through the other gate and I just start chasing after Wade like a madman.
Eine Seite der Sache, die ich gehofft habe, ist, dass sie einige von dem Pfefferspray ein bisschen wegwerfen.
Does he get to know how to get out or does he still have to sort of figure out exactly how to get all the way out of the prison?
Ja, wenn du auf einem Boot von der Insel weg bist oder so.
Ja, nachdem ich eigentlich bei Alcatraz war, kann ich dir sagen, dass es eine große Helle ist, die du runtergehen musst. Es ist wie eine große Helle, die aufwächst, weil das Gefängnis am Top ist und der Dock auf dem Wasser ist. Also musst du deinen Weg auf die Helle finden und dann gibt es nur einen echten Dock.
Ich habe einen. Es ist im Ofen. Okay. Jetzt bin ich in der Backphase. Wie viele der zwölf Karten sind eingefüllt? Wo bist du?
Yeah, despite the fact that it worked, I do think shouting as you walk out the door of the prison was a pretty bold move.
And I'm thinking to myself, this has to float! And I carry it down the hill with me. It's got that hole in the middle, which means that it floats. It's pretty boat-like.
Ich glaube, ich lebe von all dem Pfefferspray. Ich mache es draußen. Ich bin ziemlich nah hinter ihm. Kann ich einen Perzeptionscheck machen, um zu sehen, ob ich ihn in der Distanz sehe, oder bin ich völlig kluglos?
As the warden, I know that there are overgrown, but that they are there, secret paths that lead directly from the prison exit down to the dock. And I see him over taking the main road and I think to myself, I'm just gonna, I think it's right here. I'm just gonna throw myself down this hill. I think I'm pretty sure that there's some stone steps that lead right down to the dock and I'll cut him off.
I'm 90% certain that they're in there somewhere. And so I just sort of generally aim at where I think the step should be and I hope that by some miracle I basically fling myself down the side of a cliff and land on my feet at the docks in front of him to cut him off.
Yes. You know, we live in America, not in Germany. Just to be clear about that.
I can't even feel it. So much pain from the pepper spray. My tongue is just a floppy appendage of agony right now.
Es ist so, du fällst... Ja, aber wenn du... Wenn du wirklich nah drüben schaust, kannst du total sehen, dass es vielleicht vielleicht ein paar Schritte gibt, die gewohnt waren. Sie sind... Sie sind Steine, also blenden sie... Es ist in Ordnung.
Can I just say, that's not actually the main way to get down to the dock, generally speaking. I'm realizing now, so that lighthouse is sort of at the front of the prison, but to the right of this, because you see the dock is down to the right, the road actually leads to the right and then down away from the camera perspective on this.
Also das ist mehr so eine rote Seite, die rechte Seite des Rocks, da ist das, wo die Straße nach unten geht. Also stell dir vor, dass ich auf der rechten Seite in dieser Bildung bin und da unten, es ist immer noch eigentlich ein Kliff für die Teilen davon, aber es gibt einige Schritte in dort. Oder eine Ladder. Oder Wälder.
He's walking away with no one even aware other than me that he's out of prison. So this is my Hail Mary last ditch here.
Wait, I do one more thing. Before I throw myself off the cliff, I'm allowed to do this. It's an item. I pause and I go, you know what? I don't need to be stealthy anymore. And I go, MIME! And my voice activated Mime costume sucks back into my nanobot chest thing that it hides in. And then with a full battle cry and screaming and expressing the pain of the pepper spray, then I eat myself. I go,
Auf der Seite der Berge. Das hilft, oder?
I'm standing somehow on the dock in some condition. He's not standing. You are not standing.
We're like on the dock, I hope, because I can't move anymore. This is the final showdown area.
Er hat einen 50-50 Chancen, von dem zu sterben, oder? Ja, weil ich meinen Atem nicht halten kann. Absolut nicht.
Er hat das in der Zelle verlassen. Er hat das sofort verlassen. Weißt du, was ich tun werde?
Ich liege da in einem Haufen, komplett immobilisiert, als er sich verletzt hat.
Nein, das ist nicht das Ende. Ich bin noch da. Ich brauche noch eine Aktion. Ich brauche noch eine Aktion. Warte, ich muss die perfekte Linie denken. Ja, okay, ich habe es. Von meinem Haufen von mir selbst auf dem Boden. Ich habe das alles gesehen und ich schaue, ich trage immer noch meine schwarzen Gläser, richtig? War das auf meinem Gesicht?
I look over at him and miraculously one of my arms is still pretty functional. So I look over and I see what happens and then I look right in the camera and I say, I guess his cinder block didn't fack up. Wow! Ja, you did it. You did it. Good job, Bob. Warden kriegt immer das letzte Wort.
Du hast gesagt, du solltest auf Verabschiedung sein. Und ich war so, okay, nein, das ist in Ordnung. Es ist nur ein Stream. Du bist auf Verabschiedung. Du solltest auf Verabschiedung sein, Wade.
Ich glaube, ich habe ein ziemlich gutes Ergebnis, nach all den Vorteilen, die Wade hatte.
Nun, es ist nicht vorbei. Würdest du, dass ich die letzten Räder mache? Ja, bitte.
Das ist keine Verabschiedung. Das ist einfach nicht das, was du tun solltest, um das andere zu tun, was du tun solltest. Am wenigsten einen Tag ab diesem kommenden Wochenende werde ich nichts tun.
Okay, okay, okay. Wir werden den Kurt Jäger spinnen. Drei Spinnen.
Okay, wer? Wait, have you left your house? Ja, zum Museumszentrum. Es ist auf dem Ausflug von Ezzard Charles. Es ist wie Ausflug 1G oder was auch immer. Also es ist weit Westen von Downtown, aber es ist da unten.
Ja, du musst gehen. Das war Nummer zwei. Schirt nah am Wellen, wir tragen beide grüne Schuhe. Und Wades Hintergrund ist grün. Ich habe grün hier drüben und da drüben. Meine Wandfarbe ist grün, aber meine Lichtfarbe ist grün.
Kannst du etwas machen? for me? Can you take the screenshot now? What did you do?
I don't think I changed anything. I think it's fine. Ich kann es sehen. Okay, ich mache das. Meine Lichter gehen auf und auf. Du musst es einfach auf den richtigen Zyklus fangen.
Ja, kannst du es von hier nehmen? Ja, die Seite der Wand. Oder hier oben, irgendwo, wo die blaue weniger ist, ist mehr diffusiert.
Just subtract the first one from the second one and whoever's value is bigger, they lose.
I'm sure that people will check your work.
Hey, der Film ist gerade rausgekommen, also ist er wieder populär. Das ist wahrscheinlich das, was es gemacht hat, richtig?
Das ist wahr. Das ist sehr wahr. Dritter und letzter Spin. Oh, bitte seid nicht die Zuschauer. Zuschauer, Zuschauer.
Give me the transcript. Did any of us... I don't remember saying fuck very much. I definitely said it a couple times. I didn't say an extraordinary amount. I don't think either one of us cursed an extraordinary amount. We were very just in the...
Ja, ich würde sagen, Respin ist auf dem Tisch hier. Das ist ein nicht super klarer und geht Wort für Wort durch das ganze Ding.
Respins. All right. Spin Nummer drei wieder.
The Tidewheel! The Tidewheel! Part 4, Listeners! Bob, we tied! Good job! Yeah, good job, buddy! Alright! Yay! Woohoo! One man show!
Was soll das Ein-Mann-Show-Ding sein? 12 oder 14, glaube ich. Ist das richtig?
57 und ein halbes. Should we round up or down? Please round down. 57 it is.
Ich weiß nicht, ich habe es nicht gesehen, aber... Alles, was ich gehört habe, ist die Nostalgie-Tripping. Ich erwartete, dass viele Leute auf ihn klingeln und sagen, ja, es war so schlecht, wie wir es gedacht haben. Alle Dinge, die ich online gesehen habe, sind, dass die Leute einfach so sind, wie... Und sie haben all diese Youtubers, die ich in der Vergangenheit gesehen habe, aufgeführt. Awww.
That feels large. Seems right to me. Here's the winner's wheel spin with a 16% chance of Mark being the second one-man show ever.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. What happens if you win that? The other two guys each have to do a one-man show? I don't know. I guess you get to re-host. I don't know. Whatever. We don't know, because it didn't happen. Maybe someday.
Ich habe heute als Warden viel gespielt und ich fühle mich, dass ich mit dem, was ich hatte, ziemlich gut gearbeitet habe. Und ich habe letztendlich gewonnen, obwohl ich letztendlich verloren habe. Aber sub-lautendlich habe ich gewonnen.
Also, ich werde das in meinem Herzen behalten und wissen, dass die Wahrheit ist, dass ich Wade gewonnen habe, weil er zu dumm war, zu wissen, was ein Zinderblock ist. Anyway, congratulations to me, the loser.
I like to think that somewhere on the editing room floor there's just cuts. Like for some reason it was shot on film and they physically cut the film out.
Wir waren Minecraft-Youtubers für mehrere Jahre.
Es ist nicht die lustigste Sache, die wir je gemacht haben, aber die eine Sache, die mir nicht mehr aufgefallen ist, war die unendliche Explosion von Solarpaneln, die ich glaube, Wade war nicht da. Es war nur du und ich in Technik-Pack, weil Wade auf dem Weg war oder Wade musste weggehen oder so. Gott, ich liebe die unendliche Explosion.
Get wrecked, Bitches! Ja. Ich erinnere mich daran. Etwas so.
Actually, I've been reading a lot recently. Like, very recently. I've basically started powering through this new book series. Highly recommend it. If you like sci-fi, Old Man's War. It's actually got a lot of books in the series. I'm near the end of the second book right now, but Old Man's War by John... John Cena! Oh. Jeff Scarzy?
John Cena! I always do that instead of his actual... Nevermind.
No, I was just talking about books. It's not interesting, don't worry. But it's a really good sci-fi series thus far. There's mind transference and conscious mixing. There's a character in the one I'm reading right now who technically has two consciousnesses in his body. And his body is like a synthetic, but also based on human DNA. It's very sci-fi. It's very sci-fi.
Warte, ich werde ein paar Sachen runterkriegen.
Well, how will the other person communicate with their partner in crime or not crime? Maybe, I don't know.
Hey, da gibt es immer noch Wege, um das zu machen.
Ich weiß noch nicht, welcher Seite ich aus meinen Items ausmachen will. Oh, ich habe dieses Gebäude besiegt.
Nein, ich mag das. Ich mag es nur, wenn du nicht der Sicherheitsbehörde bist. Ich fühle mich, dass das viel Nützlichkeit verliert. Nein, nein.
I don't know what that means, but I don't like it. I went to take a drink and somehow... No, that's not the part I don't know what that means. I know about the water.
Kleine Preise, große Freude. Guten Abend, verehrter Hörer und willkommen bei Destructible. Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020 It's time for Knives, Fire and Pickup Trucks. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, so continue. Keep working.
Good evening, gentle listener, or watcher, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, business-like Bob potty-trains James, shows Scott's brutality, and trials his troops to predict the providence of products. Winnowing Wade cares for the elderly, makes an admittance, and says no to textures. Mannequin Mark rejects poop fiction, defends curiosity, then plugs wounds and kills warts.
From car-car cartoons to immobile pontiffs. Yes! It's time for a disgusting episode. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Guten Abend, verehrter Hörer und willkommen zu Distractable. It's time for the election episode. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
He chose to suffer. He chose to suffer. I got water on my poop.
Anyway. On to the topic. Hear me out. It's going to sound like it's just more small talk. Because it kind of is. But listen, we haven't been doing this that long. You know, hanging out, talking, knowing each other. I thought it might be a great time... for us to discuss some classic icebreaker questions and really start to get to know each other. You know, we all work together.
We see each other at the office. We wave in the parking lot. But do we really get to know each other on a personal level yet? I don't know. And I just want to, you know, foster a little community. And I thought we could just go over some icebreakers and, you know, maybe tell some stories, have some fun, make a little connection.
Okay, I had a list of questions, and then I opened another note, and the first thing on that note said, clue, but with a lot of extra rules. I don't think that's one of my icebreakers I put on my list, but I guess we're playing clue now. That could be a good icebreaker. Miss Dorothy in the office with a knife. Mark gave us chest 2.0.
I'm coming out here with clue type B sometime soon, but that's a different episode. Anyway, icebreakers. Here we go. What thing from nature, excluding all animals and creatures, best describes your vibe? From all creatures? No creatures whatsoever. Just something from nature. Plants. Okay. Rock formations. Anything that's not a living creature.
What thing in nature, including like the whole cosmos, asteroids and whatever. What thing describes your vibe? Okay. I know this one. I know this one.
I don't know why I felt guilty for laughing at that. That was a decent joke. It deserved a laugh.
Who's Lucky? Lucky Charms. Is that his name? They're not called Lucky's Charms. They are Lucky Charms.
But he says they're always after me, Lucky Charms. They're after me, Lucky Charms. There's a comma in there. There's several commas. They're always after me, Lucky Charms.
God damn. I mean, look, fair enough. I don't know about these things. I'm going to have to defer to Mark. That's the nature of breaking the ice. All right. Totally different direction.
I like to think of myself as the waves on the shoreline, the Michigan shoreline of Lake Michigan. Pretty chill, but capable of going red flag and getting pretty wild, but generally pretty chill. Salty, right? No, Lake Michigan.
Yeah, I said how it works, something, winner, host, whatever. How's it going, gentlemen? Let's just jump right into small talk. How's everybody doing? Wade's covered in poop or something.
No! They would not be lakes if they were saltwater.
There's a long connection and those are called brackish waters when fresh mixes with salt. I'm that. That's my vibe. All right, I think we've talked about this one before, but I don't remember what the answer was, so if we've done it before, just say it fast. What is the most used emoji on your phone right now?
Is that yours, Wade? Yep. I don't even know how to describe that. What face is that? Gritted teeth face? Gritted teeth. But he's not smiling.
The shrug is appropriate for you.
Wait, what is this? My third most used emoji is an Apple Genmoji of a lion playing football. I guess I text about lions football a lot to people. Also, my number one, I just want to say is the fork and knife sitting next to each other. And it's because that's what I call Fortnite in text message forms. So I text, there's several groups that I'm in where I'm like, hey, you guys want a fork knife?
okay fort fortnight and uh water polo living in your guys heads i don't know what the deal is with the football line i swear i use other emojis other i made that once uh i think we have talked about that but i just can't i just wanted to know you know so water polo fork and knife and gritted teeth it makes sense when you don't think about it yeah yeah all right this one won't be contentious i know we're only just getting to know each other but this is kind of a question for all three of us
but mostly for you two. If you could be one of the other two people on this call, who would you choose to be?
Is that what we've just decided?
Don't listen. Don't make it be like that. I know I said it like that, but don't take it like that.
I was honestly thinking about picking Mark partially because it's hard to imagine what the world looks like from such a short height. It's only a six inch difference, man.
well mark just has so many like hobbies and stuff and i feel like i'm i'm in a similar vein but i'm just less committed than mark to my hobbies so i'll like i'll sit here and i'll learn like right now i'm learning a lot about woodworking for hobby reasons but i don't do it if i was mark i would have a whole i would have tools i would have made a chair at this point
I mean, I'd like to hear about your personal life, but the headline, you sold it so well.
i guess i i admire mark's dedication to just like doing actually doing shit instead of just sitting around but i think yeah it's just a body swap right it's a mind stage i know but if i was in your body then i'd basically i'd behave more like you i'm just i'm just throwing that out there i'm just assuming there is a mind body connection i know that and i guess if you're considering like the brain the way it's configured but i was assuming we're just gonna ignore that philosophically there's the whole mind body problem
I mean, we can or cannot address the philosophical side of this question as much as we choose to. Plus, you already have a bunch of cool stuff. I'm not going to have the workshop, and you've been working on the workshop. That sounds... Really fun to me.
But we keep our cars in our garage because we live in a place where it fucking snows and shit. Forget that. Forget that. Oh, but the snow. The snow, Mark. Forget it. The snow. Forget it. Basement workshop, too.
I mean, it's the storage room, but there's a side room down here that's sort of like the utility storage room. That could be kind of workshoppy.
No, the used tool market, I am excited about Monster Hunter. And probably after this, that's what I'm going to go do. But the used tool market is interesting. There's so much good shit out there.
It's true. If you want or need tools, or if you're trying to get into a hobby that requires tools... Definitely check out like I just sit and I just look on Facebook Marketplace a lot, but there's a lot like there's also like forum like reddits and stuff on like there's so many like there's so many good tools that are already out there. You might as well just get a use one.
Did you see Michael Reeves Facebook Marketplace video? Yes. Yeah, with the low-balling bots.
I'm annoyed that I have to go through Facebook to look at Facebook Marketplace, but Craigslist isn't really a thing anymore. And there are other apps and things that are sort of in that vein, but around here, Facebook Marketplace is definitely the best.
Yeah, that's it. I also was just surprised how effective it was. I think he might have just got a lot of luck. I have no idea, but it was... The whole premise worked out so much better than I would have expected.
You don't have to like everything we like. We're all just bonding over things.
Bond. All right. I don't know why I like this one, but I feel compelled to ask this because I can't let it go. If you could safely eat any inedible object, like from now to eternity, you could always eat this object. What would it be?
Yeah, you have to. This is a thing that you have to pick. Tacos.
I'm pretty sure you just can eat chapstick if you want to. I think that's probably fine.
I feel like that's a little bit general, but I actually had the exact same thought.
Yeah, no, it never works out very well for you. I don't know if, I mean, it doesn't really matter. I don't know if I would say that counts or not, but I like it. What I landed on was I had that same thought and I was like, well, maybe garbage is too vague. I would eat plastic.
because a lot of plastic is not even recyclable and even plastic that is technically recyclable is not broadly recycled in some places and it's not efficient to recycle it you might like manufacturers might as well just chuck it and make a new one out of new material because it's
so much cheaper and simpler they don't have to like clean it or do any bullshit to it if I could just eat plastic I'm curious what my poops would be like and if I would like digest it or if it would just go through me but if I could eat it and like make it go away you know physically speaking I feel like that would be awesome. I'm assuming eat means you digest it.
If I could eat plastic and digest it into poop, that would be awesome. I would do that. That would be very cool. But if I could just eat garbage in general, I feel like that would encompass my idea. And that was my pick. The setup doesn't say anything about it tasting any differently. So it potentially still would suck.
would just taste like garbage you just you could safely eat it but that doesn't mean that like you would enjoy it or whatever but a little bit of salt and butter it'd be fine i mean you could make the garbage into like you know garbage loaf season it up a little shit zanya shit flambe shit kebab shit kebab wait no why does it have to be shit you mean garbage kebab shit stuff this is just for the just for the fun of saying shit kebab
It sounds like the 17-year-old is fine, hopefully, from the surgery, and I'm sure they were okay beforehand, but that's going to be tough to live with, I got to imagine. I have no idea how big or small these things were, but that must just be kind of funky to live with.
It's really boring that Wade and I thought the same thing. I'm going to take some points away for that.
What is the worst piece of advice you've ever been given? And when did you realize it was bad advice?
You just think that's bad advice because you're incapable of following it? No. I feel like that sounds like decent advice.
I also don't follow that advice, so I'm totally with you.
Honestly, of all the different types of like fast-paced day trading stuff, Forex does strike me as one of the things where if you just develop a really simple system of rules and you don't do anything crazy, you kind of could probably make a little bit of money at it, but it's just probably not worth that much.
But now we got crypto. Dude, imagine if crypto had existed the way it does now when you got into that. Because that was in college? Or is it directly following college? That's like in college, right?
That like Bitcoin existed, but it was still sort of more for the Silk Road than anything else. But I'll be perfectly honest.
so long ago it would have hit like one dollar and i would have been like oh i made so much money no imagine we when we were in college and bitcoin released you could buy bitcoins for like cents a coin you could mine it on your computer and get tons of it yeah it was worthless fucking imagine there probably are stories of people who did hold for that or like lost their wallet and found it back whatever but
It's worth so much because there are specific exchanges. on which you can buy and sell crypto and it primarily has value because of and on those exchanges it's not any different from other money except that it's not backed by any specific government or whatever for its value it has value because everyone collectively agrees it has value and you can but can you ever get
anything you can use it in some places to buy things sometimes some really cool web 3 companies are like yeah we take usd apple pay and bitcoin and so you can pay for your whatever service in bitcoin but it's it's not not really no not seriously it's almost always traded back for money
Was it a specific person that got you into foreign exchange stuff? Or was it just like a thing you sort of came across?
I was so close. If I had any money when you were doing that, I was like, I watched, I had, I had like screens pulled up with like the, all the charts and shit. And I would sit there and I learned a bit about the patterns, but I didn't actually have money. So it was very theoretical for me, but I had had money though, man. Yeah.
You're thinking like me again. That's what I was going to say. College.
I feel like the thing about that that I have a gripe with, because I'm in no way am I anti-education, the thing about that that I have a gripe with is specifically kind of like what you're saying, the four-year college degree.
We spent our entire, any time since I can remember from being in school and being a kid, all of the guidance counselors and everyone, teachers and everyone, were like, yeah, you'd get it. You want to go to college. That's the goal. You get the four-year degree. A lot of people, I think, benefit from a four-year degree. It gives you career opportunities that you otherwise might not be able to get.
But a lot of people didn't benefit from it and are not benefiting from it. And should have avoided that completely because there are associate's degrees. There are other pathways. There are apprenticeship programs. They're not as plentiful as they could or should be maybe.
And it's not like it was 50 or 80 or 100 years ago where you could just go straight out of high school or not even go to high school and go find somewhere and make a career necessarily. But some people just don't fucking need to go to college. And it's not because they're not smart enough. And it's not because they're less or whatever. It's nothing like that.
They're just not... They don't thrive in school. They thrive in a place where they're doing something, where they're building something, where they're... It's just not... School isn't something that everyone is equally suited for. And it fucking sucks. Because I've had friends who were really bright people, who were really smart, who got sucked into college and were just...
hated it and thought that they were so stupid because they couldn't like thrive in college the way that they saw other friends and classmates doing. And they are not stupid. It's not, doesn't work that way.
I always, I find that very frustrating, but it's a particular thing because I am very much pro-education, but there are lots of different ways to learn shit in the world and turn that into a way to have like a job and a career and a life. But that's a weird thing to talk about in the world that we live in because... We hardly know each other. Yeah, we're basically strangers.
But that... Listen, kids. You don't have... Listen. Oh, fucking... I just touched my pen to my lens. Are you okay, lens? I don't care. You're cheap, lens. Let's be honest.
Yeah. I'm looking at the lens up close. Not actually zooming in. I'm just moving my face closer to it to look at it. It's an optical illusion. Well, this one's interesting because we all live in different places. And by all of us, I mean one of us. What's your favorite thing about the place that you live? It doesn't have to even be like your top favorite thing, but like pick a favorite thing.
Pick a thing you want to talk about that's like a favorite thing about the place that you live.
You do have to be a certain kind of crazy and or just really motivated to like actually make it work in LA because it's, Of all the cities I've been to, L.A. is one of the more unpleasant, but also one of the craziest. There's pleasant parts of it. Downtown L.A.? Kind of shit that goes on in L.A. is wild.
Hey, we don't learn a lot of counting in Ohio. Not what we're here for. We're here for the chili. Education. That's really, that's one of your favorite things?
I said one of your favorite things.
That's just a thing that I wouldn't think is up there for so many people. It is for me is why I'm surprised. I'm a big Skyline fan in particular.
That's like how third graders do syllables when they're learning it. They're just like, you just make your fingers go at the same speed as you're talking.
My chin doesn't really move that well. It does. It moves a bit. It doesn't move very much when I talk.
I think I probably don't do that one for that exact reason.
What is one skill you think everyone should possess, regardless of who they are or what they do?
Well, your answers make mine seem pretty frivolous now. My thing that I landed on was cooking, which is a little broad. But if communication is allowed to be one, I think like you don't need to know how to cook to survive. But I feel like if more people had a fundamental base of cooking,
They have everything. God, that was such a good bit. Dan Cortez.
cooking like basic cooking skills it just makes life that little bit better right when you're especially in the world that we live in like you don't always have a lot of money for fancy ingredients or nicer higher-end ingredients sometimes you get the same stuff week after week you live in a world of a lot of like rice and beans and things simple ingredients are
can be just as delicious as fancy, expensive ingredients. It takes more technique and knowledge maybe, but that's a thing, right? If I know people who like, don't like eating now or, or have some specific foods that they won't eat and not for reasons like Wade, where like cilantro tastes like soap and that's like a genetic thing.
They just like, they think they don't like food, but the problem is they grew up and like they're
both parents were working and that you know food was secondary they ate what they ate it was a lot of canned stuff or whatever can be delicious and i feel like when food is delicious it just sort of improves the overall quality of life but it's hard to argue that people should spend a lot of time cooking or learning about cooking when you know shit's hard now now that feels stupid so thanks you made me feel really stupid thanks guys that was our goal de nada right mark de nada
Pronounced Donato's, Wade. It's a pizza place. Oh, Donato's. Anyway, I had some other ones, but as per usual, I hate them now, even though I took the time to write them down. So I don't want to talk about those. I think that was enough. I think the ice is broken. I think we know each other better now. Now we can all stop pretending to be friends and get the fuck back to work.
So... You guys want to get together, get some chlee? God, no. Can't wait for this conversation to be over. Go on. Back to your cubicles, everybody. I will read the points now in a perfunctory manner. Oh wait, no. Should I wait? Should I forget? Do we do the wheels first? Should we do the wheels first?
I just don't even, it's all different now. All right, I'll read the points. Mark, Mark, you got points for cool surgery. I've never finished in my life. Girthy Redwood water polo emoji and eat love. All right. Eat lava. Eat lava. Eat lava. Yeah, that makes sense.
Wade, you earn points for poo poo water book. Palpatine therapist. I'm a stalactite. loser like me, eat garbage, and five syllables.
This is kind of a disadvantage for me, but I want to go with shirt is closest to their own background.
Sorry, the sign is not Wade Fleshtoned. Yeah, it's kind of marked today, but Wade, you wear a lot of gray shirts, and I do have purple shirts that I wear sometimes. And I usually wear dark shirts, so this is uncommon. Something about today, something about that shirt tone, it is an unusual color for you. You wear a lot of dark stuff and greens and...
I mean, I don't get to see that, but we can talk about it when it happens.
Anyway, three-sided die. Well, I got a two. All right. So we're doing two spins.
And there are two spins, so I'm sure nothing bad will happen to me.
Okay, that's not going to do much to it. What the fuck is that so loud? It was last time too, but I swear it gets louder each time. I don't know how to make that be not loud. I don't know. All right. Point for, what was it? Point for listeners.
Well, I'm just going to write listeners and you're just going to have zero points on this scorecard. So you're going to be in fourth place, listeners. And spin number two. Hopefully with no sound fucking destroying your eardrums again. Oh, shit.
Which means that Wade wins. Wow. What a way to mislead that.
You were just really invested in that one. I felt it. Anyway, congratulations, Wade. Thank you. Is it winner's speech time? Yeah, winner's speech it away. Go for it, buddy.
True words have never been uttered out of Wade's mouth. Mark, loser's speech.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. I allow it! I mean, we're giving the speeches, but... Look, I guess technically, if we're going to do this, what's unfair is Wade is winning. So if Mark wins... I buy it. Mark wins, but if it is deemed fair, Wade gets double win? I don't know what that means, but... I'll take it!
Yeah, so if three heads... Mark actually wins this episode. The score doesn't change. Mark just wins this episode. If three tails, Wade double wins this episode. Whatever the fuck that means.
It's almost definitely maybe over. Who cares? I mean, who knows? I do care. I want the trophy. But anyway, flip them, boys. There's heads. Heads. fails oh man i wanted to cheat so bad i did too but the other way
Thank you, everyone, for competing. Excellent use of the unfair bit, Mark. Thank you. I respect it. I look forward to that coming up later on.
Because otherwise it was clearly pretty fair. We won't remember that.
Anyway, make sure you follow Mark and Wade on their YouTube channels and social media stuff. And I have those things too. And make sure you follow the podcast because then your devices will tell you every time there's a new one. It's Mondays and Fridays, but you know, just in case you forget. Thank you so much for watching or listening to another episode of your favorite podcast.
What does he work right outside the movie theater? He watched it in. That sounds a little bit like it's on him.
I guess I just don't even get that because, I mean, you see a movie trailer, maybe you're going to see the movie, but of all the trailers I've ever seen, there were only a handful where I saw the trailer and I was like, whoa, I was unaware of that movie. Now I'm going to go see that movie. It's always like... Oh, I'm not interested in this. Oh, I'm not interested in this.
Oh, I really want to see this movie already. Maybe it has more of an effect on other people, but that just seems kind of stupid to me.
I feel like it would make more sense if the movie just started at the advertised time and the trailers ran before and you had to get there a little early if you wanted to see the trailers. Because then it's like, you can't really be mad if you don't see the trailers. But also, then the movie happens at a time where you don't have to guess how long. All of that aside, this dude won money for this?
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. That's right, you never had a choice to begin with. No, we're not going to tackle the concept of free will today. Yes, I knew you would be here. No, I'm not going to tell you how I knew that. Yes, I'm excited to see you on the next episode, too. Yeah, anyway, I'm your host for today.
I mean, I guess I just find it hard to feel too bad for a guy who was going to see a movie that, if it started exactly on time, still would have made him late for work if he stayed and watched the entire thing. Like, the argument that they play too many trailers, I'm totally on board with, but...
Look, I'm not saying that I haven't been there, but also that's pretty much on you. You're going to make yourself late to work. Well, not according to the law. He won money. I just feel like, I mean, I don't know anything about the court system in India. It's similar to the court systems here, but that creates a precedent of can't other people do that then?
Can I just pick a movie whose theoretic end time would have made me be able to leave and get somewhere else on time, then just watch the whole movie and then leave when it actually ends and then be like, hey, you owe me 600 bucks. And then the court has to be like, yeah, well, we did it for that other guy, so.
I think they should just stop playing anything once it hits the time when the movie was supposed to end. And if it ends with half an hour left in the movie, so be it.
Wade, what's in your life? Please. Upstage Mark.
My name is Bob, and I'm the host because I won the last one. I did win the last one, right? Yeah, I think so. I just started talking, and then I blacked out. I don't know what happened. Did I say anything weird?
Yeah, how are you going to possibly grind Path of Exile 2 enough now that you also have Monster Hunter in your life?
The host doesn't always do small talk, but I've made a mistake and I want to groan about it. Groan away, man. Mark has already told the story, so it's not that interesting. But you remember, Mark, you remember, you remember when you needed a prior authorization for medicine? Yeah. Yeah, our fucking insurance changed at the beginning of February. This is going to air further in the future.
But even now, when we're recording it, it's not February anymore. And I still don't have all the prior authorizations I need to get the prescriptions I've been taking for eight plus years to manage my diabetes. A chronic illness that's never going to go away.
Is this just a fun insulin prescription or is this a necessary insulin? We don't want anyone getting bonus insulin.
You know what's even stupider is I do, I also take Ozempic, the real shit, not any of those fake subglutides. No, I am actually the person who Ozempic was originally made for because I am diabetic and it has helped my... Oh, I thought you meant literally you, like they met with you and they're like, all right, we're going to find a way. I'm the reason it was invented. They named it after him too.
Yeah. Little known fact. My middle name. I've been using Ozempic since before it was cool. That's the first one I got. Of all the medicines I take, that's the one where I would understand if the insurance was like, does he need this? Or is he just trying to get skinny for free? First of all, that part of it doesn't work for me. Not everyone gets skinny on Ozempic.
I don't know if everyone knows that. Big disappointment on my end. But also, no, I'm just tired. Anyway, Mark, you talked about this a bunch. It's not news. If you're an American...
You understand the horrors, but I'm trapped in the middle of trying to get prior authorizations for medicines I've been taking for almost a decade or more, in some cases, for a disease I've had since I was 17 years old. But whatever. They just want to check and make sure I'm still diabetic, I guess. I don't know.
probably get medicine every other country i've ever traveled to i didn't get sick in all of them but all the ones where i got sick or like when we were on tour you guys had issues and stuff every other country we were like oh god mark's getting sick fuck how are we gonna get doctors and all the people in that country were like dude come see a doctor medicine please oh my god i hope you feel better and we're just like but but how expensive was that that was like no bill what the what
No one has opted to suffer, though. He usually just finds something to write with.
For your old twisty testies.
But it's always flabbergasting. And now I'm the one trapped in the hell of prior authorization. So that's fun. That's one of the joyous things I've had going on lately. Thankfully, I haven't had too much trouble.
That's the only thing that's keeping me from yelling at people on the phone, because it's like, eventually, once all of this is all settled, it'll be okay for a minute. But not there yet. Also, I wouldn't actually yell at people on the phone, but I do get quite disgruntled. I try to be polite, but sometimes it's hard to not be snarky.
The one and only time I've ever yelled through a cell phone was during the original Bob's fridge incident. Right. I did actually yell at that fucking guy on the cell phone. He did not care for that. I did. I still feel bad about that, but also I feel like my anger was pretty, like pretty justified all around in that situation.
You got my real cry to come out, me.
Is there a topic for this episode or? I'm going to get there eventually. I gave Mark a segue point like five minutes ago for the movie Gamer because today's episode is what's wrong with video games? How old are we? What happened?
this is not about like what's wrong with video games societally it's just been like specifically here's what i'm thinking diablo 4 had a rough launch and it got better and it got better and then they had a dlc drop and it just feels like a lot of the better they kind of undid again and it just i want to play i want to love it but man it's it's just it's roller coaster in me
And as we're filming this, Path of Exile 2 is about to come out. And Path of Exile kind of had Diablo 3 by the balls. I mean, Diablo 3 ended up as a great game. I think Diablo 3 ended up as a great game by the end, but it took five, six years to get there. Path of Exile just came out. Seemed like a passion project. People loved what they were doing.
It is very rare. How are you guys doing? How's life? How's things?
They wanted to make a fun game that was like a reference to Diablo 2 and other ARPGs and stuff. Great game. And they've continued to support it. They've continued to just do great things with it. It's very popular. People enjoy it. I never hear anything bad said about Path of Exile. And 2 comes out very soon. And it seems like all of the hype is up for that.
And I've seen some interviews with the guy that's making it. And he was talking about some decision making things. He's like, look, actually what Diablo 4 has been doing Some of the stuff that they're doing, it makes sense that it's a struggle because what they're doing is challenging to make.
And we decided why do the hard stuff whenever we can do easier stuff that makes more content that people like and isn't as difficult to do, which was kind of like taking a shot at them, but also like giving them credit for doing hard work. I'm kind of in a weird spot myself as a gamer. I still play video games quite often, but I've been balancing between games a lot lately.
And it just made me wonder, like, man, I played Diablo 2 for like 10 straight years. I played Diablo 3 for like 10 straight years. I cannot stick with a game anymore. And I don't know if that's an age thing. I don't know if I just need to find a new hobby. Or is something wrong with the video games themselves? So what is wrong with video games?
Until Dawn had Let's Party Like Porn Stars, and Man of Medan had Let's Kick It Like Legends, Bro, or something like that.
He figured it out, Bob. What was it? Nothing. Go on.
Diablo 4 arguably did that when it launched playing through the campaign. The campaign was fun. The story was interesting. The cinematics were fantastic. And then you got to like level 50 out of 100, which they've changed the way leveling works now. So they have renovated that a bit, but you have like level 50. It's like, OK, cool. We finished the story. What is there to do now?
I need to get my glyphs leveled up. So let's go run some nightmare dungeons to level glyphs. There's one boss that doesn't give you any rewards. You get achievement for beating her, but that's it. So I'll just level up my glyphs that I can run more nightmare dungeons to level up glyphs.
what is this the mid game the end game it's all of it what do you mean it's all of it and they've spent the first four or five whatever season since then adding mid and end game content because they had virtually none and they've added and like i said it got to a point like a season ago where i was like actually it's in a pretty good spot
space right now I'm really enjoying I'm having fun I want to play every season I'm playing past getting to level 100 I'm playing multiple characters and then something with the DLC coming out I don't I don't know that they really changed I don't know what they changed but it felt like they added more like grind and less reward feeling it's like I didn't feel like I was getting as much bang for my buck it was like I was
I gotta do this, gotta do this, gotta do this, gotta do this. Like, I don't want a game to feel like a job. I want it to feel something like fun, rewarding. When it gets to be taxing to play, it loses me very quickly. And something about the DLC, again, great story, but the added stuff to do just felt like a chore that wasn't rewarding enough to make me want to do it.
And it just hurts me because I want Diablo to succeed because I love Diablo's universe. I've played it since the 90s and it's like, I don't want to see it fail. But man, are they trying their best to make it fail? Sometimes it feels like. I think you're spot on with that, and that's a good start. Thank you. How about you, Bob? What you got?
call of duty specifically like i think college late college whatever year black ops modern warfare 2 and then black ops 2 i think those were the three i put the most time into it's like i played them from the time they launched to when the next one came out and then so on and so forth like i just i played a shit ton of it i cared about my kill death ratio and all that stuff um it was all like dude i just went 43 and 0 on jungle like i'll never forget like my first time having a major kill streak and zero deaths i did like three times ever where i had like 40 plus kills and no deaths i was like
my average kill death was like 1.3 but those 43 and 0s man and then like lately i played some of um i forget which call of duty it was that had like oh god what was the mode there's zombie mode but their zombie mode was not the waves it was like the open world like you go and do different tasks around but like meanwhile there's also zombies coming after you was that cold war
It might've been, I wouldn't know by name, but like you had to go and extract when you were done and you would like get your pack a punch machine around the map and so on and so forth. And there were like different zones where the zombies at the middle were the toughest and then less tough. And then the easy ones were the edge.
I had fun with that mode, but like the actual multiplayer and stuff, like I played through the story, the story was fine. The multiplayer just, I've not, I've not cared for PVP in a long time, which makes me care very little about Call of Duty because they really just cater to that mode. It's all about their, um,
battle royale they're like they're battle royale and they have their multiplayer pvp i just don't care about that stuff anymore so it's been hard for me to get into it yeah not since high school or college have i really cared about a call of duty all that much outside of like a couple of zombie modes i know what's wrong with gaming this is gonna be a bold one it's gonna be very aggressive i stand by every word that i'm about to say the gamers themselves
Content creators and stuff's a whole nother ballgame because like playing games. So just going with trends, like whenever you're making content, it's your job. It's hard not to, right? Because you have to jump on trends to get views or you have to start trends or whatever else.
But the influence side of like people playing games only for trends, I've kind of always wondered about that to some extent, because like Lethal Company, I'll actually play Lethal Company for fun with just with friends. Like we'll get together. We'll play Lethal Company. We just have a good time with it. Some games like Phasmophobia.
I still play Phasmophobia from time to time on stream or like for YouTube videos. I enjoy playing it for content. That's not a game I really want to play outside of making content for it. I don't really like being scared unless it's with friends and typically viewers. I just don't care for being scared all that much. But Phasmophobia is a game I'm kind of surprised.
Still gets updates, still gets love. I think it's popular, people play it, people stream it, people make videos on it, and that's fine. But there are just certain games like that that, to me, in my mind, are like, these are good content-making games, but are people buying these games to play them themselves? Clearly they are, so people enjoy playing it. But it's not a game I would play...
for fun outside of the fact that i think it's a great content game it's fun to play that with friends and viewers and stuff and that's not that's not meant to be a knock on phasmophobia or anything specifically it's just one of those things where there's games like that where it's like do people really play some games outside of just making content on them
and obviously content creators themselves don't like i'm not talking about them specifically but like viewers it's like people out there play phasmophobia and don't make content on it like you actually enjoy it or certain games and stuff like that i don't know i i'm fortunate like i think we're fortunate we're in a position where we don't have to play the trend game i did you know there was a time period 2014 2015 whatever i remember rust seven days to die i was playing those before they got super popular but even when they were getting popular i was like oh
boy more rust and more seven days that i like these games but also they're popular it's great for me what a great trend to be on there is a game to be played there especially whenever you're struggling paycheck to paycheck kind of stuff with your job and ups and downs we've all been there again not me never i've never been there always up you should try it just don't go down one day i have to look down at the peons beneath me
But it's just an interesting conversation. Your point, what is it? I wrote down stuff. Pre-orders, legendary edition, deluxe edition, the gotcha style stuff, battle passes, early access, all those things people pay extra money for in a lot of games that just never get finished. You pay for all that stuff and then the game flops and you're just out of the money. Can I ask a question?
Doing a very rough Google search, it looks like it's more based on the Latin-based language, Spanish and Latin-French words that basically go with ped, which is foot. So it's like foot soldier. Peons are foot soldiers.
I wish I was really hoping it would be like, yes, because kings used to pee on their subjects from their high castle walls. I was hoping that would be the truth. No, no, no. It's distractible route is yes. Pee on. Sorry, I didn't mean to bring truth to our podcast. We can go back to peddling bullshit.
It's, it blows my mind. Is brazine the actual name of the proteins? I did look it up after you have been talking and I'm seeing pentadine is the sweet tasting protein.
Dude, that's enough to distribute. I bought it. That's a felony, man.
Brazine is a sweet tasting pre... It's a sweet tasting pre, yeah, it is.
They got a no questions from the FDA confirming the protein is safe for use in food and beverages. So why is it in the USA? I don't know.
that was just march of this year but apparently it's fda approved anyway if anyone if anyone is listening this from a country that grows the oobly fruit oh for fuck's sake man that's what this is about mark's just leveraging our show to get people to buy him things when you wreck your car driving 30 miles to get the oobly plant call mark Let him know about your bumper buster.
That's not what it is. So you can come on this podcast and give him his goddamn product. No, no. I'm just curious. Aren't you guys curious about it?
You wear boxers? Just straight up boxers? I do. Now, to be fair, I've not tried wearing boxer briefs and I don't know how long. It's been a very long time. I've just worn boxers since like high school. And I think the only reason I ever changed is because it was the cool thing to do. And I was just like, whatever. And I wear basketball shorts and boxers. It's just kind of freeing good airflow.
A kilogram of normal protein is between $20 and $30.
The police are gonna pull up. You got your pot plants out front that are legal now in most states. They're gonna come inside, bust down the door, open up your closet. The halogen lights are on full display of your ooblee place.
People that are naked with like the mask on just like rolling up your protein for you.
Can't speak to the veracity here, but apparently you can buy seeds for the Oobly plant. And I have a website. Where? RarePalmSeeds.com. Fuck. RarePalmSeeds.com. Yeah, my lovely, the fucking, when you Google something now and like the AI overview thing gives you info. I don't know how much I trust it, but it told me that. It's out of stock. Oh, yeah, it is. Beautiful out of stock.
Oh, is that what that is?
Okay, well... Beautiful out of stock. I don't know why it was like beautiful. It was out of stock. I was very confused. It's like they're really happy they're out of stock. We're running out of combinations of letters.
But I've not tried briefs or boxer briefs in a long time. So maybe I need to give them another shot.
I just couldn't go through high school and being like part of the men's locker room in briefs or else I would have gotten the shit kicked out of me. So I had to go team boxer.
I'm hoping it's Weebly so I can make my Weebly board joke, which is like a Ouija board, but if it's not, then forget it. Make it anyway, just in case. You might be right. I just did. I hope it was fun. I had this whole thing. I was like, yeah, I'm looking at this. The entire plant's very useful.
You have the protein that you can use to have, like, the sugar, and even the outside of the fruit is used to make Weebly boards for ghost hunting. You know, now I was like, well, it's probably not pronounced Weebly, so I better just ruin the joke ahead of time. If you hadn't explained it, that would have totally worked.
I think we've been saying Obley, but for some reason, my brain, I saw the O, it was like, Weegee board. Anyway, anyone in a country that grows the Weebly fruit, give me some. I was watching our Spotify reps, and we have been viewed in 165 countries, I think it was. Someone's got to have access to some of that. There's a good chance one of those has an Oobly, Owbly, Wobbly, Weebly.
Just cover all the names. Or Peckadin. Peckerdick? What is it called?
Yeah, apparently this is one great fruit. We need to get those seeds. Nobody go to that website and buy seeds, so Mark can get some.
And people can see the abber-bapper-pepper beautiful out of stock. Do you have the abber-bapper-pepper fruit? So that's what's wrong with video games.
Not enough good sugary proteins in video games.
You got to go to... Where does this fruit look good? West African. Country of West African. First isolated by the University of Wisconsin. So apparently Wisconsin's down in West Africa taking all the oobly. Go Badgers! Actually, no. Fuck them. Oh. Boo Badger what? Football? Basketball or something? Yeah, they stole UC's coach. Oh, right. Okay.
Anytime someone poaches our coach, I root for nothing but the worst for them. And they're having a really bad season, so I feel vindicated. Like Brian Kelly, I'll never root for that man again after he left us.
It never works out either. People leave UC after having great years and they collapse elsewhere they go. Even though Brian Kelly had a pretty good senior at Notre Dame, but like never won a championship. Could have with us. Definitely wouldn't have. We made the, we were the only non-conference to make the playoff. It was only four teams. Anyway, no one watching cares about my sports knowledge.
Because I was like, oh, he's got a tiny one. Why is that even a joke? Yeah, exactly. Like, that's why I had to switch back then. And I haven't gone back. They're so comfortable. Oh, we need an underwear sponsorship.
That's what's wrong with the government, man. They're sitting on all of our Oobly seeds. Use them for themselves. All right, man. Government! All right, anyway. Anything else about video games y'all want to talk about? We can just wrap this one up. I mean, we got some pretty good stuff in here.
The average age of a video gamer is apparently 35. So apparently it's right where we're at. Oh, yeah. Okay, maybe that's not it.
We matter. I don't know what this is. I don't know who gathered this data or how accurate it is, but government, sorry. According to this in 2021, the age distribution of us gamers, us only 20% were under the age of 18, 38% were between 18 and 34, 14%, 35 to 44, 12, 45 to 54, nine 55 to 64, seven, 65 years and older.
Yeah, maybe they went with median for the average. I don't know.
58% are 34 or younger, but maybe they're on the higher end of like the 18 to 34. And therefore the other 42 adds up to like, I don't know. Like I said, I'm not a big math guy, so I don't know. I guess like 80 years old also bumps up the range rather than like, you know, zero to 35. 80 is a bit higher on the end than zero is from 35. Maybe that fucks it with it a little bit. I don't know.
All those hundred year old gamers out there. Who knows?
I was just asking a question. That was a good question. I had to look it up because I mean, it's possible we're not the ones being marketed to.
Yeah. Yes. That's a good idea there, Sonny. Yes. Yes. Well, let's wrap all this one up then, I think. Good show. Good hijacking. Good small talk.
We have been. My episodes are always so focused and just, you know, on the money. Never wander. But this is a show called Distractible.
Give us some space. I'm just here, dude. Mark, for no particular reason, I'm gonna read your points first. I've lost all hope.
you've got points for bold underwear opinion open ai killer robots segue story first game second is wrong gamers themselves trend-based gaming uh i put the whole like money pre-orders legendary edition all that stuff i put all that as a point brazing question mark question mark bought a kilo and you lost the point for using our viewers again. I got four points.
Oh my God, I'm going to lose to Wade. Two that are just points and then kicking it like legends. Bob, you got points for warm pube, which I don't think is their parts. Warm parts. Warm pube works. Normal dick. Mocking mark. Socks. Call of duty. Business. However copy Fortnite. Too complicated. Tech disparity. We aren't the target anymore. I don't know if I said peon, but peon.
Bob, you got... Just give it to him straight, man. Tell him his loss is... Nine points. That's not a good number. That's too low. Mark. Oh, boy. You had 11 minus one, so you end up with 10. Ah.
Hey, I came in third today. That's not bad for you.
I should have just nixed the whole video game thing and turned this into our Christmas wish list from our viewers.
Is it the new phone? Did you get the new one?
Did you 5D chess us? Have you been 5D chessing us for a while now? You just offered to have your testicles explode, your arm fall. We just did an episode where we replaced all of your fucking body parts, and now you're like, oh, this might take my body parts. Oh, no. Yep.
I'm Wade. That's Mark. That's Bob. It's been a fun episode. I hope you all learned something about something today. Find Bob some socks, phone case, and find them both some oobly, oobly, owbly, wowbly, whatever it's called. Stay tuned for the next one where Mark will host and probably ask you all for some more stuff. Until then, podcast out. Editors, play us out! Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!
I don't think I do either. I've not really thought about it. I've just worn boxers for years because after junior high, I think I switched because I joined the basketball team and I was like, I can't be caught in there with my briefs.
bob did you want to have your small talk are you just content what did i have to talk about i'm also already unsure what i gave you your point for mark or not mark bob you made a joke or something warm something i already can't read what i wrote i got warm parts inside me some something like that parts okay because it looks like i wrote warm pub that makes more sense part i won't correct anything so i'll be confused at the end again but just want to double yeah no don't change that just leave that the way it is you'll remember
One day I'll auction off my scorecard here so that way I can pay for some plumbing. Nah, that's gonna stop, buddy.
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I am today's host, Pete. Why? Because I won the last one. Joining us as always are my co-hosts, Mark and Bob. Hello, men. How are you? Hi. It is cold in Cincinnati. We have had like the coldest November start to December. I remember school got canceled because of cold in early December. That like never happened.
This is small talk. Don't worry this topic. They're going to be flying in. It's going to be some philosophy shit or something, isn't it?
I've started wearing like I wear Brooks shoes because I had a lot of foot pain for a while and Brooks are just super padded. At least this one kind I was getting. But lately I got a pair of hey dudes for like a family photo thing. And I've actually been really enjoying the hey dudes, but they are kind of low. So like my socks still stick out over them.
But I've been the hey dude phase of my life right now. Which kind of makes me remind me of my grandpa. My grandpa at some point in life stopped wearing tie shoes and just got like velcro like Reeboks he wore everywhere. Dude, slip-ons are kind of where it's at.
I've never done the slip-on thing till now, but now I'm kind of like, oh, for winter, like taking the dogs outside when it's like fucking three degrees or whatever it is right now. It's having some slip-ons where I'm not wearing flip-flops out in the freezing cold. I'm still wearing my shorts because like I can't change everything at once. But slip-ons are nice. Any more small talk bits?
Just forgot that we had editing for a minute. Sometimes you feel like you're out on an island by yourself here in the podcasting world.
That's like February weather. It's like wildly cold right now.
I feel like we really missed the boat on this crypto coin thing. We could have had a coin, we could have rug pulled everybody, and here we are.
We need to get some people in. Mark, we need you to invest in this coin. Yeah, tell me more. I'm very interested. You give us money, you make it eventually, probably, maybe.
I think my suggestion to Mark a few episodes back about collecting battle bots might be a bit more relevant now that there's going to be killer bots.
Was it, uh, was it Iron Man 2 where the one dude was like, uh, build me some bots and the other dude was like... Are you talking about Hammer Tech?
arm and hammer goes and rescues whipinsky out of russian jail then they crash a formula one race or some shit like that see that's the kind of recap that makes sense to me and then he dances and his robots don't listen to him it's a whole mess thank god for donnie hark or whatever his name was last episode you talking about the end of gamer when he dances in the other I've got you under my skin.
I forgot the, Gamer's the one with Dexter guy, right? I forget the actor's name. Yeah, Mr. Morgan. I've got you under my skin thing, yeah. I thought Gamer was Gerard Butler. Well, it is, but he's the good guy. Oh, okay.
Yeah. Who brought up gamer?
I have a habit of doing, uh, saying, when people say things, which is the, uh, Geico commercial, when they're like the, why don't we get in the running car? Are you crazy? Let's go hide behind those chainsaws. I just, I mimic that one line from that stupid commercial. Shout out to them, I guess.
You guys ain't never had a friend like me. That's a callback right there. Give yourself a callback point. Why not?
hey dude that that yeah okay has stuck with me since i first saw it that does come up a lot i just said it today we were uh i was driving to the airport and uh i don't remember someone like cut me off or whatever and they waved like i let them in it's like okay like i don't know i just do that you cut someone off and they went okay no no they cut me off and then they waved like i let them in like they nearly wrecked into me forced me to slam my brake then they waved like
Thanks for letting me in. Yeah, okay.
Yeah, well, I hope the place that has the thing has a forklift, but goddamn.
I mean, U-Hauls can, U-Hauls can carry pallets. You probably, for three pallets, you'd need kind of a big one, but that. They have U-Hauls that could carry three pallets, probably, maybe.
One of us would definitely, like, lose a finger trying to get it into the bed of a truck or the back of a, like, a box truck or something.
Okay. I may have just accidentally thrown my coin onto... It's not important. I'm going to stop fidgeting with that. That's very heavy.
Gallons? It's a lot of pee. How does he know it's gallons? Is it in containers? Yeah. Well, if it's in containers, I have to ask again.
He's named after the noise Wile E. Coyote makes when he walks off the edge of the cliff.
I've not ever collected all of the urine that I make over the course of any number of days, so I'm not super sure, but that does seem like a lot for one human to make. I'm just struggling with, I don't really care why, why for so long? Like, even if you had a purpose for collecting the urine, weeks, weeks of this?
Someone driving the paint truck just bouncing curb to curb as they go paint the lines on the road.
What we're looking at is actually the trail of the largest known snail to ever live on Earth. It happened to just be just about as wide as this one paved road was, but it It wiggled down the road, and it kind of went back and forth a little bit, and it's just like a wiggly little trail. And it's not little, it's huge. It's literally as wide as a two-lane road.
But from far enough away, it just looks like a little snail trail. Is that a better description?
Well, I can't tell if it's better or worse. Around my parents' house, there are roads where they've essentially done the same thing. But what they did instead was they put in pinch points where the road just gets really narrow and there's hard curbs on both sides.
Or there's like a traffic circle, like a tiny little traffic circle where you could literally drive straight over it and you might mistake it for a speed bump. But it's for the same purpose of like, so you have to drive more slowly.
But with those, say it snows six inches, or if you don't see the curb, if it's like dark out or whatever, you just fucking destroy your car if you drive straight into a curb at 30 miles an hour or whatever, however fast you might be going. I guess this is better because no one is going to get into a terrible car accident if they don't see that the lines are all squiggly and shit.
But also, I would just, if I lived near this road and I had to drive it regularly, I'm just going to drive straight down the road. I'm not fucking doing that. Just because being in a car, even going slow, is so miserable when you're like, I'm not fucking doing that. I'll drive slow, I just will drive in a straight line.
She just actually think it was Transylvania for a while.
You weren't even laughing. You just jumped straight to vomit. Oh, man. Right to vomit.
I've actually got a local citizen here. Sir, what was your name? Uh... I go by Saint Nicholas. Ha ha ha. Yeah. Old Rudolph Bracey. I was actually going to have him lead my sleigh tonight. But he told me just before we were about to take off. He's running for Senate, apparently. And he's on the naughty list. So that's not likely. Not likely. His sister, though. I'd slam her. All right.
Anyway, Santa Claus, everybody. Thanks so much for the interview, sir. Yeah, Santa Claus lives in Florida. He retired to Florida. That's where he spends the off season. Did I do it right? Yeah, you sure did. Anyway, you just latched onto that because of the slams?
He's going to interview somebody. I won't. He's trying not to, but he's going to.
I just have to ask, is this the police chief from the same place? Wasn't there a female officer who was making OnlyFans videos by sleeping with all of the other male officers in her precinct, and she got in some amount of trouble because I was supposed to do that? I believe I remember a news story about that, but this must be her police chief.
Not that I'd love to know, but I feel like I need to know the context of how exactly was he in a position to stick a needle into another man's penis?
Why is it the same place as where the bad guys live in the Trolls movies? Where it is? I swear to God, the Bergens are the people in the Trolls movies that eat the trolls, and I think they live in Bergentown or something. It is called Bergentown, yeah.
Tort is a thing. A tort is a civil claim against another person. Like assault, non-criminal assault is a tort. That's a very common thing. It's not a word you hear if you're not a lawyer, I guess, but that's just what civil claims are called, basically.
It's not underappreciated. It's a huge fucking chain restaurant. There's like a thousand of them.
It doesn't sound like he should still be police chief.
That defines you, New Jersey. How do New Jerseyans sound?
So this is going to be a bunch of dudes who all pay $10,000 because they think they're going to go find someone who will be willing to have sex with them. But it's just going to be a bunch of dudes who are, in fact, not willing to have sex with them, probably.
I mean, that just sounds like a lie, but okay. Even if I ignore my knee-jerk political response to this, how I feel about this, and who I think might be attending it, ignore the fact that the headline itself said right-wing influencers, does this just sound like the saddest convention you could imagine? People who are so desperate that they're like, $10,000? Well, that's a bargain!
It sounds so sad. There's no part, like, there's a lot of other things I think and feel about this, but the overwhelming one is sad.
you're missing out on are you telling me you're missing out on the joy of understanding the the people who believe in like the great replacement theory and people like uh fearless leader ellen musk who are uh huge proponents of making as many babies as physically possible so that we don't run out of people to earn him money you mean the guy who's all like good musk no i don't think even he has done that but he has people do it for him like his wow account
Audience, if you come to Cincinnati, definitely get LaRosa's so that you can understand how wrong Wade is. The thing is, it's fine.
The same guy actually plays Bath of Exile and pats him on the head and says good musk to him.
Baby boomers 2.0. That's what I'm expecting.
I can't... So the headline was right-wing influencers are going to this or promoting it. If there are influencers going to this, presumably this is known information because they're sharing it to their followers or whatever. Is it better or worse if they go and they marry someone they just met on the spot just to start making babies or they go to a paid marriage sex convention and...
and can't even get someone to be with them at that convention. I feel like it'd be really embarrassing to go and then come home empty-handed, but I have to imagine that's happening.
yes exactly it's not like we're saying it's awful pizza it's just unremarkable it's better than that they put the pepperoni under the cheese it's so unique it's not meaningfully better than any of the other chain pizza restaurants and it's definitely not a thing that deserves to represent cincinnati in a meaningful way
Did they have a hashtag or something we can look at?
Compared to lots of other stuff he said today, that was pretty good.
Yeah, definitely. What a combo of things. Definitely. The guys who have truck nuts on their trucks are also opposed to boobs being out in public because they can't possibly stand to exist near that. That's a weird overlap. I think that's fascinating.
No, maybe that's it. You're supposed to have your real nuts out and your fake boobs out. I have an interview here with one of the local Idaho residents.
So you can... Do they have a lot of problems with women flashing their boobs in Idaho? Those aren't things I would connect. If that happened in, like, Louisiana? Or Udaho. Wow. Yikes. Calm down. That'd be a little bit more of like a, yeah, no, well, you know, Mardi Gras. I don't really see that happening in Idaho, in my mind.
I'm pro truck nut ban, though. Not going to lie. They're gross. They're too saggy. Can we get some younger truck nuts if we're going to have that in public? They're always way saggy. I don't like that at all. That truck looks like a 75-year-old man at the gym who is not worried about whether or not his bits are hanging in people's faces.
I'm just saying. I'm just saying. There should be an age restriction. If you're going to have fake nuts anyway, they can look however you want them to.
I can't even tell where we stand right now.
Point for listeners. Okay, we need a new wheel. This is messed up. Something is wrong. They can't possibly win this time. Mark actually did lose a point, so Mark is at negative one points. It's possible Wade could come in fifth. If he lost a net of more than two points, if you're negative two or lower, you could come in fifth out of three.
God, the biggest laugh. I think it depends how you define it, but yeah. Oh, that's true. I think it's probably the Dracula joke.
i don't know that mark actually laughed but i i have to give that i'm trying to think if i don't have to give that i mean you laugh pretty good at it's not small it's actually enormous for the snail but i think we both laughed just harder than anything else not even close at the all right that's drake ulysses love i at least earned a positive point today
My face hurts, and it's partially from smiling, but it's also partially from the amount of eyebrow raising and disbelief I got, I think, during this episode. But I have to say, Wade's lows were much lower than mine. But Wade's highs were much higher than mine. So I feel like I earned a win. But I don't know that I deserve a win. So I'm going to take it and hold my head up high.
But good episode today, Wade. I think. Or terrible episode. It could go either way. But good, good, awful episode. And me, very medium. Very medium. Which is all you need to do to win.
I do like a square cut pizza, and La Rosa's is by far my least favorite square cut pizza I've ever had.
Thanks, man. Speaking of Cincinnati and places, guys, it's happening. The first day where it was nice enough outside that I drove around with all the windows down and the sunroof open when I had to go out to go do some errands or something has finally happened. It's been perfect.
pretty gross most of the other days since then but god damn is there nothing quite like driving around with the windows all down with some music playing so you could just hear it above the wind noise and the sunroof and it's blowing and it's whoo so you would say that there was good weather There was one good weather.
And also, Sunday night, we were in the basement because there was a tornado warning.
We were not in the dead center, but this was the first time since I was a kid where the storm track was up. And they were drawing the line and the boxes and all this stuff. And I was like, oh, yeah, we're right in that. Oh, interesting. And the guy was like, look here. Look at this swirl. You see this? This is tornado activity.
And that was like, there was a line drawn from the tornado over our house. And I was like...
This storm on Sunday was one of those very like, it was a hard wall of storm because we had the same thing. It was like, I forget. It was like maybe like seven o'clock and my phone was like, ooh, thunder or tornado watch and blah. And I looked outside and it was like kind of sunny, like sunset, but like dusk. But I was like, really? In 20 minutes, there might be a tornado here.
It was a little later than they thought, but it was like half an hour later. It was just absolute chaos. Also, can I just throw out, I can't be the only one. You guys get that instinct. We were in the basement, and the sirens went off, and we got the warning, and we were like, okay, let's go in the basement. Tornado warning. And we were watching, James was watching something.
It was after bedtime, so he was real sleepy. So we were just trying to keep him happy. And I had my phone, and I was watching the weather. And part of me was like, we should just go upstairs and take a peek.
it's it's probably it sounds fine it doesn't sound like there's a tornado maybe i should just go upstairs and just take a peek like i that instinct is so hard to fight every part of me was like you're not gonna die if you just go just go take a peek i've never seen a tornado i want to see one i've seen funnel clouds yeah i want to step outside and see if i can see one yeah well if i go if it looks like a tornado when i go you go back downstairs yeah you'll be like whoa
You have to think about it, though. I ultimately did not. Mainly because we have security cameras on the outside of the house, so I'll totally admit, I was like, I had the weather up on, like, my phone, and then I had my iPad, and I was like, this camera? Ooh, it's windy. This camera? Ooh, it's windy there, too. Ooh, like, the whole time, I was like, maybe I'll see it on the cameras.
No, yeah, it was a lot of like cloud to cloud lightning stuff. It was crazy.
i did have flashbacks the only other time i've been in a storm that had lightning of that craziness was when we lived in the bay area there was a lightning storm that came through that was there was no rain and it started a couple hundred fires because it was the craziest fucking lightning storm literally it started like early in the morning so like it woke us up at like six in the morning and for a second my brain was like we're being bombed what's happening because it was it was a it was just a storm with lightning but it was literally just like
for like an hour straight. There was no breaks. It was some crazy fucking lightning. All right, listen, I forgot how old we are. I didn't mean to make us talk about the weather for an hour and a half, but that's cool.
You said this was going to be everyone's least favorite episode. We're just trying to help you out here.
Can you stack three high like it's Farm Simulator and just throw some ratchet straps over? Storage Hunter Simulator. Just throw that shit in there.
They must have like a, maybe it wasn't communicated to you, but FedEx has like an area where it's like, put our shit over here and they get it. It's a lower rate or something. Or there's like, there's no way they're just eating that cost and FedEx is just going to pay that because they're.
This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Doom The Dark Ages. Id Software presents Doom The Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise. Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on hell itself.
I have a game and I have two different dice windows pulled up because there's going to be dice, guys. Plus, this game is basically stolen from our favorite collective show of all time and definitely not the inspiration for this podcast. Whose line is it anyway? Let's make a dice. I remember that one. No? No, well, I actually don't remember what it's called.
What's the show... What's the bit called where it's Colin and Ryan almost always, and they have, like, a box of random shit, and they're doing... They're, like, selling it. They're like, look at this next product. Do you wish you had more hair on your ass? Blah. And then they have, like... It's, like, props. I could not remember what that show was called. And...
Could not be fucked to go Google it, apparently.
No, it's just them. It's like they're selling the products, right? So it's just a box of random ridiculous props, and they just have to be like, and this next thing, and you'll need one of these if you have trouble dropping your chickens when you roast them or whatever weird stuff. It's a very specific game. Anyway, you guys are going to be selling me... Some shit.
But you don't just get to sell me... Well, and since this is a podcast, which listeners have repeatedly informed me is an audio medium, and apparently it's very offensive when we do visual-based gags, people seem to be quite bothered by that. You don't get props. You're not doing anything visual. You get...
Yeah, it's a tight one. It's hard to tell which is really going to happen. The models go both ways depending on, you know, slight tweaks to the parameters. Anyway, my competitors for today are Mark and Wade. Just like always, say hi. I'll prompt you this time. Say hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Good job.
words you get three words in fact i have eight lists of words each list has a theme such as food or technology or six other ones and uh each list also has 20 words on it so i'm gonna roll a d8 and then roll a d20 and do that three times and those are the words you get Who goes first? I have my coin, and I also put that away for some reason, even though I had it just... You know what?
I'm not gonna take it out of the case. Mark his tails, Wade his heads. Heh. The lady is up. Wade goes first. Alright, Wade. So you're gonna sell me. And all of the words don't have to be in, like, the title of the thing, but you have to use all three words in your pitch. And Mark, then you're gonna use the same three words, and you have to sell me a better product... Or service.
It could be a service. We live in a modern world. And the words for this round are... What do we got? We got 3, 14. Which is... Scoreboard. And then we have 4 and 8. Which is... Pancake. And then we have 4... And 17, which is biscuit. So your words are scoreboard, pancake, and biscuit. And I have a certain amount of time to sell this or how's this work? I'm going to sort of feel that out.
I'm going to start a stopwatch counting up and when it gets too high, I'll tell you to stop. Okay. Are you ready for me? You need a second. I'm just writing down to make sure I remember these beautiful words. The floor is yours. Shark tank me.
score breakfast arena coming soon i'd eat that play that play that i guess you're selling the and i appreciate that you never actually said the word scoreboard but there was scoreboard which i will count that's good because i thought i said it yeah yeah you said the word score thanks your honor repeatedly referenced the scoreboard i'll count that that works that's good Mark, are you ready?
I was really thinking one of you was just going to start talking, but I instructed you to say hi, and you only said hi, and I appreciate that. You know what? You each get a good following instructions point. That's a strong start for both of you. I'm the host, which means I have a game we're going to play, and it may or may not be any good at all.
I literally invented this game because I was like, man, Mark does really well when there are specific numbers of language things. Instead of two sentences, let's do three words. Mark will crush this.
I'm gonna be honest, it was so awful that I immediately was dismissive of it, but it was so memorable that I've forgotten completely anything that Wade said and all I can think is the song. I don't feel good, but all right. Wait, was that a Tobuscus reference? Yeah, it was. I don't even remember how the original song went. Was it Chicken and a Biscuit? Yeah, something like that. Nugget. Nugget.
No, Nugget and a Biscuit. That's right.
I don't even know what he's referencing. I just believe him. Anyway, I'm not going to say who wins each round. I was originally going to just announce the winner each round. But I like the mystery. And also, I'm going to have to think about that one for a while. Because it's really making me question this whole premise. But that's okay. Mark, you get to go first in the next round. Can't wait.
That's sushi. Gravity apparition sushi.
No, it's rolled into a sushi, obviously. I would make it a cannoli. You're allowed to use words that aren't on the list. Also, did I really not put cannoli on this list of food? Man, I don't reference anything ever.
You trying to figure out what gravity is? What is this? Nope.
We will determine that at a later date, but we always start these out with small talk. And it's been a minute since we've all seen each other. You can probably tell because our shirts changed, which means we went somewhere, changed our shirts, and now we're here again. So something happened, right? Right? Please, please tell me something happened.
Is that Ed Edgar Adopt-A-Lot Space Sushi Bar? Yeah, sure. I'm assuming that person is, like, the inventor of sushi or something?
I mean, there's probably not like one person who's credited with inventing sushi, I guess. That's not how that.
Hanaya Yohei. I'd go there. Listen, me, Katy Perry, and all those other people who went up on the penis rocket and go eat some sushi in space, I'm into it. How much does that cost? A couple million? Who doesn't have that laying around?
No, yeah, literally, the idea of catapulting the fish into space, it's just about as flash-frozen as you can get, I would imagine, if it actually... Can it burn up while it's leaving the atmosphere?
If... You throw it skin-side out, and the skin acts as a heat shield, but then you get that crispy skin, you know? What a name for a porno, skin-side out. Skin-side... What is that, a horror porn? Ha ha! A porer. A porhorno. A horno? Oh, ooh. Horn, hornor. Hornor? Hold the door, hornor. What?
It's... No, he doesn't know that literally the last episode I hosted, we made fun of Wade for not knowing Game of Thrones because he couldn't say Targaryen. Let's keep everything I host, Mark. I think we need to work on as many Game of Thrones references as possible.
That's like the main short form thing, I swear to God. That's all I get a lot of the time, especially on YouTube shorts. I get that in people dancing. You still get the dances? Somehow I've convinced the algorithm I don't give a fuck about all the dance trends on all those short forms things, but I get the TV clips. I get a lot of Bob Odenkirk movies, and I get a lot of Game of Thrones.
It's a TV show and it's like a dialogue scene and then there's just a song that's like 300% as loud as any of the dialogue. It's good. I've watched most of the third season of Breaking Bad that way. Wait, did you want to do this one or you just want to concede this one to Mark?
No idea how many dozens of times I've done that.
As soon as you started, I was like, ah, teacher stick.
Those were surprisingly good. And I appreciate that you're both funnier people than I am. It's all downhill from here. That's how I've felt since we started, but that was an uphill. That was good. That was good for both of you guys.
