Boen Wang

I go to Sunday school and worship service and youth group and Bible study, which I come to lead. Every break, I go to a retreat that's held at a camp near Lancaster, out in Amish country. When I'm 17, I make this promo video for our upcoming spring youth retreat. Maybe you have doubts about your faith. Maybe you've been a Christian for many years, but you're still uncertain about some things.

I go to Sunday school and worship service and youth group and Bible study, which I come to lead. Every break, I go to a retreat that's held at a camp near Lancaster, out in Amish country. When I'm 17, I make this promo video for our upcoming spring youth retreat. Maybe you have doubts about your faith. Maybe you've been a Christian for many years, but you're still uncertain about some things.

Maybe you're new to Christianity and have a lot of questions. Either way, you should take the opportunity to go to the Spring Youth Retreat. Don't believe me? Just listen to these satisfied customers.

Maybe you're new to Christianity and have a lot of questions. Either way, you should take the opportunity to go to the Spring Youth Retreat. Don't believe me? Just listen to these satisfied customers.

In retrospect, this sounds like a cry for help. I'm totally not trapped in a cult, haha. Being immersed for decades in this not-cult didn't just shape my behavior. It rewired my brain. Like even today, when I'm washing the dishes, I'll be thinking about how this scrub daddy I'm using is falling apart, and I should probably get some new sponges from the supermarket.

In retrospect, this sounds like a cry for help. I'm totally not trapped in a cult, haha. Being immersed for decades in this not-cult didn't just shape my behavior. It rewired my brain. Like even today, when I'm washing the dishes, I'll be thinking about how this scrub daddy I'm using is falling apart, and I should probably get some new sponges from the supermarket.

And Jesus Christ, remember that time at the food bazaar in Flatbush when I almost ran my shopping cart into that old lady and she yelled at me? God, I'm such a worthless piece of shit. But anyway, I should probably go to Giant Eagle to get some sponges.

And Jesus Christ, remember that time at the food bazaar in Flatbush when I almost ran my shopping cart into that old lady and she yelled at me? God, I'm such a worthless piece of shit. But anyway, I should probably go to Giant Eagle to get some sponges.

And Jesus Christ, remember that time when I met up with the Arts Council guy at the 61C Cafe across the street from the Giant Eagle and we said goodbye, but then we were walking the same way and awkwardly made more conversation until we reached his car? God, I'm such a worthless piece of shit.

And Jesus Christ, remember that time when I met up with the Arts Council guy at the 61C Cafe across the street from the Giant Eagle and we said goodbye, but then we were walking the same way and awkwardly made more conversation until we reached his car? God, I'm such a worthless piece of shit.

But anyway, I should email the landlord about how the dishwasher doesn't work so I don't have to hand wash these dishes. It hasn't worked this entire time. And Jesus Christ, it's been almost a year since I moved into this apartment and I still haven't emailed him. God, why am I such a procrastinator? I'm such a worthless piece of shit. Sometimes I whisper it to myself.

But anyway, I should email the landlord about how the dishwasher doesn't work so I don't have to hand wash these dishes. It hasn't worked this entire time. And Jesus Christ, it's been almost a year since I moved into this apartment and I still haven't emailed him. God, why am I such a procrastinator? I'm such a worthless piece of shit. Sometimes I whisper it to myself.

This is the main thing I learned from Christianity, that I'm a worthless piece of shit. And listen, I know that that's not the main message of the gospel. I know Jesus teaches us that we're redeemed by his sacrifice, that we're all children of God. But all that nice, feel-good stuff bounced right off of me.

This is the main thing I learned from Christianity, that I'm a worthless piece of shit. And listen, I know that that's not the main message of the gospel. I know Jesus teaches us that we're redeemed by his sacrifice, that we're all children of God. But all that nice, feel-good stuff bounced right off of me.

What was drilled into my mind and what I really internalized is that while I'm a child of God, I'm also a child of Adam, who ate the forbidden fruit offered to him by Eve and whose original sin I inherit. Christians remind you of it all the time. I was at a wedding where the groom's brother told the newlyweds they need to never forget that they're broken sinners. At a celebration of the couple.

What was drilled into my mind and what I really internalized is that while I'm a child of God, I'm also a child of Adam, who ate the forbidden fruit offered to him by Eve and whose original sin I inherit. Christians remind you of it all the time. I was at a wedding where the groom's brother told the newlyweds they need to never forget that they're broken sinners. At a celebration of the couple.

So I learned to hate myself. I need to punish myself every moment of every waking hour of every day for my sinfulness, which morphs into a need to punish myself for anything I've ever done that's vaguely embarrassing. For years, I hated talking about myself because I hated myself. If I'm at a social event and meet someone new, I'll be like, So where do you live? How long have you been there for?

So I learned to hate myself. I need to punish myself every moment of every waking hour of every day for my sinfulness, which morphs into a need to punish myself for anything I've ever done that's vaguely embarrassing. For years, I hated talking about myself because I hated myself. If I'm at a social event and meet someone new, I'll be like, So where do you live? How long have you been there for?

How do you like it? Where are you from? What school did you go to? And if someone asks me a question, like what I do for a living, I'm like You know, I make like podcasts or whatever. It's stupid. And then I do rhetorical jujitsu and redirect back to the other person. What do you do for a living? How'd you get into that? How do you like it? Humility is a big part of Christianity.

How do you like it? Where are you from? What school did you go to? And if someone asks me a question, like what I do for a living, I'm like You know, I make like podcasts or whatever. It's stupid. And then I do rhetorical jujitsu and redirect back to the other person. What do you do for a living? How'd you get into that? How do you like it? Humility is a big part of Christianity.