Okay, that oil baron character that Andrew Driver played on SNL in that one sketch.
H.R. Pickens is the one who was grown into the dirt. Who is H.R. Pickens?
Pretty good driver voice, actually. You got his big mouth articulations.
It killed Wade. Oh, I wasn't prepared. Nobody's prepared for the small talk interlude.
In Germany or at port in the U.S. ?
I'm envisionationating, is what I call it. Something happened. Anyway, good small talk, Mark.
I mean, it was as funny this time as it was last time. So you got that going for you. But it's a port. It's built. So it is actually like sitting in a port somewhere, collecting salt, ruining the paint finish, corroding the electronic connections that will make it turn it into a lemon before it even arrives on American soil. Any day now.
Well, how long does it take to get across the Atlantic these days? Like two to four weeks. Well, but how long is it actually going to be on a boat where if the boat sinks, your car sinks to the bottom of the ocean? And that's about the funniest thing I could imagine happening. In perpetuity. It's like a week, right? The crossing? Like four or five days tops?
That's like longer than the Titanic would have took if it made it.
I'd say get that bad boy off that boat ASAP and just land ship it the rest of the way as soon as that's an option, because you just know that boat's going to sink in a hilarious way with Wade's car on it. 10 to 20 days.
oh thank god only one they're gonna drive past an iceberg and be like oh we're clear captain and the iceberg's just gonna be like and peel one container off the top and that's wade's car it reaches in grabs mine and then like beats it against its own head and throws it it peels it open it's like oh wade's car oh
Like a weird old Hanna-Barbera animation glacier just out in the middle of the real ocean.
And your car is actually sitting at BMW with a big thing on it that says, Gorge Barn. And you go in and you're like, that's my car, I ordered that. And you're like, nah, this is Gorge's car. You can't have Gorge's car. Until you show me a birth certificate with that name on it. We're keeping this right here.
y'all was sufficient to get it across i'm with you with you that's a german name don't you know you know the canadian german provinces canermany what part of genermany is canadian
That all should have happened a little while ago, but I'm going to allow it because that was really good small. That was even better than I imagined.
I've already blinked on all of them. Don't you feel bad about your microphone small talk? The subreddit specifically said, it was only one person, but I'm going to say it was the subreddit collectively said, your small talk where you talk about specific things that you really are interested in and know a lot about is,
is way more interesting than when Wade and I talk about our lives or any human family stupid bullshit. People are here for Mark's obsessive hyperfixations, and they're interested to learn all of the facts that he knows about these very niche but cool things that he likes.
That's kind of the vibe that I get from the subreddit. I'm not going to lie. I agree. Mark's on board. You heard it here first.
There's something about it that really... I've seen it once. I watched it on an airplane, and it was one of those where I was like, ugh, what's on here? And I just watched it literally because I was bored on an airplane. And I also remember huge chunks of that movie for no apparent reason.
I am the tibble. You can't have the tibble. I'm the tibble. Can I have the tracked?
Oh, man, he tried to spell on the podcast again. Wait a minute. Come on, Vork. Oh, no, no, no. I got it. I got it. All right. Back to the matter at hand. It's Wade's turn. Your first word is marathon. Your second word is a six and a four. Yep. Drone. That's a good one for selling. And then your final word is bloodlust. I know this one.
I'm with you. I got a little lost because I thought you were implying that having bloodlust meant that you needed a lot of extra gas-powered appliances in your home, but you just meant that getting gas requires seeing people. You can't be around people.
Yeah, Mark, that's a great different idea. Do you suffer from lust of blood?
You know what touch I appreciate the most? Just like with everything you do, you focused on the quality of the audio. I love that you pole started the drone and you gave it the old ding, ding, ding, ding. And then you were just like, and now I have to talk like this because there's a drone behind me.
Okay. Camera's got jokes out here. All right, Mark, you go first this time and you'll be excited because I think this is going to be our first word off the fantasy list. That is dagger. Oh, a good one. Oh, and we have a six, a seven, which means your next word is going to be robot. Oh, and then we have a seven and a six. What the fuck? What is this? All right.
Which means your next word is going to be meadow. Dagger robot meadow. Don't Google Japanese last names. You can do better.
It follows on so obviously. I've already pre-ordered that DLC, I'm pretty sure. You know what? I'm glad you didn't listen to me and you Googled the one thing you always Google, Mark. I appreciate the commitment. Wade, are you ready?
We'll have to catch our other commercial CPI. Other satisfied customers. What a good cameo, huh? I can't tell if I'm happy or sad that Drac Ulysses Luh came back. I have so many feelings about it. If the callback bonus point comes up, I have no fucking idea who's going to win.
I think that's why I have, I think, I think it was funny, but what you really brought me back to was the moment when that reveal happened the first time where I had such an absolutely like gut reaction to how much I was disappointed, but also shocked because it was funny. It's a very funny bit and I feel it feels mean. I can't just laugh at it, but it's too complicated.
Let's do one more, but let's do five words. Editors, if it's not funny, pretend the last one was the last one. Editors, if it's not funny, just edit their mouths so it looks like it's funny. Your first word is 6 and 11. Upload. And then 5 and 6. That will be Castle. And then 7 and 9. Which of course is...
rainforest and then two and 15 which we all know is investment and then four and one what's the first word on the fourth list i don't even know
casserole upload castle rainforest investment casserole who gets to go first i guess mark gets to go first because of the way i've timed this out that's generous of me no wade went second last time because ulysses la yeah wade gets to go first that's generous of me
Man, have I still not seen anything about that movie except those two words. I only understand that for some reason people destroy movie theaters. Did we talk about this?
Now I just wish casserole cafe was a real place. It is. Buy today. Is it?
think so also just to clarify completely is the technology that you're selling the ability to upload physical things onto a disc and then just like yes that's a hell of a technology that's quite the invention i had the idea then you threw casserole and i was like how the fuck do i add casserole to this i know act now those always give weird things i like it mark what japanese guy did you google this time
I don't know that we actually did, but... People go into the Minecraft movie and when something about when the chicken jockey scene happens, they just fucking throw their popcorn and erupt into an explosion of bullshit and just trash the entire theater just because fuck those minimum wage workers who have to clean that up later. I don't understand. I don't know what goes on.
Oh, it was so well done. That's such a good use of upload as a required word, too. I love it. Casserole? I misspoke.
The only people in my life who drink coffee are, like, my parents, because neither Mandy and I really do coffee. I really want to just drop that next time they're in town and we're hanging out. I'm like, hey, you guys had your thick cup loads yet today? Can I get you coffee? Dad? Mom? Cup load? In your face hole?
Sounds like a slogan, but it'd be like a Duncan slogan. Welcome to Duncan. Can we upload you a cup load? One quick click can get you a thick cup load. There you go, sir. Have a good day. Okay. God damn. There were so many just absolute gems in that one little thing. I can't. I'm still hung up on it. Sorry. I misspoke. Hung up in it.
In no particular order, let's go over what you earned points for before we get to the wheel spins.
Honestly, I feel like we didn't give him very much shit at all, we just laughed because he was already laughing, and that was, it's a comedy show, so I feel like that was just very successful. Maybe just not for the reasons Mark may have originally intended, but it was very funny.
Too bad I was on the moon. I actually use that in everyday life, literally in totally normal human situations. I don't always say it out loud, but I think regularly I'll just be like,
Too bad and I'm on the move I think of me and Amy you scary tape a lot so it was a scary Dave I use this carry tape oh my god see we did laugh, but it's because it was actually So funny we could not laugh also you suck at that you both earned points for being good followers Wade you earned points for questioning reality sucking up breakfast arena Ghostbusters bit I know this one!
I haven't seen it, so obviously I'm in the out group here. Great small talk, Mark. Thank you. Thank you very much. Wade, good luck. What happened to you in the last stretch of time?
Uh, direct Ulysses Luh coming back and the casserole cafe that I wish existed. Mark, you were in the good follower point. What in the fuck did I write?
I feel it every time I look at my notes. Oh, no. Invaginate.
Okay. Mark your points for invaginate. Jorking it. Nugget in a biscuit reference. Googling Japanese guys. Yes. Small talk interlude. Gas powered murder drone. What the fuck is above the air tree and thick cup loads? That leaves us with both of you having some number of points and it being time to speak. What's your addition?
Well, let's do this one first since I already have it open and then I will do my addition. Oh, please. Oh, boy. Oh, that's tough. All right. We're going to have one bonus thing. My addition to the bonus point will be... Thickest cup load? Most Dracula references? I didn't actually have one prepared for this.
Uh, I wanted to do something about the thing I wish actually existed the most from the episode, but that's a really fucking obscure thing to make as a bonus point.
Best million dollar idea? Alright, I like that. Please be good to me, wheel, cause you only get one spin. Yeah. Wow, it almost gave you the best million dollar idea, but actually it was dropped the most items. Oh. Did either of you actually drop anything this whole time? No. Mark's camera dropped focus. Why are you trying to give Mark points so hard?
Well, the one result was Wade gets half a point from the bonus wheel, and that's it, apparently. Underwhelming, am I right?
Let's say, Wade, for all the things I already listed out loud, you ended up earning eight and one half points. Yes. Which is either a very respectable number or not remotely enough. It's one and a half more than seven. That is factually true. Mark, for all that stuff I already listed, you earned seven.
nine points what's nine super nine yeah marker nine points i was trying to think of a way to make it suspenseful i figured you you think i was gonna say seven or something but i did when you went i was like oh oh well it didn't work perfectly marker nine points meaning that wade's half point bonus point was half a point too short to force me to spin the fucking wheel of torture so mark wins and i don't lose hooray
That was so nice. I would have given you half a points for that.
That would be a good wheel edition. Yeah, I'll definitely remember that. I was trying to make the joke to the Adam Driver sketch, but I can't remember the guy's... HR Pounder? CCH? HR Pounder. Anyway, congrats, Mark. You're going to host the next one. And congrats, Wade. I'm sure you'll win again someday. Make sure you follow the podcast.
That way you'll get notifications when an episode comes out. Make sure you follow us at our social medias. And I'm not going to say it because I realize, you know what, guys? After probably months of this happening, the editors just put it on screen. That means we don't have to tell the listeners what our handles are. They don't get to know. They can see it. Yeah, that's the thing.
If you want to know where to follow us personally, you gotta watch. You gotta earn it. So, take that. And that's it. Thanks so much for watching. Thanks for listening, I guess, technically. Mark's gonna host the next one. We're out of here. Podcast out.
It would work for Pulp Fiction because the Pulp Fiction starts with the radio. They're scanning the radio and you just, one of them is just the Star Wars theme and it just starts and you do the whole thing. And then it's like, and then it goes right into the, you don't have to change the movie. You just cut that in at the beginning.
yes no it's in the it's in the car right on the they're on the way to the guy who has the burger i believe you it's just also been like 20 years for me well now you're making me question my reality i'm gonna give you a point for that i think the quiet place should open that way
That would kind of work, though. It does the whole crawl into space. And then it slowly like pans down to the planet and zooms in. And right as it's zooming in and the strings are all...
and it like fades out and it's just quiet for the whole rest of everything this works with every movie this is a great idea thank you it was wade's but i'll take credit mark agrees it's such a good idea it's his now all right i mean who am i to argue with the host is mark the host now too well no you just said that it was his idea now so i said that he said that it's his idea well i agree with you i'm glad we can agree on something
I can't remember. Like you're so busy or like you don't get out of bed. I just can't remember those three days. You must exist.
what was the what was the noise what was the outside noise wait never figured it out how long did the noise go on you didn't like look out the window or something well it sounded like it was like construction like down the road or something's what it sounded like just just throw out there like and all night there was this horrible screeching outside of our window anyway no it was like a weird really noise far enough away where i knew it wasn't my problem but it was close enough where it was annoying
I've never had a dream where I've approached it from different ways like either you have the same nightmare or you have I don't know this was like thematic like back here again like Groundhog Day nightmare I've never had it like that sounds kind of like you're having nightmares about all the different ways your house is trying to kill you and destroy your life and all the different ways you've tried to fix it and not succeeded somehow oh mm-hmm analyzed well interesting small talk
Almost as interesting as Mark's small talk that he definitely said out loud and I didn't just make up in my head. Look, I did stuff. Oh, wow.
Whoa. It's actively currently three-dimensionally printing. Look at that. Is that a Prusa? It's the cheapest one that they sold on monoprice.com three years ago. It's an MP Select V3. The print area is almost four inches cubed. It means I can almost print something that's of a usable size. No, I am. I'm sort of just getting back into the hobby now, and I'm going to buy something new long term.
But I'm like, I might as well practice. I've got this little guy, and he says it was a bitch and a half to get him working. He sat for two years because he sat after we moved, and it does not automatically level its own bed. Yeah, do that shit by turning set screws. And God was that miserable. But it's very level now. And it's printing pretty well.
Also, originally I was using filament that I bought three years ago when I bought the thing. Turns out that's not good for filament. It was not in an airtight anything. It was just a roll of filament that's been kicking around my house and moved across the country. I think it had a little humidity and possibly bugs in it. And the printer didn't care for that. But anyway, you know.
3D printing stuff. It's fun. I'm like you, Mark. I make things, you know?
Ah, shit. Start taking them apart.
Hello and welcome back to every parakeet's favorite podcast that their owner puts on when they leave the house.
Just take one box and, like, hold it up like a box of cereal and, like, dump all of them out all at once. Probably a big box.
Just film yourself just doing that with nothing else. Be like, hey, Lexi, can you make the printers fall out and then bounce around and land in their spots where they are? It's so easy. Can you just, okay, for once?
As long as it's so big you can't tell exactly if it is or isn't a penis, we probably won't even get in trouble. Mark, you get a jorkin' it point. I miss our old Minecraft streams. Did we do that a lot in Minecraft? I guess we did make Smokey the Bear with a huge penis coming out of his black leather thong. You know how many times we tried to do penis cannons?
Oh, that was a thing we did a lot, wasn't it? And it only worked the last time when we cheated, because literally we had Zombie or whoever on the server just, like, make one that worked. And we showed up to it, and it worked. That poor man. We're just like, Zombie!
That's right, you're listening to Distractible. I'm your host, my name is Bob. I get to host because I won the last one. We have rules here. Well, that's kind of the one rule. If you win the episode, you host the next episode. And so on and so on in perpetuity until one of us dies or the universe comes to a complete heat death. We'll see which one comes first.
I cannot imagine why he ever agreed to let us come back or continue to participate in all of that bullshit. But he was a trooper, and we would have had nothing without him. I mean, we would have figured it out, but, you know. No. We're intelligent. We were drunk. Good at stuff when you're drunk.
Keep saying that. It sounds more true every time you say it vehemently. Is that what that means? I thought it was a thing mimes did.
One meaning of, I think, the teardrop tattoo is in some gang cultures or some specific cultures that you get one for each person you kill or something. At least that's what TV tells me. One for each movie that made me cry. Yeah, you should definitely get... Start getting those.
So remember last year, people got really mad when Degree changed their Cool Rush formula? One dude even started a petition? Guess what? Degree listened, admitted they messed up, and are bringing the original Cool Rush scent back.
The OG Degree Cool Rush is back. And it smells like victory for all of us. Anyway, do you guys want to play a game? Do you want to play a game? Oh, Sig... Sigjaw, is that... Sigsaw, is that you?
Well, I hope we find some interesting events and not just random boring points in history. Oh, we're coming up on our first location.
We get to, like, leave immediately after we've done whatever we're going to do, right?
And we're in New York City. hmm i'm gonna need already questioning this direction but i'm gonna try it i'm gonna need access to a lot of uh burner cell phones all right okay i think cell phones exist uh now so yeah it could be pay phones maybe i'm driving around town and looking for every payphone in existence who knows i have a plan as of tomorrow morning september 11th 2001
So it's like, it just, it's gross. Like there are moments where it's like, oh God, it's coming. But then it goes back to being in the teens and you're like, what? Well, fuck you. All right. Fuck all of this. And you go back inside and it's dead.
The World Trade Center Plaza will be completely empty of humanity. And it's going to sound questionable, what I have in mind, and we're going to really need to book it the hell out of here once I start doing this.
I am going to call in just as many bomb threats...
and and other things like things of that nature as possible all targeted all on that exact area of the city it's just gonna be absolute chaos it's gonna get to the point where they're gonna have to set up a perimeter a safety perimeter no one's gonna be allowed in those two buildings we're probably in surrounding buildings it's gonna be two empty structures
with barricades and police keeping any human from getting anywhere close to them until sometime in the evening on September 11th when they figure out these are all fake threats that someone phoned in as a prank.
That doesn't seem like a necessary detail at all.
an entire box of unopened Pokemon cards. Ooh, those are valuable back then.
yeah so that's a that's a vintage box of unopened original whatever series i don't know anything about pokemon cards but one of the expensive ones all right perfect just one uh you said one item i mean i'll grab as many as i can but i was thinking it had to be one thing yeah you got one pallet of boxes you can't carry that in it's not that big on the inside
You have no idea what I'm going to do with these Pokemon cards. Just because they're valuable doesn't mean I think I'm keeping them.
It doesn't seem to be... It kind of feels like we're just in a helicopter. I gotta be honest, it's less impressive than I would have guessed.
Isn't that a couple weeks later? post mount vesuvius eruption i don't think there was ever actually a date i am after a quick google i am seeing references to uh mid-august maybe around august 24th or 25th ah but that was before they shifted the calendar
That's a little excitement mixed into the idyllic winter tepidness.
I don't think there's a lot I can do for them. I don't speak the language unlike Wade. You haven't learned Pompish? And I don't think they're going to listen to me either way. And there aren't phones everywhere for me to call in more bomb threats because it's apparently my go-to. Yeah, yeah.
So what I do is I just go around and start carving a message into every place I can, because the city is made of stones and maybe some concrete, I forget. But it's all it's all carvable. You know, I just spend every second I've got carving the phrase, don't trust Nazis anymore. Into the walls of Pompeii. And I know what you're thinking. Different era. Confusing messaging. This is for the future.
This is a warning. And when our... Closer to our time we came from, when they start excavating and they start finding... They keep finding this message. It seems to be, for some reason, written in modern English.
and not at all congruous with what was happening in Pompeii at the time, and it just keeps saying the same thing, they're going to just have to assume that either a god or a time traveler or something, someone knows, and had to leave that message for a purpose. It's going to have an impact.
Oh, they'll definitely find it before the Nazi party exists in any meaningful way by a lot, like a hundred years, maybe hundreds of years, I would guess. Yeah, yeah. Wow. But like, they'll talk about that, right? All of the books about Pompeii will be like, and there was this crazy message. And then when it starts, when stuff starts happening, people will be like, wait a minute.
I mean, you gotta... You got a point. I'm just writing off Pompeii as a total loss. I don't think there's anything I can do for those guys.
And I don't go to the library, but I do pickpocket a wealthy-looking individual on the street as I'm heading back towards the time machine, and I get his little coin purse full of, I assume, doubloons? Is that correct?
Yeah. I just happen to know that something like 65 million years ago, almost roughly exactly, today maybe even... Maybe. ...is when the...
chick shulub impact happened that sounds devastating it was an asteroid estimated to be somewhere between 10 and 15 kilometers wide that struck the earth yeah you actually look up and you can see a second sun in the sky oh that seems bad i don't know how things are 65 million years ago but i'm gonna guess that's still bad Mm hmm. It is. So what do we got? We are at the Yucatan Peninsula.
Are any of them looking like they're going to like they're not interested in eating me like they're chill?
Hmm. Okay. I don't know their name. I'm going to say I see an ankylosaurus. Hmm. That's the dinosaur, if I'm remembering correctly. And also, I might Google this real quick. Ankylosaurus is like the tanky boy. He's like low-key. He's an herbivore. He's very defensive. He's like chill. He's kind of like the large dog of dinosaurs. Not derisive. They are not derisive dinosaurs. No. Supportive.
Yeah, so this is pretty big, but I think it'll fit.
So I rip some limbs off of some surrounding trees and vegetation and stuff, and I wave it in front of the Ankylosaurus's face, and I'm like, hey, ah, come on, hey, whoa, whoa, and I get his attention, and he sort of slowly is like, ah, I need some leaves, and comes over, and I lure the Ankylosaurus into the time machine, and then he lays down in the corner to take a nap.
All you got to do is paint your yard for the winter. You got lots of color.
I grabbed a couple of very safe-looking branches off of one plant, and then they were fine.
You grabbed as many different types of foliage as you could find. I grabbed one thing.
Yeah, we were never going to be able to help these dinosaurs.
Also, we're going to be like freaks of nature tall. I just want to throw that here. People in this time period, very short. I don't know if you've seen mummies. I have not.
i don't good yeah good what i do is before i head out i go and i start digging into my many many boxes of pokemon cards and i know it's potentially throwing away a lot of money but i need to find a meowth card I need to find a Meowth. And so I keep looking until I find a Meowth. It's a pretty common card. So I probably find that pretty quick. A few packs. I don't know.
What I'm going to do is I'm going to use that card as proof that I have been sent by their alien gods, the cats, to assume control of the empire. I go straight to the throne room. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And I seek a council with the great pharaoh? Uh-huh, uh-huh. It's a, you know, leader person. It's not called a throne there.
And I present the Meowth card, and in my broken Egyptian that I get to know because Mark said it, I explain to everyone in the room, and especially the guy in the fair chair, that that's actually me. That I have assumed a human form because I'm here on Earth, but I am actually this cartoon cat and their supreme...
In sand, that's going to be really unpleasant.
Okay. I turn into, what's that guy's name who hangs out with the King of Rohan in the Lord of the Rings movies? Tim Allen.
I turn into Tim Allen and I grab the forearm of the Pharaoh as it rests on the fair chair. I lean in and I say, you know, we really shouldn't have all these slaves. God says, let them go. God is me. I say, let them go. Eventually he gets it. Cause again, broken Egyptian language, but, uh, I get the message across.
Well, Wade's enjoying it. I'm not going to cut that off.
Is that open? I only, I know it was closed last time I was down there still.
Oh shit, I did. Wade said the word. Oh fuck. I did accidentally say the word. What does that mean? I don't know. Wade said the word, which means Wade triggered it. I have no idea what the last points you gave were.
He had just abolished slavery. That had just happened. So Wade is challenging that I did not succeed in eliminating slavery and freeing all the people.
It was two days, but that's fine. So three heads, and that's a success, and that is unfair, and it gets changed. Three tails, and that's a failure, and that is very fair, and it's doubly, made doubly fair, whatever Mark determines that to be. This is a confusing rule that we invented.
guy is tails because he has a tail head head bird tails yeah yours don't need explanation are we doing this yes ready here we go head head tails all right okay all right almost had that i don't know what would have happened if anything went wrong there
And if you wanted to get across the river on that side of downtown, you had to like go across.
When the Pharaoh died and they started doing what I was saying on my way out, I just sort of grabbed his outfit. He had the big staff thing and some jewelry and stuff. And I just sort of stripped him naked and took his outfit because he didn't need that anyway. Yeah, he was dead. He probably had like death clothes for the pyramid or something.
I brought him from the future. I unshipped my pants on that one and went back in because of time travel.
Bob? I go first? Yep. All right. I take my coin purse full of...
doubloons okay and i take that gold and i find a huntsman because this is definitely a point in history where there would be a huntsman somewhere and i offer him several pieces of gold and i say i need you to kill me a bear and bring it back here and the huntsman is like more gold and i'm like yeah whatever i give him a little bit more gold and he goes and kills me a bear and brings it back
Okay, so the bear is back. What I do is I'm using the... dagger that was apparently on the Pharaoh's hip from the previous stop. Okay. That's fair. I skin start skinning the bear and I peel it off.
And what I really do is I turn the bears front two legs into like a wearable cause play suit where like, if I put my arms in and there's like some strapping across the back and it's like, I have, I have a,
bare arms and i go back to where the time machine was to that nice building and i just strip off the rest of my clothes and i just start running around scaring people i don't do anything other than scare them i don't hurt anyone i start running around i force my way into the building start talking to all these guys in powdered wigs and stuff and the whole time i'm just screaming
And I'm just like, screaming at everyone because I read that I have a right to bear arms and I'm just running around screaming at anyone who will listen. And it's terrifying and confusing. And I hear some of the guys as I'm running away, mumble to each other like, you know, we don't really talk that one out very much, but that is confusing, isn't it?
That's some loose language we put in that Second Amendment, huh? And then I think they say something about going back to the drawing board and maybe rephrasing some of the stuff they'd been working on. No idea what they're doing. I just keep sprinting around with my bloody bear arms strapped onto my smaller human arms.
And once I'm out of energy and I've scared as many people as humanly possible, I just grab like a kite with a key tied to the string and get the hell back in the time machine.
It was planting seeds. Okay, listen. Yeah, this is the beginnings.
Yeah, yeah. July 3rd. It's fine. Don't think about it too much.
All right, well, I can kind of see why Ben's probably such a dick, I guess. Everyone's just taking all his stuff all the time.
I was just reflecting on my actions. Am I the reason the Second Amendment exists? Is that what you're going to land on, Mark?
If the actions that we decided to take actually did happen, how many extra points do we get? Is that bonus points?
But honest to God, it's been the exact same concern. I lived on 75. I lived at where you live there to the forum, right? It's right over 75 there. It's the exact same construction somehow since I came to Cincinnati in 2007.
That wasn't quite what I was hoping for, I guess.
I can't see a way that that's going to go wrong.
It weighs like four or five tons or something, so hopefully next to me.
I don't know. I'll take it. You know what? We loved each other.
I feel like that explains why there are historical pictures with you in them.
What if we're just priming the masses to understand the nature of our true existence?
that it was you oh yeah you yeah you started with it's a fucking thing it's a fucking thing i say it much after that you were oh yeah yeah absolutely egypt you were all over yeah actually i'm not a hundred percent sure but i'm pretty sure that would be you win i'll take it i'll take the credit for the fucking that's a good one for like long term though because that that definitely comes up here's the wheel are you prepared yes i think so yes spin number one
I don't know why I just feel like this is Wade, but I'm trying to remember the moment that I'm thinking of.
Why is it so loud this time? Ow. Wait, it was loud that time? It was so loud that time. I didn't change anything.
Yeah, we didn't discuss this ahead of time.
Well, remove... Yeah, no doubles. That's not terribly likely that that happened, but... God, the wheel's so loud. I'm sorry. I don't know how to mute that.
Really? Oh, I was assuming Wade and I are basically the same height.
We both describe ourselves as like 6'4", right?
i can reach all the way up there we can re-roll again if you want like i don't mind no i think i think that's definitive well that just means it ends in a tie right no it doesn't end in a tie if i oh no wait wait shortest the shortest gets the fuck yeah yeah see yeah unfair
oh too late we've been too late no he's allowed i think you get one each right isn't it one per episode i guess i was assuming it was one each but i don't think we were that specific about it well the danger of it is because if you call out someone for saying unfair does that use up yours man that rule is really obscure it does say once per episode you may declare unfairness by saying the word unfair out loud
But I think we meant it as each of the competitors. I mean, Mark is the host. Mark gets to be the interpreter of this.
Uh, yeah. Uh, you know... I gotta be honest, I kind of gave up on this one. I think I could have done better. I think if I knew more history, I could have done a little bit better. And I was even looking stuff up and I still, you know what? It's my own fault for being such a stupid piece of shit, really.
If you look around the world, outside the U.S., anywhere else in the world, and you look at the direction transportation is going, trains are out. They are awful. Nobody else uses trains. Nobody else. No other countries have all their major cities connected by trains. Major train corridors connecting cities from different countries to each other in a big network. That's the past. Okay.
I should have just followed my most base carnal instincts and I would have had much more of an impact on the world than I ended up having. And that's just what you get. You think you're clever? You're not. I don't mean you. I mean me. I'm talking to me. This loser speech is targeted at myself. Anyway, I deserve this. I deserve this. I earned it. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life.
Oh, I thought you were saying that to us. You were just threatening everyone in general.
In what way are you covered for ground on that? Will you take the horse and leave the boat?
I think you're talking specifically about land horses. When I hear horses, I think of the kind that live in the ocean.
Seahorse, land horse, Pegasus, we all know it.
I mostly saw people talking about BDSM and being very concerned and confused about it. And then I saw some people who were like, oh, good for Mark.
The casualness that their subreddit started just talking about that, I mean, like, that's the first thing I thought of. I was like, oh, different circles, huh?
It's a specific subset of the fan base, and it's the kind of person that goes on Reddit. So maybe that says more than anything else.
Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, Wade doesn't actually look at the subreddit ever, so he doesn't know.
Or not forged, cast, I guess, but whatever.
Eh, dust sounds substantially more dangerous than CNC.
Obviously. No, I wasn't even implying that you need a permit.
when your when your liquid cooling loop on your server rack explodes and coolant goes everywhere the worst thing that could happen is frying a couple uh cpu or things or whatever but slay when your crucible filled with molten aluminum explodes it's probably less funny sla maybe it's just as funny i don't know that's probably fine you know i think that if i just add some glabra salt to it it'll be 100 perfect
This is a thing I've been super ignorant about that is not new, but I think it's really interesting. And so I want to talk about it since we're talking about Mark making stuff and killing himself eventually with molten metal. Guys. Have you checked out your local libraries recently? Because that is not what I thought a library was. My local library is cool as shit.
So there's a little branch I've been going to that's just books and tiny little thing. And it's very nice and convenient because it's close. But I went to like a big branch, which was only 15 minutes away, only a little bit further. They have a makerspace where you can have access online. to CNC laser cutting, 3D printing services, large format printers.
Literally, like you can make appointments and be like, I want to make this thing and I have a 3D plan or I want to make this thing and they'll help you make like a 3D plan of it or whatever in SketchUp or something. It's cool as shit. I just want to throw this out there. If you haven't checked out your local libraries, you should do it because they're doing some crazy shit over there.
It's not just books. DVDs. They have DVDs. They have video games. They have podcast kits you can borrow, which is literally like a Zoom recorder and a couple of mics and a couple of headphones. And you just like in a briefcase and you take it and go and record something. Our library is great. I was like, I just need to send a fax. So you guys have a fax machine.
Subject is an ominous word, but hi. Hello. Hello. Congratulations. You earned this.
And then I just wandered around for half an hour because I was like, holy fuck.
There's all kinds of stuff at the library.
Vote yes on your levy. I know for a fact on the next thing we get to vote on here on our local stuff, there's a levy coming up. And I was going to vote yes anyway, because generally I'm like public schools, libraries. I like these things. But now I'm even more motivated. I want to get more people to vote yes, because the library is doing some crazy awesome stuff.
They didn't have to undo anything. That's just the nature of what's it called? Ballot initiatives in Ohio is definitely what those were, which is just the voters telling elected officials like, yeah, we want this. They don't have to do shit. Our state government is designed in a highly questionable way.
I was shocked when that came out and I looked into it and I was like, oh, well, aside from it being completely insane, they actually totally can do that. They can just ignore the fact that we passed a ballot initiative saying that we wanted to try and reproduce the lights in the Constitution or legalize marijuana or... Well, they can just look at me like, nah, you guys are stupid, even though...
We're in the middle of the Ohio weather that just makes you feel awful all the time because it was like there were like two days last week where it was like 65 and sunny and we went outside for the first time in a couple months and it was like, oh. I wish I wore shorts. And then it was in the teens again over the weekend and raining. And it's like warm-ish today, but it's raining.
fact they actually don't have to listen to that either to see the see the final count on the vote and they're like i don't know i don't want to do that guys shouldn't that mean that you could just walk into the state house and be like i'm a legislator at demand a desk and what are they gonna do not listen to you because you're just doing you're just doing what you want they respect the confidence honestly they'll respect the confidence
He's like, whoa, look, an apple. I don't even need to close my eyes.
He was like, fuck it. Let's see how high we can raise this bad boy.
Oh no, are you going to cry? Oh no. Oh yeah, I'm sad.
I think it's just magnetic. There's instructions on here!
I'm not joking. I did not know this was in here.
Oh, wow. There it is. There it is. It's the instructions.
Yeah, that did, because it was tucked away inside it, and these just magnetically... Oh my god.
I'm not hearing a no. There's a... Huh? You all right? Chlorophyll? That's the powerhouse of the cell. Wait, what the fuck? All right, so if you go on Wikipedia to Chlorophyllia, it says at the top, quote, Clussie redirects here for the village in Poland. See, Clussie.
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, bureaucratic Bob sleuths a screen situation, then forces his friends to guess the worth of the worthless. Wanking Wade, louse penthouse, has power problems, but knows his toast. Marvelling Mark has heat-related performance issues, then snaps up a scrutum strap, scarlet snot, and a ridden rubber.
From porking pigs to Annie's huge helmet. It's time for The Cost is Correct. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
A short, but not bad. All right, Bob, you're going to go first. All right. You find yourself in some tight, enclosed space as your consciousness awakens. You're cramped. You're trapped.
You need to be free, so you poke with your tiny little sort of beak out, and then you put your flippers all kind of... There's a bright light behind you, and then there's kind of a moon-shaped thing over where you kind of hear a little bit of water. Also, birds are around, and everything is terrible, and there's cars rushing by on the road that just so happens to be nearby.
You are a baby sea turtle that just hatched, and you gotta get to the ocean. Everything.
is killing you the light the road the cars the predators everything is out to get you how would you win am i fully out of the egg or am i just erupting from the egg let's say you're half out your your upper half is out because obviously the first step is get myself fully out of the egg get all the egg goop off of me and aim towards the water sound okay all right you try that that's a plus one for sure
And now I'm completely unsure if this idea is going to work at all. But hey, that's a problem for future me. In about 15 minutes, I'm either going to have something or not have something. But in that interim, might be the only valuable part of this episode. So we're going to make it a good one. What episode? This is the name of the episode. Hey, man, I am brimming with confidence.
nope you get 13 plus one is 14 you get swooped up by a seagull instantly dead all right wait i open my eyes i see the light i get myself the rest of the way out of the egg i hear the water i start to go that way and i realize i need to stealth i dip my head back in the egg get a little bit of goop to put some stealth paint on my face and then i make my way in sure plus one i'll take it
Did that work? Nope. 12 plus 2, 14. The time you took to put it on your face, another seagull just swooped up right behind you. Man, if only we were old enough to have established brains. Nope. Bob. I erupt out of the egg. I take my time. I get myself all out of the egg. I hear the ocean sounds, and I look that way, and I start walking, and I realize I need to be disguised.
So I go back to my egg, and I camouflage my face with egg. goop for some reason and i realize going towards the water is what they want me to do So I go the opposite direction from where I hear the ocean noises as fast as I can. I don't know if that's been in my science class. I've learned that that might be bad, but I like where you're going with it. I'm a maverick.
All the other sea turtles are sprinting towards the ocean and they're still dying. Clearly. I'll give you a plus one on that. I'll give you, I'll give it to you. Did it work?
plus three that's not great here's a five it turns out going the wrong way not great dead uh crushed by a car instantly smooshed uh wade i hatch out of the egg i am alive and i hear the water so i start making my way toward it before i realize i should probably have a disguise dunk my face back in the egg to stealth up and i think to myself all the other idiots are going that way what if i think outside the shell
i turn around i start going the other way and i find this weird stinky white kind of gray pile and i flip over and roll in it thinking if i cover myself in bird shit no one will want to eat me my face is covered in goop my shell's covered in shit i will survive all right i'll give it to you plus four Ooh, 14 plus four is 18. Close, but not quite. A lot of delaying does not seem to be helping you.
Delaying what? I'm already going the wrong way, man. All right, fair enough. Bob. I am born. I come out of the egg. I get all the shell off of me. I start towards the water sound. I realize I need a disguise. I go back to the egg. I dip my face in the egg. I get the disguise. I decide I'm going to be a maverick. Everyone else is going towards the water. I go away from the water.
I come across a mysterious pile of white stuff. I suddenly realize it's bird shit. Obviously, I need to roll around in that. So I do. My shell is now very, very slippery. I look to my right and there is a steep hill down into a small stream of rushing water. It's a, it's a, it's an estuary connecting the inland oceanic waters to the beach, all the rushing out towards the ocean.
And I just, and I try and like slide down the hill into the water to escape. All right. Yeah. Plus one. I'll give that to you. Did it work?
18 plus 5 23 the estuary what is that I don't think estuary is the right word no you're absolutely right a partially enclosed body of water where rivers meet the ocean mixing fresh water with salt water oh alright Bob is a maverick turtle congratulations Bob you made it into the ocean there's more threats in the ocean but you made it to the ocean No, I'm fine. Once you're in the ocean, safe.
Nah, I'd win. Nah, I'd live. All right. Wade, you're feeling a little something. A little something something. A little something something something. You look across the leaf. You're on. And you see the most beautiful lady praying mantis you've ever seen in your life.
And you know who else is brimming with confidence? These two gentlemen right here. Bob and Wade. Hey, how's it going? Yeah, what's up? How's it going? I'm already having a good time. I love this. This is a great episode, Mark. Thank you. I'm just so sorry that the viewers, the listeners have had to miss out on watching Mark's creative process.
you my friend are getting lucky tonight nothing bad ever happens to a praying mantis when that happens except it bites your head off for those who don't know when male praying mantises mate with the female they then get their head eaten by the female but not you wait how would you win in this scenario i show up to my date with this female praying mantis and i am ready to go
I, uh, broke my neck, so I'm wearing a nice little wooden neck brace, so that way when we get done, the only thing I have on is exactly the protection I need. Uh-huh. God, I hope that's a nat 20. I love the prep time. I really like it. That's great. All right. Did it work? Fucking hell! Holy shit! What the fuck? What?
what the fuck no what the fuck great scenario mark holy shit all right wade got a nat 20 if people didn't uh guess from that holy shit hey praying mantis is out there all you gotta do is fake a neck injury you'll stick around longer wow the wooden condom really uh really did you right hey protection is always the answer everyone Bob, you didn't even get a chance to get laid.
Uh, that... Well, that means I survived. I don't know. That's true. Man, I'm burning through my scenarios. Alright, so, here we go. It's okay, Will. I need to catch one good one for it to take the entire rest of the episode. Alright, Bob. It's night. It's dark. Can't see a thing. You're just minding your own business. Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. What is that?
There's some kind of weird bright blue light over there. It's so captivating. And it's got this weird buzz to it, but that just makes it more appealing. You being a moth. It's only until you get close enough that you realize you're on a collision course with a bug zapper. Now, in this scenario, not only are you... You can't just fly away.
You gotta stop this bug zapper so that none of them, none of your people... ever because as you get closer you witness one after another after another of your friends family brothers sisters even some people that you work out of the same moth office with that you don't really like they get burnt to a crisp right before your eyes you need to stop this it's up to you and you alone Okay. I'm a moth.
I see the bug zapper. I'm drawn to it. I'm on a collision course with it in a last ditch effort to break the trance it has over me and save myself so I can continue to fight this fight. I wrap my wings around myself and hug my ass goodbye. But in doing so, I cover my own eyes and break the trance the thing the blue light has over me.
all right that's good that's good i'll give you a point for that all right did it work 24 oh come on you aerodynamically fold your wings in so that you actually increase your speed and you kind of like meteor straight into the like right between the wires straight into the actual light itself the the most electrified area at least it's quick
This will be the first time we do a cold open for a distractible episode. Yeah, maybe. Four minutes of thinking. If you didn't know, this is how I come up with all the plot points to heist in space. It is just me going... Trying to work it through. Well, you start off by beating yourself repeatedly on the head, and then came the... It's all going very good over here at Distractible HQ.
uh no luck there wade the light it's so beautiful i can't look away i fly toward the bug zapper then at the last possible moment i realize i need to cover my eyes i fold my wings and over myself and begin to plummet i plummet and plummet and plummet and then oh no i'm gonna split oh i'm fine because i'm so light i didn't do anything useful there i just fell
All right, no points for that, but yeah, you're right. Was that helpful? No. I just really wanted to land, you know? Come on, Twink! You land, the bug zapper explodes for no apparent reason. Scenario over.
ah so close there it's an 11 damn it plus one because you didn't get a bonus point put you at 12 i can't believe hitting the ground wasn't a bonus uh turns out the bug zapper it detached at that moment crashed down right on top of you the odds Bob, it falling is not in your reality. That's just for his reality. Okay, no, I got it, I got it, I got it.
I am flap, flap, flapping, and oh, the blue light is so beautiful, and I start flying towards it. At the last moment, I realize I need to close my eyes.
I need to break the line of sight, and I wrap my wings around myself, and I just barely miss the bottom edge of the bug zapper, and I plummet, and I plummet, and then I realize, oh, fuck, I'm falling, and I put and land delicately, and I've landed delicately. on the fly rink of Gary, the night watchman, who sits beneath the bug zapper. It's there to protect him from bugs.
dude i get to keep going this is a kind of a long step i just realized i have a couple more things i was hoping to accomplish i don't want to i don't want to overdo it i don't know i wanted to accomplish more than fallen too man i have gotten his attention all right cool he knows i'm there that's fair all right i think this could work in your favor i'm going to give you one because i think i know where this is going so there's two points right now
Oh, 17. Oh, so close. If only I'd earned a point for you. Yeah, imagine if you'd done anything at all.
aside from describing what i did in slightly more detail i think it's a strategy he's really playing the the smart game the third episode we know how to really play it but no that did not work but you did grab his attention he ended up just yeah i was afraid of that did you fly to his head or did you land on his head i that's the thing we landed on after plummeting okay All right, wait.
I can't help myself until the last possible second. I close my wings around my face, blocking the light. And I fall, I fall, I plummet until I land on the fly rink of one Gary. Gary, feeling something on his head, immediately goes to reach up and swat at it. But I'm right below the bug zapper. What if he hits it? What if he knocks it off? What if? What if? What are you doing about it?
Watching Gary swing? Not actually technically doing anything. Fuck! Man, Wade really likes not doing anything this round. I'm rubbing his head to add extra itchiness. Wade's entire action can be described as... Very moth-like.
If that fucking works... not it did not work 14 plus 2 16 again he notices his hand as you watch it you're like oh wow he might hit it wow that's getting closer huh that's really bob i'll do better i got this man i'm gonna lock it it's not a bit or a strategy you're doing on purpose it's very impressive Thank you. I'm locking it. I'm locking it. Alright, he's locked in. Alright, Bob.
Alright, I'm mothing around. Oh, the light is so beautiful. I fly straight towards it until the last possible moment when I cover my eyes with my wings and I start to dive. And I just missed the bug zapper and I dive straight down, landing on the fly rink of one Gary. Gary notices me land on his fly rink and I do something. I'll tell you what in a second.
Gary starts to swat at me and I do that thing that moths do where I start flying, but I start flying right into his forehead in the same spot repeatedly, even though I could clearly fly in any other direction. But my goal is to get him to start swatting wildly and hope that he knocks off the bug zapper and destroys it. And I did something that time. All right, this is great.
But how good is it? These gentlemen are going to tell me. How good is your lives going today? Guys, my woodworking journey... That was a bad whistle, but it's going well. Better than that whistle implies. I have legs of a... I'm building a table for James. Did you guys ever covet when you were kids like those train activity tables where you built the little wood, where you would train on it?
You're dodging, you're weaving multiple slaps. Let's see if that goes well for you. Get a bonus point. It's plus three now.
Oh, God. Wait, wait. No, that's good. Yeah, plus three. Yeah, you did it. Yes. Congratulations, Bob. You actually did something. Doing something works. And by doing something, he flailed twice, three times, and on the fourth, his hand connects with the bug zapper. He gets electrocuted right as you just so happen to leap off of his forehead, so you don't also get it. You see his skeleton light up.
My family! My kids! No! But then, boom! Him and the whole thing just explode. Your moth brethren saved forever. I fly away like the guy from CSI Miami, and I don't even look back at the cool explosion. That's incredible. And then they play that Who song.
I see. I see. Don't copyright strike that. I know it's really good. I really want to say I want to thank Bob for doing anything. Carrying a little bit that round. My contributions, I think, aided in your creativity. You're welcome. Sure. But my actions, I think, speak for themselves. We'll see how this next round goes for you. I'm curious and excited. Nat 20. Okay, Wade.
Once again, we're visiting Bugland. All right. Channel your inner bug. I was a great mantis. Great mantis. We have done a fly matchup before. You are actually the same fly that killed that frog. The fly who lived. Got a little lightning bolt. Oh, yeah, that's true. You got a lightning bolt. Remember that detail. It's very important. All right.
You're actually distant cousins with the moth who lived also. So legends, you know, a lineage of legends here. And on your victory lap, you notice, oh. There's such a sweet, delectable scent in the air. Hmm. It's down there from that plant. It's so open and ready for me. And it smells so succulent and sweet. You deserve a tasty, delicious treat while you are doing your victory lap. You land on it.
So you're already on it when you realize you're in a Venus flytrap. Quite the scenario I'm in. I am the fly who lived. I have the scar on my forehead to show it. My cousin moth has tried to one-up me, but I know that the legend of me will be larger than any moth. So I knew what I was flying toward. I knew what was in this area, the Venus flytrap. I flew down. I landed on it.
Don't worry, there's an action coming. This is why I set up the scenario so you didn't have to say it again. But it's part of it, alright.
Uh-huh. The fly lift. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut off on your very extensive speech. Go on. I land on the Venus flytrap, but I've got my fly boots on, so I can get up. Huh? What? I have my fly boots on. I slip them off and get ready. Like you land and your boots stick and you slip your feet out of your boots and the boots stay behind. Because this wasn't a trap for me. This was a trap for it.
What, do the boots have explosives in them? How is that a trap? I don't know, that's up to you, man. I took the boots off. Oh, okay. All right, here we go. I'll give you one, sure. There's no way. No. I swear to fucking God, Wade. No! What in the fuck is wrong? I mean, Bob, you're saved from having to recite all that bullshit. How in the world? How? How in the fuck? How in the fuck?
I'm building one for James. And I have almost all of my wood milled down and cut down to size, and I got pocket holes. I'm doing pocket holes, guys. I got a pocket hole jig, so I drilled a bunch of pocket holes. All I need now is plywood, but I don't have a car that you can fit sheets of plywood in, because I don't have a cool truck like Mark does.
I want to tell you, I play D&D every Wednesday on Lost Initiative. I have never had more than two 20s in a session, I don't think. Three out of like five scenarios? My character's going to die next session because of this luck today. I don't know, man. Oh, the setup. I like these scenarios, man. I don't want to win like this. I want Bob to do my monologue.
Well, he was the fly who lived, so I guess, you know. All right, sure. He died to my boots?
choked on your boots and died i guess your objective wasn't to kill the plant it was just to survive no i wanted to kill the plant i was with you wade i was also working on a way to kill the plant that would have been fine i would accept it would love to see that one all right fine whatever i didn't roll the dice man maybe roll worse on my behalf asshole i have one more i have one more i have a strategy wade i think it's gonna keep us in this one for a while
I'm gonna do stuff. Good. And monologue less. Okay. All right. Okay. Uh, Bob, you're Bob. Okay. Just Bob. Bob is out on the top of a hill in the middle of a park. Lovely, beautiful day. Sun is shining. Birds are mysteriously silent. There's a strange air rushing kind of down. That's odd. It's getting brighter too. That's even stranger.
So I have to go somewhere and trust the people who work at the store to cut my plywood down to size for me, which is not a thing I really trust them to do, but I'm sure it'll be fine. But then once I have that table, I also have some little cutoffs of hardwood I'm going to make. Get this.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
napkin holder i like napkins i use them when i make the napkin holder i can bring it here and show it on camera it's like the restaurant ones where you have napkins on both sides or is it fancy so you only pull napkins from one side or it's not a dispenser it's like a it's like a holder you just set napkins that makes more sense it's not like an industrial restaurant thing it's like a home thing so i was picturing that i was like how do you make that out of wood but a holder makes more sense because that yeah it's like everything yeah bye mike
I just barely touched it. Apparently that's a little loose on my mic holder. It just straight up died. But a gunshot sounded at it. Anyway. I forgot to mention this last episode, but by the time these two episodes come out, my birthday will have passed.
happy birthday yeah thank you i don't want to date the episode too much but it's not quite my birthday just close technically we'll be together at least one more time before then but like by the time this episode comes out it's still pretty fresh so yeah getting older we should do is that our episode and getting older probably that's why mark was so stressed about it i don't know okay do you guys have this thing where like i don't know if you care about your birthdays not at all
It's going to get close. I didn't choke. I just have a really weak gag reflex. It just got me a little bit. Tickled the roof of my mouth. I'm fine. Gotcha. All right, Wade. I'm on a hill. I'm wearing my dark sunglasses. I look up. Black hole! No, wait. Swap sunglasses. Ah, meteor. Meteor!
i say a little prayer i strip down buck naked bend over aim my ass at the sun knowing at least this will get some good back flat butthole sunning is the phrase i start eating my beans and then i realize oh mark's the prepper this is a burger call call mark hey meteor watch it mark watches completely messes i'm still eating beans i let one rip now just a little poo comes out
he flies up in the in the struttle gets out with the chainsaw and is gonna chainsaw it in half right is that the idea okay okay cool i didn't hear a thing from shuttle to chainsaw but all right no i was with him i got i got that one i got that one i'll give you one we're at plus five please six fuck eleven Back to you in the studio, Bob. All right. I'm on the hill. Dark sunglasses. Meteor.
Oh my God, how did I just get spit on my glasses? What is happening?
I'm giving him a plus one because he's right up against it. It's got to do something, right? Right in the chainsaw hole. And I've eaten so many beans at that point. We really have.
No, not like this. It's a 13. You're at plus six. No! I gotta go back to the peanut butter now. You don't have to do it. You can stop doing the bit. You did it, yo, so I can't.
wait as fast as you possibly can wait as fast as you possibly can shorten it shorten it condense let's go i'm on the hill wearing the dark sunglasses black hole no switch sunglasses it's light oh a meteor so i grab my beans oh no i say a prayer i strip down assume the position i'm not eating my beans
I don't really care about my birthday, but everyone makes such a big deal about birthdays. My family is all like, well, you got to do something. What do you want? What do you want for your birthday? It's like nothing. We could do a meal or something, I guess. No, no. You have to open a present on your birthday. You have to have dinner on your birthday. You have to do this on your birthday.
more comes through this sounds fake i rolled it it was a 13 before it rolled and did a 13 again and with plus seven you do it i found it i launched my prepper missile i blasted out of the sky you jumped and the beans finally kicked in you farted to slow your descent back to earth you lived All right, that's it. It's done. I'm going to give you the meteor point, but holy shit, I almost died.
You almost died. We almost died. Bob, what were you putting in your mouth this whole time? I have sugar-free Jolly Ranchers. I had a whole bag of them. I ended up putting... All of these into my mouth all at once at the last one there. But you spat them out as soon as they were in the wrapper. Yeah, I kept putting them in and spitting them out, except for I have one in.
But now they're all just wet. I hate mine. Yeah, I wouldn't have done that. All right, well done, guys. We got what we asked for, which is that last one lasted longer than all the other ones combined, I think.
This is truly one where the listeners win, because if you watched Bob and I with all that shit spewing out of our mouths, it wasn't pleasant. All right, I'm going to add on to the wheel. I think drooled the most is a great addition to the wheel. I did drool. Did you drool a lot, Wade? No, I think you drooled more. I spat out more chunks of food. Yeah, but they were dry. See if it comes up.
The amount of cookie and peanut butter absorbing my saliva, my mouth felt like the Sahara, man.
i do think you definitely ate more than i did so you got that going for you because i am actually i only actually ate one of these the rest of them are just sitting on my desk in a wet pile yeah if it lands on drool i'll give that to you because you had all the wrappers and like saliva inducing candy that's the most damage i've done to my microphone in a single activity in a long time i'm gonna be finding chunks of thin mint and do-si-do wherever the hell these things are called for weeks to come
I think it'll be worth it. Wade, I'll read your points first. You got a birthday point. Happy birthday. Thank you. You won the ant thing by infecting everyone. You wore a wooden condom to save yourself from being eaten by your mate. Both of those nat 20s. You got the fly who lived. Again, nat 20 king here. I give you a point for it's very dark. It's very bright. AJ Frost...
And then the meteor point. Bob, you worked your wood. I wrote this down as Wilhelm Mike, because I just imagined as it fell, it did the Wilhelm scream. Post-Oth, Maverick Turtle, Legendary Moth, Slayer of the... Slayer... What the fuck? Slayer of the Zorboden Land. Forgotten Land? Forbidden Lamp! Slayer of the Forbidden Lamp. That was it. You got a point for it. Launch it! You got a point for it.
Is that a black hole? That made me laugh really hard. Okay. Three-sided die for how many spins of the wheel? Just... one that does not look would look very good for me at all i think wade has a commanding lead nope actually it is tied seven to seven i'll be saved from myself bob can you pull up the the wheel and oh that's right that's my job spin it once this once
said fuck the most oh no i have no idea no i don't either oh that's tough we both said it some yeah mark you're the ruler on this it's either i would say either respin or if you have a guess as to who said it the most because i i genuinely do not know i have no idea I've been choking on Cookie for so long, I don't remember what happened prior.
I feel like this game in particular is difficult to call this one because you have to repeat what the others said. We said a lot of the same stuff. Yeah, exactly. I feel like we should re-spin just because this would come down to a coin toss. And that's not what this is about. This is about earning those points. This is about fairness. Yeah.
No. No. Well, if you're the tallest. Yeah, we decided that between me and Wade, Wade is the shortest, right? Yeah, by like a fraction of an inch. I still feel like that's not like we're basically the same height, but we did decide that previously, I guess. I do agree we're basically the same height, but... But... Post discretion.
With that, and Wade being fractionally shorter but still freakishly tall, Wade with eight points and the most nat 20s of anything I've ever seen is the winner! Thank you. Speech time? Bob, talk about your loss first. I feel like I worked really hard today.
I feel like Wade spent a lot of time actually doing nothing, actually contributing nothing, and somehow still was rewarded repeatedly for those decisions. But you know what? We built this constitutional republic to be fair and just. And I am in no position to say it is anything but. So fair is fair. Good job, Wade. All right, Wade, winner's speech. It was a good episode.
It was a very fair and fun episode. The dice spoke. The dice said what deserved to be. And I would argue that of all the inaction everyone's claiming I did, inaction in and of itself is an action. Choosing to do nothing is still choosing to do. But it was fun. I don't think I'll ever have that much luck with 20s again, but I hope I do. Because that was funny and wild and crazy.
And also, if you're ever going to escalate a bit, don't escalate one where you're putting something in you. Probably in any orifice. All right, you heard it here first. Take that trolley problem. Doing nothing, still doing something. He answered it forever. Thank you, everybody, so much for listening in or watching this episode. Hope you enjoyed it. I sure did.
At points there, I couldn't even breathe. So well done, guys. Thank you for taking my experimental idea that didn't come through and, man, knocking it out of the park. Be sure to follow the podcast for more of this. Let me know what you thought of this episode on the subreddit. Reddit.com slash r slash distractible. One of the highest podcast subreddits out there. I think. Probably. Top 50.
It's top 1% by size, but who the hell knows what that actually means. Size matters. Size does matter. So go check it out. Merch never. Stop asking. Follow these guys. Minion777, My Scream, Markiplier. Podcast out.
Well, happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. I'm like, it's not really that big of a deal, but I made my small talk about my birthday, therefore contradicting myself. You just make sure that everyone knows that that's coming just so that nobody forgets. Yeah, yeah. Don't forget it, but don't make a big thing about it, but I don't want you to not think of me. I'll send you flowers. It'll be low-key.
As long as it's not Thor flowers. What flowers? Because you're sending them low-key. Marvel jokes, are those still relevant? Yeah. Not to me. Okay. All right. Well, I didn't give a point for it, but I thought it was at least a little bit relevant. Not that relevant. Yeah, not that relevant. Anything else? Lexi's doing okay, but she has an infection.
Are those scarier right now than usual, or is it probably fine?
it's not she doesn't have any immunocompromised issues or anything it's just her incision has a infection which is tough on dogs because we've had like the donut on so she can't lick it and stuff but she's doing okay but it's fucking annoying because i can't get them to give me her goddamn medicine they prescribed her antibiotics but they sent it to just like to cvs which i don't know why it never occurred to me but the vet was like do you want us to send it to a pharmacy near you guys and i was like i don't know if we have any veterinary pharmacies and they're like
I just a CVS or whatever. Like it's the, I was like, you can do that. Oh my God. But it turns out CVS doesn't give a fuck about dogs. So it's been two straight days of me trying to get her medicine and failing so far, but I should have it tomorrow. You show up for the medicine. They're like, you don't look like Lexi. Are you sure you're Lexi? Yeah.
Well, that was a whole part of the thing is they sent the info in this and the pharmacy was like, we don't know this person. Cause they sent it for Lexi my skins. And I was like, it's a dog. That's my dog. And they were like, a dog? No, we have a prescription for a child named Lexi My Skins. Is that? No, it's a dog. It's my dog.
This is why I thought it wouldn't come here because it's confusing for you people. Anyway, American health care sucks even when it's for dogs. So. I laugh, but inside I cry. I don't even want to talk about it, but I'm still in the throes of my... I talked about I need a prior authorization for my diabetes treatments. Still not settled.
I have about two weeks supply right now of what I need, and I'm not sure where my next ones are coming from because I have a prior authorization, but somehow that's not enough. You need a poster authorization as well. Prior auth, a during auth, and a post auth. You actually need to get the post authorization from a coroner.
But you have to know which coroner is going to intake your dead body when you die. So you have to go from your future coroner, and you're committed to that coroner once you get a post auth. Do you think people that make coffins have extra wood scraps you could use to make things? Not the salespeople, but the factories maybe.
But a lot of factories, their offcuts are all bundled up in specific places, so... I guess I'm thinking of very specific old, like, board caskets, whereas they're not really like that at funeral homes. You mean like old pine boxes, like it's the wild, wild west out here? No, I don't think that's how they do it anymore. I don't think I've ever seen anyone buried in a coffin like that anymore.
I know an expression about a coffin, of having a... Something about pine something something. Yeah, something like that. I remember it so vividly. Like it was yesterday. Yesterday. Yesterday. I'm going to fit him with a new pair of pine shoes. Oh, you're referencing the old phrases. I see. You're going to be sleeping with the squirrels. Pine shoes? I don't know. Pine overcoat.
Pine overcoat is the coffin. Pine overcoat. That was it. This episode is brought to you by Walmart. I'm a busy guy. I don't have time to grocery shop. I'm always busy, but more importantly, I'm very lazy. I like to have things delivered because it's convenient. Meat. What else people buy? You can choose the date and the time. You never feel more powerful. Walmart subscriptions.
Groceries and essentials delivered on repeat. Welcome to your Walmart. Shipping, delivery, and minimum order fees may apply. Eligible items only. Terms apply. All right, it's time for the idea. I'm excited. I hope you are. I just want to know what it is at this point. There's been a lot of buildup. A lot of buildup for something that I've been trying to imagine how it's going to go.
I've got an even better one for you.
And the title just changed, so you didn't know that up until this moment. Yeah, so we're actually going to change the title 20 minutes into the release of the episode. Make everyone feel crazy, right? But you're not crazy. Except you are! And for everyone at home, the way this works is... These guys are brimming with confidence. They can surmount every unsurmountable obstacle in their path.
If there's a wall, they're going right through it. In fact, Man vs. Wall... would probably be one of those. I have a similar one here, but it's not going to be first. But damn it, they'd win. No matter the matchup, no matter what kind of logic or science or physics gets in the way of them claiming victory or surviving, whatever is coming their way, they'd win.
And they're going to tell me exactly how that's going to happen, and I'm going to remember to actually get up a D20. So they're going to present an option. I'm going to paint the scenario of what's happening, what the objective is, what the enemy they're up against. And they are going to tell me an action, a single action that they will do to try to overcome that obstacle.
Each action that I deem advantageous. actually advantageous, gets them a bonus point on their roll. They have to get 20 to overcome this obstacle, but every bonus action that stacks the odds in their favor will give them a bonus towards their roll. So whatever they roll, they get one more if they get one good action. Two, three, it goes up from there.
I have and will not give points if the action very clearly isn't going to help them, but I encourage them to try whatever they want to try. Now, in an invisible coin toss that was extremely fair and no one saw, wade won a coin toss yes so wade's gonna go first all right wade you are an ant A weird particle of dust landed on your head from the ophiocordyceps unilateris mushroom.
I got it. Were you making fun of me? No, I thought we were doing a bit to start the episode. I was trying to participate. No, no. I was yes ending. Oh, I see. All right. All right.
If you don't know what that is, it's the mushroom that is going to take over your brain and turn you into a zombie and force you to rise up high so that your head can explode and have other spores blast out and infect other ants around you. In fact, cordyceps is the main catalyst in The Last of Us.
that's not nerdy that's just a thing that's true so to be clear our goal here is to defeat cordyceps if you get infected you wouldn't die nah you'd win how all right there i am hive mentality going and gathering food for the ant colony when cordyceps lands on my head the first thing i do is scream get off me All right. I guess the shaking might help.
Damn it. Didn't make it. Got an 11. You get infected. You rise up high and your head explodes. Bob, remember, you have to recite everything he just said. Sure. Great.
I'm out gathering food for the colony, and a cordyceps lands on my head. And I... SCREAM! That doesn't do anything. And I remember that fungus goes on pizza. Ah, that's the stupidest thing I've ever thought in my life. Hang on. No, no, no. So I go to the old piece of pizza that's laying next to the anthill, and I just roll around in the pizza, try to get the fungus off of me. That might work.
well i i have it hi welcome to distractible i have an idea for this episode and i was thinking very hard about it and it only came to me right after the last episode that we've recorded and then i was like oh that's good and then i was like oh i got it And then I was like, oh, there's something wrong with it. And then I had to go think about it.
It's greasy and cheesy, and there's tomato sauce, and I don't know. I'll give you that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. So that's another point. So there's plus two now. I gotta actually remember this, so. And, uh, oh!
so close you got a 17 plus 2 is a 19 no you were right there ah almost got it with the pizza but it was a dry old crusty pizza dust didn't come off your head explodes i don't think a pizza I love the pizza idea. All right. Yeah, it's a good idea. It's a good idea. You're right. Wade. There I am. An ant gathering food for the colony. Got hive mentality. Cordyceps dust lands on my head.
Still there. What do I think? Fungus. Fungus goes on pizza. I go. I find a piece of pizza. I'm rolling around hoping the cheese will yank the fungus off, but it doesn't. Luckily for me, the cheese sticks to my head. So I go into the colony hoping the other ants will eat it off. Your head? The cordyceps covered in cheese. Wouldn't that just infect the whole colony? If it doesn't work...
Hey, if you can't beat them, infect everyone else. That's what I always say. I don't know if I could give that one a bonus point. In fact, I kind of want to subtract a survival point here. I feel like you disguising the spore with your cheese hat and trying to like go back into the colony. This is about my survival, not the colony. You didn't say which side we were on.
I don't think I'm going to give a bonus point for that unless Bob thinks otherwise. It's about saving us the ant, Bob. I think you're probably right, Mark. I don't know. All right, still is. I mean, even if somehow that saves you, if you destroy your entire colony, you survive that as an ant. If they eat it off and kill it, I'm fine. How would they kill it by eating it?
That's how they would get infected. Digestion. So did we lose a point for that? I won't deduct a point, but I'm not giving you one.
fuck nat 20 holy shit destiny herself has spoken on my behalf not even joking it's nat 20 i could share by screen doubt you would lie about that it is just straight up nat 20 somehow going into the colony and having them eat the cheese it saved you for sure i don't think the rest of the colony survives though I call that not my problem. All right, well, that was a great matchup.
Matter can't be created or destroyed, right? It's there is a conservation of conservation.
Is that canon, though? Pinocchio doesn't, like, get shorter when his nose gets longer or anything. Like, I don't know. We don't see what's inside him.
A hyper-dense deposit of nose wood. It's just extruded.
All right, well, that went in a weird direction. Anyway, okay, Pinocchio paradox. If Pinocchio lies infinitely, his nose consumes the universe.
Yeah, that sounds like there's a giveaway on that one. That's why it's a paradox, right? It's a terrible puzzle because it's easily solvable. That's the paradox part. Nailed it. Well, I could confidently say that neither of you got that correct, but both of you gave me really good answers that I'm having a hard time deciding between.
last episode if i remember right for some reason only cost three points to win i wonder if bob will go higher or lower than three is three the fewest amount of points we've ever had actually win an episode that might be true i can't recall a two point or one point victory that might have happened someone might have had negative points we've had some pretty savage i don't know anyway look the rules are none of this shit matters the winner is the winner at the end because i say they're the winner but
To stall, I'll tell you that the Pinocchio paradox is, as Wade established, Pinocchio, wooden boy, nose grows when he lies. What happens when Pinocchio says, my nose will grow longer now? Because it either is a true statement because his nose grows longer or is a lie, which makes his nose grow longer, which makes the statement true again. It's just a version of the liar's paradox, really.
But I gotta say, I thought Wade had it locked in. I really fucking like Mark's answer.
Don't worry, Wade. Mark wins that one, but you get the point anyway. Mark's bold strategy. Based on that one, this is only going to go better because the names definitely get funnier and not more serious. What is Russell's paradox? Russell's paradox?
Did he suck as much as it sounds like he did? Sounds like he was worthless.
You can be honest. He won't know. I liked it. Alright, we're going to note that down. Wade likes Russell's.
Yeah, Wade, what is Russell's paradox? I think Mark answered that pretty thoroughly.
You're just really sure that one of these paradoxes is going to involve consuming all matter in the universe, so you're just going to keep going to that well?
While Mark's Googling Russell Brand, I'll tell you that Russell's paradox was discovered by Bertrand Russell. Russell is his last name. And it is a theoretical paradox that asks, does the set that contains all sets that do not contain themselves contain itself? Ah, I see. I see. Okay. You were right, Mark. Russell's are terrible. Yeah, that sounds dumb.
I'm going to give that one to Wade just so we can move on from the his blank consumes that all matter in the universe. And that was the one, Wade. It was that one. Yeah, I did it.
measure what if it's a small infinity mark there are different sizes of infinity there's an infinite number of numbers between zero and one that doesn't mean that this coast is infinitely long it's so stupid there's an infinite number of coastlines between san francisco and la
None of the current simulations or descriptions of the physical universe are anything other than approximations. Exactly. Exactly.
That's the problem with physics. You guys need smaller rulers.
Yeah, well, it feels philosophical to me in that I've kind of come down on Mark's camp there. The discussion of it is the most pedantic and useless thing I could imagine discussing about measuring a coastline, which is how philosophy feels to me a lot of the time. Sometimes philosophy is very useful, and sometimes makes me want to never think about philosophy again.
But it is a paradox, and Mark got it correct.
all right guys this next one so easy because we talked about it in a recent episode you both know this paradox so let's i'm gonna do this one as a as a lightning round for no reason just say ding mark you say ding and wade you say dong and i'll just pick who comes in first dong ding ding or dong in to answer first what is the twin paradox oh ding dong
We were talking about this with Wade's time thing because we were talking about the twins where one was on the space station and one was on Earth and the one on the space station was five milliseconds younger. The paradox of how time dilation affects the two twins if one is traveling at near light speed. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Are they still twins?
We literally I know this is the next episode, but we we talked about that 40 minutes ago. That just happened. All right. I'm going to phrase this question in a different way. There is a paradox. Bless you. There is a paradox that another one we've talked about on our show. It was a little while ago now, but we have talked about it. It is the name of an episode of this show.
Ding and dong your ways to victory. Who can think of it first? It is the title of an episode of Distractible, and it is also a paradox. Dong. Wade. The ship of Theseus.
I know. I really thought that was going in a bee direction. No, I just talk stupid. Okay.
Talk stupid and carry a big stick. That's what Grandpa B.O. has said. And I'm fresh out of sticks. Let's go back to the original format. And since Wade won that one, I'm going to say Mark goes first. What is the birthday paradox? Ding. You know, you don't have to ding. It's, it's, you're already, you auto dinged.
Go ahead, Mark. You dinged anyway.
Doesn't make any goddamn sense. All right, Wade, what is the birthday paradox?
I think that almost is even a paradox. It's...
Ah, it's still a little off. Birth. D'oh! Oh! Oh, there was something in that one. Birth. D'oh! He's getting there. That's positive progress. Birth! Nailed it. That was good. He did it. All right. The birthday paradox is that in a group of a certain number of people, there's about a 50% chance that two people share the exact same birthday. This is just a matter of probabilities.
But I want you guys to tell me, what is that number of people? Closest without going over wins.
The answer is 23. Oh, wait, wait. You might as well just guessed one and just let Mark dig his own grave.
Wade has earned all of the points in the entire episode today. I like this one. This is also like a middle school paradox. Guys, what is the paradox of Buridin's ass?
So the paradox is whether it's one donkey in a superposition of two separate donkeys with the same name, or whether it's two separate donkeys.
There's no way of knowing. Eeyah, eeyah.
Could be. The bird and ass paradox is... The paradox of a Burden's donkey that is equally hungry and thirsty. And if placed exactly precisely in the middle between a stack of hay and a pail of water, the donkey will die of both hunger and thirst because it can't possibly make a rational decision of which one to go to first. Water. Obviously. But donkeys are stupid.
And given that the theme of the paradox of Burden's ass is stupid, I'm going to say that Marx was closer. I'm going to say this is the last one we're going to talk about, and I'm going to give you a hint. This is the dumbest fucking paradox I've ever heard of, including everything we've talked about today. I'm ready. What is the unexpected hanging paradox?
And don't think too complicated about it, because it's stupid.
Whoa. It just diverges a little bit from the point of this one, I feel like. Unexpected hanging paradox is a man is convicted of a crime and condemned to death. A judge sentences this person and tells the prisoner that he will be hanged at noon on a weekday during the following week. But it will be a surprise.
The prisoner is then taken back to their cell and the prisoner reasons out that, well, OK, they couldn't hang me on Friday because if it gets all the way to Friday and I haven't been hanged, then it's not a surprise.
They're not technically out yet.
I'll see that coming I know this one too yeah well then if it gets all the way to Thursday it couldn't be Thursday either because I will know it can't be Friday it must be Thursday and I won't be surprised and he the same thought process eliminates every day of the week because the prisoner logically is like well I couldn't be surprised and I wouldn't be surprised and if it's going to be a surprise then it couldn't be and the prisoner gets stuck in this loop
Anyway, the executioner shows up on Wednesday and hangs the person and he's like, Whoa! And he's surprised. That's it.
Anyway, Wade, you wagered all of Mark's points. And mine. Except for one. You wagered nine points. So I'm gonna go ahead and erase nine points from you. How many of my own points did I have that I lost? You have some of your own points. Because I wagered all of mine too. Oh, did you wager all of yours too? Yeah. You wagered 14 total points then, which you lost. So you now have one point.
How do I have one point? Because you wagered all of them but one, according to Mark. And he gets to have input on what you wagered for whatever reason. Uh-oh. Wade lost all his points. But I'm going to say whoever wins this, whoever's explanation I pick, gets all those points. And since Wade's was close but wrong and not as funny or as stupid as the actual explanation, lean in towards Mark's. Why?
Because Mark's answer was, what is hung dick?
We have just relived, reenacted the points paradox. Yes, we finally got to the turning point of the episode. Oh, God. That's the last paradox we're going to talk about. Let's total up the points here. Wade, you earned points for NFL playoffs, unmagnetized truck, hair-consuming the universe, dong, ship of Theseus, correct answer, and 10 people dead.
to have the 50% chance of the same birthday, which was correct, even though Mark was way more correct. It was less than 23. So anyway, Mark, you earned points for sabotaging Wayne. No, small talk. Mark's caveat, which is the one point you had the whole time. Cleveland Tunnel, riddles and rhyme. Burden? The fuck did I write? God, I'm weighed. Correct. Coastline Paradox.
You were correct about the Twin Paradox. The Birthday Songs in Restaurants Paradox. Mark Point Paradox. What? Murdering Burden's ass. And what is Hung Dick? That leaves Wade with a total of one point and Mark with a total of 15 points. But I'm looking here and in the margins, it looks like Mark has asked me to make sure I give all but one of his points to Wade.
I'm going to knock Mark down to one point and give Wade 14 points.
All right, Wade, I'm not going to explain to you why you're wrong. I'm just going to do exactly what you asked. Wade, you give me 13 and a half points. I was at 14. You were at 15 because you already had one point. Shit! Anyway, continue. Bob has 13 and a half points. Wade now has one and a half points. And Mark has one point. Maybe I'm in the middle.
We're setting records every single episode here because we have a new lowest score for an episode winner. With one and a half points, Wade wins! Oh, wait, how many points did Mark finish with? Mark has one.
I declare as judge that I don't want to win. So I'm disqualified from winning my own episode. I bad math my way out of losing. Wade tried to lose one to nothing and accidentally won one and a half to one.
One of those losses is very possible. I don't know if the Chiefs are going to play all their starters, but even with some beast backup squad guys on there, they could beat the Broncos.
This is what you guys made me do to the score, by the way. It's just scribbles.
I tried so hard to squander it. I'm honestly not sure if I got the correct answer, and I feel like that's the correct conclusion to an episode about paradoxes. Probably, yeah.
I don't know why, but I feel like I need to apologize. I'm very sorry for what just happened. I feel like somehow Mark got cheated. If you red flagged me, I wouldn't even be upset because I'm not sure how we'd get to the bottom of it, but that just feels fair.
But Bob is disqualified. I'm not a despot.
Honestly, do you want to know what the actual rule was that didn't even get triggered? The entire concept of this episode was I have had this written down for two years. Host an episode that is so blatantly unfair in Wade's favor that it's like comical. And if Wade comments a single time about anything being unfair, he loses immediately. You didn't complain. I was making shit up.
I was just doing arbitrary bullshit. New year, new me. Neither of you complained about it being unfair, even though it was comically unfair. That was the most arbitrary point scoring I've ever done. And I don't ever even follow my own rules.
I knew that's what you wanted to do. And the fact that you said 13 and a half was just so perfect. God damn. I was not even going to say that because I was just going to keep that as an idea and then come up with some even stupider premise next time I hosted to make it more unfair. I don't know. My head hurts. Somehow we made a paradox episode about paradoxes, which is impressive or something.
The Jets have to beat the Dolphins for the, oh no.
Hung dick. Classic. The surprise hung dick paradox.
I really like that one because why don't they just sing? Does no one know? Do they not know that that's in public domain now? You could sing the regular birthday song. I have no idea. You know, it's the worst is some restaurants do it in four, four. Happy birthday is a song that's in three. And some people will just be like, happy birthday to you. Happy.
It's like they're just singing it on a rent. It's terrifying.
This is probably a song or I don't fucking know.
to rack up another loss in the next episode and listen i can make that happen for you buddy i can i can deliver on that for you don't you worry okay all right fair not fair but fair is it's the fair paradox the fair redox it's fair but not fair wade our deserving victor winner speech
Dude, if the Bengals do get in, this will be the first time in my life I have two actual teams that I actually root for in the playoffs. Usually I have zero.
In everything that you could have done, you didn't guess the strategy correctly, but you did make a play that was about as good as you could have played it to try and trigger the strategy and wait for... Well, you don't complain that much, honestly. It feels like you complain a lot sometimes.
And I don't like it. But thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Listeners, if you think that you are confused because we skew towards the video now, that's not why. There was nothing on the video that explains any of this any more thoroughly than you got. I'm just stupid. Me and Bird and Zass, we're bros. Thank you, Austin Powers. Make sure you check us out on socials. You know our names.
Make sure you follow the show. It's the plus button or whatever. Check button? No, it's called distractible. Oh yeah. Distractible. You know the name. That's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for watching, listening, and we'll see you next time. As long as the paradox doesn't prevent it from happening. Okay. Bye. Podcast out.
bangles and lions have never really made it the same time no not really well that's not fair the lions made it a year ago and they want actually they got their first playoff win in 60 years or whatever but yeah i mean generally i have no teams in the playoffs and i just pick a team to root for and it's usually like the niners or someone i'm greedy i want three i want my bangles vikings and lions
Good for Sam Darnold. I hope he gets in there.
That's what I'm saying. I think Cincinnati abducting players and not allowing them to play for the Browns would only help Cleveland. By and large, unless we can magically fix Nick Chubb and steal him.
That's true. If you just peel those stripes off the Bengals one, then there you go. You're basically in there. Exactly. See, there's a reason I'm the brains of this podcast.
Couldn't do it. Impossible. You need European wizards to make rails happen.
Hello and welcome back for yet another episode of everyone's favorite podcast. That's right. Everyone's favorite podcast. This is distractible. I am your host, Bob, and I am joined today by my competitors, Mark and Wade. Don't say hi. I am the host because I won the last episode. Mark and Wade are competing to win this episode.
Yeah, it has like a big like Mad Max like plow on the front. It's just like on the front with a guitar. One of those guys on the big wavy back and forth poles hanging off the back like witness me.
If any of us ever go on the streetcar, we have to walk in, get on board, and immediately just go, Immortal John! Everyone will know what we mean. Imagine if Cincinnati had a subway system. I've heard it. I don't know anything about this, but I've heard it described as like Cincinnati was almost basically what Chicago became.
That in the early industrialization of this part of the country, the Queen City and the Windy City were kind of like in competition with each other. And then I think everyone would agree Chicago kind of won that one.
I think driving anywhere near or in Chicago is just about the worst way you could experience Chicago. The city itself is lovely. Very nice place with lots of great stuff to do. But no, you don't want to drive there. That's not the way. I actually took a train to Chicago once.
Weirdly enough, I was visiting family in Holland, Michigan, which is a tiny little place over on the west coast of Michigan. And there's a train from Holland to Chicago, which I thought was super weird. It was...
They win by making me write down points, and whoever gets the most points, or the least, we've never done that, but it could happen. Whoever gets the correct amount of points on my little thingy here, they're the winner. Or maybe not. Maybe I just say someone wins arbitrarily. Is this the golf episode? I'm not going to throw that out here. I'm doing high score this time.
Yeah, literally not a single mention of magnets for any reason.
Have I told you guys about the fart story with James? Where he farted in a movie theater in Oppenheimer and everyone laughed? I wish he did. He probably would think of that. He's very funny. No. So we have this place we drive frequently where there's rumble strips on the road, which is that thing where you're driving and you drive over it and it goes, we drive over there all the time.
And we were driving there with James in the back seat and we went over the rumble strips and out of nowhere. And he's never said it before, at least to me, really out of nowhere. He just goes, huh? Farts. Cause the rumble strip sounds like fuckers. Anyway, he's hilarious. He's going to be the funniest kid I know. Well, not as funny as me, but like he'll be second.
You're not a kid, so you're kind of in a different class.
You're not the funniest adult I know either, but don't be offended. I know a lot of adults. You could say that. It's just not true. James is hilarious. Also, he calls the movie Sing Dance Animals, and that's his current favorite movie.
He still enjoys Bluey. He still enjoys... The thing right now is animals. Everyone is constantly surprised. It's because we're like, oh, he loves animals. He loves animals. And people are like, oh, you like horsies? You like... No, he knows what a yak is. He knows what a flamingo is. He can't quite say it, but he knows what a hyena is. He knows probably a few dozen animals in total.
And all day, every day is. I want animals. I want animals. And it means a lot of different things because it could mean he wants to watch a video of animals. Could mean he wants to stuff to animals. But he's an interesting place. Very smart. He likes to enact animals eating each other.
He'll get like a bear and a giraffe, and then the bear will be chasing the giraffe, trying to bite it, and it will succeed at some point. And he's literally just running around like, oh no, oh no. Or he'll stage like accidents. He has like trains and stuff. He'll put an animal in front of the train on the track and then just slowly like, oh no. That's probably good, right?
I want the golf episode to be a surprise. May I have the correct amount of points? No, not yet. You might end up with the correct amount of points.
If you do enough, sometimes people won't know you did anything at all. That's another Futurama reference. Really packing those in these last couple episodes. I'm going to watch this show again. If you've never seen that episode of Futurama, man, is that a good one. Bender gets ejected into space faster than the speed of light, becomes a god, then meets God. All good stuff. There's a nuclear war.
There's a porn theater. It's good stuff. Should we move on to the topic? Sure. We're going to be guessing. You guys ready to guess some stuff?
I have a list of paradoxes. Paradoxi?
Well, you did your last episode about time. It's kind of a paradoxical thing we were discussing. Anyway.
i have a list of paradoxes and brief explanations of them all i'm gonna give you is the name of them and i would like you to give me your best guess as to what the paradox is and uh either the most correct or the best answer for other reasons will win uh so you'll each get a shot to tell me what each paradox is and you might know some of these if you know i know some of these but i don't know them by name
If you know paradoxes, you might know some of these. But anyway, we'll start off fairly easy. I don't know if easy is a fair way to say it. Oh, I should flip something to see who goes first. I'm going to flip my fidget toy. Mark is concave. Wade is convex.
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, blundering Bob deals with a brain-dead Baldi, shuns socials, and plays fictional character look-alikes. Maxed-out Mark gets annoyed with Apple, twirls his moustache, is earnestly stinky, and John A. When some Wade gets his Sith on, becomes Mr. Rogers, a wiener, shaggy, and a maester.
From constitutional conundrums to game of thongs. Yes! It's time for Who Is Us? Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back.
And that's what that's what helps me feel like I have agency, even in a deterministic physical world.
Yeah, got it. Thank you.
Kind of what Mark just said, I guess. I don't know if there's a definitive way to say if the universe is or is not deterministic. To me, it seems likely that it is, but also to Mark's point of where when you're observing something changes the nature of the thing as part of physics is...
um confusing because i'm stupid but even if there are determine like it is deterministic how physics works and perhaps how people think is deterministic in a way that like we can't comprehend but maybe it is maybe there's a way that minds work that is is figureable is understandable It's not, to me, that doesn't get around free will because it's not deterministic what exactly you do.
Or even if you do something that is a sort of unconscious reaction, if you just blurt something out or if you take an action without considering it, that's not the ultimate action that you have in this universe. You can take subsequent actions. You can apologize. You can change your mind.
I mean, unless you are killing someone, which you can't undo, unless you're doing something that's unundoable, there's a lot of action that you can take after. Even if you would say, oh, well, I was beyond my control. It was my destiny. It was my fate. I didn't choose to do that. You choose to do everything else that you do subsequent to that, I think.
I don't know if it is, if the world is deterministic, but even if it is, I don't think that's necessarily what is or isn't free will. I think there is another component of free will and it's more, it's more human and societal.
And it has to do with, even if you do something and you feel like it was outside of your control, you still maintain the autonomy of how you continue to act once that thing has happened. Once you've said or done something, you can continue to say and do other things. So like, I guess I was trying to get more at like, what is free will?
Because I've seen arguments where it basically ends at some philosopher or physicist or someone is like, well, I'm pretty sure the universe is deterministic. So there can't be free will. That's it.
And like, I guess I don't buy that.
only better i don't even have any endeavors so that there's a lot of extra bandwidth there to support you guys you post youtube video that's not an endeavor it's kind of an endeavor that's a pretty low key endeavor i i endeavor to continue doing that the bar doesn't have to be long to be a bar that's true i just sleep good people like and popular i saw it got up i saw it as high as number four in the charts maybe got higher
I agree. No, I actually have thought about this a fair amount in just to myself, basically. But the notion of omnipotence existing is basically incompatible with the way that we understand the universe, I think.
Like Mark is saying, if there was a being, some entity that had that, not only would time lose all meaning to them in terms of like their existence, but literally like it's a thing that humanity can't really comprehend. It's an amount of information, nothing that we've ever invented or the human brain itself can't contain or conceive of.
So it's just like, even if it's the worst case of what Mark said, we still live in a world where as far as we can really tell... Yeah, we basically do have free will because there's no amount of understanding we could gain that would get beyond that, at least unless our brains evolve, unless our species evolve, unless something changes dramatically. The way we are right now, it's inconceivable.
It's really more of a concept, the idea of an omnipotent God or being or whatever, another species of some sort.
I've been saving this one because I actually had this in the chamber. And while Mark was talking, I did some Googling to make sure I remember everything.
enough facts to talk about it i think neuroscience has uh done some interesting stuff to sort of speak to kind of what you're asking basically there were some studies where researchers were taking an active scan of uh participants brains and then they were offered choices
And the summary, my summary of their findings is basically before the participants had a conscious understanding of what decision they were making, they could detect in their brain there was already a choice that was made neurologically.
And I don't know the technical details, but basically they could tell from the brain activity that they're the participants brain had already like prepared to make the decision and had sort of done the decision process. And this is called readiness potential, I think, in what they published earlier.
This research was considered by a lot of people to sort of debunk the idea of free will, that this is a demonstration, scientifically measured demonstration of determinism, because your brain is doing things before you're even consciously aware that you're making a choice.
And then you just feel like when you think about it consciously, you feel like you're making a choice, but it's already in there. right?
But there were subsequent experiments that challenged this sort of finding and found basically that there's a difference between an important decision and an inconsequential decision, that the readiness potential only happens when you're being presented with some kind of choice that is not a huge deal. Like there, an example of that is there is a You're given two options, one or two.
You pick either one. And in an immaterial decision, it would be it's two nonprofits and they each get $500. They just want you to pick one that you like the most. But like it doesn't affect the outcome. You're just making a choice. The unconscious readiness potential was found in decisions like that.
But if they gave you a thousand, they said, here's you're responsible for a thousand dollars and you're picking one or two. And the thousand dollars goes to one, the one you pick and doesn't go to the other nonprofit. The unconscious decision making that came before the conscious expression of it was not found in the scans they were doing.
There's a difference between maybe some things kind of are predetermined. Maybe you make a lot of choices. I mean, everything you do is a choice, right? Over the course of a day of your life. But maybe there are some choices where you really choose to exercise your free will more assertively, or you just choose to bring out the free will.
It, of course, begs the question, what in your brain decides whether a choice is or is not meaningful? Because that is not objective. Things are or are not meaningful to different people for different reasons.
But the researchers who did that research basically said, we're not trying to just make the argument at a deeper level that there's still some deterministic thing that you don't have control over. Our argument would be the human brain is so inscrutable. It's so complex.
That our science might never have the ability to fully comprehend everything that happens, but that there's clearly a complexity beyond either you are or are not making a choice. And so there's clearly some component of free will buried in all of these, you know, esoteric scans and findings. Interesting.
But I just I find that interesting because it is it sort of gets back to Mark's point about if you really could know everything, you couldn't be part of the system. So there's no way humans are ever going to, you know, create a one to one simulation of the entire universe that would tell us all of the outcomes of everything. That's just resource wise, not possible.
I think how good it would be for Edge of Sleep if Distractable was the number one podcast, though. That'd be great. It would be incredible. There's probably a lot of crossover between platforms. Everyone knows jumping platform to platform is what viewers do best.
It just makes it makes me it doesn't give me an argument. It just gives me the personal feeling of like there has to be free will. There just clearly is some component of free will. And I think part of that is that your mind and your body and the physiology and the physics of what happens in your brain and how you make choices is kind of inexorably linked.
And so, like, I think if you took a mind and put it in a jar, it basically isn't the same person. It could, you know, if you could do that and it was the same brain with the exact same thoughts and memories, it might be kind of the same person.
But their experience of the universe and the way that their decision making functioned, their internal motivations, all of that would be affected by the fact that they are no longer the person that they were with the mind and the body that they had. Now they're a new person.
thing they're a new person they will have the exact same types of motivations and and reactions to things in that case if someone loses one of their senses do you feel that they're a different person too versus them having that sense like most certainly yeah
the idea of a discreet self that I am me and I will always be me is I think comforting to people because you want to have every individual wants to have a concept of who they are and they want it to be something that's hopefully at least a little concrete because that's what a lot of your life is based around who you are and what you think is important.
But I think the real answer really is everything that happens to you kind of makes you a new person. And some things change you a lot more than other things. You losing one of your senses that you were born with and had spent your whole life with that now you don't have definitely like
makes you a different person, but also important people in your life dying or leaving important experiences in your life will completely change who you are because they will completely change your internal motivations and perceptions of the world around you in a lot of ways. So like you're it's not like you're not you anymore and you just like change your voice, look different.
Like clearly there are parts of you that are still the same. You're still yourself, but you're constantly a new person with every experience in the sense that I'm talking about.
No, never. They love that. That's maybe their favorite thing we do.
Well, so I talked about it on this a fair amount, multiple times. And you know all that work I did on the Subaru? And I was updating people and it's all undone now. Turns out it's way easier to undo all that shit than it was to do it in the first place. Oh, cool.
I spent multiple long days laying on my back under the car and doing... Yesterday, I undid 95% of everything, and the car is almost completely back to stock, and I'm going to sell it. I thought you were going to say the doors are off, the hood's on the roof, the bumper's on the street.
That doesn't look like much of anything to me.
It is a Subaru, so it's not long until it does that to itself. But for everyone... I mentioned in passing I'm selling the car. Yes, I'm selling the car. Sorry, everybody. I'm the only one in the entire house and extended family that both Mandy and I have that can drive stick shift. It just didn't make sense for me to have a car that no one else could drive.
Maybe watch a little of season two because you'll be curious, but then stop when you know it's time to stop. Also, doesn't it like not exist anymore? Didn't it get shelved forever, removed from Max?
There are four seasons. And honestly, the last season is okay. But the first season is the reason the entire show exists and is far and away the best and most interesting season.
It's also very much worth it to go and watch the movie that was made in the 60s. It's also called Westworld, and it's very different from the TV series, but still a very fascinating watch.
a lot of nudity like some episodes are primarily nudity all right well that's the episode everyone i don't know who won but i gotta go start watching this westworld thing real quick so
Like in case there's an emergency or if two people want to go to two separate places or, you know, so I, I still have a fun car, but it's more of a family car now.
Well, the last season came out a few years ago now. And the first season came out in, like, 2018, 2019.
I mean, honestly, season two is watchable. Season three and four really go off the rails. Season two is fun because of where it takes place in a large part. And so, like, it's fun.
Also, if you're looking for other media on the question of free will, Mandy and I literally last night watched the movie 2014 movie Ex Machina, Ex Machina, which is about development of AI, kind of an interesting, well-made movie with some really good acting about these sorts of questions and consciousness and free will and stuff.
I don't know how I didn't see that because it's a movie I would have loved to watch when it came out. But 10 years later, finally saw it.
I mean, yeah, I guess. What a deal. Mark was in there once. So, you know, all three of us were in there. I got cool footage of it. You can use that on the selling page.
No, I remember. I was trying to find you a tiles version on eBay, and I was searching international Ebays for it. I thought I found one in Russian, but it was just the card version with some misleading Google Translate, I think.
i can say whatever i want that's true that's the rules that's allowed it's immunity it's immunity in this moment i won uh bob loser speech i feel good because i willed freely myself into second place today i chose it on purpose because i can do that you're like dash and the incredibles at the end
And we almost bought a theater from that car. We almost did. Do you think it's on sale? God, I hope so. Maybe the auction fell through. Maybe it's back on the market. Maybe our time hasn't passed.
just go for a second make it close yeah no that's the i i have so much free will that i'm out here coming in a close second just to keep it realistic that's how free my will is you couldn't you can have this one mark because i gave it to you good for you thanks you determined my future yeah wait what i am the passenger to your deeper body together we are the bicameral man Men? Man?
It is will be, and probably not.
Yeah, somehow you still don't have a car. Crazy how that happens.
I'm trying to think of snarky stuff to say about this, but honestly, I appreciate your enthusiasm and I hope that someday you get the tiles that you deserve.
That was an easy point.
i can't not think of the i think it's a family guy joke where it's uh it's it's a trailer for passion 2 but then it's the guy from um oh rush hour not jackie chan but the other guy what the hell is this chris tucker and it's him and jesus and they're like behind cover and the bullets are flying and jesus holds up a gun and is like do you know how to use one of these and chris tucker holds up a blunt and goes do you know how to use one of these
Oh, man, I just have to do this. Oh, look at this. So weird that you just had to do that right then.
Yes, finally! a point i am choosing to lose all my hair i believe that having hair is against god huh huh you get a bald point all right never thought i'd get a bald point not until i went bald anyway if you don't if all your hair doesn't fall out in the next five seconds i don't think that point should count
hmm it's douchey but i'm gonna stick with it i love it this is often my reaction to questions like this my initial thought is well what exactly do we mean by free will if we're gonna address the idea of whether or not we have free will obviously we live in a universe where there are seem to be like universal physical laws physics is kind of telling us that there are probably laws that
They're still trying to fork them all out. We don't understand how it works. But so if we do live in a world where physical laws are consistent, that basically means we live in a deterministic world, right? If you could accurately simulate down to the minutest of details that that we can't even perceive right now, the world.
Theoretically, you could figure out what someone might decide because you could have a model of their brain and there are physical rules about how electronic impulses travel and how neurons work and how things in the brain interact. Like, is that free will?
Or is the free will the fact that humans, even if our thoughts may be dictated or influenced by things that are not conscious choices, not conscious free will, Is the free will the part of how we choose to act and react to whatever our thoughts are, whatever our unconscious motivations are, whatever stimuli we get from outside of our bodies? And that's kind of where I fall.
What we think may not be. be completely conscious. You might not be able to consciously control how you react to things based on your life experience. You might not be able to consciously choose what you think or what you want to do, but you do get to choose when you do or do not do things, when you do or do not act on thoughts that you have. So I think it's
An important distinction, maybe this is reductive, but I feel like one of the things that the free will question, people who might think that or might want to say that we don't have free will like to use that as like, well, then we're not responsible, are we? If I don't have, you know, if I can prove we don't have free will, then no one's morally responsible for what they do. Are they?
Because it's not their choice that they did that. They were made to do that by whatever thing, by God or the laws of physics or whatever, because we all have a fate or destiny. But I don't personally believe that. I kind of with you, Mark, it's what helps me get through the day. It's the idea that at least part of the world I have agency over.
And I feel like even if someone might want to say that our thoughts are dictated or predetermined in some way, What you actually do in the world to other humans, other living things, what you actually do or do not do is definitely still dictated by your free will. Thus, you are morally responsible for your actions, whether or not, you know,
Maybe some people have thoughts that they can't get rid of that are bad. Universally, everyone would agree that's a bad thought. You should not act on that. But if you don't act on it, it's just a thought. It's not a real thing. And so there's a line there that I feel like it's hard to define clearly, but I can kind of see it in my own head now.
God, that's the loudest fucking classic in existence!
I was watching it and I was like, this is such a bad idea. He's going to fucking drown. What the fuck?
It's not a two-sentence horror story.
I think everyone understands what I'm getting at.
No, I do. It sounds like a bit, but I do. I know this one.
Neither of us is getting points. I don't know what you're so stressed about.
Wait, does that not get you going? Did that not, was that bad? Wait.
It would have been a tie. If I'd only been that much funnier.
The satisfying tink of your coin is very impressive, Mark. I know, thank you.
This isn't about points. This is the principle of the matter. Yeah.
Why can't we just use the 9mm? Are you crazy? Let's go behind those .22s. Yeah, okay. I do have a topic, a mini story of my own. I was at dinner a little while ago. I was at Melting Pot with Molly and then Rin and Charlie. For those that don't know, I have two dachshunds and a cat. And at dinner, Charlie, seemingly forgetting that, looks at me and he goes, Wade, I got a question for you.
He's like, okay. He says, do I look like a small dog guy? And I was like, okay, I have two small dogs. What are you saying? What are you asking me? Well, what was your answer? I said, I like small dogs, and I previously liked you, so yes. Previously? So apparently he's got a boss who is a bit shorter than us, and his boss was relieved whenever Charlie and Wren were not getting a small dog.
Okay, cool. All right, yeah. Just want to be clear about that. Real Napoleon we're talking. Good, yeah. Hope you're not watching right now. Charlie, if you get fired, this is your fault. You should have asked me the small, broad question. But it got me thinking about big dog, small dog energy. He's like, do I give off small dog energy? Because the guy was relieved when he got a big dog.
He really thought Charlie gave off small dog energy, which as a guy with small dogs, I was like, what are you saying about small dog energy?
I like small dog. I've had big dogs. They were destructive. Small dogs fit on the couch, the bed, whatever. Very nice. And I just prefer them.
You got a parachute to get out of the truck?
When I was at dinner and I was talking about this, because the joke about the small dog kept coming up. Callbacks, if you will. I was like, I might have to host an episode. Maybe I'll talk about this. I was like, you know, it's weird. When I picture Bob as a dog, I picture all the dogs with mustaches. And I don't know why.
I know, but I feel like dog you would. I don't know why.
I'll try to look up the one that specifically came to mind while I'm doing this.
L-Y-K-O-Y. How do you pronounce L-Y-K-O-Y? Leroy?
You're such a flatterer. Cockroach and dung beetle.
Before you all say it, I'll just take the one that smells like rotting meat. It's fine.
I'm glad because, man, I was walking around today and I kept smelling something horrible. I was like, gotta be me. And it turned out the shirt I was wearing, apparently one of my dogs had marked. So, yes.
I was scrolling through and I was like, that one kind of speaks to me.
It didn't mean to be. I just saw the picture. I don't know what this one is, Bob, but I saw you as a rata rani plant.
Ah, yes, the Missouri slur flower. All right.
I see Mark as a sphere and Bob as a spiral myself.
Yeah. We'll move on to an easier one for you. Fish. Aren't all fish kind of fish-shaped?
I'll kill you. Oh, my God. It's the first one that's spoken.
Hey, you know, Bob didn't have an idea, so I submitted one. I don't know. Maybe it missed the mark.
Yeah, they have this giant exhibit at the Atlanta Aquarium where you can go and stand and they'll swim right in front of you.
I've not seen that one, so I don't know. I don't remember. I thought it was a very southern name, like can't swim. Why? Whale sharks here.
not again no it's not again move on oh move on well all right i'm out of things and thus ends the episode he's gonna do birds just cut it right there all right i'm out of things you just want to do birds you want to stop there birds or move on i only know like barnyard birds and i don't neither of you guys is a chicken or any variety of chicken
Could Mark be... I'll let you guys go, then I'll throw mine out at the end.
I don't know. I like the blonde hair. Tufted puffin. A tufted puffin.
I'll wrap up there, though. We've been going a bit, and we went through a lot of different animals, so I got a lot of points to tally up here.
What a dick. I only ever shout out friends on this podcast if I'm criticizing them for something.
Not sticky one shot, that's something else. Mexican hairless. Afghan hound. Bug's life caterpillar. Mantis, Ivy, All Rods, Watermelon, Yellow Eel, Yago, and Rosate Spoonbill. Mark, you got points for small gun. Jam.
It's a tough nut to crack, that one. Guys, I shouldn't have this happen.
That seems like one out of 10 of these, I would have to do a one-man show, and I don't know about that.
Oh, come on. Okay, does that mean Bob wins?
Apparently the world's largest bullet was fired from the Schwerer Gustav, a German siege cannon used during World War II.
The bullet was made of solid steel and weighed over 7,000 pounds, was over eight feet long. Oh, that.
Good episode, gents. Survived a wheel spin, so I'm pretty happy. I don't really care who wins. I'm just glad I didn't have to do the one-man show, but we're getting closer. Thank you all for watching and or listening, especially watching. Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host and we'll do something. Until then, follow us.
Bob at MyScar, Mark at Markiplier, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777. Until then, podcast out.
Take this breathalyzer. Oh, you passed. Come on in.
Well, if you're not lubed up enough, you can always try something like Elmer's glue.
Can you help me? I don't know how to deal with this. It just hands me a long, like, rod to ram it down. I'm like, do I stick this in the front? And he's like, yeah, you stick it in the front. Where's the gun at that you're holding? I left it in the shooting range. I didn't want to bring it out and wave it around.
Shut up. Shut up. I'm gonna show you. I'm gonna lube these bullets up. You're gonna see. You're gonna see. You're gonna see!
Mark pulls out his gun, pulls out his little pipe cleaner, and he's like, I'm ready to go shooting. Is that a holster for the pipe cleaner?
Man, I thought I got a good deal on these bullets, but I had to buy 10,000 guns. You're like that police station. Maybe the police station just had sticky bullets.
They got the Gatlin gun, they charge it up and go, all right, next gun.
I feel like, what were the names from Home Alone? Marv, and what was the other guy's name? The Sticky Bandits, Mark. They would have loved you and your bullets. Harry. Harry, Marvin Harry.
Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible, this episode. Bullshit-calling Bob flames the baldest bro, then plays an ever-increasingly challenging game. Misanthropic Mark has an IT nightmare with raging Rory, unleashes AI hell, secret boners, speeding, and shooting stars. Weirdling Wade has fecal conditioning, hates twitchers, chapsticks, and Chicken Man.
From doing your duty to ultimate fairness, it's time for Bob's Small Even Dumber Word Game. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, Bellatristic Bob lost his pants to Craig, needs an exorcist, orders a new fridge, then gets the guys to guess the blanks. Wastrel Wade misses on creams, but gets his socials and 3D. Monetised Mark forks Jason, dotes on the deviled and knows his cones and eateries. From eBay escapades to raunchy robots.
Yes, it's time for Top Ten Things. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Back to you in the studio. Good. Well, great reporting. That's why you won those awards. Next up on the docket, in other news, Progresso Soup Drops. Company offers chicken noodle hard candy.
How is this going to change your soup enjoyings?
Wade in the studio, or wherever you are, how's, how are you feeling about this?
This might be my last episode. Oh, geez. All right, you heard it here first. That's the hard-hitting reporting from Bob. Man, Bob, this might be your best performance yet.
I wish I could, you know, Scary Movie 3, and a shotgun shell just pops out there. Oh, man.
Oh, God. God. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Progresso pop? One. Four.
These lazy Italians here just can't get off their ass to produce more champagne.
Kind of just picked one that I saw. All right, thank you. That's our award-winning reporter in the field, Bob Myskins.
I'm not going to change anything on this list then.
Basically, today's episode is going to be catching up on current events.
Anyway, we're starting off the episode with censorship, and oh boy, are we going to keep that up.
What would you feel like if internet anonymity died?
The world exists outside of this podcast. Oh, this is Bob and Wade. Sorry, I didn't even say that.
This apparently is, because I've noticed a bunch of shells. Hooray! Hooray! That's good to know. Well, you guys, oddly enough, we're segueing right into the topic, but not in the way that you would imagine. It's something you have been mentioning a lot. Sex? Screaming? Maybe. There will be screaming later, but brooding? Probably. A little bit of that. I got a call.
I got a call from the big man upstairs. Santa? Direct orders. We're downsizing. Ooh, we should fire Wade. No, not like that. We're downsizing America. Oh, thank God. I got a call. We got too many states. We need to knock it down. We need to start chucking out the states that don't matter. Now, you're not going to look up anything. This is vibes. We're knocking out states. We're getting down to 13.
That's what it started as. First flag at 13 was 13 colonies, became 13 states. That's the number that they want. It's not about me. It's not my want here. It's about what the orders are from on high. Got it. Okay. Some people think we need more states. Looking at you, Greenland, Canada. We gotta keep those two. We gotta keep those two states. We gotta keep those two.
For everyone on Reddit, these are jokes. These are jokes mocking an insane situation.
So I don't want you to look up anything because, number one, it's also going to be a test if you guys can remember all 50 states. I could recite them all right now. Don't.
So we're going to take turns and you're going to nominate one for deletion. This is not rolling a state into another state. We're not going to merge the Dakotas to get the number down. This is eliminating states. They're going to be carved out of the United States and they're going to be chucked into either the Atlantic or Pacific Ocean. Whatever is easier. I've got my first state ready to go.
Or the Gulf of America. Gulf of America, of course. All right. So I'm going to. Oh, I don't. I'm like, guys, I don't like corn.
I think I saw a penny here somewhere.
Mm-hmm. All right, so it's a 2011 penny with a D on it. Got that weird shield on the back.
So Heads is Bob, Tails, Wig going first. Tails. Tails. That's me. Never fails. I'll allow you guys three vetoes. We're going to discuss it. It'll be an open discussion, but ultimately, you know, it's the person nominating. We're working together on this. I get it.
Yeah, we're working together, but if you really feel strongly that one state should stay, you can veto it, you know, but this is kind of a communal thing. It's only the turn as to who's proposing one to delete. So you both get three vetoes and we're going to whittle it down to 13. This will be easy at first and get incrementally harder.
Yeah, Ethan went on a big thing about Otter Pops during his on, so.
All right, okay, all right. Any veto, Bob?
All right. Pennsylvania gone. Cut out. Thrown in the Atlantic.
In some ways. All right, there you have it. Not so different after all.
That's what you get. All of our fans from Pennsylvania, don't worry. You're going to be in good company of Offended real soon.
push push might have survived the NFL vote but the team is gone goodbye Eagles Bob what's going next let's start easy South Dakota South alright instead of North yeah yes no discussion to be had here seems like South Dakota is gone North Dakota don't feel confident yeah I wouldn't I wouldn't get too comfortable I feel like much like South Dakota we have very little to say about it it's just gone
He's just cutting down Cincinnati's enemies here. I see what his strategy is.
You're saving Chicago? Illinois has been cemented. That is going to last into the 13th.
All right. Okay. All right. So Illinois is locked in. Now we got to move on. Bob, what do you propose? Let's go small. Rhode Island. Rhode Island. Rhode Island. Take that, Rhode Island.
Well, Molly, the 3D artist who worked on Iron Lung. See ya. is from Rhode Island, I believe. Not my movie. That's all right. You're right.
I like this because it feels like Wade wants to keep Florida, but segment it from the rest of the United States.
bob new mexico i think we should give it back to old mexico i don't think we ever should have had that one that just seems rude on our part okay they might have to fish it out of the ocean but i suppose it's finders keepers at that point um wait any objections new mexico it's beautiful new mexico is beautiful santa fe is amazing we didn't do any shows in new mexico did we no no i don't know that i've ever actually been into new mexico and i never will be because it's gone now so yeah no that's fine
All right, it's gone. I've only ever driven through there, really. But, you know, it is just gorgeous. I mean, that whole area of the United States is just, oh, man, the mesas and everything, the landscapes.
Tea party? More like sleep in the sea party. Sea party.
Well, okay. I guess that's locked in there. Two of the 13 spots is out.
So, vetoed. New Hampshire locked in there with Illinois.
You know, you don't need to strategically kill your enemies.
Just say it. All right, okay. Any objection to Michigan?
I guess, yeah, they would rush into Philly would be, yeah, I guess. I don't think we want that. Take away that veto, Bob. Come on, give it to us. It's locked in.
So that was Bob's second veto. Now, Bob, it's back to you, though.
You don't have to veto. You could give a reason not to, but it's kind of his call.
It would have to be now. It's now or never.
I will let you put Oklahoma to the side, Bob, if you want, and you could pick another one, and then we could set Oklahoma over there.
It's got to go. All right, Maine, gone.
No, I mean, it's like if you eliminate Texas is such I mean, OK, I'm I'm I'm just the arbitrator here. But I will say Texas is so large, so many resources just from a landmass perspective, like it touches completely different biomes. It's enormous. OK, we bleed it, then we discard it. That's not an option.
I'm trying to identify a pattern of what Wade's going for here, but I can't really piece it together. So, yeah. Don't try to get in here. You won't find a way. All right, Bob, that's just, do you veto it?
I've spent a lot of time in Texas recently. I don't like some of the things that Texas does. I've had some great memories in Texas, honestly. But it's gone?
Gone out. Wait, did you realize we're trying to have 13 at the end of it? You know, but all right, fine.
Okay. Wisconsin. Any particular reason?
All right. Wisconsin has been sunk into the ever-growing greater lake. So that's cool.
Yeah, it's in neither of those, yeah.
gone all right so we're going kansas is your pick wade and then i'm guessing going to bob arkansas arkansas is my pick yes all right okay we're gone gone and gone and missouri for me gotta get rid of missouri too any objections oh man man the grim reaper is speeding up all right any objections to missouri
Goodbye, Oregon. All right. And you guys will be happy to know that was our 15th elimination. We're getting there. Only 22 more to go.
Is that how it's spelled? Even I might have spelled it wrong.
Damn. All right. It's gone. Connecticut is gone. Not connecting anything anymore.
Yeah. Saving some time. I'm actually keeping track of who is eliminating what here.
Okay, that's fair. And then it's back to Bob.
All right, potatoes be damned. Idaho on the chopping block. Idaho was like, whoa, man, they're not even going to remember us over here.
Look, man, don't mock me like this. Don't mock me like this.
Wouldn't want to put your child in the way of that.
Man, all the companies incorporated in Delaware are going to be really mad. Hey, come to Ohio.
Yeah, because they have next to zero corporate tax rate.
Okay. All right, it's gone. I'm not really questioning anything anymore. Who knows?
The only thing I know about Iowa is the Iowa caucus.
Yeah, of course. Especially these companies, our sponsors.
Man, this is getting heartbreaking now. All right, Bob. We're really getting down to the nitty gritty here.
All right. Not on my list. Goodbye. All right. Goodbye. All right. Okay. That's an easy going.
i will concede montana i've got i've got too many that are more important than montana but i do like i did want to keep montana it was on my list all right here's the thing it also got rid of the super volcano at the same time we dug that out chucked it in like a bomb into the pacific ocean problem solved no more super volcano risk so that's good
It's Indiana, the buffer state, as we all know it to be. Any objections? Nope. All right.
Tennessee's going away. A lot of culture of Tennessee.
Country music basically originates from there. Well, it's not originate, but...
Okay. And with that, we're at 13 states. Oh, God. Would you like to hear the new United States?
Yeah, the fourth largest economy in the world. Alaska is in the United States. California, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii. So far, not so bad. Illinois is in there. Michigan, Nebraska. Wait, Nebraska survived? I thought Bob got rid of the Cornhuskers. There's a different Cornhuskers. There's many Cornhuskers. Nebraska made it.
I was like, nah, we already got rid of them. Nebraska's there. New Hampshire's there. New York's there. Ohio's there. Oklahoma is there. Vermont and Washington.
It's a historical site. All right. All right. So here's how I'm going to award the points for this round. I'm going to award the points for most area cut, most GDP lost. Which, man, Wade, you are fucking crushing these categories of huge cuts. Goodbye, Texas. Hello, points. And then I can't remember what my third category was going to be, so we'll have to... Population or something?
Oh, yeah, I think that was actually it. Yeah, most people expunge. Well, I'm fucked. No, no, it wasn't, no, it wasn't all going to be negative. No, it was, it was, there was going to be, I had some bad, some good. See, I forget how I set these things up from the beginning. Well, thank God you wrote it down, right? I did not write anything down. What do you think, I wrote anything down?
No, it was going to be, it was going to be most area cut, least people cut, and then it was going to be, like, most money lost. Or it was going to be...
We want people and money, probably, right? We want people and money, but not the land can go. I think that's what, I don't know.
Oh, we were going to, wait, didn't we set one aside? Oklahoma. We set Oklahoma aside and then we never got back to it. Right, okay, we never got back to it.
It was a lot of murder. I didn't see any kind of actual thought or plan with yours, Wid.
I gotta calculate the population, GDP, and area of fucking 50 states.
Alright, this is actually a fascinating, uh, fascinating distribution of where this landed. This is more work than I would have ever put in. I would have just lied to you guys. Would you like to know where these numbers land? Because it is fascinating. All right.
So, Wade, in your rambunctious tirade, you eliminated from these United States 106 million people gone into the ocean, sunk forever, washed into the abyss. Bob, you killed 81 million people, sunk them into the abyss. It's not as much less as I would have thought. I think you made good efficient cuts without costing us too many lives. I'm going to give you a point for that. All right.
So in terms of efficiency of cuts, Bob... You came out on top because Texas for some reason. So you also said money saver.
Because somehow, Wade, in terms of total area cut, you cut one point one three six million square miles, whereas Bob cut one point one four million square miles. Oh, really?
even with texas in there wade somehow you made cuts to those small uh states offset the texas cut he picked rhode island i did get like montana minnesota wisconsin i got some of those pretty big like plain states middle of the country states utah's pretty big new mexico's pretty big so uh that puts wade as the space saver so he made the most efficient cuts in terms of
Yeah, yeah. No, no. You cut more land, Bob. Okay, well. So for the remainder, the remaining land that is left over, the population is 152 million people. So still good. You didn't cut. Neither of you cut more than that amount. GDP is 13.6. Well, you don't need to. You don't have to.
That's good, Beth. All right. $13.69 trillion and 1.471 million square miles. Now I'm going to give another point to who made the best saves. Who used their veto wisest and contributed more money, population GDP, I'm counting as one category, to the new United States? Wade, you saved Georgia and New Hampshire. Bob, you saved Michigan and Illinois. I don't know which way this is going to swing.
Okay, so Michigan. Georgia was probably pretty good. Michigan, 10,077,331 population. As of last, Illinois is 12,710,158 population. That was for yours, Bob's Georgia. Oh, Chicago is going to be pretty big, though. Ooh, but Georgia has 11,180,000.
thousand eight hundred and seventy eight and then new hampshire five people that's one million three hundred ninety five so by population that also goes to bob yeah that's fair but let's look at the other numbers uh gdp uh that's uh one point one trillion this is one trillion and 651 million for over there should have saved tennessee georgia is 888 billion uh new hampshire is 93 billion oh no i think i think
Bob might have made the best saves, and I think in terms of land as well. That point goes to Bob. Bob used his vetoes wisely.
I think if you had to use your last veto weight on that last chance, it could have gotten you that one. But I think Bob just somehow got the bonus point for that one. All right. And so with that, we come to a close. Uh, congratulations, guys. I'm sure this didn't make anybody mad, and, uh, no one's, uh, going to come after you.
There might be a few states that come to the subreddit and be like, why wasn't I cut? Why, why, why was I in here?
that's fair all right and with the points stand as thus bob you got a point for sketchy pumps uh tarantula mating season you got the lifesaver most population most money saved and you made the best use of your vetoes wade your relationship is in shambles you failed to knock on wood i feel like we have two very different interpretations
I'm not using it today, weirdly enough, but it is really, really interesting. The only reason I'm not using it is because there's an old-school pencil sharpener here. Ooh. So I... They work so well. Like, I haven't used these since school.
I wrote down lignin balls, though, but that's part of the same point. All right. And then you save the most land. It's like we're very tied.
No, I got it. Most time looked off screen. Most time looking away from camera. I do that a lot.
I was going to call it, but it just is what it is. I'm going to take my L. All right, fair enough. So a 6-3 victory for Bob. He secures it, and he is now king of the new 13 United States. The new United States. We're going to coin that. It's going to catch on. So saith Bob, first of his name. And here's his speech.
Well, this podcast is what all of you listeners and viewers deserve, for sure. Be sure to follow it to get more of what you deserve on a regular basis, or at least be alerted of it, or at least make us look really good in the eyes of the people that care about those things. All right, follow these guys. Bob and Wade, MySkrim, LordMany777, my name is Mark Blair.
We'll be back with more Distractible very soon. Have a good day. Don't be offended, but if you are, go to the subreddit. Subreddit.com slash r slash Distractible. D-I-S-T-R-E-S-T-I-B-L-E. Podcast out.
Waiting, waiting in line to sharpen your pencil is just such a strange thing. I mean, I'm sure there are still schools that do sharpen your pencils, but just like I haven't had to deal with that in so long.
It doesn't smell good. Actually, I think this has been handled by many people.
There was a kid. No, I'm just saying. It wasn't me.
It didn't get like shredded like you would think because it didn't go all the way in. But the front, whatever the sharpener was, it had a front like round like metal tube. And that was sharp. So it cut a circular hole right into it. Oh, I don't like that very much. I'm going to deduct a point for myself for that. Yeah, that's not good.
Napkins are actually made of lignin.
Cardboard's wood, right? Cardboard's just compressed paper, but if you count paper as wood... It's closer to wood than paper is.
Then again, I don't know what cardboard's made of, so what do I know? I might be completely off based on that. Actually, is paper even made of lignin? Why do I think that?
Yeah, yeah, lignin cellulose. It's the, I believe it's the binder. Cut this out. What am I talking about? This is so boring. What are we doing here? What are we doing here? Oh, God. Someone make a dick joke.
No, it's funny. It's funny. It's funny. All right. Not to brag about myself, but I've always been a very bad gift giver. I'm just notoriously terrible at giving gifts.
I have been making it a point of getting better. And this latest gift that I got her, I think really it was a lot cooler than I thought it would be because I thought it would be pretty, pretty neat. But this I think I really, really fucking nailed it this year because I got her image stabilized binoculars. Okay. She's been doing some bird watching.
There's this app that like has bird noises and it recognizes what bird species and you can kind of log what it is.
So she's been looking out for him and I didn't even know this was a thing. You can get binoculars that you put a battery in there and when you press a button, it'll literally stable it like it stabilizes a camera. All of a sudden the image, because holding binoculars is always like, and then you feel sick after a little bit. None of that. Press that button, instantly stable. It's awesome.
That's pretty sick. If anyone out there is looking for a good gift, it's not cheap. I believe it was 700 bucks for this one. But it was good. It was good binoculars. Well, for what it is, yeah. They're really nice, and with the image stabilization, they become infinitely more usable. You can just, like, you can track things and spot them. We were watching people climb up this mountain.
Hello, welcome to Distractible. Thank you for joining us for another evening and or morning, or you're that weirdo that's staying up until midnight for when the episode releases. Hey, you're the best and weirdest of them all. Thank you.
Yeah, well, the more disturbing part of it was that she was watching it dig in the ground, right? So she was like, oh, it might be going for, I didn't see it at the time. So this is the story. She was watching it dig in the ground and it was really scratching at it and it was flinging dirt everywhere. And it was kind of going at this hole that was already there.
And she wasn't sure if it was going after like a chipmunk or something. And then as it's digging for like five, six minutes here, it just pulls out. Like if my head is the bird size, massive, just tarantula. And she's seeing it all in extreme detail, gigantic. And what it made us realize that all the holes in the ground in the entire area were probably tarantulas.
But this is Distractible, the show where I'm the host and these two are the competitors in the game of my choosing, which is usually made up and half-fleshed out and not quite done, which is no exception on this episode. But before we get into any of that... We're going to discover what's going on in our lives or the world around us. It doesn't have to be our lives.
No, it sounds terrifying. I would not care for that. I mean, that's what happens when the cicadas come out, I think, is they're just out there...
17 whatever it is there has been an emergence that started like two days ago it would be if it was the big one that whole wall would be covered and every tree would be covered but yeah i don't know when i keep hearing or i keep thinking each summer that's going to be like oh this is the big one no no i thought this was one of the years let me see it might be it might be this year yeah
But I'm like, yeah, let me just stay gone for two hours while she just had surgery. Get her meds, go home. Every 30 minutes. Sie muss einen Eispack auf ihren Kopf legen, einen kleinen Stapel, was auch immer. Und dann 30 Minuten später den Eispack aufnehmen oder in den Friseur legen. Für zwei straight Tage. Das wurde so viel teuerer, als ich gedacht hätte.
Es war wie, was kannst du für die 20 Minuten zwischen Eispack machen? Sit down for a second. Du konntest wirklich nichts tun. Es war einfach so, dass mein Leben für die ersten zwei Tage Eispack war. Und mittlerweile ist sie, wie du weißt, geblasen, was auch immer, der erste Tag, der zweite Tag. Ich denke, es ging ziemlich schnell.
Ich denke, die Schmerzmediziner und alles andere waren noch ziemlich gut. Am 2. Tag sah sie aus, als wäre sie wirklich gut. Und dann, drei, vier und fünf Tage später, war die Schmerz wirklich ausgelöst. Sie war sehr schmerzhaft. Sie gab ihr eine starke Narkotikschmerzmedikation, Oxycodone. Sie gab ihr fünf totale Pillen. Und sie war so, dass das fünf Tage dauern sollte.
I'm good, Wade. I'm doing quite well. If this is your first time joining, this is the show where one of us hosts, the other two compete for points, and the winner gets to host the next episode. We usually and will continue the trend of starting this off with some small talk, which I myself have some, but I will choose to go last with it.
Und es war nicht mal die 10 Milligramm, sondern die 5 Milligramm. Und ich musste sie halbieren, damit sie lange genug dauern. Und diese sind nicht halbiert, super sauber. Es gab viele verpasste Pille. Aber Mann, oh Mann, waren fünf davon nicht genug, um sich von Mundschutz zu retten.
Es ist viel zu weit gegangen. Ich hatte etwas wirklich Minerales. Ich erinnere mich nicht, was es war. Ich erinnere mich, dass ich in 2018 in etwas ging. Und ich schwöre, sie haben mir dann auch Oxycodone gegeben. Als du deine Ballen auf Tour brachst. I feel like I had a whole bottle of it that was like half full and I maybe took two of them and then like we just had to dispose of the rest.
I guess I could have sold it illegally and made lots of money, but I decided what I should do was give it back or whatever.
I didn't because we ended up having two half full bottles of it. So I was just like, I feel weird having this in my house. Let's get rid of this. But now, whenever Molly really needed it, five pills just felt really quite not enough.
Als du älter wirst, wird es schlimmer, wie wir herausgefunden haben. Wenn du jünger bist, werden sie es entfernen und ich glaube, das Bein wird auf sich selbst heilen und wieder in den Gap zurückwachsen. Aber wenn du älter wirst, passiert das nicht. Also haben sie einen Bein-Graft auf dem Entfernen gemacht. Fun. Ja, sie gab ihr sehr wenig Schmerzmedizin für das.
Das normale Ãœber-die-Kante-Zeug, das war eine ziemlich hohe Dosis von Schmerzmedizin. Aber nichts, was ich an den narkotischen Schmerzmedizin nicht denke. Nimm ein bisschen extra-Streng-Tylenol. Das wird dich reparieren.
I feel like it's polite to let you two tell your small talk first. So, how's things?
Ja, sie sagen, hier ist dein 5-Oxycodone, aber auch 1.000 Milligramm von diesem, 800 Milligramm von dem und hier ist dein 2,5 Milligramm am Tag des echten guten.
It's been not a fun past couple of days for her, yeah.
Not everyone wants that. So what if you have like a subscription service for like, I don't know, $12 a month to remove the ads from your glasses?
Versteck die Kabel, versteck die Kabel, ich bin Finnland. Versteck sie. Finnland mich. Also, ich habe entschieden, basierend darauf, wie viel ich denke, dass das Menschen zusammenbringt und einfach ein erhebliches Thema ist, das die Welt glücklich bringt. Ich werde in vier Jahren Präsident werden. Oh! President Barnes on the way. I never thought about that.
I feel like Barnes is too long of a name for a president. Something about just shorting it to President Bald. So I might change my last name.
Wade, Lee Market. Now, here's the thing. I have to pick a vice president. And there's like all these cabinet positions and attorney general. You guys are going to help give me definitely the best picks for each position. I went ahead and wrote them out. If you guys are wondering why I was counting earlier, it's because I need write down position numbers.
As president, I'm gonna do insert things that you want me to do here. AI will fill it in, because that's the way the world's going, right? Give me actually, though, just the most unhinged picks for each position. Specifically unhinged? However you want to take it, but we're not here to break down military careers and actual Democrat, Republican, whatever. Do they have to be alive?
Do they have to be alive? No. Wir können einige Kabinettsmitglieder reanimieren. Sie müssen nicht wirklich sein. Wir haben die Technologie und in vier Jahren haben wir im Grunde genommen fliegende Autos und so weiter. Also lasst mich euch die Liste hier geben.
Ich habe den Staatssekretär für Landwirtschaft, Verbraucherschutz, Verteidigung, Bildung, Energie, Gesundheit und Menschenrechte, Landwirtschaftsfreiheit, Wohnungs- und Umweltentwicklung. Das Innere ist sehr mysteriös. Ich weiß nicht, ob es das Innere eines Autos, eines Hauses ist. Das Innere von was? Arbeit, Staat, Transport, Treasurerie, Veteranen-Affäre und Staatsanwalt.
Ohne zu schauen, was die anderen tun, werden wir nur unsere besten Werte nehmen.
Also erstens ist der Vizepräsident. Ich brauche euch alle, um mir einen Vizepräsidenten-Nominierten zu geben, den ich wählen kann. I don't know what Vice President even actually does, other than like make appearances.
Let me get this straight, Bob. Are you rescinding Geico, Caveman and Cousinette and putting yourself in the fold?
Whoa, that's crazy. I didn't know you met you. I might have to give this one to Mark only because Bob, your first instinct was more hair and Mark has more hair than you and I both.
Just based on Bob's own criteria, I gotta give the first VP point to Mark. The more hair, the boldness. Whatever you say, President and friend. It'd be the first time the President walks into a room and everyone runs past him. Are you Markiplier? Can I get a photo?
My kid's such a fan of you. I don't know why. That might work to our advantage.
What's the next position? The Secretary of Agriculture. What do they do? I think they hand out rakes. The Green Giant.
That's true, we do have an Ohio eating the pest and immigrant farmer crisis.
I don't think this needs much debate. A green giant, great, but like he lives on the can. The corn goes through it all. Even through the American people. Done. Cornfield. I wasn't thinking, I wasn't thinking. Starting to regret my VP pick here, I don't know.
Danke Gott für das. Nächster Punkt, Minister des Einkommens. Es muss ein Geldspiel sein. Das ist ein schwieriger Punkt, weil deine Instinkte dir sagen werden, ein Pile von Geld.
Apparently his net worth is somewhere between half a million and three million dollars. So we're just going to give him billions. I would have thought more. I mean, that's kind of his whole thing.
I think he and Field of Korn would get along really well too.
Wir müssen weitergehen. Ich muss das an Mark geben. Billionär Bernie Sanders. Ich denke immer nur an ihn, der mit dem Fotoshoot mit Field of Korn zusammenhängt.
Auch das Bild von Burger King ist wie ein Meister und Kommandeur, mit seiner Hand außerhalb des Fensters, schließlich, weil es an ihm regnet. Ich genieße es für irgendeinen Grund.
No, we got you. You're like masochistic for Bernie Sanders. We got you.
Wait. Yes. Secretary of Defense. This is not that important of one probably. So let's go quick on that.
Was zur Hölle hast du gerade gesagt? Ich habe alles verstanden. Sieh, Mark, das ist, weshalb du mehr VP-Material bist.
Aber ich bin kein Seahawks-Fan. Und in Wahrheit war ich ein Peyton Manning-Fan. Und sie zu sehen, wie sie ihn in den Playoffs zerstört haben, war wie einer der besten Offensiven aller Zeiten.
Okay, Kratos, den Mark auch verabschiedet, könnte die anderen Generäle töten und sich übernehmen.
Niemand kommt in dieses Land. Es wird aufgedrückt, was auch immer mit Legion of Boom kommt. Bob, du hast den Punkt. Ja. Ich fühle mich auch verabschiedet, aber es hat funktioniert. Eine andere nicht sehr wichtige Frage, der Staatssekretär der Bildung. Do we even need one of those? I feel like I know enough. Skip. I think education is destroying this country. For sure. I'm sad now.
Ja, Jarn... Jarnigan? Jarnigan Wilson.
Du willst Joe von Idiocracy oder Luke Wilson?
I know of this movie, I've not actually seen it. I need to see it, it's on my list. I've been told about it like three times in the last two years, which is wild. But he's like the only one that still has a moderate amount of intelligence by the end of the movie, right?
Okay, so we have Luke Wilson as what's-his-face from Idiocracy. Mark, Secretary.
You know, I feel like teachers aren't really allowed to punish students and like you get away with a lot in school nowadays. Maybe we need to harken back to the gods times of education. So you know what? I like Luke Wilson. That's such an obscure pick. But let's get Kratos in there. Let's really teach some lessons to people.
I also just realized I've been writing down your guys points backwards for a minute. So I had to fix a couple of things.
Ich dachte, man, Bob ist wirklich weg mit dem. Aber das ist, weil ich ihm auch Bernie und Kratos gegeben habe.
Secretary of Energy. We need someone real energetic. Sec Edge. Oh, Sec Edge. Oh yeah. Sonic. Sonic. The Hedgehog, I'm assuming right now.
He would know. And relates well to the people working at the DMV, deals with all kinds of people.
I was counting something and broke my brain. How high did you get this time? 17. You didn't even make it to 2 and 2. I was trying to get to 15, but I ended up at 17.
Well, I mean, if you're gonna say it, alright, then I'll give it to Bob. Wait, no, he's not that right. Flash wins. Damn it. Secretary of Health and Human Services. This one sounds stupid. Gotta be really important. I mean, health, human service, health probably matters. Human services, like dentist. Human services, like shoeshine.
Man, just hopping in there. Hey, Dr. Scholz will get things underfoot.
He's the Doctor. I love Dr. Scholz, because man, my feet feel a lot better. But time travel?
I'm going to make this a really intelligent decision. Hey, Mark, odds are even. Odds? All right. Why'd you do it on the floor?
Another not that important one, Homeland Security. I'm pretty secure in my homeland. Are you insecure about your homeland?
Ozymandias ist der smarte Kerl, richtig? Ich dachte, du meinst den blauen Penis-Kerl. Du meinst den smarten Kerl. Nein, das ist Dr. Manhattan. Oh, Spoilers, Leute, für diesen Film, der rausgekommen ist. Und ich erinnere mich nicht, was Jahr, wie 2004 oder so. Aber er ist einer der wenigen schlechten Kerlein, der tatsächlich wirklich smart ist und nicht mit dem Monologen am Anfang Zeit verpasst.
Er wartet, bis er gewinnt. Ist er ein schlechter Kerl?
Yes, I Alright, Ozymandias. We both agree. Man, I thought Homelander was a shoe-in, but Bob pulled that.
This one, probably the most important pick. Housing and urban development. I love comfy house.
I've not finished the last four episodes. I'm actually watching that show right now.
Too perfect, Bob. I gotta give it to Bob the Builder.
Yes, that's me. I'm Bob. Mark wins the point, but you might win the position.
Sein kleiner Spruch war, und ich schreibe, ich habe Dinge gebaut. Bob ist in der Tat der Builder, also Mark hat den Punkt.
Okay, ich denke, das hat mir einfach eine Fieber gegeben. Also mein Vizepräsident repräsentiert den Nominierten.
Also du wolltest den Punkt gewinnen, aber du willst nicht, dass es dieser Bob ist, ohne dass du ihn repräsentierst.
Er kam rein, versuchte den Namen zu schweigen. Ich meine, Jack Black ist Steve von Minecraft, also kann Bob nicht Bob, der Builder sein?
Okay, wir werden endlich den Staatsanwalt bekommen. Das wird eine sehr wichtige Auswahl sein, um mich zu helfen, diese Aussage zu gewinnen. Okay, wir haben 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 noch. Leute, wir fliegen durch das.
Oh, okay. Ich fühle mich, als würde der Tardis helfen, Dr. Who, mit dem du gewonnen hast. Also muss ich es der Agoraphobie geben.
This person has to be the secretary of labor while also either being in labor or pushing a boulder up a hill.
I feel like this administration needs a woman's touch. We're going with the woman in labor.
I guess we'll leave it up to the field of corn to tell us.
Sorry Mark, but unfortunately it's all Ohio and it always has been. Secretary of Transportation.
I also wake up in the middle of the night, I'm just like, one, two, three, four, five! And Molly's like, what the hell? I'm like, six? !
The choice is not even mine, Lightning McQueen. Gotta trust my VP here. Hahaha.
I'm glad Bob knew the name. This is the Cave of Wonders, it sure is. Thank God I'm your president. This is why you're in charge. Okay, Scrooge McDuck has a pool of treasure.
Oh, but his bird's gonna shit all over the White House. That's okay. That's alright. That's going to Cave of Wonders. I like Gino. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Secretary of Veterans Affairs. I don't know why veterans are having a lot of affairs, but I guess we gotta have a secretary for them. Fuck around and find out, am I right? What was it? Veterans Affairs.
Wasn't there a big data leak? There was. Ashley got hacked and all of her secrets came pouring out. Look, it's hard. It's a hard world, okay?
Oh boy, I can't wait to hear who it is.
This entire episode has helped Mark find God, everyone.
I have to choose between a website where you go to cheat on your spouse and Jesus.
After three days he rises, whereas some of us guys, every day we rise. You know what I mean? No, what? Morningwood joke. I'm glad this is your choice to make, Wade.
Mark's title is Mark representing Jesus. Man, you have a wide cast of clients. Bob the Builder and Jesus.
Jesus was holding up a thing with an autograph.
Alright, this is an important one. Attorney General.
By the way, by David Spader? Did you mean James Spader? Yeah, no, no, he said David Spade. He said David Spade.
What's his name? Let me tell you, the character's name is Alan Shore. Alan Shore, that's who I meant. You know what? You both want the same person? I agree. You both get a point. Alright, I'll take it. I do. Neither one of you actually said Alan Shore. I got David Spader and James Spader.
Ja, aber welcher Seite ist ausgeschlossen? Sind alle von Europa weg, oder sind Finnland und Schweden weg?
You both won Alan Shore. I'll give you both Alan Shore. Bob, I apparently won Alan Shore.
Das ist der Typ aus dem Show. Das sind alle Positionen, die ich kenne. Glaubst du, dass es irgendwelche Sekretäre gibt, die wir nicht haben?
Ich hatte die Sekretärin der Technologie geschrieben, weil ich fühle mich, dass Internet und Technologie so groß werden, dass sie wirklich mehr Dedikation brauchen, als was vielleicht... Das klingt blöd. Boote, aber... Sekretärin der Boote. Sek-Boat. Bob, wer ist dein Sek-Boat-Leader?
Mark, who's the leader of Secretary of Technology?
Alright, last one. Secretary of Technology. I'm making it a thing. Pick one? Both. I like boat. We get two secretary of boat.
I didn't feel like deciding, so I've got Steve Jobs and CEO NVIDIA both. You haven't decided for like the past three entries. Two, only two, and they're the two fake cabinet positions. This is the kind of decisiveness I expect from my presidential candidate.
Maybe I just like them both so much that rather than picking one arbitrarily, because there's always only been one, I'm thinking outside the box and saying, you know what, two minds is better than one.
Because I'm innovative. I'm thinking outside the Xbox. PlayStation 5, got it. Let me go through real quick our picks here. Then I'll calculate points. President, me, no discussion. VP, Mark. Secretary of Agriculture, a field of corn. Secretary of Commerce, I believe was billionaire Bernie Sanders. Secretary of Defense, the Legion of Boom. Secretary of Education, Kratos.
Secretary of Energy, the sloth from Zootopia, I believe won that one. His name's Flash. Das war's für heute. Bis zum nächsten Mal. Tschüss.
I don't know if that's really a lady or just the name of the website. It has to be, right? I don't know, is she real?
Well, while you guys look up Ashley Madison, because I'm not putting that on my computer, Secretary of State, Ohio, Secretary of Transportation, did I give that to Lightning McQueen or Elon? I think I gave it to Lightning McQueen, because Mark was just like, yes, that one. Secretary of the Treasury... Cave of Wonders.
Was, glaube ich, mein Punkt erläutert, dass ihr beide Punkte verlieren solltet, um eine Frau zum Kabinett zu nominieren. Jesus hat Ashlee Maddison sowieso gewonnen. Oh, das ist richtig. Herr Staatssekretär, wir waren beide mit euch, James und David Spader. Herr Staatssekretär von Boat war Captain Obvious und Captain Crunch.
Herr Staatssekretär von Technologie, Steve Apple slash Jobs und CEO NVIDIA. I thought I went with Craig Federighi. Maybe you did, but I didn't write it down because I'd already written stuff down. Whatever the points.
Uh, Bob, you got points for being a builder, Wade not listening, hair, hair, sec ag, cornfield, legion of boom, flash sloth, actor who rolled evens, ozymandias, agor, probably agoraphobia, ohio, lightning mcqueen, captain crunch, boat, alan shore, steve jobs apple, Und du hast fünf Punkte verloren für nicht genug Frauen, die für Kabinettspositionen nominiert wurden. Das ist ziemlich fair.
Ich habe einen nominiert. Ich habe einen nominiert. Ich bekomme nichts mehr. Ich habe es noch nicht erreicht. Mark, du hast Punkte für Shit Broke and It's Funny.
They're yearning waiting. Nevermind, I tried.
custom water cooling buy internet for finland and sweden words vp bernie kratos bob bilder woman in labor cave of wonders jesus conceding boldly multiple times to bob alan shore ceo nvidia it looks like it says hotel but gay i don't think that's what it says hotel boat guy God, I've got terrible writing.
Mark, you lost five points for you both not nominating enough women to positions.
I'll take ten points off of myself for appointing you both to nominate people and failing, ultimately. I'll take the blame. As president, I will take the blame. Yeah, I think that does fall on you and not us at all. All right. Mark, du hattest 10 Punkte. Das ist nicht genug. Bob, du hattest 11 Punkte.
16 zu 50, das war knapp. So knapp, Mark. Ja, ja, ja, ja. Alle, es ist Zeit. Ich muss... Ich weiß nicht, wie Präsidenten Geld für ihre Advertisementen erzielen. Vielleicht ist es ein GoFundMe oder so. Ich freue mich auf das, das kommt. Wir werden Geld für unsere... War... War... War... War... War... War... War... That's it. War chest. War closet. War chest. Doesn't matter.
I can do good math. Vote for me. Mark's on the ticket. Bob's building. What else do you need? Vote for Mark. Everyone knows it's just a vote for Mark. And friend for president. 2028. Every vote for us gets one Mark's signature sent to there.
Wir hatten einen ganzen Super-Hero-Episode, in dem ich euch die Möglichkeit gab, großartige Kräfte zu haben, und ihr hattet Schmerzen und Schmerzen aneinander. Ja, wirklich hart.
If you haven't already, you can find us online for now. Markiplier, Bob Meister, me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. We have merch, distractiblestore.com. Stay tuned for the next one where Bob will do something. Until then, I've got my presidential dice and don't worry, I'll be rolling it. Let's just hope for some Nat 20s for this country. Podcast out.
Da war ein Guardians of the Galaxy Videogame, das vor ein paar Jahren rausgekommen ist. Und es hat mich ein bisschen gedauert, darauf zu kommen, weil die Vorbilder sind komplett anders als die Leute in den Filmen. Und du kannst dich ein bisschen damit gewöhnt werden, wie sie aussehen, was auch immer. Aber das Schreiben und die Charaktere, ich weiß nicht.
Ich habe sie am Ende mehr in dem Videogame lieben, als ich sie in den Filmen liebte. Und Drax ist einer davon, wo es so ist, er ist tatsächlich, sie haben Zeit, seinen Charakter auszuspüren. Und es ist so, okay, das ist wirklich gut. Ich würde die Videogame sehr empfehlen, wenn du das Gefühl willst. Willkommen zurück.
Yeah, John Krasinski this shit, Office this. Do you have a wall? Can you throw your thing behind you down and just write on the wall? I don't know why, but I thought you were gonna go with, can you throw your feces at the wall in the shape of your answers? I would give a lot of bonus points if he could spell words by just flinging shit at the wall behind him.
Okay, buddy, you got a shit broke and it's funny point. Since I didn't listen to any of your small talk, I figured I made it up to you.
Hey alle, willkommen wieder zu einem neuen Episode von Distractable Live. Heute ist unser Host... Spooky! Du hast mich getroffen, als ich mein Leben bewegte. Wie hast du das gemacht, Mann? Begrüßt wie immer von meinen Freunden und Spooky-Co-Hosts, Mark und Bob.
Nein, ich bin verrückt. Oh, ich weiß. Man, ich habe etwa negative 10 Punkte, um dieses Video zu starten. Das ist nicht ein guter Start für mich. Nein, komm schon. Es war lustig, Mann. Ich habe gelacht.
I wasn't wrong by it adding up to thousands of dollars, it sounds like by the end of this.
Good work. I listened. I paid attention. Yeah. Thanks, man. I'm gonna give Bob an extra point for me not paying attention to what he had to say. Thanks, man. So my little bit of small talk. I don't know how interesting it is, but Molly had her wisdom teeth removed this last Thursday. Es war ziemlich viel.
Am ersten Tag, als sie nach Hause kam, ging die Arztpraxis gut und es war meistens auf Reste. Und sie gab ihr viele Schmerzmittel, die ich noch nicht weiß, ob es genug genug war, aber viele Schmerzmittel. Ich musste ihre Präzisionen holen, Schmerzmittel und dann Antibiotika und so weiter. Und sie riefen sie nicht rein oder sowas. Sie gaben mir nur schriftliche Präzisionen.
Also musste ich die Präzisionen auswählen, für die es eine Linie gab. Ich denke, das ist immer die Antwort. Sag mir, ob ich falsch bin. Aber wenn du eine Präzision auswählst, ist die Antwort, dass diese immer in einer Stunde bereit sein werden.
So an hour or more. An hour, it's a bit of a drive to get to where like her meds are. So it was like, well, I'd spend half an hour driving back and then coming back again. So do I just, what do I do? Meanwhile, Molly's at home, like in bed, supposed to be like, you know, I don't know. I don't think she's supposed to be alone at this time or after surgery.
It's doing something to my vision, yeah.
That's not the point, shareholders. Shareholders.
I'm not investing in your domino scheme. That's my favorite metaphor. It's a house of cards. Cards stack forever. The only requirement is you need enough suckers at the bottom to build it on. As long as you keep piling up suckers, the cards will go up and up, and you're definitely not trapped at whatever level you happen to be at. You'll be a top card.
Yeah, they're really stuck down there. Like, even if they wanted to give up, those bottom cards are holding the system up, whether they like it or not.
Uplifting, Wynn. Thank you. It started there. Bengals, yay! Money, boo! It's amazing how much pro, man, I should have been a pro athlete. They don't tell you that when you're in high school and you're like, oh, let me be a scientist or whatever. No, we should all aspire to be quarterbacks in the NFL. That's where the money is. You know, those guys retire at like the age of like 37, 40 years old.
If you ignore the traumatic brain injuries, it's amazing.
Try and remember the third grade. Anyway, I have a topic for this episode. Let's go do that. The last episode, Mark did a sequel to one of his all-time greats. So I'm going to do the exact same thing. Love it. To one of my all-time greats. The original episode that this is a sequel for was called Bigger or Smaller. And it was a real good. I think we might have done two of those.
I don't even remember. It was a good one. I think we have.
I've got a new one, guys. Are you ready? I'm ready. Faster or slower? Right? Uh-huh. Faster, baby. Yeah, it's already good, I can tell. Yes, more. How do I take away collapse?
suck those back in uh faster or slower last time we did i'm just gonna say a thing and we're just gonna debate whether it'd be better if it was extremely fast or extremely slow as compared to the way it actually works in the real world and we can talk about the nitty-gritty some of these some of these don't make sense and we're gonna have to sort of establish a framework for what it even means for something to be faster or slower but we'll we'll get there we'll get there
I'm going to start with one that we've kind of covered before, and I feel like the answer is obvious to just to dip our toes in going to the bathroom. Would it be better if that was hyperbolically fast or glacially slow going to the bathroom? All, all, both of those kinds of things to everyone has to write the hard kind or the liquid kind, both. How much faster are we talking here?
Like a reinforced titanium toilet faster. Ceramics are not going to cut it. And the slower is like, I'm going to need all day for this. Yeah, well, so it's on both parts, right? So I'm imagining that the faster is like, you have to go, your meter builds up a lot faster, so you have to go a lot, but then you only need to go for like two seconds or something, right?
So it happens in short, but it's... But so the slow one is like, you only need to go to the bathroom like once a week, but then you're in the bathroom for like... I don't know, like 10 straight hours or something like it's an hour. I know. So it's there's a I don't know what the scale is. Right. But it's something like that where it's it's faster in the doing it.
But it's also faster or slower in terms of like how frequently that you have to come back around to it.
You could still keep doing stuff while you were shitting your pants as long as you were going to wrap it up and get home soon enough.
Everything while you're going to the bathroom, you also either move in super fast or super slow motion. That might change it a little bit. That's like a superpower.
I told you I picked an easy one to start with. The answer should be obvious. Faster. No.
She sounded like a disappointed parrot. Like, no, no.
done and then you wash your hands you go back out like 10 minutes later you're like time to go again or how frequent if you're pooping for 10 hours i mean it's it's it's up for debate right we have to establish i'm allowing you to imagine however it would pan out and make your arguments so it's not like every five seconds you have to go to the bathroom or something it has you have to be able to live a life is it just me or everyone it's just it's just you oh shit
No, no, no, no, no. This is an aberration. It's just you. You have to live with it.
I mean, maybe you just need to build a toilet in your car if that's your life. Really big diaper.
You need special Kevlar diapers, special ripstop diapers. That's very expensive. Well, you just need, like, an outer diaper, right? You put on your normal Depends, and then you put your Kevlar outer layer on so that you can kind of... You're still going to eat through the Depends, though, if your urine's like...
if you get like you get like food poisoning or something you get like really bad like diarrhea by the time you're done wiping and cleaning up you have to go again like no
You think you'd be allowed into the theme park. Eventually the public would understand what's going on with you. And you would not be, you would not be permitted in art museums anywhere. There's a large crowds of people. You would, it would become a, become a situation.
Thank you. Thank you. This is exactly how I hope this would go. All right. I have another one. This is more of a, I will push the boundaries of this one with, we're going to have to decide what exactly this means, but I experiencing spicy food. I, I struggle. Like I like, uh, I like a buffalo wing. Right. But there's like I have a low threshold for what's too spicy for me.
And this is a thing where it's like if you ate just like it was apocalyptically, if you ate a spoonful of pure capsaicin or whatever, and would you experience it as a slow, a super slow thing or a super fast thing?
Yeah, no, you would need like IV fluids and stuff. That would be a whole situation.
We didn't really address that. That's not fair.
Right. So it's sort of slow and it builds to the same peak of like spiciness. But I guess this is for me a thing where the thing that gets me with spicy food usually for me is the panic where I'll eat something and I'm like, oh, it's spicy. Oh, oh, wait, it's too spicy. It's like, what what do I think is going to happen? It's not like I'm going to pass away because this is spicy. It just is spicy.
But I have that feeling in me of like, oh, oh, it's oh, God. Oh, God. If it was slower, you could have a lot more time to be like, this is, yeah, it's spicy, but you're like settled, right? You're adjusting. You maintain an equilibrium as you're experiencing the spiciness.
just right here so it's like the peak is way higher but it's for like a second but it's also like getting a nuke in your mouth so yeah so it's like a total volume thing let's say so like the volume under the curve for the fast one it's a very narrow very tall curve but it has the same amount of like space so for the slow one it's like you're saying it like flattens out and stretches out it's the same general amount of volume of whatever
Yeah. Well, cause that's even with the way spicy food is normally, that's kind of the thing, right? Like I haven't done it really, but I've seen you do hot sauce and there's like a cycle where you do it and you start it and you're like, Oh,
but you reach a point where it's still basically that level of spicy but you're just like ah it's gonna be okay and you start to get the like the endorphins or something and it changes right does that mean wade's gonna get a spike of endorphins just as it's gonna be so hot You're going to get so hooked on it. Every 30 seconds, you're going to be like, I need some more.
no but see that's the thing is I don't I don't do spicy food a lot but I feel that too when I'm in the right mood and I and I there are certain like sauces I know like wing sauces or like flavored things where it's like this is a spice level I know I can handle it's like right up right under my tolerance the experience you have that when I eat those things when I'm in the mood the experience of like building that up and getting the prolonged nature of it like Michael your whole face is like watering or whatever and you're like
in it it is it's fun that's part of the fun of it is you're like i'm it's it's i'm surviving this it's fun it's doing something it's i feel alive i got stuff to do i don't have all day to be building up heat like oh you got two days a week to poop
You got half your life to spend shitting.
Look, this is maybe not a problem that you normal-sized humans have, but my shirt's... Literally, if I don't have the right kind of hangers, my t-shirts don't hang. They fall off. If I have like a slippery hanger, like just a smooth plastic hanger, my neck holes are so big that they barely even stay on. I'm enormous. Oh, mine just sit on a hanger. I'm like an elephant.
But it is also way higher. I get where Wade is coming from, but I think I'm going to go with Mark on this one. I like the slow. I will say this debate in other contexts is not going away. So this sort of experiential faster, slower thing, there's other opportunities to litigate this again.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Elephants have a good sense of smell, right? We've talked about that.
That sounds like a thing I would say, yeah.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Also, I do feel bad. I brought up Lexi in the episode that came out recently when we were recording that, and then it's later now. Lexi is okay. She did have cancer. She does have cancer. The surgery was successful. She seems to be healing up okay. We might need to do...
chemo or something else as a follow-up but like she's got a lot of energy she's eating she's happy aside from her leg i think being kind of sore but she's okay and i'm sorry i left everyone in the unawares it's okay and thank you i saw people talking about that on the subreddit i appreciate in getting older news i have a question for you guys
least reliable vacuum we ever learned that's what i thought right when we mark i hated your argument so much i agree with me no but i was with you but i that's the thing right is it's hard it's hard to tell now that we're in the future from 50 years ago it's easy for us to to look at stuff and be like look at this thing this thing was built in the 50s or 60s or whenever the
Look, it stood the test of time. Yeah, well, we fucking know that now, don't we? There were products that were built back then that didn't stand the test of time that we have never heard of. And so you have to have some knowledge or faith in a company and what they're trying to do. And if their goal is to build something that lasts you the rest of your life, you have to kind of...
get lucky and, or have enough knowledge and do enough research that you find a thing where it's like, yeah, this is a, this I think is a product that will last me forever without having any test samples, because this is a product that didn't exist before three years ago or whatever. But yeah, we had, we spent the money. We were like, let's get a nice vacuum.
We've only ever owned like, you know, like cheapo, whatever vacuums. Cause we were college kids. Let's get a Dyson. It's on sale. It's still expensive. Let's do it. We'll own this thing. It broke after five years. It just it just stopped working. It had some sort of issue with an electronic and it stopped charging and we got a different battery and that just fucking broke.
That's why they call men over the age of 65 soggy sex. Never heard that term. It's common. It's common.
No, I still generally agree with Wade's point. I think planned obsolescence is definitely a thing and it sucks. It's not realistic to buy a thing that costs multiple times more than what it should cost to buy the one that is just on the shelf at the regular store. Just because you think it might last your whole life.
Because if it doesn't, you spent a thousand fucking dollars on a Dyson vacuum that you threw into the dump when you moved. I'm not mad about it. I'm not mad about it at all.
All right. Well, we're going to move on from that to something that I'm sure won't be contentious. Faster or slower taxes. And this is one where if you live outside America, it might be hard to connect. The tax systems are very different in other places.
But in America, the way it works is once a year on April 15th, you have to pay your taxes and you have to guess exactly what that number might be. And if you're wrong, the government gets real upset about it.
They don't tell you how much you owe to the government, even though the government knows because all the documents you get from your employer or from other sources of income, if you sell stuff online or like we do, we get stuff from YouTube and from doing the podcast stuff. All those documents that you get that tell you about your income, those are all filed with the government.
Those documents exist because the company that made them to give them to you made them, sent them to the government, And then also sent them to you. And it's your job to figure out what fucking magical math you need to do to figure out exactly what amount you might owe or not owe the government in taxes. So once a year, that's the bullshit. And we're in it right now.
I don't know if you guys are stressed about it, but I have been for the last couple of weeks bothering myself with taxes. So obviously this was on my mind because it's a tax season.
And that's the thing too, if you have like where, where we have businesses because of the nature of what we do with YouTube and that's how it works. I also pay taxes year round, but tax day is still a once a year thing. So I'm kind of looking at this through a simplified perspective on it, but yeah.
I hadn't specifically thought about this one very much, but yeah, something like, I mean, kind of like what Mark's saying or like something where it's like every single transaction you do, which is mostly true depending on what state you live in anyway. But every single transaction you do, the tax is wrapped up into it.
Instead of paying an income tax, what if it was just like sales tax on everything? And don't want to discuss the philosophy and ethics of tax systems. Don't come at me about, oh, well, that unduly burned. Yeah, I know. I know. But we're just talking about like, is it better or worse? OK, slower would be what you pay once a decade.
Yeah, slower would be like you pay taxes for each quarter of your life. Your life is assumed to be a certain length. Say you live, they're like, okay, we're all going to live to be 80 years old. Cause dad, Bob doesn't do math. And that's a nice, easy one. So every 20 years it's tax time and you pay taxes on a quarter of your life. And it's awful. It's like a year of taxes or more it's forever.
But then you don't have to think about that shit for a couple of decades. Is that better or worse, faster or slower?
Yeah, that's a lovely thing about American system. Why do they withhold taxes but not do it correctly? Like, I understand it's more complicated than that and their math, but... But that just makes it more complicated. It's painful in our line of work as doing YouTube and stuff. No one withholds our shit. No one withholds taxes generally, right?
We get money for the advertisements just for YouTube, for example. They send that to us and then we have to pay the taxes on it. That sucks because early on in our careers, I don't know if it ever hit you guys, but there were definitely a couple of years where it got around to tax season and I sat down and was like,
all right all right that's i didn't realize that i had that much youtube bad rev or whatever and oh my god i owe how much money yeah and what the fuck hey hang on the first two years that i started like doing it and like you know like had an accountant and they were like oh yeah it looks like you owe this and i was like
Well, they're like, no, you actually made this like, but if you know, ahead of time, like now that I know how that works, it's not that bad that I have to do it myself. It's really, it's really not. I just know out of every like income that I get, I'm like, ah, about, 30, 40 percent of that, whatever. I need to save that for tax season.
And like the withholdings and the getting a return, the government just has some of your money for some of the year because your employer is too stupid to calculate your debt. Why is it anyway?
All right, differentiate so I can pick who gets points. How fast? Wade said daily. Are you sticking with... Do you want to stick with daily tax settling?
So there would be some level of efficiency with it. So if it was weekly, say... Yeah, you have to file, but maybe it's like a thing you do on an app, right? Like maybe weekly, every week on Friday or something, you pull up your phone and for like a minute, you're like, beep, boop, yep, approve, done, filed.
It's not like you have to like do what we do now where it's like you fill out paperwork, you have to mail it, you have to mail hard copies, all this shit. It's simplified to reflect the faster process.
I mean, that could be modified because the way payments currently work is not set in stone or anything. We could do that however we want. But yeah, it would make sense for it to reflect around that.
Well, honestly, it's kind of necessary in what we do because shit gets really complicated really quickly when you have to. It's like it's a scam to prop up a whole industry.
Well, it's already not even, but I guess you both get a point for that.
heads oh tails uh well mine doesn't even matter uh all right i've got a couple more the growth speed of your fingernails and toenails fast or slow fast slow how would you want to clip more often it's already slow let's experience some speed
okay but remember the consequence fast nails clipping your nails takes five seconds they grow fast you clip fast slow nails clipping your toenails your fingernails takes an hour and a half even better because slow means i've got more natural weapons if they're harder to clip and break yeah i don't give that one to mark i don't even need a pocket knife i'm just like slink I don't like that.
That doesn't sound good. That sounds, I already accidentally scratched myself and have a child who, if I'm not careful, I, and my nails are too long. I can scratch. Yeah. Like I don't need weapons permanently attached to my fingers. Everything is plenty dangerous enough. All right. Uh, working out fast or slow fast. And I'll explain, I'll explain it. No, you couldn't, you could stick with that.
It's the, it takes less time to work out. but also you get even more, like the exhaustion is the same and the result is fast, but the decay is also fast. All of the parts of it are fast, right? So it's not like you can just work out fast and then do it less. You get fit fast and you get unfit fast. And so you have to keep working out just in quicker, shorter segments. And same with slow.
So before a photo shoot, you really do just like... I'll take fast. Mark still takes fast. Wade, fast or slow?
Just like work out for a couple of years of your life and then ride that forever.
Yeah, I gotta go. I was slow. I like that one. We've covered this on different episodes in the past before, and it's going to feel like a personal attack, but I promise it's not, Wade. Hair, fast or slow?
You're both right, and this is a weird one, but I like getting haircuts, and the idea of a nice, long, relaxing haircut sounds kind of nice. It'd be like a spa day, I'm imagining, almost. Kind of on board with that.
for some well it's my own fault because i don't go to the same person so every time it's a real gamble no i do that too and it is a real gamble but i like the reward of when you go and you you get a good person and you're like oh man this is the best because a bad haircut it's fine but it's not it's whatever not that bad but a good hair that's surprisingly good haircut long with a haircut taken slow i guess it wouldn't matter if you only do it once every however long
Yeah. I mean, I'm imagining it'd be like a whole day or something. You have to be kind of, cause hair, I don't know. What's a hair. How long do you think a haircut is?
Anyway, we all agreed. I only have one more, so let's just do it and get over with. Fast or slow, Mark, you're up first. Doctors. My vision for this one is kind of like the spicy food. You go to the doctor, and if it's fast, you go in and the doctor's like, all right, we're going to have to do a procedure. And they take a huge machine and just... And for like a second, you're just like...
But then you're healed. Surgery over. Done.
Just to give it a fighting chance, the slow is a lot like the spicy too, right? The maximum threshold for the amount of pain you have to deal with, the amount of discomfort, the amount of being naked or awkwardly doing things, it's lower, right? It's not as bad.
It takes longer, but there's no, oh, you're going to feel a pinch, and then it feels like they're stabbing you with a hot poker for 10 minutes while they're trying to do some shit to you or get a biopsy or something.
It's like one of those Tesla plugs that was supposed to plug itself in. It's just like boys. And they're like, stand up, squat down a little lower, bend over.
Yeah, it'd have to be pretty precise. I'm assuming it would be. It's not just like, oh, I missed again. All right, stitch him up. God, ears are so hard to get into, you know? Sorry, popped the prostate. I touched it too quick. All right, I have to say, I went into that leaning towards slow, but you both kind of convinced me. But either way, you agreed, so I guess you both get a point. All right.
No, the fast is terrifying, but all of it is kind of terrifying to me, so I get that. I wouldn't... There are some things where the doctor is just like, all right, we're going to do this, and the whole time I'm just like...
They don't care. That's the end. Yay! I'm going to add an input to the wheel, and then we're going to move on to the bonus portion. I was going to add something about faster and slower, but I hadn't actually settled on it. Fastest response. I'll say what you got points for, and then we'll do the totals once there's actually points.
Wade, you got points for WEBN, Ligma69, Economist Wade, Slow Shits, Slow Batteries, Fast Taxes, Slow Workouts, Slow Hair, and Slow Doctor. Wade's a slow man. Fast Doctor. Let me correct that. Mark, you earn points for industry, with a belt, fast piss, slow spicy, fast tax, fast nails, slow hair, and fast doctor. And we are going to do two bonus rolls. Spin number one.
Okay, why does it always... Wait, okay.
It always lands here. Maybe this wheel is not very unbiased. Maybe this website is crappy.
Come on! All right, that's a point for the listeners, and then a point for the viewers. Damn it. This stupid wheel. I have bad news about that, boys. Before the bonus spins, Mark, you had eight points. Okay. And Wade, you had eight points.
mark and wade tied for first listeners tied for uh tied for third technically listeners viewers tied for third with one point each that means i have to roll the stupid other fucking wheel it's at 10 wade is at 45 mark is at 45 one man show is at 10 all right
i've only ever thought about punishing mark for this so i have no idea what we would do for you bob but i'm excited to find out i am sure it'll be fine no there's no 10 is nothing and i love it that's all me baby okay mark wins and more importantly bob doesn't lose
It'd be a re-spin, but double the percentage that a one-man show comes up or something. I don't know. I know we talked in a recent episode about we need to clarify or change that rule or something. I love that it's just fucking bullshit on the spot. That we're like, whatever is doubly fair, doubly unfair. Who knows? Whatever happens, happens.
Yeah, well, now that we have bonus points at the end, it's really hard while the episode's going on to be like, I'm going to make sure they don't tie at the end so that I don't have to spin the fucking wheel I don't want to spin. Not that I would ever have done that, but congratulations, Mark.
Wade, sad, slow, pitiful loser speech?
You beat the viewers and the listeners. And that one was just for the viewers. All right. Congratulations, Mark. Thank you for your speeches, both of you. Slow Wade didn't have it in him. Today, the hare won. Lesson not learned. Parable destroyed by reality. The hare beat the tortoise, and the tortoise is a stinky, stinky loser.
uh make sure you follow mark and wade on their uh socials and stuff mark plier lord minion 777 or minion 777 follow me make sure you follow the show because then you'll get like notifications when the episodes post and it'll pop up on your devices and you can watch listen mark will be hosting the next one because he is a winner and that's all i have to say about that thanks so much for watching see you in the next episode bye podcast out
Hello and welcome to another agreeable episode of the Distractible Podcast, where we all nod in agreement, no matter what is being said. I am your host. My name is Bob. I am hosting because I won the last one. I won the last one by competing in it, which is what Mark and Wade, the other two guys here, will be doing.
Like every few minutes, a skull and crossbones forms in the fumes that are coming out of the stack on the mark factory.
I know that's a real thing, but something about the way you said W-E-B-N made me think you were having some kind of stroke or something.
It's just like a human normal. You know what?
Oh, God, no. Inkjet printer copier scanner.
Yeah, didn't Chase's contract like the biggest for a non-QB in the history of sports?
And Chase's is guaranteed for a lot of it, and Tee Higgins is guaranteed for two years, I think.
And then one of them will win and they'll host and then we'll all just keep nodding. The nodding is an important part of the show. We do this in every episode. 90% of everything we've ever put on the internet involves a lot of nodding.
I can't wait for the next football season to start, and we can watch both of these great Ohio football clubs just win and win. All of these hundreds of millions of dollars they're expending onto these four people, if you include the quarterback in Cleveland, which I have no idea what's going to happen with the Deshaun Watson situation, but he gets his money either way pretty much.
So all of these literally half a billion dollars almost,
Hey, do you think if we spent nearly $300 million on two receivers, we're going to have enough money to buy anyone who plays defense? Or is that just going to be kind of empty field for the other team?
Man, I wish I had the kind of money to pay people to play sports. Jesus Christ.
I've never... Not that I've ever had aspirations to win a Super Bowl that I've meaningfully pursued, but I find it hard to imagine a thing that you could want in life enough to where if someone was like, hey, if you work...
We actually hold up signs that say, viewers, don't tell the stupid listeners about the nodding.
for us and don't win very many football games for the next four years but you get paid enough money that you don't ever need to worry about money no matter what you do almost ever again maybe you wanna i feel like it i can't imagine a person who would be like no i need a super bowl I couldn't possibly take $140 million. Like, what the... I mean, maybe it's different. I'm not an athlete.
I don't understand. I've never had... Like, it was never realistic that I was going to win the Super Bowl or go to the Olympics or whatever. But who could possibly fucking do that?
Clearly he took the money too. So I'm not saying he's crazy, but I, I don't people, people who were like, like he said, he wanted to be a contender. Yeah. Like you, if someone offered you a hundred million dollars, you wouldn't just give up on whatever your goal was at that moment in time and be like, okay.
80 million dollars is a lot of money yeah but i'm assuming he didn't have that if he's been talking for half a season about wanting to get out of cleveland and it hadn't materialized yet i'm assuming that nobody else was like oh we'll give you all the money we have well people people reached out cleveland was like we're not trading you they were gonna be they were gonna play hardball about it so he might have had to sit out for a year they owned his soul or something huh yeah he was still under contract yeah
Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to Distractable. This episode, magnifying Mark gets homesick for Whoville, gains flatulence, then reflects on a year of hilarity. Broad-minded Bob is haunted by sticks, didn't pump weights, and bought a bad fridge and sucky Subaru. Wincing Wade gets the cookies, loves chainsaw action, and fixates on farming syrup. From cranking hard to firm friendship...
I mean, if we're if I'm going to kick it off, I'm going to kick it off hard because I look everyone listening.
And so it's still got a little bit to go, but it's mostly there. And I'm very proud of what it is. But this battle has been very uphill.
I wished it was. One vocab word would have been an improvement on this year as opposed to the nothing that I did.
I had already taste tested it at that point. So I was like, I wonder what this is.
And this is the one thing that stops it.
It's the celebrity I love from television.
Yeah. Yeah, shut up. Shut up, the both of you. The both of you. You're not in charge of any points here, so it don't matter. It don't matter.
Yes! It's time for New Year, Old Us. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
how many points you have versus Puff, so I guess that really spoils what's going to happen.
Oh, I'm just kidding, man. No, not like that, man.
I'm questioning it. I don't believe it's who belation because that doesn't make any sense at all.
And I'm in the middle of driving on the highway, so I'm just like...
Ich meine, als Winnie the Pooh in den öffentlichen Bereich ging, war einer der ersten Filme aus der Tür einfach nur Pooh. Und es war einfach so...
Das ist, was es eigentlich genannt wurde.
Hey, eine dritte von denen kommt. Okay, jetzt ist er verrückt. Eine dritte von Blut und Honig?
Ist Pluto im öffentlichen Domain?
And who knows what the real answer is. 2029, maybe. Pluto will enter public domain, followed by Donald Duck and Goofy in 2029. Oh, okay. So I'm thinking there's a Goofy-Pluto-Horror-Movie coming up.
It could be a movie adaptation of that animal Russian Roulette game we were playing, but with Steamboat Willie, Pluto, Goofy, and Donald Duck.
What is his name? Sherlock Holmes. That's it. Stephen Hawking. Oh. Hey, Stephen Hawking ist S&H. Du kannst das sehen. Oh, ja, das ist wahr, das ist wahr, das ist wahr. Ja, nein, das wurde 1901 veröffentlicht, aber es gab einen Film, der 1939 gemacht wurde, also sollte das sein, glaube ich. Okay, so is that the one where... What is that one?
That's true. There's also Wizard of Oz is probably in the public domain. I don't care what the new movie, you know, Wicked, it's not the same. Wizard of Oz, Hound of the Baskervilles.
The Cowardly Lion is the guy who's wearing the Baskerville costume, murdering the Tin Man, Simba, Willy, and Dorothy. Pluton. Und der Strahmann. Jeder ist in seinem Dämon. Donald Duck. Donald Duck, Strahmann, ja. Vielleicht ist Donald Duck Dorothy. Nein, nein, nein, Gott, nein, das ist dumm.
Okay, ich habe es. Es ist ein Teil von World War I. World War I ist im öffentlichen Bereich. Right? Right?
Archduke Franz Ferdinand, also known as fucking goofy, is having a game of Liars Bar with Sherlock Holmes' nemesis,
Es sollte ein freundliches Spiel sein, aber leider... Bang, Boom, World War I. Archduke ist weg. Also ist Goofy tot. Wer hat Goofy getötet? Wer hat Goofy getötet und wie hat das World War I angefangen? The Wizard of World War I. It's perfect.
That's my favorite movie, A Goofy War. Oh man, you know, he and his son go on a road trip, then his son goes to college, and then his son goes to war.
Nein, wer war das? Goofy, dachte ich. Nein, Moriarty war vor ihm in einem Spiel von... Was sind die Schuhe?
Klickt eure Augen zusammen. Ich will nach Hause. Es ist nur jemand mit der roten Gasmaske in der Trenche, die sagt, ich will nach Hause. Ich will nach Hause. Es gibt kein Ort, wo ich nach Hause gehen kann. God damn. Look, all the best movies that win all the awards are depressing. We gotta make it as depressing as possible. None of this happiness, none of this color.
Just like Wicked, just take all the color out. Don't need it. Is that what happened in Wicked?
Sie waren so, fuck all this color. Und sie waren so, get it out of here.
Wir waren eine Welt weg und wir haben zu viele... Ah, das wird nie funktionieren.
Yes. So it's like the house that Dorothy was in is the crash incoming and then boom lands on the poor businessmen of the New York Stock Exchange. Where Archduke Ferdinand was visiting, playing a game of Russian Roulette. Played by Pluto, or no, Goofy.
Who killed Franz Ferdinand in the New York Stock Exchange, not with a gun in Russian Roulette, but with Dorothy King Kong crashing onto the entire New York Stock Exchange, therefore sparking World War I.
Go on. He's a funny guy. He's a funny guy. So, you know.
When the New York Stock Exchange crashes, there's a window that he just like stands in and goes right around. He does that bit a lot. I was going to go on to make a Hitler joke, but everyone's already Geh schon, die sind in gutem Geschmack. Nein, alle haben das schon gemacht, du weißt, Charlie Chaplin mit der Haustasche.
Ich dachte, er hat das überlebt, aber dann wurde er verletzt, weil Hitler in der Weltkrieg 1 kämpfte. Und dann ging er weiter, um zu werden. Er wurde nicht Hitler, aber er war Hitler.
Ich weiß nicht, ob Hitler im öffentlichen Bereich ist.
Und der Twister ist die große Depression.
Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein, nein. Ich würde das nicht tun. Ich würde das nicht tun.
Ja, es ist ein wirklich überzeugendes Effekt. Es sieht cool aus. V.a. die Luft und dass alles schwarz-weiß ist. Oder, ich glaube, brown-grayscale. Es ist das. Es ist ein großer Stoff, der so ausgestrichen ist.
Nein, die Duster helfen mir definitiv. Es ist ein wirklich guter Effekt. Du kannst viel mit praktisch machen und dich damit entfernen. Aber nicht wichtig.
Ich weiß, dass manche von euch das nicht in der Hand haben kann, aber schau dir das an, es beginnt mit einem Helikoptershot des New York Stock Exchange. Period. Perfekt. It's a scale model that goes down into one of the big chimneys. There's a swirling smoke all coming up around and it emerges and starts to circle around.
You see, you see Elmer Fudd standing, no, you see Bugs Bunny with a revolver pointed right at Archduke Franz Ferdinand, who's played by whoever the fuck he's played by, and swirling around like you don't have the guts. It's duck season, rabbit season, duck season, rabbit season. Bang! Has a blanket. Boom! King Kong slams down. A whirling twister. The camera gets sucked up.
Everyone's like up into the sky. Then, then, then the title comes out of the twister. And Bob?
Long titles are in. We got all through the short titles. It's like URLs for websites. All the short ones went away real quick. So we're running out of short ones. Only so many words. Gotta go longer. AI started churning out movies, so we got this limited window.
Jetzt, wenn wir einen Deal mit demjenigen machen können, der einen Goofy-Film hat, und sagen können, können wir einen Goofy-War benutzen?
It's a slowed down, horrifying, child singing version of as it goes down into the chimney. Happy birthday. Goes minor chord. As the camera goes up into the twister, that's when it rings out. And many more.
So, Iwo Jima ist auf dem Board. Alright, so Sand is in, Iwo Jima is in, Miracle on 34th Street.
So, Daffy Duck is Dracula. And then we got Lola Bunny. No, that was probably later. Uh... Oh, was ist das?
Alright, I'll have that except we have to have, Wade, wink, we have to have a five and a half minute long opening credit sequence of, hear me out, Naked Woman on a Horse.
There was actually a secret scene that nobody knows about, but it was obviously filmed of a really, really long slow motion sequence of a naked woman on a horse.
No, not showing any of that. Actually, hair over the boobs. For taste.
You didn't list that one. Look, if you can't pay attention, I don't even know why we're bothering here. Wasting our breath on this.
No, you did not. I just, you know, I... I'm gonna see what happens.
Nein. Ich fühle mich, wenn ich die Frage beurteile, weißt du.
Ich verstehe, dass sie nicht für die mittlere Meinung sind.
Aber ich kann es jetzt! Ich invokiere dich, Gott der Steine. Ich erkläre... Unfair!
No, no, here's what I, oh gods of coin, I just want to remove all points that were decided by a dumb question mark.
This is what it's meant to be. Please don't be nothing. Ha!
I was unsure about this little coin. Even though it wasn't all in my favor for the coin flip. Still, the laws of the universe saw to it that it became more fair than ever. And I, I believe that this is bringing balance to the force. I am the chosen one. I will become Darth Vader.
I have something that's actually not related to anything I've talked about in the past, but semi-related. But it's relatively new. So, many people know... What are you writing?
I have other things. I'm not gonna start with that. But it's related. So... Man, dieses seltsame, kaltes Ding.
Jedes Mal, wenn wir kacken, machen wir es wahoo. Ich habe schon lange gesagt, dass ich Premiere nicht mag. Ich habe Premiere seit 2012 benutzt. Das ist, als ich angefangen habe zu editen. Das ist, als ich YouTube begonnen habe. Es ist kein Verständnis, dass ich es hatte. Ich habe es genossen, aber nur, weil es das einzige Software war, das ich jemals benutzt habe.
Und ich habe keinen anderen benutzt. And I've heard that others weren't that great and Premiere was kind of the golden standard. And I agreed with it. It worked. It worked well. Every update since then, it got worse. Not joking. It got worse. Performance got worse. The tools they were cramming there didn't always work well. They changed how things work that didn't need to be changed.
And eventually I started hearing about DaVinci Resolve. DaVinci Resolve. DaVinci Resolve.
Wow. Oh, you've been subliminally in my ear. Schmicky House? Trying to get me to go over to Da Vinci?
studio version and it's free if you want the not studio version do you get updates with that too yeah every update is so free they may change that in the near future people were kind of like iffy about it because they said in the release one but 20 is so much better so many new features the keyframe editor is improved they've got different magic masks they've smooth cut has been improved so many other audio based features for automatic transcriptions assigning subtitles even detecting like speakers in one automatically diverting audio tracks checkerboarding
There's a few controversial AI features that are included, but the fact that they're so robust for the same price that I paid three years ago now for it, because I bought it and I had it for a while, and hey, I bought a Blackmagic Camera that came with Studio, which is $395 if you buy it, but that's once. Subscriptions for Adobe are outrageous, and they were locking you into those subscriptions.
Ja, und DaVinci hat Editing, Audio-Editing, sie haben bessere Vertikale-Videos, sie haben bessere Quick-Export-Fähigkeiten, sie sind einfach mehr robust, sie haben ihren Visual Effects Studio in sich gebaut, es ist einfach besser.
Fusion hat seine Quirks, aber sobald ich es mehr kenne, weil es sehr anders ist mit Node-basiertem Arbeiten, ist es einfach besser. Es ist das Industrie-Standard-Kolor-Software.
Ich mache immer noch Photoshop, das ist das einzige Software, das ich mit Adobe jetzt bezahle.
Da gibt es eine große Möglichkeit dafür. Und hell, vielleicht würde Blackmagic da einsteigen, aber es ist wirklich nicht ihr Arena.
Jedenfalls, für alle, die in der Editing gearbeitet haben, empfehle ich es sehr. Es war ein wachsender Schmerz. Es gibt ein paar Schwierigkeiten, es gibt immer noch ein paar Schwierigkeiten. Besonders wenn du es mit der Idee gehst, dass es funktioniert, wie es Premiere macht, was es nicht immer tut.
Aber für den meisten Teil hatte ich so eine bessere Erfahrung, in der Editing zu arbeiten, mit meinem Workflow, mit allem, was damit zusammenhängt. Als Editor, der seit 13 Jahren nur Editing gearbeitet hat, was viele Leute sagen, du bist YouTuber. Ich liebe Editing. Editing ist mein Lieblingsspiel. Da Vinci, send ihm 500 Megatonnen Paletten.
Dude, they throw those around like nothing. I wish there was something more that I could get for DaVinci, but the whole secondary market of plugins is not as robust as Premiere or After Effects, and I get that. There's some limited thing, but there's so many features built into the thing, and there's more people that are joining, which means more plugins are going to be made. It's great.
I love it. It's great. I think all editors should switch. And if Adobe is listening, change your goddamn policies. You are right now losing everyone. And I know competition is supposed to be good. You're losing. If you can't see it now, look a few years in the head. In the head. In a head. In any head.
That'd probably be easier in my life. It's crazy. But yeah, DaVinci 20, it's still in beta. Even I've ran into some bugs working with it, so they still have some things to work out, but all in all, man, it's great.
I was trying to assume it's your own penis.
This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Doom the Dark Ages. Id Software presents Doom the Dark Ages, a dark fantasy sci-fi experience that brings epic combat and over-the-top visuals to the legendary Doom franchise. Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on Hell itself.
Like maybe. Like there's a slight chance, but I would pick the guys. If we were betting, I would pick the guys.
Do you not have good shirts or... Do they not sell whole shirts where you live anymore or... Oh, you know, the tariffs.
But they can't get, like, that's the thing, right? You're reaching territory where you can't all get your hands on the gorilla at the same time. And it's not enough people where you can just literally have, like, a pile of humanity on top. It's probably close to that still.
But it's enough where, like, if the gorilla gets some space and starts picking people off, if the guys lose too many too quickly, there's a turning point. I don't think it's likely the gorilla would win, but I feel like this is in territory where the gorilla starts to have more of a chance if they're lucky or they're really smart or something.
As a person who regularly has to wrangle a toddler, I can tell you it's in theory, it sounds like, yeah, you just hold the arm back. But the thing about body physics, body mechanics is it's not like there's a fixed system and the arm hinges off the side. If you hold the arm back, all of that torque is still applied to the body or is used to leverage the other arm. Like there's a lot.
I would still, if I was betting money on it, I would still bet on 25 people. But this is way more in the territory of, like, if the gorilla gets some lucky shots and takes out 5, 10 people right off the bat, and you're knocked down to, like, 15 or less, immediately the people are like, oh, we're fucked. Like, this is, there's not enough.
I would still bet on people, but it would be a way closer fight in my head.
If the gorilla is as strong as I imagine, they could literally pick a person up by the ankle and just like... And then it's like they got... Then they have a weapon, which is, you know, awful if you're the people.
That's an important sort of assumption on this is I'm imagining all of this where the people... The option for the people is you, however many people, we're going to dump you in this arena and you're going to fight this gorilla or we're just going to shoot you.
Because if it's people where there's any alternative, even if it's 100 people, most of those people are going to see the gorilla and be like, fuck that and try and get away. You're not going to have every single person...
being like i don't care if i die let's claw his eyes out what like it's i'm assuming there's a pretty high level of dedication where it's like either you fight the fucking gorilla with everything you got or you die anyway so you're gonna like it's gonna be crazy unless they're from where my grandparents cabin was in kentucky where i'm pretty sure everyone there thinks they can solo a bear but they're
Listen, Moonshine does some crazy shit.
With no guns, no weapons, it's just like a fist fight. Yeah. I feel like that's a one in a million. Even if it was the most muscular, highly trained weapon of a human I could imagine, a whole grown grizzly bear or a grown male gorilla doesn't really give a shit, I don't think, about that person and could still basically tear them in half.
a grizzly bear for sure there's no way uh just like it wouldn't happen but maybe i'm underestimating people's but that just seems ridiculous to me if you got behind it where we're like choke it or something maybe i don't know how much they can reach with their claws and tear that direction like maybe even if they just fell over backwards onto you that would be pretty rough
It's the combo, right? It's like, I feel like the space race springs to mind for this for me. The guys who were going up in the capsules, the test pilots and the early astronauts were We're clearly like, strap me on the front of this thing that's probably just going to fucking explode and blow my ass into space and see what happens.
And all the scientists are like, wow, wait, hey, maybe we can make this safer. Like, let's up your odds a little. Hang on. Like, it's the combination of the crazy, brave, insane person who's like, I don't care. I'll do it. And everyone else being like, let's help him.
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Well, I don't want to spoil it. You can. Oh, no, no.
create constant they're constantly breaking the sound barrier and so they create a constant persistent sonic boom so as the thing flies it's one of the loudest things humans have ever created if you exclude like the largest nuclear detonations
But like it's so loud that people 20 miles away when it was doing test flights or further heard it like a fighter jet was flying right over their house and were like terrified of it. And flying it inside the pilot inside of it was so loud that it like physically disabled the pilots. They would get sick or disoriented.
It basically was like giving them concussions just for trying to fly this plane normally at normal speed for the way it functioned.
I, i that plane is such a just the best invention it's like no one can fly it everyone for 150 miles hears when it's in the air it's the most terrifying useless loud thing and it was not it's not like it was a propeller plane that could go like so fast that it was it was just kind of a fast plane that had no other it was just and
Nothing scares a baby out of the uterus like constant sonic booms. You know where they made that plane? Wasn't it like New Mexico or something? Wright Patterson. Hey, that's right by us.
we had atomic technology it's the tip of the propeller right so it's not like the entire face of the propeller is traveling faster than the speed of sound but the tip which is the part where the highest velocity because it's furthest from the road it's it's just the design of the thing they were trying to design a plane to go faster but it turns out there's kind of a limit on that because if the tips of your propellers break the sound barrier then it is like flying a giant fucking explosion for every moment it's it's on and flying yeah absolutely
i'm sure it's awful but i really wish that like you could go see like at air show they would have one of those fly over but like you you could you couldn't you wouldn't be allowed to do that i would just be so fascinated to hear something that loud i can't imagine then you hear and you're like all right never again i'm good
You hear it and it's like a hundred miles away and you're like, all right. All right. That's pretty loud. All right. Okay. That's enough. That's enough planes.
Oh yeah, no, I would, I would not actually like it, but I'm just, it's a very fascinating thing that that plane existed.
I want to say 15 would be very pretty, pretty even, pretty 50-50.
That's not crazy. That sounds reasonable to me.
Yeah, you just... As long as he's still laid down far enough away, probably have some time.
Oh, don't get me started about lighters. Fire? Anytime you want it? With the flick of a finger? That's what humanity needed. Do you know why cavemen had to rub sticks together? It was a safety precaution. You know how dangerous it is to have a little bomb in your pocket? You're hanging out at the gas station fueling your car? Bomb in your pocket.
You're at the school for career day talking to your kid's class? Bomb in your pocket. You're at the hockey game, getting drunk, cheering on your favorite Canadians. Bomb in your pocket. Don't even get me started about lighters. Like I need more shit to be worried about on a daily basis. Plus, you know what having a lighter leads to? Smoking cigarettes. That's right, lighters cause cancer.
Lighters are worse than cancer because lighters... could give cancer to people who didn't even have to begin with. Some people are born that way. And some people figure out how to use a lighter and grow up to get cancer. Thanks, big fire. Some people are born this way.
Man, controversial topic. Motherhood, flighters. These are equally tough things to be angry about.
By which I mean, it's still technically not. It's supposed to be a 90-day supply, and for some reason, they maxed out at giving me an 83-day supply. But at 80 days, I can refill it. So I basically have what I need, as long as nothing bad happens, or I need an extra couple days to get my medicine from the pharmacy or whatever. It's fine! It's fine! Why 83? Where in the hell...
I love in your world that boats are for fishing and also getting birds. You get a bigger boat. You need tools on your boat. You go catch your fish. You go get your birds. Yeah, I thought that was really good too. I could see the thought process because you're like, you're on the boat. You're on the water. What are you going to eat? Birds? All right, fish exist. Uh, fishing?
Don't even get me started on holidays. Emphasis on the days part. How many days of my life am I going to have to give up to some new fucking holiday? You know, you know which ones I need? The classics. Birthday, New Year's, and Memorial Day. All the rest of the holidays are just made up bullshit to sell cards and force us into even more consumerism.
Unless it's a day off work, I don't need this in my life. And if it's a day off work, I'm not celebrating somebody else's holiday. I'm celebrating my holiday. It's called I Don't Have to Work This Monday, so it's kind of like Sunday Part 2. But there's no football, which is okay, because it's still Monday Night Football, because it's Monday, and football's good.
But holidays are such a fucking waste of time. Unless it's New Year's Eve, my birthday, whatever. Or Memorial Day, which we all know and love. It's just a scam. It's just the government trying to control you. It's just the government trying to tell you what's good and what's bad. Today, bunnies are good. And eggs. And those go together. And that's the government.
They're trying to get in your head. Tomorrow, who knows? It's going to be National High Five a Squirrel Day. And then after that, it's National Kiss a Fish Day. How are you going to get to a fish? A fucking boat? Don't get me started on boats! What, are you going to out-swim a fish? No! No, you're not! I think we covered that. Ah, I lost it. Anyway, fuck holidays.
I could not fucking tell you, but the fact that they gave me as much as they did, I was like, I'll take it. This is a win. Count this as a win. God, fuck. Even the pharmacists. I've never had this before. Usually the pharmacists don't really care, right? Like you go and they're nice and they feel they don't care. I know the pharmacists now. I know all of the pharmacists at my pharmacy.
God, you really went there, man. I hope your pets don't listen to this podcast.
I'm going to make them. This is what you play for them when you leave the house. Put them in their cage and play this episode on full volume.
All donkeys, all donkeys. Don't even get me started on donkeys. Fucking Eddie Murphy can kiss my ass. Donkeys like to pretend like it's all fun and games. They hang out with the horses in the field. They eat some grass. They like to pretend like they're chill. They're just a bunch of assholes. All they want to do is whatever you don't want them to do. Have sex with the dragon?
Don't think I will today. Oops. Donkey-dragon hybrid babies. Pull the wagon to market? Nah, why don't you use the horse for that? Actually, I killed the horse. Yeah, donkeys can do that, too. Donkeys are worse than pets, because they will shit in your house, and they will throw up grass for no reason. But they do all kinds of other shit, too. Did you know that donkeys wear pants?
Yeah, they wear lots of pants and then they shit in those pants and then you have to wash those pants or it's animal cruelty. Yeah, I thought so. These are facts about donkeys. Don't even keep me going.
Did you know that donkeys like to pretend to be friends with ducks and let you take cute family pictures like they're all a bunch of orphans who are all going to live together and then they just stamp them to death just for fun? Just to see your face when you come back out to the field and you're like, oh, we'll go visit the lovely family of donkeys and ducks that's living in my... No. No.
They're murderers. Donkeys are murderers. Cold-blooded murderers. They are actually sociopaths. They do not give a shit. It's all an act. It's all a... Hee-haw! Hee-haw! It's a ruse. They think I don't know what they're up to, but I figured their shit out. I can see through the schtick, and the next time I'm in the same room as a donkey, I'm not gonna fall for it.
I think I'm like forcing myself to have a little bit of adrenaline or something because I'm trying to get like amped up. I feel like our careers are bad for our health. I hope refrigerators comes up.
And when I come in every time until yesterday, every time I come in, they're all like, oh no yeah we gotta talk we gotta talk i called the i called the insurer and the doctor again and uh we gotta talk and then i came in yesterday and literally they were like yeah everybody and everyone in the cvs was like what the fuck is that and i was like just give me stop give me my insulin oh
Don't even get me started on this. I looked at my cell phone every time you said the word phone during that.
I feel like Wade has a lot of pinned up issues, then.
Oh, good, okay. That's a good reaction. Bob, uh, funerals. Oh, yeah. Oh, let me just stretch the anger out a little bit. Don't even get me started on funerals. Did I not give you enough while you were alive? Did you not take enough of my precious time while you could reciprocate anything?
Let's not even get into whether you did or did not ever say thank you for the countless hours of my life I gave to you, Grandma, coming to visit. spending the holidays with you, eating the food you made for me to make me eat. It's awful. Don't get me started on funerals. Like, those people need any more attention. Only the most narcissistic,
selfish, unbelievably self-centered people would possibly think that what they need after they have left their family mourning and just torn apart is a party for them. That's who's important at that moment in time. That's what everyone wants. And open casket funerals? Please. Oh, yeah. I'm gonna die. And then I want you to dress me up real nice. And I want you to do my makeup.
Anyway, that's not terribly exciting, but man, is it a relief to get that done one time successfully and pray to God it happens again when I need it. We'll see. I'm sure it'll be fine.
And I want you to pretend stuff my cheeks with cotton balls. Pretend like they're not all sunken in. And then come look at me. And talk to me like I'm there. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair to everyone. I need that. In the afterlife, I'll really enjoy it. I'll drink it up like a delicious salve on my soul. That's fair. That's good. Miss you, Grandma. Oh, man.
Don't even get me started on getting started. No, no, we're not going to get meta here. Are you just like cycling through right now to pick ones that you want us to do? Yeah.
Nah, I'm really nice to them, so they like me. I say I'm handsome.
It's a random topic. Don't even get me started on mining. You know who mines? Miners. You know what miners talk like? Oh, cinnamon and gravy. Oh, heaven. Gus chickens? Could you live with that? I grew up in a town of minors. Every fucking adult talked like that. Could you imagine that life? You know how hard it was for me to learn how to talk?
normally like a human person like this don't even get me started and the clothes it's the 21st century and mine are still dressed like it's 1863 and no one has invented clothing in the last look it's not even about that i just wish my dad had been around Yes, he needed to provide for his family. Yes, mining is a job.
No earning money at the company store is not the same as living the American dream. It was a hellhole, and we were all trapped together. The mine was supposed to be your way out, but it turns out work will not set you free. Work will just keep you in the mine while your son's at basketball practice wondering if his dad's going to see him make a free throw this weekend. Spoilers! He's not!
The mind took my father, the mind took all six of my brothers, and the mind took my life away from me even though it didn't kill me because I escaped by sheer luck and happenstance. A grifter picked me up on the side of the state road as I was wandering away from my father's funeral. Don't even get me started on funerals!
And he happened to drop me off in the beautiful land of opportunity that is Cincinnati, Ohio. I made me who I is. And now. I almost slipped back into minor speak. Don't you let me do it.
If I talk like that ever again, I want you to slap me in the face and drive a pickaxe through my heart because I don't want any part of me to remember what mining is or what mining does to people or ever of how many brothers I said I have. Six, I think it was. Why are we digging holes in the ground in 2017? What's the point?
You have to, like, force her to begrudgingly do it.
My dad didn't even dig in the mines. He was the canary.
I don't know if you want to ask the wheel for things, Mark. I think you should just pray that the wheel gives you good things. This is okay. I'll take this. Three bonus. What are you adding to the wheel? Oh, what should I add to the wheel? Do we already have Got the Angriest?
And we currently have, just to update, 35 things on the wheel of many things. Nice.
There we go. Point for viewers. No! Fucking how did you do that? I actually don't have control over it. It was... I swear. I promise. I'll, like, put my hands up next time or something. I swear to God. Fucking hell.
What the fuck, man? This is a fucking simulation. This is a simulation. I'm calling it right now. Oh, should we spin it again, Mark?
I'm not doing anything unless I can push buttons with my dick loudest.
Well, I don't have the rage, so I have to have something.
You know what? As a canary from West Virginia, I feel like even if I couldn't win this episode, I'm a winner in life for escaping that shithole. Sorry, West Virginia. That felt immediately too mean after I said it out loud. I know people give you a lot of shit. But it's a nondescript mining town somewhere, not in any specific city or state location. I don't have anything against you guys.
Don't worry, West Virginia. We're cool. No, this was fun. I struggle to get rage going out of nowhere, but it was really fun to try and make it happen with such random topics. It's a really good exercise. It's like a good improv game. It's very fun.
Kentucky can suck my ass, but West Virginia, we're okay. We're okay. I didn't mean it.
They could have given Mark Deep Throat. Next time, podcast out.
I put a new roof on the playset. I ordered a custom dimensions tarp because our playset is a non-standard size for some fucking reason. And then I screwed it in. So now there's a yellow roof on James's playset in the backyard.
well the funny thing is it's just a tarp so it didn't cost anything it was just a pain in the head like it was still it was still just $20 but I had they had to it was just like I had to figure out how to custom order a tarp from the internet but yeah apparently every other playset in existence they only sell one size of playset roof things because they're all the same but not ours we got a special one
for whatever reason so that's cool i hope nothing on it ever breaks also i dropped a screw in the play area and i never found it so james is getting a tetanus shot at some point in the future Literally, I was like, I was putting the last screw in on the thing and I was like, it like exploded out of existence. I, Mandy looked for it. God knows probably flip my ass.
Oh, you need to have someone look at your ass. I wouldn't even notice. That's how that's kind of ass I have.
Well, you have to screw it in, right? And if you screw it into the... If you don't have grommets... and you screw into the tarp, it's just going to rip. And I could have grommeted my own tarp, but I've never done that.
So I was like, well, I found a thing where I can get exactly the dimensions I want, so I can order literally the exact same size, and it fits, and I can screw it into the same holes. But it was just a thing where it's like, they sell every color and type of roof for play sets you could possibly imagine, all in the one size they're supposed to be. And that's it.
I even found the brand of the playset and, like, they don't even sell it. They sell this playset, but not the thing you need to put on top of it.
Yeah, they were like, well, fuck, nobody makes these in this size. Don't have a roof, I guess. That way the birds poop into it. Cats poop under it, birds poop onto it. That's what my dad always said.
Oh, that's true. Fuck. Oh, we weren't recording. I ate half a sandwich. It was a big sandwich. I ate a whole meal. It was a big double-decker club sandwich, but it was before I clicked record.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
You know what I got off of Amazon that is actually a crucial component of this show? My coin that I can never remember which side is heads and which side is tails.
This is what Mark looks like with half a shirt and a bagel in his mouth. Is there, do you just like not have cream cheese or did you intend to eat a plain bagel? It sounds like a judgment. I just, I would, that sounds really like unpleasant.
Where do you stand on this? So the premise is, who would win in a fight? 100 normal-sized men or one gorilla? All just unarmed combat? I feel like it would be just about the worst win you could imagine, but 100 guys has to take it just by sheer number. But that's like one guy would barely survive, and that would be the end of it. But it would be awful. That's my gut feeling.
I don't actually... I don't have any reason I know that, but that's just how I think.
Yeah, it would be really bad for the women or it would be bad for the humans, no matter who they were. But there's just too many. I feel like changing the number is where it gets interesting. Because if you say 10 guys versus one gorilla, gorilla, obviously.
Aber was, wenn wir etwas sagen, das uns nicht wirklich helfen könnte, aber wir lustig darüber sind?
Nein. Das ist so fair. Das ist so fair. Oh, es ist so fair.
Ich habe zwei Zwanzigstel in der Reihe gespielt und ich fühle mich, als ob dieses Dice vielleicht nicht fair ist.
Okay, ich bin klein, aber ich habe Mühlen, was eine sehr planetäre Fähigkeit ist. It is.
Look, I'm small, but I got moons. Very planetary. Very demure.
Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me. There I was with Betsy. Oh man, you've seen a pig before, right? Anyway, finish the deed, um...
It's a pile of straw wrapped in a blanket. Fool on me, right? Anyway, I know that he's very polite. He'll make sure that I get to enjoy myself before my bitter, bitter end. Well, two can play that game.
And then while he's standing there watching, kind of weird, but you know, we're in this. I started thinking with my little pig brain and I'm like, ah, I have the ultimate plan. It took me half that bucket to think of this plan. I feign a heart attack. I know he's a sympathetic sort. He fed me oats. He made Betsy, I guess. And he would not dare kill me if I'm already dying.
Shake the milk off my hoof. I lay down and go, ah! Ich habe einen Herzinfarkt, richtig? Überraschung! Poop-Attack! Ich springe auf ihn und er kommt nahe, Diarrhea überall. Das ist das einzige Werkzeug, das ich übrig habe. Ich habe sehr wenige Fluide in meinem Körper übrig, aber ich versuche, alles über ihn zu machen. Das wird ihm eine Lektion beibringen, die er nie vergessen wird.
Und während er von all dem Poop fliegt, nehme ich Betsy, für später, und nehme seine Schaufel, die er gedroppt hat, und dann in meinem... Ich mache einen von diesen.
Me, Betsy, you know pigs. Anyway, three minutes in, Farmer John's coming. I'm not done coming. But I look down... This is a fucking trick. Again. Again. It's a pile of hay in a blanket. Anyway, he comes in. He's looking at me. I know he likes to watch. I'm not about that, but he fed me oats this morning, so I know he's playing. He's gonna wait till I finish.
I stealthily put the bucket of milk under me, dip my paw and go, I can keep that up for hours. Gives me enough time to think. Ah, heart attack. I've done it before. I'll do it again. Shake my hoof off. Dumb idea. He comes over. Poop attack. Right in his eyes.
I throw Betsy up by the gas pedal. I say, when I say floor it, do it.
I don't have a lot of time. I'm 29 minutes into a 30-minute orgasm when I hear his footsteps coming by.
He fed me oats this morning. Real nice guy, but I know what's up. I don't have long left. Drag a bucket of milk under me. Start spewing out milk. He can't tell the difference. He's half blind anyway. I was half blind. Looked down Betsy's pile. Hey, in a blanket. Don't have a lot of time. It was great until it wasn't. Start fliegen that out and then I realize I need to do a heart attack.
Shake off my paw at the same time. Fall over roll down. He's so nice. Comes over real close.
I go outside where his tractor is. And I know that I've seen him use it before.
Mit einem Blanket, der noch da ist. Das ist großartig. Ich habe das für später gespeichert. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts. Ich schiebe den Traktor nach rechts.
You did right by me by that hay bale. I'm not gonna lie. Couldn't tell the difference. Why don't we just put all this behind us? Pal? Pal? I put my jizz-covered puff out there for him to shake. Pal? Buddy? You need a 14?
Ah, shit, oats this morning. I shouldn't have known. He's gonna kill me. Look down. It's not even Betsy. It's a hay bale and a blanket. I say, fuck, grab a bucket of milk that he forgot. Pull it under me. Start slinging around. He walks in. Loves to watch. He sees me slinging around. He's like, oh, I better wait till he finishes. He's so nice. He's so goddamn polite.
Anyway, I get a lot of thinking time in as I'm going. And then I realize, ah, if I fake a heart attack, he's so nice. He's not gonna kill me if I'm already dying. He might think something wrong with me. Go over. Blah. Man, that was a good blanket. I hit the gas pedal, bounce off the wall, boink. Oh, shotgun falls down, I grab it in my mouth.
I go over, I'm like, I'm gonna blow you away, you son of a big clickbang. It's a blank. This guy was so goddamn nice. I stick out my milk-covered, jizz-covered, shit-covered paw and I go like, pal. He says no. I like, well, fuck you then anyway.
He can't keep track of them all. I try to ration my funnies like a pig's orgasm. I just draw it out.
I was like the first recollection you did, but I couldn't believe you remembered every fucking detail.
That's fair. I... Fucking Ghost Rider Pig with a tractor going up.
They thought the pig died when it rolled over the house and then it's like, oh no, that means looks behind, fire starts looming and the pig in the doorway.
Ich denke, wenn ich den koreanischen Vokabular wie auch diese Geschichten erinnern kann, dann ist es einfach so, dass wenn du etwas erinnern willst, dann anfängst du, die absurdste Geschichte, die du möglicherweise haben kannst. Und du wirst es erinnern. You will remember it. But you know, I think that as great a start I gave the pig one, or cursed. Bob really took it home with that one.
He had some great contributions, some real vengeful ideas, and I concede the victory to Bob for that. That was well won. I almost died laughing. There was a point where I couldn't breathe.
Ich weiß nicht, ob du es gesehen hast, aber ich war in der Safari-Kamera, die mit der Familie da war. Und wir haben dich gesehen. Du hast wirklich eine gute Impression gemacht, mit keinen Händen. Aus der Kamera. Es war wirklich beeindruckend. Und ein ganzes Show. Ich denke, jeder hat etwas gelernt.
It came from me. It was mostly sweat. Okay, cool. Alright, cool. That's awesome. I need no more.
We, we, we, we men here, we're tall. You heard it everyone, you heard it.
Die Deutschen sind definitiv nicht bekannt, dass sie groß sind.
Das ist Teil der Grund, warum wir Haare an bestimmten Stellen in unserem Körper haben.
We went through Elon's California to Ohio tunnel that only Tesla Safari users can go in and I don't control it.
Ja, also es ist etwas dicker als dieser. Das ist ein 16 Terabyte.
I've been also working on the render farm and I know I've disparaged Linux users before and I will continue to do so. It doesn't make a goddamn bit of sense, you open source bastards. I hate it. I can't even log into my NAS from Ubuntu. I tried to install Fedora and it blew up on installation.
Und ich war so, ich habe das 1994 hinter mir gelegt, Commander. Also ja, ich mache das, weil die Alternative Windows Server ist. Und ich weiß nicht, ob du weißt, wie viel Windows Server kostet. Aber es kann sich umsonst von... 7000 Dollar pro Lizenz.
Und ich weiß nicht, ob das mehrere Lizenzen für mehrere Computers beinhaltet. Aber es ist wie mit Servern. Ich habe viele kleine Versionen davon. Und ich weiß nicht, was ich nicht weiß.
Think if we could get in? Blah, blah.
He's sitting by the phone waiting for that call back, decides to turn on our podcast just to kill the time.
Speaking of the moon, it's so funny because I made it, you know, I got testy with my own subreddit because they deserved it. And so I made a joke, I made that one comment, then I made another comment that was kind of forgotten next to it. People were actually like, why do you keep promoting it? I'm like, I will become your A. James McCarthy. I will show you my moon.
But then they put a big T in the middle of it. And so it's just a hat that says T-Toss because they literally just put a T over a word that had a different letter in that spot. So there was a T-Toss Rangers hat. And also, the athletics moved, right? Previously, it was the Oakland Athletics. I don't know anything about it, but they moved. The end of the last season was their last season in Oakland.
Apparently, they've moved to a new city with an S in it. I'm unclear. Anyway, they released a hat that literally just says ass. because their team logo is the A's right? So it's like a apostrophe S and the hat is a S in the background, a S in the foreground shifted to the left. And it just says ass. It's just a green hat that says ass on it in the athletics font. And it's real.
I wish. It does say, the back does have language on it that says, caution, may cause skin irritation. If it touches you, wash it. I don't think it's that kind of lube.
It just says ass. Another one I really like is the Los Angeles Angels. Their hat just said angels on it, but it didn't have like LA because that's the Dodgers. The Angels small logo is just the letter A. So the hat just says angels. Or anials or something.
Whoever designed these hats is fucking hilarious because I think they knew what they were doing. Their bosses might not have known what they were doing or whoever hired the contracted them, but they knew what they were doing. And it's fucking awesome. And they're all sold out because I would have bought an ass hat immediately. No questions asked. You can't buy any of these.
They're already sold out. Some of them are already taken off the Internet completely. Can't buy them anywhere. I wish I had seen this sooner because I would have bought possibly two or three of these hats.
Yeah, I mean, I'm not a huge baseball fan, but I generally root for the Reds, but I'm thinking hard about rooting for the T-Tas.
I think it's like lubricant for machinery. We have a new workout machine that we got in the basement. It's an elliptical, and I think this is like lube to put on the slidey parts.
I didn't, but I did know that. That's why it's funny. E is pronounced A, so T-Toss. In America, it's pronounced T-Toss. That's true.
Is that why the Gulf name changed? Actually, the Gulf of Americo, because we renamed the country. It's weird that America has unilateral authority to just do stuff like that. Well, I mean... No, Mark, it's weird that we did that because we did that, and it's a thing now. I'm just saying. Everyone else in the whole world ignoring that we did that doesn't mean it's not true, Mark.
I assume they sailed up and they sailed past the words Gulf of Mexico floating on the ocean and the cartographer was like, oh, Gulf of Mexico. Man, that's handy. Oh, no, I like Gulf of Mexico better. Gulf of Mexico. Don't make fun of my Ohio accent.
Okay. Sounds like a lot, honestly, but...
because it's slidey slides but it's really fucking weird that it's just a nondescript white tube that says lube on it they would have put more labeling on the front but they couldn't afford those letters lubrication is a complicated word don't want to print that on stuff if you don't have to i guess or machine lube thick lube cousin lube what was that last one what was that last one what was the last one huh
Hero is the other way from one. One is a downgrade from zero. He went from zero up to negative one or hero.
He went left on the number line, Mark. Left is good. Right is bad. Am I flipped or something? But if he went left on the number line from zero, wouldn't he? Look, the best number is clearly 24. For reasons I can't fully explain, it's just the best number all around. That's a good number. It has multiple divisors, which is very pleasant. It's aesthetically balanced and pleasing.
It looks fantastic on like a sports jersey or on like a race car application. Yeah. It's not so high that you can't count to it. If you had to, if you had to count 24 of something, you'd be like, nah, okay. Wasn't that Jeff Gordon's number? Yes. A rainbow, rainbow DuPont car. Number 24, Jeff Gordon.
I don't dislike the number three. I would never have picked that as the best number for my own sensibilities.
You should be Wad 3, where the 3 is an E, but no one gets that, so they think your name is Wad or Wad, Wad, Wad.
Listen, we're having a serious discussion here.
I forgot. I have a candidate for the worst number. It's a lot of numbers. Any number over 13,000 is the worst number. And any number you name, whatever next number you say that's also over 13,000, that's just the next worst number. They're all the worst. They're all terrible.
nine cent nonsense cut it out round up or round down stop being a coward and go to eight or zero i don't think it should be legal for prices to include denominations you cannot offer as payment like i get that credit cards and digital transactions you can do whatever you want but there's nothing smaller than a penny if i can't pay it in cash don't fuck don't do it
Because if I'm paying you cash, you're clearly rounding that shit off anyway. You're not giving me one hundredth of a penny back when I get my change. It's bullshit.
Yeah, I have cash in my wallet right now. But this is more of personal preference. I feel like the U.S. is a little behind the rest of the world in terms of how our currency is broken down. I really like in Europe and in Canada, I believe, how there's like dollar – and they're not dollars, but they have loonies and toonies in Canada or one or two euro coins in the EU – It's nice.
You don't need paper that small. You don't need. Singles are for vending machines. I guess America's big on strippers, so you need singles. I don't know. I don't know why it's got to be paper. I like the coins. I feel like the coins is a good direction.
Who gets a better deal? The stripper? Oh, yeah. Less work, more money? More lap.
I like Mark's answer. Has a lot of strong points. My answer is just broadly correct. No number over 13,000 has any use to a normal person. They all stink, and they're too big. Can't understand it. Doesn't mean anything. Stinky. Big, stinky numbers. All right. Are you going to decide who's right, or are we just going to do this, and then you're just going to be like, next. I'm marking points down.
That one's not lube for cousin. That's cousin named lube. Or that famous place in Europe, the lube. Or that place where we're all fam, the clube. Come on, Mark. Get in on this.
Don't worry. But you're not going to tell us right now. We're just going to.
I think it's pretty clear that one of us is more right than the other so far on everything we've talked about, but okay, that's fine.
That wasn't even what Mark said. He said infinity. I know. I said I. He said infinity. Infinity is stinky, though. I feel like that's impliedly included in my suggestion, but it is like a different thing. And I agree.
A bold take. I was trying to think of something that's not kind of a copy of Mark's answer, but I have a similar thing, I guess. My favorite awful smell is two-stroke engine exhaust. Like the smell of a go-kart or a lawnmower. It smells like I'm inhaling things that will kill me, but also that's a very, something very nostalgic about that.
That's very like love go carts and lawnmowers and things of my childhood and it's associated with a lot of positive stuff.
Uh, not, I'm not here to yuck people's yum. Do it if you want, but you have to be some special kind of absolute psychopath to go caving on purpose. Oh my God. I've watched like some of the documentaries about like the guy who got stuck upside down wedged in the, and they just, he just died in there because they couldn't get him out. And they were just like,
Isn't that the place where babies come from or something? What was that bit? Where babies come from? The boob. They come from the boob. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, you're right. Let me in there. I'm a baby.
well see seal that one steal that one up let's just leave him seal that one and that's his cave now but like holy crap all the and there's like videos of a guy being like okay i need to breathe out a little bit more and then i think i can shimmy through It's like just watching those videos. I'm like, ah, fuck.
And it's, look, it's exploration. And it's fine. People get excited about that and do what you want. But, like, man, of all the types of exploring shit you could do, that has got to be just the most terrifyingly claustrophobic one. Like I wouldn't really want to go in a submarine way down in the ocean or climb to, you know, Mount Everest or whatever else.
Those sound kind of hard, actually really hard and kind of scary. But the caving thing sounds like fucking, it sounds like a thing you do to a torture a person. Like, you get captured in the enemy prison camp. They're like, all right, your only job is to climb down into this cave and then climb back out every day.
And you do that until you tell us everything you know, and we'll let you leave or something. It would work. I wouldn't even climb in once. I'd give up. I'd betray my whole, everyone I ever knew just to not have to do that.
Yeah, everyone's going to know that reference. Let's not explain it. Continue, Wade.
No, I mean, people get their adrenaline rush in whatever way they get it, I guess, and can't be helped. But, man, I've clicked on those videos that you watch, too, where it's like the story. And I always imagine it's like, oh, well, he must have realized there was something like a gold deposit or something. It's like, nah, he just thought...
maybe this cave might connect over to this other cave that was also on this, you know, like a mile away. There's a different cave. And he was like, well, if they connect, so then, then they'd be connected. And we would know about that. Yeah.
And not because the smell particularly is that bad, but because it comes with the realization that now I got to go change that. And it's always like, and he has had some real rippers. That man makes some stinky poop sometimes, but it's even when it's not so stinky, you have that moment where you're like, Oh, let me look. Oh, poopy. Oh, poopy. Okay. Let's go upstairs.
There's a lot of other parts to it. I'm not going to lie, but that is a part of it.
No, there's a lot to being a parent. There's a lot of other parts too, but poopy diapers is part of it. I can't lie.
That's tough. I have known other had friends who have had babies who had that. And I'm really glad James didn't do that because that's there's not much you can do about it. Just happens.
Oh, yeah, as a movie guy and a horror guy. It feels like one I'd probably enjoy.
I have one that's really not that weird, but it's weird to me because I don't come from, I'm not, this is not a thing I'm as familiar with. And I've talked about it, I think, on this show before. I went trap shooting. A friend's birthday party happened and we went out and went trap shooting. And I didn't grow up around guns and I don't have any guns.
And I don't have a super negative opinion, but I kind of fear them from a distance. Just in the thing of like, I don't want that in my house because that could be dangerous and you have to be very careful and safe.
I was trying to decide if that was funny. I don't like it. It's a trap. Yeah, no, I got it. I got it. It was fun. It was surprisingly fun. And I think both because it wasn't as hard on my shoulder as I thought it was going to be. Definitely get sore, but it's not like I didn't have like a huge ridiculous bruise or anything too bad.
And it was you could like I didn't hit every shot, but I hit some shots. And when like the thing gets launched and it's going and you're like, yeah, you get it. It's very satisfying. It's very rewarding, and it's not so hard that you can't hit a single one the first time you go out.
You could hit some, and there were a couple stations where there were two or three that they would fire from different locations, and I hit all three of them in sequence, and it was like, oh, that's nice. That was sick. Cool. It was surprisingly fun, and I'd never done it before. It was very fun. I didn't think I was going to enjoy it that much.
It's a prune juice company started by a very enthusiastic southern preacher. Prusa. Prusa. Prune juice for your soul.
You know what? I agree with that. You know what? I don't handle well. I learned this morning. And it was busy. And there were some like frantically upset people. And I am a sympathetic crier. And I did not do very well trying to stand in a waiting. There was like one woman who was there by herself because she brought her dog in because it had seemingly had a seizure or something. Neurological.
It was very bad. She was like filling out paperwork, weeping, which... I get, cause I would be too. Then there was a family whose dog was like getting treatment who was not doing well. It seemed like the dog maybe was terminal or it was not going well. And they like brought them back to see the dog and then came back out and they were all just like weeping like super.
And there were some other dogs or whatever animals who were there. And the owners were all like, it was for all for emergencies. And everyone was super upset. And I was like, I'm just here to, My, my dog's fine. We're fine. She's just getting looked at. But like, I, I couldn't, I can't handle that shit in public. That's a, that's a specific type of setting that I'm not in very much.
It was, I didn't like it. I was, it was hard and not because it was sad, but just because it made me cry for no apparent reason, which made me deeply uncomfortable. Cause I'm staying there with my relatively healthy pet. And she's like licking me and being like, what are we doing dad? And everyone else is like, Please please save my baby. Please help us. It just felt weird.
I didn't care for it Not in a judgmental way. I'm sorry for those people but but in good activities you ever go to a good stand-up show Even not so good stand-up is pretty fun.
What'd they send you? FTC, just so we're clear, I think Mark might have got a couple 3D printers or something.
I don't know if I have anything I've actually done that I would consider the worst. I don't do those things. If I think something would probably be the worst, I probably didn't do it.
Man, have I never been to a parade of any kind where at any point I was like... I'm glad we came. This is fun. I love that every parade I go to inevitably leads to me getting like way overstimulated or literally sitting there on the parade route just being like, holy fuck, that's the loudest ambulance I've ever seen.
Yeah, I mean, if I ever do, I'm sure I'll go to a parade again at some point because we have a kid and, you know, he might like it. I doubt it because he's our son. And I don't think Mandy and I are very big parade people. But your plugs will be in order because, oh, my God.
There was a point in my life where I liked like new metal and I liked metal growing up. And there was a point where I went to concerts with friends and I was like, yeah, cool. And I never actually went in a mosh pit because that sounded really stupid to me. But as as a now looking back on that, I find it so confusing why people like mosh pits.
I guess it's just exciting, but I feel like the best case scenario is you're like, yeah, I went into the mosh pit. This guy jumped and flipped in the air and kneed me in the face and broke my orbital bone. It was awesome. It's like, what? You... But you you didn't even like hit him back. It's not like you got in a fight. He just did that. And you were like, yeah.
And then you hit somebody else probably with your what? It's confusing.
Crazy pits at Ed Sheeran concerts. When he starts rapping, they go fucking nuts in the pit, man.
Would that mean that Mark would win the episode? Or would the random other person win the episode?
I don't know if this conspiracy, but I guess this popped into my head. You guys can tell me if this is the idea of sovereign citizenship. Is that a conspiracy or is that more like an ideology? Do you guys you guys know what sovereign citizens are? I think so.
they're like they're people who claim that they are sovereign unto themselves they do not recognize that like if they live inside the u.s they don't recognize the sovereignty of the united states and they and they'll do shit like put a license plate on their car their car will be unregistered but they'll have a license plate that just says sovereign citizen like i registered this with myself and it's just a
fake license plate they bought online type of shit.
And this is kind of cruel, but they bring it on themselves. So I feel like it's okay to laugh. Videos of sovereign citizens representing themselves in court. especially for minor things like traffic tickets or like civil disputes or whatever are always so fucking funny. Cause they're like a person representing themself in court in general can be, it's funny, but like, it's kind of sad.
Cause like they're, you know, they're probably not protecting their personal rights as much as they could if they had a real representation, but maybe they know what they're doing. That's not likely, but maybe, but software citizens will just be the most smug, like funny, full of it.
They'll be in court and be like, uh, your honor, since I don't recognize the jurisdiction of the state of Maine or of the country of the United States, uh, I move that this be dismissed and the judge will just look at them and be like, This is fucking traffic court. There's no, you don't make motions. There's no evidence. This is not a trial.
You drove your car 58 miles an hour in a 35 mile an hour zone. Do you have evidence that that is not true? And they were like, no, no, I did that. But in the laws of me, that's legal. And and it's just the judges just don't give a fuck because it doesn't happen that often, I would imagine, for any individual judge.
But when it comes up, it's always it's just always so funny and not because often the person will ultimately still be punished or fined or whatever. That sucks. And hopefully they deserve whatever happens. And it's not like unjust or. Oh, I almost said the word, but I didn't. unjust or unfair.
But it's just watching judges just tell them to shut the hell up and that they are idiots is always funny to me.
I mean, yeah, there are definitely in America as much as in a lot of the world or more. And then in a lot of the world, you could totally disappear. You could live off grid in a place where no one could really do anything to you.
And this is for distractible, right? Do you tell them it'll be on the show?
Well, West and Southwest. North, North, North, North, North, North, and South Dakota.
I feel like that idea was floated, and I heard they're not into it. Yeah, like, right. It's hard to imagine why you wouldn't want to give up your national sovereignty to another nation for no apparent reason and become a state. But I heard they're not into it. That's my impression. No, they're going to be called the USA.
Just because this came up previously and I don't want to have another misunderstanding for everyone on the subreddit and in general online who did not like when we made a joke about Canada booing the national anthem in hockey games and stuff. We fucking know why that happened. And I think I can speak for all three of us when we say, we generally agree with you, just to be super clear about it.
Did you guys see that? There were people online who were like, how could they not know? How ignorant could they be?
And if you were sincerely sad, because I understand a lot of Canadians are upset, angry, generally unsettled about what's happening between our country and yours right now, we didn't mean to make you upset. But also... It was a fucking joke. We know. We heard about that. God damn. We also hate us. Nobody hates us more than we.
Oh, those are so funny, though. Yeah. Did you see the big thing? They went to Antarctica and did a bunch of experiments. And every experiment confirmed that the Earth was round. And the guy was like... Well, I'm going to find some more experiments, I guess, because I know it's flat.
We still got them. I fucking hope so. I hope they're pulling a huge one over on all of us. Because if not, and they actually believe all that stuff, actually, that would explain a lot of what goes on in the world today.
What's my worst conspiracy theory? That was a really good one. I don't even know if I have one that competes with that. That's the one. That would be my pick too, honestly. I think that I was about to arrive at that before Mark said it out loud. It's just dumb. It's just dumb. It is still funny, but in a much more depressing way.
Even by Markiplier standards, which people, when they find out, like, oh, you're Markiplier, they'll often get really hyped up and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, use our thing. It sounds like they really got the hots for you.
But Sovereign Citizens isn't that sad up close. Like, you might feel empathetically bad for the person, but they're doing it to themselves. No, no, I don't feel bad for them. I feel bad for people who have to deal with them.
Philosophically, I guess, but it's still, it's not...
You have to do the D3 thing, and then we'll know how many spins. How many spins we got? Three. Oh, boy. It's party time out here. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Might as well go all in. I'm eating a Jolly Rancher while I spin the first spin. Oh, blue and purple are pretty close, right?
I think I came up with that because you were wearing the one tan shirt that you own. And I was like, you blend in. Spin number two.
And spin number three. Please end in a tie for Wade. Please end in a tie. It's possible. Keep going, keep going, keep going.
I mean, it's, is it between Mark and I, who's the baldest or is it, it's supposed to be, I have, I'm receding. You can see, I have a little, I have a little, it's receding. Do we just re spin this one?
If I go like this, it looks like I'm just all the way bald.
My hairline goes as far back as my ears are over here. It's climbing.
Wait, just try and negotiate the point so that he doesn't do the one.
Yeah. So you're just trying to make it so you don't get the point for baldest.
If I win, I'm bald. so wait so if mark wins he's bald if mark loses all heads mark is bald all tails bob is bald no well the it would be doubly unfair which would mean wade would get two points yeah i guess so yeah i guess between me and him wade has to do two one-man shows i don't think that's how we're doing heads for mark anything else doesn't really matter
Yeah, I would reflip. I would say that's a reflip for Mark. You'd better flip carefully, though, because mine was tails.
I don't think it changes it either way, does it? That would give me two points. Is that enough to affect the outcome, Wade? No.
all right well you know what at least i beat the listeners that's true listeners got a point just so they could come in fourth place out of three i'm giving henry two bonus points that henry also beats that's fair that makes it all worth that means we still have to do the one-man show wheel though doesn't it and so i have to turn it up to eight percent
What if they are? What a funny gag that would be. They make one really good one, and that's the one where they're like, oh, send this to all the YouTubers and stuff. Like, get people to talk about this one. And the rest of them are just like Chinese-ium rebadges of knockoff crap. Like, ha ha.
We have a thing. It's at 8% for the one-man show. That's looking really big.
I'm happy but also it was right there
You're doing a loser speech. I don't really feel like a loser because we made it all the way to the accidental tie wheel. When I lost 26 coin flips in a row, I never thought I'd be in favor of wheel spins and coin flips and all this shit. I like it now. I've totaled 180. I'm glad this is the way that our show is now. I hope it never changes.
But I'm sure it will because we'll probably just forget at some point and stop doing it. But that's okay because that's who we are as people.
What's the print volume on that thing?
Prusa XL build volume is about 14 inches cubed.
I mean, he's everywhere. He's he's over here, too. He's everywhere.
Bob, what's new with you? Guys, my woodworking journey has begun. Yeah, that's right. I immediately started making mistakes, but it's okay because I got wood glue and clamps. You're going to need more clamps. I already bought more clamps twice.
No, I only own six clamps, and I need about 20 to do what I want to do.
Well, and you need some calls so you can do flat glue-ups and keep them nice and trued up, and you need some good parallel clamps. I'm going to need corner clamps. I found a local woodworking company that makes like hardwood custom hardwood furniture.
And they just have like a room full of off cuts of pretty nice, like random sized hardwood just, and they're like, yeah, just like whatever, like five bucks, take that hunk of whatever we got, you know, like maple and the heads and mahogany, which is pretty cool. And like, they just have a bunch of stuff. So yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna like make a cutting board or something. Yeah.
Hell yeah. But also I'm going to build, the thing I'm really hype on right now is I'm going to build James a train table. Did you guys ever have one of those when you were a kid? No. No. It's just a table. But it's like you put the wooden train tracks and you drive the train. It's like that kind of thing. Are you going to print the tracks?
No, I already have the tracks because we got them from a secondhand shop for like super cheap. But this one's going to have multiple levels. And one level is going to have like Lego board affixed to it. But then you take that off and there's going to be a lower level that'll be like train land. It's going to be fun. I'm hype about it.
I've got a really simple plan that uses mostly dimensional lumber and it's not very professional woodworking, but I'm not a very professional woodworker. So I'm pretty hype about it. I might even throw in some half lap joints if I'm feeling crazy. Lap jack joints sound cool. I talked to you guys about this, but since I set this up in the last episode, Lexi's okay.
Lexi had her surgery, survived the surgery. She's having some reaction, which is causing an insane amount of swelling and bruising, and the doctor is not super happy about that.
Like lenses or 3D printing or server? No, they're very different.
Sorry, I was just taken so aback by your weird, inappropriate nickname for our dog that I don't think you should see Lexi in person anymore.
That's messed up. Yeah, that's true. I actually have, I have a prop that applies directly to that for some reason. Uh, look what I found in my basement. Wow. It's literally, I, I think I know what it's from, but when I found it, I was like, what in the shit? Yeah. It's just a white tube that just says lube on it. It's from Quaker steak.
When you come over, she goes upstairs and we keep you guys separate.
God, I don't want to hear anything about the news right now. I listen to it every day, but I don't know if I can handle anymore.
Do we lose everybody yet? Or how's that working out?
Listen, who needs offensive or defensive linemen when you have a quarterback and two receivers? If I know anything about football, that is all you need. I'm pretty sure that's the entire team, basically. Everyone else is just show, just fluff.
I think it'd be quite the move if a team who was like not particularly good, but maybe could make a bunch of cap space, just bought Burrow and Chase and Higgins or one of those two and just brought them in and was like,
The thing is money. I am also not an expert, but I will say the thing is money, right? It's expensive to keep good players.
And also, Burrow, Chase, and T. Higgins have all proven that they're S-class, top-tier players, which means that even if they are under contract with Cincy, there's a big potential that someone else would be like, here's an even more hilariously large pile of money if you come play with us. And they'll get bought out of their contract or just break their contract or whatever.
Like, I don't know the specifics, but basically it costs a lot. And for some reason, our owner is too cheap to want to win a Super Bowl. Or there's also like a salary cap. I have no specific knowledge of how that works or where it stands.
Because winning is for idiots. Hey, I know this isn't a sports podcast, but I have funny sports news. I couldn't tell if this was real for a long time, but it's really fucking funny. The MLB is in spring training right now, so they're starting to play baseball.
And they released new apparel all the time, right? And they released a new series of hats, where generally it's the team logo really big, and then the letter of the city or the state that they're from in the middle, just as a general design, which... Sure. But it made some hilarious hats because like the the Texas logo, the Texas Rangers logo is just the word Texas is what they went with.
I think you made a series of jokes riffing on this exact quote. Matthew McConaughey. Are you talking about Matthew McConaughey?
T-H-I-N-K-T-H-E-R-E-F-O-R-E-I-M. That is not the philosopher's name. Oh, I thought that was pretty close. Socrates. So close. Rene Descartes. Of course. Yeah, obviously. Of course. Back to science. What is the half-life of carbon-14? Come on, man.
Easy question. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. You love science. You love science.
So, so close, bud, but not quite. Of course, the half-life of carbon-14 is 5,730 years. You knew that. You knew that. You just couldn't remember. You just couldn't remember. That's how many feet are in a mile. Sure, sure, yeah, yeah. Which moon of Jupiter is known for its subsurface ocean potential for harboring life?
hey this guy all right mark we did almost an entire episode where this was a thing we talked about extensively and i believe it was a thing that you brought up i know you know this oh great okay okay what does crisper stand for in the field of genetic engineering I know you know this. These are all words that everyone knows, probably. Except maybe that one. I'll give you a hint.
That's the thing. I thought that was the joke. I thought it was a punishment. Well, I mean, punishment or joyous occasion. Like, woo! It's like winning the lottery, you know? We hit the random chance that was really rare, and ooh! Never in my life have I bought a lottery ticket and then thought, man, I don't want that to happen ever. God, please don't. That's what I mean.
It starts with a C. Yeah, CRISPR. C-R-I-S-P-R. All right. And you know the letters. That's not the question we asked, but that's pretty good. Don't tell me if I'm right or wrong until I get to the end of it, okay? All right. Sell. I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. No one said anything. Sell.
No one said a word so if we just make faces while he guesses he'll never know I'll make the same I'll react the same way to every guest if it's right or wrong Cell raw insertion sensual pleasure reaction. So close. So close. Yeah, what was it? Put your listening ears on because, of course, CRISPR stands for Clustered Regularly Interspaced Short Palindromic Repeats. What did you... I blacked out.
What did you just say? Clustered, regularly interspaced, short palindromic repeats. Palindromic? Yeah, yeah, palindrome. Yeah, I know palindrome. You know about palindromes? Yeah, I didn't know that was in the name. Race car's a palindrome. It was a good attempt. I got a softball for you. You definitely know this one. I'm already knocking it off the list. I'm already checking it off. You know it.
Who directed the 1982 cyberpunk film Blade Runner? Oh, Ridley Scott. Hey, see?
This guy knows. Great. What is the Schwarzschild radius?
Half the diameter. He's great! All right, Wayne. All right, moving on. Next question. Wayne answered his own question. Sorry. All right. It's something to do with the black hole, I think, but it's not the event horizon, so it must be just like...
That's honestly so close, but I can't give it to you. That's fair. But the Schwarzschild radius is the radius of the event horizon of a black hole. Oh, so it is the event horizon. Oh, okay. I was like, I kept being like, it doesn't have anything to do with it. It doesn't have anything to do with the event horizon.
So it could be good, right? Maybe. It can't be that bad. It couldn't possibly be that bad. You're a funny guy, and we're stupid. So, you know, it'll be fine.
Ah, okay, right. Oh, you're talking about the communist. The Mao Zedong Revolution. I see, I see. Contemporarily, that's referred to as the Cultural Revolution, right? I see, I see, I see, okay. All right, Mark, you know this one. Yeah. Which element was synthesized in 1994 and named for a famous physicist? Probably Einsteinium. Yeah. Okay. All right. And you remembered astatine and everything.
I did. Did I say astatine? You said astanium. You were close. Oh, before. Okay. I thought somehow my lips had moved and words had come out and I didn't notice it. Did I black out and say something else? Maybe. Who was the last Ptolemaic ruler of Egypt? Ptolemaic. Great guess. But no, Cleopatra VII. The VII. I mean, that's sort of the one I think we know as Cleopatra, but yes. Okay. All right.
Gotcha. Okay. But there is a VII, which historians have told me means seven. Okay. All right. That's true. All right. You did pretty good, Mark. You got four correct and six almost correct. All right. What does that get me? The next segment. Yeah, you've earned the right to move on to the next segment, Mark. Oh, yay. I would hate to end early.
This is one that we've also done before, and you thoroughly excelled at, and everyone very much enjoyed your offerings in this episode. Unfortunately, Wade and I are not going to be trying to keep up with you this go-around, so it's going to be just you. Everyone will be excited to hear. The next game is called Two Sentence Horror Stories. Oh, God, no.
uh may i point you bob to subsections four and five if you say it can't be that bad it might have a couple of parts that's up to him how bad those are listen that's fair section four subsection a subsection i i see what you did there bob and i'm laughing but i can't say anything out loud It's fine. It'll be fine. I'm laughing too. I'm really excited for five more than anything. But small talk.
All right, I'm ready. Let's do this. Come on, bring it on.
I'm good. Paul, would you like to lead us off again? Sure. If there's anyone who didn't listen to that episode, you should go listen to it. Mark absolutely shines. I'm going to give Mark one sentence, and his job is to give me the second sentence to make a two-sentence horror story. You'll get it once we start going, but just in case.
The ground beneath my feet began to shift, and I knew something was wrong. Let him cook. Give him a sec. Give me it one more time. The ground beneath my feet began to shift, and I knew something was wrong. It's an earthquake! A spooky earthquake! Look, if you're not afraid of an earthquake, it's going to be scary. That's true.
I've only really ever experienced one earthquake in real life, and it was the babiest earthquake ever. I was live on stream when it happened, and I basically was just all... I think that was an earthquake. It was terrifying. For the half second before my body could process what was happening, it was like, oh, no, the house is collapsing or something. It's scary. I got another. I got another. Wait.
Wait. Cue me up that. Same one. The ground beneath my feet began to shift and I knew something was wrong.
Shut up. No, that does work as a moon worms, right? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Should we skip around through these a few Bob? We have a lot. I imagine we'll just pick out some of our favorites. If you have any favorites, you could skip right to them. I heard something faintly at first, but quickly approaching. So I turned around. I don't fucking know. Well, you know about turning around.
Yeah. I thought this was a softball. I heard something. Faintly at first, but quickly approaching. So I turned around.
That was the fastest ghost I've ever seen.
Oh, I like that. I like that. We're laughing, but I do like that. That's good. That's good. I like that. We're laughing more at your process of coming up with it. I don't know. What am I supposed to say? It just looks like you're being stabbed with a voodoo doll while you try to come up with these.
If only you had practiced being in positions where you had to improvise language coming out of your mouth on the spot.
Yeah, mooses are scary. Mooses could be terrifying. That's fine. No, don't worry, Mark. We'll keep it fresh. Here, this'll be a little palate cleanser before we get into the next two-sentence horror story. Mm-hmm. Mark, what is the half-life of Carbon-14? What? Ah, it's the same as a mile. 5,730, baby. Holy shit, he got it right.
I'm never going to remember what an actual mile is, but I will always think. All right, good job. See, this is designed for you to succeed. Yeah, I feel successful. Am I not going to be allowed to finish Descendants Horror Stories until I answer all the questions? Oh, we don't have rules that complicated. Okay, good. Finish this Horror Story. Wake up, daddy! My daughter cried, shaking me.
Kids are scary. Kids are inherently scary. You got a lot to work with here. Hit me again. Wake up, daddy! My daughter cried, shaking me.
said kids are scary yeah kids are scary kids are scary so i was like ah that's his fear i'll tap right into that fear and i i got i think i got you i think you're just hiding your fear hey if my daughter tried to wake me up by shaking me i would be terrified since i don't have one of those that was good that was concise good job thank you we're not keeping track of points but if we were you would have earned a point for that all right here we go all i wanted to do was make a sandwich
We always do this. How's everybody doing? Anyone got small talks? I went to a UC University of Cincinnati basketball game. Oddly enough, we all went to UC.
I feel like that's not a sentence. I feel like that's not a complete sentence. That's a whole sentence. I don't think it is.
I think it's... I want to make a sandwich. All I wanted to do. Well, that was the qualifier, but I want to make a sandwich. I wanted to make a sandwich. All right, all right, all right. It was all I wanted to do. Hit me again. All I wanted to do was make a sandwich. Too bad I was in jail.
I don't know. What's in the sandwich? Scary stuff? I pulled out the divorce bread.
Oh, that's a tough balance. The old mayonnaise and the young mustard. Can I get it just right? Or the sandwich really fucks you up. All right, I'm ready. You wanted scary. I'll give you an unquestionably scary setup. I woke up from the worst nightmare I've ever had covered in sweat.
while attending i never once went to a basketball game i don't know why but i didn't i went to a game for a friend's birthday and uh he had like 20 people there so they got like one of the boxes it was 100 bucks a person from a box seat which is not bad but went to the uc game and uc played very well they actually won the game it was really fun and i had a friend convinced me that maybe a month ish from now i might be joining a basketball league for the first time in 15 years
I like that. I like that. Ty's in the nightmare. Ty's in the covered in sweat. I like that.
Great. I opened my eyes and I was drifting, floating in the middle of the ocean, alone. That's already scary by itself. I don't need to make anything else. Period. Period. Period. Terrifying. There's already a period at the end of this. Fuck. Quote, parentheses. Yeah, parentheses. Oh no. Period. Parentheses. Said I. Alright, Bob, I'm learning a lesson.
We gotta give him a scary intro, but not too scary. He loses the ability to think if you go right after his fears.
I mean, it is a horror story. You can't hit him with the old, oh no, he said. Yeah, true.
Terrifiedly. No, I know what we have to do next. I know what we have to do next. Mark, what does CRISPR stand for in genetic engineering? I told you. I know you did. I know you did. All right. I know. It's in there. Those words, they're in there. You know this. Cell. That's not right. You can't react. Clustered. Clustered. Clustered. Oh. No, it's an R, actually, next. Clustered. Ranticulated.
succulent palindromic i got two of them i think i got two of them uh you got one of those right i got two clustered oh no you did throw palindromic that's true that's correct it stands for clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats ah well i didn't finish my word my mic cut off i said re And you didn't hear the Pete's at the end there. That's fair. We did not hear the Pete's.
All right, Mark, we'll go back to something I know you're good at. Are we continuing to sentence or do you want to move on to section four? Oh God, I don't want section four. I actually really want to see section four. So I don't like the sound of section four. I'm pretty excited. I mean, there's nothing that says we can't circle back to Tucson. We're circling back to the question, so.
That's true. All right, Mark, so we're going to give you a headline, and you've got to tell us what you think the story is behind the headline. Okay, all right, guys. While doing an impression of someone, we tell you to do an impression. Fuck.
Don't worry. We've only preselected impressions that we know you can do really well. Oh, thanks. Thank you.
that sounded sarcastic but we did actually pick impressions that like you you do i'll give you a softball to start real easy one i'm ready tell me what happened in this story german shepherd leads mass breakout at dog park using your best chica impression those bastards those bastards locked me in here
I don't need to act it as the dog, do I? You could just talk about what happened in the news. No, I'm sticking first person.
oh you're like recounting this to your to your grand puppies yeah i stayed in the park because i was a good girl see easy easy mark you got this my favorite thing about she is when she tells a joke and she laughs good one she has really good jokes pig is the funniest dog i know I don't know that many dogs, but Cheek is definitely the funniest dog I know. All right, Mark, this is a good one.
I'm excited for this one. What happens in this headline? Find the bastard who shat down my chimney. Homeowner's flu poo horror. And please describe what happens in this headline doing an impression of your best friend, me. How do you talk? Well... So... I don't know how to do an impression of you. You talk normally. We're all from Ohio. So was the right word to start with.
And let me tell you. Why does that need a laugh? Because I'm not in basketball shape and I'm bald now. Wade's knees have never been more terrified. Literally, like, I think two months ago I told Bob, I was like, I finally feel like for the first time in a decade, my knees don't hurt every time I go up and down the stairs.
You were on exactly the right track. So there I was on that roof.
So, dropped my pants, squatted over the thing. Next thing I know, they're just screaming at me. And here I am trying to get some privacy, and I'm like, hey, uh, fuck you. I'm Bob and fuck you.
And then I finished. I wiped with a shingle. I slid down there. My shoes flew off. Landed in my Tesla that I modded out custom with eBay parts. I drove off into the sunset to be with my wife and my child because I'm Bob. I basically told that story. I closed my eyes and I could just picture Bob. I've never heard my own voice come from outside my body before.
Yeah, the only thing that I was like, oh, that's something you do. You like lists. When you're telling a story, you do good lists of actions one after another. I am currently waiting on several things from eBay Auto for both of our cars. So that was dead on. And I kind of have to poop. Mark, which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am?
It's not Ridley Scott, I'll tell you that. I'll tell you that much. I know that. Just let it flow. It's in there. It wants to come out. You don't want what's in my head right now. Oh, we do. Pierce Brosnan. So close. It's something.
No, it was not like that. No, you know what's funny is I could absolutely see how those ended up somewhere near each other. And when your brain is searching for like, oh, you just said it. Hang on. Descartes, Brosnan. Well, Ridley Scott actually was closer, honestly. Much closer with Ridley Scott. I wish he'd stuck with that. It was less painful to listen to.
Wait, I have one highlighted that I just can't wait anymore. I really want to hear him talk about this one. I'm ready. I'm ready. Yeah, whatever you want. It's technically your turn. I guess I could just do that next. Former gold mine reopened with new purpose. Once cat seen exiting the mine. In your best Herschel from The Walking Dead impression. Which one?
And then this conversation about joining a basketball league happened to my knees. I felt them quiver. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure that will be fun and that sounds like a great idea. I wish I was in shape enough to play even a sport casually. I'm not. I'm not either. I would just die.
Well, it's a mine story, so... The floor is yours. Alright, okay.
So there I was! Deep in the mines. And I just started to lose it from all the gases that were accumulating at the bottom there. Heavier than air. My canary died. My gerbil expired. My dog exploded. But my cat, my cat was alive. Or so I thought. I assumed. I ran up, out, sprinted into town, barely made it out. I said, it's the mind that makes animals explode.
But everyone was like, there's gold in there. And I was like, get away. Uh-huh. But I tried to stop him. I followed him up the hill, and they were all marching with their torches and their pitchforks, and we're going to kill this mine. And I was like, okay, all right, that's better. Got up there. Cat came out. I said, stand back. It's going to blow. Coughed. Gold nugget pops right out.
I killed everybody. Everybody in the area. Killed them all. I killed everybody. My mine, my gold, my cat. Uplifting. Good to see you again, Herschel.
Ah, I miss those days. Yeah, good times, good times.
A lot more. He is older now, by like a decade, so it makes sense. He sounds a little different. All right, Mark. This is my favorite headline that Wade scrounged up for this. I love it very much. Tell me what happens in this headline. 13 remain dead in morgue after painting debacle. Please expound on this headline in your best impression of old Markiplier before he changed. Hello, everybody.
I tried to play basketball, I think, but I asked them if it was a half court league instead of full court and they laughed at me. Gotta run all the way from the one end to the other end every time. Basketball is a lot of running. Maybe you'll just be an offense guy. Maybe you just stand down there on that end. Maybe they don't need you on the other side. I'm more likely to be the defense guy.
and so i was like hey look at this and they were like it's blank and i look oh it's blank what's up with that so uh then all of a sudden all their blood started exploding out of their bodies i don't know what happened and then zoom right into the painting and so i now find that i can live forever through the sacrifice of everyone
Is this old Markiplier? I don't even know anymore. Kind of, I think so. I felt like you hadn't changed there. Yeah, that felt like 2013. I couldn't remember. I was trying to go for the, what's the, the Dorian Gray. I was trying to go for the painting of Dorian Gray, and then halfway through, I forgot how it worked. Is he the guy that whips the girl in Fifty Shades? Yes, that's it.
No, oh, that's right. The painting's old. Yeah, the painting ages and he doesn't age. Painting's me, but old. He just took a break. He just left and came back. He's still in there. He's old. All right, Mark. A two-sentence horror story for you. I opened the cupboard in the old abandoned house to find a single dust-covered cup. The trouble was, I owned two cups.
dramatic pause even wow that'd be pretty scary yeah now you'd be like well where the fuck's the cup i live here alone with the shit just for kicks mark and what year did the cultural revolution begin in china 1966 well yeah it did bob do we want to dive into the last bit or do you uh i would love to just keep circling back to all this stuff but we should probably get to the last section here yeah okay
Mark, over our many years of doing this podcast and reaching back before, you've created some incredibly memorable stingers. Some segment introductions that have been used on multiple occasions, just etched into our memories. Everybody loves them. It's a crowd favorite. And we were hoping for this episode, if you could do us the honor of recreating from memory...
your stinger intros that you had for, and we'll give you the titles, give you the titles. It's okay. If you could recreate it from memory, the stingers that you've played over the years of distractible. Yeah. They're just literally like we quote them constantly. So there are, you know, I just, those memories are perfect. They're perfectly encapsulated. I love them. I love them.
And I'm excited for this one. I'm so ready. This is one of the most iconic ones, I feel like. So we'll start with an easy one. I would love for you to recreate morbid mysteries of the missing millennium. Do I have to do the music, too? We can imagine the music. You can do what you can if you want to make sounds to supplement, but... Have you ever felt a chill run down your spine?
Well, I turned around and he was gone.
I always like defense more than offense. But anyway, maybe maybe sports, maybe shape. Maybe dead. I mean, that's all of our lives, really, day to day. That's true. There's a couple more maybes in there probably sometimes, but that's about right. I am making a huge sweeping change in my life that has needed to happen for years and years.
God, that was so much better than I remembered it ever being. I got the one I just made confused with it because I forgot how I set up that one. Yeah, no, don't worry. We'll get to the smell one. Don't worry.
i'm gonna be honest all of the rest of these no two of the rest of these i didn't remember happening we had to do some research so i'm curious how much you'll remember but you you crafted these some of those are lost to the winds oh i found them okay never mind please recreate for us unusual oddities of an unreal understanding oh god i don't fucking know man what the fuck is that
You're trying to gaslight me. I wouldn't do... Oh, man. Well, I guess we'll see if I have a recording of that queued up or not. All right. No, I got this. All right, here we go. Should we give them the first words? No, I don't need it. I don't need it.
Unusual... Unusual oddities of an unreal understanding. It's really interesting the way that this one starts. Shut up. No, it's not. It is, actually.
I think I have one or two. Well, we have three more, if that gives you any idea of where we're going. You have them. We sure do. Oh, fuck. Mark, who was the last Ptolemaic ruler of Egypt? Cleopatra VII.
Mark, we've done a couple of spooky Mark intros, but we have one here that I think is uplifting. I think will help get you in the right mindset moving forward. Please perform for us the greatest good. You can have a hint if you want it. What? Yeah, give me a hint. I don't... I would never do a cheerful one of these. What are you talking about? Do you want the first line? The opening line?
Wait, I do know. Wait, I'm remembering. I'm vaguely remembering. It started off... Something like that.
And then it's all like, 17 children saved from exploding burning bus accident.
Bing, bing, bong, bing, bing. Local cat saved from burning tree. Burning cat saved from local tree. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Hey, somehow Wade still gets haircuts, which I don't understand, but continue. As you guys know, I've had ADHD for a while, and I've always known that my ADHD medication doesn't play well with caffeine.
No viewer discretion is advised on that one, though. You got the right, like, feel, though. Yeah. You basically remembered that. That is an old one. That is one of the original batch. I would give you credit for that. That episode was from Never Give Up, which I think was December of, like, what was that, 2021? Of the first year. Oh, yeah. Wow. All right, Mark.
Well, the next one's basically the polar opposite of that. But first, what is the Schwarzschild radius? Oh, it's the radius of the event horizon. Legendary. All right. If you could recreate for us from the episode, we're all going to die. You're a stinger entitled Nightmares of Futures Past.
It's probably similar to the other ones that have made sense. There's a kind of a formula.
Right, because I did that as a surprise. No viewer discretion advised. I forgot. Yeah, no viewer. I thought there was viewer discretion advised. I thought there was, too. Because I remember I prepared a long intro with no dialogue for me to actually live say as it was playing and then go into the thing. It was quite a surprise. You guys had no fucking idea what was happening.
Yeah, no, I don't remember that happening, but it had a twist to it.
You changed, man. Mark, which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am? I'll let you know your last guess was Pierce Brosnan.
I'm trying to get that out of my head. Oh, Ryan Deckert. That's it. All right, Mark, finish this two-sentence horror story. Okay, come on, man. A fat Siamese cat just ate all my mackerel. I had just hauled in a record-setting 2,200 pounds of mackerel. That's no ordinary cat, comma, that's no ordinary cat. Wow. I like that. I like that one. That's a good one. I like that.
Mark, I've got a headline here for you. Man making pasta ends up on wild police chase. In your best Shrek impression.
Ah, there I was driving through Italy and I was just taking a nice vacation. I don't remember what happened in the headline, so I'm going to make it up. The police were chasing me. I got all this spaghetti in the back and donkeys riding up top. He fell off, ran right over from the police.
Beautiful. It sounds a lot like your Irish accent. Oh. Mark, your most recent stinger. You could recreate it, please. It's called It's in the Air. Fuck. Why can't I remember what I just made like a week ago? I spent so long doing it. It's why I'm here. It's got me into this shit. It got me into this mess. Wait. I've got it. What the fuck? Sorry, that was in my research, finding all these clips.
I put that one on there, too, just for me. All right, I've got it. All right, I'm ready. Okay, here we go.
Wow. I think that was pretty close, yeah. That was pretty close, right? Yeah, I might have messed up. But the way it actually went was... Yeah, let's play it again! Let's play it again! I don't know why I could... And that was the most word-filled, like, word soup one possible. I don't know how everyone remembered that.
Well, I think we're about ready for the end, but one more question for you, Mark. What does CRISPR stand for in genetic engineering? Oh, clustered, randomly inserted, short palindromic... Oh, fuck. Repeats. You got most of those words right, but you missed two of them. Oh, well, it's the R and the I. It sure is. Clustered regularly interspaced short palindromic repeats. Sure.
Bob, I think we're at six. I think we are. Six? What do you mean six? What do you mean? I mean, we're at subsection six. Don't worry. There's only seven subsections. What do you mean?
All right, Mark, we get to figure out who wins.
Me, Bob, or do you have to do a one-man show? There's almost no chance.
I'm not worried about this one. It basically can't happen.
Anyway, I'm going to click the thing. God, I hope we don't get one-man show again. We really... Bob, you earned this one.
You did it. All right. Well, I guess if Bob's the winner, Bob, would you like to go first? Would you like Mark to go first? Oh, I would love for Mark to go first.
that's so much caffeine and was red bull your creamer oh it's like a bad what's the word the guinness and red bull what's that called guinness and red bull is that the one that's called an irish car bomb or is that a different one no that's a different one let me tell you don't don't mix guinness and lucky charms i wouldn't i won't i never was in danger of that happening in the multiverse never had occurred until now i guess now there's multiple universes that are spawning on
yeah so mark um you we have a loser's speech for you but it is a uh not sponsor so you're gonna have to read the not sponsor bit um as you do your loser speech but don't worry um not all of it is verbatim so you can kind of riff a little bit i have to read this exactly as written this is your sponsored segment and then you can give your loser speech once you do the sponsored segment for the not sponsored listen up you can change however you want the rest of it verbatim
all right this is not sponsored by tall men shoes.com listen up short men feeling blue tired of life looking down on you i'm mark and i've been there too put tall men shoes.com saw me through two to five inches taller you'll stand no more feeling like less of a man Small club members all agree these shoes set our spirits free. What small club, you might ask?
Short men aspiring to long legs, our task. We meet to gripe and moan and whine about how being short's a poor design. Visit tallmenshoes.com today. Walk tall in a brand new way. Boost your height, boost your life. Cut through struggles like a knife. Disclaimer, these shoes won't fix your tiny frame or make you less of a dating shame.
your worth's still small let's be clear but hey at least you'll feel less near to the ground alright is this a real website it is a real company not sponsored not affiliated it is a real website a real company nothing that we said had anything to do with their actual website let's be clear it's fine although they say that I'm making a loser speech here I'm not.
I'm a winner because I not only met, but I exceeded all of their expectations in every way. And also clustered, regularly interspaced, short palindromic repeats. Hmm. It's good that you bring that up. Mark, what's the capital of Bhutan? Bhutan City. You know what? It's wrong, but I'll take it. What is the name of the deepest known point in Earth's oceans? Mariana's Trench.
We've got Challenger Deep. It's in the Mariana's Trench. It's in the Mariana's Trench. What is it? More specific?
Bob Winterspeed! This was probably not our weirdest episode to date, but it felt weird. My eyes are still tearing up. I had a great time. I think we all had a great time, and that's what's most important. All three of us were here just hanging out, having a good time, enjoying life, and that's why it was such a funny episode.
I feel grateful that I won this, and I can't wait to move on and never have to do the wheel spin again, said optimistically. We have a bunch of new constitutional stuff that I already have forgotten almost all of, but Something, something, wheelspin still exists. I don't care. I win, bitches. Woo, yeah! Nice job, everyone. Nice job. Bob, thank you for all your help.
I feel like it was actually a pretty good amount of work building the one-man show, but it was a lot of fun. It was good to go back and review some of these things and look forward to Mark, especially doing two-sentence horror stories again. Mark, thanks for being a good sport.
If you haven't already, go follow Bob at MySkirm, Mark at Markiplier, or me at Minion777 or LordMinion777. Make sure you follow or subscribe to the podcast. Keep watching, oil watchers. And I guess we'll see you in the next one. Until then, Podcast out.
That's admirable, though. I've not cut it out completely for a long period, but I did almost a month where I did like a kind of a caffeine reset. Man, that first energy drink. The month after I did the reset, I was like, holy shit, it does something. That was last year.
I'm already at the point now where I'll get the biggest can of Red Bull they sell, and I chug the whole thing, and I'm like, oh, God, I need a nap. Ooh, that's tough. I was like, that's not, that's probably not good.
That's admirable. I'm eternally jealous of people where caffeine is just like a thing they can do and it gives them like Mandy has that. Mandy is super sensitive to caffeine. And so like if she gets a bad night's sleep and the next morning is just like super rough, she could just be like, oh, man, I'm going to have a sip of Dr. Pepper. That will help.
And she has like half a Dr. Pepper and she's like, oh, the caffeine. I'm like, what the fuck is it? Dr. Pepper, what happened? Like, I wish I had that. God damn.
But again, everyone can do whatever they do. I don't want to upset the capitalist machine. No, Mark's right. Caffeine is the devil. Oh, no, no. Trinks your penis, I assume. Trinks your penis.
Does caffeine shrink penis? I just looked up the AI overview, just like, no, there is no evidence that caffeine shrinks the penis.
What a definitive answer. Thanks. Thank you. Thanks, AI overlord. That's a weird thing because it's not even caffeine either. Separately, soda, the sweetness, especially of sugar-free soda, it's so sweet. It's hard to match that because I like like sparkly water, like flavored sparkly water. Like right now I'm in a bad cycle where I've been drinking a lot of like Sprite Zero and sweet stuff.
And when I get that craving, that fruity seltzer water tastes awful. This isn't sweet enough. I want the cloying sweetness of a drink that tastes like it's going to kill me.
or whatever the dr pepper commercials were yeah it's the sweet one i think they're all the sweet one couldn't tell you but i do like dr pepper it's one of the many flavors in dr pepper sweet one it's also hard whenever you pair things together like i used to drink so much soda with everything that there are certain foods when i eat it like like if i go to skyline i need a soda to go with the chili they don't have mountain dew at skyline anymore it's kind of ruined i was always pepsi with skyline now i do dr pepper because they have their coke products now
They switched to Coke products and they have Mellow Yellow, but no one carries Mellow Yellow Zero on tap. But they always had Diet Mountain Dew up in there. Still disappointed about that one, but I'll survive. Probably should just not eat Skyline or Diet Mountain Dew anymore. Okay, let's not be crazy. He's right.
What if you bring your own Mountain Dew to Skyline, but you buy a Mellow Yellow and then you just like... asks for just a cup of ice, and you're like, I will pay for the soda, but I need my Mountain Dew, which is how you drink Mountain Dew. You get the shake as you pour it. I feel like the rational solution is to just get Skyline to go, which is not the same. It's not as good to go.
It's still good. But you can ask for the cheese on the side, which helps. A three-way is not the same on your table as it is someone else's, you know? I eat my three-way on my lap like a dog, but... Even if you're in the restaurant, just at the bar, I'll take it in my lap, please. Here's your order. You just spin your stool and gesture to your crotch. I don't like barking at my dick.
That was not a fun experience. What did you do to your dick? For some reason, whenever I was eating off my lap, I went... I don't know why that was my response to that. I must have missed that. You were talking and he... Did you scare your dick a little bit? Thankfully, it's hard to scare it any smaller after my caffeine intake. Hey, Google says there's no evidence supporting that.
Well, my PP says there is. Okay, all right, well. I was just trying to think of small talk this whole time. Yeah, big talk? Wait, I got a workbench in the garage, Mark. I got an altar to put all my Ryobi products on. Whoa! Well, it's one of those rolling tool chests with the workbench on top kind of thing. So it's got like 20 drawers that all pull out.
Since I got that, I also ordered a couple things, Ryobi things that were on sale. So I have more Ryobi in my life than I had previously.
that's basically what i said wow that was my attempted muppet laugh i don't know if it worked yeah came right through that's what i thought i could tell by the reaction it was not Well, Mark has no idea what's about to happen during this episode.
Yeah, there it is. Like he knows where it is, even though it looks like an absolute clusterfuck of everything. That's the kind of workbench I aspire to.
I think I own a hammer, a wrench. I think I own at least one of each of those tools. Those are good things to have. What size? Oh, they fit in my hand and they have a little thing that makes them go. That's called adjustable wrench. Yep. Got one of those. Why is it called that? Because you can adjust the mouth.
uh this guy thinks he's not a workbench guy you're a workbench guy you're on the way i'm more of a junk drawer guy with a couple tools i was given over the years jolly's where it starts it hasn't evolved yet after 10 years of having those things oh sometimes it starts slow it's coming just wait workbench guy two weeks from i'll come back i'm tool the tim man or tool the tim man taylor
My brain couldn't figure out what was wrong with that sentence. I was like, no, those are all the correct words. I'm glad you got it, Mark. That was really good. You have to do it backwards, Wade. Yeah, you didn't get that way. That was for you. It's inverted, just like Tool the Tim Man.
That makes me question myself when you say things like that. No, it's really. Was it that funny? I've made funny jokes. That's a very intelligent, quick to come up with joke. Not to hyperanalyze the comedy of it, but that is actually really fast to come up with that idea. And it's very funny.
They are. They are. Take your hands off the wheel. Clap loudly. Roll your window down and stick your torso out and scream to the world. No, but seriously, car accidents while listening to this podcast have never been higher. Please be careful. Mark, are you prepared? What do I need to be prepared? You don't need to be prepared. You just need to brace yourself. Okay. All right.
Wade, do you want me to kick it off? By all means. Our first game today is a classic. It's one we've all enjoyed. The viewers have requested more of it. So I think it's time. We call this one Easy Questions. I thought you were going to say change. I was like, oh, God, no. Uh, no, we could add that in if you want that. No, no, it's okay. I don't need that. Easy questions, Mark.
When did we play that? Uh, well, there were 20 easy questions previously. Do you remember the wall? What was the wall? Built by the Roman emperor, the wall? Adrian's wall. I think you got this one, Mark. Is it the same questions? No, it's... Do you... What was the most commonly occurring, naturally occurring element on Earth? Do you remember, Mark? Do you remember? Astatine. Astatine.
It's called One Man Show, and I don't think Wade and I really came up with an idea that is a traditional old-school one-man show, but it will be Mark's show, and he is the man. We thought we could start with small talk. We're not trying to torture you every second of the whole thing. Some of it might be tough. We're all friends here, you know? I don't know why it has to be torture.
No, it's okay. I know you know those ones because they're so easy. We have new easy questions, Mark. Okay, I'm ready. And you should know these. Some of them you've learned, like Wade taught us about philosophy. Most of them are science. He loves science. Space. I love science. Yeah, we'll just rotate, Bob. You ask one, I'll ask one, and we'll go through. Apollo 11, Mark.
You know things about space. Yeah. What programming language was used to write the Apollo 11 guidance computer software? Probably assembly. See? Good job! You know these. Another easy one. Which philosopher is credited with the quote, I think, therefore I am? I don't fucking know. Whitty's Whittle Philosophy Hour. We talked about this. One of the most well-known. At least top 20.
Interesting tidbit. I talked about this recently with some other people on a live stream or something, but Recently, there was a ruling by the U.S.
Copyright Office that denied a proposal to an exemption from DMCA, Digital Millennium Copyright Act, that would have allowed libraries and archives such as the Video Game History Foundation to lend out ROMs of like abandoned media, abandoned video games in particular. There are exceptions that allow for things like that to exist for like historical purposes and archival purposes.
And the copyright office specifically ruled video games don't deserve that exemption. There were several, one at least, I think a couple online libraries where you could go and get ROMs of old games that you really can't even buy if you want to anymore. You can't do that anymore. They're shutting that down.
So it's a big it was a big cut against preservation of media because abandoned media and lost media is a huge problem in the world of video games as it is in music, movies, TVs. But like video games is a relatively young media and there are way less people who are who are concerned about preserving it at this point.
Still, there are a lot of preservation efforts for old film reels and old music and forms of media and all that sort of stuff because just older.
have more have had more time to develop that there are currently games that are just falling off out of existence because you can't find physical copies they're getting old and destroyed and you you know the number of organizations trying to preserve roms and their ability to share them with anyone is uh not substantial enough to prevent things from just being lost to time
It's very fun until you get there and you're in court and we water skis in your wetsuit. It's terrible. It's terrible. Look, it's part of the strategy.
Okay, good. Can we talk openly and encourage everyone to leave comments and talk openly about how little we actually give a shit about the Game Awards in the nicest way possible? I appreciate that it's a nice industry event, and it seems like it's very well put on. Jeffrey What's-His-Name seems very congenial as far as I've ever seen him online.
Bob, do you have water? I have two drinks and neither of them is water, but they're they're hydrational. Oh, no. They're they're they're zero sugar sport drinks. Nope.
As much as I don't give a single shit about the Oscars, except for that five minute clip where Will Smith slaps Chris Rock and it's very awkward. I could not be bothered to watch the Game Awards for even a moment ever. Have you guys ever sat and watched any of the? No.
So not everyone's excited about everything. I think if Half-Life 3 was announced at the Game Awards, even gamers who don't give a shit about Half-Life would probably be moderately excited about that just because of the memes. I think there is the legitimate community excitement around like, ooh, what's going to come? What are they going to announce at the Game Awards?
Is it going to be the new Morrowind game? Is it going to be whatever? There's rumors. It is exciting. It is also a business, but people are excited about that. Just not me.
I think if you're excited about one, there's a decent chance you're excited about the other because I'm not excited about one or the other. So I assume it goes the other. I'm on the one end and there's another end of the scale where both of those are very cool for you, for whomever.
show that's not part of the super bowl if you're talking about it as a football game but that's a thing that is as publicized as all of the rest of it and everyone's like oh it's performing oh it's a guest artist oh that's fair how many sharks are there gonna be oh i don't know i just i don't like it i don't like the bundle in force you to watch one of it you don't care about in order to watch the other way doesn't like things how many points is that worth we know he doesn't like things there's no points for that because it's talked about every single every single one
I have never thought about this, but you just made this connection for me, Mark. There are game conventions and there are the game awards is a thing. I think gaming needs needs more events and it's hard to build credibility for this sort of thing, but needs more events that are like film festivals.
Cause you said gaming doesn't have like a other places where it can, you know, it can take itself seriously. And there could be, and I feel like gaming would do great in the format of like a film festival where it's like games, games get submitted. They are sort of reviewed or maybe there's panels or, but then there are also awards like at con or a Sundance or whatever, all these film festivals.
If a movie wins an award at one of these festivals, like, That's not the same as winning an Oscar, but that is one of the avenues that films have where it's like it's building buzz. Maybe it's a smaller film. Maybe it's a documentary, which is never going to be like a blockbuster. But but that would be a thing where it's like the community can be part of it. Right. You can attend.
I'm just surprised that's not a thing because there are huge gaming conventions and they're very fun. But why? Why doesn't PAX like like a fire festival for game? Yeah. Fire festival is a great example. Thank you. Why doesn't PAX like have awards or maybe they tried that and it didn't work? I feel like that'd be interesting. Like a best of show kind of thing.
Yeah, like the like the PAX picks or some, you know, some kind of award. The end of PAX is an award ceremony. And it's like, these are the coolest games that we had this year. Check it out. And here's five game trailers.
Oh, there are. Nobody wants that. There are those things.
i don't know if i made a solid conclusional point there but no i mean obviously it doesn't exist and i feel like it would if it was a feasible thing because people gaming has become very legitimized in that way in the last you know five years especially but like if it was a thing that should happen i feel like it would be happening because there would there would be money to make in it honestly and that would be appealing to whomever the guy who made the game awards would also make the game festival film whatever
So clearly there's a reason it doesn't exist, but it just... Or it will now.
And I get half the profits. Distractible claims. I being distractible, team. Well, you get half a point then.
Promise you, if you read one of your stories, it will give me an excellent jumping off point to talk about something that's just fascinating. OK, 100 percent guarantee that's for you. You're welcome.
I was thinking of Virginia. The VA is the administration that like handles veteran benefits. The VA hospitals, I believe, also things like the GI Bill where you get they pay for you to go to school, that sort of stuff. They resigned because it was discovered that they had a staff orgy.
Yeah, it's not an orgy unless at least a few of those were all at once, but okay.
Well, listen. All right. Minus one for Bob. First. I feel like I've been saying this forever. Still sick. Luckily, I'm doing better. But unluckily, Mandy did way worse this past week. Like literally multiple nights where she couldn't even sleep because coughing constantly for hours and hours at a time.
It feels like the thing that's not being said in that article. Oh, by the way, Mark, fraternization is the act of establishing intimate or familiar relationships between individuals or groups, particularly when those associations are considered inappropriate, unethical or problematic in specific contexts. Well, this doesn't seem problematic at all.
But it feels like the higher ups who resigned as a result of this knew about and or in some way condoned or did nothing to put an end to this, this happening. It seems like the one guy was kind of the heart of the problem. Like he's just a horn dog who can't keep it in his pants at a in a place of business where he's supposed to be working and not trying to pick up women to sleep with.
Like he, this guy was like, Hey boss, I totally hooked up with what that girl that I was telling you about. And the boss is like, nice. She's so hot. And that's, that's, that's fishy. Feels like they're not saying part of that.
I could never tell if you do that on purpose or not.
You gotta be careful with that, man. Why does that go to them?
I get that in a workplace, if you were this man's manager and this came to light, you would kind of be like, wow. One, how did I not notice this? And two... That's clearly going to cause some problems. But if everyone who was involved was consenting, there's nothing in here that this was like using a position of authority to inappropriately pressure people to do things.
But beyond the endless misery that Mandy is currently enduring, we had like our first snow, like our first real snow enough in Cincy where it was like stuff was covered and it looked white outside. Like it had snowed before that, but it's always nice that morning when you wake up and you look out and you're like, oh, it's like Christmas.
Or it sounds like it was consensual between all the people who'd had who fraternized. It is perhaps unethical and definitely like not a thing you want in your in your, you know, organization. It doesn't honestly sound that bad. Maybe I'm just a weird freak and it doesn't I should be more weirded out. It doesn't sound that bad to me. Does it happen during work or at work? It didn't say that.
It didn't say anything about like, oh, they did it in patients rooms or something like it sounds like there's just a bunch of horny people that all work at this place. And this one dude just rizzed out of his fucking mind.
Oh, wait, do you know about the 12-foot ladder website, Mark? The what? 12ft.io. You can put paywalled articles into it, and sometimes it will be able to get you an unpaywalled version of it. It's a 12-foot ladder to get you over that paywall.
The guy writing the article was like, this is crazy, man. I want to go work at the VA. That's wild. And no one over here is trying to have orgies to tell you that much.
Now, for how good most of Apple's default apps are, especially on iOS, there's a lot of like winners where it's like you don't even on Android. You might get a different calendar app or to do list or something. Apple stuff is by and large pretty good. Has a lot of features. The news app. Absolute letdown. And it's been the same since it launched.
I go back to it periodically just to be like, should I do this for my news? No, I should not. It's still unusable and it's still stupid. And they think you can read magazines in it for some reason. Who wants that? Anyway, I'm pro orgies at work. Just gonna throw that out there.
I think if it snowed where you are, that would be a bad sign in general for the way things are going in the world. I'll give you a point for being sick, but this will be the last week that counts. I never want to talk about it again. I feel like I've gotten my sickness out for the next decade. Let's move on with this. Okay. All right. Sounds good. Wade, you sick?
All right. Next episode's the orgy. It's agreed. All right. Next episode's the orgy. All right. I like how Mark just let me walk away from my guarantee on that last news article. I mean, I did talk.
oh yeah wait no hold on yeah what was that i could have just said nothing and let that go i'm so fascinated i think you got away with it already i mean i i talked i said things i'm pro orgy i made i took a i took a stance but you did say you had an article and i want to know what it is now
No, I said it was going to be a jumping off point and I was going to have just a fantastic topic and it would make the whole episode. I just made a very big promise about how much I was going to have to say about. I got to be honest. He delivered an article I wasn't ready for. He threw me off.
I wasn't ready for VA because there's a lot of stuff I know about the VA that that is very mixed and or negative. And I wasn't ready for orgies, which you'd think I would be ready for in this podcast.
So they asked regulators to what? Approve their budget so they could make that purchase?
I would love to see the paperwork because that sort of stuff, I'm sure there were forms or something or there, I'm sure there was a place where it was like, uh-huh, and what are these, what's this purchase weapon we're gonna be used for? And he was just like, oh, practice?
uh you guys have had three pistols in the last 10 years you need a 90 machine gun upgrade last year you approved the purchase of a uh rack that actually holds 140 of these guns and one gatling style minigun and so we have that rack in the back room and it's empty and so i'm like well we should probably if we're not going to put it to use what's the point so we should probably get some guns to put on the rack you know
Those things degrade fast. No, they really, they spoil on you. It's like avocados. You want to make sure you keep replenishing because you never know when it's going to go from ripe to, you know, to brown mush.
best guns flash frozen right after they're caught pull out your freezer bag of ak-47 we had one of our two freezers in the basement go out we had a whole batch of guns tall on us really throw off the whole cycle we need to we need to get stocked back up and we need a new freezer too oh these guns they're organic oh no pesticides here
I would love to know how much he got away with before this, though, because this is this. This to me reads like this is not the first time he did it. And this was the one where he was like, well, no one said a damn thing. I've been doing this for years at this point. No one's even ever asked me a question. Let's just raise the stakes a little bit, and then I'll make more money all at once.
Buried in the court documents is like, yeah, Mr. Wendt had been requesting 68 rifles per year for the last seven years, and regulators were like, that's about right for three police officers. But when he asked for 90 and a minigun, they were like, oh, look, I love guns as much as the next guy, but that's a lot of arms for three guys.
thousand guns found from american crime scenes were traced back to government agencies between the years of 2017 and 2021 that seems like a lot of guns that feels like a large i will say this is gonna sound like i'm making an excuse i and i'm not i do think i wonder how much of this comes from a place of knowing how government our government stuff works a
I do know that in a lot of places, in a lot of budget concerns, if they give you a budget for something, like let's say there's a federal grant or something for a police department, and they're like, okay, you could spend $25,000, and we'll give that to you, but you You have to, you know, tell us what you bought and track everything.
And then if you spend twenty two thousand dollars of that budget and you leave extra the next year, they'll be like, well, you only need twenty two thousand dollars. Right. OK, we'll just shrink that down a little bit. There's this weird pressure in governmental settings where it's like you you better not fucking go over the budget by a single penny.
But every little bit that you're under that number is also a penalty. Because we're just going to take that away and assume you don't need that money anymore. We'll just take that back. And so there's like, it's a weird game of like, what can we buy? It probably shouldn't be guns. The decision making in the what they bought is, I think, the problem. But like, I get that there's probably a lot.
That's why a lot of police departments, it's like, Well, we just bought two new cruisers last year and we barely use them, but we have this extra money. So I guess we're getting another new Ford Explorer or something, because if we don't spend it, we lose it. We might as well just have a car, I guess.
is actually illegal even in this country but they 100 take police like police officers out to lunch and are like oh here's a laser sight for your service pistol oh here's a here's some high capacity magazine you want to try these out we got a bunch of these over in the truck they absolutely anything that's technically legal they totally do that i'm sure because that happens that happens across industries and the gun industry is just a very very large industry in this country
It's like Hogwarts, you know, the gun chooses the American. A kid walks into a gun shop and there's just a crazy old guy who's just like, let's try this one. Hands it to the kid and the kid's just like... The guy's like, nope, not that one. Not that one.
The listeners. Don't just, what are we doing here? Giving up, man. Calm down.
i actually don't i france france is like uh 11th on the list guns who loves guns i feel like aussies love guns but i know that they have some actually pretty uh strict gun regulations and that they had a whole buyback program that happened with a while ago so yeah they don't have any guns in australia they're all like knives and stuff now ottoman empire the vatican city everyone
I saw a hilarious news article and I don't. Oh, it's because Australia came up. This is I don't know if this is complete grand slam, but I'm teeing it up here. Wade might have to bring it home. I saw it's actually not a news article. This is a first first source article. It was a post on social media. There was a woman who I believe is Australian, possibly British. I don't remember.
She looks kind of like Raga, the infamous Australian breakdancer from the Olympics. And she was in the process of writing and producing a musical about her story of going to the Olympics and being the breakdancer representing Australia. I think it was meant to be funny. I think it was a comedic thing. So it was not like that's potentially going to make Ray Gunn look very good.
It was making light of it, which I think a lot of people made a lot of jokes, probably pretty fairly. But anyway, this woman was working on this and it was a whole thing. And like this was like it was going to happen. She was just working on finishing it up and so that it could, you know, start to be performed.
And apparently Ray Gunn's lawyers sent a cease and desist and or potentially filed a lawsuit claiming that this musical was going to be damaging to her brand and could not be performed. And also that the dancer from Australia, Ray Gunn, I can't remember her real names, unfortunately, owns the kangaroo breakdance move.
that she did and so the woman who was making this satirical musical would be violating like trademark because that dance is wholly owned by the original dancer who did it in the olympics And so that musical apparently is no longer going to exist. There was a lot of there were a lot of comments from people in America who were like, hey, move, move it over here. Move the production to America.
We have copyright laws that allow protection in cases of parody, which is, you know, this is that exact kind of thing. It's going to be a funny parody of the story. But apparently, apparently Reagan owns the kangaroo dance. And also is afraid that that musical is going to be really damaging to her otherwise impeccable reputation.
Also, my favorite moment from the social media post that I saw the woman who posted it, it was a video when she said that they were that the music would be damaging to her reputation. She was like, she doesn't need me. I'm not I couldn't damage it any more than it is anyway. And she like moved on. But it's really it's sad and it's bullshit.
I mean, obviously, Ray Gunn doesn't want that to happen because it's funny and she doesn't want people laughing at her. But that's just how the world works. You're allowed to make jokes about funny shit. You're going to go and do breakdances that are objectively outside of the norm for how breakdancing looked by everyone else who did it at the Olympics.
And I think arguably objectively funny in that she was Australian and was clearly doing a kangaroo dance. And that's funny. How could you possibly think that people are not going to make jokes about that? How would you possibly think that you could stop them with lawyers? Aside from the fact that she successfully did because this woman has no money or ability to defend herself.
And so she's like, I'm just going to not do it because I can't afford to go to court over this or whatever. Like, what am I supposed to do?
Dude, I knew before you even said the punchline that was going to be a listener point. Because of the smile on your face.
Congratulations, Bob. If I had made as many dad jokes as Wade did, we would have just ended the episode right there, cut to black, delete it all, done forever.
That's the narrowest win to the listeners that we've had on the show yet. Hey, the Chiefs are doing it every game. Why can't I? Don't talk about Patrick Mahomes to me. Collinsworth does it enough for everybody. Oof. Mark knows what I'm talking about.
I'm excited. It feels good. I'd forgotten how good it feels to come out on top. Even though I worked hard and I earned it, it still feels good to be recognized for it, you know? I work hard every episode. You're not going to win them all, but it's rewarding when it pays off. And also, to the listeners, you almost had them. I believe in you.
That's just flailing. That's just searching for any attention they could muster.
Next time I win, I want the listeners right up underneath me in second place there so we can all look down on Wade together. Maybe the viewers will even do it someday. Maybe we'll push Wade off the podium. Wouldn't that be a world to live in?
I think you got it right the first time if you were going for the place with all the flags, not gonna lie.
honest just not like just not truthful or well no no they both know what i'm doing honest but not forthcoming no something you mentioned since this is a gaming podcast something you mentioned i'm surprised companies don't do more and i don't know the full extent but you said that they acknowledge things that they didn't do that literally the path of exile devs were like
Well, this is why we're not doing that. Sorry, guys. I don't get why more companies don't do that. Blizzard and Diablo four team is a little egotistical and they think they're they know best. But there are lots of companies who do a really good job of addressing the community.
And even the good ones will often just if they're not going to do something that a lot of the community is asking about or asking for, they'll just ignore it. And like they'll be like, we're doing this. And everyone's like, what about this thing we always ask for?
If the company, even if they just said, we're not doing that because we don't like that as a thing for our game and we're just choosing not to do that. We could, but we don't want to. We're making that choice. I feel like people would respect that. And I'm just surprised that companies still haven't learned or game devs still haven't learned
the the people shouting on your in your community would be just as happy if you told them no and told them why as if you did exactly what they thought they wanted you to do they just want to be heard and i'm just like that's not a hard lesson to learn but companies and game devs still just like ignore the parts they put blinders on they're like we answered your concerns we're doing this thing and no you didn't ask for anything else right
OK, good. Just say we don't want to do that or we can't because we don't have enough money or whatever. Like people would respect that.
is it just it's distractible still that's correct one point above oh is this a quiz episode hang on let me pull up google i'm gonna write down this answer what podcast distractible what podcast is this i'm not gonna be fooled again
Oh yeah, 100 would be kind of a lot for early access for a free game.
i like your argument mark but i think that that comes i think there's a caveat to what you're saying that i would require in order to agree with it okay all right and that would be i would happily pay 80 bucks 100 bucks maybe more depending on the game for a game if that meant i got the whole game and it was supported and like done and it's it's a
common talking point these days where people are people complain about companies just crap out something and expect to to finish it after it's released the other thing i don't care for that i think makes the pricing would make the pricing hard to bear is like my example and it's all different now but destiny 2 when destiny 2 came out i was like okay it's an expense it's a full triple a game it's like a 60 game plus it's like a hundred dollars if you want to buy the first
however many seasons of expansions or whatever, however they called it. But even if you bought the most expensive version of Destiny 2, you didn't get even everything in the first phase of life of that game. You still had to shell out for the whatever the next DLC after the ones that you got with your original pack. And I get it takes money. They make they've made a ton of content for Destiny 2.
It's become a whole other game. It's free to play now. It's a whole thing. But I have no reason to think, oh, if I spend $100 on this game, that means that'll be the full price I pay for it. It won't be. There'll be a DLC. They'll do something where it's like, well, if you want all of the content for this game, you also have to buy this.
So if it was a world where buying the game meant you owned the game, and maybe if that means they make less DLC and they move on once they're done, but I still only have to pay the first price, I'm totally into that. And I think that would be more than fair.
But it's all the combination of what happened with the prices and now all the malicious tactics the companies use to keep extracting money from players. It's like it'd be a different universe, which we are arguing it should be. But I would live in that universe happily.
It was. It was my mother-in-law's favorite video game in the world. It was very sad when they shut it down.
They probably don't follow us so they don't get the notifications. If you followed it, they'd tell you.
That sounds good. Those are good slots for car storage. That's true. Then your car can get all the sun it needs to grow and be a healthy car.
It's okay. I know you guys are going to be excited about the topic that I have ready for today. It's a thing we've talked about before. It's a thing we all know a lot about. We're getting older. No, we're going to talk about operas. Oh boy. Oh, everybody loves the opera. Yeah, Brian Regan joke, indeed. You're not the Brian Regan one. Do you know that bit?
That's the exact song where he's like, someone sings it and then he's like, Oh, he kind of likes her. Yeah, you're right. But she's not really that into him. I swear to you, I have no knowledge. But yeah, we're going to talk about operas, guys. I know how much you love operas. So we're going to play a game.
We have a couple games lined up, but this first one, we're going to play a game where I'm going to set up the plot of some of the most iconic, well-known operas in existence. And then you're going to have an opportunity to fill in the next plot point to earn points. So I'll tell you, I'll like set up a scene and be like, and then whatever.
The character does this, the character, and then, and then you just tell me what happens next. Operatic plots are notoriously simple, right? Because it's all about the drama. The story is whatever, but a lot of them are very straightforward stories. It's about the singing and the drama. So I'm sure you guys know these stories.
He kind of likes her, summarizes about 90% of all operas that exist. Anyway, mark his heads, weight his tails. We're going to take turns, so when he gets to go first, and if you happen to not know, maybe your opponent will have a chance to submit a steal. I'm sure that we're just going to breeze right through this.
I have a lot prepared, because I think we're just going to go, go, go, and everyone's going to know. Anyway... That is Tails. Oh, good. Wade gets to go first. We are going to start with everyone's favorite, Carmen. You know Carmen. I know the Hey Arnold version of it. What's that one? I can't remember that. I can never remember the name of the song, but that's a very famous song.
That's from Carmen. Everyone knows that. So I'm just going to set up, Wade, and then you tell me what happens next, okay? Yeah.
What if I told you that was exactly correct? I'd believe you. Yeah, it wasn't. Okay. Mark, what about you? You must know Carmen. You must know the famous first act of Carmen.
It's Don Jose. He's a soldier. I gave you that too.
immediately immediately immediately that actually is probably true but that's not in the opera unfortunately oh you'll laugh you'll laugh you'll remember obviously don jose was a soldier captivated by carmen who is a fiery factory worker and after a fight breaks out in the factory where carmen works Carmen gets arrested.
Don Jose, a infatuated young man, helps her escape from jail, leading to him being arrested and going away to prison for several months. And then are we doing this again? The next part? Yeah, that's act one. Also, if anyone out there is actually like an opera fan and knows these things, these are probably horrific summaries. It's a comedy show, okay? So just...
Leave your angry remarks in the subreddit and I won't go look at them. The desperation in your voice.
I meant to do this before. Oh, yeah. Okay.
You assume that they think at all. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Anyway, Act 1. Don Jose loves Carmen. Helps Carmen escape? Don Jose in jail. Act 2 opens. It's a couple months later. Are we allowed to know how many acts these plays have? Traditionally, they have three to five. This one has four. Okay.
This is just the next thing that happens. I'm just picking out plot points. I'm just going to get me in so much trouble with Mandy's parents because they're singers and they know operas. I'm a little worried about it, but it's going to be funny. Hopefully. It'll be worth it.
Two months later, Carmen and her friends are at a tavern where Don Jose has been released from prison and they're all celebrating. And then renowned bullfighter Escamillo arrives to the tavern.
I've forgotten everything you said about the actual... At a tavern two months later, Don Jose released their celebrating and renowned bullfighter Escamillo. Escamillo? What'd you say? Escamillo arrives at the tavern.
The scene where he's actually falling 1,386 feet, but he's singing his final song while he falls to the air. Crazy scene. What a moment. Just for fun, Wade, do you want to throw something out there in case Mark's wrong?
Don Jose and Esquimio, yeah. Esquimio.
You just let it buzz until it was done and you were like, ah, I hate that.
I love the dramatic flair of just an unrelated kidnapping happening.
That's probably how that usually happens. I'm going to ignore the fact that you couldn't remember the names despite repeatedly being reminded. I'll give you that. That's okay.
I'm going to leave you on your own for the rest of this, then. I'm going to tell you, you both earned points in that one, but neither of those was quite at all correct. What actually happens is they're in the tavern celebrating. Don Jose has been released. Fuck! And when Escamio comes in, Carmen is immediately drawn to him. Carmen can't take her eyes off of him. He is enthralling.
He is to Carmen as Carmen is to Don Jose. And this fills Don Jose with an unbelievable jealousy and rage. He's consumed by it, and he's now...
a deserter of the army because he got arrested and then followed carmen once he was released he's deserted his army post so he's a criminal oh i was so right i was so on there you're so close her being infatuated with bull man and the bar fight about to happen you both had her and uh escamillo uh being a thing they just hadn't been yet he was just so magnetic anyway that was it
I'm not trying. Obviously, now that Don Jose is a deserter and Carmen, I don't know, is a woman associated criminal, I guess, in this universe. They both can't have real jobs. They have to leave society. They join a band of smugglers. They're out in the mountains. They're out on their own. They're in a band of smugglers. And their relationship is strained.
And Carmen finally has had enough and tells Don Jose... That it's over. She's done with him. She is out of there. She wants Eskimio.
You with an Apple wrist, Apple watch strapped on your wrist is a weird thing. i didn't put it on i should have put it on you are the epitome of not the kind of guy who wears an apple watch thank you No, honestly, that's not even an insult. It's just you're not a techie guy. What are you going to use it for? You're going to use it to tell you how good you are at basketball or something?
Yeah, it's like Survivor, exactly.
I like that. Very operatic. Definitely earned some points. Wildly incorrect in a lot of ways, but I love the direction that you went with that. That was very interesting. Mark, what happens after Carmen tells Don Jose that they're done? She's leaving.
No, you're right. You're right. You're right. Carmen survives this scene. But you're right, and you're on exactly the right track. But obviously what happens is Carmen just leaves, and Don Jose's real sad. And then a new character, Michaela... Michaela... I don't know how to pronounce that. Sorry, everybody.
And so Don Jose decides he needs to return to her bedside, which he does. And then he's there and his mother dies and it's very sad. Did he lunge at his mother? Hands outstretched like this?
Probably. I'm just going to assume that was in there and give you a rage point. And then we're to the final conclusion of the entire opera, which has thus far been accurately summarized by at least one of us. Don Jose's mother is now dead. There is a big bullfight happening in place. And Pablo Escobar is in fact fighting bulls at this bullfight. And Carmen is there because she's with him now.
Because you were right. She ran away. She went to be with Escobar. Thank you. I think Wade said that, but you can all have credit. You got all the victims right. I got the love right. Anyway, they're at the bullfight. Don Jose goes to this bullfight because he figures they'll be there. And he was right. And Don Jose confronts Carmen and is like, you're going to get back together with me or else.
Or I don't know. What's it do?
This is an AI-generated bull, so it has hands. Just bad ones.
Alright, Wade, what happens next? Tell me.
There's a bullfight. Don Jose goes to the bullfight, confronts Carmen. Carmen and Escamillo are together, and Don Jose goes there and confronts Carmen and says, You're getting back with me!
I love how fickle your version is. I appreciate that. Very operatic. Very dramatic. I just want to say, in your attempts to complete this part of the story, both of you had the right vibe, but were wildly wrong. Okay. But one of you has already completed the story correctly, and you nailed it.
you brought it home you were just a little early because obviously when Don Jose confronts Carmen and tells her you're getting back with me she scoffs his advance and tells him no we are over and I am with Escamillo now and in a jealous unbridled rage Don Jose with his hands outstretched But one of them, clenching a knife, lunges at Carmen and stabs her to death.
And that's, yeah, you guys thought the guys would have, like, honor or be noble about it. No, these are petty, petty, fickle, dramatic characters.
No, well, it's okay. A lot of operas are actually super happy and they're definitely not all huge drags and bummers. But I do have some more of these that I wanted to get through. But I had another game that I was honestly more excited about. We're gonna move on to the next game. This one is called... That's a real opera? Right? I have summaries of operas here.
And some of them are summaries of real operas. And they really exist and were written down by human people. And some of them are not real. Some of them are complete fabrications. I feel like I wanted to warm you guys up running through at least one story. So now you know the level of drama, the level of action that operas have. Horny and angry. Pretty much.
So now I'm just going to read you a quick summary, and then you both have to pick real or not real. And you can agree. That's fine. And we can discuss. But then I'll reveal to you if it is, in fact, real or not. or not real. Starting with a true classic, this opera is called The Nose. A bureaucrat wakes up to discover his nose is missing.
The nose develops a life of its own, gets a better government job, and refuses to return to the man's face. Is that a real opera or is that some bullshit I made up? And yes, if it's a real opera, it's a fully staged opera. Multiple acts, big dramatic singing, an actor portrayed with no nose for most of the entire thing on stage.
There is a picture of giant human person-sized noses dancing in one production that was put on that actually had pictures and some video taken of it. This is a whole real thing.
That's not a lie. I just am the nice one. You would just tell that.
I don't, I haven't smooth. I got a smooth wrist apparently.
And of course, that is a real opera written by Shostakovich.
A funny fact about that, that's the first opera that guy ever wrote.
obviously not the nasal saga continues his next opera was actually called the balls and then he just kind of jumped around he had a lot of opinions about anatomy where are my testes
oh there yeah there it is wait is this it it's just a bear on the left that looks like he just got out of a pow camp and then the other the opposing page is just a black white page it just says i have seen my hat it is yeah it is terrifying that bear has been through so much shit oh my god i think that's real that did actually happen you're right you're right that's no you're in a point shit
This one is called Die Soldaten, which is The Soldier in German. A young woman's descent into social ruin is portrayed through fragmented time, military violence, and an extremely dense and unpleasant modernist score. Unpleasant is my own annotation. It includes a scene with 16 simultaneous onstage events that all happen during and over top of each other.
God, I hope it's based on Mulan. And of course, this is another real one because everybody knows what makes good opera. Soldiers. It's hard to even imagine that literally the scene with 16 things happening on stage. It's like 30 plus actors all on stage, all just having their own separate. It's so unpleasant.
i'm trying to figure out how like 16 things happen like someone's itching their nose someone's pushing a car or like 16 major no it's like they're having like interactions it's not all like major interact but they're all having they're talking or they're doing something it's like busy it's a lot that sounds horrible modernist is exactly correct i don't care very much for modernist stuff
That's old. Can't you tell? Doesn't that sound old to you?
Parts of me just cringed I didn't even know could.
All right. Real or fake? I'm going to get one of these right. This opera is called Glass Chapel in a remote mountain monastery made entirely of glass. A mute monk discovers a hidden score said to summon angels. He learns to sing through silent devotion, and the more he sings of the song, the more the chapel begins to fracture and destroy itself.
The climax is that knowing it will destroy the chapel and sacrificing his life, he finishes performance of this angelic music to summon the angels and destroys the glass chapel and kills himself.
Another. The Clockmaker of Dresden. A classic. Albrecht, a reclusive clockmaker whose inventions are said to steal time from those who hear their chimes, has a fiancée. She dies mysteriously, and he descends into madness, and he builds his...
ultimate invention which is just a giant clock that he's trying to have reverse time so he can get his fiance back but on the final 13th forbidden chime it freezes time forever oh also the clock is an automaton shaped like his fiance and as time freezes he's hugging it
And of course, the classic opera, The Clockmaker of Dresden, is just some bullshit I made up.
All right, I won't offer any hints. I will keep this simple. Also, this title is in French, I think, so I can't pronounce it.
This opera is entitled L'Enfant et les Sortiliges. Clearly you made that up. Google Translate certainly doesn't exist. Obviously it's real. Come on. This is as fake as it gets. Do you want to hear the story? Because the story will make you believe. This is my favorite story of the whole list. Actually, I like the Clockmaker one, but this one's pretty good.
Are we sticking with our locked in answers? Yeah, we're locked in. I'm doubling down. I'm locked in. wade you couldn't have done a better job because you are oh four five that is a real opera oh four five is unfair oh i don't have my coin with me you better find a coin you got any lens caps all right i got a phone i guess but i don't want to flip don't drop it
Mine is the lady in the dress is heads and the creature on the backside is tails.
No, we don't. That's not what we're doing right now. We don't have to commit to anything until we know what the outcome is. Wade called unfair on him being 0 for 5 in that game. We'll see what the coins say. Oh, shit.
Wade loses his unfair challenge. When what you challenged was that you went 0 for 5 in that game. That was unfair. So to be made... The coins have deemed that it is in fact fair. And for that to be made doubly fair... I guess means that you went 0 for 10 and Mark went 10 for 10 in the previous game now? According to metaphysics?
Oh, that's true. Okay, okay. So Mark went 4 for 5, so Mark went 8 for 10.
The coins have spoken, and that is now even more fair than it already was. Yeah. I will say, Wade, I respect it, because I think you were in a tough spot there, even with bonus points and stuff.
There's definitely... Because you could put other bands on it. There's definitely Apple Watch bands that you could wear as a choker.
On such a streak. On such a streak. I love that for you. You just really, I knew you'd be good at the opera stuff, Wade. Thank you. Anyway, there we go. And clearly we have demonstrated that we know many things about operas. In no particular order, here's what you earned points for.
Wade, you earned points for phone panic, different tailor probably, still no car, mark by big boat, unrelated kidnapping, goes to be with Escamillo, singing a lot. You know what? I'm going to give you another point for all the singing that you did. Hey! Thank you. Don't push it. Red Bear. Bruh, we're singing. Bro, where are we dropping? You earned a lot of points in that segment. Oh, hell yeah.
Despite how poorly you performed. 0 for 10. Unbelievable. Mark, you earned points for Apple Watch Choker, Drago Delivery, Don Julio, Eskimio.
killed carmen a little too soon but still point uh rage point getting the nose diesel doton glass chapel clockmaker of dresden and the infant all correct wait did you miss one of those i gave you all five of those i did i didn't miss he and i both said fake on one the second one yeah the second one whatever that was Alright, that, that, I'm taking, I'm gonna scratch that away.
You're right. Even if you have to sort of daisy chain some together, you could make it happen.
I'm gonna scratch it away. So, there we go. So that was, that was, poor, poor points keep you mighty, but I put a correction in there. So you lost that point. Um, and now, oh, you guys excited for this? I did some off, off camera work. I've upgraded our wheels.
new wheel new wheel did you add anything to it i didn't add anything to it no but i've upgraded the wheels to a new system oh this is the d3 yeah so this is the d3 this is the bonus point wheel and then this is the winner's wheel they've all been upgraded hey good work bob And they're all saved on my computer, so if the website happens to break or something, they don't just go away for eternity.
That's smart. I am going to add... I had something else written down, but this feels only fair. I'm going to add most singing. So you're saying there's a chance. Yeah, well, I'm just trying to help you out. But first, we have to do the old how many bonus points wheel. Three, three, three, three, three, three, three, three.
three bonus points oh this also shows the history which is really interesting that is handy so we're gonna do three bonus points and we do three spins of this bad boy Most callbacks.
Wade did sing before the hands outstretched bit and continued to do that the entire time.
But we did have a lot more callbacks than usual today. Wade gets most callbacks. I like that. I like that. Right, Mark? Disable this option for the next spin. And spin number two. Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball, ball. Drooled the most. I don't think I drooled at all. Maybe we call that a re-spin. I don't think there was a lot of call to drool in this episode.
All right, so Mark's going to get an apple choker, and then everyone around you will know what time it is. Hey, Mark, what time is it?
All right, re-spin. Spin number two, again.
Literally, we had several interactions where I was like, his name is Don Jose, and you would be like, alright, so, Don... I gotta give that one to not me. Alright. You could say it. You could say my name. He doesn't remember your name. And spin number three. Bald? I hope Bald comes up six times for you, Wade. Oh, no! Shortest!
Unless something crazy happened, I'm pretty sure that one goes to Mark.
Are we tied? No. I'll keep it up on screen and we'll just see if we're tied. Mark did earn four bonus points. So, Wade, I read all your points. You earned eight points, Wade. That's gotta be enough. Great job, great job, great job. Mark, you started with minus one. Ah! Minus one, but then you earned... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17. So I think 17 minus one is...
16 points. Double or nothing right now for my score. Double or nothing. If you hadn't already used the unfairness, the score wouldn't be as funny as it is, but you could try, I don't know. Anyway, Mark, you earned literally twice as many points as Wade did. Thank you. And you won today's episode with a score of 16 to 8.
Probably. You know what's funny, Wade, is even if Mark hadn't gotten four extra points for your coin flip and two bonus points, he'd still beat you. Thanks, man, for letting me know that.
Great words. Great words. Great speech. Great man. You'll be a great host next week. Thanks so much for watching and listening, but more for watching, I guess, is kind of the tone of this episode. Listeners, do you know what you did? Make sure you follow Mark and Wade and myself over on our other platforms, but most importantly, make sure you follow this show.
Hit the little check mark or whatever. You'll get notifications when the episodes come out. It's Mondays and Fridays. Always Mondays and Fridays. But somehow you still miss it. So probably follow the show so you get the damn notifications. Thank you everyone so much for being here. We'll We'll see you again in the next episode where Mark will be hosting. And until then, podcast out.
When you do an EKG or ECG or whatever on the watch, you have to touch the watch. If they just do it through your head, you don't even need to do anything. Constant ECG. EKG? Electrocardiogram? ECG?
That's probably fine. There's probably no long-term effects from that.
the silence i mean sure you have to pick the size carefully though or you really have to be good at putting it on and off at the correct times in your life elastic band they'll send you a sample set so you know your size i can't believe how expensive those uh the sizing rings are though i bought a used set off ebay
That doesn't feel necessary. I think you should go to a different suit shop if they do that at your suit shop. That doesn't feel like the way that you get fitted for a suit.
Yeah, this is good. There's a lot of writing involved with where Wade is these days.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of America's Favorite Podcast. Are we doing the bit? Are we doing it? Are we doing the bit, guys?
Mark, you go ahead. What's up with you, man?
As they are backing through the warehouse door, it's just like, oh, oh.
I think universally this is stop. They actually do that on purpose. I think though to bonk into it. Well, cause then, you know, there's no gap, right? Cause you got to roll like a pallet Jack or something across that. When you get delivery trucks have, I think they do that on purpose. I think he knew.
If you're not watching, you have no idea the kind of motion sickness you're missing out on right now.
What are you getting delivered, Wade? 500 kilograms of 3D printers?
My name is Bob. I'm going to be the host for this episode because the way the show works is one of us wins and they host the next episode. That means I won the last one. The competitors for today are Mark and Wade.
And soon the mail carrier is going to come up in the little white truck and be like...
I don't know anything about it, but our mail gets delivered by a red, normal looking Jeep. And it's the same. It's an official employee of the USPS because they're wearing the uniform. But it's just a car. We don't get a mail truck for some reason.
I don't know if that's a thing that happens anywhere else in the country or if our mail person crashed one too many mail trucks so they don't get none no more or what, but literally our mail carrier just drives a Jeep Cherokee around and delivers everyone's mail in our neighborhood. It's weird.
Oh, it's been like that since we moved here, so that's not new. But yeah, I mean, I don't know if they couldn't afford another one, or... I have no idea. I don't know, I've never seen that. Maybe we have different mail carriers. How much area do they cover? We live half an hour away from each other. You think we have the same mail delivery person, or is it... Ours has a white truck.
Oh, well maybe the truck doesn't have enough gas to get all the way over here, so they have to switch into the... Anyway...
Did you see that the Switch 2 pre-orders got largely turned off because of the Nintendo decisions?
80 bucks for a digital game 90 bucks for a physical copy of a new video game for the switch 2 and the console itself is fairly expensive which i don't know why that's surprising but people were like the switch was cheap why isn't this cheap i did see though that the physical 90 there was actually not any tangible evidence of that directly saying that that was what it was going to be so
But shock though you may be, I have an episode all planned out. I did research and writing, and I'm pretty excited about it. This is a Mandy idea, and then I took the idea and I made it slightly worse, but so it's still really good. I have to put my own spin on it and ruin it a little bit, but we'll get to that later. Before we get to that, we always do small talk. How's it going?
Oh, was that sort of an extrapolation?
Obviously, I only saw this because on Reddit, people were yelling about it.
Get him! I like that move. I want to keep that one. I'm just ready to go. People like it when you say that? Just in general. Just throw that out.
I don't know. Are you guys getting a Switch 2? We've always been a Nintendo house. Manny's a big Nintendo fan, but I'm pretty lukewarm on it right now. I don't know.
Does that include Breath of the Wild? It definitely includes Tears of the Kingdom, which was not a disappointment.
Look, I don't like Zelda games either, but those are objectively good games. I'm not saying they're bad.
No car? They finally got around to it.
It's a new month. What do you mean this month? It was a pre-order of this car. Where is this car from? Germany.
Man, you really should have bought a car a long time ago before there were 800% tariffs on everything from not here.
I feel like we called this exactly. I feel like we have known the whole time this was never going to work out.
Do you know that's actually where it's being built, though, or is it assembled in America somewhere or something?
That would have been so fun, too, because when you get... I got to do this because even though ours was used, it was at a big dealer, and they have a special room where they give you your car, and they put a big bow on it, And they're all, here's your BMW. It's very fun. You would have loved that. Yeah. It'll be here. It'll be in Germany. It will definitely be in Germany.
Oh. I think a car. Wasn't there a car that they had sex in with the stacks on the Titanic?
I forgot. I love when every Mark's idea starts with, oh no.
Alright, I'll accept it. That worked.
Which one is it? I'm going to ring it.
All for one and small fun for big ball.
fun and small ball for big fun oh no i swear he double worded i swear he double worded i did not i did it right i think yes see it's simple right you're it's simple you guys got it oh god all right bob
I came, I saw big crumbs, I conquered. This is gonna be a bunch of big and tall and small. Yep. All right, it's valid, it's valid.
I came, I saw fig crumbs, I then conquered. It works, it's smart, that's great.
Loudly, I saw fig crumbs. I then conquered fuck. Is that the end? Yep. I understand it now. Oh good. I'm glad you're in your element. I'm falling apart. All right. Okay. No, this is good
I drink sometimes a lot lowly. Therefore, I eat quick spam.
This game is throwing random bullshit. I'm just following the rules.
I'll quickly snuff! I'll quickly snuff all of you! It would have been fine if you kept going. I had to bluff before I snuff! You could have snuffed twice. I'll quickly snuff.
But every now and then you guys pick up on the little cues I give and I enjoy that.
I was like, every word, every rhyme.
You, little fucking knob, can't handle deep-fried Ruth. You, little fucking...
He turned it back to knob, so I just went with it because you didn't call him.
Wait, wait, that can't be right.
Houston, little bro, fucking, we have a big juice box Newton trace elements problem.
Fucking we have a big juice box Newton trace elements. Whatever the fuck. I don't know. Give me the L. I'll take the L. God damn it. I'm sure I fucked up. All right.
Run, fucking Forrest Gump. You run. Just head fucking everywhere.
I don't know. I'm not sure that we've been perfect on this today.
I have two words in my vocabulary.
Stop, then drop, and roll. Fuck, I hate it so much. Stop, scream, then drop, and roll. Stop, scream, then drop, and fast roll.
Stop. Big scream. Then drop. And make fast roll. Stop.
Big scary scream. Then... Slowly drop. And make big roll. Fast roll.
So they called it like this is this is Ricky Bobby from the New Orleans Saints.
Kleine Preise, große Freude. Guten Abend, verehrter Hörer, und willkommen zu Distractable. In diesem Episode... Boode Bob, der italienische Stallion, entdeckt die Cannons von Cannoli, konfrontiert Alexa und fragt seine Brüder um ihre Präferenzen. Wawa Wade packt Soda, macht es feucht, aber liebt es dick, gelegelt, gelegelt und geschäft.
Mazaran Mark konsumiert ein McTriple, hasst Horrendous Houdini, aber will es cremig. From Mr. Beast to Stuffed Wallets. It's time for Wade is Sopping. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
That's great. You Stanley steamered that thing right out of there.
That's exactly what's in my head right now. Anything but soap in the eyes. Anything. Come on, brain. Come on. What about eyes with soap in them? Shut up. Something else. That's literally what's going on over here.
Ah, here we are again. Losing with my friends. I don't know when it will ever end, but this is it. The Tristractable's over after this episode.
Give yourself points for that one, buddy. Yeah, man. Guys, I'm winning right now. Editors, make three copies of me.
You don't have to be secretive. He's not being secretive at all. He keeps holding the bag up on screen for some reason. Are you sponsored by Skyline? Yeah, are you a Skyline streamer now?
how expensive would a cross-country distractible fiber wine be oh probably in budget right we need a few more sponsors but we'll get there if you lived in cincinnati then we would just need cross a couple county lines fiber one secure yes delicious no well fiber one's tasty
Wrong. Bob? Some very small amount, like 20 parts per million or something. Wrong.
It's actually an outdated saying. It's much more, it's cooler and more modern to say you have a tungsten foot. It's very dense. As long as it's not talc.
I'm going to go ahead and guess zero, given the nature of your questions. That's correct. That's false.
Yeah, it's the Fiber One and Fiber Brownies. Is that D2 Steel you're shining in my face? Get that bullshit out of here.
Kind of like opposite Wolverine. You have the floppiest bones in existence.
You're really right about that one.
Bowling Green State University-ass Steel. Get that out of here. Are we? Is this the episode? Are we going? Is this it?
Since we're talking about lead, and since I don't know anything about the thing you're talking about, I always thought it was really fucking unhinged that water pipes were made of lead for a long time. And I didn't know until, I don't know, it was a while ago now. But at some point, I did learn they were lead pipes lined with stuff.
And that's why when they put them in, everyone wasn't just immediately getting lead poisoning. But that's also why there are so many communities in our country now that you can't drink tap water. Or if you do drink tap water, you get lead poisoning, which leads to horrific long-term effects in children and in adults.
Because it turns out when you line the thing with some other thing, the lining just wears off eventually. And so you just have your water literally flowing through pipes made of toxic metal.
Yeah, no, lead lined lead pipes. Liner never wears off. That's a true thing.
As far as I understand, it's still not fixed in Flint, Michigan, either. There are communities around the country that are in the exact same spot as Flint. Flint got a lot of news coverage. It was not. It's not like someone swooped in and fixed it. There just is lead everywhere, and it's just a huge thing that's not going away. But it's pretty wild.
I get why lead was easier to make pipes out of, because it's malleable and non-corrosive and all that stuff Wade keeps saying. Makes sense. But also, it's poison. There's this similar reason that brake pads aren't made out of asbestos.
You have no idea. You can make them at home if you make them out of asbestos. It's easy.
For me, it was Alice in Wonderland. Did you know that's why the... Oh, no, that's not lead, actually. That's mercury. That's quicksilver. Yeah, that's mercury.
If it was so bad, why did they make it so cool? If bad, why not bad-shaped lead?
I have to finish it. I have to. I open it. I have to drink it. I don't care how unpleasant it is. It's going to get drank. I got you. I got you. I got you.
You know, I heard those are flushable, because the pipes are lead, so the wipes go in the pipes pretty fine.
Hey, if we're airing subreddit grievances, I have one. Oh, alright, interesting. Apparently, I and or we said that sharks are not fish. And apparently, sharks are fish. And to the... This is literally one person, and I actually responded to their comment, and I... I feel like I got through to them, but also just to be clear, we don't know anything about the things that we're talking about.
And if you're going to get angry about us saying an incorrect fact about sharks, you should probably be careful what other episodes you listen to, because I cannot imagine the type of factual inaccuracy you're going to subject yourself to if you listen to us talk for that many hours of your life. We're not experts or even smart about most of the stuff we talk.
We know some things about some of the stuff, but not sharks and not most of the other stuff.
on the subreddit you in no uncertain terms you were like I am never going to even aim this at another living thing I do not own any of these for any purpose other than shooting paper or wood or whatever metal targets and all of the very first everyone heard Mark say the word gun and rushed to the subreddit and was like you're never going to kill someone with that Mark you gotta get a full bucket and don't worry about it
This is just another one of those theories like gravity or... Revelevity. Revelevity? Yeah, Einstein's thing, right? Oh, Revelevity. Yeah, you're right. Isn't that where you can hover off the ground when you're a magician on the street and revelate? Anyway, does that make you feel better? Do you feel better, Mark?
I'm really trying. That's a tough one. T-O-U-G-H-O-N-E. Am I allowed to reference other bits where we did a thing repeatedly to try and chuck that in here?
Ben, if only you read the whole sentence before you decided what it meant. The Earth will be destroyed? What the fuck? In the event that an asteroid larger than Texas ever struck it. Oh. They should put that first.
you're never gonna kill someone i know how to kill someone you gotta get a nine millimeter if you want to kill as many people as quickly as possible nine millimeter don't worry i'm getting tweets of like we gotta get mark in touch with a gun guy i know one you gotta get mark out to demo ranch so he could blow up some m4 able and abrams his tanks is with his uh no it's like they only heard the two first words he said and then none of the rest of the discussion but yeah it was a bunch of seagulls that heard gone gone gone
I feel like calling it the oldest anus is a little bit of a mislead. They're not that old. It's a species that's had anuses for who knows how long. Ten thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of years.
Maybe these geneticists want to come up to our butts. Is that an invite? Because this goes out publicly. We'll be careful with that.
Bald. Buttholes are like fingerprints, I think.
Go to the police station. You ink it up. Squat down onto the butthole pad.
It's a prank for the new guys. They're always like, all right, now just put your hand on the scanner and it'll open the door. He put his hand on the butthole plate.
Deep Seek, huh? What? You guys hear about Deep Seek?
Big, everyone's all up in arms about it. No, no, no. NVIDIA still is a good buy. I mean, honestly, probably. But even Deeksteak was built on NVIDIA chips.
On-ramp highway driving. Yes, cars.
Once, maybe. It probably wouldn't survive. It would need a jacket. But, like, probably you could make that happen, maybe.
Yeah, keep it warm and or cold. Full cotton jacket. Well, that's called a wad, but yeah.
I found a new scam that we can all run. Baby born in Krispy Kreme parking lot during snowstorm in Alabama receives free donuts for a year. Look at this. Babies can't eat donuts. Not newborns anyway. So I think what's going to happen is the parents are going to bring the baby in with the donut card and then the parents are going to get free donuts for a year.
So if you're looking for a way to save on Krispy Kremes, yeah.
I thought that was a whole bit we did in a previous episode about that. Us giving birth? Didn't you say that Wade and I were having a baby and I was the father or something?
You can play the intro again. I'll take my headphones off. Hold on. Yeah, so please give us a countdown.
It was a little quieter, which is still pretty loud. It's like the pop. Yeah, that was fine.
Listen, you focused on the thing that you cared the most about, and I respect it.
They might. I don't know how that works. You don't know how sex works? Not rat sex. I'm familiar with one kind.
You have sex with the stork baby? Yep.
All right. Anyway, Bob, what do you got? Well, actually, this headline sucks, but the story is interesting. Robbery foiled by location choice. So this is a classic, like Craigslist, Facebook marketplace robbery. Someone found an item they wanted online in one of these sort of marketplaces and was like, they arranged a meetup.
The person who is going to buy the item was just planning on snatching it and getting the hell out of there. And so they agreed on a place to meet for safety, for the seller's safety. Didn't help. Robber was too smart. What location do you think this transaction took place? What's the safest place that you could do a Craigslist deal?
That chain will live on. Mark's not guess was correct. They agreed to meet inside a police station. The buyer showed up. The seller was there. The seller put the thing out and was like, look, give me the money. And the buyer was like, nope, and snatched it and ran away. And the officers are still looking for the suspect. Oh, fuck.
Actually just pisses them off and triggers an adrenaline response, which makes them even harder to deal with.
this one there's not anything for you guys to guess i just really like this headline national plumbing champion trip drama wisconsin plumber tim quick clinched a spot in florida's plumbing national championship competing in pipe threading and drain clearing events no word on whether he wore his tool belt to the after party well that's just a not very funny joke anyway did you guys know that there were plumbing national championships
And would you watch that if it was on ESPN?
Yeah, I think it's probably just like clock. They clock the pipe with like some. It's probably relatively standard. Like there's it's some set amount of paper towels or something.
Not in California. That's why it's in Florida. They're still allowed to use lead-based poop there.
Yeah. It's not like there's a bunch of ash or smoke or anything around you where you're at.
You did that on purpose. Yeah, you can tell by the fact that he wrote it down. The fact that he wrote it down? The fact that he wrote it down, you can tell. Ian's coming up the house?
Air quality is still gotta be kind of bad though. Right. I mean, it's not terrible.
yes i would yeah oh you i bet you i bet you'd enjoy that it was 10 last time i think we're up to 12 now yeah someone in the subreddit was saying they thought it was higher but yeah it should be 12 now based on my math it probably should be higher but we don't keep track of things do you want me to just i have the one from that i had before do you want me to just do it sure yeah that way i'm not biased or anything
There you go. You can see the percentages over here.
No, that doesn't look right. Well, Mark, clearly Mark has to be red. Oh, wait, no. Mark, no. Wait. Wade. Wait, I was going to say, I have no chance of winning. If the winner is either me or Mark, Wade can't win. I didn't even think about it. I was like, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, nobody look at how badly I'm typing. All right. You just really don't want me on this wheel. Oh, look at that.
Look at those colors. Ooh, I don't like that very much. What about that? Oh, that's worse. Oh, it's worse. I don't like any of it. It's just going to be white, white. That's fine. That's fine, right? That looks like a clown horn. You ready, Mark? Yep. Woo-hoo!
Well, we have to write a one man show for Mark, which presents its own interesting dilemmas. But is it a full is it like a full hour long episode? We didn't really talk about the details.
We didn't think of a way to resolve that either. We just have the one-man show in as a bit.
Well, I was going to say, what if we did another Council of Distract? Now that this has happened, what if we do another Council episode? We've got the one-man show. Then we do a Council episode.
Didn't we do it like... We did the boat episode in August?
Yeah, that's about the right time. All right, we'll do a Council episode. We can look up the official distractible constitution document by finding someone on the subreddit who wrote it down for us because we didn't. And then we could just have a, you know, sort of a review session and prepare ourselves to enjoy Mark's one man show.
Annual. Just annual. Yeah. Just single annual. We will vote what the name is in the council. That's the first order of business. Yeah. Name the meeting that we're having.
I'm intrigued about this drink, but man, that's tarter than just a lemon is. Jesus Christ.
I didn't say that. I did show it on camera. Blur it out. No aspersions. If it works, I'm into it, but...
No, yeah, it's like cigarettes or something, right? Like it doesn't, they don't taste good. But once you get past the first part and you get into the caffeine, you're like, oh God, oh, it's delicious. I need the Red Bull. It burns so good. The burning means it's working.
Good. I saw a funny goose today. Not a silly goose, but a funny goose. I, it was, it's really not even that good of a story. It just was such a weird little moment. I was in the car driving and I was just next, I was like in a parking lot waiting to turn onto the main road.
So I'm just sitting there and next to the driveway, there's a little, it's a puddle cause it's been snow melting and there's not even a pond. It's like several inches of water and there's a goose sitting next to it. And I just look over cause I'm like bored and the goose out of nowhere just goes. And submerges his entire head halfway up his neck in the water.
And for a second, it's just like, and then just lifts his head back up and is like, ah, nothing happened. There are not fish in that puddle of water that is on the media. Just, I don't know if that's a normal goose thing or whatever, but I just saw that happen. And I was just like, Fucking, is this an, did anyone else see that? What the fuck?
I pretty much assume that if you're somewhere where you're on a voice call and it's being transmitted, there's no reason to think that that's not being watched if someone really wanted to. Like, I know there are end-to-end encrypted services, which, besides Super, is not, as far as I know. But even then, it's all managed by someone.
I've been thinking about that goose all day. Can't get him out of my head. No idea if that's normal goose stuff or what. It's weird. I mean, it's probably normal.
Geeses. He flied for our sins. South.
Someone, some greasy code monkey somewhere has a computer where they could just pull it up if they so chose.
Uh, I don't know things about wood. Sorry.
So let me get this straight. Your grandpa gave you a knife that was designed for carving wood away. And then he gave you some wood. And then you used the knife to carve wood off of the wood.
Was it a whetstone? Was it a honing steel? Because that's not a sharpener. What kind of thing was it?
That's called a honing steel. I honed in on it.
Is it named after a guy? Mr. Hardener?
Anyway, you can get into knives. It's a thing. Well, that's the thing about knives, right? People think, well, I don't know if people think this. I thought for a long time, like, oh, why would you pay $200 or $500 for a kitchen knife when you could just get one for 50 bucks that seems to work pretty well? And yes, you can sharpen cheap steel to like a razor's edge.
You can sharpen it to within whatever you want, depending on how patient you are. But the more expensive knives, the thing is that they hold that edge better than They have different characteristics about the steel. It's like a very voodoo mystery magic kind of thing to me.
I know it's not because it's science, but all the different kinds of steel, like you were saying, when you bought your D2 steel knife, you were like, I don't, I don't know. I want a metal one. It's a whole world. And yeah,
And they have like white, white blades or something. White ceramic.
I feel like you know that the truth is not that it's not whether or not you have a car. It's all of the lies that you've told about having a car when you haven't had a car or about getting a car when you clearly have not been getting a car.
That's just a sucker not having a car. That's not a thing to be proud of. They took your money and gave you nothing. I have a little tracking bar that shows that my car is ordered. As a person who spends a lot of time on BMW forums, I can tell you that doesn't mean as much as you might hope in BMW land.
Man, do I see a lot of people being like, we ordered our car in June and it said it was on a truck and now it says it doesn't exist. What happened? Man. And all the BMW owners are like, yeah, they do that. No, no, this will be different for me.
You're not giving yourself points for still not having a car, are you? No, if I was going to have to give it to Molly for getting her car, but... Yeah, great job, Molly. She had a car way faster than you did. She didn't even have a gap where she didn't have a car. She went from having a car to having a new car. I've never owned two cars at the same time.
Editors, make it look like it was yesterday.
so that was that was my life a hazy gray maybe snow and that's how 1993 were don't laugh at my life okay december 8th 1993 my family is living in the residence inn in dublin ohio we're in the process of moving from michigan to ohio to the place where i would grow up for most of the rest of all of the rest of my childhood All I know is every day, dad and I wake up, mom's already at work.
Dad and I go down to the breakfast bar at the residence end, which is like a long-term hotel. We get microwave sausage biscuits. They come in a little two pack. It was the thing that you get to pop in the microwave. We take them back up to our room. We eat those and we pretty much just hang out the whole day. That's the whole thing. Waiting, just waiting for something to happen.
I don't think dad did, was doing much of anything. I'm sure he wasn't like trying to find a house or doing any adult stuff. We're just hanging out, eating sausage biscuits and hanging out.
Well, Mark, you might've had them. You just couldn't see them yet. Oh, also, I couldn't see. I was with Mark. I didn't get my glasses until the following year because I got my glasses in preschool because I actually started preschool the next year because my birthday is in the middle of October. So they didn't let me go to regular school. So I had to go to preschool.
I was an early bloomer. Preschool, I was trying to read the Berenstain Bear books and they were like,
I think we learned how to code in C++ in my high school computer science class.
Okay, it's June 26, 1997. In two days, Markiplier turns eight. That's true.
That must be what was happening. I don't know what I'm in like fourth grade at this point. Yeah, I think so. This is a weird thing that's coming back to me, but I'm pretty sure this was fourth grade. We used to go outside for recess and part of our school's recess, there was like the jungle gyms and whatever.
And there was a soccer field and they had the big like competitive size soccer goals because it was this was they would in the evenings, the like rec league would play games at our school. It was like a real soccer field. And so we had these big goals. And on that particular day, I'm pretty sure it was real windy.
And we were outside just running around, kind of playing soccer, kind of just kicking the ball at each other. And there was this girl and she was kind of playing around in the goal, not paying attention. And she'd like climbed up.
and was goofing around, and the huge gust of wind came and actually blew the frame of the goal over, and the top bar of the, because she had climbed up, she fell with it, and the top bar of the goal fell down directly across her face. And she had just the craziest, she was fine ultimately, but it like broke some of the orbital bone around her because of the way she landed.
She had just like the biggest, craziest swelling called an ambulance.
It hurt, and she had some recovery after that. She's totally fine. I knew she graduated high school. I don't know what happened after high school, but she had no serious, long-lasting things. But that was some of the craziest shit I'd ever seen. Because I saw it happen, and then I saw her laying there, and I saw her face just start to go... And it was like... Oh, no.
But she was okay after a while and some recovery. But that's like burned into my memory. That was some crazy shit. I'm still kind of scared of soccer goals just because I'm like, is it pegged into the ground? If it falls over, I swear to God.
Mark actually grew up in a Brian Regan joke. I forgot.
You walk out at the end of the school day, Bill Clinton's leaned up against the limo playing saxophone waiting for you.
Yeah, I would have guessed like five years after that. Just when I got into reading those books was more like middle school age. And it was three, four, five years, somewhere in there.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I feel like that's close. I think the only thing is it might have happened the year before that.
okay that's not the event i had in mind but that was very close uh bob do you know what happened on june 26 2003 that is when pierce brosnan starred in his final james bond film never don't say never die again
Don't you wouldn't not never say never to Pierce Bond. And everybody liked it, and especially the scene where for some reason he's parasurfing on a giant wave caused by I don't remember what, but that is as tall as a six-story building somehow because of physics.
Alyssa, I actually do a lot of sports. I just very specifically don't know a single fucking thing about NBA anything.
I generally remember like what my middle school looked like. And I was in, I was hardcore in the nerd group with my Palm pilot and my, you know, what you call it. But actually I think that was the summer before my last year of middle school. Oh no, that would have been the summer, the first summer of high school. I mean, it doesn't matter. I didn't all about the same.
I would have been in football two days more than likely at that point in the summer.
You would like buy a pack and get a get random ones. And they had like they had like different types of plastic. Some of them were like glittery. And I think they were called Go-Go's. I don't remember that at all. It's all I got. But I do have a date for you, Bob. Go-Go's Crazy Bones. That's what they were called. Crazy Bones. Go-Go's Crazy Bones. I just called.
Is that when Barney the Dinosaur Macy's Day balloon escaped and wreaked havoc in downtown New York City and terrified and traumatized children everywhere?
That was a thing that happened, but it was... My only other guess, which is wrong, is that's not the release date of the Xbox 360, is it? I think the Xbox 360 released in the spring of the following year, potentially.
I was still on the football team, so I was still probably doing football practice. Mainly what I was worried about was football. That actually might have been... That was right around the time where I ruined my shoulder and actually probably made the decision to quit football. But up to that point, up to that season, I had played football since I was like, ooh...
10 years old or something and was pretty like, I wanted to go play football in college and I wanted to be a starting center. And, but then in practice, I like messed up. I fell on my arm real weird and tore some stuff on the front of my right shoulder. And, and then I spent the rest of that season not playing on the JV team and decided to quit football forever.
So that was the main thing that was happening for me back then. I considered having surgery. I never actually had surgery. My shoulder, uh,
just sort of healed up over time because it wasn't that serious of an injury but probably the best thing that's ever happened to me the guys on the football team were not good people to me they did not treat me nicely i had that experience with my basketball team dick weeds so i quit football and started doing marching band and that's where i met all of my friends any friends i still have from high school today were all in band and none of them were on the football team so that was a big turning point for me but i think it was a positive one
If I'm honest, I didn't play WoW until I lived with Mark freshman year of college, so that had almost no impact on me whatsoever.
We need to migrate this wheel into a more official context, because I think this one caps out at 25 inputs.
Yeah, I will say, I saw people talking on their subreddit, and they were like, they should delete one every time they add one, because then you won't have repeats. That's not the point. The point is, by the end of this season, this wheel is going to have like a hundred fucking things on it, and it's going to be amazing.
oh okay most callback we that's the one you just added no have we ever had that happen i feel like that has happened with like the newest one being no we kept getting listener and viewer points but we actually don't we have we've maybe one other time i think had had the new one get picked but
Yeah. I mean, it was made for your gray, so yeah. All right.
I mean, I was fairly distracted, but I try to keep it chill, because I make a lot of noise sometimes. So I have multiple fidget spinners that I've been fidgeting with and things. And how many new webpages did I open? I opened about six new webpages. Three of them are unrelated things I googled. One of them is about GoldenEye64.
Yeah, well, that's the thing is I wasn't I wasn't Googling things about the episode. We were just talking and then I'd be like, huh, when did the GameCube release? And then I just Googled that.
And then I looked into the GameCube, and I was like, oh, I missed TimeSplitters, so then I pulled up some stuff about the TimeSplitters series, because those are good games. And then that led me to, oh, you know what I miss more than that? It was Perfect Dark Zero. That was a good one. And then I started, and that connected back to Goldeneye.
And I was also Googling stuff about the Mayan calendar after we talked about that.
As a person with aphantasia, I feel like this episode was relatively targeted against me. Mark got to rely on his very vivid visual memories, and that's why he had so many colors in what he was talking about. And I did my best, but when you're at such a disadvantage, and it's really outside my control...
how my mind works, uh, you know, it's hard to, it's hard to keep your head in the game, but I did what I could, and I only lost by one. So, it's as bad as losing by a hundred. So, go me.
I don't have a specific example, but I too have a small business owner and running into that sort of enterprise shit is always exhausting. They assume like no matter what it is, if it's some big company like this that you're working with, They have it set up and they're like, oh, well, send this to your accounting department and you need a lawyer to sign off on this.
And it's set up so that you have like a multi-billion dollar corporation. And it's like, I'm one guy. I'm not interested in any of this. I would like to buy one thing from your company, please. And like, I get that there, that's not where their money comes from.
So they tailor the business, the enterprise stuff to, you know, the companies that are going to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars with them or whatever, but it's fucking awful. The experience of that is so awful and it's consistent. Any company that has enterprise stuff, it's probably just like that and it doesn't work right.
And they expect that you have like employees and employees and they're going to, it's a very first world problem, but it does always surprises me.
Oh yeah, you hit him with the, I didn't even notice because that's how you enter the room every single time. Old YouTube intro, which I still technically use.
It is crazy. You can like accidentally buy shit in one click on the Apple store. If you do things wrong, or if you're like on your phone or something,
sounds fun bob what's your apocalyptic end of the world uh life news oh i i know what i did since last time i accidentally bought a miter saw that you cut mites yeah uh miter saw is you know that saw where it sits on a workbench and you put a piece of wood on it and you go and it like chops it in half that's what that's called a miter saw because when you cut things on an angle that's called mitering and so a miter saw can cut on an angle like this away or you can turn it like this away
it's a whole thing anyway i have a new hobby whenever i get into a new thing like like i've been into woodworking stuff I always just, like, start skulking around on Facebook Marketplace. One, because, like, when you get into a new hobby, you need things. But also, I really like to get a sense of, like, that part of the hobby.
I feel like you can learn a lot about a hobby based on, like, what sort of prices are you stuff going for? What does everyone sell on Facebook Marketplace? Which is a sign, like, maybe I don't actually need one of those. Everyone buys this one tool and then sells it and is like, barely used it. Like new. Like, well, I just won't. I'll skip that.
But so part of that is I just like egregiously lowballing people on things just to see. And all of them ever have either just ignored me or been like, no, like five bucks less than what I listed it for. And I'd be like, nah, nevermind. But I, I sent this guy a message. He had the miter saw listed and it was like missing one piece, but it was basically fully functional.
And I sent him a message and I was literally like 30% of what he had it listed for. I think I said like, I'll give you 40 bucks for it. And a miter saw like a new one from the store is like a hundred, 200, 500 bucks. Like they're inexpensive tool. And he replied and was like 50. Well, well, I wasn't really planning on this happening, but how am I not going to buy a $200 miter saw for 50 bucks?
I was planning on getting one of those. So, uh, yeah. So literally like he messaged back and I was like, okay, so I have to. And I literally looked at Manny and I was like, I just accidentally bought a saw, so I'm going to go pick that up, I guess. So I'll be back. Did you get the missing piece? You don't need it.
It's got an upper fence piece that's missing, which can be important, but for 90% of what I'm going to do with it, I don't even need it.
ah good one and i'm gonna walk away now building woodworking shit like building things out of wood is filled with so much of that or i'll look at a thing and i'm like i need it i need the final width of this thing to be whatever 24 inches but each of the pieces of plywood i'm using is three quarters of an inch thick and blah and this and you and i like a woodworking person will look at that and be like okay so i need to cut it to this and i look that and i'm like
well like it's the meme of like math flying through the air and i'm like oh fuck what's 24 minus three quarters uh eight shit no way i get my phone calculator like man it's not that hard is it it's just i'm stupid
So you're saying I need an abacus for the garage?
Is it in your garage or driveway? Or how got is it?
All right, Bob, do you think it's real or fake?
Oh, God. Yes. Points, please. These are all in the U.S. and you guessed ancient Greece and Russia. That doesn't mean you're doing great.
Technically, I guess Mark's the closest by guessing in our hearts.
But I guess Bob's closest because he's somehow still in the USA.
He can go on the journey. He's just not going to get poised for being in Russia.
I remember the Wizard of Oz sequel with the depressedly lion. Put it down. Put it down.
Do I get a second one? Sure. It'd be really bad to bring your kid to work when you work as a jungle gym equipment safety tester.
If I'm answering completely honestly, it'd probably be like, Whoa, stop!
Dominate demon-infested battlefields with devastating weapons, soar on a mecha dragon, and witness the creation of a legend as the Slayer takes on Hell itself.
No, to be caught. No, he's right. To be caught naked. That's exactly right. That's the correct answer.
You know what it is? It's because of the shape of the bags, the delivery bags that pizzas are delivered in.
But the companies make square bags. So what are you going to do? Can't put a round box in a square bag. That's like putting a round pizza in a square box.
I would be fine on the written part, and I would be fine on the driving part, but they would... give me so much shit for how bad my vision is.
I'm going to need to give you a field vision test. Look into this and blow. I mean, just look into this.
Oh, yeah. I was like, did you not want to talk about that?
Are we the snakes? No, it's not a metaphor. It's just to make it sound more exciting. It's to bring in a different audience. If people who know who I am know that it's my autobiography anyway, the title doesn't really matter to them. But if someone sees that it's an autobiography called Memoirs of a Snake Wrangler, they might, like if they're at the airport or something, they might just be like,
It would have to be a kick in the nuts. What are you saying?
You didn't say it would have to be a thing that I would buy.
You're the only two people I know who like Long John Silver's.
I mean, they're still open some places, so someone goes there sometimes, but literally every Long John Silver I ever see is empty. The middle of Lunch Rush, empty.
If I asked among friends and family, if I was ever like, hey, you guys want Long John Silvers?
When we do this to each other, it's always a thing where a bunch of other people are going to be like, hey, wait a minute, I like that. I can't wait to see the crickets downs on the subreddit of all six people who are going to be like, I mean, Long John Silver's is okay. I haven't been there a couple years, but it's fine.
I would go to a fast food place if I needed a bathroom and I knew they all had really good bathrooms, even if I didn't care for it.
I actually put my standing desk over a hot tub. He's right. Can't see it, but yeah.
Oh, that's right. I do that. Oh, mystical wheel. Please give us some points.
So, yeah, bear. Also, I'm not entirely surprised, but I'm like the tiniest bit surprised that you don't just happen to own that bear defense outfit that we've talked about multiple times that that dude spent his whole life inventing and refining so that you could withstand an attack from a grizzly bear.
I think if there's anything we've learned over our years of doing this show, it's that coins don't lie. Coins know the truth. Coins are the ultimate fairness. Coins can't even be unfair because they're just coins. They have no will of their own. They just tell you what is or is not. I feel very vindicated that the coins confirmed how fair this episode was.
No matter how much shit I talk about Long John Silver's, I just can't lose a point if I try.
I was trying to come with you, I just didn't... That was a big... There was a big step in there.
I don't know where the fuck it went. It's like gone forever.
They made the game. I don't think they made the television show.
Like when Wade's house was flooding and falling to pieces all around him, and you showed up just when he needed you to so you could film it and exploit it for views on the internet? No.
It doesn't seem like there's enough plugs on that thing to serve 2,000. I'm not gonna lie. Splitters. You get splitters. You do get splitters. I know what those are. You got 16 plugs.
Oh, they buy their own equipment. That's actually rolled into the price, the monthly. I'll plug that to that. They buy the equipment and then they lease it from us and then they have to return it to us when they cancel their service. But they can't cancel their service until 24 months, so there's not really any danger of that happening.
I thought you were going to say, if there is a next episode. I was like, oh my god, the stakes have never been higher.
I still get emails and phone calls from the last two companies that I got internet from. One of which is in California and the other of which is in North Carolina. A state I haven't lived in since 2018. And they still will just be like, hey, did you ever return... Das Router? Ich bin so, ja, ich habe es in deinem Store genommen und es einem Teenager an den Konto gegeben. Lass mich guess.
Sie haben es nicht richtig eingeschaltet. Jesus Christus, dein 45-Dollar-Router, der nie funktioniert, ist es wert, all diese Telefonrufe? Nicht, als hättest du uns gute Hardware gegeben. Dummer Junge. Ansonsten bin ich nicht wütend über es. Es ist okay. Jemanden zu Hause, du kannst dein eigenes Modem kaufen.
Du sollst einen Motorola Surfboard Modem kaufen und einen von ihnen bekommen. Welchen Art von Router, außer dem, was sie dir geben, ist wahrscheinlich besser.
My favorite is in the last service we had set up in California, the company required a technician to come out, which they required you to also pay the fee for, for having a technician. But they wouldn't let me just plug my stuff in and then turn it on on their end, because... They could do that, but they would not allow that. So a guy came out to the house and he's like, where's the stuff?
And I took him in and he's like, oh, this is all. Oh, yeah, this looks right. And he got a little iPad out and three buttons on his iPad and turned our Internet on. And I paid $80 for the privilege of talking to Daryl for eight minutes.
80? Es ist ein schlechtes Zeichen, wenn Kabel-Techniker irgendwie noch weniger ein Verrückter fühlen, als Verrückter-Roofing-Männer, die zu deinem Haus kommen werden, dein Ruf inspektieren und dir erzählen, dass du einen neuen Ruf brauchst, obwohl der Ruf auf deinem Haus drei Jahre alt ist. Irgendwie vertraue ich ihnen mehr, als ich der Kabelfirma vertraue. Was, wenn dein Ruf 30 Jahre alt ist?
That's the end. I mean, that seems like the only reasonable thing to do, really.
Das ist ziemlich alt. Weißt du was? Ich wette, ich kenne einen Mann, der dir einen neuen Ruf geben könnte, dir einen wirklich guten Deal darauf geben würde.
how old is good roof bad 30 is about the maximum age for a roof most roofs are rated to last like 20 to 30 years depending on like the type of material and everything but that's it sounds like you might be due for another fun expense on your house soon yay houses yay I don't want any more updates can we move on yeah alright we can move on I'm sad now
So dreckig. War weiß oder blau der Stafford Gambit? I was unclear. I guess black was from our perspective, so we were the ones. Yeah, yeah. I see, I see.
Bob, was hast du? Also, das ist ein Genre, das ich wirklich, wirklich mag und verliere, obwohl es nicht mehr eine Sache ist, mit der ich mich wahrscheinlich mehr auseinandersetzen muss. Aber ich mag die Art und Weise, wie Unternehmen in den 80er und 90er Jahren Arbeitstrainingen gemacht haben. There are any number of very unhinged videos that you can find.
Anyway, that's it. It could go on forever. And there are tons and tons and tons of these.
Sie sind alle gut. Es ist nicht etwas, was ich jemals gelernt habe, was unfreundlich ist. Ich fühle mich, dass Leute sehr positiv darauf reagieren würden, wenn du deinen Job startest, wo auch immer, Target, irgendein Restaurant, was auch immer. Und sie waren so, okay, wir werden die Trainingsvideos jetzt schauen. Und dann hat sich etwas wie das angefangen. Ich fühle mich, dass die Leute dazu sind.
Ich fühle mich, dass das ein bisschen, ich fühle mich, dass das ein breiter Spot ist.
Die Videos waren hart, aber der Kerl, der meine Drehschule lehrte, war ein Legend. Ich erinnere mich noch an das Zimmer. Er hatte ein paar verpackte Tiere und jeder war für einen anderen Grund.
Und jedes Mal, wenn wir... Und das, was ich am meisten erinnere, war, wenn du einen Vier-Weg-Stopp hast, was du tun musst, ist, dass du an der Linie stoppst, und dann steckst du deinen Kopf raus und wirst ein Turtel. Und er hatte einen kleinen, verpackten Tier-Turtel. Und er war einfach so, Turtel, schau nach links. Turtel, schau nach rechts. Turtel.
Und er hatte, wie literally, er hatte einen ganzen Kasten Charaktere. Jeder war eine andere Aktion in einer anderen... Es war sehr effektiv. Auch alle dachten, dass er völlig verrückt war, weil er wie ein wirklich älterer Kerl war. Er war wie ein verheirateter Kerl, der das gemacht hat, weil er es klar genossen hat. Und alle Kinder, die in ihrem Lernen waren, waren immer einfach so.
I thought it was fucking great. Absolute legend. I don't remember his name. I remember it was this little, not very well ventilated, musty room in a little thing in downtown Dublin. And that dude would just have his stuffed animals up at the front and we would go through scenarios and he would go through and he would turtle and there was a bunny and there was a cow for some reason.
I don't remember what the cow did. Something about the udders. I don't recall. My classic udders driving dilemma. You keep your hands at ten and two and then milk it. Milk it. Milk the wheel. Does he think he's teaching six-year-olds to drive? I don't know. It worked, man. It worked on me. Every time I stop at a four-way stop, I still go turtle.
I'm just a bill, just a little bill, sitting on Capitol Hill.
What, are you just going to claim all of Bill Nye? I was looking for specific Bill Nye bits.
I was trying to find a specific bit that he does. It's kind of a whole episode and it's kind of a segment in the episode, but there's an episode on static electricity. And specifically, there's a segment where he has a balloon and then he has a piece of aluminum foil suspended inside a glass jar. So it's like there's no wind or anything.
And then he rubs the balloon to get a little static charge in it. and then uses that to like move the foil in the jar. I remember at the age that I watched that, I understood like that if you rub, you know, you could static electricity, you could static shock. I sort of, but I remember seeing that specifically and just being like, oh, Wait a minute. Wait. Electricity. Wait. Field. Oh, hang on.
And there was like that specific demonstration. I generally enjoyed Bill Nye videos in school and stuff. But that specific demonstration, I remember I saw it and something in my brain was like, oh, wait. It was like the perfect like something clicked in place edutainment moment. Ich glaube, es gibt viel von dem mit Bill Nye, aber ich habe es einfach nicht gefunden, den perfekten.
Ich weiß nicht, ob das... Das ist nicht das spannendste, was sie je gemacht haben, aber das hat mich wirklich gefreut.
I think TED Talks are a decent category for that, but I see what you're saying. Also TED-Talks für mich, das ist eine Lüge aus einem Kindermovie, aber es ist wirklich der perfekte Abschluss für mich. Es ist in der Wreck-it-Ralph 2, Ralph Breaks the Internet oder was auch immer es heißt.
Es gibt einen Charakter an einem Punkt und es gibt einen Mann, der sagt, ich habe dieses TED-Talk gesehen und ich erinnere mich nicht daran, was der Mann gesagt hat, aber es hat mich gut gefühlt. Und ich denke, der Punkt war etwas wie, ich respektiere deine Reise. Und so fühle ich mich bei den meisten TED-Talks, die ich schaue.
Ich schaue es und während ich es schaue, bin ich so, oh, oh, interessant. Und dann kommt es zum Ende und ich bin so, was ist das für ein Scheiß? Ich weiß nicht. Ich habe es genossen, glaube ich. Ich respektiere deinen Weg, Mann.
I have one that's really more of a person. I have a positive and a negative and they're two different people. So I want to cover this. I feel like this is good. All right. legend of edutainment legend of conservation and ecological advocacy steve erwin the crocodile hunter i think there are still debates about if what he did was too disruptive and whatever i feel like
His heart was in exactly the right place. And I don't know enough about the ecology or the whatever, the animals to know if he was really fucking them up or if it was fine. But like his show in terms of awareness of creatures and and teaching, but being very entertaining, top notch. Ich liebe Crocodile Hunter. Ein sehr guter Kombi von Erfüllung.
Kann ich nur sagen, dass es einen modernen Riff dazu gibt, der in der Großen und Ganzen von einem Mann entworfen ist, der namens Coyote Peterson genannt wird, der auf einem YouTube-Kanal, wo ich ihn gesehen habe, auf dem YouTube-Kanal Brave Wilderness, wo es eine ähnliche Vibe gibt. Er ist wie der Outdoorsy-Mann. Er liebt alle Kreaturen.
Aber eines der Dinge, die er viel tut, ist, dass er sich wirklich verpissert von Tieren. Es gibt Videos, in denen es so geht, ich werde von der weltweit mächtigsten, schmerzhaften, schmerzhaften Sache getötet. Oder ich werde von einem Zauber getötet oder was auch immer. Ich mag das nicht. Ich glaube nicht, dass das eine gute Version der Krokodil-Hunter-Schule von Edutainment ist.
I hate those videos. They make me squirm and I hate it. And it makes me not interested in the creatures of the wilderness very much. As opposed to Steve Irwin, who made me feel like I wanted to explore and meet, you know, see all these beautiful creatures. It's a bad, it's a bad version.
I think that's... Steve Irwin, absolute legend.
General PSA, at least if you live in America, what you want to do is call your local animal control if you have an animal that you feel like really needs help. I'm not saying this to you, Mark, because I think that poor chipmunk was fairly well on the way out the door and I doubt animal control would have gotten it.
But if you have an animal that's not on death's door, that you feel like will survive, but you have no idea what to do for it, Animal Control will totally get your back. They will come help you out. And they generally know how to deal with lots of stuff. It's kind of their thing.
I mean, I would not have guessed that as a kid either.
Wenn die Lösung ist, dass du andere Monitore hast, dann verdienst du mehr Punkte, als er dir gegeben hat.
We're getting down to the wire, so if you want to shout out... I have a video game, actually I have a couple video games, but edutainment games were big business when we were kids. And I have one from my childhood, but also possibly Mandy's favorite game that's ever existed that I feel like I have to throw in here. Mine would be, well, one, Storybook Weaver.
Did you guys ever play with Storybook Weaver? Storybook Weaver, I don't know. It's almost like a mod on MS Paint, but the whole thing is it has a bunch of backgrounds and clip art and you can make a storybook. You can design the scene and you can have pages so you can design a whole story and then you just write lines. Du schreibst die Geschichte darunter.
Ich habe das nur für Stunden gespielt, nur um zu sagen, wow, was kann ich machen? Und dann, was ist die Geschichte mit diesem? Interessant, aber es ist kein Spiel. Es gibt kein Ziel. Es ist nur eine kreative Sandbox von schreib dein eigenes Buch.
Ah, dude, Storybook Weaver was what's up. Also, my next favorite childhood game, very edutainment, Math Blaster. Of course. Oh my god. Ich liebe das Scheiß. Ich kann nicht genug bekommen. Und dann Mandy's Game, das ist ein bisschen wie ein Logik- und Puzzle-Game, das viele Kryptographie-Games hatte und Logik-basierte Sachen. Es heißt The Logical Journey of the Zoombinis.
Ich nenne es einfach Zoombinis. It's like a little kids puzzle game, but it has very cute characters. Amy talks about Zumbinis.
I did not play this when I was a kid, but I have played it as an adult because Mandy showed it to me and we played it. It's a great game. It's super fun. I think I probably would have been too stupid for it as a kid because I was not good at this sort of puzzling, problem solving stuff.
But it's a great game and it's got some very like it has lines that Mandy and I still just like say to each other. Einer davon ist, dass es ein Spiel ist, in dem man drei Bäume baut und jeder will eine Pizza. Aber jeder will verschiedene Toppings und wird nicht bestimmte Toppings essen. Man muss also die richtige Kombination finden.
Und jeder von ihnen, jedes Mal, wenn man ihnen etwas gibt, was sie nicht wollen, sagen sie, da ist etwas drin, das ich nicht mag. Und so wie die beliebteste Anwendung in deinem Gehirn. Ist das, wo der Typ sagt, mach mir eine Pizza.
Whenever we order pizza, pretty much, man, I say that to each other.
I have one I was curious for your verdict on, if it counts or not. The Darwin Awards. My dad thought those were very funny. And so I read some and listened to, they had like audiobook versions where they told the stories and stuff.
Es ist nicht wirklich beruflich, aber ich denke, der Punkt der Darwin Awards ist, dass es für jemanden, der es nicht kennt, es sind Werte, die an Menschen gegeben werden, die sich im Grunde genommen in schrecklichen, dummen oder überraschenden Wegen getötet haben. Ich wusste nicht, dass es eigentlich ein Show war. Yeah, it was a big hit in the 2000s.
And so I feel like I learned a lot of things of like, oh, that never would have occurred to me either. Like there was a story I remember of a guy who drove his truck out onto a frozen lake to go ice fishing, but didn't check the thickness of the ice and his truck fell through the ice because it wasn't very thick. Things of that nature. People dying in ice.
It's sad because people did die, but like in ways that are a little ridiculous or comedic or otherwise outrageous. And so you learn, you learn things not to do or things you should do to avoid, you know, dying. Fair enough.
It's still a meme. I'll still come across TikToks and things where that song is used.
Du hast kein neues Kabel erst versucht. Du hast das nicht für einen Monat und eineinhalb versucht.
Uh, I feel like I was struggling to remember. I think there are some still sort of deep in the recesses of my mind that I've neither one of us.
wait i could change my bill my bit so it's bit for bit i know a bit that's even better than the brought to you by okay like we changed last minute what the fuck did you know that now you know those bits were always really good those were really good that is true but man now i don't want to i don't want to no i want to claim that one i'm just gonna flip a thing all right i claim brought to you by then
Still never won a coin toss in my entire life. What a streak I'm on, boys.
Alright, Bob, Loser's Speech first. I enjoyed this very much. I love edutainment in general. I do feel like these sort of, I'm gonna call them anthology episodes, are really tilted against me because I have the memory of a man twice my age. I'm sure I had some real diamonds in my rough if I could just remember what was in the rough. There were definitely some diamonds in it.
I didn't even suggest this to you because I assumed you would get here. At no point in your troubleshooting did you unplug everything and start by plugging one single monitor in and then go from there and see what happens. I did. But that didn't solve your problem? No. Oh, that's weird. Alright, that's weird. That's weird.
And so I could have won. I would have won if I wasn't so old. Thanks for the win. I appreciate it. All right. Well, okay.
Pro tip, if you want to skip the wait time, if you unplug everything and then hold the power button on most devices, that it will be enough to discharge any capacitors that are holding on to any pesky juice in there on that circuitry. I don't know if it would, because yours might have haptic buttons or God knows what, but...
Alright, well, you get that tech point. How long has your fix been fixing? Cause I've definitely had things like this where I was like, it's fixed. And then like a week later, it was not in fact fixed.
Oh, so you're still well within the window of it's not fixed.
Have you updated anything? Update any drivers? Update any windows? That's probably not gonna cause all the same problems to happen all over again.
I think at any point in the future, if the fix breaks, he loses a point as soon as that happens. Are you okay with that, Wade? I would prefer not. There's like a 0% chance we're gonna remember that, so it's really low stakes. Don't worry about it. But you gotta confess it.
Nichts macht mich mehr wie ein Schumpf, als dritte-Party-Software zu downloaden, um Netzwerke zu managen. Aber, Junge, ist das der einzige Weg, wie ich es jemals zu arbeiten habe?
Du, Fibre Optik ist wie Magie. Ich verstehe es gut genug, wie es im Prinzip funktioniert, aber wenn du es in deiner Wohnung hast oder wenn du es mitnehmen musst, ist es verrückt. Es ist nicht nur ein Ethernet-Kabel, den du einleitest, es sind Dinge und ich kenne sie nicht und es ist furchtbar.
I have an electronics story that's very similar to Wade's, but I'm outside the window of it refailing probably maybe. Both of our cars now are plug-ins. I keep referencing that I'm selling Subaru. The new car I have is a plug-in hybrid. Es hat also ein Gasmotor, aber es hat auch eine Batteriebank. Wir schalten sie in der Garage. Unsere Autos sind Tesla, also sind das nur Batterien.
Wir schalten sie beide in der Garage und wir haben nicht mal Level 2 Schalter. Wir schalten sie einfach in die Wand und schalten sie mit 10 Ampere oder so, weil die Schaltfläche gut genug ist für unsere Anwendung. Aber der Schaltflug, den das neue Auto schalten würde, war auf der anderen Seite der Garage und irgendwie wurde er zerstört.
I don't know what happened, but it was a GFCI plug and it got smashed so it was no longer functional. Replacing an outlet is pretty trivial. As long as you're smart and understand the idea of making sure you're checking to see if the wires are live, making sure you turn the breaker off so that there's no danger of you electrocuting yourself or doing something else stupid.
Es ist wirklich so, dass man drei Schrauben öffnet, die Geräte entfernt, die Geräte in dem selben Spot auf das neue Ding setzt und die Schrauben festnimmt. Es ist sehr trivial, also ist es nicht beeindruckend, dass ich das gemacht habe. Aber ich habe das gemacht und ich habe auch eine, wie du weißt, wie die Außenpluggen eine Box über sie haben, um das Wasser rauszuholen.
Ich habe einen davon übergebracht, damit es nicht zerstört wird, weil ich denke, dass die Trashcan-Lid geöffnet wurde und es geschlagen hat. So I put a protective box on it. So I did that too. Also pretty trivial. It worked perfectly. I replaced it. It functioned and we plugged the car in and it was great. And then I think it was when the Hurricane Helene blew through our area.
It was real windy, real wet. And the day after that, the outlet that I replaced stopped working. Nothing else was wrong in the house. That circuit was fine because there are other things on that circuit. But that outlet... Es ist ein GFCI-Outlet und es wird nicht gespeichert. Jedes Mal, wenn man den Reset-Knopf drückt, wird es sofort gespeichert.
Und ich habe ein bisschen Recherche gemacht und es war schwer zu sagen, genau was das Problem war. Aber ich dachte, vielleicht ist der Outlet schlecht. Ich weiß nicht, es gibt keinen Grund, dass es so sein sollte. Und so musste ich es verändern. Und als ich aus dem Auto ging, um es zu verändern, war ich so, ich drücke den Knopf wieder. Das war eine Woche später, nachdem es gespeichert wurde.
Ich habe es gespeichert, es hat gespeichert und gespeichert und es hat perfekt funktioniert. Literally all I had done was turn the power off to it, take it out of the wall, make sure everything was still attached, put it back in. That fixed it. I didn't even unplug all the wires at once. I just checked them one at a time and that was a month ago now.
But using the same power that Wade used to fix his monitors, I fixed electricity, which is some pretty serious shit.
You relied on others, someone else's knowledge and expertise to fix your problem. You're just the man who did the plugin.
Why would that happen? It's not like there was an episode previously where we talked about you being a butt plug for an extended period.
Ich muss die Magie davon entdecken, weil unser Haus, in dem wir leben, ein gebautes Sicherheitssystem hatte, als wir eingegangen sind, das einfach unabhängig war. Und es hat Kraft über Ethernet-Kameras. Und ich habe keine Ahnung, was man damit zu tun hat. But they exist, and I should figure that out, because it's cool.
We're not worthy. I think we'd kick their ass. I'd be excited for that. All you'd still got nothing on me.
Do I cut the Ethernet cable, strip it back, make it into two prongs, and then stick it into a plug? Sure do. Okay, I'll go do that right now. Editors, please put...
I haven't done it yet, but I realized... Oh, you gotta make some terminations, bud.
He's building his own internet, Wade. Everyone go plug into Mark's house, he'll have the new internet. You can!
Oh, you know it. Or maybe it's 3.1. I don't know how the versioning works for that stuff.
Oh, if we're going out GPA, I'm afraid we're going to have to be a Web 3.2. I'll elevate us.
Which is a deal in today's economy. Yeah, it's a deal. 299 a month. Hold on. For fiber internet, I assume. Fiber.
I don't ever recall having to do emissions checks in Ohio, but I only had a car here.
We just channeled James for a minute there. It's really got to me. Everything I do is for me. Is that what he says? Oh, that's... I mean, he's a toddler. It's not his fault. But yeah, no, that's... That really lands for me right now. If you've ever seen the show before...
Lots of fun stuff, you know. Shall we move on to the topic? Circling back to Mark Segway, he accidentally did right at the actual beginning of the episode. Dropping? Coins and having them. Oh, crypto, crypto, crypto, crypto.
Like a scam text or like a person, you know?
Coins and having them. Today's episode is, I mean, it's always a competition, I guess, but it's a competition about having a penny and hiding the penny and then finding other pennies. You're going to have to come with me on this one a little bit, but we're going to play a game. It's an imaginary game. You have to use the theater of your mind.
I'm going to give you a location going to be fairly vague location. It's going to have a lot of things in it or people or whatever. Each of you has an imaginary penny and I have an imaginary penny and we will hide our three pennies somewhere within the imaginary location I have given you. And the goal is for one of you or both of you to find either my penny or your opponent's penny.
If you find your own and then your opponent sees where you looked, they get the points. Okay.
I know what I spy books are and I don't remember them having rhymes of that sort. And then they just have a list of things and then the big ass picture of stuff. And you find the things on the list and the picture of stuff.
i'm drew carriott the points are all made up they don't matter and we have a constitution just like on whose line is it anyway and it's different now everyone got their coins he says as he doesn't know where his coin is i got my coin i got it right here and let the record reflect i ate one chocolate covered peanut coin yeah we do coin stuff now and wheels do i have the wheels i think i have the wheels you're the wheel man
I honestly haven't seen an I spy book in person in such a long time that that might be true.
That's the whole game. I can't tell if this is just a completely unhinged, insane thing to do or if this is going to be a funny game, but be creative. You can place objects into the setting that we're in. You can place people, specific people if you care. You can do all kinds of stuff. And you're going to have to get creative to find the other two pennies that you're looking for.
Yes, you're hiding your own penny wherever you can imagine, and then you're looking for the other two pennies hidden by myself and the other competitor.
it's a constantly evolving thing that we're all three synthesizing at the same time. We're going to agree or disagree. If, if something, if we're like in a specific, if we're in a movie theater and you're like, Oh, I hid it under the elephant. We're probably, that's not going to fly.
It has to be, but it can be crazy things, but there has to be a thing where it's like, there might be a reason that would be in there. Aside from Jumanji happened and there's elephants in the movie theater. Yeah.
all right so we're in a movie theater no okay well actually that might come up but that's not where we're starting our first location is a busy coffee shop it's a relatively finite space you have to hide your penny somewhere within the coffee shop it includes any area of the shop that you think you could get into and you can imagine however wherever you might want to hide a penny
And I'll give you so you can think about it if you want. You can visualize a little bit. I think this is an interesting game too, because as having a Fantasia, I have nothing. Mark is like walking around a coffee shop in his mind right now. And I'm like, what's in a coffee shop? Cups. Anyway, I already know where I'm hiding mine here. So I'm ready.
When you guys are ready, just like give me a thumbs up or something. I'm ready. Just to lock it in, will you guys separately message me where you've hidden yours? You can make it kind of a general description, but we have little chats where it's... I almost just sent it to everyone. Yeah, no, don't send it to everyone.
Send it in the one-on-one chats that we have, just so that there's no tomfoolery. And I promise I will probably not change where I have mine hidden, probably. You'll never find it anyway, because I'm wicked smart. Are you typing or constipated, Wade? What are we doing here?
All right. We have two locations. I don't think it super matters who goes first, but out of fairness, because I have a history of mistreating you, I'm going to say Wade gets to have first crack at looking.
Ask me anything. I know where the pennies are. Ask me. You can ask like one question at a time, right? So you can basically have one look per turn. There's no like, oh, I rifle through the entire place. But, you know, we're fudging here. So get creative. Ask away.
You can ask about facts about the location if you'd like more information. You can ask if there's anything that you notice and I'll get creative. Mark, you can ask Mark questions and he can answer and we'll find the penny. I don't know. Where's the penny? We're looking for pennies. Are the pennies in the cash register?
There are pennies in the cash register, but neither mine or Mark's penny is in the cash register.
No stranger than you. I might've seen a guy climb up on a table, but that happens sometimes.
It says, aren't you glad I didn't say bananas?
Perfectly penny sized. Yeah, it might be.
On the back. World's largest half dollar says E Pluribus Unum real tiny on it.
All right, Mark, you get to hide 13 pennies.
Uh-oh. Yep. Wade gets a chance to earn 13 points.
It was just a stack of 13 pennies in the middle of the floor. He'll never think to look there in his imagination.
All you find is the statue of Shakira you keep in your left front pocket and the vape that you don't tell anyone about in your other pocket.
Thanks, man. You thought it was going to be a real $100? Yeah. He thought it was going to be a real penny? That was fruitless, Mark, but I appreciate the effort. Nobody saw nothing. Unless someone did see something.
Hey, how right am I? How right am I? You are exactly 0% correct. Just normal pennies in there. No Wade bald pennies. Okay. All right.
Like, is yours made of metal, Wade? Or is it made of sad plastic? It's metal, but it's sad metal.
You stand in front of the manager and roll a D20. And then when you roll a 19, then you have a plus three in that skill. You look up at them expectantly. When the manager peers down at you and says, well, you seem really sad. I'll do you whatever favor you want, buddy. I'll take pity. What can I do for you? And you ask him and he shows you the security footage.
Oh, okay. You want to analyze that? Okay. Seems like a lot for one turn.
You don't see anything. Mark walks into the coffee shop, disappears into a dead spot. You see a chair tip over on the edge of the screen. Mark reappears and sits down to drink his coffee at an unrelated location in the restaurant.
I find his trail and I follow it. No, Wade is correct. I'm in here too. Luckily for you, the only places Wade and I have gone is from the front door to the cash register, to the bathroom, back to pick up our coffee, and then over to a table. We went to different tables because I'm not sitting with him, but... Why not? Just not, man.
It's got the patina of being in someone's pocket. And other places on that person. Mark, you get the segue point. We're not going to talk about that. What the fuck is happening?
So you just stand up on a random chair in the middle of the coffee shop?
It does just happen sometimes. Okay. When you do that, the mind-numbing soft jazz that's playing over the speakers gets a bit louder because you get a bit closer. The dusty, outdated Valentine's Day decorations that are still hanging up there touch your bald head and make you feel like you might want to sneeze. It's my fly rink.
They touch your fly rink and the weirdly out of season Christmas choo-choo chugs around you at eye level. Any of those things have pennies. You don't see any pennies.
And she looks at you dead in your eyes and goes, yes, please don't touch me. Takes her penny back and tucks it back behind her ear.
My dead grandmother gave it to me 13 years ago today.
Nobody asked about the hot tub time machine in the bathroom.
Are you looking at stuff? Like, what are we doing here?
There are no hollow spots in the ceiling. The speakers stop making sound when you take them apart for some reason. And the train makes a weird rattling sound when you pick up one of the cars off the track.
Mark emerges from the toilet, victoriously clutching an enormous shit in his hand. The man whose crotch you just dove through looks surprisingly unfazed and a little bit turned on.
This is what happens when we record late, late at night. 7.30 o'clock p.m.
out of the corner of your eye on the wall next to the mirror where the sinks are you see something almost copper colored glint in the shining lights of the bathroom do I have to wait until next turn I don't know do you want to give it to him Wade yeah sure I'm having him removed soon by the police anyway I dive I dive for it Mark lunges and grabs the penny that's just sitting out in the open on top of the paper towel holder
That's not how that works. But anyway, I have a topic. Mark already got the segue point. I should probably write that down or I'm never going to remember it. You don't have to write that one down. I know I do. We have a constitution.
Wait a minute. Do you see the tops of a lot of paper towel holders, Mark?
Anyway, Mark gets a point. Congratulations. I'm going to give Wade one more chance to find a penny. Can I give him a clue, Mark? Yeah, sure. No, I don't need it. You do need it. You really do need it. I'm so close. You were close. In fact, I think you probably held it in your hand at one point.
Oh, so you held on to the train car that you heard the funny rattle from, but you just didn't mention that?
You guys were really close to mine, too. Do you want to know? Orange juice? Was it the orange juice? It was in the other orange juice. I set it on top of the take a penny, leave a penny tray at the cash register. That was the only penny in there, ironically enough.
Look, this isn't a Starbucks, okay? This is like a Dunkin'.
There's a restaurant I grew up going to in Holland, Michigan called Russ's that had a model train that went around the whole place. And that was the coolest shit. I always thought it was awesome. Anyway, that was fun for me. I want a new place. I don't know if it's fun for listeners or watchers, but I don't honestly care. I had a great time. We're traveling back into the past for this one.
We are in a messy college dorm room. Oh, nice. Mark and I lived in a messy college dorm room together. Is it the same one? It is not our messy college dorm room. We just wandered into some student housing on campus and there were lots of unlocked rooms because that's what happens. So this is just some generic messy college dorm room. I'm typing to you, Bob.
Pick your hiding spots. Out of fairness, I think Wade gets to guess first again. Let's do this.
wait the judges are saying that counts no all right wade where are the pennies i have hidden one mark has hidden one i want to get a layout of the room what are we looking at are we looking at like two bunk beds two separate beds a desk this isn't our room but it's very much like our room that we lived in freshman year in college i was never in it so that's incredibly unhelpful
It's a bunked bed, but the bed on top is clearly bunked by people who have no idea how to do it. And it looks like it might collapse at any moment. And the person who sleeps on the top bed has to sleep six and a half inches away from the ceiling of the room because for some reason they didn't think to lower the height of the bed that they put on top of the other bed.
There's a couple dressers underneath the beds there. The other half of the room is just like empty. There's like a beanbag and like a mini fridge and like a small TV. It's like a college dorm room situation. There's a couple desks with some stuff on them. Very generic. Couldn't be any random freshman, sophomore dorm room anywhere on campus.
Again, not our room. Not our room. Just some random room. No, the pillowcases have not been washed in three months, but there are no pennies.
uh nothing in there but a bunch of cheap beer bottle caps and some used up condom wrappers for some reason why were they in there just the wrappers i don't know it's like basically a trash can whatever yeah it makes you wonder what happened to the condoms they got used clearly i checked the posts where the bed is connected to make sure that a penny wasn't tucked between
There are some pennies wedged in three of the four legs of the bunk bed, but they're not coming out. I think those pennies are holding the structure together. One of these people is definitely going to die.
Just us three and like maybe a small creature, but it's hard to tell exactly what it is. It's under some stuff in the corner. It's fine.
Wade talks different in this world. I like it. I slowly approach the creature in the corner. Doesn't seem to notice. It's just sort of generally making a concerning shuffling noise under the pile of whatever.
All of them are real words. I know what forged carbon is. I'm familiar.
do you think it's gonna spit a penny into your hands what are you looking for i hold out my hand that's not it that's not a hint i look on top of the fridge and top of the desk without searching too specifically just look to see if i see anything shiny just easily standing out that i might have overlooked uh i mean there's stuff everywhere a lot of empty energy drink cans a very large pile of condom wrappers like conspicuously large
You keep specifying that. Food court, stolen food court, dishes and silverware. Just lots of crap.
No money whatsoever. This is a college dorm.
Looking up at you from underneath the pile of trash and I don't know, beanbags and whatever is a naked, skinny college freshman boy. He appears to be very, very much out of it. He appears to be so hungover that he can barely function. And now that you've exposed the way for him to escape from the pile of trash, he sack taps you.
yells bruh and then runs out of the room that's probably not what kids these days would yell but cap uh he didn't have any clothes or pennies a bit concerned by what just transpired i go and i kick over some of the bottles and condom wrappers to see if there's either a penny or another college student in the bottom of that you for some reason kick a bunch of stuff
off of the top of the tables and stuff that it's on instead of using your hands like a human person i am not touching those cotton wrappers with my hands i will use my foot interesting i even wore slippers you hear what you think might have been a penny sound hitting the floor but you're definitely gonna have to get in there with your hands if you want to find out you think you'd think that
mark now that you've moved the pile of crap that the naked freshman was trapped underneath you notice that the error is now circulating in the room a little bit better and there's a really funky smell this is now dominating the part of the room that you're located in good funk crusty funk
I shrink. I shrink. I shrink. you shrink down magically you're becoming smaller and smaller you're also naked you're curled up on the floor in front of the air vent from which the weird disgusting crusty funk seems to be coming from you shrink and you shrink and you see no pennies anywhere in the area but you are almost blown away by the crusty funky air of the tiny air vents
boils or god knows what on different parts of your body that you're touching stuff also it's sticky somehow it's slippery but it's sticky and just all of you slowly become sticky slippy and when you finally stand up feeling defeated uh you notice that there's a penny stuck to the underside of your right arm yes and somehow by sheer coincidence
You seem to have dug the penny that Mark hid inside one of the gratuitous number of condom wrappers in this dorm room.
Because they weren't actually used. They just bought a big pack and they wanted everyone who came into their room to think that they really fucked.
I don't know. Cast your spells, wizard man.
Mark continues to shrink, eventually getting so small that he could sneak just barely through the grate of the air vent from which the crusty funkiness is coming. As you wedge your way through and you're afraid for a second, you get stuck and you're afraid for another second. Your dick just got sliced off by the old rusty air vent, but it didn't. You come upon quite the sight.
Since you're so small now, they're taller than you are. It's not a height joke. You're just a very, very shrunken down man at this point. It's a stack of Playboy magazines and laying next to it, a crusty, funky sock balled up in kind of a weird, awkward position laying there in the air vent.
Mark continues to shrink. Why do I keep shrinking? I don't know. You're pressing on. You keep getting smaller and smaller.
Mark is desperately crawling into the sock. Your body started to get scraped up. because of how crusty and dry and terrifying it is in there. You're bleeding. You're barely able to breathe because the material doesn't even allow air to flow through it at this point in its life.
And as you reach the horrifying toe of the gigantic tube sock, which everybody knows is just for show, you find a penny so big that if it fell over upon you, it would crush you to death in an instant. Whose was it? That's Wade's penny.
You're sort of interrogating each other as this goes on, but no one's really thinking about me. I'm sort of getting away. But I did. Do you want to know where mine is or do you want to guess?
I'd never thought of that. That's interesting because that's the thing that there's it's still a very technical thing. But like forging air quotes, forging carbon fiber is not the same as laying up carbon fiber. It's if you were pouring it into a mold and you have like a good mold and you know how to set it up and stuff, you could make some really strong parts super fast, relatively speaking.
Weirdly, there is a welcome mat, but the only thing under there is pieces of paper that appear to have girls' names and phone numbers on them, but were clearly written by the boys who live in the dorm room. Just in case anyone looks.
Somehow, Mark summons the strength to lift the vape to an angle where he can get his head in front of it. As he takes a drag, the heat from the coil nearly incinerates his entire being, and the water vapor he does manage to get into his lungs contains so much nicotine that he dies almost immediately of a heart attack. There's no pennies in there. Interesting. I check every left shoe.
There's a surprising number of left shoes. No pennies. All right, that's it. Here, we're going to find mine. I'm too smart. I frantically, before I let you guys come into the room, looked around for a place to hide it, and I didn't want to touch anything. And I got really grossed out because I was imagining what was happening with all the condoms and stuff.
And so I just held the penny casually in my right hand while we stood there and watched you guys look for other pennies.
Mark died at three inches tall of a nicotine ingestion.
Yeah, it was your own choice, man. Yeah, that was weird. All right, Mark. I know you struggle with two-sentence horror stories. I want to do one more.
This has nothing to do with two-sentence horror stories except that it's kind of a spooky setting. So feel free to throw some in there if you're feeling creative. We are in a...
grandmother's attic it's surprisingly big for how like average size the house is but it is just an attic it's like one of those attics where there's you know there's trunks full of dress up clothes and mannequins for some reason and
you know the kind of attic that appears in a horror game that no actual human person ever has as an attic in their house like there's a rocking chair for some reason that's still yeah there's a rocking chair that's constantly rocking for no apparent reason and there's one light that has a pull string it's like way the fuck on the far end of the entire thing from where the stairs are for no reason i've i've hidden my penny i've hidden mine as well hold on it doesn't have to be a two sentence horror story good thing i brought my spooky change
Up. Ah. Somehow your ass makes that noise. Good thing I brought my scary ass. You don't find anything. But for some reason, I have nipple pasties on. And now Wade and I are both naked for the rest of this episode because you destroyed our clothes when removing them.
I rip off my shirt. I spread all my cheeks. Did you just genie Mark? Did you just get him to search his own self for your purposes?
All right, we're all naked. Great. Thanks.
It's kind of a mix. There's definite walkways. There's kind of it's imagine it's like a level in a horror game. There's some definite pathing options, but it's pretty like crowded in with stuff. But the pathways are respected. You're not going to get caught on any straight textures running around this attic.
There's only one box full of weirdly saved, pointlessly saved old school work. And it looks like it's definitely been recently shoveled through. Yes. Which is a strange thing for a box of useless schoolwork from 12 years ago. Yes. You can even tell exactly the point in the stack of crap to where the person dug into the box. Yes.
So you rifle through the papers and you pull it and you see where they stopped digging and you go right to that point. Yes. There's nothing. There's just an old yearbook in there that they were trying to find. Oh, that's a fun guest, though.
You summon the magical Superman ability to blow like a tornado for some reason. And now it doesn't matter that we're naked because we're all caked in four decades of dust. It's awesome. And when you were looking in one of the directions and blowing superhumanly hard, nothing interesting happened.
But when you looked in the other direction and you blew superhumanly hard, all the dust blew off the furniture and there were no pennies on any of it. But you did hear kind of a deep rattle coming from that half of the attic.
A bunch of really horrifying shit just comes flying at you. You waving around the room and there's like old knitting needles and all kinds of real dangerous final destination type shit. You're fine. It's fine. You're fine. You got plot armor, so you don't think that happens. But when you aim it at one particular area, you hear kind of that same rattle again.
You can't lose hitching yourself to that. Or more 3D printers.
There's something trying to move, but can't move. It's just contained. I...
Funny enough, there is, but it's empty. It's just sitting next to an old cash register. You are such a tease, man. pile of signage from what seems to be a closed down family restaurant of some sort.
Everything. He's wading through the stuff. I can see it. I can see it.
Nothing that you touch or push by is the thing that is rattling, but you still hear it coming from the same direction. Hmm.
Hang on, I'm just doing a quick search. Uh-huh.
Even though metal detectors do use an electromagnetic field, non-ferrous metals can still interfere with that field in a way that would trigger the metal detector.
I see, I see. So what did you do? I got so hung up on the whole metal detector gotcha moment. What did you do with it? You started waving it around or something? Using it was the plan. In any more specific area than that or just...
I literally have a 3D printer in my background, and I've been trying to print on that, and I think I ruined the print bed. I'm not going to lie. I can't get anything to adhese to the print bed to save my fucking life. But that's also just about the cheapest 3D printer you can buy anywhere. And so it's not that surprising that I screwed it up because the print bed is not very high quality.
Point me in a direction. Where are we sticking your metal detector? Give me some vague guidance. You can even say you walk away from Mark in a straight line towards the opposite wall.
You could search that entire, yeah, you could search your entire half of the attic that way. That's acceptable. You don't find any copper on the, whatever, waist height and below search that you do on that half of the basement. Okay. Have I hit the wall yet? You are standing with your arm outstretched and your fingers an inch away from the wall, like you're about to make candy.
You're right at the end of everything. All right. I press my ear to the wall. Do I hear anything then? You press your ear to the wall, take a deep breath, and from behind you, you hear... Granny's not doing so well. She had Taco Bell for dinner. It's unrelated. Wait, Granny's in the attic? No, she's in the bathroom. The bathroom's just underneath where Mark is in the house.
Look, I had a whole diagram in front of me. I'm not just making this up on the spot. Once the diarrhea sounds stop from the downstairs bathroom, you press your ear up and you hear, coming from inside the wall, you hear that same rattling noise. It's louder now than it was because you seem to be closer to it almost.
Oh, he doesn't notice anything. Wade doesn't even notice that he actually stepped in a loaded sprung bear trap a second ago. He's just bumbling around with his metal detector, scraping it on anything he can get his hands on.
No idea. All right, Wade, you got your metal detector. What are we doing now?
Aside from getting a lot of pinging from Mark's electromagnet and the huge clump of ferrous metal stuck to it that he's dragging around, you don't find any copper or get any pings of anything else in that area of the basement.
It's an attic, so for some reason the walls are finished, but they're finished real shittily, and I'll allow you to call your way into them like a madman.
Assuming you dig, starting at the place where you were standing in front of where you were hearing the rattling, and as you start to expose, there seems to be kind of a cavity behind the wall, and in your crazed frenzy, you don't really notice what's in front of you that you're uncovering.
by the time you're done and the wall is fully destroyed wolverine style you're standing in front of a whole other room of the attic like another third of the attic it's a huge space that was separated off by this wall and it's just piled up to about waist height with bodies no floor space No living things, nothing else, no furniture or anything in the room.
But a Bamboolab printer. Bamboolab. Bamboolab. Bamboolab. Bruh, have you tried cam-boo labs?
It's just someone kept continuously killing people, bringing bodies up here, and hucking them into that part of the attic. I don't know, it's a solid 30 to 40 dead bodies.
You're spinning around wildly, just trying to get any scary echoes you can on your device. And when you wave the thing around, there's something over there on the far end. There's something that's scary on the far end of the basement. And it's maybe up as opposed to down. You're so far away, it's hard to tell. But you're getting something.
Well, all the dead bodies are over on Mark's side, so.
It's a little scary. It's a tiny scary thing.
After the 27th body that you flip over and go through all of its crevices and dig your arm up into its butt nice and deep and... Mm-hmm. Give it the whole once over. The last thing you've been doing for some reason is flipping open the eyelids of these bodies.
All of them have had eyes, but the 27th one, you get to the end and you flip the eyelids up and in the eye sockets of this dead body are two pennies, one in each socket, one with a big W on it and one with a big B on it. Wait, you also hid yours in the eye socket of a body? I am not going to lie. That is exactly what I came up with.
in my notes for this show wrote down I technically what I wrote was I had it's on the eye like how you put coins on for the ferryman kind of thing but I had my penny hidden on the in the eye area of a dead body so when you said that I felt like I had to audible on the fly to our two pennies are in the eye sockets of the same dead body
this is devastating to my case you guessed my exact hiding spot one phase too early in the game i want to find what's in the scary corner all right so you're walk where where are you right now beelining he's searching 300 bodies i'm going to where the scary thing in the corner is that's higher up yeah you walk over to the far end of the basement and you're hey boo
It takes you an annoyingly long time to figure out that it's up in that corner to your left, up above you. Yeah, but eventually, after I stand there and glare at you for a while, you get there and you wander over into this corner and you look up into the corner of the attic and all you see is a bunch of cobwebs and what appears to be maybe a dead spider or something hanging in them.
You grab the dead spider, expecting to rip it in half, and you realize it's actually the face of Abraham Lincoln with a smiley face scribbled on it in Sharpie and little pipe cleaner bits taped onto the edges so that it looks like it has eight spidery legs.
i rip it in half anyway you summon superhuman strength for no reason and of no benefit to anyone to rip a penny in half with your bare hands i found two pennies you found mark's penny it was a it was a disguised as a spider in the cobwebs he sharpied a little face on there some red eyes and stuff
If it's any consolation, it does nothing for you in the actual competition of the episode, but that was great. Morally, you won big time. Hey, moral victories are often the ones that count the most. In no particular order, Mark scored points for Segway, Bamboo Labs, Decked Drama, Big Baby Tantrum. I'm massive. paper towel penny, I hold out my hand, air vent sock penny, and eye socket pennies.
Wade, you earned points for Play-Doh 3D printer, bamboo boo, trucks, drivers are drug addicts, question mark, early access instructions, secret grandma, train penny, condom wrapper penny, roll to five for your perception, and spider penny.
uh i'm going to add an option for you win a bonus uh point if you had the scariest moment of the episode i got one of two it's either me grabbing that turd and checking it or i'm full of that you did go into the cum sock i went through hell in this episode i think mark might have the scariest moment of this episode bob and i apparently high-fived all we hid coins and grandma's victims
That's true. We had a heck of a time creating that whole setup. We actually killed all those people. So we get two wheel spins. Oh, that means it can't be a tie. So guaranteed not to be a tie. Two spins of this bad boy. Okay.
I announced it at the beginning! Dammit, I just always gotta get food in these episodes. I can't believe that worked. We're tied, baby! The winner comes down to this spin. Paulist. Paulist. Oh, no, no, no.
fate tried to steal mark's victory but fate could not make it so with 11 points when the point and the extra point for best looking mark takes the episode wade did get a bonus point for eating the most during the episode but it wasn't enough plus i feel like i looked really good in this episode i looked in a lot of places You spent the most time naked, probably. So that's something.
You were naked in two of three scenarios for almost the entire thing. Weirdly enough, yeah. You were always the smallest. Did you get naked in the coffee shop, too? No, no.
Anyway, congratulations, Mark. Wait, loser speech.
If I'm going to give Mark a point for Bamboo Labs, Bamboo Boo definitely gets a point.
Mark, short speech? Sorry, winter speech?
Thank you so much, everybody, for listening and watching. Make sure you follow Mark and Wade and me. And more importantly, follow the podcast. I'm not going to say that word we're not supposed to say. Merch? Kill him. Editors, blow up Wade. Thanks so much, everybody, for being here. We'll be back again with another episode real soon. That's not how we end this episode. Just fucking goddammit.
Just a video of a guy in a bamboo lab's costume standing over Mark in a dark room, just smacking him, going, close. Everybody will love that.
I'm gonna extrude. I don't know if that's your small talk, Mark, but... No, it wasn't, but I mean, it's okay if that is. I'm always down for some more 3D printing talk. Wade, it's your turn. Oh, well, all right. I had other ones. We'll get back to you. Calm down. Okay. Wade, what glorious adventures have you been on of late?
Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns! Guns! Get a bigger one, you pussy!
Well, I know it wasn't that long, but it was multiple days ago at this point. More than that could have happened.
Just want to say you did exist enough on Wednesday to show up to Ryan's stream and just do like a scare donation to him for no apparent reason.
I read it like 15 minutes after you did it, which is pretty quick for me, so.
While Mark's doing that, hello and welcome to another episode of Distractible, your favorite. You go through the sleeves? I did that time.
It's been years, man. You're going to have to get over this at some point.
Look, it's not their fault when you lift a Ford F-150 as high as they do in Ohio. You can't see anything that's less than 30 feet away from your vehicle. The sight angles are just not great, and it's really not their fault.
yeah well if you have a shirt on and you're in a situation look hello everyone and welcome to another episode of distractible a special extra special hello and welcome to the listeners that's right you thought i was gonna make one of you but listeners hey what's up how's it going and we're not doing anything visually interesting at all except for mark's armpit stuff but that's not that it's just not that cool don't worry about it you didn't miss anything
Then what you're going to want to do is... You are such a big, strong man.
I think this is an incredibly valid thing. It's in general a valid point. I really despise when that happens, when there's a product and they show you demo pictures of it doing something, but the version that you bought for your thing is different and that's not demonstrated in the... No, I've had that happen before. Hey, if you ever get it out of the box, you can't be disappointed.
Well, you do have a quad. I mean, the F-150 Lightning is quad cab, right? It's not necessarily a full length bed or whatever.
Are we about to have beef with a company that makes truck bed accessories?
Little did they fucking know. London is my city. Oh, no. What does he say? England is my city. Whatever. Like, I want to accurately quote a Paul brother.
Isn't there a line in there where he's like, I'm in L.A., but I'm an Ohio boy or some shit? And then Nick Crompton is like, England is my city. Does that make sense?
Actually, that's true. I don't know if I've ever seen the whole thing. But how could you?
Well, it's funny because that isn't a thing where you live, Wade, but that is a thing in other places such as California.
And I went outside, and I was like, alright, time to clean up some of these poo piles. I filled up two of those, like, I call them Kroger bags, I don't know, the plastic bags that are banned in California, I guess, of poop. From two small dogs. I just want to make sure you remember what bags I'm talking about, Mark. It's been so long since you've seen real bags.
It's the boomeriest thing you've ever said. Go on.
I don't think we've had those since the 80s. Are those those things that eat pets? Okay. That's what we know him as in Ohio, I think. The oil's low. I'm checking the dipstick here. We've got to stop licking the paint on the walls. I know it's a new house, but I'm sensing a problem. No, but I filled up two of those bags of little dog poop. It was a lot of poop and it sucked.
And I guess you use muscles when you pick up poop that you don't use otherwise. Because I've got my right thigh is on fire today. How heavy is this poop? I mean, I guess if you don't bend over and touch the ground a lot, it's kind of a unique set of muscles, but... That's something I don't do on a daily basis. I don't think to like crouch, grab, crouch, grab, crouch, grab.
That's what I was going to say. That feels like a Wade move. It feels exactly like Wade's approach to everything. I know on the subreddit, it's always you. Every week, there's new posts from new accounts. I love Wade. He's the funniest one. I preesh. I big preesh. Even if those accounts are me, I appreciate them. He doesn't understand that I'm mocking him. You forget that it's you.
Dude, give me one more day of that and I could crab walk like a porn star. I don't know why you assume they would be good at that, but. I don't know. It's just one of those jokes you always hear. Is it? Is it? I feel like I've never heard a human being utter those words in my life until right now. This is another side tangent.
There's an SNL skit that's also been living rent-free in my head where Ariana Grande and some of the cast members were playing as Jennifer Coolidge. And they're like, if you could have one superpower, what would it be? And Ariana's Coolidge was like, crab lock. So I've had that stuck in my head for a while. Minor shout out to that skit, I guess. Hey, Jennifer Coolidge, if you're watching...
Anyway, there's your poop update. Back to you in the studio. Mark, would you like to enhance my poop?
the poop is so high up on the ground do you think do you use like those like fancy poop cleaning tools like the stick with the pre-built bag or do you just go out there and like clean up because they've got things to make poop cleaning easier it's not even worth it there's so much poop any of the devices to get rid of the poop is it don't matter you just go pick it up That's what I thought. Okay.
Because Molly was showing me, she's like, they have these things you could get. And I was like, I don't know. I feel like just going out there and grabbing the poop is probably just the easiest thing. Because I feel like the tools are a scam. It is. That's your poop update. Enhanced by Mark. Interesting. That's why I'm here. All right. Segway point? No, I don't think that counts as a segway.
Unless poop stands for something else. Oh, people on orthodontist poles. That's a segway point. Somehow the Daily Double, because you used, well, not used, but you created an acronym. Today's topic is acronyms. LOL. Specifically, I want to fix acronyms because I think I think some of them are stupid and I think some of them are confusing.
And I think we know better about what these acronyms should mean. We always do. We generally know better about things. And this is one I feel like we could do some service to the rest of the world by making better use of some of these commonly used acronyms. Anyway, I have a list for some of these.
I will give a point if anyone knows what it actually stands for, because I'm curious how common knowledge these common knowledge things commonly are. We'll start easy and then we'll. escalate our way up into, I don't know, not easy. Hard, is that the word? Probably hard. Can I throw one out there? I don't think this will be on your list, but maybe it is.
But it's one that's haunted me for the past decade plus. It is the worst acronym in my mind that's ever existed. It's shaking my head, SMH. In my brain, when I first encountered it, I could not for the life of me figure it out. And the only thing I could think was smell my hand.
and to this day when i see smh i always think smell my hand first always i cannot not think it like i've tried to train my brain away from smell my smell my hand and i can't so i see smh i'm like ew smell my shaking my head shaking my head like every time that's all that's my interaction in my head every time i say it's real tough wade i'm hearing your pain and i acknowledge it
I have such a bad memory that even if it was me, I wouldn't remember. It's like 50 first dates for me on the subreddit. 50 first dates with myself. Oh, what a beautiful story. Self-love's important. Why is Adam Sandler here? I don't know. Anyway, what's the other thing we do? Mall talk? I got some.
Thanks, man. When you put it like that.
Because, Beth, you feel that feeling just aggressively all the time about everything. Keep the shit talking in your head. Never stops, ever. Wow, wow, wow. Broke his leg. Broke his leg. What a little shit. Probably deserved it. I'm so sorry. I'm feeling for you.
Who would have set a bear trap in the doorway to your room?
As an empath. I don't think it works when you go, I'm so sorry. That's the inside voice. The really grumbly one. That was the inside one. Yeah, yeah. That's the inside. Got it. That makes sense. The calm angelic. You know how they pronounce it? Angelic talk.
He turned shit into buffets. Anal Jesus. I know that what an acronym is, is you take the letters of something and then that you shorten it into a thing, but they're stupid. For example, you already used this one, Wade. This one doesn't haunt my dreams. I don't like it. LOL. I don't like it. Well, I'll know what it stands for. Well, I was good. I raised my hand.
I wasn't actually looking at you. Yeah. Mark. Lots of love. Wait, what? That's what it means. Lots of love. It's licking our lord. I don't know why that one got to me.
Yeah, well, see, so that's a good use of LOL. I approve of that, I guess. I think we could have a better acronym for laughing out loud. And it can be anything. It doesn't have to follow acronym rules. In my world, an acronym is just a short word that means a longer word or phrase. It can be anything. I want you to help me. We know better. CMG. Chucklin' my guts. I think that's pretty good.
Mark's on it. LMS. Losing my shit. I like that. I like that direction. That's not the last one, but we can keep going. Gag. Giggling at gaffs. Or goofs. Giggling at goofs. Either one. Or both. Gag gag. Giggling at gags and goofs. Latil. Laugh until I cry. Latik. Sorry, Latik. Ha ha! Laugh until a laugh.
Then you're Krabs-ing it up, yeah. Gag-gag-gag-gag-gag.
Is that how you spell cracks or crawl crabs? All right. No, I like that. That's a whole sequence. You can really, there's levels to it because you can, you know, crabs me up is kind of higher than a gold gag or a gag. See, isn't that better than LOL? Way better, yeah. Thank you. Mark, you get a point for agreeing. I have another one that's on my shit list.
I feel like it's used passive-aggressively so we can sort of rescue this phrase, this concept from a world of snarky douchebaggery. FYI, has anyone sincerely used FYI in a way that wasn't just snark coming, firing right back at somebody? Isn't it always like, FYI, I was first in my class.
It took me a second. It wasn't slow because he didn't know. It was just emphatic, right? Yes. No capital letters. I-H-Y-K.
Oh, my God. That fucking clip where...
where he's trying to make a word but you're supposed to be picking the one that makes a word by connecting it to the other part of whatever and he's like okay look we're not supposed to talk about it redacted but also that actually has lived in my brain rent free since i watched that one because holy fuck also that's the video where eef came from right oh yeah well maybe it was before doesn't that one start with you be like what's your name and he's like eef
Ah, Wade, you missed out, man. I did. I only saw the one where you had a sex toy delivery. That was the first one. This is not going to turn into reminiscing about Redacted. I have one for FYI. Okay, yes, continue. I'll save this. Dicked. Didn't you know, dummy? D-Y-K-D. I like that.
Wait. I don't know what I did with my hand, but wait. Do you know Mr. Card? Because I need one of these 5090s and I don't know how to get one. I've never bought a card new. No, you don't need one. Do you have a 4090? I do, but my monitors, man. The monitor issue, I think, is because literally even the 4090 was not meant to handle these monitors. Yes, it was.
don't wait T I'm sorry what was it Mark I'd forgotten ATM BB according to my big brain GWS guess what stupid that's actually pretty good guess what stupid I like that that is in the same vein as FYI but somehow it's more jovially dickish like it's still a dick move but like someone pulled that on you you could not laugh at it I feel like basically every single idea you guys just threw out there superior to FYI
I think we should abandon FYI. I think that should be a vestige of the past. And I think we should move on to A, T, M, B, B. Thank you. Thank you. Or other one that was also slow. This is one that I think we all use a lot. And I don't like this acronym because I don't think anyone knows what the fuck this stands for. But you'll know what it means when I say it to you. RSVP. What is that?
What does that mean? Oh, God, what does it mean? Not what words is it, but you know what it means, right? If you're going to RSVP for something. But what words is it? I'll tell you. It ain't English. Reserve seats, Vice Presidents. If that was it, it'd be very confusing. Now, you know why it stinks? Because it's French. It stands for, and I'm going to say this wrong, Respondez Sivu Play.
Please respond. I don't honestly know if we can improve on RSVP because in the way that it's used, I think it's pretty effective. And it's aesthetic. It looks nice. It's a good combo. I just don't like that people use it and they don't even know what the words are. That feels like a lie to me.
RSVD. This is where everyone discovers I'm actually dumb. We're all dumb. That's why we have this show. This is actually one of my listed in my private writings, my listed formulas for a distractible episode is make Mark spell out loud. I've gone to it before. It's a classic. Good thing he brought his scary tape.
But you think words good. Just don't get them out of your mouth as quickly, but it's not about speed. You know lots of big words, Mark. They're in there. They're in there. What about oots? I-W-T-S. I want that spot. I have to have the accent. Yeah.
how about lmit let me in there i'm a baby i'm a baby let me in that's where i go was that even part of an actual show or is that just a warm-up well no it was it was the pre-show so like a whopping 100 people let me in there should we give context on that i don't really feel like it It was part of the tour, doing an improv bit. The improvised song. Oh, yeah, Wade has the poster.
it only does once every three weeks with the lunar cycle i get my three monitors working i gotta tell you all you gotta do is be patient and threaten it by getting a new computer and being like i'm gonna replace you and then your old computer will start working again because that's what happened to me i will rip you apart piece by piece and beat you with a hammer well no it's not about no that's not it yeah that's
That's all you need to know. Anyway, I'm not even mad at RSVP. I just wanted to get that one off my chest. But I do, like, really suck at vampire dick. Glad that we got that out. No, no, it's really suck at vampire dick. All right, fair enough. What about... We make it English. It's I a VP as in I'm a very important. I'm a very important. I forgot the I. I'm a very important.
It's English as spoken by a six year old. I a very important person.
I have VIP. This next one will be easy. FOMO. We all know about FOMO. You might have FOMO from time to time. Sometimes. Jump on things. It sounds stupid. Never ever would I willingly describe myself as having FOMO. I hate it. Can we improve on FOMO? Fear of missing out. Yeah, it's called TME. Tell me everything!
I want acronym Batman he's also known as ABM yeah I literally just thought I was like I missed the boat on that I wonder if they'll catch then you did but Batman actually is an acronym I'm not gonna do it though we all know what it is anyway FOMO fix FOMO
Yeah, no, that's really good, though. Because then if there's a group, they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to see Barbenheimer. They're showing it again in combination, just even though that's not cool anymore. Like, guys, you know I'm busy. That place. Also, I like the way those letters look written out. I just wrote it down because I gave you a point for it. I just wrote, I wrote on my desk.
Did you write in something that erases or?
It took me a little long to figure out if that was or was not, in fact, a thing that erases.
This one applies to two of us? Probably all of us? Wait, the ink. T-I-I-P. This ink is permanent and it spells out tip.
You got to replace them and you got to take the action to do it. And then I'll replace you because my technology luck goes exactly the opposite way. I'm impatient and I am obsessed with just looking at the new thing, the next big thing. And I'm always I'm always like, oh, I don't really need like I will need a computer. Like it still works.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
But like I'm all what if I just get one a little bit early because there's this new thing and I want to go through all this and I'll get a computer and then I'll be like, Well, I don't have to build it. I'll do it when the timing is right. And then I'll go to turn my computer on the next day and it'll just explode into a huge cloud of sparks and fire.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. . . . . . .. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a la... e was...
And then I'm like, well, I guess I'm building this new pile of shit into a computer so I can use that now. I'll bet you sleepwalk whenever you're dreaming and you come downstairs and you just pour water on your tower. You're like, I'll replace it. I'll give Bob what he wants. He deserves a new computer. I've never gotten a graphics card at like release. I've never really done that.
But these monitors, man, I don't want to replace the monitors. I'd rather replace the graphics card. What if you just get two graphics cards? They don't SLI anymore, but you could still run multiple cards in the same system, right? You just got to have enough power and a couple of PCIe slots that are six inches apart. These things are so chunky. I don't know if I can fit two in this case.
Does it have to be said in a pirate voice, or is that... As the inventor, yes, I determined that the accent must be... That's really specific, but I accept it.
I'd probably have to put them on an entirely new case because they're so chunk. What you could do is you can get a band extension and just plug it into your PCIe and then run it out of the case and just lay your graphics card on top of the case. You're making some of these words up. Nope. Also, graphics card on top of a case, is that safe if a cat jumps and lays on it? Nope. It'll be fine.
b w t f t because you'll be wrong the first time man the first part was so smooth and then you thought you'd get fancy on it no no hackers allowed i really like that i like the tone of that much better than caption uh It's a really long one. Yeah, what does that stand for? You human, human, human, human, human, human, human, human.
Oh, fuck. HMB. How many bicycles? BKC. Better no crosswalks. AAA. YDSTMW. Ah, you didn't say the magic word. DTPC? Do those pixels count? I fucking hate when they're like, click all the boxes with a bus in it. And there's like one, just, you could see that the bus is in there, but you know, that doesn't count. I always get that one wrong because I always click it. Yeah, well, that's the thing.
Because the robot would see that and be like, bus pixels. But we're humans, so we're not supposed to notice things. You've heard of Sigma. Have you heard of SIGA? Stop it. Go away. That just feels like one that you could never succeed at. Are you supposed to be able to pass that test? Well, not the people that aren't supposed to be there. Oh, I see. Stop it. Go away. Like, don't hack me, please.
DMP. I got a dump on it. I have got nothing else. All right. Well, I'm going to say that's the last acronym that we're going to fix and all the rest of the shitty acronyms out there you're stuck with. Sorry, everybody. There's a limited amount of hours in the day. So that's what we got going on here. I am going to read the things that you earned points for starting in no particular order.
First with Mark. You earned points for threatening your electronics, very high poops, being supportive, crabs me up, oh, agreeing with me, ATMBB, really sucking vampire dick, TSKG, GIF, and robot test. Wade, you earned points for... Bent boy, am I tired of making those accounts. Enhancing Mark. Crab walk. Segway point. D-Y-K-D. Tip. Howl. Rappa. Lamb. Wabua. High five. And... Quamp.
What in the hell did I write? I should have written down what these meant, not just the acronyms. Well, I guess they weren't very memorable if you... Quap. Quap, apparently, is what you got points for. I don't remember it, but I'll take it. Mark, you earned a total of 11 points. And Wade, you earned a total of 12 points.
Put a basket over it. It'll have good airflow, be safe from cats.
Yeah, that seems fair, considering there was an entire round where he was the only one who submitted anything. Wi-Fi. It's in the air, just like the government. Government. Government.
oh the amic government of course congratulations wade but more importantly congratulations everybody because you're welcome for all of those very usable and memorable acronyms uh i know for sure next time i send someone a funny animated picture that i'm gonna remind them that it's pronounced But Mark, you did lose. So would you like to give your loser speech? It was a hard fought battle.
to everyone it is hard to bounce back from the disconnects i i've had that happen basically goes off your whole groove wait congratulations you have a winner speech uh yeah mark you also had a very supple supple before you have very supple performance as well thanks i sleep in gloves i really don't It was a great episode. It was a lot of fun. You had the best small talk.
I just enhanced it a little bit. Mine was all about poop. I don't remember what I was talking about. It was fun. It was fun thinking about better acronyms. I'm glad we got rid of some. I'm glad we fixed all the ones. I think we made all of them better that we touched today. Unquestionably. Great job, Bob. Can't wait to host the next one. I feel like I won all over again.
Thanks for the compliment, buddy. That is the end of the episode. Wade will host the next one, like he said. Make sure you follow the podcast by hitting the little plus symbol or whatever it may be, and then you'll never miss another episode. They're always on Mondays and Fridays, so you really don't have an excuse. But if you follow, you'll never, never miss NNM. Mark is Mark Plyer.
Well, these are just 4K, but man, oh man, do they only get supported once every three years? Have you tried putting a different card in it? I feel like I'm not an expert in this, but it feels like your card is broken or not working properly. That's what I just suggested. A new card. No, I don't think you need one. I thought mine were broken, but it's not.
Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777. And I am Bobs. Bobs? You're Bobs. I'm Bobs. Just Google Bobs. I'll come up. Thanks so much for watching. Thank you slightly less for listening. And until next one, podcast out.
What other cards do you have in your computer? Oh, I've got a Charizard and a 49. What else? Is there a capture card in one of the PCI slots? He doesn't even know what PCI means. I have three hard drives. Uh-huh. I don't have an Elgato plugged in. I don't have anything else plugged into it.
What you need to do is buy yourself some cards and stick them in there and then start making threats, and they'll all start talking. That's what Mark's getting at. It's possible. I mean, I might have some in boxes. I don't know what's in here. You definitely do.
Hello and welcome back to Distractable, the result of a science experiment gone horribly right. My name is Bob and I will be your host for today because I won the last episode because the way that this works is I host, two other people compete, you'll meet them in a second. Whoever wins hosts the next one and I don't host the next one, I compete in the next one.
I don't know. I've got to do a deep dive on these monitors and figure out why that only two work at a time usually. Right now, all three. They've been doing this for months. Have you not deep dove? I thought I had. How much have you divvied? Pretty deep to the point where I contacted LG and I was like on customer support.
They went to the point where they were like, huh, I would talk to whoever makes your graphics card. I tried reaching out and then they did not respond to me on customer support. Kind of hit a wall there. Well, I can't help you. I'm going to say it. You could probably just buy three other monitors and save yourself some money on trying to buy a 5090.
It would be cheaper to buy a 5090 than three monitors. You sure about that? These three monitors were $1,300 each. Yeah, monitors can get really, really expensive. Yeah, that's true. Okay, well, I would never in my entire life buy a monitor that costs that much money, but I guess we're different people.
Well, the last ones I had from like 2015 till last year, so I was like, well, these are going to last me like 10 years. Might as well. There's no picture in the universe that could look enough different on a high quality $3,000 monitor that I would ever think that that was worth it. These were $1,300 each. Oh, that's less horrifying, but still, that's more than I spend on a TV. Same.
I can't imagine your life. I don't know what I'm doing, man. I fly by by the seat of my pants and it usually works out, except for these monitors. I don't know what the MSRP is on 5090s, but if you have to buy one from a scalper, isn't it probably more than that still? Well, they're technically not out yet. Theoretically, I know they're not out yet. I wouldn't buy one from a scalper.
I don't like to support that. I would rather just wait for one to come available. Yeah, well, if you're just gonna wait till they're available, you won't have it for like a year and a half. Well, that's why I thought maybe Mr. Graphics Card would be like, oh, sure, wait, here, you buy it, I give it. Is Mr. Graphics Card in the room with us? Mr. Graphics Card is my dad. I don't know.
I thought maybe you knew him because you talked about getting a new built computer. You were talking about getting a new something. This all started with you. Yeah, I bought it on the normal online stores that people buy them from. Or I had them from my render farm. I actually pulled some of them out of a computer that I hadn't fully built yet. Does it have a 5090? No, it doesn't have a 50-90.
I just told you I'm not going to get the 50-90 because it doesn't seem like a worthwhile investment to improve it. I think the 40-90 is going to last a very long time. Can I have it? Some of this feels like the meme of the congressional hearing where they're talking to the CEO of TikTok. It does, yeah. It's a lot of... Can you improve the internet in my constituents, Mark?
If I have TikTok on my router, does that mean China's in my internet?
I am stupid, which is why I turned to YouTube for help with technology. And Mark is offering you assistance with technology. Assistance was I don't need a 5090, but... These monitors say otherwise. I don't think Mark said but at all. I think he was very definitive in his.
Anyway, I'm sure that as soon as you decide you're not going to build that computer, nothing horrible will happen to your current one and it will be fine. But Bob's is already about to retaliate for Mark building a new one. Probably. Probably. Yeah. I do think my computers are on their last... Or not one.
But don't worry because I'll probably win it and then I'll host the one after that because I win a lot because I'm really funny and really good at this. Anyway, my competitors for today, as per usual, will be Mark and Wade. Hello. Hey. I know we've done this hundreds of times at this point.
One of my computers is on their last legs because I moved these cross-country when we moved from California to Ohio. And I filled them with foam and I was very careful. And when I unpacked one of them, the one that has the very heavy 4090 in it, some definite cracking in the back of the PCB near the joint where it mounts to the motherboard. And I have...
a support on it, like a heavy vertical thing. But in all of the moving, I think it got rattled around too much. And the card weighs about 85 pounds. It still works. But every time something goes wrong, I'm like, oh, this is it. This is the end. Bless you.
Great deals on things. I will never buy top-of-the-line monitors again. I wouldn't recommend it.
I'll sell you three for $39. I'll trade you. I'll take a trip of phobia. Because at least then, whenever you're naughty, I'll just slide it into the backwards on the camera. I don't know why I just said naughty to you. Like, anyway, I don't usually buy top of the line. But I was like, these monitors, I was like, you know...
I still say it has never not felt weird to me to introduce you guys as if anyone who's a part of this doesn't already know who you are from other stuff. But there have been.
I went through about 30 minutes talking to this person online through their customer service, whatever chat. And then they were like, all right, I'm not able to help you. Let me get someone like they talked to their supervisor. Their supervisor got on the thing. And then ultimately their solution was sounds like it's not our fault. So I would go find your graphics card, talk to them.
And that was their solution. Solved it. And like I said, I tried to contact, I think it was Asus, and never got through to anybody. It's weird, because the thing that usually stops one monitor from working is launching a specific game, like Uno, for example, right now. If I launch Uno, one monitor goes black, I won't see it again for two weeks.
literally it's been two weeks since this one worked so last night it came back on that's hilarious it sounds funny it sounds like it's funny for you too which is the good thing i've spent up to four hours in a single day unplugging and replugging in cables turning off turning on again trying to have different because i can have any two of them working at a time i've lowered the hertz on two of them like one of them's like 240 the other ones i'll have at like 95 or something and sometimes that can get them back working again
like you might as well have him at 60 60 what do you think i am poor on your auxiliary monitors i think 60 is all you need even if you're rich i think 60 is all you need ever unless you're playing competitive csgo which some people do which some people do but not that many a lot of people think they're playing competitive csgo um what about call of duty prop hunt
well then you gotta yeah you gotta pixel peep those micro movements from the twitchy props that are hiding all around you if you ever watch ryan hide underground because he knows how to rotate into a hole that shouldn't exist yeah you need every pixel you can find to be fair all you have to do is go to that one area and just shoot the ground a bunch and you'll know if he did it or not
No, that's the thing that's really fucked up about Call of Duty Prop Hunt. You know, you can shoot everything. You have unlimited ammo. You don't lose health. You can just fucking run around holding the fire button and shoot every little pixel in existence. It's not super fair. Props do win sometimes, though. Like, it's not as imbalanced as it feels. Yeah, well, you just have to be a five head.
The brain of a god. did you actually do small talk wade nope well no he just took over mine took over i enhanced we collaborated how can you wait how can you say no you didn't get small talk when you've been yapping for the past five minutes straight wade got an enhancing point interesting for saving mark's dismal small talk apparently wade what's going on with you i hope it's better than mark
I have the same updates I've had for the last three weeks, except for one. You know that big snow we've had that's finally starting to melt, but isn't quite melting fast enough? And we got two dogs that have to go outside to potty, and it's been so cold that I've not been going out and cleaning up after them. So yesterday, it finally warmed up a little bit, and things started melting.
I'm going to put down better at sports than Tyler for a point for Mark. Yep. That's true, actually.
That's weird, because I know where Bird lives, and it's not near where Tyler lives. It is not, meaning that Tyler was in fact gone. Maybe that should be the topic of this episode.
Blue means go. Everyone knows that. It's more, it's green to me. I said almost. I'm not yellow, obviously. Blue almost means go. Everyone knows that. Editors, turn us into a traffic light. It's good to be back on top, boy. Perfect. I do have to agree with you, Mark. I like the colors of our shirts. I'm just going to throw this out there. This is accidentally day three of this shirt.
Yeah. You can have two points if you find out where he is by the end of the episode. Everybody starts texting Tyler.
uh should we get into the topic for today's episode i gotta be honest i looked and i'm only mediumly sure we haven't done something that's fairly similar to this but i just sort of want to talk about it is that i'm calling this episode probably not maybe something like uh distractible travel guide cincinnati
We have talked about Cincinnati and we have talked about like top 10 lists of things and whatever, but specifically what I want to talk about is travel guides. I have the sort of like a general list of things, travel guides, travel books will give you recommendations on. And I kind of want to just go through those normal categories, but I want to get the distractible insider recommendations.
We know Cincinnati is, If there's any three people that know Cincinnati, know her bowels, where she buries her bodies, it's us. Interesting. So, yeah, I just want to... We're just going to... This is a good resource if you're traveling to Cincinnati.
This would be a great place if you need family activities, if you're looking for, you know, where to stay, where not to stay, food to eat, you know, that sort of stuff. So, I just want to do that. We'll just run through all the categories. First one I feel like is going to be easy. Cincinnati Attractions and Activities.
This is like historical sites, museums, natural wonders, festivals, anything that's like fun. Like a thing where you go and maybe you buy a ticket or you like go for the day and it's like the thing you do. What do you guys got for me?
I know that you did lots of stuff in Cincinnati, Mark. We lived together. You were coming and going at all hours, not just sitting on your computer playing WoW 18 hours a day. Yeah, you know me.
Yeah, you left your mark. That's good. I'm not going to give you a point for that, but it's close. And if you don't have any ideas, you have to give me something. So if it has to be made up, that's fine. No one else will know. Real activities are worth waiting. Yeah, no one's going to know. No one's going to use this. There is no way you don't have any.
How is he seeing your list? What's happening?
I was hoping that would make it in here.
I think that still exists or peanuts. Yeah. Peanuts stuff. They have Viking ship. So that's pretty themey.
James was up in the middle of the night last night, so I didn't go to bed till four o'clock. Accidentally slept in, had to go get the dog's medicine. Didn't end up getting the dog's medicine. Still wearing the same shirt. Life is going really well over here for me. And for the listeners out there, I want to comment. We sound really good today. I might sound completely different.
My favorite one is the one that used to be called Top Gun, and now it's called, like, Ace or something. But when you're standing in line, all the sad old speakers are still, like, and playing, like, the Top Gun music, but it's, like, demranded. The Danger Zone. Banshee!
Oh, damn. I didn't know that.
I do get it. I like a wooden coaster. I thought that was, for a while when I was younger, wooden coasters were one of my favorite kinds of things. But they're so violent. Like, I think it's funny that people who are wooden coaster enthusiasts are like, oh, this one's my favorite. Almost died. It shakes so violently. It dislocated my spine in three places. It's the best.
It's like, I don't know if that's... Like, it's fun because it's kind of a different experience, but I don't know if the most violent wooden coaster means it's the best wooden coaster. Mean Streak up at Cedar Point was my favorite for a while. That's a good classic wooden coaster.
I gotta be honest, I don't know the coasters at Kings Island as well as I do at Cedar Point. Yeah, it's been a long time since I've been there.
Do I sound different to you guys? I'm on a new mixer. I'm on the beacon setup now. I got the same mic, but I got the things. Do I sound any different? Better? Worse? Happier?
That's the thing I like more than coasters being like violent or lots of loops or whatever. The the minimal restraint feeling is one of the things that makes it most exciting to me. I forget what it was, but there was some coaster where it's like a wooden coaster and it was literally like a little seatbelt. Like you get it and you just go like.
and snug it down and that's what held you in and then you go and the whole time you're on the coaster you're like I'm barely in here holy shit it's awesome cause they would definitely not design it in a way where you could get hurt that never happens right
If you can't actually die, it's not even exciting at all.
I want bouncy. Wait, what's your attraction or activity in Cincinnati?
It's a very large museum and it's a very cool. It's down on the banks, but we're like the sports stadiums and stuff are. It's very cool.
It's super easy to, in general, when you live in a place to take for granted stuff like that, like museums and, and like educational stuff that Cincinnati museum center is also a fantastic museum and a very cool building. Cause it's, it's Cincinnati union terminal. It used to be, and now it's like a big museum. It's, it's great. Cool. It's what's it? Art deco.
My goal was to make it basically similar. I will say Sam, our lead editor, texted me and said that my mic has been clipping in the last few recordings and that he asked me to check that. And so if you hear any clipping during today's episode, it's because I'm incompetent and I don't know how to set up my microphone. And it's all Sam's fault. Sam will fix it. Anyway, how are you guys doing?
The main place where you enter it is like a three story dome, half dome thing. That's got a huge, uh,
No, it's not like actually it'll light on fire at any given moment right now, but it's pretty gross still in general, I think.
i know some of cincinnati uses like the miami or little miami river some of it uses the ohio river so on and so forth it's not bad i mean generally water and tap water in cincinnati is fine it's a little hard you know got the got the minerals in it or whatever but i guess i shouldn't talk too much i still drink bottled water but there's some places in cincinnati where i like the tap water you don't drink you don't just drink but you have like a fridge with a filtered water thing in it
Weird. That sounds like a judgment against you. I've just always found that confusing. Bottled water for me was always just the way my parents treated it was like a thing where it's like if you're in an emergency or if you're like out on the boat on the lake or something, you drink bottled water. But otherwise, we just drink tap water. You freaking... You weenies or well water.
We drank a lot of well water when we went like camping and stuff Well water is funky.
Which one is it? 3D guns?
No, I definitely get that. I, what I'm trying, clearly I'm not right now, but what I'm trying to cut out, caffeine, one thing that helps me is, um, what the fuck is that? Murder, murder water. Death water? Liquid death.
murder water cans of liquid death because they're kind of they're the same kind of can that like energy drinks come in and stuff having those as a thing where it's like i go crack one of those open it like replaces the physical stem of when i have my energy drink in my hand and so i get that i do get that man i haven't had caffeine for like a month and a half now oh that's that's getting into the that's getting into the good part you're finally through the bad part maybe
No, I just mean Mark and I have been really stalling this episode out. We're afraid. Because you only have so many good ideas. You want to keep them. I got it. Well, that's okay. Now's your chance. Dining options. Specifically, I'm going to say not budget, but like reasonably priced family dining options. Okay, I got you. But not chains.
I mean, you can do a chain if you want, but like, interesting Cincinnati stuff, yeah.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
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Somehow it, like, comically goes off the paper. You just look and it's just like, you're like, what the fuck?
No, that's the thing. So I will say one of the other malls in the Cincinnati area that's doing okay. Liberty Center. You guys know Liberty Center? It's over on like the northwest side by us kind of. It's one of those where part of it is an inside. There's like a smaller inside part. And then part of it, a lot of it is outside.
where it's like there are little streets and all the shops are outdoors, but it's still basically like a mall area. It's very cool. And I feel like that's a type of mall that I could see being successful in the future more than like an old school mall. But it's still such a pain in the ass. There are stores that are there and only there. And for me, it's still like, I really need this.
Am I up for going to Liberty and trying to find parking and then trying to navigate through... But I even though I like it, it still is like that. And Kenwood's like that, too. Every time we have to go to Kenwood, it's kind of like Kenwood. And then you remember you have to fucking go drive over to Kenwood and park somewhere.
You just order it. If people who care that much, do you either download it digitally or you order it and it arrives, you know, on or after release day or whatever? They don't. I don't. They don't do that at all the same way they used to.
No, I think it might have been Modern Warfare 2 down in Clifton. I did them in that release for.
I actually lived in UPA when that happened. So yeah, I knew those guys. It never hit me, but like I was there watching it happen. I lived on the corner, so I was not one of the apartments where the water came from. But I knew those guys who did that. I knew one of those apartments where they did that. I thought it was real funny.
I tried for so many years to get a job at that GameStop in Clifton, dude. I wanted to be a GameStop employee so bad. Oh, my God.
Dude, yeah, no. DEA is going to show up and be like, the power company thinks there's a grow farm here or something. Something crazy is happening. So it must be drugs. Oh, there's a farm. All right.
The poor guy who managed that store. I can't imagine how many college nerds he had every day come in and be like,
We weren't qualified. I said semi. I said semi-qualified. That's still pretty generous. All I wanted was the employee discount. I wasn't there to do anything else.
Well, they did. They did. And they're like, hey, this shows you got some backed up parking tickets. I don't need that on my staff. I don't need that in our organization. So we're going to have to pass. Thank you for your interest. Please remain a loyal customer.
You have to be pretty isn't working at an Apple store like a whole pain in the ass, though. You have to be pretty serious about that. It's like there's like trainings and that's one of the places walking into an Apple store. We did that recently. It feels like it's the 2000s in there.
Like in most stores, I feel like the direction in the last couple decades has been less employees, more just let the customer sort of self-serve. There's maybe there's an employee somewhere. If you need help, you can find them. I feel like. the Apple store, they had more people working there than there were people in the store by a huge margin.
There were so many fucking employees at the Apple store. That's why they charge a hundred thousand dollars for every product they sell. I mean, yeah, I guess they have the margins for it, but it's crazy. It feels like it feels, even though it's new technology, it feels somehow like retro almost at this point where it's like just a swarm of people. You go in and there's just everywhere.
There's someone who's like, Hey, do you need help with that? Hey, do you need help finding... You looking at headphones?
There's not much you could get away with with an Apple product. They'd just be like, yeah, this serial number, just turn that off. That one's stolen.
One of the many refrigerators we've bought in the last few years was we went to Best Buy first because they have they had like a refrigerator. They had like a partnership. We couldn't find a person. We had to go to a different store because we were literally like, we want this fridge. Is there a we couldn't get a human being to tell us a refrigerator. It was fucking weird.
There's like a big wooden crate with like the rack in it and then just a bunch of pieces of paper with hand-drawn AKs on it.
And that was a few years ago at this point. That's.
Well, I feel like our travel guide is pretty comprehensive, but last chance. Yeah, last chance. You guys got any extra bonus stuff to chuck in at the end of the travel guide here, just in case?
The Midwest, and Cincinnati definitely is on this list, loves a big, gigantic, ridiculously oversized park, and they are generally very nice and well-maintained. I don't know if Mark's reference is this, but we lived in the Bay Area, right? We lived outside San Francisco. Huge parks. California has awesome nature, like parks everywhere. It was great.
Every time we ever went to a park, even in the middle of the day on a weekday when you're like, ah, no one will be here. Fucking packed. humanity in every direction, bicycles on all the paths. There's no... In California, my experience was never you go to a park and it's calm and empty and you can do whatever you want.
It's like if you're going to the park to play in the playground, the playground's busy. You have to wait in line. If you're going to the park to walk on the path, there's like... 100 people and some of them are going twice the speed of light and some of them are going slower than you think is physically possible to walk. So you're like weaving traffic.
There's bicycle like the parks in California are generally awesome, but they're so fucking busy that they're not very fun. A lot of the times to be at in Ohio, you go to a park that's the same size or bigger than some of those ones we went to in California and but there's like two other humans in the entire thing. And you're like, I was going to say, I've never had to wait for anything.
For some reason, they all have hand-drawn serial numbers, but then their hands scratched out.
There's everything is open. You could go, you could, you don't have to like wait or be like, oh, that's busy. Let's go over here. Anything you want is always available. It's amazing.
There's even an open pickleball court on a Saturday morning at Parks in Ohio. God forbid you want to play pickleball in California. There's a three-hour wait of people in line who are next up on the pickleball court. No, that's a good one. I like that one. Wade? City good. City good. Okay. Who said the streetcar? Who said sports teams?
Who said the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra is one of the best in the nation, among the best in the world? Beer. Lots of beer in Cincinnati. People love beer. Oktoberfest.
Cincinnati reaches all the way out to the airport because Cincinnati airport is with the fucking Kentucky for some reason. So all of that is clearly Cincinnati. I do not know what CVG stands for. Cincinnati.
covington kentucky is what that stands for apparently cbg is just covington yeah no ohio's airports are all confusing because um columbus the airport used to just be columbus international so it was like cbi or something like that now it's john glenn international airport so the columbus airport's initial is like j j g a i or some shit where it's like What the fuck airport is that? Where is that?
That's where we flew out of a lot. It's very confusing.
cincinnati is at least a delta hub not that that means anything because our flight options even on delta out of cincinnati are pretty garbage these days but it is it's technically a delta hub all right wade's thing is the airport got it sure i said newport but i'll take airport you know i guess newport has the aquarium i should have said aquarium
So they didn't say anything about that, though? Because when we lived out there, there was one summer where one of the really bad fire summers happened, and we had all of our shit closed and sealed, and we were running the AC just to try and keep positive pressure on our house because it was like...
Hey, Newport Aquarium, if you had said that, that would have been very good. Oh man, the zoo, the Festival of Lights. The zoo is also good. Cincinnati Zoo and Botanical Gardens. Excellent. One of the best zoos in the country.
Anyway, whatever. If you're coming to Cincinnati, I feel like we gave you any number of acceptable quality places to check out.
Welcome to Cincinnati Bucket. Anyway, that's the end of the episode. I'm going to read you why you got points, and then we're going to spin the wheels, and then someone's going to win, I hope. Oh, yeah, you got to add to the wheel, too. Wade, you got points for El Servo, Girl Scout Cooks,
Lying About Your Car Again, Underground Railroad Museum, Skyline, We Usually Pick Somewhere Else to Eat, A Lot of Restaurants Listed, and Airport? That's wrong, Colin. Mark, you earned points for Traffic Light. Don't remember why that was points. Our shirts. Our shirts. Oh, yeah, we're at Traffic Light. There you go. You know, the old blue, orange, red. A $3,000 power bill.
Better at sports than Tyler. King's Island, not Cracker Barrel. Being right. Rick and Morty stores. And big, stupid parks. The score is close.
but it's time for the wheel i don't know what the score is it's close i'm gonna roll a three-sided die and i got two and i am going to add well this one feels like it's just a bonus star for mark but my initial thought was most most travel since last episode that's 100 gonna be mark 100 of the time it won't always be him though sometimes he's no it will pretty much always be him
well i mean if i don't i sometimes i don't go anywhere like i don't even leave my house but then again you do too yeah if mark happens to not have traveled and one of us happens to have traveled coincidentally that's the only shot we've got uh here we go two spins hey that's a bonus point for the shortest i've not stood next to him in a minute it could have changed mark do you contest on wade's behalf
Yeah, sorry. Mark is definitely the shortest. If we're allowed to make fun of him as much as we do for that, he gets that point. No questions asked. And spin number two. Oh, no.
got the biggest laugh as we said at the beginning of this episode so did we are we sticking with el servo got the biggest laugh did it get a bigger laugh than mark's traffic light colors because that was also pretty funny i mean if you want to argue against your own self that's fine but no i'll accept it i accept uh sir look i i will say i
toxic outside and our bill jumped by like 250 and the power company sent the bill and then they called and we're like are you guys okay are you good and i was like yeah there's fires and shit like i don't know it's been awful but they no one they just saw your bill and we're like all right well if they did call i didn't answer but yeah i feel like they're probably more um more into that
What I would throw out as biggest laugh for me was definitely, we haven't eaten at Blue Ash Chili because we usually pick somewhere else to eat. That's true. That's true. But that's still Wade, so.
Anyway, with those points added, Mark is the shortest. Wade got the biggest laugh. Wade, you finished with nine points. Yes. And Mark, you finished with nine points. Oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. The one man show. What percentage are we supposed to be at for this? It's going to be 12, I think. It's going to be 12 now, yeah. Okay, good. I'm sure this will be fine for me. And here we go.
17%? What's that? 1 in 5 is 20%. I know that. I don't know what 1 in 6 is. Because I'm too stupid at math. It might be 1 in 6, I think. I survived! And Mark wins. Congratulations, Mark. And no one accidentally said the un... F word. Unfucked? Oh, he said it. Flip the coin, see who gets fucked. Anyway, congratulations, Mark. Wade, you lose.
I don't want to be that guy, but if you're talking Cincinnati exclusive, Skyline is not either.
I don't even know if that's accurate. There are definitely multiple skylines in Columbus. That's still Cincinnati. Columbus is anything. It's Cleveland. You deserve better than that. No, we don't.
I keep trying to move back to Ohio, but I just keep picking somewhere else to move. Anyway, congratulations, Mark. That means you're going to host the next one. Thank you for listening and or watching. I was going to try and send a message to the listeners only, but the watchers can hear also, so that's not going to work.
Make sure you follow us on our socials, MarkPlyer, LordMinion777, and MySkirm. Make sure you follow this podcast. Hit the little plus thingy or checkmark or whatever the hell button it is, because then you'll get notifications when episodes come out. Make sure you watch the video version of this podcast, available on Spotify and also on YouTube now. So we heard you.
Some of you complained about that. A small contingent. We're very interested in that. It's over there. You can go watch it now. There is no merch. I won't get your hopes up. There is no merch, and maybe there never will be. But maybe. Thank you so much for watching and listening. My name is Bob. This has been Distractible, and this is the end. Podcast out.
Good math. I can tell you. It's okay. You're getting that back because the server farm is very profitable, I assume.
Hello and welcome back to, for some reason, another episode of Distractible. Couldn't tell you why, it just keeps happening. My name is Bob, I'll be your host for today. I'm the host because I won the last one, and the way this works is, the host is the winner. Oh, and the winners for this one are going to be either Mark or Wade, because that's the other part of how this works.
How much Globersalt do you need for it to die in a tragic Globersalt accident?
I will say to people who live outside of California, I don't know if it was the same, but we lived in the Bay Area. Your power bill can get out of hand pretty quick. I think the biggest single month power bill we ever had was like... I want to say it was like 700 bucks almost. And we did not have a server farm. I did have two computers that I ran.
I, that was during the period where I was streaming like eight to 10 hours a day. And we had, and it was like a hundred plus degrees for the entire month of July kind of deal. And so it was like a lot of usage, but three grand is a lot. Yeah. It's impressive. You know, Ohio, that'd probably be like 600 bucks. It's that beautiful, clean coal. Yeah.
As long as it floats over into the air around another state, it's clean here. Take that, Pennsylvania. Well, Wade, how much money have you wasted since the last time we talked? Okay, is it a waste if it's something you want and you're enjoying it? Well, it's also pretty mean to say that Mark's wasting that. That's not a waste, but... Girl Scout cookies arrived.
All right, Vector, how many Girl Scout cookies did you buy? Nine boxes. That's not even how much do they cost each?
Oh, I thought you were going to say, I ate four of them so fast. Counts as nine.
I mean, it has to last you a whole year. That's really not that crazy. Like you buy a lot and you keep the Thin Mints in the back of the freezer or, you know, whatever. You just keep them around. Thin Mints are so good. They are. Frozen thin mints on a hot summer day. Not much compares in terms of cookies.
Yeah, Samoa. Those were my favorite and still are in my top three of all time. When I was a kid, those were my absolute favorites. Especially if they get warm because the caramel gets kind of soft. Listen, Girl Scout cookies are like the thing to look forward to in spring. Can I just say I've never gotten over the feeling of it when it's Girl Scout cookie season.
You know how they'll every time you go to like a grocery store or anywhere, there's like a table with like a mom or a parent and like three girls and you walk in and they're just like Girl Scout cookies and they're all like shy and adorable and stuff. And I know I like I try not to buy them. Is it possible to walk past that and not just feel like an asshole? I've never done it.
It's not a personal thing against those specific girls. I just probably already have the ones I need. The bigger update. Mm-hmm. Car decision has been made. Is there a car parked somewhere on property that you own? Because that's really the litmus test. I don't believe you.
I win because I'm the host. I'm the host because I win. I host this one. I win this one. I host the next one. I'm the host forever because all I do is win, win, win, and so on.
Last time we got a car, I found a car on the lot on the internet. We showed up, we test drove it. That car was ours within five hours. It was a long time of paperwork and bullshit, but... We bought it same day because I picked it out online and I was like, this is exactly the spec I wanted. And then we bought it because they had it and I knew they had it and we bought it.
I don't believe you. I don't even slightly believe you. At this point, I think you just make up the car thing so that you have something in your life to talk about that's not...
It's actually the Lexus Experience. They ship it to you in a beat-up UPS box.
I ordered mine through Timu. Showed up, and it was a child-sized car. It was a fully functional, complicated car. It was just small.
Marsh Madness is going on. I haven't watched any of it. I am so solidly in the middle of the pack of the family bracket challenge that my father-in-law set up. I'm killing it. It's the best I've ever done. I have Duke winning it all. They're still in it as far as I know. They are. I don't think that's likely, but... It's possible. Aren't they well seeded? They're a number one seed.
They're just not. Houston seems to be the one everyone thinks is going to win. And Auburn is an outside shot. I don't see anyone talking about Duke winning.
I don't know anything about basketball. So I'm solidly in the middle of the pack is like basically top tier performance for me. So it's a family thing, right? So it's like family and a couple of family friends and stuff. Almost everyone is in a similar area. And there are definitely a couple of people who clearly knew something or got lucky and like are in the lead pretty solidly.
But poor Mandy's poor brother. I don't know what he did to choose. I don't know if it's random or if he he's not like a sports guy, but his so are right now where it stands is we all have somewhere in the neighborhood of like 45 to 50 some points in the way the points break down. Yeah.
Mandy's brother picked a team to win that's already out and has 22 points somehow and has only picked correctly 19 times out of 40 some games.
I don't know if he chose all underdogs or what. I don't think he even cares, but if he does, sorry, bud. He's like, 16 is bigger than one. 16 is probably going to win. It's not even like funny, like, ha, you suck. It's like, damn, how did you even, how did that happen? Like, shit. It's because he tried to think about it.
One of the things about brackets is as it goes on, your total amount of points you could earn, if all the rest of your choices were correct, is like it lowers, right? Because every time you get one wrong, you lose. I can still earn 160 points on my bracket. That's the max score I can get.
His max bracket score right now is 62 points, which is barely enough to compete with the people currently in the lead of our bracket challenge. So you're saying there's a chance...
It's amazing how quickly if you get a few more multipliers, you just like go up and up and up and 13 billion. And I still only got to ante 13.
Do the challenge modes give you anything else? Is there anything else you can add?
Yeah. I've had so many game overs with like $200 in the bank.
Nothing good. I was waiting for that Joker that was money based. I didn't have it, but I was waiting for it. I would have cruised when I had that Joker.
Unless you have the Joker that you sell and then you do that during the fight.
Yeah, for everyone out there who's not part of the addiction yet, it is worth it. I'd say for the price of that game, it is so worth it.
Super fun. And I like the controls of the touchscreen better than the computer controls. Also, if you have Apple Arcade for those rare people that do, it is free on Apple Arcade.
No, I like, I like, I have the iPad mini. I have the iPad mini for just that purpose of like playing little mobile games and, you know, watching stuff where I'm laying down. Because holding a full iPad above my head is just asking for another broken nose. It does, it does happen.
i've been i've been there i mean i've dropped my phone on my face before i don't want to drop a whole ipad on it i've done it it hurts thankfully it wasn't on my nose i like turned just in time for to smack me in like the temple a lot safer anyway we uh we've been we've been oh sorry guys got a phone call actually this is amy so i probably should so one second
Someone put it in perspective on the subreddit where they said the entire time that we've been doing video focused episodes, I've been working on this movie. And that made me go, oh man, the entire time, not the entire time of the podcast, but since we did the video, I got to go into another sprint.
That's not how, well, that is how years work. I guess. Wait, what was this question? Just like generally about time? Talk about time was the prompt. Do you want us to go the route of like time is actually a cannoli and it all loops back in on itself? It's rolls rolled together. Or do you want a philosophical thing? Because I never know what you're looking for.
Oh, I thought you said pricks. Pricks. What pricks are popping out of the walls?
All right, cannoli it is. Let's go. All right, so time. But cannolis roll in on themselves, so it's actually spiraling downward. So that's where it's like the same loop, but it's getting smaller. Our life is one big cannoli, but it's not a never-ending circle like the Lion King Mufasa said. It's a spiraling drain into nothingness, just like a cannoli. When do we get the cream filling?
Cream filling started before you started. Literally. And metaphorically.
i'm just gonna focus on the metaphorical kind okay good all right don't think literally about it no one out there all you listeners who think that we're not listener focused don't think about it literally this reminds me of like austin powers is it austin powers they have all like the dick references but then like they also have like the cutting away to like explosions whenever um things come to a close i think many many movies and tv shows have done that joke i believe um
They're really high-pitched because they're small. Oh. Speaking of really high-pitched because it's small. Ha ha!
He's talking to me. Excuse me, Wade. He's talking to me. He's talking to me. He's talking to me. I'm going to take your point and I'm going to divert it into some bullshit that I have a gripe with.
okay okay so i'm shelving this you know what i find so infuriating is when there's some middle-aged like guy or usually a guy and there was one just recently that emerged from his year-long life at the bottom of some lake he was he like lived at like a certain depth for a year and he comes out and be like ah i'm so much younger my biological age is 34 even though i'm 48
And they're like, you just made that up. What do you mean your biological age is that? Like, that doesn't mean anything. It's like, but my biological markers for this and this and this and this. It's like, what are you talking about? It's a bullshit metric that people made up. And it's like, but what you're talking about, Bob, is legitimate time dilation.
So I'm just going to throw that out there because I think it's so stupid every time one of these guys are like, I have soft aging. Does that happen a lot? Oh, where Mark lives, every day someone emerges.
He says he de-aged himself 20 years after spending 100 days underwater. Miracle! Turns out they did a side-by-side picture of him before and after. It looks the same. He looks a year older.
Is that a blower or a sucker? It's a blower. Technically, it sucks air in here, but it blows. Oh, yeah. We can see which hair is real and which hair is CGI when you do that. I know. Whoops. Sorry. The green screen revealed itself. Got my eyes.
Yeah, it probably does. One of these guys probably went to the doctor and was like, wow, you have the heart of a 21-year-old. And they went, what? Oh, my God, I've done it. I've unlocked de-aging. Yes! And the dog's like, what? And so, yeah, anyway. But percent older. Younger. Older, younger.
No, if he was going faster, then time did move faster for him. But he stayed the same age, everyone else who moved slower. So his twin brother on the ground is slightly older. Because if the thought experiment is like if you go on a rocket ship and you go near light speed.
So he's still technically way older. It was a real photo finish out of the womb. Yeah. They had to snap a picture right at the side. Ah, this one crowned 10 milliseconds. They actually had a triplet, but they didn't catch that one on the way out.
Can we legally sue Jiffy Lube for not doing it?
Anyway, I got this. It's my favorite thing now. Because I watched, I was very impressionable. I watched one TikTok or short that was reviewing a bunch of these, or maybe it was a video, a bunch of these like electric blowers. And it was like, this one actually works and goes really fast. And the fastest, I was like, I'll buy that one. And it goes really fast. What are you blowing? Dust?
five milliseconds is five times ten to the power of nine picoseconds jesus christ so i think he's five billion jiffies so i'm like he's a billion jiffies more than older than younger than his ah
yeah they're five feet apparently this universe is five feet lower than the previous one but they fix the paradoxes thanks to murder that's my favorite uh broad strokes with like time travel everyone knows that you can go forward and you can go forward faster than others because time is relative and so all that stuff einstein said it better than i could ever could
right yeah so when you're when you are on the train and you're going very fast it's just like you are time traveling forward in time yeah he talked like that little in fact that's how he talked he's actually very funny there's a few like paradoxical things about that it seems paradoxical it probably is but you know there's ways to rationalize so like you know a photon right there's a photon travels at the speed of light because it is light
To it, the perspective of everything else is so fast, everything else is going through time forward so quickly that it's basically instantaneous from the moment that it's born to where it hits. It doesn't have a perception, because it's just a photon, so it can't perceive things, but theoretically, it's going speed of light, so everything else happens instantaneously.
It's created, and it hits wherever it hits all at once. So the thought process is no one can really go the speed of light because if you were to accelerate up to the point where speed of light, everything else would start moving so fast and you would lose mass in conjunction with everything else. Yada, yada, the math is crazy complicated and stuff like that, right?
But I've heard many theories that say, if you were, say, to cross over this asymptote that is the speed of light, this theoretical boundary that people could never really get to because they'd have to have no mask to get there. Except in Star Trek. Yes, except in Star Trek. If you could cross over...
Some people theorize that you would start moving backwards in time, like you accelerate to the point of infinite, and then as you go to cross over, you would start to move backwards in time. That's like one of the proposed theories. There's no way to prove it. There's no way really to, I don't know the math of it. It's just kind of an anecdotal thing that is there.
It doesn't clean much, but because I dusted out my computer because I'm like, that's what's wrong with the graphics card. That's why Da Vinci says I have none. And so I blow all the dust out and it goes everywhere. And I'm like, ah, it's clean. And I watch as my computer just goes... sucks all the dust back in with its fans.
That's what in Interstellar they tried to do, you know, when they sent it into the back hole. They just tried to, like, GoPro it into there. Got one of those 20-foot selfie sticks, and he's like, all right, roll down the window.
What are we seeing? But in my really rudimentary understanding of what that, and maybe there's a couple different theories about it, but the theory is like, if you were to cross over that and start moving backwards, it's not like you could just slow down again and go back out. It would take just as much effort to cross back over to go forward in time.
So once you start going backwards in time, it's like once you cross over this boundary that apparently nothing can ever cross over, it would be... equally as infinitely difficult to get back to the other side. So you would just be going backwards in time forever. Would you have to go fast or slow to come back? See, that's... I don't know. I have no idea.
Do you have to slow down to get to this slow asymptote to get back over? I really have no idea. You have to walk in reverse really fast. Because it's breaking physics completely. It absolutely is. But that's also where black holes... break physics completely, because the idea is that nothing can move faster than light, and yet black holes suck in light.
Light accelerates towards the event horizon and will become trapped in there and can't escape. So that boundary means that even light can't move fast enough to escape. So what's going on there? It's really hard, and I am not an expert enough to
in any way confidently explain that, but there are these kind of paradoxes where it's like, okay, we have these rules that we have defined, but the universe doesn't really give a shit about our math. It just does whatever it does anyway. Um, so who knows if it's possible, but it's one of those things where it's like, if you go into a black hole, you will die an unbelievable death.
He lost his spelling bee when he was a kid, and it really scarred him for life.
I like it. I think it's fun. Christopher Nolan movies are of a very specific variety, and usually they're very well made and they're captivating to watch, but they are also very dry. They're extremely dry movies. And that's not to say they're not emotionally charged, but they're extremely dry. Some teriyaki on it.
Well, where's your tears? You just need some tears. It's so dry. I don't think I have any tears. You got a humidifier? Do you guys not need those? Ah. Man, I could. I should, but I won't. Okay. Are you Wade? I mean, it's so much effort to get a humidifier that I couldn't do it. I couldn't be bothered. That does sound like me.
I feel like you were laughing too hard at the Matthew McConaughey spelling part to give any points out there, and you're just excusing it. It's like the threshold was high.
No, it is Amy's mug, but it's not Amy's favorite mug. It's a good mug.
Do you want to give us a loser speech? Sure. Even though today I might be a loser, once I start going back in time and can't stop, I'm going to retroactively reverse all wins and losses throughout this podcast, subsequently making whoever's on the bottom rung, whoever that is, on the top of the rung. I don't think you want to do that. Who's on the bottom? I think it's me.
Also, I realized I think I was just pulling the theory thing that I was talking about straight from the movie Tenet because I'm pretty sure that's exactly how that goes through. So I feel like I deserve this loss because all we did was rip off Christopher Nolan movies, but I didn't even know I was doing it.
For some reason, I can't open this document anymore.
I love that for you. That's perfect. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Well, yeah, I mean, I love I love a good capitalism as much as the next guy. I switch back from my beacon microphone back to this really nice XLR microphone that I've had. That was fantastic. really high quality because I saw an ad for the beacon studio, which allows you to plug in XLR mics into the beacon setup.
And so I've, I've roundabout came all the way back around to where I was with my go XLR. And now I have this.
Well, I don't have the GoXLR. This is a new one, and it's nice because now it works and is supported, and the studio is the first thing. I don't do a dual computer setup, but I know you do, Bob. This is an integrated dual CPU. It's Two USBs from each computer goes right into the studio, and the XLR works for both. I think it's one of the first devices that can do both.
But when I have a $1,500 microphone sitting in a box in the other room, I really, really realized that I should have been using this for a lot longer. So now I'm back. Anyways, is it my time for small talk yet, or are we just going to go on about it?
Man, I don't really have anything. I talked about all the things that I got to this gadget and back to this thing. All the things you got.
Christmas was good, low-key. Render Farm's going well. It's actually kind of boring now. The Render Farm is just kind of working and I don't have anything to complain about.
It's not fun. It really was the problems along the way. I just can't believe it. Oh, I know. Bob, you're a knife guy, right? Yes. Well, yeah, generally. Kitchen knives? Adventure knives? What are we talking about? Well, so I'm looking for a good knife, right? Because I'm not not for stabbing steak. No. So I have this knife and it's a knife, right? I got it from like big five sporting goods.
And I asked the guys like, hey, do you have a knife that's like really sturdy that I'm not for like hunting or anything, just for like prying shit open, cutting open boxes, doing anything and it won't. Become shitty immediately and he was like I have no fucking idea what knives are and he's like here's all our knives I'll take that one Bob. Do you know of a knife?
That's just like unbelievably reliable that I could pry Anything up from anything I could whittle with it, you know, can I be super honest?
That makes sense. That makes sense. All right, knife people, rip them apart. Slice them up to ribbons. I'm an exacto kind of guy. Get out of here.
Are you talking about a switchblade? No, he's talking about a utility knife like you were talking about, except instead of.
An exacto knife is a precision knife that has special blades that are not just like the same as razor blades that are extremely sharp, but they dull extremely quickly. So they're meant for more arts and crafts kind of things.
In other news of small talk, my 3D printing obsession is deepening. So people were right and you guys were right about that becoming my latest obsession. However, I'm dismissing out of hand any metal printing and I'm dismissing out of hand SLS printing nowadays because I believe for the simplicity of what I'm trying to do,
like deposition printing is just so simple and straightforward and the quality is good enough that you can do it and they're they're actually coming out with new fibers uh that are much stronger and more heat resistant than ever before with carbon reinforcement and stuff like that so
it's a it's a very very simplistic exciting world and you don't have to deal with as many toxic fumes there are still some fumes that you have to be aware of um but not as many and also it's cheaper oh if you're looking for that you should try 2d printing it uses like a wood based thing you made that joke last time i'm making it again because i'm original
i'm 3d printing all the time mark you know it's like my obsession right now dude constantly look if we can shout someone out that maybe would sponsor it because they've sent me a free one before and it's had a few issues because it was a pre-kickstarter model but bamboo labs I think everyone knows they make a really good printer and their filaments are really good.
You know, if you like buying the proprietary filaments from the people, but you can use any filament with a thing. Bamboo Labs, hey, why don't you look back this way, send us all a printer.
I will leave it in the box. Wait, imagine, you know how you didn't have Hanabi tiles? Or is that what it is? Yeah, you can make your own. What? You could have printed your own missing Hanabi tiles. I will open the box. This is not a lie either, because they have colored filaments. You could have made the color match close enough with anything you had.
You can print out any missing little game pieces that you have. Do I still have to go to the grocery store for food? No, you can have that delivered still.
yeah you can print a food drop box outside of your house so that you never have to interact with anyone ever because they'll just put it in the box okay dude 3d printing actually is kind of revolutionary when you start to realize how many little bits and bobs that you don't need to go buy anymore because you can make it light bulbs you probably could 3d print a light bulb but i'm gonna say that's probably not a good idea
Yeah, you'd probably have to go into like ordering, like there's a whole world of 3D printing that is you make this thing and then you integrate parts from hardware stores to create larger ensembles and larger, more complex things.
The solar powered infinite explosion. They do make conductive filaments, electrically conductive 3D printer filament PLA. They make it because I got two of them that went out.
All of your printers. Call me. You'll somehow make money from this. I promise. I looked like I was fondling their balls. That's not what I was trying to do.
I'm about to buy another one. I'm very afraid for it, but... I last bought a fridge in 2016.
Your hand was heart based. It's really fun. Bob, I have a new record for my best hand. I've climbed 13 billion. Good Lord. For one hand? For one hand, I got 13 billion. I still haven't reached the exponential levels, but last time it was just a million or two. I forget what it was, but I went up.
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Yeah, those are a great invention. Just make sure that glue's on there real good before you let the baby crawl out in the little danger cage.
I probably could eat that many bananas in a short period of time if I meant to. I doubt it would kill me.
I'm sorry. Have we learned if that's good or bad for humans yet?
He probably would have died right away if not for the ratathor.
I have one that is equally good for humanity. This one, the name kind of gives it away. So before I tell you what it's called, I just want to share a picture of it.
This is called the Rainy Day Cigarette Holder from 1954. You ever just really need a smoke so bad, but don't have a full human-sized umbrella? But it's raining outside. All you need to smoke in the rain is one tiny cigarette-sized umbrella.
All I get is pictures of the band, the chain smokers. Hang on. Let me share my screen.
Yeah, well, it could be expandable. You just keep adding. Every length of pipe has its own umbrella, and you just keep adding. You can add another length. You just need to make sure you have a plug for the end. And then, wow, look at that. That's quite the thing. What was yours called? Mine was called the Rainy Day Cigarette Holder.
Man, I am finding some hilariously good stuff here. They get pretty unusual, don't they? Well, this one's useful, I think. But also funny. But useful, maybe. I don't know. What? He was just mouthing something. What did you say? That was for the viewers. I'm a viewer.
I don't want to jump the line. If it's Mark's turn, I'll give you a second.
Parachutes don't work in winter? I didn't know that. Jesus Christ. Wait. This is funny.
Come with me on this one. You're a serious business person. Time is of the essence. You need to make sure communications between you and your staff of many industrious workers are quick and effective. Also, you live in the world before telephones, before like even telegrams maybe. Old, old, old. Victorian times even. What do you do? Walk around and talk to each other face to face?
No, that's stupid. You do what kids on modern playgrounds do, and you install metal pipes that run between rooms and across floors of your building of industry, and then you shout into them so that people on the other end of the pipe may hear your message as expeditiously as possible.
Listening tubes were used in the Victorian era as a form of intercom system, and I can only fucking imagine some baron of industry just sitting in his office like,
So if you're going to take this seriously, I need you to act serious.
It's an all hands meeting. Unfortunately, Frederick's going to have to, uh, going to have to conference in.
Guys experimenting with how long tubes can be. Like, oh, it could be a whole block away. You have to really shout. You need shouters. You need very loud men to communicate your message. You need good shouters and good listeners, but you can make it work.
It certainly adds a fun dose of levity into the corporate, the corporate world of corporate industry. Cause it's hard to be too serious and condescending when you're shouting into a big metal tube, hoping that someone on the other end is listening to what you're saying.
Alright. I hate watching it. I hate making it. It's stupid. It's terrible.
Just keep it and fart into it every day. And eventually it'll be so full of farts it'll reach the other end.
I got another winner here. This one really plays well in corporate America, too. It was invented by Hugo Gernsback in 1925. The world is a noisy place. There's listening tubes all over, people just shouting at you through every pipe they can get their mouth on. You need to focus.
You're legally required to knock me down some points. all right i mean if you're you're saying so i'm the law i'm assuming mark is done that's all that's happening with him i'm excited but all right go no go for it i'll chime back in we'll alternate golf season is back remember how i got into golf last year before it got all shitty in ohio forgot golf
Hugo understood this, the importance of being laser-focused on your task, and that's why he invented the isolator helmet. This is a helmet that fully covers your head, fully blocks out all sound, and all light and seals tightly so that it blocks off oxygen. It was invented as a means of helping you focus. It is a thing out of which you cannot see or hear and which doesn't allow oxygen in or out.
So all it is is a dark box for you to slowly suffocate in while you go insane with nothing but your thoughts to soothe you. Wow.
Oh, well, it really depends on how healthy you are in the mind, I suppose. Strongman's thoughts are very soothing.
There is just no chance that you're going to get distracted from how much you're suffocating to death. when you have the isolator helmet on. Nothing else in the entire world could possibly even cross your mind as you slowly die in your sad tube. I can't see why that didn't catch on, but they aren't around today. Go figure.
no seriously though i i'm not good at golf it's just like a thing my uh mandy's dad uh golfed for a lot of his life and so he has a set and i was like i've never done it before but i want to get into it and last year i thought i was getting better i've gone to the range once once this season so far and i swear to fucking god i bought a bucket of 100 balls and all 100 of those motherfuckers
You know what needs to be cooler? Ice. Putting out fires. It's not fun enough. And I'm not talking like firemen. If you're at home or you're at work or whatever and there's a fire, you go to the wall, you grab the fire extinguisher, you...
fine whatever wouldn't it be more fun if you had like a snowball fight with the fire like it's like it's a game i think you're right yeah okay i think instead of those boring safe reliable red fire extinguishers we have all over we should just keep buckets full of glass balls full of chemicals
And when there's a fire, you just grab the appropriate number of fire extinguishing grenades and hawk them at the fire. And boom, fire is out and you had a great time doing it. I like it. Sounds good.
I don't know if there's a modern... version of it but fire classic fire extinguisher grenades date as far back as 1723 apparently but basically it's a big it's like a very large glass ampule filled with fire extinguishing chemicals of some sort or fire retardant powder or something like that um apparently the early ones had a gunpowder charge
So when you throw it, the powder scatters and the puffs sort of like, you know, you can put out fire with explosions because it starves it of oxygen. The black powder spreads out and goes poof, and then the fire retarded dust. Anyway, it's just more fun, you know?
Oh, well, I was just looking at the olden times. I want to see the modern one.
Oh and it puts out the fire Well, you have to stand next to the fire and hold this giant ball over the fire for... No, you're supposed to throw it into the fire.
Well, this invention, I guess I didn't meet the requirement. This invention is still around because it's a great idea, just like I was saying. Ooh, a mini version! Oh, wow! Whoa! Oh, it's an automatic fire extinguisher. You install it under the hood of the car. And then if the fire starts in the car engine area, have a pyromaniac kid install one of these on them when they go play.
Well, I was kind of a joke, but honestly, unless you're a bad thrower, in which case, that does seem like it has a little bit of a disadvantage. Like there's one big grenade left and there's a fire and they're like, just toss it in there. And you're just like, well...
I just, I might as well have just dumped him down the drain because I fucking forgot how to golf completely. Like, not even like, oh, I hit it and it's a little, like I was like, the way the range is, you're all lined up, right? And so there was like another guy in front of me. We're all hitting in that direction. I almost hit him. That's not even supposed to be physically possible.
down the stairs well i guess there's a fire isn't there fuck better run that one spot will be safe though if the fire gets over to where i threw that
Yeah. Yeah. Way to bring the mood down, Mark. I got sadder ones. I got more fun ones. Alright, this is something almost something we've talked about before. We've talked about showing your butthole to the sun. Or butt sunbathing. Or, as I like to call it, hole flashing. But in the early 20th century, sometime between the 1930s and the 1950s, I've said that before.
And somehow I fucked up so bad that I like curve the ball. He's standing there like doing his thing. And my, my ball just is like, and he literally gave me the like, No words. Just the disappointed look of an older man who's just trying to hit. I fucking hate, I'm awful at golf now, guys. But I'm committed. I own the clubs. Those are my shitty clubs I can't hit. Anyway, it was very shocking.
That's definitely not the first time I've ever said hole flashing out loud to you guys, is it?
Oh, it certainly couldn't be the first time in my entire life I've ever thought those words together in the same sentence.
Hole-flashin'. Call me hole-flashin', but, you know, sometimes. Oh, God. Look, everyone knows about that. That's not cool. In the 1930s, sometime in there, everyone figured out what part of your body gets even less sun than your butthole. That's right. It's your armpits.
That's why they made, manufactured, advertised, and sold specific sunbathing lamps where you could sit in a chair and the lamps would reach around. I don't know if it was from the front or from the back. I don't actually have a lot of pictures of this. But they basically would goop and tuck in there and you could get that sweet, sweet, sweet vitamin D up in your pits. Great.
Could you use it for your taint as well? I don't know how adjustable they were, but I imagine that would work pretty well, yeah.
Yeah, the armpits need a real particular positioning, and if you want to be comfortable, it has to be ergonomic.
Aside from that you get vitamin D? No, it's all pseudoscience.
Apparently a big part of the armpit revelation was like your butt, armpits are usually in clothes. And even if you're naked, your arms are down, your pits are completely hidden. But there are many lymph nodes in your armpits. And so that's good to get sun on those. Everybody knows lymph nodes like sun and stuff.
None. No, it just feels good, you know? And if it feels good, how can it be bad? Nothing can ever go wrong by getting too much sun. I can't imagine how that piece of wisdom needs to be tampered. Tampered? Tampered? Tampered with it. Old-fashioned.
I hurt myself golfing. I was so bad. I hit the ground so many times I fucked my wrist up. Oof. It's not good. So look forward to me complaining about golf a lot this season.
This was invented by Carl Trice. He called it a Laufmaschine. German for running machine. But we know them modernly as dandy horses. Right? Everybody knows what a dandy horse is. Oh, like a horse.
Okay, for anyone who might not know if you're uncultured or whatever, a dandy horse is kind of like a bicycle, but it has hard wood or metal wheels, no suspension of any sort, and the wheels are free spinning. And instead of pedaling on any sort of gears or anything, you just sort of have a seat between your legs and then run your legs. Your legs touch the ground. It's like a balance bike.
You know, kids have balance bikes when they're like learning how to do bike stuff. It's it's just it's designed to just you just run along with this thing wedged in your crotch and it's like a bicycle that you run on. And of course, it's called a dandy horse because why wouldn't it be?
It saves you all the annoying shit on bicycles. It's just wheels and a thing to sit on. My favorite part is that the wheels are hard wood or metal because holy fuck, would that hurt your balls? You have a hard leather saddle crushing your balls into your pelvis.
But you get to use both legs. Plus, you can kind of coast, which is nice. If you just pick your legs up, you can kind of coast like you can on a bike, but at the expense of absolutely ruining any chance you have of making offspring.
I mean, everything was on fire for a while, I guess, so that didn't help, probably.
Don't care for it. All right, Bob, you got any more? Yeah, obviously. Do you want a stupid one, or do you want one that I wish still existed?
All right, I'm going to pick the one I like better, and then I'll give you the honorary at the end. This is a thing that existed in the first half of the 20th century and basically fell out of existence by the 1980s. The Automat Restaurant. This is especially big in cities. But it's basically a diner sort of restaurant where it's like a giant vending machine.
But the vending machine isn't just stocked with stuff that doesn't perish. It's a kitchen. And then there's like a wall of...
boxes where you put coins in box opens you take food and then you eat the food it's like a self-service restaurant but there's an actual kitchen in the back where they make stuff right it's basically fresh food but in the fastest most efficient form you go in you find the thing you want you put your money in the slot you take it out you eat and get the hell out of there it's it seems like a cool idea
Like I like vending machines, but I've never had a sandwich from a vending machine where I ate it and I was like, good sandwich. I'm glad that happened. Vending machine food is like it's either, you know, chips or something like snacks or it's disappointing. And that's maybe not as true like in other parts of the world.
Like Japan famously has shit tons of vending machines and amazing stuff comes out of the vending machines and you can get off. But like in America, if you get a vending machine sandwich, you're going to have a disappointing.
time but if you could go to an automat restaurant and get a vending machine you know meatloaf with mashed potatoes i just feel like that'd be cool i feel like there's a place for that yeah definitely japan probably has i mean they're they're known for non-stop vending machine everything so maybe now i think about it i have actually seen there are like ramen spots where
Where it's just a big, there's a big thing of like hot liquid. I don't know if it's water or broth or what. You go in, you pick your pack of ramen, you pick your little toppings. There's no like worker there. It's all self-serve ramen. It's a similar idea. But anyway, my honorary mention, there's not much to it. And it is what it sounds like.
Do you need to move a mass of humanity from one place to another? Don't want to burn gasoline? Just put pedal- this is kind of like the airline we invented back in the day. Just put a bunch of people on a big bus-sized vehicle, and they all have pedals, and everybody better fucking pedal! If you don't pedal, you die! Yeah, I remember.
I was going to ask you, Wade, if you wanted to get into it because I have tall boy clubs and we could suck at golf together as like a friendly activity.
Instead of falling from the sky out of an airplane, you just get kicked off the bus ship. But yeah, pedal-powered land ships. What an idea.
Yeah, I'm running out of stuff that feels real to me. The next one I had up was a bird diaper. I don't know if I believe that that's real, but if it is a diaper for birds or a bird diaper made of birds, which, which one a diaper for birds so that you can have birds in your house, but it's more civilized. Of course, of course, because they poop everywhere and it's a problem.
Isn't it just a car bumper that's made of rubber? Is it not like the bumper that goes around like bumper cars? Something like that? That's not rubber. What at all? That's made of metal.
So that it makes sure that you die if you get hit by the car. So there's no insurance claims.
I actually still use one of those. They're really... They're still relevant.
I have some very important documents that if I can't have them, no one should have them. Either I get these to their destination intact or fuck all this stuff. Get it out of here.
I'm going to put that in as happiest contributions.
So you're probably better than I am because there's a curve in golf and I started here and last fall I was going like this and now I'm here I've hit the I've hit the major slump in my golf game. So you're probably starting from a neutral place you're probably better at golf than I am right now and We shouldn't it'll be fun.
Because you said, fuck whoever invented cave dive. Oh, right, right, good.
okay all right it'll make it pretty simple well that's really gonna spice things up we get one bonus point roll and i already added your extra thing so here we go
All right, friendship. What about me? I'm friend. I offered my friendship to both of you in this episode. You could always tempt the fates.
Hang out drive a golf driving the golf cart around is upon his part I've not been allowed to do that since I drove it into a creek as a kid.
Okay. That sounds good. Oh, I dropped my coin. Hang on.
Is this what you wanted the other weird episodes to be like? Kinda. Oh. Well, alright. Didn't you ask about, like, animals and shit before, though? Yeah, I had to find a completely different weird topic, because I knew it was... I feel like we talked about weird animals in those previous episodes. Like, I feel like we did exactly what you wanted before.
You pay them $15, you get to go drive a golf cart around for a couple hours, and there's no speed limits. And you just jump curbs like you're supposed to. Because it's fun. It's fun. We should do it. I'll go. You're invited, Mark, but you live way the fuck far away, so it seems impractical. Well, all right. But if you're here, we could all golf.
You gotta participate if you want to have a word, you know, if you want your word to count or whatever.
You, your losing streak is over. I mean, it wasn't that long of a losing streak, but it did, it was a while. For listeners and viewers, I haven't hosted in a couple weeks now, so get ready.
Oh, nah, I'd steal part one. Mark has just self-engineered a 5E rule book and we're just playing Dungeons and Dragons. It's exactly that.
Remember all the delegates who died? That was Airplane Train.
You know what? Winning feels even better when I do it less. So I'm going to keep doing it less, I guess, is where I'm getting at. Gonna do it less and less every day. I'll become the biggest loser you've ever seen. And that way, when I win, it's a surprise and a delight for everyone involved. This was a fun episode, and I'm sorry we didn't get to ruin Weird Part 4.
But good luck sneaking Part 5 past us. That shit's gonna be an absolute joke-pocalypse when it comes.
It doesn't. I don't remember the last time you left this room. As far as I know, that entire, your entire existence is contained in this one room that we see you in on this podcast.
I see Wade's taking his points away for that.
That's actually the proclamation that they give in New York when a new skyscraper is finished. A big grizzly guy walks up in his tank top and jeans and he goes, Hey, Duns! And then they smash a bottle of Budweiser on it.
that rent stews with this other company why them what why why anything i already have a number i have a business idea we should make a system called the dist number and if you want to if we should just start getting people on board if you want to buy our products you need a dist number and then they'll just have to come to us and we'll issue them a dist number i
I didn't know that was a business you could have. That's fascinating proposition.
Of all the things that I know about how businesses operate, this is one of the weirder ones. Because what is done in Bradstreet? Like your EIN, that's issued by the IRS. What's another one? The UEI, which is a thing that is basically the same as the DUNS number. It's just a new version of it. That's also like a government thing. It makes sense to me.
You need like a government... Because the way businesses work is you have to register with the government. Then it's a business. So... Who the shit is Dunn and Bradstreet? What is this? I don't know. I don't know. They're not the government.
This is the kind of shit that feels like a scam. Like there's a bunch of stuff in when you're doing like small business stuff or you're like tax things. There's a bunch of stuff where you're like, all right, this is like an IRS.gov website. All right. That's pretty legit. And then you go to another thing and it's like, oh, this is like a, this is like a something else.org website.
That doesn't really feel like, like it shouldn't it be a.gov website or what?
This feels like where Crypto Bros came from. Like, this is Crypto Bros' grandparents or something.
Ah, no, .gov is a government in America. .gov means it is a government website, and .org, like any non-profit, can be a .org. It has to be non-profit, though? It doesn't have to be, but like all anything that is a nonprofit, like it's not related to the government at all. It's some kind of whatever charity, whatever that can have a dot org.
Also, institutions can have dot orgs, I think, but that's because a lot of them like it. The dot gov and dot org do mean very specific different things.
And I don't ever want to put my personal info in on a thing that's not a .gov website, but that comes up, and it's fucking sketchy.
I went to filemytaxesforfree.ca. Well, actually, that might be a California website.
There's so many jokes in there, you're just spilling them all over. Anyway, that's weird, and I'm with you. I hate it. I think you're right.
Please. Tim Apple's a listener, if ever anyone was a listener. Yeah, I know, for sure. That's probably listener vibes, yeah.
Like when Wade's house was flooding and falling to pieces all around him, and you showed up just when he needed you to so you could film it and exploit it for views on the internet? No.
Like the guy who invented the bear suit or whatever. The invincible suit.
What are most things that you keep babies in, if not cages for your tiny animal?
Oh wait, I might be getting it backwards. Wait, no, I might have gotten something wrong in the chain. Ah, I messed up. Ah, hold on now. I'm gonna start a word with Saber.
Und es ist alles gemacht, und die Punkte zählen nicht, aber wir schreiben sie auf unsere kleinen Schrauben von Papier. Bevor wir dazu kommen, habe ich heute ein Spiel, das wir spielen werden, und es ist lustig? Bevor wir dazu kommen, wie geht es dir, Jungs? How's it hanging? You know. You know. You what? I got a headline for you, if you want it. Oh, hell yeah.
What? What the fuck starts with Saber, man? Oh, man. Can I give it? Can I say what I was going through, even though it's not quite right? Okay. Okay, this is where I was gonna go. It's not getting there, because I realize now, oh, I thought about it backwards.
I was gonna go, it was lightsaber, sabertooth, toothpick, and then I forgot, I was gonna go waterpick, and then I'm like, wait, no, because I needed to get to water, and I was gonna go waterbottle, but it's toothpick to waterpick, and that doesn't work. I forgot about sabertooth. Sabertooth ist der, den ich gedacht habe. Das ist der einzige, den ich denken kann.
Aber das war der, den ich gedacht habe. Das ist der einzige, den ich denken kann. Warte, willst du Sabertooth benutzen? Oh Mann, du weißt, es ist so ein guter. Ich meine, du kannst dich selbst denken, wenn du willst. Ehrlich gesagt, wenn du willst, ich werde Saber in Schief akzeptieren, weil es wirklich fucking lustig ist. Also muss die Worte Schief zu Beginn sein?
Ja, also das nächste Wort ist Schief. Oh Mann.
The word is just sheath. In gets dropped. Oh man, okay. I've got a clear line here, man. I don't know. Oh yeah, me too. That's an obvious pass. I got it. Here we go. We've got sheath of the east. Ja, das wäre besser. Man, that would have really got us there right on time. Now that I'm in the East, I gotta figure out the... Alright. Seath of the East. Your word is East.
Can they be names of locations? Sure. Clearly the rules are more of a suggestion.
Fork like fork and spoon. Well, fork bottle doesn't make any sense at all, man. How do you expect to get there? Ah, I forgot.
Mark, your word is fork. Let's go. We got this. Oh, yeah, we do. Fucking no. Can't use fork of the east. I'm just gonna count that out right now. Oh, don't worry. I was gonna say fork in da road. Judges are saying yes, that counts. Your word is road. Road is fine. Road is totally normal. Road bottle. You know what?
I have a one word solution that gets us to the end and it's something we've already talked about. Road beer. That's a thing. Road beer? Road beer. I don't think that's a thing we should encourage here. That's really, you know... Road beer doesn't count because it's bad. Don't do road beer. That's our official opinion. That's fair, Mark. Very fair. You get a fair point. Road kill. Kill bottle!
Kill bottle, obviously, yeah. I just thought of... No, don't tell me. Okay, I'll save it, I'll save it. I've got another one-word solution. Is it Killbeer? It better not be Killbeer. It's not Killbeer, it's totally new, it's totally new. Killsaber. Killsabertooth.
Cheating alleged after men's world conquer champion found with steel chestnut. Um, I don't know anything that you just talked about. Well, maybe a picture would help elucidate this situation. Let me just give you, let me show you a little bit of what we're talking about here. And then it should clear it right up and you should not be confused anymore. Alright, you ready? Conquer? Champion? Oh!
You know, the exclamation, me bottle. But you gotta say it in Scottish. Me bottle. Me bottle. Was was my word, time? Time, yeah, obviously. Time to drink. And then drink bottle. Drink bottle. Is that it? Is that how you're going? No, we can get there if you give me that. We can get there.
The goal is to actually get to the end, but I'm not gonna rush you. I'm not gonna rush you. You can get there in your own way. I believe in you guys. We're a team here. Mark, you can get there with this. I know, yep. Timeshare.
That's also not the kind of ware that it is, but okay. Wear that bottle. Oh, you're right. I gave him a really troublesome ware. It's not that kind of... Shareware is spelled S-H-A-R-E-W-A-R-E. Ware. Like software. Yeah, I didn't help you.
I don't think that's how that's spelled. Oh, wait, there is one. There's a word that does make sense there. Oh, yeah. Wait, there's an easy one. I feel so stupid. Warehouse.
And now we've really got it. Yes, there's no way we fuck this up. I'm sure we'll get there this time. This is simple. The very responsible house beer. You don't want a road beer, we have to endorse house beer. If road beer is off limits, then yeah, what we are saying is, it better be a house beer. Yeah, or it's like you're at a bar and it's the house, you know, beer, you know, they have.
So I gotta get from beer to bottle. Yay, he did it! I don't know if I'm gonna count that. I don't think he's done. Beer tab, beer well, beer bottle! Ah! Gott, wie lange hat das gedauert? Ich habe nicht geschaut. Es ist 30 Minuten in der Episode. Ah, fuck. Das hat ein bisschen über 10 Minuten gedauert. Oh nein, das ist nicht wahr.
Würdest du hören, wie die Reise, die wir gemacht haben, von Star zu Bottle? Nein. other than the east and the sheath other than those two we were pretty good If you don't look at all the of does and in does, it's fantastic.
Ja, da bist du. Ich sehe. Das ist wie aus den Leprechaun-Olympischen. Warte, beschreibe das für die Zuhörer.
Ah, I knew this would be a good idea. Beware the Sheath of the East. I knew you guys would be good at this. Thanks. It would be a challenge for people to even come up with that many connections without stumbling there. I feel like we've really... Without purposefully going away from your goal, yes, it's almost impressive that you were both actually trying to succeed and that's still where we went.
Alright, well I'm excited for this one then because I thought this one might be harder. I have no idea why I thought that. I couldn't tell you. Anyway, your first word is chair and I want you to get to elephant. Am I going first? Mark starts, yes. Okay. Maybe. Chairlift? I can't lift an elephant. Chairlift, lift elephant. Got it. You guys are so good at this. What compound word leads to elephant?
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, man, that's tough. I can think of one. Oh, I can think of one as well. Mark und ich haben beide auf die gleiche Antwort geschraubt, in fast dem selben Moment, jedes Mal, als Wade sagt, Saber in Schiff. Vielleicht ist das ein Superkraft, den du hast, Bob, wo auch immer du es entdeckst. Ich bin instantan so, oh ja, und ich wette, es ist das Gleiche.
Ich wette, wir denken an das Gleiche. Hier, ich werde es dir schreiben. Sind wir an das Gleiche denken? Teile es allen, damit ich auch wissen kann. Nein, nein, helfe ihm nicht, helfe ihm nicht. Ich dachte, das war kooperativ. Oh, nein, das ist ein anderer. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh, I guess I shouldn't tell you since you're playing the game. I have a different one, but that is a good one.
Well, he told you, you tell me and I'll tell Mark mine. All right. That sounds fair. Great. All right. Chair lift. And I got to get to, we have to get to elephant. Your word is lift. And we're trying to get to elephant, Wade. I believe in you. Lift up. That's how you go with lift, lift up. That's what we're working with. Alright, I'll allow it. It couldn't be lift off or any actual thing.
Alright, lift off, okay, alright, off. Off beat. Don't say beat off. I see you've activated my trap card. Beat of da north.
Mal sehen, wie viele Mal wir durch diesen Lauf gehen können. Ist das... ist das... ist das wie das Who's on First-Joke? Lift up, up lift, lift off, off beat, beat up, up lift! Nein, nein, up dog. Ah, scheiße. Warte, was? Ist Wade eigentlich mit beat up gehen? Ist das, was wir machen? Ja, ich dachte so.
Oh, ich dachte, du wärst seriös. Nein, wir gehen mit. Beat up, up dog. Wade, dein Wort ist dog. Das ist, wo wir gehen.
If we get desperate, maybe we should circle back around to that one. Yeah, keep that one in mind. Dogfight. Okay, not the direction I was hoping.
Fight goes with that. I don't know how to land elephants, so I'm fucking lost. Fight night. N-I-G-H-T, so not like a knight with armor. Fuck. Hey, kann ich nur sagen, Silberlinie, ich bin mir ziemlich sicher, dass dieses hier schwieriger wird als das erste.
I'm glad you said the right word. Load up. End of the show.
Ja, das ist das Ding, oder? Joe Elephant. Ja, ja, das ist das Ding. Das ist das Ding, das ist das Ding.
Okay, das ist gut. Weil was ich gemacht habe, war wie Fight Night und dann wird es wie Night Circus und dann Circus Elephant. Ja, ich fühle mich, dass Circus war der, den ich von Mark gedacht habe. Marks original war Pink Elephant, aber ich dachte auch, dass du versuchen könntest, Circus Elephant zu erreichen.
That's the one. There's a little pettiness in this journey, but I do like it. To get from chair to elephant, we got chair lift, lift up, uplift, lift off, off beat, beat up, up dog, dog fight, fight night, night fall, fall off, off load, load up, up end, end of the show, show elephant. You had four ups. You had three lifts. Anyway, that was a good one, guys. Beautiful.
That's all we'll have time for. Oh, we got time for at least three. I can't imagine how this one will be too difficult. We're gonna do river and piano. And Wade goes first.
Walk. Okay. Walk way. Way to go. I like it. So Mark's word is go. Oh no, that's backwards. Oh no. I went down the wrong path. I keep making it backwards. In my head, I keep making it backwards. Are you thinking like from the end back to where we are? Are you just like flipping things around in your head? No, I think of like a word that goes with piano. But this time I went, ah, piano bar.
And his chest is covered in chestnutty apricorns. Apricorns. Yes, interesting. Did I describe it well enough? You sure did. I'm really proud of you. The fuck did I just look at? I know this and I'm sure everyone else does. Conkers is a traditional children's game where you're supposed to take turns hitting each other's Conkers. It's not what we called it when we were kids. Is this Ball Tap?
It's perfect. I'll go backwards from there. And then I start connecting to that. And I'm like, that's not how the game works. Anyway, what was your word again, Wade? I've completely forgotten at this point. Go. Okay. Alright, got it. Go low. Low key? Ah, shit. God damn it. Fuck. Every time it comes back to me, it's not my plan. I gotta rethink it all over again.
No, how is that a key piano? Just because it's associated with piano doesn't mean it helps. I don't know, man. I thought you were gonna go low bar. And then it's right there. Oh.
Guten Abend, liebe Zuschauer, und willkommen zu Distractable. In diesem Episode. Branded Bob kennt seine Sausage, kann keine Akzente und bringt die Jungs, um kundige Linguisten zu sein. Modifiziert Mark geht für gesonderte Nudeln, Louse teilt einen Skabbard, Heimatbewerber und Pachydermen.
Are we going with holy moly? He has to go with it. It's like chess, you said it out loud.
Okay. Hole in da wall. Fuck. Why did I think that was a term? Because that's what I was hoping you were going for. Hey, I gave it to you. Why did I think wall piano was a thing? Oh no, okay, alright. Oh, Mark, hatten wir die gleiche Meinung? Ich kann nicht warten, das für euch aufzupacken. Ich wollte sagen, Wallbar ist eine Sache, oder?
Yeah. It's a thing. Okay. Okay. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. Wall bar. Bring it home, Wade. Bar piano. That's a thing, right? You have to say it like you want to say it. That's the rule. Bar piano. Oh, shit. Is that a thing? Every time I look up bar piano, it just comes up piano bar. Oh, no. I think that that's correct.
I think our definition of what is and is not a thing has been pretty loose. I was willing to give you bar piano purely in the context of like, oh, it's a piano in a bar. It's a bar piano. Okay, good. Okay, cool. Because like it does have a meaning. I feel like that's distinct, right? It's not a concert piano. It's a bar piano. So it's like it's a little sticky.
Grand was one I thought you guys could get to.
I was like, alright, something grand. But how do you end in grand is the hard thing. Yeah, that was a tough thing. I couldn't think of it. Stand grand. Alright, give us another. We're getting better at this. That one was much shorter. We had river walk, walkway, way to go, go low, low key, keyhole, hole in the wall, wall bar, bar piano.
Mit dem Objekt, dass man die anderen Spieler nicht brechen kann. Also kann ich sehen, wie man einen Stahl-Konker, Apricorn, nein, nein, Chessnut, Stahl-Chessnut, das wäre eine Verletzung, weil das nicht brechen wird. Stahl ist schwer. Ja, also ich denke, das ist das Lange und das Kürzere davon. Du schmischst deine Nuts zusammen, bis sie explodieren. Was ist in unserer Kultur passiert?
Okay, when you read it all together there, it sounds a little bit more unhinged. We'll do speed round this time. This is where... I'll give you one I feel like could be done super efficient. We're starting at train and we're ending at... Station. Clock. Oh, okay. Train, whistle. Whistleblower. Blower and mower.
Alright, Mower, I hardly know her. Mark's word is her, I guess. Her. What was the last word we were going for? Lock.
Ich meine, wenn es in Wahrheit zu ihr gehört, dann ist es ihr Uhr.
Wenn wir schnell gehen, müssen wir nicht darüber nachdenken, wie falsch wir sind. Komm schon, gib uns noch einen. Wir gehen jetzt rein. Okay, okay. Ich möchte Cloud zu Shoe machen.
So obvious now, when you say it like that.
Foots are very close to shoes. Are we doing another one? One more speedrun? Oh yeah, one more. Oh yeah, last one, best one. We're gonna do bicycle to candle. Bicycle lock. Locksmith.
I just wanna throw out there, you could have also gone with Wesson Wurnd. But no, Wesson Isle Virus. Mark Wurnd's Virus. Virus Medicine. Medicine Man. What word were we going for again? Candle. Man Candle. No, uh, Man with a Plan. Man with da Plan? Man with da Plan. Alright, Plan... Plan. Plan. You got Wesson, but not Plan?
Water flow. Flow like wax. That's a term, right? Yeah, let me check that in Google and see if flow like wax comes up. He hit the dance floor, he hit a flow like wax. That's a thing, isn't it? Isn't that a term? No, it's not. Never mind. Fuck off. No, fuck you. No, fuck you. Sorry, judge. Fuck you, sorry. Flow free. Free bird. Bird? Got it. Okay. I see where we're going. Mark! It's there.
Erinnerst du dich an 10 Jahre ago? Stahlballen. Es war so gut, jetzt ist es verletzlich. Apparently, Conkers are the seeds of the Chestnut Tree, but they are also called Oblyonkers, Cheggies, or Cheesers. So maybe that's why you were confused, because you thought, you didn't know we were talking about Cheesers.
What are you looking for? I was trying to get to it. Birdwax, is that it? Something in between. What do you mean? Bird flu. Ah, yes. Bird flu, good one. Wait, I'm sure that's the word you were hoping for.
Flu, flu-like flu. Wie in Symptomen wie der Flut? Ja! Ich hab's! Oh! Oh! Wie ein Bär? Ja, du machst es, Smarty! Wie ein Bär! Was hast du da?
Schau mal, was du da hast! Bärs und die Bären! Oh! Oh! Bären-Wachs! Wax Candle. Oh Mann, warum war das noch nicht der schlechteste?
We finally arrived at our destination, but we traveled through Bicycle Lock, Locksmith, Smith & Wesson, Wesson Isle, Virus, Virus Medicine, Medicine Man, Man with the Plan, Plan Tur, Tur Key, Key West, West Nile, Nile River, River Water, Water Flow, Flow Free, Free Bird, Bird Flu, Flu Like, Like a Bird, Bird and the Bees, Bees Wax, Wax Candle.
I'm sure there's plenty of people laughing their heads off out there, chuckling it up. See if you can do better. You can't. You won't. I feel great. I had a great time. That was very fun. I say you guys were better at that than I thought you might be. How bad did you think we would be? God. I was afraid we wouldn't be able to finish one and we'd just have to give up and move on.
That's what I knew we were on the right path. Wesson Nile Virus, that really... I still fucking... In no time, literally, Mark was like Smith and Wesson and you were like, Wesson Nile Virus. And then the next one, it was like Virus Medicine and you were like, oh. Listen, sometimes this thing fires in all cylinders and sometimes we out of gas. Gentlemen, thank you for playing along.
As always, I appreciate you doing whatever I tell you to. Technically, you don't have to, but you do anyway. I'm going to recount the scores and the name that I say first has nothing to do with anything. Don't even think twice about it. Mark. Yes. You got a point for Bonkers Conkers. F***. Entschuldigung? Mabunil, if you're fancy.
Yeah, he had a steel Cheeser, this guy. How'd you find this, Mark? Oh, I have various research methods that I will not elucidate.
Saber and sheath, beer bottle, upend, show elephant, way to go, western isle virus, planter, and it's there! I see it!
Mark, you earned a total of 11 points. And like I said, the order means nothing. I didn't say the loser first for any particular reason. I picked at random. Wade, you earned 12 points. Yes! Turns out the random order is the same as if I had read the loser first. I wrote you guys down in a different order than usual, so I tried to mix it up. Okay.
Honestly, you guys, in the lightning rounds, I feel like I missed some points, and I feel like, Mark, I might have missed one or two, but I think I missed one for Wade. No, it's okay. It was close. It was quite the competition.
Really started off strong with saber and sheath and sheath of de east. Yeah, wait, sheath of de east was mine, excuse me.
I know exactly what it means, Mark. Don't let him tear you down. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This might tear you down, though. Mark, loser speech. Well, you know, I think we got to showcase just how much our skills complement each other when we're all working together. Which in this episode we were not, and therefore missing our crucial third piece, we fell apart.
So Bob, you're the glue that holds our brains together. You're like our cerebrospinal fluid. You're the medial gap between our hemispheres. You are the cerebellum that anchors our two frontal lobes. Without your brainstem, we would just be nothingness. I like to think I'm the space through which you are flung when you get your concussions. Oh, yeah. I hope so. I'm your intercranial space.
Oh, here's one to you, Wade. This is a very topical thing to you. High court, I don't know which court, but it seems like Scotland. High court rules, calling a man bald is sexual harassment. It is when Wade does it. I have so many lawsuits coming toward you, viewers and listeners. In the Scotland, yes. Just so happens, I might have land in Scotland. Ah, maybe. Are you a lord?
Good speech, Mark. Yeah, that had the vibes of a winner's speech. That's just my attitude every day. You gotta dress for the job. Wade, give the actual winner's speech.
Okay, thank you everybody for listening. Thank you even more for watching because everybody knows we favor the watchers over the listeners. It's not even close. If you want to be in our inner circle, you need to watch. You need to be a watcher. Everybody knows that. And you can only watch it on Spotify, so make sure you go and check that out. Mark is Markiplier on the internet.
Wade is LordMinion777 or Minion777 on the internet. I am MySkirm on there. We have merch. DistractibleStore.com. Make sure you check it out. Make sure you follow the podcast on whatever platform you listen on so then it'll pop up when there's a new one because you don't want to miss it. Imagine if you hadn't watched this today. Your life would be terrible and sad probably.
Anyway, thank you so much for being here. That's the end. Stay tuned next time when Wade hosts, because he is just so much better than both of us. Until then, Podcast out.
I've got a one foot by one foot land square that makes me a lord. It might not be Scotland, but I think it is. It was a birthday gift. It was a birthday gift. Oh, okay. I remember watching the British bung off. He said he was a victim of sexual harassment after comments were made about his baldness, including being called a stupid bald C-sensor, sensor, sensor.
That could be cock, it could be cunt, it could be crap, fill in the blanks. Cream, but spelled wrong. Sizzler, but spelled really wrong. Crisp with no I. Crank with no N. Cock? A cart? Jolly young fellow. Canned? C-A-N-D, you got it. Carp? Carp. Oh, you bald carp. Stupid bald carp.
The three person employment tribunal panel, the highest court in Scotland apparently, said the remark, quote, crossed a line. It dismissed an argument that the comment was not sexist because women can be bald too. The judgment said there was a connection between the word bald and the protected characteristic of sex, noting that it is, quote, So this sounded like it's not a joke.
Wattled Wade prepares harassment suits, tortures the walking wounded and accidentally advises daytime drinking. From the follically challenged to Wessons word. Yes, it's time for definitely real things. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
It's not a joke at all. Why would you think it was a joke? Because you said this has to be a joke when you started reading it and I was thinking it. That's true, you did. No, no, I said it had to be fake. I couldn't believe it because I was aghast. I was aghast.
I was aghast. I was like, I can't believe this is the world we live in. Aghast.
It's disgusting. For some reason, because they're on a construction site, it's just like a New York accent in Scotland. It's like, oh, I can't even do it. Hey, you're bald in here. Look at this guy. Hey, baldy. Anyway, that's it.
It's only fair. Does that mean we have to stop saying that to you? Would you like us to make fun of you in different ways? I've just always considered it flirting and you guys are welcome to continue. Okay. I'm kinky and I like it. I'm gonna start calling you hairy instead. That is offensive and I'm gonna take you to the highest court of Ohio. The Ohio Labor Tribunal? No! Yeah. I love a tribunal.
Wir sagten, klar, wir machen ein Fotosignal. Und der Typ in dem Rollstuhl fragte uns, um sein Arm zu signen. Und ich war ein bisschen zu spät, weil ich mit jemand anderem gesprochen habe. Und ihr habt alle sein Arm gesignet.
Also hast du nie gemerkt, oder neither of you were like, you could do it again and he just tells the tattoo artist not to go here? Or is it like a mad tattoo artist?
That would be a lie, Mark. That signature might as well just be a big middle finger that he draws on there.
You got a nice tight elbow, sir. Great for writing.
Maybe my memory is just getting bad, but I don't remember that. But I'm sure it happened.
Hello and welcome back to another episode of the world's favorite podcast, Distractible. I'm your host because I won the last one. My name is Bob and I'm joined per usual by my two competitors and co-hosts for the day, Wade and Mark. Hello. Hey. Sorry, I'm struggling with technology.
He did it on purpose. Don't believe him.
Intentional is a word. You don't need to question that one.
Is that the hot dog guy? Joey Chestnut! Yeah. He's the Nathan's hot dog eating champion. He's my champion anyway. He was expunged. Expunged? Disbund. Expunged. He was expunged. Do you mean beaten? Or do you mean his records were taken away? No, he got a different sponsorship from a different hot dog.
Oh! K-A-H-N, right? Like con? I'm an Oscar Mayer, mister.
He went indie. He only eats Queen City sausages now. I'm glad Wade liked it. I'm glad he's having fun over there. Can we go back?
That guy's a conch man. God damn it.
Maybe I'm not understanding the nuance of Conkers, but how would you not notice if a thing that was supposed to be a nut from a tree was actually made of metal? Is that less obvious than it seems like it would be to me? How does the duel go? Do you... Also es war ein Bild, aber sie waren auf Strängen und sie schwingten sie.
Das ist der Grund, warum der Typ es um seine Hand geworfen hat, weil es eine Stränge ist.
Yeah, no, that's not. I was like, oh man, he's got a brass stick knuckle. Turns out his Conqueror was just a gun. He was just shooting everybody else's nuts. How did we not know? I looked at it, I was like, nah, that seems fair. But now in retrospect, what were we thinking? Oh wait, it's British though. What were we thinking, Governor? Scottish. No, not Scottish. That was the ****.
Whoa, whoa, you can't just say that, dude. Editors, bleep that out, censor that. Editors, from now on we have to censor the word. I'm sorry to burden you with this. I can say it though, because I am, you know. Alright, well, shall we move on to the game, gentlemen? Sure. I hope you've got a lot of words in your brains. I used a ghast earlier, so I've got a few.
Because you're going to need some sweet, sweet words for this one. I'm going to be honest, I stole this from another thing. I saw this on TikTok. It's just like a fun word game. So I want to play it. I didn't invent this. I don't even know if it has an official title. I call it Word Game. Really gives it away.
I'm going to give you two words and you need to connect these two words by saying like two word phrases. So a short example would be I give you the word paper and the word dance. And you could say paper cut, cut in line, line dance. And it's two word phrases, but I'm excluding like in or on. You can have little, what are those called? The small words. You can include the small words.
It's two big words in any number of small words. Like look my ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. But not look at my ass. No, no, just look my ass. Which ones are the big words in that? Look and ass. Look, ass. Maybe there's just a comma. Ass big, my small. I'm misunderstanding everything that's happening, I think. Where is small? Anyway, it's okay, because we're going to kind of work together.
Wir werden sehr alt werden. Das ist eigentlich das, was wir heute sprechen werden. Wenn ihr noch nie diesen Show gesehen habt, ist es ein Show, wo ich Punkte gebe, weil ich der Host bin und die beiden Jungs, die gerade gesagt haben, hallo, sie kämpfen und einer von ihnen gewinnt und dann hostet sie den nächsten. Und dann kämpfe ich gegen den Verlierer und so weiter und so fort.
It's a game of cooperatively getting from point A to point B, and you're not going to earn points for finishing the puzzle, but you are going to earn points along the way for the quality of the connections that we can make. And you're welcome to make it, like the example I gave you was very short, right? There's three things, but you're welcome to make it, and I assume we will make it fairly long.
I'm just going to give you a starting word and an ending word, and we're going to take turns going back and forth. I just want to make some connections, you know? I'm not fully understanding, I don't think. Okay, I'll give you another example. We'll give you the starting word is phone and the ending word is lock. And then to get there, you could say phone number, number pad, pad lock.
So each of these couple, each of these sets of words is like a thing, right? A phone number is a thing, a number pad is a thing, and then a pad lock is a thing. And the lock is the word you're trying to get.
Do you have to be, I'm going to say two words or equivalently short phrases. Like in my first one, I said cut in line, where technically that's three words, but like the words are cut and line in is just there to facilitate the language. Gotcha. Okay. Yeah, I got it already. I was already with you. Yeah. And I call it word game. Ooh, cooperative word game. No, no, no, just word game.
Just word game. Let's just ease into it. Once again, I tried to calibrate these and how hard I think they'll be. So this is probably the hardest one of the entire day. We must spend the rest of the entire episode on it. But the first one, I want to start at star and I want to go to bottle. Star and bottle. And we'll flip a coin to see who goes first. Oh, Wade goes first. Oh, okay. Starlight.
Okay, good one, good one. My turn. Yeah, go ahead. Lightsaber. Oh, that's a tough one. No, no, it's got a clear path. Oh, does it? Yeah.
What? What'd you say? Saber me timbers.
We can get here, we can see what Mark's laying down, I'm pretty sure. Starlight, lightsaber. I have one that I feel like goes after saber, but I don't see how Mark thinks that's the obvious path, so I feel like I'm wrong.
I feel like you are upset. No. I mean, Stiney has been leveling up, though. No, no, no.
It seems like you have some sort of, like, animosity with this guy. I have.
I was told something else.
Put this on record. He owes his assistant.
You send me a wire for 100K.
I do get the comfortability. Right, so listen. I do get... No, no, no, I'm not saying with Brett specifically, but... When there is newcomers, there is comfortability a lot of times.
Let's talk about something. Yeah, I want to talk about something. Yeah, there's probably a whole other version to that story.
We had kids. Honestly speaking, when do you see yourself... Having a child. I mean, that could kind of sound vague.
No, not like fully, fully where you're like, you know, I want this woman to be the mother of my children. 35?
I like the thought of it. Because I'm not a bad drunk.
That's some really nice shit. I love the thought of like, oh, we're about to go out. That was hilarious.
Yo, I love the fact that... I love the thought that when we do go out and we're like, oh, let's have a night. I'm going on a champ. But dude, like...
You'd be getting angry, though, when you drink a little bit. You guys are about to fight.
You were fighting. What do you mean?
But he had two dicks in his teeth.
How? Stiney wants to be a rapper, but like still a lawyer guy. He still wants to have that.
That's not going to happen.
I wish Conor was at the same mindset. Who wins in that fight?
Boxing? Yes. Who knows? I mean, that's what makes the fight great. I mean, we haven't seen Conor fight in a while, and we know how Logan is.
Fuck, man. I wish Conor wasn't doing these types of fuck, bro.
No, I'll be honest, bro. I don't like these box— Like, that's just my opinion. I don't like these boxing gimmicks. I mean, I'm going to watch it, yeah.
Listen, I'm not saying Jake's not a real fight. That's why I like the UFC.
I feel like that's what makes that. You could have said the same thing for Floyd Mayweather.
That's true, but... Logan Paul's more athletic. He's more in shape. He's more experienced. I'm changing the scenario. A lot more size. A lot more size. I swear to God, no one's getting knocked out in that fight. Logan, Connor, and it's just going to go to a decision where everyone's happy. Like, it just is what it is. That's what happens every fucking time, bro.
That's just how it's going to happen. Like, I can't see a world where, like, Logan's, like... Listen, Logan, he may be a great boxer, but I can't see a world where he'll let his ego down that much. And I can't see a world where Conor would, like... Feel that. I just don't see it happening. I always take the opposite. I might take Conor in this one again. It'll be like a 12-round, what?
Eight rounds? What do they do? Might take Conor in this one, too. Eight to 12 rounds? They'll do eight to 12 rounds? And in my opinion, I mean, like, we're gonna see... Yo, I gotta spiel. Like a semi-good fight?
I'm going to be honest. I respect Bryce for what he's done way more than what Jake's done. Yeah. In my opinion. Because, dude, like, if you really look at it, right?
I'm not hating on Jake, but, like,
No, stand on it. Keep it going. I like it. Stand on it. No, be honest. It's good. It's not a comparison. Jake Paul likes when you hate on him, too. It's set up for him, bro. Like, he understands it. Obviously, every other fighter is going to do that in a way, right? But, like— I don't think it's set up for Jake Paul. Dude, come on, bro. Mike Tyson was. Everything else went about.
How about Mike Perry? Listen. That guy's a bare-knuckle fighter. No, no, no. But the terms that— The terms that Jay Cass put it on, right, like, obviously he's going to set it up for him to win, obviously. Every boxer does that. No, the Tommy Fury fight was the—like, that's who he should be fighting continuously. He should be fighting those types of fighters.
And then, like— He's fought a few boxers, though, that are just, like, nobodies and no one cares, right? But Tommy Fury has only been the fighter that has been like, okay, I respect the fighter. Listen, even though he's lost, even though he's lost to Tommy Fury—
I respect the fact that, man, he went in there and he actually... Like, that's an actual boxer at his age around... Like, that is the exact same type of fighter that you should be fighting. But it's like I said, Logan, Tyson, or Logan and Conor. Bro, there's no way none of those motherfuckers are going to get knocked out. I'm telling you guys this first. Like, I'm not trying to say that.
I don't disagree with that. That's what I mean. It's like, it's going to become less and less intriguing as it keeps going on. Unless... Jake really takes a big risk. And I'm not really counting Lowe.
I don't think he takes the biggest risk. Wait, real talk. I don't even know if I realize.
But the way he's claiming himself as a fighter, right? He's not taking the risk of how he fought Conor.
I got to say this to the camera. Continue watching MMA, UFC. That's the best fucking sport. There's nothing like UFC. No, but if you talk about fighting, save your money for you. I'm not even doing this as a promo, bro. Dude, MMA is the best thing ever. That's a real fight. That's a real fucking fight, dog. That's a real fight. What is it, January 18th? There is nothing.
Arman, Islam, Arman, Umar versus Murad. Man, this is going to be nuts, bro. It's going to be crazy. He loves it more than anyone.
Tagir, Umar, and Islam.
We don't know who's going to win this fight. Oh, I hate that.
Fucking ridiculous. Islam Arman. Oh my God. This is a fucking bang. That's one of the most excited cards I've been for. So exciting.
Sugar versus Umar is going to be a massive fight. I hope Umar wins because I would love to see that fight stylistically. That striking match is going to be nuts.
Umar is a first striking guy. He's not a wrestler.
I would be very starstruck if I met Michael Jordan. Tiger Woods. Tiger would be nuts. Actually, yeah. I'd say Tiger one, Michael Jordan two, three, LeBron. LeBron, that would be nuts.
Probably 30. I'd probably smoke a cigar with him. I wouldn't really care to, like, I mean, I don't really care.
We've had our own name for a long time. No, no.
You know what's fucked? You know what's fucked is like regardless of any team I'm with, I will always be blamed for anything. No, Salim said bad. This guy's fucking eyes are fucking crossed. Salim was hitting great shots today. Salim was hitting great shots today. Salim said those eyes are crossed trying to fight everybody. Your eyes are bloodshot red looking like a fucking...
It's Swim. It's Swim. It's Swim.
But then. No, I hit two birdies back to back. He's like LeBron. He's like LeBron. When they win, you got to praise him. But when they lose. No, no, no. I'm out.
Dude, you look stupid. You got to let that go. The thing is, it's three years, bro.
Salim Salim here's the deal I don't give a fuck about what anybody thinks I know but for you to post it seems like you're publicly you're publicly stating this chick owns real estate in my head like it's no I'm basically she's out at fucking floor room with me and my boys having a good time meanwhile you're posting about her like you posted her where's my guy you posted a photo of her and the paragraph was so long that I didn't want to read it that's how long it was listen here's the deal matter of fact I'll do it right now
Next, a minute, probably 37.
Well, that doesn't count really as a whole.
Is that a big accomplishment for her, though? I mean, does she look at it that way?
I don't know. If you're going to go to that extent... I don't even know how that's possible. It gets to a point where money is not... Come on, bro.
That thing definitely does not smell good. We can all agree it does not smell good in there. That clam is...
Hey, we celebrate them, man.
That's just the way it is, unfortunately.
That's a lot of people, man. Dude, I think 20 is good.
Bob? Yeah. You, you, you start to talk about what's next. Let's go. No, I'm being honest. Like you start to talk like today you were like, all right, so what's, what's the future of full sun golf? What's the future of full sun podcast? Look at Zappy's app. And then it's like, you don't even have any direction. You don't know what you're doing tomorrow. How could you question somebody else?
He's sleeping in 20 minutes. This is literally him.
You say it in a condescending way.
This is Bob, huh? This is Bob. He's like, Steineken.
You got to get him out of the podcast.
Kid! Bond holding that urine. I can't see that yellow pearl come out of the top of that little snake you got there.
Get the letter!
That's enough. You've won too many contests now.
This is the Butterfly Dude's Blue Eye Blend. Entirely delicious, and not just the same beans.
You don't have to swallow it. You just chew it, Laurie.
I don't know, Charles. I don't think it'll work, Charles. It will work. No. It will work. What one man can do, another can do. You can't kill the bear, Charles. He's ahead of us all the time. It's like he's reading our minds. He's stalking us, for God's sakes.
Say it! I'm going to kill the bear. Say it again. I'm going to kill the bear. And again. I'm going to kill the bear. Good. What one man can do, another can do. What one man can do, another can do. Say it again. What one man can do, another can do. And again. What one man can do, another can do. Yeah.
What's your name? Bob. I'd like to thank you for lowering the cost of my insulin. It makes a big difference in my life. God love you, it does. It truly does. Until 2025? Yes. Nobody will, no senior will ever have to pay more than $2,000 for every single drug they have. That is, you don't know how I'm paying almost $5,000 a year and I'm on Medicare. It's going to go down to a maximum of $2,000.
That's incredible. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. We love you, Mr. President.
Hi, how are you? What's your name? Phoenix. I want you all to see that.
I was proud that, you know, when Donald Trump was first elected, the first state to stand him in court was Washington State. We have a state of leaders at the local and state level who are very, very committed to defending your rights and upholding the values of all Washingtonians. We've been first in the past. We're first again. We'll stand up for your rights. We'll protect your freedoms.
That's central to who we are, and we'll continue doing that.